Hey, guys, it's your other host for I Do Part two, Jana Kramer. I'm jumping in. I love tearing Elizabeth's story. I'm so excited for her. But we have someone else that we're going to have on. She's a listener of I Do Part two and she's actually really good friends with Elizabeth, so I'm really excited to get her on. But first I want to play you Rebecca's voice memo that she's sent in to be on the show. Let's give it a listen him.
My name is Rebecca. I listened to your podcast and I would be interested in participating. Thank you.
I mean, hey, short and sweet, and she just is like ready to get into it. So let's do it. Let's get Rebecca on and let's help her find some love.
Hey, how are you. I'm good.
I'm so happy to be talking to you. We just listened to your voice memo and I loved it because it was like, hey, I listened to the show. I want to be on, Like, let's do this. It was just like very to the point, very like very direct, and I'm here for that. So we had the first part of the show, we had your girlfriend Elizabeth on, and obviously she was from the Bachelor too, And then I was reading your stuff and you were you were
also on the Bachelor, you were on Brad season. How did you guys meet because you were on different seasons.
So after you get off the show, you're part of this like crazy bachelor family, right, and you get invited to all the events. And so I was invited to a charity event and it was like a clean up the beach in Venice kind of a thing, and so we were both at that same event together.
Okay, and then it was just like fast friends or.
Yeah, well I act actually saw Elizabeth walking down the beach and I was like, oh gosh, not this girl. She was like so caddy on the show, and she just was portrayed really bad. And she knows as I've told her this, and I was like, oh, don't pair me with her. And then we were paired together. But she's amazing. She's not who they portrayed on the show, and she's such a sweetheart. We've been best friends for fourteen years. We've been through everything together. So yeah, it's
been amazing to have her in my life. I'm so glad we were paired.
Together, right, I know, it's interesting God's little interventions. So you you got sent home the first night? Is that what I read on Brad's I did what? Okay? What was that like? What was that feeling like? And then also why do you think you were sent home on the first night? Is there something where is this a thing in your dating world where you're like, maybe I didn't put forth more effort or what do you think it was?
So going on the first night is a little deflating because there's so much work up to it that you spend months talking to producers and just like them prepping you and getting you ready for the show, and then you get there and it's night one and you're so excited meeting all the girls, Like everyone was super nice. I really wanted to stay for that. I liked the pressure that I was fielding. I wasn't looking to be
on a reality TV show. I just felt like this was God's funny plan to like introduce me to my husband, Like Okay, cool, I'm going to go on some show. And I feel like maybe I wasn't reality TV enough for them, Like the producers kind of wanted me do a little bit more like chasing around. I was the first person in Bachelor history to kiss the guy right out of the limo, and I feel like it was then like, Okay, now I want you to go find
him and kiss him again. I'm like, that's not me, Like I want to be authentic to who I am and not put on, you know, a show. So I kind of feel like that's why I went home because I wasn't kind of doing what they wanted me to do. But it was a fun experience, all right.
So post a Bachelor, then you ended up. How long were you married for with your with your husband who.
Was with my ex first seven years? Well we were married for seven years.
Seven years, Okay. When I was reading your breakdown, I was just like, oh, I relate so much to your story because it said, you know, you were set up with your ex husband right after the Bachelor. They dated for a little over a year, then you broke up. I'm curious, and then you found out you're pregnant, so then you guys reconciled. What why did you guys break up?
In the beginning, I just had this intuition. I just felt like he was cheating on me and there was a lot of lies. The relationship was super dysfunctional. But I was so lost. I didn't I was broke down. My self esteem was completely gone. I felt like, this is the best I can do. I'm thirty years old. I want to be married and have kids, and this is what's out there, so, you know, and I finally listened to my gut and said I'm out. I can't
do this anymore. This is not right. And I felt like this overwhelming peace and relief when it was done. And then I found out two days later that I was pregnant, and I was like, oh gosh, what do I do now?
This is I mean truly the same kind of story too. I was thirty, I really wanted to have kids, and so it was that. But I had just found out that he cheated on me, and we were only d we only dated for gosh, like a month before I found out that he cheated on me the first time. And if that wasn't the biggest red flag ever, but I really, truly I was like, well, I'm thirty, I really want to have kids, and I you know, people
make mistakes, and lord, I've made a million. And so I tried to kind of talk my way through his stuff, but then, you know, same with you. You married for seven years, ex husband had ten plus affairs, And I was just like, oh my gosh, I'm like, am I reading my own story? Because I mean what I know of in the first one was thirteen in the first year of our marriage. So then women after that were you know, I think I know of like five or
six more. But I mean when there's fifteen, you know, you know, it's like, but for you, when was the first time that you caught him in an affair or did he tell you? Like, what was that?
Like? Now? I he had to actually just come back. He's a fireman. He plays bagpipes, and he was at a bagpipe event for several days and then came home and that night his phone was laying on his chest and it was lit up. In the middle of the night, I went, I got up. We had a gosh. Brindley was six weeks old, still sleeping in our room and a bouncy thing on the floor, and he picked his phone up and put it on the night stand and saw mistext from Kyle and I was like, Okay, cool,
who's Kyle? Went to the bathroom, came back and just this gut feeling like, go look at his phone, and I never felt that way before. I would have never been a million years thought he would cheat. And so I picked up the phone and took it downstairs and it happened to be unlocked, which was never like he always had a lock like a password on it. I was able to find several different women that he had been texting extremely inappropriate things while he's laying in bed
next to me. I confronted him that night about it, and.
How many years into the marriage was that?
This was a year? One year I got pregnant just after we got married to our with our second child, and she was six weeks, so it had just been a year or jess under just barely shy of a year. But he swore it was never in person, it was only text messages. It would never happen again. So I kind of just kept this dirty little secret and.
My eyes lies lies, liesless.
And then a year later he took me to a mountaintop and like confessed that he had lied and he had been seeing these women. And I basically did a tell all, like you have a one day get at a jail free card. I need to know everything, the skills of eath, anything for tomorrow or I'm gone, and I just sat there counting, like, oh my gosh, how
many more are there? Like this is insane? So there was ten he admitted to that day, and then I said for five years trying to fix the marriage, because of course, if I could be perfect, and I could be good enough, and I could have the cleanest house and the best kids and be in the best shape and all the things, he would love me right, he would choose me. I always chose him, and I found again women on his phone five years later, and that
was I mean, I can't continue in that cycle. So he actually a mutual friend of ours recently asked him like, hey, man, you know Rebecca says you've been cheating who you cheated on her and that's why she left. And he was like, oh gosh, I lost track of how many people I cheated on her with like it was something right about Wow.
I feel like it's one extreme or the other. I remember my ex when I did my table talk with Jada Pinkett Smith, the girl he was dating at the time, He's like, oh, thirteen women, I'd love to know who those were. And I'm like, so it's like they either lie I'm like, oh, oh, would you like to go back because I can pull up the rolodex. I called all of them. Yeah, it's kind of on the phone or you know, or they just yeah, I'm like that, what is that? Like? Why is that? It's not a
bragging right dude? You know, like, that's not something to brag about.
Totally. I didn't. And I actually told our friend, like, you can ask him if you really want to, I go, but he's not gonna. Why would he admit that? Would you admit that it makes you look bad? And then that he bragged about it? I was like, Wow, Okay, I guess he's admitting it.
Did he ever come out to say that he was a sex addict or he had a problem or what was his excuse I guess, or what was his rationalization with it all?
Yeah, So after he admitted to the affairs, he started going to a sex addict therapist, and he had all these things in place. He was gonna go to therapy and go to recovery and go to he was you know, we joined like a life group with our church, and he was all in just going to be the best husband ever and deal with his past and a lot of it's you know, blamed on the upbringing and daddy issues and things like that. So it was never like he never really took I guess like blame for it.
It was always someone else's fault as to why that was happening, why he was people choices.
I'm so sorry you had to go through that, because I mean, it is the worst, worst pain possible, especially since you have you know, two beautiful daughters, and you know, I definitely get it's it's so hard and for the longest time I stayed for my kids. And then realizing the last time I found out about the next round of affairs was my again breaking point because after a while, you're like, all right, this is a seven year cycle.
He's not changing. Yeah, his words are just now I don't believe anything he says because every time it just keeps happening again and again, and you wonder, you know, I still there were times when I'm like, maybe this time is the time he's going to change, maybe like he finally realized it. But then you just come to that I don't actually even care if he does, because I can't stick around to find out. Yep. And for you you know, now that you've been You've been single
for how many years? Two years?
I've been single for four. Our divorce has been final for two, but I left four years ago.
Okay, have you been in serious relationships since your divorce?
I would say one, maybe semi serious relationship. It didn't last long, but we were friends for like six months prior to actually getting into the relationship, and so the feelings came on pretty pretty quickly since we had known each other for so long. But sure, just the one. And where are you at now with love? Do you do you want to find love? Do you want to get married again? You know?
Where? Where are you at with that?
Yeah? I do? Actually, I believe in marriage. I think that there are good people out there. I don't believe everyone is my ex. I've been through a lot. I did, gosh, three or four years of trauma therapy. I could gamdr to just work through triggers and all of that. I everything, So I finally feel like I'm like a whole, complete person. I feel like in the beginning I didn't want to jump into something because I didn't want to bring my past into my current relationship. But yeah, I just I
struggle with believing that I'm picking the right person. I was so tricked the first time, and I don't I mean, I just don't trust that I'm going to pick someone who's not going to completely love bomb me, and then I'm going to find out, you know, when it's too late that oh wait, this isn't who I thought he was.
Yeah, I mean, it definitely is really hard to trust yourself post divorce. I mean I kind of fell into that same thing where after I got divorced. I essentially picked kind of the same dude after my divorce, and then, you know what my therapist always said, though, is you know, in that situation, I go, god, I failed again. I picked someone that was so similar and it was not who he said he was. And she goes, but you figured it out sooner this time, you know, you're not
seven years in. She's like, you were a couple of months in. And she's like, and you were able to see the red flags and you were able to get out. She's like, that is in itself, you know, victory, right, and like you're like, you're you have that right there proves that you can trust yourself a little bit, and then you can trust yourself more than every time you do it, and I think I have a girlfriend right now.
That's also you know, she's newly divorced and she's dating and it's almost just like I told her, I said, go out and just meet as many people take inventory of it all, you know, like see what you actually want because when she was in a long marriage for a long time and she's like the guys and what I've noticed too, and what you probably can see with your ex now is like they showed you who they
were all along. It was just up to us to to really go, Okay, this is this is who they are, not what they smoke clouds of who they were making them up to be.
Yeah, I believe what they show you and not they Yeah.
Well, and that's like how I think with trust. Everyone's like, how do you trust your husband now? And I'm like, for me, it's he says what he like, he he does what he says, and he says what he does, you know, like he's his words and his actions match every single day, And that to me is how I can trust you know my husband now because before my ex husband, there was his words and actions never aligned ever, which is why I was like, but and then I
was made to feel like the crazy one. I'm like, but you said this you're doing how, like, how does this make sense?
Yeah?
Because it never It's just like crazy making and then they make us feel crazy.
Yeah. No, I didn't say that. I said this, and that's not how this happened. Sometimes I just wanted like cameras on the walls, like, you know, I want to play back the film. That's not what you said. This is not how this went down. Why do I feel like a crazy person? Did I say that? You start to like question your own sanity.
In the world of dating? Now are you? Are you on apps?
Like?
What are you doing to get out there?
Todate? No? I did the apps. I hate the apps. They're awful. I feel like, I don't know, it's like a diamond and a rough you know, it's so hard to find someone who genuinely wants be in a relationship, and it's more of like a hookup culture on the apps or ghosting, Like you start talking to someone all of a sudden, you're like, where did you go? I thought we were having a really good conversation. Now you're gone.
So I got off the apps about eight nine months ago, and I don't know, like where do you meet people? Like I always say I want to meet someone in the wild and the grocery store. Like I feel like in my twenties, people would approach you, like, you know, at the bars or when you're just out doing life. And I go out by myself all the time, Like I when I don't have my kids, I can't just stay cooped up in the house, and so I'll go out to a bar or restaurant and have dinner and sit by myself and nobody.
Oh I would love that, really nobody. Ever, that doesn't mean I really find that hard to believe because you're you're beautiful, and the fact that you're going out there too, it shows you have confidence to go sit there and have you know, dinner by yourself. And are you the kind of person that will approach somebody else?
I don't, sort of like I so like I encourage my friends to when we're out, like, oh, you see a cute guy, go talk to him. But then I have this like old school mentality. I want to be pursued, Like I want someone to have of confidence to come out to me and to like just boldly be like, hey, let's talk, let's go hang out, let's have dinner together or something. So don't know if that feels like pursuing someone else. If I'm like, hey, let's talk.
Well, here's an interesting thought. Because you live in California, right, mm hmm, okay, Well, I'm going to be in California for the iHeart jingle Ball Fest. So is your friend Elizabeth, and so is my friend Kelly Bensimon. So would you want to come? Actually, let's get Can we get Kelly on? And then maybe we can entice you to come to jingle Ball with us, and then we can try to set you up with someone. Does that sound like a plant's let's get Kelly on?
Kelly.
Whenever I feel like whenever I find someone that has been that has the similar pass like I've had with the cheating ex husband for multiple, multiple, multiple years and multiple women, I have this like rideer die vibe that I'm like, I want to just go out and find help, find you love because I feel like I got lucky with my aftermath of that terrible traumatic years of my life that I'm like, Kelly, can we gotta help my girl? Rebecca out?
Hi?
Rebecca?
How are you hello?
Should we all go to jingle ball and then just pimp out our girl Rebecca and just see what she's doing wrong, help her because I am like world's best wing woman.
So, oh my god, me too. I am like there for you.
I'm so sorry, but Kelly, you're also single though, so I'm like, I'm gonna have to like, we're gonna have to, like you know, to find you guys.
Three Elizabeth will be there. We need three good guys.
Yes, RecA, It's gonna be so much fun. We're gonna have the best time. And you know what, you know, what the thing is too, is like when you're in a good mood with with fun with friends that you really like, then you meet like really great people. So I'm super excited to hang out with you and we're gonna have the best time.
Rebecca, are you in?
I'm in?
Oh my gosh. I love this so much. It's another opportunity to put yourself in a place where you might not have gone. And then the fact that you know all of us girls will be there, so we'll be we'll be definitely routin me on what are you most nervous about with finding your next love? And then what are you most looking.
Forward to, like I said, nervous about the red flags like just not seeing something and somebody kind of getting stuck in that like moving too fast, because when you really like someone, you know, like it tends to go quickly. But I don't want I don't want to like rush into the next relationship. But I also don't want to like put my last relationship like in the forefront of my new one, right, I don't want to hold that against the next person, where like they do something and
I'm comparing it to my last relationship. Do they do You ever get to the point where you're not just like looking for red flags the entire time you're dating somebody.
Hmm, I mean yeah, I was looking like for the first couple probably. I mean mine only lasted for the first couple of months. I feel like I moved maybe only like the first month. I was like trying to figure out the red flags. But when when I wasn't finding any, and I'm like, all right, I'm jumping all like head in because I feel like everyone's or feet first. But everyone always says, well, don't go too fast, don't
go too fast. But I also know people that have met someone and fast and then they have the most amazing marriage years years in. So yeah, I jumped in fast with my ex too, but it was so different from my now husband.
Yeah. Yeah, there's like that confidence he felt peace that like he was a yeah that he was Yeah, I.
Mean I agree.
I agree too, Like right now, like you and I and Rebecca are in the same kind of headspace, and you know, I just am like open to meeting new people, and I haven't really like I thought about you know, I'm not trying to put any like boundaries or parameters on anyone. I'm just trying to be like, Okay, I'm really interested and I want to know more about you. And my friends are saying to me, you have to ask questions. So I'm not a question asker. I am a just like hang out with you kind of feel
who you are. But I'm not like, why did you guys seech forced what was your last marriage? Like you know, I'm just.
Noth my god, I am so that person. I'm like, why what happened? Would you? Did you? Did you do that? Like I have to know every and that's that's like maybe my toxic trade. I don't know, but I just like, let's get to it because I don't want to waste my time. I've got two kids at home, Like, I'm not wasting not wasting any time.
Yeah, how soon do you, like do you introduce your kids to? Like I feel like when you have feelings for someone, like I don't want to fall in love with someone, and then like introduce some of my kids and my kids and that person don't chibe and I'm like, sorry, see you, what do you do with that?
I I kind of always did like the three month rule. I don't know if that was, and so I only introduced them to you know, so an X and then my now husband, but I was yeah, three months is kind of what I was, but my ex and I kind of agreed to. But it's more, it's hard because when you're in your forties, I feel like things just move faster anyways, at least for me it did, because it's like you just cut the bullshit and you go
straight too. All right, what does this look like? And because you have to be I feel like you have to cut the bullshit when you've got kids.
Yeah, yeah, dating with a purpose. I'm not just dating for fun, Like I'm dating exactly to meet someone longer.
We're not on tender you know what I mean.
Yeah, So my kids are so much older. They're you know, twenty four and twenty six, and so they're the ones that when we're out, they're like, Mommy, he's good looking, Mommy, he looks like something that you would like. And so it's weird because like they're with me, and I'm like, no, no, you're not supposed to be like out here with me in the jungle. You guys are supposed to be like forging your own path, like leave me alone. But it's
been really sweet to see them. But when they were younger, like you know, I mean, I you know, work with a lot of different men and people, and you know, they never even thought for one minute like if I was dating someone and less until like they came to like dinner, like we would have like a dinner and be like, oh, like you know, which want to all
have fun. And but I never like made like an actual introduction until you know, I was, I was, you know, really considering being with them and I and you know, even with my last relationship, you know, he had kids and I just was like, hold off on the kids. Let's you know, I'm not you know, Barbie let's just keep everything. Like, you know, I'm not the fun friend over here. Like all the kids, you know, when they're younger, they're like, oh, she hare a babysit. I'm like, no, no, not.
She could be.
One guy went on a date with for Halloween and I was bam bam and his little daughter was like, my babysitter is here.
Oh no no, no, no no no. I'm not the baby hitter. So that means another question, Like, so everyone parents so differently, Like I diated this guy, So the guy that I was in a relationship with, like, we parented very different. It's like when is it okay like or is it okay to like step in and be like, hey, something's got to change here, like in order to mingle two families together, right in order to have like he has kids, I have kids, and we're gonna parent and
be married. Like when do you start like disciplining someone else's kids or having a say in how they parent or I mean both ways. I'm not a perfect parent. None of us are perfect. Your parent were winging it, but like you get involved.
I feel like my my husband did a good a good job with that where he it took him. I mean, he's just now is because because I've asked him too, because I'm like, I can't always be because the kids are with me seventy percent of the time, with us seventy percent of the time, so they're only at their dads like eight days a month, and so it's like for us, it's like, I'm like, I can't be the only person that is disciplining the kids because then they're not going to even want to be here because if
I'm always like guys, guys, guys and riding them all the time. So it's like, Alan, I really need you to step in and like when you hear Julia or Jace, you know, start to mouth off or do something. And they're really good kids, so it's not like that a lot, but still I'm like I need, like I need that support so that I'm not the only parent doing that.
And so he's like, yeah, now that you know we're married and you know, but it's not a mom still has that like at the end of the day, we're still the ones that are like, guys, stop it or let's go or you know. But I think it's just in time, you'll know, they'll and they'll know and you'll know when the right time is to be like, hey, doesn't fly here, or we don't do that or so I think it's it's I don't think there's like a
time per se. But I think it's just more of like a I don't think it's I don't think the guys should come right in and start disciplining the second they move into the house or start being run your kids. You know, obviously that wouldn't be cool because then they're not gonna like the guy. But I think it's just it's a it's a gradual thing.
I guess, like when my kids were younger, you know, we also just to give them a framework. I used to like always say, like Ben's Simons have rules. We do s things in a certain way. And so then my kids would then say, Ben Simons have rules, this is what we do. So it was interesting because like it was the different dynamic my kids were saying, this
is how we do things. This is our framework. Basically, like you either come on board with that or we're not gonna I guess they're like, you have to meet my kids. I mean, oh my god, I'm back at two. Oh my god, I can't wait for you to meet them. They're such great kids. But I've been so lucky that they were so just solid, just very especially living in New York. I mean, I think that raising kids in New York is just like very very difficult, and I was just really proud to raise them and to have
them be who they are. But you know, they I kept instilling in them like Ben Simones have rules, and I would say that around my acts as kids, like Ben Simones have rules and this is what we do and this is how we do things. That's not like their rules. That's like here's our framework. If you guys want to come and play in our sandbox, like, this is what we do.
So that's what I did.
But I think it's always like yes that like you don't know until you're in it, do you know what I mean? Like you might feel really loving, you might be like, oh my god, this person needs you know, like you know, we're nurturing and we want.
You know, the best for the kids.
And but sometimes you know, the fathers they really do know. I mean, sometimes they're really good about parenting kids, and sometimes they're like, oh, these are the rules, and like you don't even have kids, you don't know what the rules, You don't know what you're talking about. Just enjoy, Just enjoy the family and have fun and like eat the cookies.
And go home. Yeah, and I think, you know, to not get ahead of ourselves either where it's like let's just baby, not baby, step it in, but let's just you know, the first step is getting you to iHeart jingle ball, and then after that it's finding connecting you with someone that a deserves your love and that is worthy of your love and that will protect your heart and all this because you know, like you said, and I agree to not every not every man is like
our ex and so you know that's the mission is to go to go, you know, find to find the love that we all deserve because they are out there and maybe we just you know, we were looking at the signs and we didn't really pay attention to them as we should. But now we are paying attention, and you know, I think that's what's important now is we have a better set of eyes on things.
Nice and we're you and I are in it together, Rebecca. So it's like anytime you're like, oh my god, that reminds me of something like I'm here for you. So you know we can talk about talk about talk through. You know, I'm going to be a good sounding board for you because we're like on the same level and you know we're both going through it together. So you know what, I'm going to need you too. I'm going to be like, wait a minute, what do we do here? What happened?
Well, it's going to be so so fun. So along with your friend Elizabeth, Rebecca, you are going to join us at our jingle Ball concert in Los Angeles Friday, December sixth, presented by Capital One. You gals are going to come out with Kelly Benzmon and our other celebrity mentors who are going to really see if you've got the skills and what you need to flirt and maybe
make a love connection at the show. You never know, it's going to be a fun night and you're going to get some great tips and confidence to take with you into the dating scene. Our mentors are going to help you with that flirting since you admit you're not really good at that. So get ready, Rebecca, We're coming for you, and we're coming to LA to come scoop you up and take you to iHeart jingle Ball.
Awesome.
Thank you guys. All right, we'll see you soon.
Okay.
Bye, And my husband can help us also be a wingman, you know, so he can. He's got a really good I for you know, the bad ones, so perfect.
You can tell me all the people not to talk to perfect.
Okay, right, awesome, Hi guys. This podcast is all about you, guys, the listeners who are ready to put yourselves out there. So if you want dating advice or are you ready to find love again, that's what we're here for. We want to get to know you. Call us one eight four four four I Do Pod or email us at I Do podt iHeartRadio dot com, follow us on Instagram and TikTok at I Do Part two pod. All this
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