Have You Got Game?

Hey, everybody, welcome to I Do Part two. If you got love right the first time around, this is not the podcast for you. We are here for the folks who didn't get it right the first time. And maybe you're on your second, go around, third, go around, fourth, whatever it may be. But this is the place and we are trying to help you find love again and maybe again. And I'm here and I can't and ladies, I have to say it, Jonna Kramer and Jenny Garth,

That's the plan.

That is the plan. Y very excited. This is so funny.

It was fun to be in the room though, because a lot of times it's over zoom all these podcasts that we do, so it's nice to actually give hugs and the whole thing.

We are here now, we haven't We're not the only one of the four of us here are sitting at Mike's and the fourth person is the only one who showed up dressed with the occasion. H he's one of our celebrity.

She's a model. You know, she's always showing like ready to go.

I would do.

Nothing less, truly, nothing less.

But she's been one of our celebrity mentors. How has this experience been for you? You we chatted with you in New York not too long ago for an episode and that was a blast. But since then, how have things been going?

It's been so incredible, Like this podcast couple with therapy has been so unbelievably therapeutic, and I've changed so much as a human. I just I think that my solo was just so it was you know, I was I deep into something that I probably wouldn't have thought about or even had the courage to talk about, and manifesting the man of my dreams, which was so great, and writing a love letter to him.

Which was like, oh my god, I'm getting emotional.

It's been very very cathartic for me, and just it's also just nice to be around a community where people like understand like what I'm talking about and what I'm going through that makes it even better for me.

So I've just been like, it's like a big hug.

Can I just ask a question because I just have to Has anyone slid into your DMS?

Yes, yes, I've met a lot of really nice.

No, I mean like nice men.

Okay, yeah, so like good people.

It's like not like a sliding.

In anybody of interest.

Yeah.

Yes, I've met like two really nice guys who were great. One is younger, one is like around my age, and they've just been really That's also been something else that's been different is that the way that I'm approaching dating is so different than before. Before I would just be like just you know, oh okay, he likes me, Okay, all datum. But also I have two young kids and a single parent. Like so like dating for me was always a little bit like how am I going to

Joy see more relaxed.

You take how do you are you beginning? Are you trying to decide between the two?

Now, I'm not really trying to decide. I'm just open to.

Okay, it's more intentional, much more intentional.

It's great, and.

Tonight is going to be very intentional. We are out together because of the iHeart jingle Ball place and part of this, we have two two folks we've been helped helping guide along on this podcast that reached out to us, and they're going to be out here. You're going to actually coach, teach, help Then tonight as they.

Go out, Wait, wait, what is she helping them with?

She's going to help them flirt?

Okay?

Done?

Really now you seemed confident. Are you a good flirt? Whoa?

No pause, no pause.

Zero pause, Like just yes, what makes you?

I was like, what makes you?

Yeah?

Just because I don't really flirt.

I'm just kind of chatty, lots of smiles, very engaging. I asked a lot of questions, how are you a great compliments?

Yeah?

Yeah, yeah, okay, see I feel like I see I'm good.

I'm I'm a bad I think I'm a bad flirter when I'm actually wanting to flirt with someone, and I think I'm better for other people. So that's why I'm excited to I like to help other people flirt when it comes to me. Actually, Like I remember seeing this one guy at a bar a couple years ago, and my girlfriend's like, go talk to him. I was like, absolutely not, I will not, I will.

And she's like no, let's go come on.

I'm like, I'm like, Sarah, please stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, Sarah please. I ran down the stairs. I was like, it was so uncomfortable, Like if he wants to talk to me, he can come talk me. I just I was so uncomfortable, couldn't do it.

Oh, how that story end?

She ran downstairs and my friend Sarah, my friend Sarah went to go talk to him, and she's like he had a girlfriend, and now was it was a story.

End of story.

Sorry, But I just think I'm a better wing woman than ever for myself.

So this is that's why I'm going to be good with that too, because I'm like that as well. I'm good at like helping her friend.

You were you a good back in the day.

Oh I had some game, did you. Yes, I'm going to tell you about him. But this episode is going to be all about who has the game. We want to hear about your game.

Yes, what you said, you were both of you all very confidently said you have game. And this is what this is about this particular episode. What is it for you that you just said, Yep, I knew how to blurt. I had game.

I just I'm confident in you know, I know how to work it if I want off. I'm the kind of person if I want something, I go get it. And there's a lot out there that I don't want. So when I do find something that I'm interested in, lookout.

Yeah.

What do you all say to women? Because there's so much advice out there that's telling women you have to do this or try this technique, and it almost seems like you need to be something maybe even you're not, or try to manipulate a situation in some way. That's the way the advice often comes. Do some people need that type of advice and structure and technique and all these things. Do you need that?

I think I think it's I think a little advice, But I also think that it's kind of like when some it's like some people tell you what to do and then you do the opposite. So instead of like, you know, like really like listening to people, like you know, tonight we're going to talk to our new friends, and I want to I want to know what they're interested in so that when we go out there, I can

Am I doing it right? Am I doing it right? You know that was an individual like it doesn't right and wrong.

I don't feel like, yeah, yeah, I'm more of like the let it happen. If it's meant to manifest together, then it'll you will meet the person and just let it happen.

It was not really gay in that respect. I'm with you one hundred percent, but it seems like there's not really game. I think a woman should just be confident.

And smile and be open.

I feel like that's so much easier said than done, though, what the like, just be confident like I maybe that's because I mean and now I feel like I'm more confident, But back in like twenties and thirties, I was like a mess because I was so not confident, and it's it's so easy for somebody to be like, well, be confident. Well, how can I be confident when I don't even know who I am? Or I'm afraid this person's gonna hurt me, or like you have all the stuff that you're still

With your friend, Sarah Yeap, what then was the right move? How do you let a guy know you're interesting?

Well, so I was confident. I was more confident than even though I was divorced. But I also knew what I wanted and I didn't want to meet him. I personally did not want to meet a guy in a bar.

I just didn't.

I didn't think that was going to be where I was going to meet my person. So I didn't want to force the situation. So that's where and I didn't want to force it, you know, I didn't want if he was not coming over and we didn't have the lockeye thing, like I'm not I don't know, I just I was like, this feels too young for me to be doing this game where my girlfriend's going over there and talk to him. It just feels uncomfortable. If I want to go talk to him, I'll go talk to him.

You will both married now.

Yeah, talking me about flirting is a little weird for me because I've been married for forever, like to someone, right, I don't think there was a day I wasn't married or pregnant or something. So flirting was a little weird just talking about it. I'm like, I don't flirt anymore unless it's with my husband, and I don't.

Really do that.

But I mean I probably should do more than that. Maybe we should do an episode about that.

How do you let a guy know that you if you can go back to those.

Eye contact, like you said, Kelly, a smile and a friendly demeanor, and then you ignore them.

So I ignored my husband for like three weeks, and I think that's the only reason why he was the first man that I've like dated that I ignored for because I honestly didn't. I forgot to reply back to him because I didn't have WhatsApp, so like I didn't know he was texting me, but I would be like, oh, yeah, sorry, I forgot that I had this WhatsApp thing, you know, And then three weeks later I would text him again,

Or whatever you were playing the game without.

I didn't even know.

I had no idea because but I was also like, eh, like he lives there, Like what what's the Like he was like, and how is that even going to work anyways? Like well, you know what I mean, like whatever, but then you know obviously then you go into it. So I think again, it's like you're I wasn't that available?

Is everyone here? You will seem to not, but everybody agree with that that strategy, if you will that let them chase a little bit.

I mean, yeah, what flirting techniques or just sure or available women I did before, Yes, when.

You were go back in like your thirties forties.

Yeah, I was always certainly when I get over age thirty thirty five forty, I mean we're just adults, Like I'm a grown ass man. I have time to play a game. If I'm interested, I will let you know, gon toy. If I want to talk to you, I will text you. You don't respond, okay, and that's fine. I just don't. And I hate we keep saying game. I know we say when we mentioned that, but I don't like the idea of grown ass folks messing around and playing around. We don't have time. I can't tell

I think when I said ignore them, I was just kind of joking because I'm with you, I've got a lot, I've got a lot to do. If this is going to work out, let's make it work. If it's not, move on. Like you know, I don't have a lot of time to waste. I think that people don't need to waste their time on the wrong people.

I think also today in this era of social media, like everyone's either on their phone or they're connecting with someone you know through social media, and you know, people are like Hi, I'm like what does that mean? Like, how about do you want to go get a drink?

Hi?

Hi, okay, Hi, Like I'm not your pen pal, you know what I mean. Like, so it's like if you're going to I guess. Like texting with intention is also a good part of like the game, like obviously, you know, like we were talking about like smiling, be happy, but also like a little distant, but then texting with intention like making it happen and making a date because how do you know what these people are like until you

Like what does that mean?

That's geographically undesirable? Thank you?

Having said that, though I did meet my husband, he was living in England, So I think you know a little bit, you know, you got to like you open up, yeah, so you know, hey, you make a way if it's worth it, that's right, that's right.

Well, we talked before on another episode about the first Date uniform. If you haven't listened to that episode, by the way, you should. What do you think women should wear when they're going out there and they're trying to flirt with guys?

I personally always say less is more, don't do the full hair and makeup thing. I every time I've gone on a date, it's I do the minimal makeup because I'm like, this is you're going to wake up with even less than this, So putting on the full face like I would never do this or anything like that I have on right now. It's it's very because I don't wear makeup. I hate wearing life no infe don't get her exactly for racist who I am, and I don't.

It's like, this is what do you think, Kelly?

I mean, you're also dropped on gorgeous too, so.

Far that doesn't hurt.

I totally think that less is more.

Every single guy that's ever told me about like men or now that because I've been talking to so many people about like relationships there, they all see the same thing. Jeans and a T shirt. Oh I saw when she was in jeans and.

A T shirt. Oh, she looks so cute in a hoodie.

You know they guys, you tell us know what you're saying is one hundred because that's I've always said that if a woman can't put on jeans and a T shirt, belly up to a bar, have a draft beer and watch an SEC football game with me, we're probably not gonna work out. And it's not just about what she's wearing, but there's a confidence in a woman who can just put that on and it's cool with like, hey, let's do it. It's just yeah, it sends a sick look

But here's also the problem too, and this is I talked to my ex husband about this because in the dating world, like I'm like, how's you know, how's it going? The women use too many filters. And I've actually stopped doing filters because because my daughter, I'm like, I don't want my daugh I'm like, why am I doing this filter when this is not what my nose like looks like?

Or this is not what I look like. I wouldn't want my daughter to do this.

So I've completely stopped doing filters on like the story things. But he was saying, he's like women filter themselves so much with their photos too, that when you meet them, you're like, that is not what they look like. So also like present who you are?

I think I do that too.

Do do they really do they do filter?

I heard from a lot of women friends. Oh, they show up to dates and they don't look anything.

Like well, I think they lie. The only time I've ever was like cause they lie about their height. But besides that, like what, I don't know, men filter their faces.

You can tell it guys height by they're standing next to us car kind.

Of look and you gauge it.

Was and guys always have like a picture with their car. I was like, that is really good advice. Check that's amazing.

Is that the number one thing you will have found that maybe that's the thing guys lie? But you still about filters with the face or something, But is that the thing guys will lie? About their height more than anything on if you're online or I.

Think that they just think it's like that that whole age of tall, dark and handsome is like what women are looking for.

That's not true at all. I mean my ex husband was.

Short, great, curly hair like and French like. That's not tall, dark and handsome. But it's just you know, you just never know who you're gonna like or.

You're gonna ye know.

I'm trying to think with like the biggest lie. I mean, I can think of a few, but like if.

They're wearing a ball cap in every picture, which is totally fine.

I love we love four men.

Who doesn't? But I think you're we have a point like natural, comfortable in your own skin. It's the right message to put out to people.

Do not wear a sequence truss not you look beautiful.

You just said I like to be understated, And now.

It's h.

How do you know when a guy is interested in you? Is it clear? Is it obvious from across the room? Do you do? We have a difficult time you all have found giving the right signals.

I think from or from like when you first meet.

Yeah, or before you even beat if you know that person know you think that person interested in.

You, you're flirting in the I think it's definitely the eye contact. You know how they if they approach you. I think that's a tell tell, tell tale sign. But I think moving forward from that, the biggest thing that I learned from my dating was there was a guy that I was kind of chasten a little bit and he seemed to like me and all those things and say he liked me and we would hung out, but he you know, I felt like I was pursuing him

So yeah, listen, it's it's okay to listen to somebody. We will absolutely give you an answer without giving you an.

Answer exactly, but I wish you'd give us the answer. That's the piece that's always frustrating. It's like Why can't you just say you don't you like my company? When you like my company, when you want my company, but not like but you like. That's the part the guys that you know drive me crazy. Maybe girls do it too, I don't know, But Jenny, was it.

Always clear with you, like you could okay, I know that guy is interested? Or were there mixed signals? Did you find it confusing sometimes with the signals guys are giving.

Oh my god, let me think back. Did I I feel like, you know, you just know there's that little little spark, little tingle inside and you just know instinctively that person's giving me some vibes. Yeah, yeah, let's see what Let's see what that means and explore it if you are into him.

Right.

So I have two daughters. They're twenty four and they're twenty six, and they're always on my phone. I'm like, what are you guys looking for? There's nothing in there but there And they'll see like if when I'm texting someone that I like and they're like, mom, oh my god, it's just you're so much blue. Oh my god, you're so much All you do is like blahbah blah blah blahbah like just one text and then let them. But I'm the kind of person that's like, hi, how are you good?

Question? You know, I'm like I'm like no, no, no, no.

She's like oh my god.

It's just like he's like he's one and you're like.

Wait, wait, wait, So is there a technique to texting guys?

They say that you should be less blue than like so yeah it should be. Then that's where like the game thing comes with it. But yeah, they should. That shows that.

It's more interest if there's more from them.

But that's confusing because my ex husband sends me paragraphs.

Well maybe he.

Don't do that.

I don't think that's the case.

But also, you know, some people are telling people are good over the phone and some people are textures. So like, you know, I would never like randomly FaceTime someone, but some people like to do that or they like to like be on the phone. I mean, I'm not a I'm not a phone person just because in my work life, like I'm always on the phone, so I'm not gonna I'd rather be like, hey, I'm thinking of you, which is my way of being nice. And some guys are like,

How do you do you do you monitor? Do you find yourself editing your text? Like you're right there? Okay, wait say that the right way? Is that the right emoji? Should?

I thank god they made that edit option. Now you can, you can and you can undersend right right? Wait, Like I love it.

I mean I like you exactly.

But you don't find yourself doing that. You don't trying.

I'm like, you know what if you if you don't like me the way that I am, then you're never gonna like me. I mean, like I'm not gonna like start to like change things up and like so I'll probably forget.

So.

So, say you've met someone and you're feeling the vibes, right, what happens at the end of the night, Like do you give him your digits?

Is that what they still say?

Now?

Do you give him your number or do you give him your email addressed?

Or what?

How does that work? Because I you, guys, if I told you how I met my husband, it's the exact opposite way of well, who told you?

He told you?

Wasn't anything. When we met, I was I didn't like him, but at the end of the night.

Didn't.

No, no, no no.

He was tall and actory looking, and.

I was like, oh, he was handsome and that was a problem and young.

So I he said at the at the valet, we were waiting for our cars at the end of the awkward dinner, and he said, so, what should I call you? And I said no. And I said, but you can follow me? And he goes, you mean like on Instagram? I said, no, idiot, follow me. Get in your car and follow me like home.

No, not home, okay, I told you when I want something, I get it, but no followed me to it.

I went to another bar. I didn't tell him where. I just said follow me and I zoomed off. So I had to see if he could keep up with me. I wanted to see, like Gauge his like adventures because I like adventure. And he kept up with me, and we went to another bar, and that's where we got to know each other without the people who had set us up. So we were we were at a double date before we needed to have some time. I needed to have some time just one on one with them to know what's who was interested?

You know, so are you supposed to you know, people are like, this isn't the dating is like an interview, so you have to have your interview questions.

I'm like, what are my interview questions?

Like?

I just kind of like let men like tell me their story. I just kind of listen. I asked them like I asked them like leading questions. But I don't say like why were you married, who were you married, how long was it divorced?

What's your five years?

I don't care about that, But the other stuff that's I'm the like it too. I'm like, what, like I do those questions?

Yeah?

Right?

Telling me I should do much?

I can't.

What do you want? Like, what do you what are you interested?

Yeah?

Because I'm always.

See anything I feel so awkward. I feel like, oh my god, and that would make me feel uncomfortable. They were like I was like leading the dance.

TJ your best advice for the winners Elizabeth and Rebecca tonight because they are at the concert in the VIP section. So I mean, what is your best advice from a man for them when.

You take advantage of the opportunity. You don't get this enough to be And it's one thing to be in a social setting, but this is a closed social setting, meaning most of the people in the room are there for one reason. They've kind of been vetted already. They know somebody who knows somebody.

You know.

Everybody's here for the same reason, right, walk up, meet talk to everybody. That guy might not be single, but he might have a friend who is. That woman might not be I mean she might not have a friend available with her. She has her sisters. You've got to take advantage of the opportunity and do not pass it up tonight. You gotta be out there. You got to be open, You got to be a company.

You might meet a guy that has a really wonderful wife and you could have a new friend.

Look at it that way.

That's why I say to my friends too, I'm like, go on to a lot of different dates because they also might know people that you might be like, oh, you know, really like you, but your friend is hot, right.

Yeah, but are you supposed to ask them about their phone?

K Like right out of the.

You don't follow No, I don't do that.

I just am like, what do you want?

Care about the money?

She said?

I don't care about the money?

No, she cares about no.

But I mean I could never say, like, oh, you were a divorce, how long are you? I would feel like I was literally like bulleting question that.

You just make them feel like you're talking and you're not grilling them, right, you know, like just be easy on the questions and listen.

Yeah, but I have gone a couple of days sorry quickly where the guys talk so much and they tell me so many stories and they're trying to like get like the sympathy from me, and I'm just like, wow, that's really great.

I'm saying. I'm like, oh my god, Like what like, way another story?

Wait?

How many stories do I have to listen to in like a two hour dinner?

You will be there with Elizabeth. We will continue to check in. But yeah, we're this is gonna be a fun night. Yeah, So folks, we want all of you to keep checking in here with us. Do not give up on finding your person. Hey, maybe you'll find them by using this podcast. If you need dating advice, want help finding love, we're here. The number is one eight four four four I do pod. That's eight four four four four three six seven sixty three. The email is

It's so fun.

I'll be sure to get an update on how the night goes, so stay tuned for that

Goodlock look