Welcome to the Mastering Midlife Podcast, where we talk about all the crazy fun things that happen when you are a midlife mama. I'm your host, Heather London. Let's date. Well, hello there. I know it has been a minute, but I have really good reason. I had just come back from my trip to Spain and I was catching up with my boy. And they have sinned. moved out. So I've been a little bit busy dealing with that and processing that.
And I wanted to wait until I, you know, the whole thing was over and I had time to kind of process it and recover from it. before I felt like doing a podcast. I don't do these podcasts because I feel like I have to, I do them because I love doing them and I love sharing because I really feel like the more women that I talk to in midlife, I'm hearing the same thing over and over again.
I can relate to it because I'm going through it too. And this is one of the things. So that's why I feel even though it's a very personal story, I really want to share it with you because you might be going through the same thing and I want you to know you're not alone. And if you aren't going through it, I just want to give you a heads up of what's going through it. It's like when you're having your first baby and people don't really tell you the whole truth. I'm like, girl.
Why don't we give everybody all the details? Of course, we don't want to scare the crap out of those pregnant ladies out there, but... that we're not like we're not being open and honest with everything that's going on because a lot of the times we think oh it's just me and I don't want to you know, be crazy. I don't want to talk about my problems because they're my problems.
I feel like the more we talk about things, the easier it is the more we normalize it the easier it is and here's a good example of not talking about things like especially in midlife I really feel excited because nowadays with the health movement that's going on we're talking about more things but I'm laughing because
When I look at the Maha Make America Healthy Again movement, I love it because I follow all those people. Those people are all my mentors. Like the food babe, I've been following her for 15 years. she all of a sudden is like in the spotlight and she deserves it because she has been working her ass off to share this information. But for the past 15 years, nobody's been listening. And now all of a sudden they're listening.
But I feel it's great because she really knows her stuff now. Like maybe she, you know, her journey was this so that she really was an expert by the time it came to her. Everybody was looking at her for answers. And the story that I wanted to tell when I'm talking about, you know, us not. sharing all the details like of being in midlife, I remember back to when I had my first child.
And the doctor is telling you all the things you're getting ready to go home and with this new human being and you have no idea what to do and you're freaked out and you're hormonal and you're exhausted and you're excited, all the things. And she just hands you this squirt bottle, right? I know you know what I'm talking about.
And I'm like, what is this for? And she tells me what it's for. Okay, you know, when you go to the bathroom, this is how you're going to clean yourself. And I said, okay, I had no idea. But it made sense. especially after having just given birth. I'm like, I get it. But I said, doctor, how long should I use this for? And I remember her saying,
Oh, until you forget to use it. I'm like, what? Like, she's like, you'll know. You'll just know. I can't even tell you. Just as soon as you forget to use it, that's when you stop using it. And like, what kind of answer is that? That's really. strange and obscure and then but it was 100% accurate and the reason I'm telling you this is because I was cleaning out my cupboards and I found this squirt bottle and you know my little baby.
my first baby phoenix is almost 22 years old and so it made me laugh when I saw that because that's just some of the things that nobody ever tells you about am I right like Flashing back to that as I'm talking about my kids moving out, it's like. Damn, that happened fast. I blinked and missed it. And I was even there for everything. I was fully present as much as humanly possible. And it still went by really, really quickly. in when it comes to this phase and I I feel like I'm always saying
And I think I'm right only because I'm in it. So for me, this is the hardest phase. Like babies were tough, like tough, tough, tough. I loved toddlers. And, you know, once they had their personalities and all that, I found babies to be really hard. so hard because nothing happens unless you do it like they just rely on you a thousand percent for life for every But every time I go through a different stage, I'm like, this is the hardest stage.
because it's the stage that I'm going through so that's and that's why I talk about it and that's why I do what I do because I feel like the more we talk about it, then the easier it is to normalize it and to help people through it and to find solutions. And if you don't even have a solution, at least you know, you're standing in solidarity. You're not alone. There's nothing wrong with you. That's the beautiful part. That's the part that really.
makes me come here and, um, and do these podcasts is if I can help one person to think, oh, it's not just me, then it's a success for me. It truly, truly is. I want to talk about my kids moving out. I definitely needed time to really process it because Toughest thing ever. Toughest thing I've gone through as a mother. But it's amazing because it's a double-sided sword, a two-edged sword. There's definitely a couple of components to it. There was the lead up to them leaving.
which was, you know, me and mom mode, just like thinking of trying to think of all the things to help them out. And they're like, they got it, right? They know what they're doing, but they're still little babies. They're still young and they're still my babies. I want to help them out as much as possible, of course, right? I just got to make a note because I just remember.
So it's me trying hard not to mom, but to help as much as possible so that they can be as successful as possible because I want them to be independent. I really feel like... Over the past couple of years, I've spent a lot of time and energy getting them to do things so that they can learn how to do all the things for themselves, like traveling, flight.
renting plate like all the things but of course there's things that they're not going to know because they've never done it So I want them to be totally independent because remember, I always say that it's our job to make ourselves... obsolete pretty much not in a bad way but that they're independent and then they come to us because they want to come to us or if they need extra help they know that we always have their back
That's always been my job. So I feel like I want them to go and be free. Really, really do. But that doesn't mean it doesn't break your heart at the same time. So the lead up to it was tough because it's just like, when is the, you know, it felt like this day was never coming because I just felt like I was always like, what more can I do? How can I help? a tough tough day but I'm gonna be honest I am an adventurer I am a traveler I'm like a global citizen at heart
And I haven't traveled when my kids were younger. And I just started traveling again last year. So I love... that they're going and discovering and being free. I love this. So I'm more excited than they are only because I know what's about to come for them because I've trapped. My excitement is just over the top. And I think my excitement outweighs the sadness that I have for them not being around all the time because we're so close, so tight.
Like we all have our own businesses and we work in the house and we get together and bounce ideas off each other and celebrate our victories and support each other. And it's just like. so unique and just so fabulous I just couldn't ask for more I just love love love this but I know it's time for my little birdies to fly and I'm
so excited for them, which is making me feel good about this. But then the day comes for them to go. And Okay, this is the hard part because I'm feeling excited, but it's an early morning flight, which is fabulous because then you don't have time to think, right, for it to really sink in. And as you pull up to the airport in the pitch dark at, you know, five in the morning, and you're still not really coherent about what's going on. And then all of a sudden.
You slam the trunk door and you walk over and you see them with their backpacks and their suitcases. And you're there at the airport entrance and they're going to be walking through those doors and you don't know when you're going to see them again. I get sad thinking about it right now because it's a moment that was just... will be etched in my heart forever.
And I just broke down. Oh my gosh, the crying. I'm not a crier. I was never a crier. And then I had kids and then, you know, Hallmark commercials. Like you just cry over everything. And oh my gosh, it was like you, I just felt my heart break open all over again. And it's not in a bad way. It's like just the sadness of, of.
what is or what was to just something new without them right so I'm excited for them and I'm sad for an end of a chapter it's not the end it's just the end of this chapter that's all it is And oh man, that was like, I wasn't expecting that. It was a heart wrenching. And so I just remember at one point too, because my kids are so tall.
family hug and I'm crying and crying and they're like I just remember uh Phoenix just kissing me on the forehead and it was like oh my god it was like a full circle moment because that's what of course I used to do to them when they were sad right hug and kiss them on the forehead and just hold space for them and of course of course they were sad too and then I remember watching them walk through the airport doors and that just closing behind them and just like
whoosh my heart just broke open again and I remember when like the biggest time that happened was in Costa Rica after they had visited me and then they left it was like heart-wrenching And then I'm driving out of the airport and like tears are. streaming down my face that I was just like allowing myself to cry out loud like a cry that I'd never even heard before it was ridiculous and it just it felt so good just to let it out and I also remember
coming home and being like, I'm home and just like talking out loud for the first two or three days. I would talk out loud when I'd come in the door just because it felt less. lonely or sad or empty, you know, because somebody was always home. So I had that little habit and I just The first day that they were gone, I remember just talking out loud all the time and I'd feel so sad and I would just talk out loud and then I'd feel better. Every time I talked out loud, it just made life better.
But then something really miraculous happened after a couple of days. Oh, of cleaning my house. Like, don't even tell me that when your kids leave, the very first thing you do is like make your house spotless. Am I right? Yes. It took me days, days, but. the maybe on the second or third morning when I woke up and my house was still spotless I was like I like this. And it really, there was a shift for me. A shift from that sadness.
and still holding on to that excitement for them into like this new found sense of freedom for me because we all know that like this is the other side of it right like first of all it's like I'm free to do what I want. Like I can do whatever I want and I don't have to think about them before I do anything or take that into consideration. I don't have to worry about them.
because they're not in front of my face like they if I wasn't here they would have planned all of that like when I was in Costa Rica they did all the stuff and came and visited me and they it worked out so I know they can do it but for some reason only known to us mothers because I know that you can relate to this that if they're in front of my face I feel like I still have to mom them
And that's always like, there's a voice in my head and another voice saying, don't say that. Don't say it. Don't say it. Don't say it. And then I have to say it. I just have to say it because I can't resist myself. So I feel. Like now that they're not living in the same house as me, that there's this sense of relief that I don't have to.
mom them unconsciously or stop myself from momming or have this urge because I was walking with my friend Tia and I'm telling her about this and she's like yes because she has kids that have left too and it's like when they come over, like, don't say anything. And it's, it's not that we don't think that they can do it. It's just, we always have their best interest at heart. And we've always done that.
from them growing up, we've always had to tell them and teach them and all that. And so for us to like, let that go is so hard. So sometimes it can be hard when you are living with teenagers or like not teenagers anymore, but young adults that you have encouraged and taught to. be independent and cook your own food and clean up after yourself when they don't clean up the way you clean up like
So when I like, don't even get me started on that, love my kids. But if like, I just know, I don't even have to say more because you just know, I know, you know. That's one of those things. I know you know what I'm talking about. And so when I wake up in the morning and my house is still really clean it just feels like wow wow and it just has opened up all of these possibilities
There's such a, there's such a new found feeling of freedom. And as I say this, like, I feel this need to justify, like, but I said, I, you know, I love them. Of course. So I don't want to feel guilty about feeling free. Yes, I miss them. Of course I do. But the good thing is, is I get to talk to them anytime I want. We could video chat anytime I want.
But I don't have to mom them. And I can go do what I want. And I can have a clean house when I want. And if I want to mess it up, I can mess it up. Or if I want it to be spotless, I can make it spotless. And it's funny how when I say this out loud, I'm like, I'm gonna have to justify this. No, I have this freedom.
not you don't have to feel bad about it it's so exciting but it's like this it's like this you found superpower that i have and i'm like i have to use my powers for good or use this wisely like what am i going to do with all of this momming that I have that I get to put onto myself now and go follow my dreams and do all the things. It's just so liberating. And so that's why it's like this and that it's like.
all the feels all the feels but I'm super excited for them but I'm also excited for myself like there is there does come a time when you know it's it is that separation when you look when you look at nature because you know I always take my cues from nature All the animal kingdom, they have that, right? ways that work for them.
Some mothers, like their birds, their babies are just like, zoop, that's it. They're on their own. And then other ones... never leave and then other ones you know after a year or two like it's just this is the way it's meant to be so it's like Sometimes, you know, if you're not following those cues of nature, God, it can get tough, right? So it's interesting that as I say this, like I felt like I needed to justify it, but I don't because it's just.
I just love my kids more than life itself. And this is just such like a new favorite. But for them as well, like I know that they have that sense of like they love me to death. But they have this sense of like, I got to get out of here. And it's not, I don't take it personally when they say that. It's like, yeah, I get you. I understand you.
And so when we can really support each other and hold space for each other, it's just so liberating. And I do want to say like when I was talking about at the beginning of the. podcast about how it it just happened in a blink of an eye like I spent you know some time putting together a video for them Just like of pictures of them growing up. and man it was a long video because I just have so many pictures and it that was like also heart-wrenching in the best way possible like they
felt it. I felt it. It was like, wow. I just wanted them to leave with a reminder of like all the magical things we've done together, all the memories we've made, all the life we've lived together. The good, the bad, the magical moments of Christmases, the Easter's, like all of the things. And it was just so wild. Wow, so amazing to look back on it. And it just had, we had all the feels. It was the most amazing thing, but it literally felt like, just like yesterday, they were.
These teeny little kids that you'd pick up and put on your hip and they'd go everywhere with you. And it was like, wow, that was. such a magical moment and even when I was doing it I I had to put all the pictures in it was so hard to not put pictures in because They just meant every little picture was a memory for us. Even if they couldn't remember it, it was like they would look back and go, wow, we did that. Oh, that was so much fun. I remember that. And the best part was.
watching that and just say My oldest was like, oh, mom, now I see why you took all those pictures and why you took all those videos, because I would always be like, okay, I know it's a pain in the butt now, but one day you're really going to appreciate this picture.
And Phoenix had had that moment of just like, wow, like, thank you for taking all like capturing all these moments because they don't remember those or they might need a little like reminder of some of those, like all the fabulous life that we've lived together so far. And it's funny because when you think about it, That part of my life is like the biggest chunk of my life. It'll be the biggest chunk that I remember. The most important part of my life is that time that I spent with.
that 21 years 22 years of them of us together but for them that's just the beginning of their life and they're not going to remember a lot of it because they were so small that's how powerful these memories And for them to be able to just see that in just like a nice little light. wow, wow, oh my gosh. And so I wanted to leave you with that because that moment was absolutely magical.
that just watching that video with them together and then having that moment after in the discussions that went on for hours and hours just like that I'll never forget that moment And I wish that moment for each and every one of you as you have already gone through this or as you're preparing to go through this, because I feel like it was really, really hard, but it was.
It was just one of the most fabulous things about motherhood is putting an end to that chapter and then starting a new one for everybody. for everybody like what is that and I'm so excited for what is next for them but also for my And I can't wait to share it with you.
anyway I am back and I've done all my processing through that I'm gonna have moments of course I'm gonna have moments and I'm okay with that because I really when when you feel that deeply I feel so grateful because that means that you are loving so deeply and I feel so grateful to have had the experience to love this deep In my lifetime, like, wow, and that kind of deep love is going to come.
heartache as well but that's like the yin and the yang the sweet and the sour like that is just like a that is like man so grateful to have it it's an honor to be able to so as always my friends thank you for listening always always always love yourself first especially in midlife when the magic is just getting started and