Welcome back , sparklers , to another episode of ignite your spark with me , your host , kim Duff Selby . Today , my guest is Anita Yacota , and I hope I pronounced that name correctly .
Perfect , great , and I'm really excited to speak with Anita because she was a therapist turned designer home home designer , I guess and I think it is just fascinating and this really appeals to me because I think our space in which we live is so important , and obviously Anita does too .
She worked with people for many years helping them with their own interior stuff , and now she works with them with their real interior stuff . Absolutely that's weird . Anyway , welcome Anita . Thank you so much for joining me .
Thank you , kim , and I'm so excited to be with you and your listeners today .
I really love your message , something I've not heard about before , so I think it's really unique . Before we get into you and your story and all about what you have to offer the world at this time , I would love for you to tell me how do you ignite your spark .
I love that question . You know I love finding ways to stay present in the moment . I know this is talked a lot about , talked a lot about , but I find ways so that I can feel grounded and in the moment , because my mind can flip and fly to many futuristic trips or things or thinking about the past , and so I obviously a go to is meditation .
I have a ritual every morning . I have a coffee actually pouring ritual . I try to make routines and rituals because our brains have grooves and something that's very hopeful about sparking your , igniting your spark , as your podcast title mentions is our brains can create new grooves as we go , as we learn , as we journey in life , so it's never the end .
We can create new rituals to ignite that spark . So for me , every day can be a little different . I have my morning routine . That's about the same , but if I , at 1130 in the morning , need to just stop and I find myself a little anxious , I actually just take my shoes off , I go outside and I just feel the grass under my feet .
Or I find some kind of tactile , physical way to bring my internal and external worlds together and connect and align again , because sometimes our internal and external worlds are worlds apart and we're not connected . We're not feeling a sense of self or connection with our individual self , and then the people around us are in our home .
That is a beautiful answer , thank you , and there are no accidents or coincidences , because I live in a gorgeous home . It's a treehouse kind of home , no grass , it has some gravel out , and I will tell you that recently , because I've well whatever feeling off , I have gone to a park almost every day .
I prescribed this for myself and took , taken off my shoes and put my feet in the grass for a minimum of 15 minutes and I there's something so grounding about that and it's so interesting that you said that If I had grass in my house , I'd probably be outside all the time not in my house , outside of my house .
But I think that is such a great way for people to reconnect to the earth , to ground and to themselves . Thank you for sharing that .
You're welcome and if you don't have grass , that's okay . The most important thing is getting that fresh air and sunshine and even if your location doesn't always have sunshine but there's light right , like if your home is kind of dark , just go outside even for three minutes and get that fresh air and sunlight .
Because , again , our brains and our chemistry , the hormones that goes on with our bodies and our brain , we want to send the most positive energy and vibes and that means getting that vitamin D , increasing those dopamine and serotonin levels , those cortisol stress levels , really can do a number on us .
So it's making that effort to stop what you're doing and switch gears a little bit so that you can stay present and connect .
Perfect One of the holistic practitioners I see really is strongly in favor of going outside every single morning just to get that initial dose of vitamin D .
And I do that and I actually take a glass water bottle that I got at Ikea and fill it with water and put it outside so that I drink some water every single day , and I think that is a great way to ingest vitamin D .
That's something I'm really working hard on is getting that first glass of water in before my coffee so that I get my hydration . I'm not great at it , so it's every day , it's a habit forming kind of challenge for me . Yeah .
Well , step aside from vitamin D , although for my environment it is critical that I have a lot of light , so let's go into that . But also I'm curious why did you leave being a marriage ? And it was marriage and family , yeah , so I still yeah . I'm still , and I read that your husband is also .
Yes , yes . So both of us met in graduate school for a license marriage and family therapy and I have been a therapist for 20 years helping clients make sense of their story .
And then about nine , 10 years ago actually no more than that but I actively started my interior design business after my third daughter was born and that I switched and pivot to interior design . And it's funny , it's a big jump , but at the same time it kind of makes sense that to go together all my interior design friends .
They may not have degrees but they totally empathize with what I share with people and so it just kind of now , as a designer , I get to help tell their story in their homes instead of sitting in an office . So it's very exciting for me to do this .
It's what I feel invigorates me , it absolutely ignites my spark to help people in this manner versus in an office . I realized early on I'm just not an office kind of person .
Well , it seems like all of your years of training to go into therapy certainly assists you in what you do , because you work with people and Read them , so to speak , and I know you also have a book called Home Therapy . Such a great title . Love it . Thank you so much .
Oh , my gosh , I know it was in the anthropology , one of my favorite stores to browse through . I don't know if it's still there , but I think what a great idea . You know truth . I have not read it , but I think it sounds so interesting .
And when I was exploring your website , I noticed that you have an intake form which , if you are a typical interior designer because I've worked with maybe one or two , not many , they don't do that . Tell me a little bit how you came up with this intake form and how that really implements itself and to the success of your business .
Yes , absolutely the whole . My book , home Therapy , my website , with all the intake form . It's really mirrors my own experience of helping people way , way back , Even when I was an intern .
I was a social worker that helped people in home , so there was Home Therapy visits and even as a counseling intern , we were taught to observe their home environment , to evaluate their the emotional climate in their home .
But I found myself helping clients organizing their front entry , helping them organize their living room and dining rooms for better communication and better flow . It really was a natural , organic progression that I didn't know at the time . Right , I had no idea that this was gonna .
I was gonna pivot , although I was also that go-to friend who knew the best paint stores and home goods stores and always getting asked to help my friends with their apartments and , later on , homes .
So the intake form is my process with interior design clients , just like how , when you first go to your first therapy session , there's always a questionnaire what brings you in the office , what are you struggling with , what are things that you love , what are just get to know you kind of evaluation .
Well , I found it very helpful with my interior design clients to ask them similar questions because , for me , I not only wanna help people feel good aesthetically , functionally , but my main goal is to help relationships in the home thrive . That's really my passion , that's really at the . We are using interior design as a tool .
But I asked them , through that intake form , let's explore how you live in here , how your family or your partner , your guests if you're single , it's the guests who might come and hang out with you .
What , where you know what are your pain points and where do you want this space to , you know , lead you to , you know what kind of feelings , what kind of experiences . So that's really how the intake form for my interior design clients evolved , because I was like I was already in intake form mode with my , you know , whenever I meet new clients .
That was a very helpful tool , so I just modified it to interior design clients .
Yeah , I really think it's interesting . I read through it and it really made me think . I love how some of the things you know . Why do you love a color ? Because it reminds you of you know , a grandmother . It reminds you of something from your past .
Well , let's integrate that into your home so that you constantly have that feeling and I don't think many of us when we are choosing items for our home or decorating on our own , because I don't hire someone . Generally I'd love to , but it's just not something that has been budgeted for .
But it really made me think about what do I want to feel in this space and I think it's really something that we don't take time for . And you say that it is working on . You really help people in their spaces with their mental health ?
Absolutely , and that's the starting point is finding your core desire . In my book I talk about and I help with a little questionnaire as well how , where do you find your why ? You know there's a lot of talk about your why . I , for my interior design method , I call it your core desire . What is your core desire in this space ?
And again , leading people a little bit away from the functionality and aesthetics and pausing to think about the relationships and the human beings that are living in here .
Because once I've found through interior design is that , once you know what kind of feeling you want for your relationship in this space , which is I don't want to yell at my kids anymore at the front entry doorway . You know the shoes and the backpacks like it's really . I don't want to be that mom anymore or dad or parents .
And that's totally the first step , because then the hooks and the bench and the key holder and the baskets for the shoes , all those things fall into place once you first identify what the relational issue is or the connection issue is , and the rest follows . Or my work from home space , I really want to feel productive .
Well , red and orange is not bad colors . If we use red and orange and pops here . That actually ignites your spark . It energizes your mood . So let's add some energizing colors to your work from home . But if we started off , with what colors would you like ? Right , most people are like scratching their head and they just like I don't know where to begin .
That's why you're here to help me . So I found it faster , more efficient and to the point . When we focus on the relationships in that space and how you want to feel about yourself and the relationships and the rest just falls into place .
That is so cool . I had never thought of this . I interviewed someone who talks about color and texture and the importance of that . She does a little survey as well , but it's a little bit different than what you are offering people and what you are bringing out of them and really interesting .
I don't want to yell at my kids anymore and there's a solution for that via your home . Amazing and so interesting , because a lot of us know what colors we like , don't know why we like them , don't know if they're coming for sleeping . That one is the most common one .
You find that a lot , but something about the entryway in the office and there are interior designers , as I said , worked with a few , and a lot of times they prescribe the same things to everyone that they like Instead of taking into account . What do I want to ?
feel Absolutely . You know most interior designers and it's a craft , it's an art . So I , 1,000 percent , and I struggle with it too , because you know I have a vision for this space and , aesthetically and functionally , for this family or this two partners , who's living in these spaces ? But they're the ones living in there .
They may be feeling and experiencing totally different things , even though we have the same end goal . You know , I'm not them , and so it's really just like in therapy as therapists , we come to the , we meet you at the level of where you're at .
So , same with interior design clients , I may know that certain things ultimately are better for them , but if they're not at a stage where they're ready or they don't want to , then I meet them in the middle of the road .
And for the clients who trust me , whether it's therapy or interior design clients , that was my best work because there was trust , yeah , trust , and trust is super important in yourself and your relationships and working and collaborating . So , long story short , yes , it's incredible once you paradigm shift . You know your emphasis on how to decorate your home .
It's again the colors and the textures .
Those are all amazing , but it's really you need to decide what you want out of that space , despite what Arch Digest says , despite what the magazines and interior designers say , at the end of the day , you're living in that space and you need to have things around you that spark you know , spark your happiness , and nobody can really tell you at the end what
that is . It's a journey for you to discover , hmm .
Do you employ anything Shuei principles ?
Yeah , so I am Asian-American , I'm Chinese-American Sorry second generation , my husband's fourth generation , japanese-american , so that's why my married name is Yokota . And so , growing up , of course , culturally , my mom was a real estate broker and so , of course , if her clients were Asian or Chinese , she had her little compass .
They're very into , like East-West , what's facing here , you know , putting mirrors and front door facing . You know whatever it is , and so it's just part of our culture to know very significant . You know the classic Feng Shui little rules , and I love taking bits and pieces of everything to make it work for you .
So , again , I'm a total believer in the universe and manifesting and and energy . I think that's where I naturally fall and I am attracted to the most . Is is energy . You know what's , what's your energy in your home , and without people , our homes don't have much you know energy to , to interact with .
So I'm attracted most to how do we connect with the universe , how do we connect with others around us and build that energy into something that serves us ?
Okay , of course I love that and I imagine because if you think about walking into someone else's space , you can feel the energy , whether it's a positive environment or negative , and you can see if someone has had a decorator and it is a decorator-driven home or if it has personal touches Personal whatever they are , you know colors or whatever speaks to them , and
I think that's really interesting .
Something again that someone such as myself who go-go-go I really do need to learn and I do work on it , really taking stock of myself and taking time , and I think that really valuable when you are purchasing a new house or a new space and sometimes we do that unknowingly , like I , when we moved into this house ten years ago , was bright light .
I'm like that's it , that's all I want . Is that light coming in ? Because I felt that energy Absolutely Aside . How do you have some tips on how we could make our houses a happy space without seeing them ? I mean , are there tips and tricks for everyone ?
Yeah , oh , absolutely . And I always start with our five senses , you know . And so in my book I talk about the four domains of every space , and they're there . If you think about domains , they're layers of your home . And the first layer , just like in therapy , is starting with your individual layer in this space .
Is there an opportunity for you to grow as an individual in this space , whether it's a reading corner , whether it's a little healthy snack station in the kitchen , you know ? So that's one layer domain . Second is organization .
Without organization , studies show over and over again that our stress , cortisol levels go really high or blood pressure is high , anxiety , depression . So getting organized in any space in that organization domain is important .
And then we have our communal domains , which is a lot of like in the living rooms and dining rooms , hallways , front entry , and that's where we learn to have fun , connect with other people . So in any space you can look for an opportunity to emphasize that domain . And the last , which is rejuven renewal is a layer of rejuvenation .
So I like to think of my five senses . It's five , isn't it ?
I think so .
Okay , four or five , we have those extra senses . Yes , yes , exactly . But so for renewal it's really in any space . A lot of times it's the bedroom and bathroom , but in any space you can find a little spot and create a moment of quietude . You know , I have a little tray . I call them intention trays . I think intention is so important .
And it has a healthy , pre-made snack . Because I know afternoons are a big deal for me . I tend to just go to the pantry and snack on the kids' food . So I have a very intentional corner in my kitchen where I renew myself in the afternoon . And but that's like for taste , right , there's aromatherapy diffusers for your nose .
Your nose to your brain is so important because it's the fastest way to relieve stress . Is by your olfactory system . That lavender , that chamomile , that I mean plethora of scents that can calm you down , that can invigorate you , make you feel more productive . And then plants are amazing . I see some in your room right now .
It is obviously gives you fresh air , but it just visually cues your brain to go oh , there's life in here . You know , it's not just things and objects that are inanimate , there's actually something growing and I can , my energy can feed off that energy . And so I think , for people who are like not knowing where to start , just start with your five senses .
And every individual has a tendency or an attraction . So I'm attracted to visually , obviously right , because I'm an interior designer , so I need a lot of visual cues to remind me to stay positive or be intentional or be present . Some people are tactile .
They really need to do DIYs , they need to crochet , they have to do something with their hands to make them feel alive . And then there's auditory music is amazing and there's dancing with your body , the kinesthetics . So I think starting with your senses is a wonderful way to see how your home can serve you . Oh , nice , and we don't really focus on that .
But again , so much of that is internal , because I love if someone gives me a candle as a gift . But you know a lot of people like our candles please . But candles are really if they're scented the way you like them .
At Christmas time I love the pine scent of candles because we got an artificial tree this year for the first time , which was hard for me , I know , but that scent at least is a very good thing . But that scent at least that scent provides the nourishment and joy and excitement that I feel around the holidays .
So I think you know very simple things like that . It's such a great reminder . I don't sometimes burn my more expensive candles because they're good and I'm like , no , after we get off of this , I'm putting on one of those candles .
Just do it , just use it , live in the moment .
And really , you know , I think we we either go autopilot on in our homes , we just do , do , do , do our own things and talk to the people that we talk to at home , and we just have our routine and we don't think about things , or we do the opposite , which is like , oh , I'm not going to put a hole in the wall until everything's perfect .
I don't want to have the perfect picture and the perfect frame . It's like Just live , just live .
OK , I'm one of those too . You know , it's like there's nothing behind me because I'm not sure what I want behind me .
Yeah , I was that for many years and then one day I got tired of waiting for my husband to help me for certain things and I just took a hammer to the wall and like , forget it , I'm doing it .
And it was very freeing because , first of all , you're empowering yourself and , second of all , it's just like forget the rules , forget what it shoulds and shoulds in the woods , and the coulds , whatever , leaving that perfectionistic thinking behind and just being good enough in the moment .
Oh , I love it . I love it . I recently . I love Wayfair . I go on there to get ideas and things and I saw decals for your . I have two desks . I have my podcast desk and my other one where the light's not as good and there's nothing behind it .
It's a big space and I saw these decals and I have like the tree of life and I thought maybe something like that would be good .
You just I don't know 100% , 100% , and if it is aesthetically pleasing to you , then that's all that matters .
Right If it brings you joy . It's the same thing with clothes that if it's something you enjoy wearing and it's a color you love , well , wear it is what ?
Because I was in fashion for many years what I tell people and there are still people who will say , well , no , I'm in autumn , I can't possibly wear that color I'm like , yeah , I like that color you can wear that color ?
Yeah , because it again goes back to how we feel , the energy that we want to attract , the energy that we exude . And why are we restricting ourselves ? Who cares ? Nowadays it's like anybody . My teens wear these baggy baggy clothes and I'm like OK , I guess that makes them feel like whatever . So I just bite my tongue .
It makes them feel like one of the crowd , and I think that perhaps and it could be wrong pottery barn and restoration hardware are so successful because it's sort of a cookie cutter . And you know it is a nice product and it looks good and it will probably match .
Yeah , it's not too out there , it's not too ultra modern , it's not too traditional . I think it's right in the middle .
So yeah , well , and it's funny because in life , one of my big what do you say I don't even know how I would call it Mantras is step outside your comfort zone , because that's where the magic lies .
And you might not think that that end table or that whatever it is planned is something that is right , but if you enjoy it , and every time you look at it , it's going to ignite your spark .
Yes , yes , and because it goes beyond feelings . In cognitive behavioral therapy , research has shown that our thoughts influences our feelings , our feelings influences our actions . And what I call positive loop at home is try to create positive loops at home that start with the thought that you intend that you want .
You may not feel it right away , right , but you have to try on that jacket , try on that thought and then , as you get used to that thought , it's going to create feelings because you're like , oh gosh , this feels a lot better to not worry about this and just let it go and feel good about what I do have .
And then , as your feelings are positive , then you're apt to be more confident and more secure to try new things . And then your actions encourage you to think that thought again . So it's a positive loop that I encourage your listeners to really try at home .
And how to help you through that positive loop is through that intention tray I shared with you about the kitchen , or having a dining table that fits everyone so they're comfortable and they can reconnect , or a bathroom , making your bathroom cozier or adding light in .
I know it's a little bit more of an investment , but adding skylights on a second floor bathroom that used to be dark is a game changer . I recently had a client and their house was not small but so dark . So , so , so dark . So we actually ended up in I think we installed 13 or 14 sun tunnels and two skylights .
Because the husband had pretty severe OCD , he had to dust and vacuum the front door once or twice a day , like it was pretty severe and I'd be like , and so we couldn't repaint it because he was so worried about how the next paint was going to attract dust . And I really tried hard to push for that door to be painted .
But at the end of the day I had to honor where he was at with his , his thought process , and so I let you know as a designer I'm like , okay , just let that one go . But they , when the house was done , they just couldn't .
They couldn't describe the happiness they felt now when they woke up in the morning because there was so much natural light flooding in . Now we had like three sun tunnels just down the hallway that flooded in lights from upstairs all the way to the downstairs .
I added two windows downstairs in the family room that didn't exist before and the furniture flow finally made sense . So yeah , it's just being intentional with your home decor , with your home furniture and design , to kind of lift you into that positive loop . That's beautiful .
I read on your website it's that you use the psychology of intention . Yes , I mean , it's true . Intention is the first step to completing anything , or to creating the life that we desire .
Yeah , and it's a journey to get there . So be kind to yourself and it might change and pivot . So it's really I think the key is to staying present , which , again , people talk about all the time but it's not easy to do . It's not easy to do at all , but just trying and showing up .
I had a trainer once who I still hear her voice in my head of like just show up , cause I was like it's so earlier , this or that , excuses , excuses , and she was like just show up , and that's been kind of a mantra of mine too of just showing up .
Yeah , nice , Before we wrap up , you also said something about a holding box . Is that the same thing as an intention box or is that something ? Tell us a little bit about what a holding box is , why every home should have one .
So intention tray was more for , like , your individual domain . As a tool for that , the holding box is fabulous . It's part of the organizational domain . So one thing that , even as a busy mom , I struggle with is you know these big purges where you have four or five large bags of clothing and toys and things giving it away .
You just put on the curb and they go , or you take it to Goodwill or somewhere and there was just no intention to it . And so , as I helped clients organize their homes and closets , I really wanted to teach them the principle of intention . And so for the holding box there's a 48 hour cap , so it's between 24 to 48 hours .
It's items that you are feeling ambivalent about , cause there's items that we know right away we want to give away and those items for sure we want to keep . But what about those in between items ? You're just like hinting and haunting and just like ah , and it stays in your closet forever .
So I even teach my little girls that we identify either organization or person . But it has to be very specific and you can meditate on it . That's really the point of the holding pattern . In therapy we help clients hold their feelings bad , good ugly because a lot of times we want to purge those feelings or we want to hold onto those feelings .
Two sides of the same coin . So really tossers and savers are two sides of the same coin . They both feel ambivalent about their items and they feel paralyzed . So one way to get rid of that ambivalence is to give it away right away .
So I don't have to think about it , or the saver is okay , I'm just going to hold onto it a little another day , another month , another year , and it's two sides of the same coin . So the holding box has the ambivalence physically in a box , so that you're not in that emotional parallel paralysis anymore .
And then but there's a deadline around 48 hours we revisit and we talk about who you want to give this to . So my 14 year old daughter said I want to give these pants to Lauren , who's 12 , because she will fit them . I totally see her in this style and that motivated her to make the decision of giving it up . Because that felt right .
This I'm giving it to someone who will like it , who will wear it . Or I had a client should have red dress . She spent $500 on and only wore it once . She really could not part with it . I said , well , what kind of intention do you think ? If you do want to keep it , what kind of intention would you want ?
She's like , well , actually my husband and I really want to start doing date nights again . Maybe this is going to be my date night dress . I'm like , yes , perfect , now that dress is for her date nights and she's using it .
It's not sitting in her closet like only for special occasions , and it actually helps with her positive loop because it makes her feel great and it makes her want to have another date again the next week . So that is what the holding box is for .
Oh , brilliant , brilliant , brilliant idea . Oh , I am so grateful that you came on , Anita , because you have totally ignited my spark in different ways , in ways in the interior of my home that will reflect the interior of my soul .
I'm so excited to hear that and I hope your listeners got some tidbits as well . It's always so fun to be with everyone in the universe and sharing good things . Sharing good things .
And where can people find you ? Do you work with people virtually or just in person ?
Just in person , it's just . I'm a very tactile person , so it's better for me and . But I am on Instagram . Anita Yocota is my handle . I'm at my own website , anitayocotacom , and my lovely book , home Therapy , is wherever books are sold , so it's Amazon , it's independent bookstores .
Like you said , anthropology is really loving this book , so it's all over the nationwide stores there . Yeah , I'm just super excited .
Well , people can get started by looking at your book and taking some of these hints and tips . And you're in Southern California , I know , in case anybody's listening there and really wants to get in touch with you .
Yes , yes , absolutely . I think the book is a great start for all those .
I give a lot of takeaways because , when I was doing therapy , one thing that I wanted each client to walk out with when you know after a session , is something tangible that they could hold on to or work towards , and so , with my book , I tried to make it very bite-size and digestible ways to um Therapize your Home .
Oh , I love it , thank you . Thank you , anita , for your home and thank you everyone for listening . I do hope that you are inspired now to go to each of your rooms and see what sparks you can ignite in those rooms so that you feel great , set an intention and work towards fulfilling that . Yeah , yeah , thanks everyone and shine on .
Oh , oh , oh , oh , oh . And everything's going your way . Oh , oh , oh , oh , oh . And you wanna make it last forever ? We'll keep it together , cause it keeps getting better . Oh , oh , oh , oh , oh , oh , oh , oh oh .