Welcome to the Mastering Midlife podcast where we talk about all the crazy fun things that happen when you are a midlife mama. I'm your host, Heather London. Let's dig in. Hola chicas! Okay, I'm super excited to catch you up because I have been having the best time here in Spain, but what I've been thinking about today and that I wanted to talk to you about is... just growth and change because change is so hard. And that's what midlife is. All it is, is change.
Everything is changing in midlife. Your whole world is changing. Your relationship with your kids is changing. Your body is changing. I'm sure that your relationship with your partner is changing because you've gone from... everything revolving around your children to being like them gone and you're like oh hey hello I remember you but your body goes through all these changes so midlife is just a crazy time for change and
people can find change really difficult because there's so much in uncertainty. Like your brain is just trying to think, how can I solve for this? How can I fix this? But I feel like in this situation, It's more listening, listening to the cues, the cues of everything, the cues of your body, the cues of your heart and your soul and your brain and just... following what's showing up for you and trusting. Because as I go through this journey,
I've been really putting myself out there with meeting new people, which is awesome, except when it's not. Like some days I just don't want to have a conversation with people. One of my goals of being here is... to get better at Spanish and in order to do that I've taken lessons but I go out
every other day to it's called an intercambio so it's a language exchange and I sit at a table for two hours with people that I just met and we speak half an hour in Spanish half an hour in English half an hour in Spanish half an hour in English and you get all the conversations and all the people. And it is exhausting. Like I'm not saying that I love doing it. It's hard. It's work for me. So every time I go there, I psych myself up. I'm like, you got this. You could do this.
And you never know because I met some really great friends there actually and went on some good adventures with them. But you never know what you're going to get. But change is hard. And as I'm here, I'm working too. Like I am working on... me i'm working on my midlife i'm working on my business and as we grow a business if you're an entrepreneur you know but as you're growing a business
You don't know what to do because you've never done it before. That's the beautiful thing. My brain just tells me like I'm a really driven person. So I'm like, just tell me what to do and I'll do it. But it doesn't work like that.
You've got to figure out what to do as you go. And there's no book written on this specific situation because it's unique to me. So as I figure out how I navigate... midlife and what my business looks like it's full of uncertainty and trial and error and I have to be willing to put myself out there
and fail miserably and for it to be okay and not to see it as a fail but as feedback that's the key when i'm working on my business i am like in i have a whole bunch of groups and i'm in these groups and i'm putting myself in these groups to say like, Hey, this is what's going on. I'd love your feedback. And I'm opening myself up for like a whole bunch of feedback, which can be hard on the ego, but I look at it. from a different perspective. I look at it like, oh, this is
This is here to help me, to help me. But if I take it personally or that I'm doing something wrong, it's going to be the opposite of what I'm looking for. I'm really honestly looking to learn and grow.
And the only way I can learn and grow is if I just... do it and then get feedback and adjust and do it again but it can be really hard doing this sometimes and it's just like midlife because we don't know we've never been through it before we don't know what midlife is and a lot of the times we can like read the books and watch the videos and that but we could look to our mothers to get an idea
But for instance, my mom had a hysterectomy. So hers was her midlife experience. Menopause experience is going to be totally different than mine. Not only that, but she's from the generation where you just don't talk about it. For a lot of things. You just don't talk about it. That's just the way it is. And so my experience is going to be totally unique to me. And I'm learning and growing as I go.
And this is what I want to encourage is like, hey, we don't know. There is no answer. There is no final destination. But the experience is in the journey. The beauty is in the journey. You're never going to get to a spot and go like, oh. i've completed it like i've finished it now what it's never like that because life is just always about learning and growing and it's about the experiences so when we get into midlife that's why it could be so difficult
if your brain is like me it's just like tell me what to do and i'll do it we want to really listen to all of the information we're getting as feedback and the number one place that we get it from our body especially when it comes to hormones and our weight and our emotions just all of that
We want to really listen to our body because our body never lies. So it's always giving us feedback. So if it's doing something, instead of fighting against our body, we want to ask ourselves, what is this telling me? Why is this happening for me? What's the message? Why is this doing it?
That's the question is like, why? Why is this happening? And when we can look at it from a place of curiosity as opposed to like, it's happening to me, but it's happening for me, then you're going to get some answers and you're going to be able to make changes. And the reason I was talking about all of this is because as I do my business, I find I'm just trying to find.
the best way for me to help as many people as possible in a way that is just me sharing my message like it's truly authentically here's what i have to say here's what i know here's what i know to be true here's what i know will help you And if you can apply these things, you're going to get results. But the thing about what I do is it's just so individualized. So I'm...
trying to build this community because I absolutely love community. And I think that that's the answer to all of our problems. Green tea is so good. So I feel like community is the answer in a world where seems like everything's falling apart it's become really uh individualized as opposed to community oriented so i feel especially as midlife women we we just have so much to offer and now
We don't have our kids there to offer it to, but what if we could support each other? That would be amazing because I really, really feel like midlife women are kind of the cornerstone of society. We are the glue. And if we could... help each other out and build a community where it's just safe to talk and express your feelings and to be sad or to
feel scared because you don't know what's going on that's fine because when you're talking with all the other women who are like me too sister yeah I get it I feel ya I felt that exact way yesterday
And just to be heard, not trying to solve your problems, but to be in a space where you're like, yeah, there's nothing wrong with me. This is just a life experience that I'm going through. And then you're going to have that opportunity to flip the switch to go into like, what do I get to create for myself now?
and it comes from a place of being willing to fail and you know what success is i heard this sort of definition that really rung true like success is just the ability to have a large amount of tolerance for uncertainty so the more uncertainty that you can handle, the more successful you're going to be in life in general. But this is really powerful when it comes to businesses. So I'm talking about my business, but I'm also, it's like a metaphor for midlife.
Because we're trying to do the same thing, create change, create something different. And we've never done it before. So we don't know. And the only time you're going to know is once you go through it and figure it out as you go. That's the crazy part because we just want to know. Just tell me what to do. I remember going to this business thing and I paid a ton of money for it. And the woman who created it was brilliant because she had so many people going.
She hired other coaches who were in her program to coach smaller groups. And I had this one coach who was very like, I'm just going to tell you the way it is. And I just remember at one point. Her asking me something. I don't know what she asked me. I'd be like, oh my God, just tell me what to do and I'll do it. If you told me to jump off this building, I would do it because if that's what it's going to take.
And she was just like shocked at what I said. And it was just in reference to like, I'll do whatever you tell me to do because obviously you know what you're doing because your business is successful. But that came from a place of... desperation right like I'll do anything I'll jump off the balcony if you think if you tell me that that's what will get my business going but in fact what we want to do is we want to sink into our heart like we want to
Share for me for my business. It's about being super vulnerable and sharing what I'm going through and sharing my knowledge and trying to empower you to do the same. And when you need help, come and work with me. I can help you with that because I know I have the solution.
But I've been training at it for a long time, so it's not as easy as it sounds. It's like, oh, just coach your unconscious brain, your subconscious. That's where all the answers are. Because when people come to me, no matter what it's for, weight loss, hormone balancing. The best work you can do is on the unconscious because that's what's running the show. So that's a whole other thing. But I feel like today is all about change and uncertainty.
and tolerance for all of that. And as I go to that language class every single time, I'm like, damn, my thoughts are like, this is hard. like two hours and the best part is you have like a little timer so you know it's an hourglass timer the old-fashioned one where this where the sand goes through and it's like half an hour and i keep looking at it going i don't think it's working and sometimes it isn't working so i have to shake it
just to make sure it's working to go because I want the Spanish time to speed up. Although I know that's where I'm getting the biggest benefit. That's where I'm learning and growing the most is by doing what's difficult. And different people show up in front of me every single time and I get different feedback and experience from it. But always the answer is just keep going. Have fun with it and just keep going. You can't do it wrong.
speak in my broken Spanish, I notice, oh, it is getting a little bit better. But I always feel like I sound like Tarzan. That's the funny one. I go, me, went. Like, it's just so funny. But I don't... I don't really care. I just throw it out there. And then people receive it in however they receive it. But the key is that I just keep going. So when we're talking about being vulnerable in midlife, it can be hard to ask for help because as the mothers of the family
we're the ones who are used to solving all the problems, doing all the things. So it could be really uncomfortable or it could feel like there's something wrong with us if we have to ask for help because we can't. We don't know what to do. We don't know what's wrong with us because you're going to feel all of these changes and these things that are different than before for no apparent reason. That's the thing. Our brains can't explain it. We can't figure it out.
But what if it was an experience that we're going through? And the answers come as we experience what we're going through. We're in the process. We're in the moment. And that's the key. critical when I coach my clients everybody has something different going on because as humans we're just so unique and we want to honor that uniqueness and keep going
That's the thing. We don't know if there's just one simple thing that will solve our problems or if it's many things over a time period that's going to solve our problems. And it's going to be the latter one. We like to think they talk about like, you know.
entrepreneurism it's like oh i have an idea and then i'm gonna go and i'm gonna get here like this is i see it i see it i'm gonna go from here to there and this is how i'm gonna do it but what really happens is this and then move all around like oh you can't see me if you're on the podcast
but it's not a straight line from there to here. It's like a roller coaster and there's like turns and twists and you go upside down and sometimes you go backwards and sometimes it stops and then it goes faster. That's what life is all about. And at the end of the day, that's the experience. There is, there is nothing more than that. Like that's what it's all about. And when you have these things that you're going through, it's just an.
to know that you're alive like if you are if you are hurting for the loss of a love it's like wow, but I love so greatly to have this pain. Like that's what life is. You can't have the sweet without the sour. Like Philly, my friend used to say, you can't have the sweet without the sour. That's how we know what the sweet is because of the sour.
All life is are the experiences that we're putting together. That's all it is. And your life is going to be way better if you're present for those experiences and if you're consciously creating them as you go. as opposed to them happening to you. That's the difference. And that makes, that's like huge. And that's where coaching your unconscious mind comes in because if you have a problem or a situation that's going on.
It's really hard to solve that problem with the same brain that created it in the first place. Because although it seems like it's an external thing that's happening to you, it's not. It's a result of choices that you've made. And you made those choices usually from your unconscious brain, from just all the things that created who you are, which are usually your parents and your teachers and all that. They give you these.
thoughts these values these perceptions and you take them on as your own but when you feel something in your body like that's negative you're like ah that's me running on somebody else's thought that's not my own and that's it's incongruent with who I am with my truth and what I believe and that's my body giving me feedback if you have a lump in your throat or
a sinking field in your stomach, a pit in your stomach, or a tightness in your chest or a sadness in your heart. That's your body being like, hey, you're... incongruent with who you truly are with what you truly believe and what you're trying to achieve in the world and then i take that as feedback
Anytime my body gives me something negative, I stop and I ask myself the million dollar question. Say it with me. If you've been listening to my podcast, you know what it is. The million dollar question is, what was I just thinking that caused this feeling? And that way I take all my power back and I'm like, because I'm creating it so I can change it as opposed to what just happened to me? Who just did something to me to make me feel this way? Because nobody can make you feel a way. Remember.
Everything that happens is just neutral. It's your perception of it that makes it good, bad, right, wrong, or indifferent. So when I have a negative feeling in my body, I ask myself, what was I just thinking that caused this feeling? And that's the path that I follow that leads me to where I want to go.
But the whole reason that I'm talking about all of this is because I feel like we have all the answers when we're living in the moment, when we are open to not knowing, when we can... have the most amount of uncertainty and we can be afraid we can have fear but we can still move forward anyway when we cannot know the answer and still move forward when we can fail
and take that as learning and growing and use it for answers and we make some tweaks and then we try something different. You can never fail. The only time you can ever fail is if you actually stop trying. And there is no end goal. Life is just always these experiences that's giving us feedback to take us to the next one. So keeping that in mind and all of it's made up. Everything is made up.
Helen Langer is just like the best teacher, scientist, book writer, author on uncertainty and mindfulness. And her summary is... All this shit is made up. So it doesn't even matter. But what matters is you know that you have the power to create whatever you want inside your brain. We're always looking outside of ourselves to do something different.
But the doing comes from the thinking. So remember, if you have a situation that you don't like and you're trying to use the same brain to solve it, you'll keep getting the same solution over and over and over again.
And that's why it helps to have other people look at your brain because then this person's brain isn't in the same... thinking and energy that caused the problem in the first place and they can see it from a different perspective and then explain it in a different perspective that's what i do as a life coach that's like the brilliance of life coaching is like i can just listen to you and then i can show you
what your brain is doing and thinking to get you those results and then you can change that thinking and then Your actions will be different. Your emotions will be different. And then your results will be different. I guarantee it. Even if it's weight loss, that's what the mistake that a lot of people make is they think I just need to.
exercise more and eat different foods no you need to think differently about all the things that you're doing you need to think differently about food you need to think differently about your body you need to think differently about exercise then you'll get a different result so the answer is always by doing it's an inside job the answer is always by doing the work on your brain
Always on your thoughts. Always, always, always. So I hope that this helps you. This is something that you can go and practice all the time. If not, come and work with me. Hang out with me. I have all the tools. I have the community. So if you want a shortcut, if you're tired of trying to figure it out.
out all by yourself if you're like i was just tell me what to do just tell me what to do then come and join my community because we're waiting for you and we have the most amazing group of women who are figuring it out and making changes Not on their own, but through the support of other caring, kind, loving midlife women who are going through the same thing, who get you, who feel you, who understand exactly what you're going through.
There is an answer for everything. There's a group for everything. There's a place for you to solve all of your problems. There's a place for you where you feel like, ah. This is where I belong. And that's what you want to find. That's the place that you want to find for yourself in midlife. And I think Mastering Midlife Membership is that place. So come and check it out. As always, thank you for listening. Always, always, always love yourself first and have an amazing day.