Welcome to the Mastering Midlife Podcast where we talk about all the crazy fun things that happen when you are a midlife mama. I'm your host Heather London, let's dig in. Okay, so my kids are out of town for a month. They're traveling together. They are in Japan having an amazing time and I love this for them. Love, love, love this. But what do you think is the very first thing I did when they left? And I know that you got the answer right? Yeah, I cleaned.
I cleaned my house like a fiend. I mean, I was actually grossed out by the cleaning I was doing because I was like, oh, this is insanely dirty. What the heck are these kids doing? So I spent a good couple of days cleaning, like just cleaning everything because you know, you're not used to having all this time and space and the house to yourself and kids are messy, right? As they get older, here's the thing, as they get older, they become more independent, which is great because that's
what we want. We've created them to be independent human beings. But then they do more of their own stuff and it's just really messy. And I know that you're going to relate to this because of all the memes I see on Instagram and Facebook. But the kitchen and kids, like what that actual f is going on.
I can't wait for the day when they actually have their own kids and then they become teenagers and they have this moment where you know, the kitchen is just sparkling clean and then incomes the teenager. And it is a nightmare. And the best part is they're totally oblivious to all of it. They just think we're crazy or anal retentive. And I'm not like, trust me, I'm not a clean freak. I just like things
to kind of be not messy. And so it's so funny. The thing I noticed is I'm cleaning right away because then I know I have a whole month of an actual clean house. So when I wake up in the morning, my house is just as clean as I left it when I went to bed that night. One thing that I have noticed is as I'm cleaning, I'm letting go, I'm letting go of everything. The stuff I've held on to since
they were in grade two that was on my shelf. I'm letting go of that, which also allows me to step into this new phase of my life, which is them being grown adults and me creating something different for myself too. It's very, very powerful to go through stuff and let go of stuff. So as I paint my walls, I let go. As I get rid of old furniture, as I get rid of, here's a good one. As I get rid of
the rocking chair that I use to breastfeed the boys. Oh, like come on. This thing had to go because it's a bazillion years old, but it just had so many emotional attachments to it that it was hard to let go. But then when I did let go of it, it felt so good. And so I'm spending the time letting go thoughtfully, compassionately, kindly letting go with love. And it's been so powerful for me. You should give it a try. But it also was a reminder that they're not around.
And they've been doing a lot of traveling lately. So I notice it's different every single time. I feel like this time because they've traveled before. I don't feel worried about them, like a mom worried about them. So I can actually enjoy myself more because I know that they're having fun and they're taking care of each other. And they know how to figure out how to get on a subway in a foreign country and how to find a place to stay and all of that stuff. So it's getting easier.
That's the good news. Like this time, I'm actually like enjoying, you know, having the place to myself and being clean and all that. But having said that, of course, I miss them, of course, but it gets easier. So that's the good news. So let's talk about letting go of our kids, how hard it is. And we get caught between, you know, the letting go and just wanting to hold on to them forever. So we don't have to get sappy about this, but let's be real.
It's a mixed bag of emotions, right? Like one minute, you know, you're counting the days till they leave the house so you can binge watch Netflix and peace. And the next year, ugly crying over baby photos. Like I see you. It's just such an extreme. So you want them to live here forever. And then you want them to go live their big, exciting lives. It's just this dichotomy of come here, go away. It's, it's just crazy. But the day comes when they're ready to move out. Maybe they're going to go
to college or they just stop needing you every second of the day. Do you remember those days? Because I do. And it was like, I just need a second just to breathe without somebody, you know, climbing on me or calling my name or whatever. And now it's like the switch flips, the script flips. And it's like you can't even get a second with them. And it's not there. They're being rude, but they're just living their lives. So it's the moment. This is the moment we thought we'd be waiting for. Freedom.
Woohoo! I could do whatever I want. You know, I can drink warm beverages, all that kind of stuff. But you know, you're finally going to have the house to yourself, but then it happens. They actually leave. And you're standing there like, wait, where'd everybody go? Woohoo! What now? It's like one day you're cutting the crust off their sandwiches and wiping their faces. And the next, you're staring at an empty house wondering what happened to the chaos. I sure it's great not stepping on Legos.
But it's also, you know, a little too quiet sometimes. I don't I mean? I remember thinking, oh, I have so much time to do all the things. But instead I spent like the first couple of days rearranging the living room. Well, they guys are like cleaning everything because I wasn't sure to do with, you know, all the time in the space that's not covered in backpacks and snack wrappers and all the stuff. It's like you clean your house and it stays clean. Actually, I'm painting my house.
Okay. Now that the kids are out for a period of time, I'm going to paint the house and I'm painting the walls white. Now, as I go up and down the stairs, I see just fingerprints everywhere. And I felt like I honestly feel like now it's safe to paint the walls white because there won't be fingerprints everywhere. And I'm hoping I'm praying that my instinct is right that I can actually have white walls and they won't be touching them all the time. My dad used to say, get your mud hooks off the
walls and now I get it. Like now I get it. But I'm thinking it's safe to actually paint the house. And I'm hoping that they don't walk through every doorway and smack the seat, the roof or the, you know, the wall like they did. We'll have to break them of those habits. But I'll let you know how it goes. But I really have belief that I can have white walls again. So fingers crossed. But here's the thing. No matter how old they get, no matter how old they get, no matter how
independent they become, they never really leave your heart. Do they? You still wonder, even though they're awake, like even though they're on the other side of the world, they're still wondering, are they eating enough vegetables? Did they remember to pack a sweater? Or if they've moved out, you're like, did they change the oil in their car? Spoiler alert, they probably haven't done any of them. And they're okay. And they're going to figure it out. That's the part I honestly believe.
I had this conversation with somebody a little while back about us becoming irrelevant to our kids and she was horrified, horrified. And I'm like, no, we want these kids to not need us. Doesn't mean that they don't love us. And it doesn't mean they're not going to contact us or anything like that. But I feel like my job is to make them totally independent of me. And that would make me irrelevant. My ego doesn't want that. My ego is like, yeah, need me for everything, boys,
all the time. Right? Like, that's what I want to say all the time. But my mom, heart, and brain is like, let them go, let them fly and be free. And if they ever need me, I'm always here for them. I've always got their back. Right? You know, it's like, they're away. And I want them to text me every day and give me an update. But I have to reach out first because they're out having fun. And when this happens, you know what I always do? I always message my mom because I'm like, oh,
if I'm their mom wanting to hear from them, I bet my mom wants to hear from me too. So I'll text my mom just out of the thought of, I wish my boys would text me without me having to text them and go, where are you? How's it going? Send me pictures of your food. Like the food they're having is insane. I'm so jealous of the food. Their whole experience is just amazing. But it's
fun. You know, when that happens, it's like, I always watch those videos on Instagram where it's usually like a team, like a college football team or a sports team, a guys team, and they set up a camera. And then they put a piece of paper underneath was like, when was the last time you talked to your mom and every single one? This morning, just today, every day, I love my mom and I always send those ones to the boys because I'm like, every single one of those boys on the football
team are like, my mom is the most important person in my life. And I talk to her every single day. I always send those to them. And they're not getting the hint. But, but the boys check in. They're living their lives, right? So even though, you know, they're out doing their own thing, they're not gone. They're just less visible. They're less visible. But that's okay because it's comforting knowing that they're still their first call when they need something. If they
need anything, I know they're going to reach out to me. So if I don't hear from them, I'm like, okay, good. Everything is going well. Everything is going the way it should be going. Not the way it should be going. Or they're having great adventures. So how do we let go without losing our minds? I feel like it's kind of like finding the fun in this new chapter of life. Trust me, you've earned it. You've raised human beings. Go celebrate. Like this is a huge thing that we've
done. We created a human being and raised them to be good people out in the world. And they can go take care of themselves now. I was thinking about that because we have like bears in the neighborhood. And I think they last like a year with their mom. Then they go out on their own. And we're like 18, 19, 20 years. Wow. And then I was thinking there's other types of animals. Like I think elephants that they just stayed together forever. And they look after each other and care for each
other. Like nature is just so amazing. And I'm just amazed at like how we how our relationship and how we fall into families and kids and how long we hold on to our kids and how we look after them. And you know, when a baby horses born, it's just kind of up walking right away. It's just so amazing. So I look at this journey that we're on. It's like we raised human beings. So this is our time to be like we did go mom. You did a great job. This is a time to rediscover all the things
that we used to love before we were mom 24 seven. You know, pick up that hobby that you forgot about or finally take a weekend trip that you've been dreaming of. And here's the secret. This is really important. Letting go doesn't mean that you stop being their mom. Like it's not just cut and dry like that. It just means you get to be you and their mom. Like wow, that's so powerful. That is so powerful to think about like getting back to you. We've put our lives on hold for
however many years. And now it's our time to shine. So once we get over the guilt of letting go or the sadness of not being needed all the time, it's like what's next? Wow, what do I get to do? Right? I mean, I went from being soccer coach and chauffeur to realizing I have no idea how to fill my afternoons without mom. Where's my cleats or mom? I need to go here. All those moments. But you know what? It's kind of amazing to have time to figure out what I want to do for a change.
It's like a midlife reboot. And trust me, if you've been following me, you know my mission is to create a community to help midlife women and to travel the world while I do it. And then I'm bringing you with me. Once I find the locations where where I want to do my retreats, I'm going to give you guys the opportunity to be able to take your dream vacation by yourself and not be afraid because you're coming with me. You're going to meet with a group of women who
are doing the same thing. It's going to be life changing. There's so many women. Like last last winter, I went traveling to Costa Rica, Nicaragua by myself and it was amazing. I love traveling. I love traveling by myself. And this winter, I'm going to go somewhere else. And I'm going to teach other women in midlife how to do that for themselves. It is a game changer. It's like I don't know what to do with my life. Come hang out with me. I will show you. I will teach you. It's going to be
insane. But here's the real goal. Letting go gives them the space to grow too. You need this time to figure out who they are just like we did. And just like we're doing now actually. Like we're doing the same thing. We are kids. I said our kids were doing the same thing trying to figure out who we are and what the world's all about now. And we'll always be their safe place. They're constant. They're rock. Even when they're out living their big fun lives, we're still the ones that they'll
come back to. We're home for them. We're safe. It's a tough balance, but remember without raising independent strong humans will do amazing things in the world. Like that's what we've raised. So sometimes that will help make it easier. Like okay, we've given them all the tools. We know they know. And in the process, we get to rediscover ourselves. So it's a win, win. It's just a matter of looking at it from a different perspective. It's about being proud of who you've raised
and seeing what's next for them and then doing the same for yourself. It's like okay, boys, I love you. I love you. And I can let go of you and know that if you ever need anything, you'll come back to me and that you'll always be in my hearts and that I'll always be your mom. Always, always, always. It's like when I had my mom over for the girls night, it was so amazing. And the rules are changing. She's allowing me to take care of her more and I would do anything
for my mom. She's the best human being in the world. And I just see like our relationship from a whole new perspective, but she'll always be my mom. She'll always be the one that I know knows me the best and will do anything for me and just sees me for who I am. And she'll always pick me up when I fall down and hug me when I cry. Like even though she, our relationship is changing and she's aging, she's always going to be that person for me. No matter how old she gets,
she'll always be home to me. She'll always have my heart, always, always, always. And there's a time, there's a time when they discover who they are and they live their big lives and then they go into a next phase of their life and maybe their relationships or children.
And then they start to come back to you. They do. Trust me. One day, they'll call us not just to need something, but because they want to talk about life, about their families, about their jobs, their experiences, what they're learning, about how much they've grown, about what they're doing in the world. And that, my friend, is the full circle moment that we live for. Oh, that's when everything changes. So if you're in the thick of letting go and feeling all the
feels, know that you're not alone. I'm there with you. I got you. I feel you. I get you. We're in this together. It's okay to miss them like crazy one minute and enjoy the peace and quiet next. It's normal and it's part of this wild, beautiful midlife journey. So let's celebrate the next phase of life together because you've earned every minute of it. And remember, just because they're out of the house doesn't mean that they're ever far from your heart. Thank you for listening.
Always, always, always. Love yourself first and have an amazing day.