Welcome to the Mastering Midlife Podcast where we talk about all the crazy fun things that happen when you are a midlife mama. I'm your host Heather London, let's dig in. Today is my oldest son, Phoenix's 21st birthday and I found myself being nostalgic and thinking back to when I was pregnant with him. Being pregnant for the first time is so exciting, everything is new and then being a mom for the first time and how crazy and exciting that is. I remember
thinking, oh I can never stay home for five years. Oh my gosh, I'm going to go back to work right away. That sounds like not something I can do and I remember staying up all night, how hard that was, how hard it is in the beginning. I remember the moment he was born and
just that feeling of euphoria, just that unconditional love. I remember the moment where it was hard when he wasn't sleeping through the night and the thought that I had, I realized it was a thought that made it hard and I changed my thought and that was a game changer for me. Then I remember my mom helping me and him growing into this little personality, just so adorable and then Santos came along and Phoenix didn't like that much at first but now they're how they're
best friends. They do everything together. Actually right now they're out together with a friend doing birthday stuff and then we're going to go out for dinner tonight just having all these moments of remembering this whole adventure. I remember when he was a baby and I thought oh my gosh, I never want you to change. You're just the most adorable thing and then they start walking and talking and it can be a lot of work but it goes by in the blink of an eye. It really does.
Like people tell you that all the time and you're like yeah yeah thanks for the tip but it's true. It just passes by so quickly and before you know it they're 21 years old but in the meantime you've lived so many lives in that time. You've had so many adventures, so many ups, so many downs. I definitely found as the kids got older I found it easier but then when they became teenagers it got hard in a different way and I really think that my kids were easy kids to raise.
Like kind of a low maintenance. That's the way I thought of them. They weren't you know rebellious or anything like that so I feel very very lucky that we have the relationship that we have and how close we are, how connected we are, all the wonderful things that we do.
But there were hard times of course there were hard times and it's so fascinating when you look back on the times where you would give anything just for like a moment of break just one moment in time where you can have to yourself just a moment where somebody isn't calling you wanting something
hanging off of you and then they turn into independent human beings and you would like pay all the money in the world for those moments again because they're busy living their own lives and it's not that they don't love you they do but they're so excited about the lives that they're living it's new and exciting and it can be so hard to let these little human beings go but that's our job is
to raise them to not need us. That's kind of like the oxymoron or the dichotomy of being a parent is the letting go part and when I'm thinking about it kind of all the aspects of life there's always a celebration when you turn a certain age or you know when you when there's like a big milestone in
your life but not necessarily for letting go of your kids not necessarily for being a midlife mom and I wonder if it's because we as moms are usually like not wanting to be celebrated or just low key in the background doing the stuff not not wanting to put the spotlight on us like I wonder why
it isn't just a huge celebration because you've done your job and now you can go and create a life or create whoever you want to be now you can do that when you're being a parent but it's really hard to do that most of us don't most of us are locked in on this parenting thing and then when our
kids don't need us anymore our heads go off we're like okay where am I what now what am I going to do now what's next what's my passion where do I want to live what job do I want what's what lights me up who am I where am I going to put all this time and attention that I have who's going to who am I going to focus this on so that's a huge transition and maybe it's just because of where I am in my life now like I never really heard about it before I never really thought about it before
except for in the form of a midlife crisis and I'm of the belief that it doesn't have to be a crisis it could be like a midlife celebration a midlife rebirth a midlife adventure like I am all about the e-pray love midlife adventures what's possible for us now and it's letting go of what was
but being curious and excited for what is or what could be but as I was thinking about the time that the kids and I have had together it's funny because it's the first smidgen of their life and so a lot of that they won't remember but because for me it's like a huge part of my life in the
middle of my life I'm gonna remember all of the things but for the boys their memories of of the things we did and that will fade and that kind of makes me sad because and maybe that's why I took all the pictures and videos I hope that one day they looked at these videos and go wow
we had such a great life such a great upbringing we did all these things we went on all these adventures sure went on the time what we were doing now as videotaping they didn't like that at all but I really believe that one day they'll find this big box of you know videos and pictures
and just like love love love going through them and reminiscing about what was or experiencing like realizing what was without having any clue of all these amazing things that we did and when I look at Phoenix today the man that he's turning into I remember the baby that he was
I remember the toddler that he was and that when I look at him today I can see flashes of that like sometimes you know just in his mannerisms or his looks I just remember that little guy and then I think what's it going to be like you know another 20 years from now
who's he going to be what's he going to be doing what amazingness is he going to be creating in the world what kind of life is he going to be living I'm just so curious about that and then I think about me as well and I have glimpses of who I used to be
and curiosity and excitement about who I get to become and what do I what I get to create for myself and I'm balancing on that fine line because I know that my boys are ready to move on and I encourage that but my heart wants to hold on to them as long as for as long as possible so I will remain
a rock I will stay in place I will be the anchor until they decide that they're ready to move on and then and only then will I do the same but I don't want to do it early I don't want to be the first one to go because it'll never be like this again no matter what happens it'll never be like
the three of us against the world again because they'll go on they'll create their families and do have all these adventures and so I want to hold on to every last drop of what is right now and for that reason I will stay you know as long as the last one is here staying waiting deciding
trying to figure it out and I'll enjoy that time until they do decide whether it happens tomorrow or whether it happens in a year I'm going to soak in every moment of it and so for today's podcast I just wanted to encourage you to really cherish those memories cherish the moments of right now
because if you're if you haven't gone through this you will be going through this and just find a place in your heart like just enjoy the reminiscing enjoy the calling up those memories the good times the hard times when I was thinking about this podcast
I went for a walk and on my way back there was this family that was out for a walk bike ride so they had super young kids and the mom was a little further ahead with the older one riding a scooter and the dad had the youngest one like maybe two or three like really young and he had one of those
balanced bikes without pedals and I guess he decided he didn't want to ride it anymore and so the dad had him on his shoulders and he was carrying the bike and as I walked by and they were slowly getting further and further behind the mom and the older child and as I walked
by the dad and the little boy I could hear the boy saying I don't want to ride my bike and the dad saying like making the wheel is spinning going boom boom look at how fun this could be a lot of fun and I and I just thought oh my gosh was it a great dad moment because he wasn't upset
he was just in the moment supporting his son and just trying to encourage him to make it sound exciting like just not getting upset in any way shape or form and he had all the time in the world to make it from here to there even as the rest of the family got further further ahead
of him it didn't matter and I thought what a great dad moment you're having here and I wonder if he knew what a great moment he was having like here I am having this experience with him and it's just another day for him but what up the patience that he showed the kindness the love like what a
powerful gift that he's giving his son just to be so kind and gentle I just oh I just melted my heart and I remember seeing that and flashing back to a memory of Phoenix I took him for I was going for a run I liked to run and I put Santos in the stroller because he was so young
and Phoenix had his little pedal bike with with the wheels on it and we got like maybe five 10 minutes out and then he didn't want to ride his bike anymore but I had brought a rope and so the rope was attached to his bike so when I was running the rope would pull his bike and it was some like
this is genius this is such a great idea and then wouldn't you know it he wasn't steering and he fell over sideways and it turned into a mess and so I ended up carrying everything and everybody back home and that's what flashback in that moment is because now that I look back on it it was a
hilarious experience in the moment not so hilarious because I'm like how am I going to get back now what am I going to do with all this stuff but it's just moments like that that are so beautiful and I just wanted to share that with you like just looking back on how far we've come and all the
experiences and that's just those little moments is what makes us who we are and makes makes our life so wonderful and valuable are just all these moments added up together and that's all I wanted to share today just can you see those moments can you find those moments when you're having a hard
time or think back on the moments that now that they're past how they've made you who you are or shaped your family or your your child in some way shape or form anyway that's just a little share just random thoughts from my brain on my son's 21st birthday thank you for listening always always always love yourself first and have an amazing day