Welcome to the Mastering Midlife Podcast, where we talk about all the crazy fun things that happen when you are a midlife mama. I'm your host, Heather London, let's dig in. Hey, lovelies, welcome back to the podcast. Today, we are diving into something so important, friendship. Okay, the reason I wanted to talk about this is because I feel like midlife is the most important time to have the best friends ever, and I'm speaking from a place of experience.
Now, I had the best friend a girl could ever ask for. We had been best friends since grade four in elementary school, and thick as thieves. Just, you know, somebody who really gets you and knows you and just understands you and no matter how much time has passed, it's like no time has passed. And for some reason, yet to be determined, we fell apart from each other. We just, our friendship just kind of disappeared, it fizzled out. And I know from me, I was searching inward
and wanting more. And I thought that it felt like I was doing more of the work I was reaching out more. So then it started to feel like I was in a place where, you know, I wasn't wanted. And for me, if I ever feel like I'm not wanted, then I'm out. Like, that's just never a feeling. And we talked about it several times. And just the dynamics changed. And I felt that I don't know, it was just so sad for me to lose her as a best friend. Like, life changes and I get that. And I still
to this day can't even put a finger on the reason why we're not best friends anymore. And I tried so hard. I feel like I tried really hard to make the effort and talk about it and show up. And it's not that she didn't. It's just, I feel like on her end, for some reason, it just wasn't that anymore. And so she let go of it. And it was so hard for me. And I still, to this day, love her to death. And I would want her to be my best friend again in a heartbeat. It was just, but I feel like I lost
a sister. Like, this was a deep, deep loss. And we're still friends, but we don't really talk or, you know, it's just kind of, oh, one of the biggest losses I've ever experienced. And so for me, I always want to look inward and go, okay, what's my part in this? How did I experience this? And is it possible? Is it possible to get this friendship back to the level that it was? Like, this is the type of friendship that I crave. And it's not, I don't need a
ton of friends. I just need one or two really good friends, people that just know you and have your back no matter what. And so maybe one day that we'd be able to create that again, who knows? But that's why friendships are so important. Sometimes you don't realize how important they are until you actually lose them. So having the loss of this friendship, which is absolutely heartbreaking to me, made me want to talk about how important friends are in middle life. Because we know that
friendships change as we get older. So let's be honest. Sometimes it feels harder than ever to make new friends. But here's the thing, meaningful friendships in mid-life, they are solid gold. They give us that sense of connection, purpose, joy. We all need this. So today, I'm going to give you some tips on how to strengthen old friendships, build new ones, because trust me, it's possible to create deep fulfilling relationships in mid-life. This is
what I'm craving. I have this deep desire to be known deeply by other females. All the time I was growing up, I was, it was easy for me to connect with males over females because I was very tomboyish and athletic. And I just had that masculine energy. So I very easily connected with males. And now, as I get into middle life, I'm so connected to females. I've gone the other way. And I'm craving those deep, deep, juicy, genuine, girl friend BFF, rider, die friendships.
So it's possible to create this in mid-life. It's totally possible. So let's talk about why friendships shift in mid-life. First, our priorities change, of course, kids, relationships, careers. Maybe we drifted away from certain friends because life just got busy. And on top of that, as we grow, sometimes we all grow old friendships that no longer line with where we're at in life. Like, you know, school, your kids are hanging out with other school kids,
and then they get into high school and they're not hanging out. And so you're not hanging out with those moms anymore. It's totally normal. But here's the tricky part. As we get older, it seems like making new friends might be a little bit harder because we're not in school anymore. We're not dropping kids off, you know, at play dates. So it's not as organic as it once was. But that doesn't mean it's impossible. It just means we get to be more intentional about it. Did you know there's
actually science behind why friendships are so important in mid-life? Studies show that having strong social connections can reduce stress, lower the risk of depression, and even increase longevity. Yes, meaningful friendships are literally good for your health. And it's not just about the number of friends you have. It's about the quality. It's about having those few people you can call when things get tough. The ones who will lift you up when you need it the most.
These relationships help us feel seen, understood, and supported. So if you've ever felt like you've drifted away from your old social circle, you're not alone. And it's never too late to start cultivating new, exciting connections. Okay, let's start with the friendships you already have. Maybe you've fallen out of touch with an old friend. Or maybe you just don't see each other as often as you'd like. Here are a few ways to strengthen those existing connections. Reach out
regularly. It doesn't have to be some grand gesture, a simple text, a voice note, or meme that reminds you of them can go a long way. It keeps the connection alive. Just a little refresher. Hey, I'm still here and I'm still thinking about you. Plan one on one time. In midlife, quality over quantity is crucial. Instead of group hangout, schedule one on one time with with your girls. Whether it's a coffee date or a walk in the park, this deepens the connection and allows more meaningful
conversations for sure. And be vulnerable. This one is huge, my light is. Friendships get deeper when we're willing to open up and share what's really going on in your life. Not just the highlight real. When you're honest about your struggles, it invites the other people to do the same. And that's where true connection happens for sure. Okay, let's talk about making new friends. We got the old ones. We're going to touch base. We're going to nurture those relationships. We're going to let go
of some of them. But now we're like, how do we make new friends? For me, I'll talk to anybody anywhere because I'm just a curious person. And so when you meet a new person, it's like you know when you have that connection, it's funny. It's kind of like dating. That's the way I think of it. When I find somebody that there's that energetic connection, I'll be like, hey, let's go for coffee or let's do this thing or let's do that thing. And the worst that could happen is they, you know,
aren't really interested. And that's okay. It doesn't mean anything about you. But if you don't take that first step, then there's the chance that it could be an opportunity missed. This could be your next BFF. So really put yourself out there. Be vulnerable. And that's why it's I kind of think of it as like dating. It's like, hey, I like you. Do you want to go hang out? Do you want to go out for coffee? And there's the fear there's possible rejection. But that's okay. That just means that
that wasn't your person anyway. It's means nothing about you. It really honestly means nothing about you. And the more people you ask, the odds are that you're going to maybe get turned down more often than if you ask fewer people. But also, if you ask more people, your odds will increase that you'll get more yeses. Those are that's just how it works. The more people you ask, the more chances you have of people saying yes. But for me, I'm all about quality for sure.
I don't need a ton of friends. I just need those like rider-die friends. So let's talk about making new friends in midlife. I know it feels intimidating, right? But it is so worth it. Here's how you can start building new connections. Put yourself out there. This is the hardest part. But it's also the most important. Join clubs, take classes, go to local events, places where you'll meet like minded people. So maybe you love yoga. So go to your yoga class because you're going to meet
other people that also love yoga and you instantly have something in common, right? Go to a book club, a volunteer group, finding common interests makes it easier to connect. It's so funny. I always take my cues from little kids. If you see little kids, it'd be like, hey, and they just start talking. They're like, you have a you have a blue shirt. I have a blue shirt. Let's be best friends for life. And I always have taken that in. It's like, if I am anywhere doing anything, I'll find the
instant connection like something that we both do like or have. And I'll ask them about it. And I'll be like, oh, yeah, me too. Like I also like that. So as midlife, the easiest one is children or hobbies. You know what? If you're at the tennis court, then you both like tennis. So there's an instant conversation starter. If you both have kids, well, you can talk about your kids six ways from Sunday. That's the easiest conversation to have. So I just find learn something about them
and then find a commonality there. Just start talking about that. That's all you have to do. Ask questions about that. Start conversations. Don't be afraid to strike up a conversation with somebody new. Compliment someone's shoes. Ask them about their weekend plans. Small talk can lead to deep friendships. You never know where a simple hello, how you doing will take you. And then there's the follow up. If you've met someone new and you've clicked with them, follow up.
Just invite them to grab a coffee or an activity or go for a walk. Building new friendships requires effort and a little vulnerability. But it's so worth it. I feel like the biggest thing that would stop us from making new friends is rejection. What's the worst that could happen is that they just don't have time or they're just not interested in it's no big deal. You're still where you were anyway. We never know what other people are thinking about us. We never do.
Any time we think what we think people are thinking about us is just something we've made up in our brain. It's all made up anyway. The only way we could possibly know what other people are thinking about us is that if we ask them and they actually tell us anything other than that is us using our imagination against ourselves. And it's funny because usually it would be if I don't know that what this person is thinking about me, I might be thinking oh they don't like me for
whatever reason. But I like to spin that on its head and anytime I enter into a new group of people I always will say oh these people really like me. Oh these people are welcoming me. Oh these people are curious about me. These people are interested in getting to know me. I'll always create that in my head instead because the other stuff is created too. They don't like me. They don't want to talk
to me. That's all created in our brain. So why not use it to your advantage? That's just like this is really really powerful when you can notice your thought and intentionally think something to create an environment that makes it feel safe for you to put yourself out there and start talking to people. Just like with the little kids oh you like to breathe. I like to breathe too. Like they're just so darn
cute and they make a connection with anybody over anything. They will look for stuff to connect with. Other kids with. It's so powerful. Here's something important to remember. Midlife friendships look different than friendships in your 20s and that's okay. We don't need to be talking every day or hanging out all the time. What matters is that these friendships are genuine. That these friendships are supportive. That these friendships are
fulfilling and worth our time. Quality over quantity. Right? Like that's what we're looking for at this stage of our life. And also all the other midlife women are looking for the same thing because now we all have this time on our hands. We all have the ability, the time, the space to just reinvent ourselves including our friend's circle or our activities or all of it.
I'm encouraging everybody that I work with to create anything that they want even if it's the scariest thing or it seems unattainable if they can think it in their brain, go for it. Because now is the time. Anything is possible. So many of us are just stuck in a box of something that somebody told us when we were a little kid or something our parents told us. And I'm here to say like screw all of that. Anything is possible. Who do you want to be today? What do you want to
create for yourself now? So these are the friends who will be there through the highs and the lows. And sometimes the most meaningful friendships are the ones where you can pick up right where you left off even after months of not talking. Like we all have those people where you haven't talked in a long time. And it's like you have never been apart when you start talking again. It is so beautiful. So beautiful. Here's the thing about midlife friendships. They hit differently.
You know what I mean? By this stage of life we've all been through some stuff. We've experienced heartbreaks, try-offs, career changes, kids leaving the nest, or still eating us out of house and home. And let's face it, we've all done some serious self-discovery. That's why the connections we make now can be some of the deepest most fulfilling friendships we've ever had. Because we know who we are now. Midlife women are on a whole other level. We crave
connection. But not the surface level like let's pretend everything's perfect kind. We're looking for the kind of relationships where we can call someone say girl I'm a hot mess today. And she says same. Let's go get some coffee and laugh about it. Like that's my girl. At this point we're just done trying to impress anyone. Seriously, who has the time or the energy to do that? We're not about pretense anymore. We're here for realness. We're here for showing up just as we are.
No filters, no gloss, no holding back. And the beauty of midlife friendship is that we don't care as much about what other people think. We've been there. We've done that. And it's horrible. It's sucked. And now we're just being unapologetically ourselves. You want to wear yoga pants to go do brunch? Do it. You want to skip the gym and have wine night with the girls? I'm here for it. Midlife is all about embracing who you are and finding people who love you just the way you are.
Messy bun, yoga pants and all. These friendships we're forming now. They are next level. Because we're not here to play small or hide behind perfection. We're ton with that. We've lived enough life to know that the best connections happen when we show up as our true authentic selves. The friends you make now, they're going to be the ladies who laugh with you through the chaos. And cry with you during the tough times without even having a second thought about it.
This is when we create those ride or dive friendships. And honestly, I think midlife might just be the perfect time to create this kind of a friendship. So here's my challenge for you today. I want you to reach out to one friend this week, whether it's someone you've lost touch with or maybe somebody you've been secretly insta-stocking because you just know you guys would vibe. Send that text. Make that call. Heck, drop the gift. If that's your style, that's me for sure.
All the way, I'm going to give you, I'm going to be gifin. Whatever it takes, make the first move. Because if you're waiting for the perfect time, let me tell you, it doesn't exist. Life is too short to sit around and wait for friendships to happen by accident. And here's the truth. Friendships in midlife can be the deepest, most transformative connections you'll ever have. These are just people to grab a copy with. They're the ones who will hold your hand through the tough stuff and cheer you
on through the wild stuff. So don't let the opportunity pass you by. Take the first step and watch your world get a little brighter. One genuine connection at a time. And if you want to dive deeper into this topic, you know you can find me inside the mastering midlife membership where we explore all the ways to live your best most connected life. Thank you for listening. Always, always, love yourself first and have an amazing day.