Hanna:
Hello and welcome to episode number 23 of Let’s Talk Dirty. Today I’m going to share some ideas for how to come up with new thoughts to think. Ok so if you’ve been following me or listening you might know that my work focuses on changing your thoughts so you can change the results you’re getting in your life. But for some of you you’re like ok sounds groovy I’m into that but how though?
Because you’ve heard me say that new thoughts must be believable to you and your brain and must feel better than the old thought.
So before we go any further, if you haven’t yet identified an unhelpful thought, then you need to beeerreeep, scratch this and go back to some thought awareness exercises.
But if you have peered inside your brain a little bit and you’re like ooohhh there you are you dirty little thing, I see what you’re up to, I see what this thought is creating for me and I want ot change it BUT I can’t think of a new way to think in this situation…I’m going to share some ideas today.
This was one of the thoughts that was shared with me by one of my instagram followers, when I asked them to tell me about the reasons you can’t have what you want. Or the proof you have for why it’s too hard to do this work, or the work it might require for you to achieve your goals.
And this woman said, it’s impossible for me to think of new thoughts.
So I wanted to create this episode for you to give you some ideas about HOW to actually come up with new thoughts to think, yes, but maybe even more importantly than that, to tell you that I think it’s time for us to stop arguing for our suffering.
Here’s what I mean:
We (esp. those of us socialized as women) have thousands of “good” reasons for why we can’t have what we want. Right, I’m sure you cant hink of thousands of good reasons why you can’t or it’s hard or really seems impossible or too frustrating or would take too much energy or whatever.
And every time we think about those reasons or say them aloud we strengthen the attachment to our suffering.
We have spent generations perfecting the art of arguing for our suffering.
We’ve had decades to collect evidence of why it’s hard for us to feel good, be enough, love our bodies, make more money, speak our truth, to reach our goals.
Decades.
I’m getting a bit dramatic and emotional about this …but my question is why aren’t you get dramatic and emotional about this too?!
Maybe you are, maybe you are like yes, we’ve suffered. We’ve been shamed. Made to feel like less than. We’ve been conditioned to look at our bodies as though the purpose of them is to be critiqued and not as a home for our soul. We’ve been socialized to know our role, to be the caretaker and forgo our own dreams, to make less and do less and have less.
So yes, you’re like yes. There’s lots to suffer over.
But listen, Every day I talk to women who have perfected the art of needing to suffer. They’ve become so well versed in why it’s impossible to feel good. Why it’s difficult to figure out how to have what they want, that they’ve begun to buy into the reasons so much that the reasons not to have what you want have become so much more important than the reasons they could or should change.
It is one thing to know oppression.
To witness and feel injustice and live through patriarchal conditioning. I am not blind to what is.
BUT It is another thing to choose to continue it for yourself.
When you give 100 reasons why it’s hard to feel better, that’s 100 arguments for your suffering.
When you tell yourself that having what you want feels impossible, that’s an argument for more suffering.
When you say that it’s not fair, it’s out of your control, it’s not easy, you can’t, or you don’t know how…those are all arguments for your suffering.
Enough.
We’ve suffered enough.
I think we’re done.
I want to hear you argue for your joy. For your success. Argue for your own self worth and for your brilliance and for your opulence. Argue for yourself, instead of for the ideas of somebody else, who doesn’t know jack shit about what you’re made of.
We have suffered enough. So next time you find yourself saying you know what I can’t do this because X, take that sentence and turn it on it’s head. I can do this in spite of X.
I imagine being a cheerleader for my success all the time. Imagine if you were a cheerleader for your suffering. Rah Rah go injustice! Gimme a C gimme an A gimme an N gimme a T, what does that spell, CANT! I can’t do it! Yay.
That's ridiculous.
So for today, instead of cheering for this idea of not being able to manage your emotions or not being able to make progress in your life because you can’t seem to think of new thoughts to think, or figure out how to break down your limiting beliefs let’s cheer for, “I can think new thoughts in spite of not knowing how yet, I just need to find someone to teach me or figure out how to learn”.
Rah Rah Resourcefulness.
Can we get a high kick for that?
Ok so this is, funnily enough, my first tip for how to find new thoughts to think is to replace this thought with the intention of resourcefulness.
When you have the awareness that your current thoughts are unhelpful but you can’t think of a new way to think about the situation on your own…what if you don’t need to do it on your own?
It’s possible to have help right? And you don’t even need to hire a coach to get help. Obviously that would be extremely helpful and like make the process 10x faster BUT where can you look for help on this outside of yourself? This isn’t like cheating. We borrow people’s thoughts allllll the time. We borrow their negative thoughts all the time so why not the positive ones?!
Drop kick the thought that you can’t think of new things to think. And replace it with “I am resourceful.”
This is the thought that helps me when I am stuck.
I actually believe that I'm resourceful. I have evidence for being resourceful in my life so I’m in on that belief. And when I notice thinking I’m stuck I don't know what to think creeping into my brain I remind myself that I’m resourceful, and it’s okay to look for help outside of myself.
If you’re not all in on yourself as a resourceful being, you can get there by choosing to think something a little less ambitious sounding like, “I’m working on my resourcefulness.”
You can build your belief by starting with the thought, “it’s possible”. Step one is believing that it’s possible.
And you’re like how how do I believe it’s possible though?
I don’t really believe that I’m resourceful when it comes to this work, like where, help but where? From who? Ugh OMG I can’t figure out who to ask or where to google new thoughts to think and now I’m right back here like blaahhh I can’t think of new thoughts to think and I can’t think of anywhere else that could help me think of new thoughts to think and I think you’re crazy Hanna because you’re driving me crazy with all this thought work and now I’m just in a thought spiral of doom of my own making.
I’m warning you this thought will make you go there. The “how”. It will drive you crazy because the result of thinking I can’t think of new thoughts to think is not being able to think anything new. And all you can think is how though how. I can’t I can’t and how and how. And round and round it goes. It feels crazy. Straight-jacket, padded walls, crazy.
I’ve really gone off the deep end now im making analogies to being in the looney bin. Like why couldn’t we just stick with sex puns Hanna?
Everyone likes when I talked about being in bed with your brain. We can laugh at that and keep it light but now I’m saying that being in your mind is like being in a padded room with a straight jacket on?!
Haha ok listen I’m just trying to make the point that when we feel trapped in an endless thought loop, when we have long-standing beliefs that just keep coming up, it can feel really crazy when we try to do work to unpack and rework our thoughts and the reason I’m using words like crazy and using this analogy is because I see you.
I see your struggle every time you come to me and you’re like ok I See MY THOUGHTS i See what they are creating, I see it Hanna I promise I understand it and I see the problem is my thoughts and I just can’t think differently I don’t think it’s possible and in those moments it is SO TRUE and sometimes truly terrifying.
Like imagine having this thought I cannot think new thoughts. I just can’t. That could be terror-inducing. If I can’t release these thoughts like what the fuck am I gunna do ?
So if we are here feeling terror feeling trapped by this thought that I can’t think of new thoughts to think, you are literally in a self made prison.
But here’s the good news: we can at least notice that if we built this prison we can also unbuild it. We alone know the secret ways out. We do know there are loopholes and there are spare keys and we know the guards and we know all the obstacles because we built them.
So yes, when we work together in my private coaching program I’ll for sure share a lot of thought suggestions with you, but you and you alone know your mind. You know where to look for help. You know what sounds true and right and believable to you.
So I’m going to circle back to the first suggestion, which is to notice that you are resourceful. It’s possible that since you have gotten yourself to here. You can get yourself to anywhere.
When you replace the thought “I can’t figure this out, I can’t think of new thoughts to think” with “It’s possible I have everything I need to figure this out” what happens? And you have to practice it intentionally, intentionally means on purpose and with some gumption and commitment right?
What happens? Maybe a little confidence or determination, maybe curiosity. And those are action-inducing emotions. We talk about this alot, the difference between an emotion like confusion that gets you nowhere, and an emotion like wonder or conviction that get you moving.
And when you move that doesn’t mean you get it immediately, it just means you don’t strap yourself into the straight jacket.
Ok, so it’s possible that you are resourceful, yeah?
Now, my next idea for how to think of new thoughts to think, requires that you use your imagination. So tap into your ability to play pretend and step into the brain of someone else who cares about you and wants you to succeed. It could be a family member, friend, a teacher, your coach, me. You can use me. I care about you. You don’t even have to know the person personally. But get out of your brain for a second and imagine being in theirs. Then imagine how they might think about the same exact circumstance that you’re having unhelpful thoughts about. Ask, if they couldn’t possibly think the same way as me about this, what might they be thinking that allows them to feel better about it than I do?
I call this exercise Think A Mile.
You know how we say don’t judge a person until you walk a mile in their shoes so we can understand what it’s like to live their experience? Same idea, but kinda with the opposite intention–the intention is to think of someone who might have a better feeling about the same circumstance as you.
Think a Mile in someone else’s brain.
This exercise is also so helpful when you really feel like whatever you’re thinking is true. Like let’s say your thought that you can’t escape is “I am so pathetic” And you’re so sure like look at all this evidence for why you’re pathetic and it’s like totally a fact that I’m pathetic right now. When you Think A Mile in someone else’s brain, and notice what that other person might be thinking about you, you will show yourself that it can’t possibly be a true fact that you are pathetic if someone else doesn’t agree.
Getting out of your own brain is one of the best ways to consider new thoughts and have new ideas. Think about why this works. When someone you know has a problem, and you see the solution so simply. It’s not because they are being dumb or incapable of coming up with their own answers, it’s just more difficult because they are living in their own brain with their own compounding thoughts that feel true. So for you to play this game of Think A Mile, you can untether yourself from your own brains bombardment of thoughts for a second and imagine thinking like someone else.
Then all you do is try those thoughts on and see if they feel true and like a good fit for you.
Ok and last one, this is a good one. I do this ALL THE TIME and I first started doing this after I went to New Orleans on a girls trip and got my tarot read.
Use tarot or oracle cards to generate ideas to turn into thoughts.
Now, I hear your freakin eye rolls right now, but listen, it’s all woo woo & airy fairy…until you change your life.
When I got my tarot read in new orleans I was asking about a relationship that I was having a hard time with because I was being asked to do things to accommodate the other person that I really didn’t want to do, and I felt like I didn’t know if I was being selfish or if I was justified in not wanting to comply with this person’s requests. And one of the cards I got during my reading had a tree on it with huge roots stretching down into the earth and little delicate flowers sprouting from the tips of the branches. And the way that I interpreted this card, with the help of prohetess, which is I swear is what she asked me to call her, was that this meant that I needed to stand my ground, root into my truth and my truth and unwavering honesty would lead to the blossoming of our relationship.
Ok so that’s what I got from this tree on a card.
Ok, so then my friend also went and had her cards read and we exchanged stories of our experience and it turns out she pulled the same exact card. But what she saw in that card was that it meant she was about to enter a brand new season of life, so she needed to let go of the relationship she was holding onto to make room for something new to bloom.
Same card, two totally different interpretations.
And both are right. Because we used our individual powers of thought creation to interpret a picture of a tree with roots and flowers to accommodate the story we wanted to tell, to fit the narrative we each needed to feel a certain way and take the action we wanted to take.
So if you are into this idea of using cards to find new thoughts, all you’re going to do is use the card to give you ideas about the problem you have. I recommend not even reading the description on your card, just using the picture first and thinking about what this could mean about your problem. You’ll be shocked at what you can come up with based on a little imagery inspiration.
So here’s the thing you guys, there are thousands of ways to come up with new thoughts to think, these are just three of my favorite because they challenge the brain to shake up how it’s been working.
You need to throw something new at it, and give it something to work with. Saying I dunno and I can’t and it’s hard to do is not a useful way to remedy the situation.
That’s what I’ve got for you today and I hope this is helpful for some of you who’ve been curious about how.
Disclaimer: if you are constantly focusing on “how”, you’re missing the point of this work, yeah?
If you’re so concerned about HOW to get to your goal, how exactly to do the steps, you likely think there is a right way to do thought work. Or make it work for you. There’s not. There is the way that you’ll find works best for you by believing that it’s possible to change how you think, and trying, practicing, giving it your committed and intentional energy again and again until it clicks for you. And while I’m talking about not being so concerned about the how, stop asking how long it will take. Stop convincing yourself there is a time limit on your healing. It will take exactly the amount of time that it is meant to take. And the more you focus on how long it’s taking or supposed to take, the slower your progress will become because you are convincing yourself that the end goal will save you, will heal you. And the healing has already begun. You’re in it now. So get to work enjoying the process.
That’s a free tip number four. Decide you’re going to enjoy and be excited by the process of figuring it out.
Talk to you soon! Don’t forget to sign up for coaching and we will work on your thoughts and your life together. I am taking new clients until February, and then I’m done accepting new clients for a bit.
If you are in a state of confusion because you’re thinking you can’t do this work or you don’t know how, your brain is defaulting to impossibility.
And if you’re in a state of confusion about whether life coaching will be right for you because you’re thinking you don’t know what to expect or what it’s about or whether it will help or whether you’ll follow through or if you’ll get it right, your brain is defaulting to “no”.
So let me clear up the confusion right now:
I can help you. You can do this. I know with 100% certainty that’s true.
Now go sign up for a consult. I will see you there.