Do you often wonder how you’ll know the difference between a truth and a lie? It is a common question after infidelity, since the very nature of infidelity includes deceit. In this episode, I share a powerful analogy that will help you discern for yourself between truth and error. You will come away from this episode wiser, more in tune with your own truth, and with a higher commitment to seeking truth, at all cost. Want to work with me? Apply to join my group coaching program at: https://andrea...
May 19, 2023•29 min•Ep. 116
In this lost and found episode, I share a story of recently losing my child in Disneyland and some profound lessons that came from that. I came away from that experience recognizing clearer than ever that we are not meant to do life alone, especially the hard part. In an intense situation, helpers came. Kindness was shown. I want this for you, too, as you navigate feeling lost in infidelity. Want to work with me? Apply to join my group coaching program at: https://andreagiles.com/know-in-90/ To ...
May 05, 2023•19 min•Ep. 115
In this episode, you’ll learn how grandiosity can lead to affairs. If we think we are better than others, we tend to excuse our behavior and make exceptions for ourselves. You’ll learn what grandiosity is and how it can show up for the betrayed partner as well as the one who betrayed. You’ll have a clear understanding of how the mindset of grandiosity gets in the way of real transparency, connection and healing and what to to about it. Want to work with me? Apply to join my group coaching progra...
Apr 21, 2023•19 min•Ep. 114
Are there things in your life you want to change? Do you want your spouse to change? In this episode, you will learn the fast-track to how to really, deeply, fundamentally change. Instead of just believing that you can’t change or that you are simply a failure in aspects of your life, you’ll understand why change has not “stuck” in the past, and how to move forward in becoming who you want to be. You’ll also learn how to see if someone else is just going through the motions, or deeply changing. ...
Apr 07, 2023•23 min•Ep. 113
There is a lot of discussion about infidelity, but what about fidelity? What does it even look like to live in a high fidelity marriage? In this episode you will learn about five elements that have to be present to have a high fidelity marriage. Even if you have already experienced infidelity, fidelity can be learned. It can become your new reality, and it begins with becoming 100% faithful to yourself. Want to work with me? Apply to join my group coaching program at: https://andreagiles.com/kno...
Mar 24, 2023•19 min•Ep. 112
One of the main questions we have after experiencing infidelity is, “How do I know it won’t happen again?” In this episode, I teach about risk as being inherent in relationships and how to avoid taking risks with an unlikely return on investment. You’ll learn what questions to ask yourself to gauge just how much risk you are taking, and when it is wise to go all in. Risk IS inherent in any relationship, but in this episode you will learn how to be wiser about it. Want to work with me? Apply to j...
Mar 10, 2023•19 min•Ep. 111
Have you ever wondered if what you experienced is infidelity? For some situations, there is no doubt. But for many others, there is a lot of nuance. In this episode, you’ll learn exactly what infidelity is. When you have the words to define your experience, it is empowering. You are able to see more clearly why your experience felt like a violation, and what to do with that information. As the saying goes, knowledge is power. The more you know, the more you will be able to confidently advocate f...
Feb 24, 2023•17 min•Ep. 110
Often times, in an attempt to avoid temporary pain and discomfort, we avoid hard conversations, stuff down our own feelings and hide how we really feel from others. In this episode, you’ll learn about how to create long term healing by practicing the concept of sustainability. By looking down the road at what we may have to deal with if we put things off today, it can give us the courage to do the hard things now, knowing we are ultimately creating something lasting. Most of all, you will learn ...
Feb 10, 2023•23 min•Ep. 109
This episode is all about why we excuse bad behavior. Whether it be from our kids, spouse, co-workers, boss, etc., there are reasons we allow people to treat us the way they do. When you know what to look for and how to deal with the discomfort of teaching people how to treat you, life gets a whole lot easier. Most of us are conflict-averse and put up with behaviors that aren’t helping anybody. You can learn how to lovingly hold people accountable while growing your own self-respect. To learn mo...
Jan 27, 2023•24 min•Ep. 108
2022 was one for the books for me personally. I started the year with a new baby, launched a new program, and grew in ways I didn’t know I needed. In this episode, I share my biggest lesson from the year: one that, when practiced, can bring relief and peace even in the midst of uncertainty and discomfort. The lesson is around the concept of duality: The ability to hold onto two opposing views at the same time. Don’t miss this episode if you want help navigating the things that don’t make sense o...
Jan 13, 2023•20 min•Ep. 107
In a world that praises extreme independence, many of us don’t know how to help each other calm our nervous systems. We may even think it is co-dependence to try to help each other in this way. In this week’s episode, we will take a deep dive into what it actually means to co-regulate, and how it can bring deep healing. We will also take a look at how our parents help us to learn how to settle ourselves down by first regulating with us. You’ll understand what healthy co-regulation means as oppos...
Dec 30, 2022•24 min•Ep. 106
In my years of coaching, one thing I have heard too many times to count is, “I don’t like conflict.” My clients use this as a reason to not take bold action, not speak the things that need to be said, and ultimately to hide from discomfort. In this episode, I cover conflict with a new lens; one that helps my clients lose their fear about stepping into conflict with the intention of getting to the other side with problems solved. Listen to this episode to see where you are hiding from conflict, a...
Dec 16, 2022•22 min•Ep. 105
For many people, D-day, or discovery day (the day they found out about their spouse’s infidelity) is a heavy, traumatic day. When they have the anniversary of that day coming up, it can fill them with dread. In this episode, I’ll be sharing ways to think about discovery day that can bring relief, and even hope. It does not have to be an awful day. It can be a day with some emotion as you remember what happened, but it can be many other things as well. Listen to this week’s episode to learn how t...
Dec 02, 2022•23 min•Ep. 104
Resentment. This is an emotion I see in almost all of my clients, whether they be the one who was betrayed or the one who did the betraying. While it is a common emotion that many of us struggle with, it can be deadly if left unchecked. In this episode, I’ll cover where resentment comes from and why it can be so tempting to hold on to it. You will hear real life examples of clients I work with who are grappling with this and seeing how it is keeping them from moving forward. You will also learn ...
Nov 18, 2022•23 min•Ep. 103
Many would agree that infidelity can be one of the most painful experiences to endure. In this episode, rather than taking that statement at its word, I dive into the impact of infidelity and the ways it affects us. Just like all things in life, there are some things that are out of control, and some that are very much in our control. Even with infidelity, there is much that we can choose. We can choose just how much we allow the choices of another to impact us. This episode will help you see wh...
Nov 04, 2022•23 min•Ep. 102
In this episode, I interview Luke Schillings about his personal experience with experiencing and healing from infidelity. He has used his own painful experience to now work with men who are navigating that space. Listen for some amazing wisdom of how to let go, heal, and move on. Luke is a 40 something father of two who recently escaped the 9-5 to chase his dreams of becoming a relationship and infidelity coach. UK based and Lincolnshire born and bred, he can often be found running in the countr...
Oct 21, 2022•40 min•Ep. 101
To celebrate 100 episodes, tune in to hear snippets from the top 5 episodes thus far. You, my dear listeners, have been a delight to show up for, and I want you to know which episodes have been the most listened to. You may just learn that others are right where you are, and that you are not alone in struggling with the same things. Thank you for your love, support, shares, and reviews. Here’s to the next 100! To work with me, schedule a 1-1 call to see if my upcoming Know in 90 group is right f...
Oct 08, 2022•35 min•Ep. 100
A question I get asked a lot is, “Will it always hurt?” For most people, infidelity is one of life's experiences that can shake up your very foundation. It can be hard to imagine a time when it doesn't hurt every day. In this episode, I share not only the good news that you won’t always hurt, but steps to take to make sure you don’t. Your healing does not have to be outsourced to anyone but you -- you can do things right now that will help you feel peace, calm, and start healing your heart. Plea...
Sep 23, 2022•19 min•Ep. 99
When you think of the future, do you feel a sense of foreboding, or hope? Much of what you anticipate can be traced to past, unresolved experiences with your partner. In this episode, you’ll learn what probably happened and didn’t happen before the infidelity that is creating problems now. Once you understand what is happening and what you can do about it, you’ll be able to choose how to view the future and be very intentional about what you are creating. Please click the button to subscribe so ...
Sep 09, 2022•21 min•Ep. 98
After infidelity, it can be really easy to feel like your spouse owes you something. He needs to make it up to you, right? It makes sense that one might feel this way, but in this episode you’ll learn how this attitude can keep you from the very things you want most - peace, calm, and healing. Entitlement is also what can set some people up to cheat in the first place and keep them stuck after infidelity. This episode will be useful for both the one who strayed and the one who was betrayed. Plea...
Aug 26, 2022•16 min•Ep. 97
Validation is something we all enjoy as humans. We want to feel connected, heard, and seen. For many of us though, especially if we were shot down a lot as kids, we grow into validation dependence and have difficulty functioning if someone is not constantly telling us how great or right we are. In this episode, you’ll learn the difference between healthy and unhealthy validation, how to spot it in yourself and your partner, and how to strengthen your own sense of self so you won’t be as reliant ...
Aug 12, 2022•20 min•Ep. 96
Some questions that come up a lot with clients is, “What about sex after finding out? Is it bad to be intimate? What if I don’t want to? What if I do?” To answer these questions, I interviewed sex coach Amanda Louder. Amanda Louder is a Certified Life Coach who helps women from conservative Christian backgrounds love their sex life. She helps women embrace their sexuality to help them strengthen their relationship with themselves, their spouse, and God. In addition to being a coach, Amanda is al...
Jul 29, 2022•40 min•Ep. 95
A question I get asked regularly is about letting go - how to let go of the pain and hurt of infidelity. In this episode, I will cover things we hold on to, why we hold onto them, and how to let them go. You’ll learn how your brain is trying to protect you from future harm and what to do to quiet it down. Infidelity can be trauma-inducing, and the more you understand the ways this shows up for you, the easier it will be to heal. Interested in joining the August group of Know in 90 ? Come talk to...
Jul 15, 2022•22 min•Ep. 94
Shame. An emotion we all feel but no one wants to talk about. It’s heavy, all-consuming, and keeps us isolated and stuck. This episode is all about letting go of shame. First, you’ll learn about the origins of shame and how it often pretends to be useful. You’ll learn how shame sabotages our efforts to heal and doesn't allow us to see things as they really are. Want to know what the cure is to shame? Give this episode a listen and you’ll have real steps to take to manage the shame of your spouse...
Jul 01, 2022•33 min•Ep. 93
In the aftermath of infidelity, there can be a period where you wait and watch. Sometimes there is waiting to see how much initiative our partners take, and sometimes we are just waiting to feel calmer before we make big decisions. Either way, there are things you can do to help settle your mind during this space. In this episode, you’ll learn four things you can do during this time to help keep your mind focused on why you are waiting and what you are waiting for. Please click the button to sub...
Jun 17, 2022•16 min•Ep. 92
Do you ever wonder if you can ever really truly move forward from the darkness you are feeling? A question I get a lot is, “Can I really do this?” and “Will I ever feel normal again?” Yes, my friend. I promise. In this episode, you’ll hear the stories of four past clients of mine who have moved forward and are thriving. Some stayed in the marriage, some did not. But all are happy and doing well. There is hope, and they all did some things that ensured that they were moving forward from the stron...
Jun 03, 2022•23 min•Ep. 91
One thing I hear all the time from my clients is that they struggle with comparing themselves to their spouse's affair partner. It can get to the point where they can’t be in public with their spouse because they worry so much about what the spouse may be thinking about other women they see. It can be crippling. In this episode, you’ll learn why we compare, and how you can help yourself navigate it. Even though comparing is a very natural thing to do, you’ll come away with tips to help yourself ...
May 27, 2022•23 min•Ep. 90
Have you ever looked at a couple and thought, “They look so happy and in love,” only to find out that they had major problems and were going through divorce? It is likely that couple was engaged in a “polite” marriage. They may check all the boxes and genuinely look very happy together. They may show each other public affection and seem fond of each other. But there are likely issues underneath. In this episode I go through two different kinds of “polite” marriages and share the differences betw...
May 20, 2022•21 min•Ep. 89
Do you wonder if you are settling in your relationship? Do you feel shame and guilt when you think about it? In this episode, I clear up what it means to settle and help you drop any negative feelings around the idea. In real examples, you’ll be able to recognize if you have some things to shake up or if your job is to just keep going exactly as you are and keep trusting the process. Rather than looking for outward signs of settling, you’ll learn what it feels like inside of you, and how to fix ...
May 13, 2022•18 min•Ep. 88
Do you ever cover up how you feel and what you are thinking? This is called mind masking, and we all do it. In this episode, we’ll dive in to why we all lie, either my commission or omission. But some lies can be more blatant, deliberate and harmful than others. As deceit is a part of infidelity, understanding it is important. You’ll also learn areas you may not be being completely honest in. Lastly, you’ll learn how to spot lying and what to do about it. Please click the button to subscribe so ...
May 06, 2022•25 min•Ep. 87
