I Choose...YOU!

You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Garth. Hey, everyone, welcome to I Choose Me. This podcast is all about the choices we make and where they lead us. Guys. This podcast has been such a gift to me in so many ways. I feel like since I've started, I've grown so much, and I've gotten to talk to some really incredible people and share their stories with all of you and hear their choices, and We've formed this really beautiful community and I'm just loving it, and I'm having

I'm fantastic talking to you how are you?

This is so exciting. Let's start with you listen to the podcast obviously.

Yes, I listen to both of your podcasts.

Okay, good, good, And how is this one resonating with you?

I really enjoy the women stuff. I'm a single mom raising a daughter, and I love the women empowerment and I love hearing that from other women. So that's always like, when I heard you're doing a podcast like that, I got very excited. And I've been listening to you pretty much every week, so yeah, but I just like the women empowerment stuff that you've been doing, just making it okay that we're doing things that in the nineties people would like shy away at us and be like, you

So that's what I really like about your podcast.

Right, So, you're a single mom raising your daughter, and am I correct in the fact that you lost your husband in twenty twenty three?

That's correct?

Yes, First of all, I'm so sorry for your loss.

Thank you.

I mean, words do nothing for that kind of.

Pain, right, No, but I appreciate it when we need.

To acknowledge that you are still grieving, like you're in the thick of it right now. I'm sure, and I think it's something that it's important that you remind yourself that and allow yourself that grace to go through that all the stages of it, and you don't there's no time limit on it. Other people can do it their way. You have to do it your way. You just need to give cut yourself some slack and remember.

That thank you, because it's it's not people assume after a certain time, it's just like back to normal routine.

It's not that easy. How did you lose your husband by suicide?

Oh, dear, so tragic?

Yeah it was.

It was, yes, very unexpected, no signs of anything, just some business issues with COVID and getting out of and overcoming the business issues with COVID as it was ending.

And I went to work one day and I couldn't. I was texting him and calling him and he wasn't answering.

And then I went home and the cops came and they let you know so, but I made my I knew the cops were on their way over, so my mom took my daughter out of the house.

She was only three.

I didn't want her to be there for any of that, so it was just me alone when they told me.

So that was that was really terrible.

Yeh, want to give you a hug.

I appreciate that they when they came over.

I didn't think they were telling me that. I thought they were all coming because I filed the missing persons. I didn't know that they were going to say that. So I just didn't want my daughter to see like two police officers and get scared.

And she's young and whatnot.

So yeah, I wasn't expecting that news, which was why I told my mom to leave. So yeah, so it'll be two years on February.

Oh my goodness. Well, I'm sending you so much strength and just knowing that there are people out there that believe in you that you can get through this and you can do this and you can overcome this. I'm one of those people. So I'm here with you.

I have a very good I'm very fortunate. I have a very good village.

That's important.

Yeah, it's I couldn't do without it.

Yeah, you asked a question about how do I make time for myself and still be a present mom. Was that your question?

Yes, because being a parent and having time for your own sanity is not an easy thing. And sometimes they're just really they're really present and you just need a break. And it's not in a month from now when I can finally get like a babysitter and get time off. It's like, right in that moment, you need to break. So that's kind of where I was like asking what you did.

In that moment when you're like at the verge here?

Yes enough to.

Hear yes, because they're like, there is no like I'm going to leave the house because I can't because I'm by myself.

So what do you do?

Because it's sometimes you know, when they're any age, they really can find a way under your skin.

Oh yeah, I see your daughter's five now, right.

My daughters she's in kindergarten.

Yes, oh well, at least you have kindergarten and at least at least she goes to school for I don't know if she's half day full day yet, but thank god for kindergarten full day. O. Get good. Yeah, I you know, in those I can relate because there have been times when I know when my kids were little and I was raising the three little girls basically on my own because their dad would be away a lot of the time filming. He would be working out of town,

I was gonna say I've done that before.

She she'll follow and I'll be like, I just need you not to follow right now, and then she'd but you're upset, and then she keeps it going and then she gets more upset. So but yes, I the deep breathing is definitely something that is always helpful when I actually remember to do it, because, as we all know, in the heat, we're all like just flabbergasted, right, But yeah, I'm definitely walking away.

Is definitely always a if you can.

I always thought like when someone would give me that advice take a deep breath, I'd be like, Okay, that's really gonna help, and Obviously I'm not gonna remember to do that in the moment, like you just said. But the fact of the matter is, the more you use it, the more it becomes like something that is right there

I've never done that.

It's actually, yeah, that sounds like a really good idea. I've never done that. I never told her just to give me space for a minute. I usually just say like it's more of a yell and as opposed to saying it like the way you just said.

It, just like calmly, try to explain it and see how that goes. Like maybe maybe it works, maybe it doesn't. But I know also too for me in my moments of when my girls were little and I was dealing with so much and feeling frustrated at the same time. In the moment, my emotions are my feelings, I might project them onto my kids or whatever I'm dealing with in that moment exacerbates just the littlest thing. Like my

Course, anything to avoid the freak out. In the morning before school.

Oh yeah, yeah, but I think I had to remember to not project my stuff onto the kids, and that's really really hard to do, especially when you're doing it alone in.

The morning when you're getting ready for school and work. They're like, you know, at a snail's pace, and when you're trying to get them to go a little faster, then that's like my daughter this morning actually was like, my sock's on and right, it feels funny. I'm like, just move it, and she was like, no, it still feels funny. I'm like, okay, come help you with the suck and she's like, no, you didn't do it right.

I'm like, okay, so can you try. I'm going back and forth about her sock, ironically enough, like two or three minutes, and then finally.

I must have moved it just a rend inch and she's like, okay, my sock's son.

Good now.

I'm like, okay, great, let's go. But it was like this the most random I was. I didn't do anything different, like.

Yeah, they have no idea what they're doing to our nervous system. In those moments, I can so relate. My daughter Fiona was the same way, and I would have to do some major deep breathing with her just to get through those moments and not lose it. And sometimes I just actually walked away. I had to walk away. If it was about something as trivial as a zock not being on right, I would say, you know what, I'll be in the car when you figure it out. You can join me, or I'll be in the other room.

No, one hundred percent.

And you know, I really think that just you remembering to take care of yourself and have some alone time and self care in place is really helps you to show up effectively and be your best mom in every moment and specifically those moments.

Yeah, I'm a big TV person. That's like my most relaxing thing to do. And my husband used to say to my daughter, if she's watching nine O two and oh, you can't talk to her, even though she's seen them seven thousand times.

And so my daughter now says, do you still watch nine O two and oh?

I'm like, I can't believe you remember Daddy making those nine two and oh jokes at me because I've seen every episode twelve thousand times. And so now like I will put on NINEO two and O sometimes, and sometimes I'll put on like other shows, and I'm like, have all my series and I'm watching. When I tell her, like, just go in your room and play, and I can, like watch TV for even twenty minutes alone for some reason calms me and like brings me back to normal

I mean that's the beauty of TV. I think the way it helps some people just sort of escape whatever's going on in their world and just really focus in on what they're watching and their characters that they love so much. And that's great. That you've pinpointed it that that's your thing, oh.

One hundred percent, like all the like anytime, yes, and if it's you know, like I have like got my go tos and then I have like the stuff. I haven't actually watched it because I actually read something where they said like if you get anxious about something, there's very it's something very comforting about watching a show you've seen twelve thousand times, so like Friends or a Big Bang Theory.

You know, yeah, oh yeah, one hundred percent.

So it's always like an interesting it's always interesting just to be like it's still entertaining me, but I know exactly what's gonna happen.

It's like comfort food, you know, like sometimes you just need to give it to yourself. But I just think, you know, like little things like just start with when you're at home and you know you're in those moments, give yourself five minutes of reprieve. You know, even five minutes can help set reset your nervous system and just get you back to a base where you can show up and be there as an effective and authentic, loving

And yeah, I have my mom, sisters, a lot of unbelievably close friends that are really somewhat far away, but there's still very very supportive and very helpful, and it keeps me sane.

Yeah, being able to reach out to them when you just need a little break, when you need some advice or need somebody to just cheer you on or pick you up. It's so important. So you're doing great, thank you. Yeah, I think you're doing great. And then, you know what, every day is a new day. Even if you suck at being great one day, or if you if you're not your best, you don't show up your best. You know one day it's okay, give yourself a break and know that in the morning it's a new opportunity to

Yeah, No, you're absolutely right.

I love that. Well, thank you very listening to the podcast and find support in me, I hope, or watch the old show. Whatever I do, I do, can do I do.

I work forty five minutes away from my daughter Grose to school, so on my car rides there to and from I put on that's like my podcast time, which is also extremely helpful. It's like a television, so it's just like just me and my podcast. I have like my whole eye, like an order. I watch them in every week.

It's a whole thing.

Okay, good, I'm so glad to be on your your roster.

You're you're on my roster twice.

He is so nice talking to you. I want to ask you a question. What was your last I choose me.

Moment finding time to do your podcast.

To come talk to me.

Yeah.

I was so excited, like, no matter what's happening, I'm going to do Jenny Garth's podcast.

This is the coolest thing ever.

And you're right now.

Besides that, I'm at work.

Yes, my boss knew. I'm actually in her office. She was like, oh my god, that's so cool. So yes, like I was like, not messing around with doing your podcast.

We'll tell your boss, I said, thank you.

I'm sure she'll listen.

Thank you for listening, and thank you for for course seeing you.

Thank you and thank you for everything you're doing. I see you all the stuff you're doing, the women's lunches you're having, and I choose me. It's really, really, really helpful to all women just to hear it all the way around, because you are not Your platform is much different than let's say mine.

What really is a great thing the way you're're sing and I really appreciate it.

I'm so glad. Thank you. That means so much to me.

Have a great day you too, Rendy.

Hi, Hi, how are you.

I'm good. It's so nice to meet you.

You too.

It looks like you're at your place of work. I am, Yes, it's in the middle of the workday. Thank you so much for taking time out to talk to me. What's your question?

Okay?

So I listened to your podcast on Jenny's Journals and you talked about incident with your daughter. She was upset, calling you narsis, and so you talked about being able to just let your kids fill their emotions and vent without taking it personally.

I want to know how you do that.

Oof. It's hard because we are moms. We give them everything we have and then they just trample on it, scrunch it up and throw it back at us like a bod Sometimes, you know, we live for those moments when we get the snuggles and I love yous and the thank yous, yeah, but we can't control how often

Thank you.

Another thing that I always said to my girls. This is another little thing that I did when they were in their deepest, darkest moments of despair or their biggest feelings, you know, like I would just sit and listen and not interrupt and just continue to listen even when there was silence. I wouldn't say anything. I would just sit there until they keep talking, and then when it was all out, I would say, you know what, I really wish I had a magic wand that I could wave

Right.

Yeah, great view point, Thank you.

I appreciate that, But go cry. I mean sometimes it hurts. They hurt your feelings, their soul crushers, they suck it out of you, like all the things. Being a mom is so hard on top of being a human, you know, and you're just figuring it out just like they are. We're all figuring our lives out as we go. And oftentimes I'll say to my kids, like I done, I've never done this before. I've never been right here in

I appreciate that.

Yeah, you got it. I hope that helps.

Thank you.

I appreciate it really.

Thank you for being on.

Yeah, most definitely thank you for allowing me this opportunity.

But wait, wait, wait, I have to ask you. Oh yeah, Brindy, what was your last I choose me moment?

So, as a mom of five and a full time employee, my choose me moment was going back to school full time on top of all that fun stuff. So yes, I will be starting on Chico State next next semester January, start my bachelor's and social work.

Amazing. How do you find time? Wow?

I really don't. I just figure it out, just do it.

You're right, Yeah, I love that. You know what, You're not afraid. That's what it takes to succeed, you know in life, is to find out what you want to do and do it and don't let all the little, you know, obstacles keep you from doing it. Amazing. You're such a great role model for your kids. Thank you, Thank you, You're welcome. I love you. Have a great day, all right, thanks bye?

Hello?

How are you, Patricia?

I'm good? How are you.

I'm so good. You're calling in from Redlands, California.

I am, but I'm actually caretaking for my sister who's having spinal surgery right now. So I'm actually in Arizona. But okay, that's where I do reside as in Redlands.

Okay, Well, that's a you're a very good sister, first of all, very.

Nice with the territory of being an RN. You know, I'm happy to do it.

Oh, that would be nice to have a sister that's an r N. I see that. I see that. What's your question?

Yeah, thank you so much. So I was asking is how is a woman? Have you been able to temper between being vulnerable and strong? What things would you say? Can you pull out of your tool belt that you know, keep you grounded, give you joy?

Well, I think that in order to even have access to tools in your tool belt, or you know, even the capacity to be able to be strong and or vulnerable, you need to start by practicing self care. You know,

You know.

Yeah, authenticity for sure.

Absolutely, when you are who you are, people can see it and smell it and feel it a mile away.

Yeah, And I've I've learned when you talk people up, not being phony or fake, but when you can genuinely celebrate with somebody else's when and not find any joy in cutting people down. It just I don't know, there's just there's just something good about being able to talk someone up or to compliment somebody, finding something in them, the good of.

Someone you know, Yeah, I love that I love that. I remember that point in my life as I, you know, grew up. I don't even know how old I was, but I decided I don't want to go about people anymore. I don't want to talk badly about anyone anymore because it doesn't feel good, and I'm sure it wouldn't feel good to them.

Yeah, and really you're reciprocating that joy of giving something.

Nice, you know, treating people the way you would want to be treated.

Mm hmm.

Yeah, I love that. I think that comes down to just being an active listener too. I think listening to other people is a great place to focus, you know, a lot of your energy, because that's like the foundation of being able to give of yourself to others is to fully understand where they're coming from or what they're feeling in any given moment.

Yeah, the gift of active listening, it really you can pick up a lot in that without even saying a word. And being still and being present is a verb, it's it's in action, and you can very much engage with eye contact and leaning in and a touch without a word. Sometimes that has more effect.

M h.

I mean, you know all the tricks already being an rn. It sounds like you are used to comforting people, comforting others, taking care of other people. Are you able to turn that in on yourself?

Very much? I've been able to, you know, even caretaking for my sister now, you know, it's it's been a discipline to still I'm getting out and doing the walk in the morning before she wakes.

I love that.

Yeah, getting that sunshine with my doggie. You know, I don't have to be strong all the time for her without me being like, without me reciprocating something. You know, I have to fill my tank. So you know, it's

So you know, I am happy to be something that fills your cup. It sounds that you are doing all the right things in life because you have a feeling. I get this just general feeling of peace and love from you, and confidence, like an inner quiet, beautiful confidence and not boastful, like I just feel like you're the real deal. So I think we can all learn a lot from you.

It's life is fragile, and people are fragile. I've really learned that. And and I want to do some medical missionary work next year. And so you do have to be authentic, but you always have to feel your tank and you can't give without you having the abundance in your heart, you know, you having the joy. It's I don't do well being phony or fake, and and I

Yeah, your work there is done. I love that you feel so grateful too, Like I feel like a lot of foundation for you, taking care of you is being grateful for like you said, that hot cup of tea or that longer shower.

You know, I just took a picture on the side and I'm doing a grateful you know, every day on my you know, Instagram.

And Facebook and so love, love, love.

My Instagram post tomorrow is going to be like a grateful day number twenty one of being on I made the list, you know. Amazing those little things, you know, they matter, They.

Matter, I think just like you know, having conversations with like minded people, people that have the same priorities as you do, I think that's real. That also can be a form of self care. So I'm so happy to be.

Align myself with I've I've learned in my fifties. Now do you aligning yourself with people that run the same race as you do? You know, with joy and passion and motivation, and you know, being being health minded. You know, if not faster, you know, but yeah, and also people that are willing to come alongside you and and maybe slow down in order to pick up the pace with them. You know. No, a good leader is good without them knowing how to be a mm hmm part of the group.

So I think that you touched on two really important things. One is surrounding yourself with like minded people, but also somebody that's even better than you. Like, like my best friend Adele is the best person I know, and I try to be like more like adel Like on a daily basis, I think to myself, what would Adele do

That you know sometimes I just I just touched upon this the other day about you know, looking at the fall behind me. There's sometimes different seasons for certain people, and we don't realize when sometimes those friendships like they've overstayed their visit and whether you have grown beyond that friendship, whether you know, you're two people are in different places in life and it's almost like you want to stay

Absolutely. I Mean, it's really hard to let go of friendships because you know, friendships take a lot of nurturing, a lot of energy and oftentimes a lot of time, you know, years, time spent, and it's really really hard to let things go. And yeah, I've had to do that in my life a number of times, and just go ahead and go through the grieving process with that too, because when you do decide that a friendship has reached,

Boy, bring princess grace. That's a tough one.

Oh yeah, that's all we need though it's a little great.

Yes, if we've received it, we definitely should share it with ourselves and others.

I have to ask you, Patricia, before I let you go, what was your last I Choose me moment?

The last I choose me moment was, Yeah, reacheen out to someone who has been wanting to speak with me, and so I decided that I'm going to be open to choosing love.

Oh my god, I'm so excited right now. I can I'm so. I can tell the way you're talking that this is uncharted territory and you're feeling a little vulnerable, and I love it for you.

Yeah, it's it's definitely you know, these are different times, and yeah, so being able to be use wisdom with that without letting your heart get who carried away. And but I but I also don't want to be living in hesitation. And I do want I do want to share love as well as receive it, you know, because that's what we're made for a partnership. And so yeah.

I'm so excited. This sounds like a whole new chapter for you that you're just kind of cracking open the pages too. And it starts with that, with being open. That's that's all you gotta do for right now, is just be open.

Yes.

One thing I always would when I would start to get involved or like my mind would get ahead of reality or my heart would get ahead of reality, I would just remind myself we'll see, we'll see how a therapist tell me to just keep that in mind. Like when you think about that person, just think, oh, we'll see never know.

Yeah, you know, it's it's it's uh, it's it is. It's uncharted territory, but it's it's good. It's all good, and and I'm I'm looking forward.

And this person is extremely lucky. You're an amazing human. It's awesome. Thank you for sharing yourself.

With us likewise likewise, and thank you for sharing your gift of just you know you you've taken just such so many different levels of who you are in life, and and just this platform is really a great way for people to see who you are. But but you're

Oh you got to keep on trucking. That's what I say. Thank you for Trisia, Good luck on your new adventure.

Thank you, take care.

Why Hi, Sarah, how are you?

I'm good? Thank you?

How are you?

I'm great? I'm better now to be talking to you. This is so much fun.

Yeah, this is exciting getting to see.

The people that listen to the pod and yeah, absolutely good. What's your question? What do you want to talk about?

Yeah, so my question was really around your decision to make your hair perplacement surgery public. So what was that tipping point for you on how much to keep private? And when is it an appropriate time to share? And when is that value in sharing?

Yeah?

I held on to that secret for a while because I had to think it through, I had to really be yeah sure that I wanted to share something so deeply personal. I think the tipping point for me is always I just have to go back to being myself

Yeah, yeah, you know, and I appreciate it so much

So that was really.

I think definitely, like especially women in business, women in leadership, we think we have to be perfect, We think we have to be perfect, we have to be up these unrealistic standards that everybody needs to look up to. But I find more often than not, when I'm authentic and when I am my true self flaws and all the people that work for me and with me and around me feel that more of an authentic connection and then are somehow invested more in whatever the work is that we're doing together.

Yeah.

So it makes them connect on even a deeper level when they know who they're working with and for you know, they develop a different kind of passion. But I can totally relate and hear you and think there have been a lot of times in my life where if I have an employee, people say, don't get too close to your employee, don't be friends with them. You're the boss. Remember that. I know I'm the boss, like I'm you know, I don't need to be reminded. I don't need them

Right right, No, I appreciate it. I think that's that's really valuable input and insight to have. Yeah, So thank you, You're so welcome.

Sierra. What was aast I choose me moment?

I don't have enough.

I choose me moments, that's right.

That a lot, It's okay.

Yeah, yeah, So you know, working mom to teenagers, life is busy. So I've been trying to just do simple things like on the weekend, get a manicure, even if it makes me late for a basketball game or so, I'm just kind of focused on the little things. I think one of the things I said to myself is I'm going to take more intentional time in the morning to be kind to myself. Because we have to be perfect, we have to be super mom, we have to be you know, the best employee ever and all the things,

But me too, like let me get through this and then I'll get through that, and then I'll get through that yep, yep.

And I just I don't know, a little bit more manageable.

Yeah, Like that's kind of like compartmentalizing our like our to dos, you know, but you're right, we need to start with that foundation of like self care and self love in order to be able to handle all those things right, right.

And then I think it's also important as a parent to be modeling that right, to show my kids that I care about myself and I take care of myself and I matter, and that I you know, I won't run myself into the ground because I don't want them to so.

And and you want to be there for them. And if you run yourself into the ground, who's going to be the mom?

Right?

Right?

Yeah, I think there's so much more writing on the importance of self care and self love than we ever thought before. And I'm so happy that it's like coming to the forefront of people's minds finally. Yeah. Yeah, I think reach the point. Yeah, we've reached the point where we acknowledge like, oh my god, this is unsustainable. Like what this life that I'm trying to fool people, this Instagram life that I'm trying to show everybody is so unrealistic and it's wearing me thin.

Yeah.

Yeah, well, and I think people see, you know, even I would do funny things with the back to school pictures, right, I would post two side by side, the one for insta, which is like the kids standing there smiling, looking a little happy, and then the one that was the first one on the reel where they're like pulling at each

It's not, no, it's awful. Its just that thing that makes us compare our lives to other people, like take over. Yeah, it's like a disease almost in your brain. It just consumes you when you start scrolling.

Yeah, I love it.

So starting with the little things is the perfect way to like enter into that world of choosing yourself and feeling comfortable choosing yourself. Yeah, because you can feel a little uncomfy sometimes, for sure. I'm so happy that you're doing that and for your parents. You're doing great, Sarah, keep it up. I love it, Thank you, appreciate it.

You Vet.

Hi, Melissa, Hi, how are you good?

How are you?

I'm so happy to talk to you.

I'm so happy to talk to you.

Okay, So you're forty nine. You're from Marion, Iowa, Iowa. Yes, and I love it Yes, Midwestern Okay.

And western absolutely. And I am the baby of the family like you. So yep, very similar, very similar.

Yes cool, that's so cool.

What is your question?

What do you want to talk about?

Oh?

Lots, but we'll just start with one. I just wanted to know, like I really started.

Obviously, I've followed you since I've been fifteen, so watching in Beverly Hills nine two want to know? So I just I just have started following you, and I choose me podcasts and everything that you've talked about has been such an inspiration. And I turned forty nine, and really, Jenny, I woke up and I was like, who am I as a person?

Right?

Like how like like I.

Hit that early.

I know you talked about it like you know, hitting closer to fifty And I was like, I'm forty nine and you know I am going through I had a couple relationship changes in my life and I was looking at who am I?

Like where do I want to be?

And so I just kind of wanted to like pick your brain and have the opportunity to talk to you about like how do you You've reinvented yourself so many times in your life and such an inspiration and you've truly stayed true to who you are as a person, and I love that, and I just want to know, like, how how have you done that? And how have you been so successful in everything that you've done?

Oh, that's good questions, good questions as it's tricky.

It is.

Life is a roller coaster. They are ups and they're downs, and we all go through it, you know. I think for me, acknowledging that there are ups and downs is really comforting because I never try to hold myself up to some unrealistic every day is a perfect sunny day, you know.

Yeah.

Yeah, Like I allow myself to have my moments that I need to just sort of recoil and maybe hide and lick my wounds and you know, heel myself before I peek back out into the world. I mean, reinventing yourself is it doesn't mean a racing or discarding your past or who you truly are. It's it's taking the core of who you are and breathing fresh life into it, you know. So for me that just means that looks

Yeah?

What are my morals? Like on a core level? What am I? What do I stand for in life? What do I want to be remembered? How do I want to be remembered by the people that truly know me and love me? Yeah?

Yeah, how do you like make sure that you practice grace and you give yourself grace and choose kindness even in those moments of weakness that I just feel like, Yeah, it's just so yeah, like you're such an inspiration in that level of everything that you've even been vulnerable and shared about your opportunities and things that have happened, And I'm so blessed. I work hard, like I said, I have those Midwestern values, but you know sometimes it's just like, yeah, it's hard.

It's hard. There's no one to answer you a question.

Do you feel like you're failing somehow when you have these moments of like who am I? And what am I doing? And what do I want?

Yeah?

Yeah, Like I just feel like I'm so hard on myself about like I've been, I like said, I've worked very hard my whole entire life. I have an amazing career. I'm really really happy. I just am like empty nesting, you know, the kids are gone. It's like one of those things of like now you're like, Okay, you know who am I? Who's my husband? What does this look like? And you know that next chapter of like.

All of those things that are just so amazing.

And I just think that I'm just struggling with like how do I stay true to who I am as a person and then make sure that I'm taking care of those around me still?

And it's just yeah, so it's just it's such a yeah.

I think it's like that forty nine age where I'm just like, I don't know, it just seems so weird. Like I didn't bother me when I hit thirty, didn't bother me when I hit forty.

And all of a sudden, forty that's differently.

Older.

You get everything hits differently, And that's the beauty of it all is because there's so much evolution that happens in your late forties, in your fifties, your early fifties, your mid fifties or late fifties, Like it is the most enormous growth period, I think in our lives because we're here for we're watching it, we understand it, like we can appreciate all that's happening. But I think for me, when I was at that stage, I had to really create a vision for what I wanted in my future.

Like that in a nest exactly exactly.

But it's not an empty nest. It's the most full nest you've ever had because you have all these tools now and all this confidence in yourself that you know you can get whatever you want life. You just have to really define it.

Yeah.

Yeah, And that takes time, that takes patience, that takes you know, being realistic and just really defining it I think is really really important. And then reminding yourself of it every day does what I'm focusing on. It does where I'm putting my energy meet up with what it

Exactly? Yeah, no, and before.

You know what, you'll get there and then you'll be asking yourself the same.

Question, what can I do next? What can I do next?

It is like you always want to reinvent yourself and think bigger and challenge yourself and grow, like you never want to be stagnant regardless of whatever it is. Right, choose kind, choose grace and all of those things. And I feel like I give that more to people than I give it to myself. And it's like it's it is so it's yeah, yeah, but you're right, like, just see that vision I have in my future. I know who I am as a person. I will always stay

So much from ourselves, yes, when actually we just there's nothing to expect, Like we just wake up and be nice and be positive and listen to others and put other people's feelings first, and everything else will fall into place.

Absolutely, No, it makes sense. It makes sense, and it's just it is. It's just like, so thank you for being such an inspiration. And I love to listen to your podcasts and every version and.

I love how raw and vulnerable you are and just.

Yeah, you're an amazing, amazing you know, just someone to look up to and admire.

So yeah, and you've been there too.

You're doing it too. You know, you're setting such a beautiful example for your friends, your family, your kids, what you know, anybody that's watching you. Let me ask you this, do you ever look in the mirror and say I love you?

No, I haven't in a long time.

Oh that was huge for me, Like that's something sounds so corny and silly and also so like why would I do that? Yeah, but if you stop, if you see your reflection in the mirror, and you stop, and you can give yourself a moment five seconds and look into your own eyes and say I love you.

Makes sense.

There's like this connection that you get with yourself and this acceptance that you get for yourself no matter what. And sometimes you can look in the mirror and say, oh my god, you're such an asshole. Just you were just such an asshole. But you know what, I still love you. Oh my god, you really messed up just two minutes ago out there in the kitchen when you screamed at him. But I still love you. And everything's gonna be okay.

That is so perfect.

That is everything, absolutely, And I think that's where somewhere along the way I lost myself and I don't know, and I like, I don't know what that looks like, and I don't know if I love myself anymore. So then I feel like, you know, when you just sometimes you feel nun like you're just going through the motions and you're just kind of here, and it's like I can't I don't love myself enough to love someone else and I can't give because I can't receive and I

And it like said, and I woke up and I'm like, I'm forty nine.

I'm like and all of a sudden, I'm like, I want accomplish this and I want to do this and I want to do and I'm like and I'm like, what am I doing? Like why all of a sudden am I feeling this pressure and like needing to be this person? And it just yeah, and I think I was I'm like.

I'm chubby, and I'm like with my clothes fit all of those things.

Like I said, we're so hard. Yeah, yeah, and it's it's so hard. It's so hard.

But yeah, I want you to do that, Okay. I want you to start practicing that every day every day. If it's the first thing in the morning, last thing at night, if you do it multiple times a day, great, live yourself in the mirror and say I love you, and you can it can be as quick is that, or you can stay with yourself as long as you feel like you need to and it's gonna feel weird, it's going to feel uncomfortable. You're going to want to look away, you're not going to want to do it.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, it's so true, right, like to see that person and yeah, and to love myself back.

Yeah, and that's really what I need.

Yeah, I love you, Oh my god, I love you. You're doing so good.

I love you too. Like I'm serious. If you're ever in Iowa, give me a call.

Let's tell you.

If you come home to Illinois. I don't know how nice.

Sister will not give up her time with me. I'm pretty sure.

About that fair.

Well, let's wait, wait, what was your last I choose me moment?

I am working on that a work in progress. Okay about we maybe check.

Back in in six months and see what that when I'm a closer to it it can be.

You have to start small. You have to start with little things like you know what, I'm going to choose to put on some lipstick today because it makes me feel better. Or I'm going to choose to go to bed a little bit early today and give myself a little extra sleep. I'm going to you know, it's little things. And every time you do something little for yourself, acknowledge it. Say hey, look look at me. I'm choosing myself right now. And it feels good.

Absolutely, And I feel like if you do choose yourself, then that puts yourself and you choose you, and that makes everyone else better because then it just as a natural progression that it comes after, right, and then you can be there for the ones that you love. But if you don't take care of yourself, then you can't be there for the ones that you love.

It's very true words of wisdom. Thank you, no, thank you, thank you.

I appreciate it.

This has been awesome, such an amazing experience, and I can't thank you enough. And I look forward to continue watching you foster and grow and yes do all the amazing things that you're.

Doing you too. Yeah, thank you, thank you, take care, have a great day.

Yes you too, Thank you.

Bye bye.

Hi Marcia, Hi, how are you? I'm so good. So nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you too.

Thank you for listening to the pod. Yeah, tell me what do you want to talk about today? How can I help you?

I was just wondering, you know, because my mom has Alzheimer's and I'm her caregiver.

How I could make Ie me moments for myself.

That's a very You are in a in quite a position, you know, giving so much to someone who needs so much. I can relate. I have, you know, taken care of my parents at different points in my life too, and it's a lot. Yeah, it's really challenging. You have to have so much patience and so much peace inside of you in order to be able to take some care of somebody like that on that level. Yeah, I think you need to need to start, I know, because it probably takes up a lot of your day, a lot

Right.

If you're getting make sure you're getting enough sleep, Like look at your schedule and decide, like how many hours am I sleeping a night? Right, and ask yourself, is do I feel refreshed when I wake up? If not, maybe I'm not getting enough sleep. Maybe I'm getting too much sleep. You really need to sort of look at it and define how much sleep you personally need. For me, I have to have six hours of sleep. If I get more than eight hours, it's like a reverse effect.

So usually during the day, because I have two computers, so I have one down here and then one in my room, and so I usually like game a lot during.

The days and stuff.

And then like we just recently had to have my brother in law bring her bed downstairs to put in the back room because I didn't want her to do the steps anymore because she was starting to fall a lot, and I was like worried about her falling down the steps, and I was worried about how that was going to go, because my routine with her would be to take her up, put her in bed, and then just go in my

Will you get help with others?

Yeah, it's it's me and my sister, with the help of our our aunts, my mom's sisters. But it's mostly me and my sister because my dad passed away twelve years ago, so it's only my sister and I.

So my sister's yeah, so my.

Sister does on your shoulders, the.

Grocery running and stuff like that for me.

Okay, Well, that's really important that you have. I'm so happy for you that you have a sister, that you have those aunts that you can if you need a break, you gotta take it. Yeah, you know, and you know I know that you love gaming and that's super. That's great. But what you know, what does like going outside for you? Does that feel good at all? Like when you go out in nature when you.

Like yeah time, yeah, I when it's what I can I uh, I'll take my sister's kids and we'll go outside and play or some clinical for a walk.

It's getting colder here now, so that's harder to do.

You're in Pennsylvania.

Yeah, so and we're getting a snowstorm this like tonight.

So I was just.

There, Martin, I was just there. Yeah, and it was beautiful weather.

I know.

It's bipolar. I mean you.

It's just about carving out those little moments and then remembering that that's not selfish. That is vital to your health and you being able to take care of your mom.

Right, Yeah, I have a my sister and I are going to Seattle to see my best friend Monday's like in like two weeks.

And she actually knew your daughter, by the way, my best.

Friend it oh cool.

Yeah, so yeah, we're going to do that and then my aunts are going to keep her keep my mom. And then we just went to the Heiress tour on Friday. Hey, so my we went with her one sister and then the other sister kept my mom, so we all three went and had fun.

Amazing. How much fun did you have at that show?

It was so much fun.

It was so much fun. Oh it was like I'm a girl and I'm free. Yeah, so much fun.

So good.

I feel like you're taking pretty good care of yourself. I feel like you have a good grasp on doing little things here and there for yourself and trying to keep your balance right. Yeah, you just need to make you know, make it a priority and make sure every day that you're checking off that box of taking care of yourself.

Right.

I'm proud of you.

I think you Thank you, thank you.

Okay, So, aside from going to the Aras tour, aside from going to visit your best friend, what do you think, even if it's something little, what would you say your last I choose me moment.

Was probably going over and visiting my cousin, just being by myself because she has a daughter that's my niece's age. So my niece likes to come with me when I go, but I left her here, so I went and just on out on my cousin for a little bit.

You have, I would say that was probably it.

Yeah, I love it. That's good. I'm proud of you. You're doing great.

Thank you.

And you're an amazing person for taking care of your mom.

Thank you.

Yeah, it's rough, I know, I know it's hard. I know it's hard. I know, but that's what we do. We do hard things sometimes.

Yeah, for sure.

Well I'm with you. I'm here supporting you from AFAR.

Thank you.

Okay, that was so great getting to connect with and talk with some of you listeners. Seriously cannot say enough about how much you guys mean to me and I love hearing from you. It really touches me and it makes me feel really good and connected, and that's what it's all about. And I hope to see you come out to my I Choose Me Live event we're having on Saturday, January eleventh. If you are able to, I