John Callas Filmmaker. Survivor. Author John's trauma began when he was 3 and his dad died. His sisters friend tried to rape him when he was 11, this deeply impacted his trust of women, and was solidified when his mum sent him to military school at 13. Once there, his headmaster took a liking to him and began grooming him, coming into his room at night. This was to continue until he was 15 years old. It was at that point he attempted suicide. John believes that 'You decide the thesis of your lif...
Aug 31, 2023•47 min•Season 4Ep. 28
Survivors Trusting your instinct is something we constantly need to revisit. It will be difficult, as we couldn't follow our instinct during the abuse, we were powerless children. Right there is the premise for not trusting ourselves as an adult! Quick tip: Before you make a decision on anything important; check in with how you feel. If you feel anxious or concerned, that is your instinctual response saying: 'Don't do it'. Go to our website (see below) for more information on resources available...
Aug 27, 2023•2 min•Season 5Ep. 24
Meet Emma Jane Taylor Survivor.Campaigner/Founder Project 9010 90 being the percentage of abusers known to child, the other 10 being the percentage of strangers, therefore unknown to the child. At age 9 years, Emma Jane was abused, and this was a one off occurrence. Two years later, her Dad left the family when she was 11. She was then groomed and abused by a family friend during her early teenage years. Her advice to survivors is simple: What makes you feel better is what you should do, it is a...
Aug 24, 2023•56 min•Season 4Ep. 27
For Survivors of sexual abuse: Feeling confident doesn't happen naturally, the fear and paralysis can be so strong, it can re-traumatise us if ignored. It is to be expected that we would struggle with people in positions of power and control and this is what underlies the abuse we suffered. Some things to try that may help: Establish clear boundaries Become more assertive Build a support network Practise self care Use grounding techniques Go to our website (see below) for more information on our...
Aug 22, 2023•5 min
Survivors at times: We feel blocked. There is a massive elephant in the room, because we know others don't want to know what happened to us, but we actually need them to, for our sake. Quick tip, try messaging before meeting them, to check in the temperature on you being honest and real. Go to our website (see below) for more information on resources available, and if you are looking for coaching whether survivor or supporter. https://www.handingtheshameback.org/ #childhoodsexualabuse #survivoro...
Aug 20, 2023•3 min•Season 5Ep. 23
Meet Greg Evans Survivor.Survivor Advocate.Vlogger. He survived Dilworth School, and the physical sexual and emotional abuse by teachers and older boys. He understandably had repressed these memories. He recommends to other survivors; Dont be afraid to open yourselves up to opportunities that may take away the pain. What helped him were finding creative outlets like, blogging and developing inner well being. You can reach out to Greg at https://www.facebook.com/dilworthsurvivors HELP NZ Sexual H...
Aug 17, 2023•55 min•Season 4Ep. 26
Monthly Tips for those of you Supporting survivors. Did you know there are 4 main Love languages and they include: Kindness, Spending time with, Physical touch or Gifts. Your survivor's love language may not be yours, as we are all different. But....By understanding what theirs is, you can start to use that with them, then watch them blossom!! Make sure to share yours as well, this will help your relationship like you wouldn't believe. Feel free to reach out for any resources including coaching ...
Aug 15, 2023•2 min
Survivors Feeling Triggered is something we will experience throughout our lives. This is especially hard in situations where we have to do an introduction to new people eg here is a couple things about me, so I've come up with a couple of things that may help navigate that. Go to our website (see below) for more information on resources available, and if you are looking for coaching whether survivor or supporter. https://www.handingtheshameback.org/ #childhoodsexualabuse #survivorofsexualabuse ...
Aug 13, 2023•3 min•Season 5Ep. 22
Meet Mekaela Nance Dog mum. Survivor. Musician She is from North Carolina, and the youngest of 4 children, the only girl. She was abused by her brother 5.5 years older than her. This began when she was 9 and even occurred with her other two brothers in the room. When she told her mother the response was: 'He wouldn’t do that to you'. Her message to survivors: Dont ever give up. You yourself and your future is worth every difficult conversation you will ever have. You can email Mekaela on mekaela...
Aug 10, 2023•45 min•Season 4Ep. 25
Survivors Its time to think about connection. Connection with people that matter: friends and family who know what you went through but don't know what to do about it or they know something, just not the full story, so struggle to understand you and your behaviour at times. The main point being, you must be protected, and resourced around them, it is not your job to try and make it easy or palatable for people to learn about your childhood abuse. Repeat that out loud. Go to our website (see belo...
Aug 06, 2023•2 min•Season 5Ep. 21
Meet Sam Troth Back again, this time walking the width of NZ to raise awareness for the male survivors of child sexual abuse. He is passionate, dedicated and motivated. Join me in supporting him! We are on all social media platforms: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HandingtheShameBack Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/handingtheshameback/ X: https://x.com/HandinShameBack YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@handingtheshameback TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@handingshameback LinkedIn: https:/...
Aug 06, 2023•53 min
Meet John-Michael Survivor.Athlete & Advocate John survived years of sexual abuse and grooming both within and outside of the home. He was Abused by those entrusted to get him to the Olympics, instead he became a trafficked teenager and was auctioned at silent bids.He states as a child: 'I cant tell you about the abuse, but if you ask me, I am free to tell you'. He also advises survivors that 'When you are lonely, and feel alone, just remember that is a moment in time, it will pass.' You can...
Aug 03, 2023•57 min•Season 4Ep. 24
Survivors: How and when should you tell your kids about your abuse? First check in with yourself, is this your need to share, or is it going to be helpful for your children? Under 16's I don't advise telling them anything in detail, you need to be age/stage appropriate. When they are older you can talk more freely, but remember, to them: you are their beautiful mum or dad and this will impact them. Go to our website (see below) for more information on resources available, and if you are looking ...
Jul 30, 2023•2 min•Season 5Ep. 20
Meet Lisa Cameron Mother. CSA Survivor. Warrior. Lisa was abused for years, from the time she was 2 years of age, until she was around 23. The abuse was far reaching and yet somehow she made it through. She believes that validating your emotions is important, and that they need to be felt. She also feels that grounding techniques work, and are valid as well. She can be reached on lisacameron829@gmail.com HELP NZ Sexual Harm Helpline, 0800 044 334 or text 4334, support@safetotalk.nz. Help Aucklan...
Jul 27, 2023•43 min•Season 4Ep. 22
Survivors: Let's Celebrate How far you've come and what you've managed to achieve . Look at what you are now able to do in your life. We tend to beat ourselves up for not doing enough, or that we should do more. STOP, Take the win, believe you deserve to celebrate where you are at. Go to our website (see below) for more information on resources available, and if you are looking for coaching whether survivor or supporter. https://www.handingtheshameback.org/ #childhoodsexualabuse #survivorofsexua...
Jul 23, 2023•2 min•Season 5Ep. 19
SEVERE TRIGGER WARNING. Disturbing Content - Viewer Discretion Advised Lake Alice Hospital, was a rural psychiatric facility in the South Island of NZ. Former patients suffered extreme abuse during the 1970s, including the use of electroconvulsive therapy and paraldehyde injections as punishment. With me are two survivors Malcolm Richards and Karilyn Wildbore. Their stories though harrowing are true and we at HTSB stand beside them, hoping you will too. The final panelist is Neil Harding who is ...
Jul 20, 2023•1 hr 4 min•Season 4Ep. 22
Before you launch into telling your children about your abuse, some valuable questions to ask yourself first is why? Why now? Who will this benefit? How can you do this safely? If the answers are more about you than them, you may not be ready to share this. If, however, it is the right time: here’s some things to consider: Before discussing this, make sure you have processed your own emotions and have a support system in place. It's important to be emotionally prepared to handle their reactions ...
Jul 18, 2023•6 min
Survivors: It is time to realise that guilt about younger siblings being abused, has no place in our lives anymore. If you had a younger brother or sister there is no way you could have protected them from the abuse. You, yourself were a child, and it was not possible for you to defend against what the adults had already chosen to do. You were a child they were in charge. They had all the power, you had none. Go to our website (see below) for more information on resources available, and if you a...
Jul 16, 2023•2 min•Season 5Ep. 18
Meet Chris Tuck Activist. Survivor. Author. Chris survived sexual abuse at the age of 9 and then again at 15. She also endured physical and emotional abuse while living in both her mother and fathers homes, where domestic violence was the norm. She believes that Survivors should honour themselves enough to take things at their own pace. Her website is: Charity website Http://www.survivorsofabuse.org.uk. Chris is also an author of two books: Through the Eyes of a Child https://amzn.eu/d/0D4YY9B a...
Jul 13, 2023•47 min•Season 4Ep. 20
Monthly Tips for those of you Supporting survivors. This month is on intimacy and sexual relationships, and the challenges that can emerge. Be real with the survivor about what your experience is, the gift of truth cannot be underestimated. At the same time try to be open to hear what the challenges are for your amazing partner. Feel free to reach out for any resources including coaching and books, by going directly to https://www.handingtheshameback.org/ #handingtheshameback #survivors #believe...
Jul 11, 2023•2 min
Survivors - We Need to: Give ourselves permission to struggle at times with intimacy and intimate relationships. This is a topic not often discussed as once again shame can be a factor. Because of the sexual abuse we endured; we can often feel triggered, sometimes even anxious and unsure. This is all perfectly normal. As soon as we can accept those feelings, and begin to work through them, they can feel less challenging. Have a listen here, and see if this speaks to you. Go to our website (see b...
Jul 09, 2023•2 min•Season 5Ep. 17
Meet Kane Brisco. Survivor. Dad. Husband. Farmer Kane was abused between 8-9 years old by a teenager known to his Uncle. He didn't tell anyone for years and wishes he had done so earlier. He believes if you can open the box you can start to heal, and the weight that is lifted is phenomenal. You can reach out to Kane through farmfitnz@hotmail.com or follow him on IG or FB at https://www.instagram.com/farmfit_nz/ HELP NZ Sexual Harm Helpline, 0800 044 334 or text 4334, support@safetotalk.nz. Help ...
Jul 06, 2023•1 hr 2 min•Season 4Ep. 19
Survivors - We Need to: Consider how we deal with Medical appointments specifically smear tests for women and prostate exam for men. Even going to the dentist can be challenging for us as survivors, at times. These appointments, by their very nature, can trigger us, so we need to be aware of how we want them conducted, for example; whether we want every aspect discussed with us, or if we prefer just to have a generalised conversation. There is no one size fits all, but we need to honour ourselve...
Jul 02, 2023•2 min•Season 5Ep. 16
Meet Jodie Herlihy. Survivor. Jodie survived 28 years of relentless targeted sexual abuse from her stepfather. Her son is the product and the most amazing gift, as a result of this horrendous, ongoing and targeted abuse. She feels that what helped her was forgiving herself, stopping judgement of herself and connecting with herself. Her advice to survivors is to unapologetically Just Be You! You can reach her on TikTok tiktok.com/@jodieherlihy and on FB @Jodie Herlihy OTHER To get some more resou...
Jun 29, 2023•49 min•Season 4Ep. 18
Survivors - We Need to: Start using our Minds It is the most powerful thing we have. There will never be a device or computer that can begin to measure up to what our minds can provide us. Start to use it in a simple way: Test it out. Simply visualise a butterfly appearing, then go about your day. Dont be surprised if over the next few days, butterflies start appearing everywhere, you go. Thats just one small example of how powerful your mind is Do it, it works! Go to our website (see below) for...
Jun 25, 2023•3 min•Season 5Ep. 15
Meet Shawn Wildermuth from Atlanta Georgia. Survivor. Author.Filmmaker. He was abused at 6, then again at 13 by his older brother. He believes that if you can break that seal of silence, by talking about what happened, it will make a difference to your whole life. He also encourages survivors to trust their instinct. He makes films that reflect his own experiences and tackle issues that need to be brought out of the shadows. His film “Don't Worry, I'm Fine” brings the brave stories of recovery t...
Jun 22, 2023•50 min•Season 4Ep. 17
Having your own back is sometimes hard for us as survivors. It can be difficult if we have been used to not speaking up for ourselves, and when we are more comfortable to keep the peace, and people around us comfortable or happy. Maybe its time for that to change, by gently understanding where it comes from.... Have a listen, it may just surprise you. Go to our website (see below) for more information on our foundation If you are looking for coaching whether survivor or supporter. https://www.ha...
Jun 20, 2023•5 min
Survivors we need to: Start using the words: I AM Anything added after those words can become your reality. Without thinking we so often put ourselves down and its not true, or helping! Lets change that up to I AM something, I AM powerful, I AM worthy. Lets begin from the inside out. We so deserve this, and more. Go to our website (see below) for more information on resources available, and if you are looking for coaching whether survivor or supporter. https://www.handingtheshameback.org/ #child...
Jun 18, 2023•2 min•Season 5Ep. 14
Monthly Tips for those of you Supporting survivors. Feel free to reach out for any resources including coaching and books, by going directly to https://www.handingtheshameback.org/ #handingtheshameback #survivors #believesurvivors Social Media Handles https://www.youtube.com/@handingtheshameback https://www.handingtheshameback.org/ https://www.facebook.com/HandingtheShameBack/ https://handingtheshameback.buzzsprout.com/ https://www.instagram.com/handingtheshameback/ https://www.linkedin.com/in/g...
Jun 13, 2023•3 min
Survivors - We Need to: REST Sometimes we keep ourselves as busy as possible so we are distracted from the reality of our trauma and the impact the abuse had on us. This means we are not living in our minds and not dealing with the feelings emerging within us. That wont help us deal with it, but equally it means we are not resting, and we need to: We can do this by relaxing, eg reading a book. But, we also need to give the mind a rest as well and the best way to do that, hands down is meditation...
Jun 11, 2023•2 min•Season 5Ep. 13
