Welcome to the Mastering Midlife Podcast where we talk about all the crazy fun things that happen when you are a midlife mama. I'm your host, Heather London, let's dig in. Hey and welcome to Episode 55! I am sharing the lessons I learned from my eat, pray, love, adventure. So if this is your first time listening to the podcast, welcome. I'm so happy that you're here and if you've been listening for a while, then you know the story. So let me just
recap it for the new people. Three months ago, I dumped my kids. I broke up with my kids. And what I mean is, as they get older and they don't need me anymore and they go on their own life adventures, it was getting really, really hard for me to let them go. Like raising babies was hard, yes, but this is by far the hardest thing I've ever had to do as a mom is to just let my kids go, like let them go and stop momming them. And so what I did was, I joke when I say I dumped them,
but I did. I just went to Central America and started traveling and guess what? It worked because if I'm out there trying to figure it out and having all these adventures, I am not thinking about momming my kids. So not only was it amazing for me, it was also a great opportunity for them to figure it out on their own because you know they're at the house. So it's everything is set up for them. And then it's just them showing up for themselves every day and working it out and
doing all this stuff. And so for me, I think it was a huge win, win, win, win, win, everybody won on this one. I really, really believe that. So I just want to recap a couple of things that I learned and how this may help you. But I want to start with, you find what you're looking for. This is what I learned, one of the biggest lessons that I learned about myself as I was doing my travels.
Now before I had kids, I traveled all over. I love traveling. And then while I was raising my kids, I didn't travel because you know you got to pay for three people now and it was just too expensive. So I have done traveling. I've always loved traveling and I still love traveling. One of the things I learned from these travels, my April love travels is you'll always find what you're looking for. And what I mean by that is I stayed in many, many, many places because I was there for three months.
I started in Costa Rica and then I met a couple that was traveling from South America through central America. And I said, Hey, let me know how your travels are going into Nicaragua. And they started reporting back and I'm like, Okay, I got to go. I got to go check out Nicaragua. And so I just went there. It was amazing. Based on these people that I had met, who was really relatable. It was like great advice. But when I say you'll always find what you're looking for. What I'm talking about is
there weren't a lot of women my age traveling solo. And there's a couple of reasons. One, because they've never done it before and it can be scary. I love it personally. But the other one is because they're still momming their kids. They're still momming and they haven't let them go. And so there's the other age brackets are retired people who are usually usually traveling as a couple. And then the younger people, the younger people, I met a lot of couples traveling like that couple
that I met going from central to from South to Central America. But there's a lot of people who are on their own. But they're a lot younger than me. So they're into partying, drinking, staying up late, doing all the stuff. And to me, that's just not where I'm at in my life. There's nothing wrong with it. So when I am traveling and I'm thinking, oh, I'm too old to hang out with these people or I'm too old to stay in a hostel or is, and then I'll create that for myself. Right?
You'll always find what you're looking for. But if my thought is that I'm not, I fit right in. And I can make friends with anybody here. Then I'll find that too. And so I experienced all the things. And that really helped me to realize that I'm the creator of my reality by the thoughts that I'm thinking. And I always, my thought was I always fit in. And I'm never alone unless I want to be because I do want to be alone. Sometimes again, another perk of traveling on your own
is you can do whatever you want. So if you want to just sit by yourself, you can sit by yourself. So you'll always find what you're looking for was a big one. So if I was uncomfortable in a situation or maybe I didn't like a place, like a town that I was in, I would notice what I was thinking about it. And I would change my thoughts about it to change my experience. So I got a ton of practice with the mindset work that I coach people on, which is your thoughts create your results.
Or you'll always find what you're looking for. And another thing that I learned is I can hold space for myself like a rock star, like a freaking rock star. And it's not an easy skill to do. It can be really, really challenging. And I didn't have it at the beginning. Like I had the tools to have that skill, but I had to practice it and hone it through my travels so that I could hold space for myself like a rock star. Because that was one of the reasons why I was going there is to be able
to love myself through everything no matter what. So if I'm feeling lonely, how can I make it okay to feel lonely and not avoid the feeling by inserting myself into a group that I don't want to be in just so that I'm not alone or talking to people that I don't want to talk to or eating foods, eating foods that I don't want to eat because I have a feeling of being lonely and it's something to do.
It's easier to not feel lonely when you're distracting yourself with action. And here's the biggest action that people distract themselves with, especially where I was and what I was doing was drinking. And I'm not a drinker. Like every once in a while I'll have a drink, but it's very rare. It's not in my house. It's not a daily thing that I do. And so when I'm traveling for three months, I'm around a lot of people that might be on vacation for a week for a short period of time. And when
you're on vacation, you're going to party like a rock star. You're going to go for it. And so there's a lot of drinking and you know eating all the delicious crazy foods that happens. And so I was really, really mindful of the urge to want to drink, one to fit in and the other one to not feel lonely because we know if we are having a drink. First of all, we're doing something. So it's easy to feel less awkward and alone when you're doing something. But also it helps you to relax and feel
less stressful. And so that feeling will go away. And it's really interesting because I do help my clients focus on their thinking. If our thoughts create our results, then we want to be like the thinker of our thoughts and the watcher of our thoughts. And I have these categories of thinking. And one is stinking thinking, which is like negative thoughts that you're thinking to yourself, which will become your reality. And the other one is a drink and thinkin, which is, okay,
when I have a drink, I feel relaxed. But what happens? Like my inhibitions are down. And then I kind of think, I don't care what people think about me or who cares if this happens, right? So how can you incorporate drink and thinkin into your everyday life without the drinkin? It's that self-judgment. That's what it always is. It's self-judgment. I'm judging myself. And that makes me
feel awkward and uncomfortable because I don't know what anybody else is thinking. If I walk into a room and sit down at a table by myself, I could be thinking that people are thinking I'm a loser because I'm alone. They're wondering why I'm alone. Everybody's staring at me. I could think that or I could walk into a room and be like, oh, everybody wants to come say hi to me. Everybody wants to get to know me. And the only thing that changed in that situation is my thought about what people
are thinking because I couldn't possibly know what people are thinking. And if I'm going to make up in my brain what they're thinking, which is what we do, why not make it something positive that works in my favor? And so if you had the drinking thinking going on, like it doesn't matter what people think about me, I'm here to, you know, have fun, meet people. It's all good. Like people
want to come over and say hi and sit at my table and all that fun stuff. So I learned that early and it made it easier for me because you can feel lonely when you're by yourself, but you can also be in a group of people and feel alone when you're with a whole group of people. I liked having my space. And so I got really great at making friends when I wanted to, when it when it was serving me. And it was not hard. It's not hard to make friends when you're in the atmosphere where
everybody's traveling, everybody's on vacation. And it's a couple places where I went where I was there for longer. I made a really, made really good solid groups of friends that were like we had so much fun. We were super connected and there was a, you know, a good size group of us and we went and did all the stuff. And it was just wonderful because I chose to do that. So can you hold space for yourself? If you can't, this is a wonderful, so you don't have to go to Costa Rica. You don't have
to go to Nicaragua to do this. You can do this in your hometown. Give it a try. Like go out by yourself, sit by yourself and see what happens, see how you feel. And then that's your work to do. If you feel awkward, like running away or drinking like, oh my god, if I have a drink, I need to have a drink so that I don't feel like a loser sitting here by myself. Those are just your thoughts that you're a loser because you're sitting by yourself. Right? So it's a wonderful exercise that you could do
right here in your hometown. You don't have to go on this big adventure to do that. And I also realized that I can figure anything out. You get into a lot of situations and situations slash adventures, right? Like that is totally, I think, subjective. I love having adventures, which means stuff is happening and doesn't go the way it should. And next thing you know, you're like, how do I fix this? How do I change this? How do I get out of this? What do I want to
create? And you're on an adventure and you're having so much fun. It is really, really helpful to be resourceful and know that you can figure anything out. And a lot of the times we don't know that until we're put in the situation where we have to figure stuff out. And it can be like how, how do I want to approach this? And what energy do I want to put into this? Is it like a freakout thing? Or is it like a no problem? I can figure this out. This is exciting. This is fun. This is
different. Right? And I had all of the variety in there. I had the like the big ones that I needed to figure out. Like this is big. I don't know where I'm going. I'm lost and it's dark. Like I had those things. And then I had the little things that I wanted to figure out like ordering a food or what type of food, what this meant, language barriers, all that kind of stuff. And so you get to figure it out on the big level and on the little level. But I did realize that I can figure
anything out. And I am very, very resourceful. The other thing that I learned on my trip, and this is probably one of the biggest things that I learned that I got the opportunity to learn over and over again. People are freaking amazing. People are amazing. I love meeting people who are traveling. First of all, it's easy to meet people because you're traveling in a foreign country. So as soon as you come across somebody who's traveling, you have something in common and you have
stuff to talk about. So it's as simple as like, where are you from? Right? Where are you from? And then off you go, but I met so many people trying to figure it all out, trying to find themselves. The majority of people that I met were either taking time off work or had quit their jobs. A ton of people had quit their jobs. That's what I mean. They're trying to figure it out or trying to find themselves.
Right? They're having maybe like a midlife crisis or an identity crisis. Or they want to start new, or they know there's more out there, like all of the things. But just in general, I think what made my trip so amazing was all the fantastic people that I met. And they're just not your regular ordinary people. Every single person I met had this fantastic story to tell. These amazing adventures they went on. Like I said earlier, I literally met this couple who was traveling from South America
all the way up through Central America. And we hit it off and they said they were going to Nick Raghua next. And I said, tell me how it is. And they knew that I liked beaches. They knew I liked to surf. And they had similar interests. And because we had met in one of the places where we were staying. So they knew what that was like. They would report back and compare it to where we were staying. And they just all the hot tips. And they said, Heather, you have to come here.
You would love it here. The beach is amazing. The surf is great. And they were right every single time. And I literally just followed their path. And that came in and nowhere. That was not my intention. And that was part of that. That was some of the best parts of my trip was doing that. And so I, because of these amazing people that I met. And every time I sit down and talk to people, they just flow my mind. And I love, love, love this. I love this. I just met so many people. I don't
even know where to begin to talk about how awesome these people are. But that was the biggest thing that made my trip. And also the local people, the local people wherever I went, just like, my heart, I just love meeting the local people, understanding the culture, getting to know what their daily lives are like and what it's like in their country. That, to me, I feel like is more important than sightseeing or seeing, you know, the important things of the country or
the cool things of the country is the people. I want to understand them. I want to know what their life is like, what their existence is like and what their perception is of world and life and all that. So that, it's always the people. It always comes down to people. Another thing I learned that I focused on with the thoughts and feelings about myself as I progressed from one, like, at the very first stages of my traveling into the middle and into the end, the thoughts and feelings
about myself. That was a really, really big one for me to do that work and feel all the feelings and process the feelings and do the work. And it was good. It was hard. So that's the thing is, it was some of it was really hard because I'm doing my work. I'm not just there partying, having a great time. I'm trying to figure my stuff out. Who am I? What is my purpose? What do I want to do next? All of these things. And I was working as I went to. And so I really put a lot
of time and effort into that. And I started to realize too what's important to me every town I went, everything I did, I would be like, oh, I don't like that. That doesn't feel right for me. And then I love these. I love doing this. And so I could really figure out what was important to me. And there's another thing that was a big one for me. Who do I want to become? Or what do I want to create in my life now? As not being, you know, Phoenix and Santos's mom and you were all,
I always be their mom, but not moming them. That's not my number one job right now. And so who do I want to become now? What do I like? Because what I like now is different than what I liked before I had kids. What don't I like? Get back to the basics, you know, food and daily activities. What
does my existence look like? And I realized like so much about myself. I realized, and after when I look back, like these are the things that helped me the most, I really, really, really love walking in bare feet and I didn't realize it until I came back here and have to wear shoes because it's cold and wet and wintry. And I love being in the ocean every single day I would be in the ocean. I would go for a walk. I would surf. I would swim. My feet were in the sand. I never wore
shoes unless it was to get across the hot sand so I didn't burn my feet. The sunset, watching the sunset every evening, which the whole town would do. It was a thing, the connection with other people who are doing the same things. Eating the local food was amazing because we're talking about
fresh fruit and vegetables. I love, I always knew I love that but now I just love it even more, but it also brought to my attention how hard it is to do here because of all the distractions, because of all the addictive foods and the food industry wanting us just to eat more, not create foods that are healthy for us, but create foods that are addictive for us. And so getting back to that kind of basic, I love, love, love that. Oh my god, all of those things just felt
so good for me getting back to the basics. So now I want to know how I could incorporate that into my daily life. For example, I went for a walk today. It was freezing so I had to wear my jacket, my two, and I had to wear my shoes and I just felt so uncomfortable in my shoes. And I was always walking and like, could I walk on this and bare feet in the summer? And I'm like, oh, I think I could because it's not rocks, it's like fine gravel. So it's not, you know,
the beach or sand, but I think it's doable. And so I'm going to give that a try, but I am going to incorporate all of those things into my daily life. So that's fantastic and it's easy to do. I noticed that every single day I felt really great in my body and my brain was always saying, I feel so great today. I feel so good. I just feel so fantastic. My body felt great. The extra weight that I was carrying just melted away because of moving my body and eating clean foods. And
it wasn't like a diet. It's just this is what I'm doing because this is what's here. And this is the way my body is naturally designed to be. I didn't crave sugar because just really wasn't around. And I was too busy eating all the healthy foods. So I had, I didn't have any wantings. I had everything that I needed. And I could consciously choose to be alone or to be with other people. All of those things felt so amazing. I did notice like today when I was in the shower,
I had a little bit of reverse culture shock. So when you go to these countries, especially in Nicaragua, less developed and close to recap. But when you're in the shower, there's no hot water and you run the shower to lather up your shampoo or whatever. And then you stop running the water and you do all the stuff and then you run the water again because water is in short supply. And if you use too much water, there's just no more water. If you use too much electricity,
there's just no electricity. And that happened quite a bit. Sometimes it would go up because it's windy or whatever, but sometimes it would go out because we reached our quota. And that was it. So it was really aware of the environment and what I, how much I was using, how much I was consuming and how can I do less of that. And I noticed that when I was in the shower today because it's hot water. And I kept it running the whole time because if I shut it off, I would be freezing cold
because it's really cold at home. But how can I incorporate more of that into my daily life now because I was feeling guilty about running that show. So that's the reverse culture shock, like just being mindful of what I'm using, the resources that I'm using. So I want to just share with you. My summer is every single midlife mom needs to do this or your own version of this. It doesn't have to be solo traveling through Central America. No, if that's not your jam, then
don't do it. But you want to dump your kids. And what would that look like for you if you just broke up with your kids and focused on yourself and did something that was so consuming that you weren't thinking about momming your kids all the time. And I want to throw out that challenge for you. See if you can do it. A planet and then see if this summer in the next couple months, you can do that. And it can be on the smallest scale possible. It doesn't have to be this big
grand adventure. How can you create your own eat prey love experience that will allow you to let go of your kids in like the obsessive momming way and focus on yourself. Now I didn't like find myself and know all the answers per se, but I did find a starting point of getting to know who I am after the momming or after, you know, being my kids mom and who I want to become now. This was amazing for me. So that's why I would highly recommend you do something your own version
of this to help you to let go of momming to dump your kids break up with your kids. It felt so good. Even when it wasn't feeling good and it was hard, it still felt good. And I feel so alive and free because of it. It was like the freest I can ever remember feeling when I was there having my adventures. And now I'm going to try to bring that back with me into my daily life here. And I am so excited that I could create this adventure. And I could create it for myself. But also
that you can do that. I could inspire you. I can help you. I can share my story with you to get you to create that own e-prey love midlife adventure for yourself. So you can discover who you are and what you want to create for this next stage of your life. It is possible for me. It's possible for you to remember. I work one-on-one with my clients to help them do exactly this master midlife from creating your purpose, breaking up with your kids, to like getting rid of on the menopause weight.
All of that is part of it. And I can help you. So if you want help with this, reach out. I will leave the link in the show notes. And remember if you can think it, you can create it. So go out there and be amazing. Thank you for listening. Always, always, love yourself first and have an amazing day.