Most of us don't look forward to difficult conversations with someone at work, But what if they're not as hard as we make them out to be. For many of us, having to give someone bad news or maybe some necessary constructive criticism is something we spend a lot of time either planning for or stressing over. In our minds. We worry about what the other person will say, whether or not we might hurt their feelings, and countless other possible
ways it could go poorly. Dom Price is at Lassian's work futurist, and he prides himself on his ability to handle tough conversations. With responsibilities spanning seven global R and D centers, he has had his fair share of difficult conversations with people, so I wanted to pick his brain on how best to handle these conversations. Welcome to How I Was, a show about habits, rituals, and strategies for
optimizing your day. I'm your host, doctor Amantha Imper. On today's Quick Win episode, we go back to an interview from the past and I pick out a quick win that you can apply today. In today's show, Dom reveals the key tricks you can use to make difficult conversations easier, and the thing many of us are doing that actually
turns normal conversations into difficult ones. I would love to know to start with, what are the main types of difficult conversations that you're finding you're having and maybe others at lassion and needing to have.
In the workplace, it's almost always a derivation of feedback, right, And it could be feedback in there here's something you did or didn't do. It could be feedback in the every now and then, yeah, I work I saw this as well. We don't all have one hundred percent of self awareness, So every now and then it's one telling you something that you've not acknowledged or seen yet and you're like, oh, I don't know how that's going to go down. So it's normally pointing something out that is
somewhat controversial or fueled in some way. Right, it's a hot topic where you're nervous about the consequences. Right, it feels like there might be recourse. That's why it's fascinating, because one of the first things is just reframe, Right, it's just conversation. The fact that we label it difficult conversation or crucial conversation suddenly we've upped the ards and you're like, oh no, this is now a difficult conversation. I must go and prepare for said in whose eyes?
Is it difficult? Like we've already labeled it a bad thing? Right, so mindset wise, God knows chemically what's going on in our brain. When you're like, I'm now sitting you down for a difficult and I imagine this. Someone did that, Amantha, I'm now going to sit you down for a difficult conversation, You're like, why is it difficult? What's difficult about it? So I see the reframe of like, either if I don't say this what happens as you said before, or
or otherwise I think about it as a gift. If it's someone's not seeing something and I'm helping them build more awareness, and I'm doing it with good intent, I'm not doing it for wantupmanship or for maliciousness, then that's a gift. It genuinely should be a gift. And if I reframe it like that, my words are very different.
What else are you doing to prepare for that conversation?
Lots of questions? If you know me well enough to know I suffer with an abundance of confidence, which can be quite destructive. And so I'm always like, oh, if I've seen something and I've used the halo effectacy again and again and again, what biases am I applying to this That might may or may not be true, but
they're certainly influencing the way I'm seeing it. I always think that for any stimulus you put in the middle of a room, if hundred of us stood around a circle, we're all looking at the same thing, but we've got a different view. And so I have to check my biases every now and then. And then normally the hardest question to answer, but one that's full of wonderment is what might be going on for that person right now.
It's not that you can ever answer that, but it's just one of going You probably know a fraction of a percentage of what's happening with them, so be careful. I don't don't make assumptions about what's going on with them, and therefore charging with answers, maybe charging there subtly, but with questions like what is going on right now? How are you going? Like? So the question I asked this first, I was like, how did you think that the workshop went?
And they were like amazing, And I was like, oh good, good in that case, would you like my view because as a participant, but my question to them was, what are you seeing that made you think it was amazing? Because I'm genuinely curious about that you They weren't lying. They genuinely thought it was I'm like, you explain your world and it'll make me more aware of what you what signals you took in. Too many of us enter the conversation to go so I'm going to persuade you
why I'm right and you're wrong. And that's not a difficult conversation. That's a one way conversation. Versus, tell me more about your situation, your world, what's going on? How did you find that that that's bringing them into the conversation. It's a completely different model.
It's interesting because I can see how that can apply to giving someone feedback. But I wonder when it is an objectively hard conversation, like let's just say it's pay review time. Someone hasn't hit their targets and you're there to tell them you're not getting a pay rise for another twelve months. Like that is not a fun conversation. There is no way of spinning that to go? But what's your perspective? Do you maybe think this is the undestading?
How is it different in those instances where I think we can agree this is objectively not a good conversation to be having for anyone.
Maybe I'm just like an absolute narcissist, But I've had those conversations in my career and I don't mind them because the normal normally based off a fact like this was your target. You did not hit that target. So I think facts are friends. When you've got a fact, you're like, oh, this isn't my opinion anymore. It's not I don't think you made your target. You didn't make your target. But you're like, cool, okay, so that didn't happen and the consequences of that are and then normally
it's a reset to go. How do you feel about that? Because I always want to check in with the person. Does that make you feel if they're like I expected it and you hadn't in my target, but you're like okay, Or they're like I didn't meet it and I still think I should have had one hundred percent pay round, You're like, okay, that's a different problem to solve, but I need to know your perspective is a very important data point. But then that's a flip of a conversation
to go. Do you want an invite? Do you want to have a career conversation about what thriving looks like here and how we can work together to do that, or don't you That's a genuine option, and because sometimes people are like, nah, I've reached my pinnacle or I'm done here. I don't like it and I want to move on, Like ol, there's no point in me sugar coating into the bad news. You're done here, and let's have a chat about how we help you gracefully exit
and what's next. Or they're like, no, I'm in here's the circumstances that meant I didn't nail it last year. How can we have a conversation about what that looks like if I'm thriving. I think what makes that conversation harder, manth is how long we leave it for. It's the time difference between missing the target and having the chata. You missed the target, having that chat is in context, Hey,
who's your target? We set that's fair, Let's have a meaningful conversation about why did you miss what the ups, what were the downs, what the circumstances. That's a great time to have that conversation. Three months later, when you book a meeting with the person, that's an ambush. It's like, oh, this is a fake complete you missed, you don't like it's over, and so I don't think that's a particularly
engaging conversation. I want. I used to work with this so bad news doesn't get better with time, and it doesn't, but we just leave it too long with the hope that something magical will make it better. It doesn't, so it then feels like an ambush and it's too late. I can't cause correct, I can't do anything different.
I hope you enjoyed this little quick win with Dom Price. If you'd like to listen to the full interview, you can find a link to that in the show notes. If you like today's show, make sure you gud follow on your podcast app to be alerted when new episodes drop. How I Work was recorded on the traditional land of the Worrange, Gary people, part of the Coolon Nation