Talking points: history, mythology, archetypes, culture I’ve recently been asked to dig more into the deeper stuff, and who better to delve into the history of the ancients than Alex Petkas. We dig into how important history and story can be, how modern society has watered down the hero archetype, and who we can learn from in ancient history to re-inspire us. This is great ep to dig into if you’re searching for actual heroes, not just what you see on TV. (00:00:00) - What was the role of the “he...
Nov 25, 2024•1 hr 2 min•Ep. 519
talking points: anxiety, psychology, relationships If you've ever been with someone who struggles with anxiety, this one's for you. A lot of men lean heavily into trying to fix things, even making it their entire mission. Here are some alternative steps that respect responsibility, autonomy, and help strengthen the relationship. (00:00:00) - Intro, my working definition of anxiety, and the many places it comes from (00:05:42) - Signs of anxiety in your partner (00:10:47) - So what do you do? On ...
Nov 21, 2024•21 min
Talking points: masculinity, psychology, myth, Jung Hot on the heels of the legendary John Lee, I interviewed another founding elder of men's work: Michael Meade. This is a powerful discussion focused on how essential "descent" is for men, and how it's almost completely disappeared from society in favor of endless, destructive growth and commodified "mastery". Powerful words from one of the wisest teachers out there, in my opinion. (00:00:00) - The importance of descent in a man’s life (00:11:51...
Nov 18, 2024•1 hr 2 min•Ep. 518
Talking points: psychology, depression, These are 3 conditions you may have never heard of before, but based on my experience working with men for 10+ years, they’ve got a significant presence. They’re also under-discussed. (00:00:00) - Dysthymia, aka low-key depression (00:04:25) - Alexithymia, when you can't describe emotions (00:07:06) - Derealization, when nothing feels real Further Reading -Dysthymia: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dysthymia -Alexithymia: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/...
Nov 14, 2024•14 min
Talking points: masculinity, culture, mythopoetics, Robert Bly, Iron John Maybe you've heard it said that there are lots of "olders", but barely any elders. John Lee is one of the latter, in my opinion. A critical player in men's movements of the 90s and close friends with Robert Bly, John is a wealth of knowledge, insight, and honest talk—and no stranger to deep work. Listen in, team. (00:00:00) - Intro, and what brought John to where he is today (00:06:23) - The impact Robert Bly had on the my...
Nov 11, 2024•59 min•Ep. 517
Talking points: relationships We all know how a couple handles conflict can be the difference between love that’s thriving and resilient and something that is…well, the exact opposite: leading through conflict. Listen in for five aspects of the that don’t get talked about often enough, in my opinion. (00:00:00) - Intro, and a practical definition of conflict (00:03:14) - Address your conflict kryptonite (00:05:59) - Ownership over blame (00:07:57) - Stop seeing conflict as a path to disconnectio...
Nov 07, 2024•15 min
Talking points: mindset, purpose, military, masculinity A sincere honor to chat with J.R., and I’m blown away by his perspective and honesty on the hardship he’s faced—and overcome. We cover a lot of ground: the importance of male friendship, the struggles veterans can go through, the importance of vulnerability AND accountability. Throughout it all, J.R.’s outlook shines through. Listen in, team. (00:00:00) - JR’s defining moment (00:11:45) - What happened to JR during his deployment (00:23:58)...
Nov 04, 2024•1 hr 6 min•Ep. 516
Talking points: attachment, psychology, relationships Men tend to underestimate how important the feeling of safety is for their partners. Not a dig, just something I’ve seen time and time again. And if you’re partner has an avoidant or anxious attachment style, your part in creating a sense of safety in the relationship can be complicated. Listen in for some straightforward tips. (00:00:00) - Intro, and why women sometimes “test” you (00:03:45) - Here’s what changes when she has an avoidant or ...
Oct 31, 2024•19 min
Talking points: mindset, psychology, meditation, spirituality Meditation and mindfulness get a lot of air time these days, especially on the more “crunchy” side of wellness spectrum. But is it all it’s cracked up to be? I sat down with Shai to really dig into this, from the wildly esoteric and spiritual side of the question to the more practical, tactical side. Because what’s the point of enlightenment if it doesn’t make things, well, a little lighter? (00:00:00) - Shai’s feeling of being “outsi...
Oct 28, 2024•1 hr 17 min•Ep. 515
Talking points: mindset, psychology Aristotle said, “I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is the victory over self.” Speaking from my own experience, he’s definitely wasn’t wrong. Here’s what nearly every man on the planet has to battle—and how to reclaim your power. (00:00:00) - Intro and why this is an important topic (00:03:37) - What causes a lack of impulse control? Two massive reasons (00:10:40) - How to actually develop a ...
Oct 24, 2024•16 min
Talking points: culture, geopolitics This interview is probably among the most unique I’ve had on the show. I don’t usually cover straight-up politics, but Andrew’s work has fascinated me for a while. And as the world seems to getting more up in arms (literally and figuratively), I find myself wanting to learn more about where all of this started and how we as men can respond. (00:00:00) - Common misconceptions about the CIA (00:11:47) - Why foreign secrets are such a big deal (00:24:51) - Andre...
Oct 21, 2024•1 hr 29 min•Ep. 514
Talking points: intimacy, relationships Game changers aren’t usually simple, especially when it comes to intimate relationships. But this is a surprisingly easy, straightforward step that I’ve seen work time and time again. So listen in and let some wonderful things happen. (00:00:00) - Expectationless desire and why it’s important (00:05:37) - What to do, and what it looks like (00:08:36) - Final thoughts *** Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotag...
Oct 17, 2024•11 min
Talking points: culture, parenting One of the most informative fifty minutes I’ve ever recorded; and now that I’m a father of two, it’s pretty well timed! Grateful for Lisa’s insight, her years of experience, and her great sense of humor. This is the episode to listen to if you (like pretty much every parent) are looking for sound advice that you can act on literally right now. (00:00:00) - Intro, and what are parents being taught that isn’t actually beneficial? (00:06:40) - How do we raise kids...
Oct 14, 2024•51 min•Ep. 513
Talking points: culture, masculinity, social issues Inspired by a recent article in the WSJ. Young men are facing some serious difficulties right now. We need to not just be aware of what’s going on, but follow that up with coherent, intelligent action. I’m not some genius who can declare national-level policy changes, but I KNOW what works on an individual level. If you’re a man who’s struggling in the face of increasing isolation and an uncertain future, here are five things you can work on ri...
Oct 10, 2024•27 min
Talking points: culture, masculinity, relationships Warren’s been a consistent and committed voice for men for decades now, an it’s been far too long since we’ve talked, so when I wanted to get some insight on how things have changed—or not—he was the obvious choice! We cover the complexity of what “makes” a man, get into politics, and some solid practical advice for couples. Enjoy and dig in. (00:00:00) - What’s happening to young men in today’s culture (00:09:47) - Warren’s take on why there s...
Oct 07, 2024•59 min•Ep. 512
Talking points: porn, addiction, mindset, psychology We all know it’s not easy. We all know it takes time. What you might NOT know is that there’s a simple reframe about quitting things like porn, weed, alcohol, and more that swings the odds in your favor. Listen in. (00:00:00) - Intro (00:02:58) - A new perspective on some addictions (00:04:27) - The real question to ask (00:07:08) - What to do instead (00:09:27) - If you’re like me, this is gonna take time (00:19:45) - Number five: they create...
Oct 03, 2024•12 min
Talking points: attachment, tactics, mindset Let’s admit we all want a relationship that’s balanced and has minimal conflict and insecurity. I’ve talked about what anxious and avoidant couples do, but how do securely attached couples navigate? Here are five things to model. (00:00:00) - Intro, and a quick recap on the main attachment styles (00:07:30) - What do securely attached people in relationships do? Number one: healthy conflict and resolution building (00:10:45) - Number two: they operate...
Sep 30, 2024•27 min•Ep. 511
Talking points: culture This one will rattle some people, but it needs saying. Let’s just leave it at that. (00:00:00) - Intro, and why shaming men is a bad approach to better behavior (00:05:27) - The patriarchy virus (00:11:06) - Yes, this has a lot of a complexity, but dehumanizing men who aren’t in power isn’t helping anyone (00:14:19) - The practical consequences and how we need to take a step back *** Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, ...
Sep 26, 2024•18 min
Talking points: isolation, culture, relationships, friendship, anger, connection Every now and I then, my team and I like to compile some of the greatest insights from our guests and center them around a theme. This week, we’re going hard on connection. The importance and nuance of it, the consequences of being without it, and the ways connection manifests. These days, connection isn't easy, but it's more important than ever. Listen in some highly distilled wisdom. (00:00:00) - Doug McKinley on ...
Sep 23, 2024•1 hr 6 min•Ep. 510
Talking points: fatherhood, parenting, mindset, culture Taking time off as a man seems perfectly normal—until it’s done for a newborn. While I don’t disagree that a father can (and should) work to provide for his family, I also think that your presence is a deeply important factor in your kid’s development. Here’s my rationale. (00:00:00) - What inspired this episode (00:03:10) - The real reasons I took time off (00:07:56) - How I’ve learned to define success (00:11:52) - I challenge men to thin...
Sep 19, 2024•14 min
Talking points: relationships, testosterone, estrogen, stress I had John on the show years ago, and it seemed like the right time to ask: has anything changed since publishing his seminal book? Turns out the answer is yes—and no. Dig in with us as we cover John’s take on conflict, mindset, confidence, emotions, hormones, and a lot more! (00:00:00) - How have things changed since you wrote your book, and do men and women deal with stress differently? (00:16:40) - John’s take on why testosterone h...
Sep 16, 2024•1 hr 3 min•Ep. 509
Talking points: attachment, avoidance, relationships This is thicker one, my friends. I’ve been asked by a lot of you to cover this, and here goes. There’s straightforward tactics in here for both men and women that will help you move more easily into deeper and longer lasting connection. Listen in. (00:00:00) - Intro, some of the internal beliefs an avoidant woman has learned, and what caused them (00:06:08) - Avoidant women tend to attract savior-oriented men. Here’s why (00:09:26) - What to d...
Sep 12, 2024•29 min
Talking points: music, artistry, creativity, AI, culture, spirituality, psychedelics Music has been around for thousands and thousands of years. There’s a reason for that: it’s a powerful, synchronizing force between peoples, places hearts, and minds. And when you add psychedelics, well, that’s a recipe for incredible journeys. I’m honored to have had this convo with one of my favorite artists, and we dig into just how important music is not just for enjoyment but as a guide, mentor, and facilit...
Sep 09, 2024•59 min
Talking points: relationships, mindset, victimhood, entitlement This is going to…bother some of you, but it needs to be said. Straight out the gates, this isn’t an every single man or every single woman issue, but these are what’s contributing to the insanity that is modern dating. Hear me out. (00:00:00) - Intro and how this is gonna upset some people (00:02:21) - The man that some women expect to date doesn’t exist, why that’s a thing, (00:07:55) - The idea that what women bring to a relations...
Sep 05, 2024•23 min
Talking points: parenting, attachment, mindset, psychology, neurology The internet behaved badly in this episode, but Eli is so knowledgeable and thorough I had to put this up! The Attachment Nerd herself brought a TON of info and practical tips for parents this week. Strongly encourage you to listen to this with other parents. I certainly learned a lot. Her new book comes out Sept. 3rd; go pick it up! (00:00:00) - What is reflective functioning, and when does that start developing? (00:06:58) -...
Sep 02, 2024•50 min•Ep. 407
Talking points: suicide, culture, masculinity This isn’t an easy episode, but it’s important. If you’re someone who works with men, whatever kind of work that is, please share. (00:00:00) - A part of my story I rarely share (00:04:30) - What I’ve learned (00:07:35) - What’s contributing to this? (00:10:36) - If you’re somehow involved with men, here’s what to do. If you’re in this situation, here’s what I’ll tell you *** Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End S...
Aug 29, 2024•16 min
Talking points: attachment, avoidance, divorce My anonymous guest this week has been solving the puzzle of his anxious attachment style for a while now. He’s made great progress, but there’s more to be done. On top of this, while it’s impacted all of his romantic relationships with intense conflict, distance, and damage, his wife is an avoidant. It’s a complicated situation, but there IS a way forward. (00:00:00) - What brought our guest in today (00:05:58) - Why my guest is holding onto somethi...
Aug 26, 2024•40 min•Ep. 406
Talking points: attachment, avoidance, mindset, psychology If you, your partner, or someone you’re friends with has an avoidant attachment style, this one’s specifically for you! These are the steps I took and the ones I recommend to clients who are just starting out and want to get their avoidance under control. They’re simple, but not easy. Listen in. (00:00:00) - The two things changing from avoidant to secure depends on, and why (00:05:58) - Build self-awareness around these two crucial thin...
Aug 22, 2024•18 min
Talking points: collapse, culture, masculinity, psychology, Jung There are very few people out there I consider genuine, authentic elders. Francis Weller is one of them. With a perfect marriage of gentle compassion and firm sincerity, Francis is the man you want to share a campfire with when times are tough. He lays out what we’re facing collectively from the perspective of someone deeply in tune with the natural world, and how we need to respond. (00:00:00) - Why we’re in “the long dark”, and w...
Aug 19, 2024•1 hr 7 min•Ep. 405
Talking points: aging, mindset, personal growth I bottomed out in my 20s and nearly lost everything. When I finally emerged from the rubble, I had NO idea where to even begin. The following are things I learned the hard way, so if you’re in a similar spot, strongly encourage you to listen in. Here’s how you rebuild. (00:00:00) - Intro and number 1: make competency your aim (00:03:33) - Number 2: get in shape (00:05:24) - Number 3: learn how to save and invest, and get yourself out of debt (00:07...
Aug 15, 2024•13 min
