If giving empathy and expression in NVC is based in connecting around needs, what is one to do when the other person involved is not interested in contributing to your needs? This is a very tough topic to explain and Dr. B shares a bit about her own process when this sort of thing happens in her life. It tends to be helpful to do deep self-empathy and "meet" your own needs but not in the way that most people would think. Take some time to listen here to learn more. Additional Resources: Website:...
Jun 30, 2021•11 min•Ep. 41
Kelly McGrath worked for 20+ years in the General Counsel's office at the Florida Department of Children and Families. After learning NVC from Dr. Bigbie, she was inspired to take her work in a different direction and now has a private law firm with the focus on communication first. In this Episode, she shares a bit more about her own personal practices to support herself in her career and she also shares what it looks like to integrate NVC into the legal field. Additional Resources: Website: ht...
Jun 23, 2021•15 min•Ep. 40
In this episode, we quickly go over the components of empathy: presence, reflection, and needs guesses. Then, you will hear Dr. B going through a list of "mock" statements and Heather responding - first with reflection, then Other Conversational Responses, and then taking needs guesses. The contrast is done to help people experience, side-by-side, the different kinds of responses. We, especially, would like the listeners to come away with some imaginings of how empathy could sound in a conflict ...
Jun 16, 2021•13 min•Ep. 39
In his book, "My Grandmother's Hands: Racialized Trauma and the Pathway to Mending our Hearts and Bodies," Resmaa Menakem shares about historical and generational trauma and how it lives in our bodies. Dr. B believes this work is significant and very much aligned with the ability to move or not with NVC skills in the world - to disrupt the trauma epidemic we see playing out around us. Additional Resources: Website: https://www.thebigbiemethod.com Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thebigbiemetho...
Jun 09, 2021•13 min•Ep. 38
After a conflict that started on Mother's Day, Dr. B and her daughter had a conversation using their NVC skills and it was "quickly" and "sweetly" resolved. Afterwards, Dr. B wished she had recorded the whole thing so that her listeners could hear how this process works in real life situations. Luckily, her daughter was game to come on the show and recreate the conversation so that listeners could hear and, hopefully, learn. It may see odd to hear this and folks may think it sounds "weird" or "i...
Jun 02, 2021•19 min•Ep. 37
Sometime out loud empathy may not be connecting and, in those circumstances, silent empathy may be just the ticket. What is silent empathy? How is it different than just getting quiet in a moment? When is the best time to use silent empathy? When might you want to try a different strategy? All of this is discussed during this week's episode. Additional Resources: Website: https://www.thebigbiemethod.com Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thebigbiemethod Twitter: @ TheBigbieMethod Instagram: @ th...
May 26, 2021•10 min•Ep. 36
According to author, Steve Taylor, humans have three different states of mind: Abstraction, Absorption, and Attention. Abstraction is the busy mind, consumed with thoughts about past and future. Our minds are so consumed that we are not plugged into the present moment at all. This is, primarily, where most of us live. Absorption occurs when we are sucked into some kind of activity and it takes over our mind. Playing a sport, reading a book, watching TV...our minds are so absorbed in the task tha...
May 19, 2021•15 min•Ep. 35
WAIT stands for Why Am I Talking or What Am I Thinking? Both are important and serve different roles in the NVC process. It's important to let the other know that you are WAITING - otherwise there is a lot of room for making up stories and causing further disconnection. There are a number of ways to share that you are WAITING. Dr. B gives several examples on how to do so. Additional Resources: Website: https://www.thebigbiemethod.com Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thebigbiemethod Twitter: @ ...
May 12, 2021•11 min•Ep. 34
"The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking that created them." Dr. B ends this episode with quote from Albert Einstein. This week's guest provides a perfect example of addressing conflict at a very different level of thinking. By providing this week's example as well as the one on Episode 32, it is our hope to inspire others to try doing conflict in a totally different way. Of course, if you need support, you can always contact us and/or take a course throug...
May 05, 2021•12 min•Ep. 33
Additional Resources: Website: https://www.thebigbiemethod.com Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thebigbiemethod Twitter: @ TheBigbieMethod Instagram: @ thebigbiemethod LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cindybigbienvc YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel Be sure to leave a rating and review on Apple Podcasts and share it with a friend that would get some value! The Bigbie Method website: https://www.thebigbiemethod.com...
Apr 28, 2021•15 min•Ep. 32
This episode starts out with some lamenting and some empathy regarding the technical problems with the podcast's audio quality - which were pointed out by a listener. Dr. B. is a bit frustrated and perplexed about how to go forward and receives empathy from Heather - thus giving our audience an example and reminder of the NVC empathy process. NVC empathy combines presence, reflecting, and needs guesses. A listener's email is shared and broken down to show all the places where NVC process was use...
Apr 21, 2021•13 min•Ep. 31
On self-connection..."... It's a good habit to get into. I recommend people start doing this when you start a meeting, when you're beginning a class, before you get out of your car in the morning to go to work, just pausing and getting connected with self because often we don't even know what the heck is going on inside there, so then we certainly can't speak from that place," (00:36.6) "Yeah, I guess I think of NVC is like a super power you can wield and sometimes you can misuse it..."(06:36:0)...
Apr 14, 2021•22 min•Ep. 30
Mournings and Celebrations are a way of talking about things that have occurred while keeping our language judgment free. NVC groups tend to use this kind of language during check in and check outs to help people talk about the NVC process while using the NVC process. We go more into detail about what this means in this episode. Some folks really struggle with the concepts of Mourings and Celebrations, so we provide several examples throughout the recording. Additional Resources: Website: https:...
Apr 07, 2021•14 min•Ep. 29
Dr. B discusses why she thinks making this "simple" distinction, between thoughts and feelings, in our communication can bring about more peace in our world. It's important to practice in neutral situations to form a habit that can show up in the midst of conflict and help the conflict end in greater connection. Stating thoughts as thoughts, as opposed to couching them in feelings, provides more accountability and clarity for all involved in the communication. Additional Resources: Website: http...
Mar 31, 2021•13 min•Ep. 28
In this Episode, you will learn about the various components of The Bigbie Method (TBM): The Intro Course - a foundational course to learn the basics of Nonviolent Communication The Empathy Gym - a membership style gym where you workout your empathy and NVC muscles instead of biceps. "Just sit and click" and let your NVC skills come to life in your daily life. The TBM Certification process - for people interested in making this your life's work. Not everyone will qualify to do this work in schoo...
Mar 24, 2021•19 min•Ep. 27
In this Episode, we share the following information What is The Bigbie Method? How did The Bigbie Method come to be? A little about the Community Connections Restorative Justice Program that was the "testing ground" for The Bigbie Method. The various services provided by The Bigbie Method Information on the upcoming Intro to NVC course offered by The Bigbie Method (learn.thebigbiemethod.com) Additional Resources: Website: https://www.thebigbiemethod.com Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thebigb...
Mar 17, 2021•21 min•Ep. 26
Here are some of the questions answered on this episode. What do you do when you have to have a difficult conversation with your child? Heather and Dr. B roleplay a situation between mom and 9-year old. Where do feelings guesses fit into the empathy process? Does taking feelings guesses when in jackal talk help you or someone move more towards understanding their needs? Listen in to find out! Additional Resources: Website: https://www.thebigbiemethod.com Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thebig...
Mar 09, 2021•15 min•Ep. 25
"Would you say one of our greatest freedoms is in our ability to choose how we react to things? ." (00:43.2) "How did you get involved and what kind of an impact or what changes have you seen since you've been using NVC? " (05:28:7) "...if you're speaking in observational terms, then you have a common place to start the conversation, you're not getting caught up in judgments that start the conversation about on the wrong foot. So that's all true, but what we're talking about here is the other re...
Mar 03, 2021•21 min•Ep. 24
"Jackaling is using the language of blame as opposed to Nonviolent Communication which is known as Giraffe language, the giraffe is the symbol of NVC." (00:23.7) " Sometimes it's painful to be in jack mode, but I also want people to note that the jackal can be very productive... Can be actually very helpful. We should embrace our jackals." (03:32:7) "Can you just stay with that? The pain of it [your jackal]. The frustration with it. Can you meet that need? So to speak, not meeting it, by having ...
Feb 24, 2021•12 min•Ep. 23
Episode Notes WAIT stands for Why Am I Talking or What Am I Thinking? (01:14.4) "There's nothing passive about the WAIT process." (03:12.4) "Sometimes you're just like, you're at your wits end. You don't care anymore, you have no capacity to try to hear or take guesses about what's going on with the other, and that's when you go on and wait, and that's when you might wanna do some things, to be able to gain that capacity back to be able to gain some level of compassion for what is happening with...
Feb 17, 2021•13 min•Ep. 22
And I do wanna go back to the first part of the role play when you didn't wanna go into any of the strategies with me, like the conversation... couldn't go any further. It was too triggering, and I want our listeners to know that probably what I would do in a couple of days before I met with Heather again would be that I... would I be in what's called WAIT. We've talked about that in previous episodes. WAIT stands for, Why am I talking? Or what am I thinking? Wait is an active time in normal com...
Feb 10, 2021•20 min•Ep. 21
How do we tackle racism? That is a big question. That's a very big question, and my answer might not be something that people want to hear, but the first thing that comes to my mind is, can we stop calling it racism . (01.57) The main point here is, if you really want to enact change, which is I think what the caller said, she wants to enact change, it starts with yourself, start to pay attention where you are having some evaluative language, also if you're so upset, it's a huge indication that ...
Feb 03, 2021•19 min•Ep. 20
Key Points Discussed: "...{This episode is for people who may not be interested in NVC or know people who are resistant because they have] ideas about it being really prescribed and it not seeming or feeling natural "(0:11:9) "...how do you convert someone... You don't convert someone, you model and you give empathy and yes, sometimes the empathy can be too much, especially early on when people are learning it and it can sound very robotic or maybe people experience needing more authenticity wit...
Jan 27, 2021•12 min•Ep. 19
Key Points Discussed: "...what self-connection does, it gets you connected with what's there, which is what we tend to not want to do very often, pay attention, especially when there's some discomfort, and yet it can be very helpful ."(3:21) "So there's a lot of emphasis in NVC around meeting your need, well, this is a different way of meeting your needs, it's not necessarily like getting your needs handled, it's really like greeting your need, like, Oh, hello there."(5:03) "There's this idea of...
Jan 20, 2021•16 min•Ep. 18
We recorded Part 2 of this Episode first and then Heather was a bit triggered by the conversation and Dr. B. was also concerned that some folks might take offense to the "education" being offered during the program. So, we followed what we teach and decided to record another Episode and give empathy to Heather (and, perhaps, our audience as well) on her upset about the conversation. Politics and NVC - it's an edgy subject. This Episode attempts to highlight the problem with labels and non-observ...
Jan 13, 2021•21 min•Ep. 17
Key Points Discussed: I wanna speak about connecting requests because they're revolutionary. I really do believe they are revolutionary, and partly why they are revolutionary is because we don't do them, they're just a whole new concept of what you do when you're in dialogue with someone in conflict.(2:00) "I'm wondering if you're open to hearing some of my thoughts on this..." is a connecting request. (3:50) "I'm wondering what you are hearing in terms of my feelings and needs?" Which FYI, gues...
Jan 05, 2021•14 min•Ep. 16
Key Points Discussed: I've been training youth and community volunteers in the NVC process, and I'm getting ready to launch my business called The Bigbie Method to operationalize peace in America schools by using NVC as the backbone.(1:20) There's a lot of people that hear the term Non-Violent Communication and they think this isn't for me, I'm not violent. When in fact, the term Non-Violent Communication comes from Gandhi's term of non-violence, and it's kind of based in this idea that anything...
Dec 29, 2020•6 min•Ep. 15
So I want to give you a little background on how we even came up with us. I want you to really meet my good friend and co-host, and my daughter from another mother, Heather. So what happened was Heather came over for dinner tonight, we were supposed to be talking about some podcast-related stuff, and what you need know about Heather is she meets my needs hugely for laughter and fun. In fact, she has done and really loves to do comedy, she likes to make people laugh, and this podcast is more abou...
Dec 23, 2020•18 min•Ep. 14
Key Points Discussed: I think many people venturing into NVC, just the name of it, Non-Violent Communication. I think some folks might think that means that there's no place for getting angry or there's no place for dropping the F-bomb, but that's not true, there is a place for it in NVC and it happens to be during the WAIT period. (00.31) WAIT stands for Why Am I Talking? In other words, be quiet now. (01:07) WAIT also stands for What am I thinking? What am I telling myself? Am I staying only i...
Dec 16, 2020•14 min•Ep. 13
In this episode, Dr. B. and Heather go over the difference between needs and strategies. They discuss why it's important, in conflict, to first identify the needs in play and then move to solutions/strategies. Most of us have a pattern of moving towards strategies as soon as a conflict arises. Slowing down, hearing one another at the need level is key to moving towards connection - then strategies and solutions will naturally arise. Key Points Discussed: Hold your needs tightly and your strategi...
Dec 09, 2020•11 min•Ep. 12
