Join Amie who is with therapist Kimberly Day as Kim announces the launch of her new website SAFE SPACE for those who are experiencing destructive elements in their relationships. It can be overwhelming to start learning about what's actually been going on in your relationship and when it's been destructive and down right abusive there can also be a lot of shame, which can keep many form getting help and talking about it. Kim Day has created a SAFE SPACE for women to come and explore the differen...
Oct 18, 2022•30 min
Last week Amie and Alana talked about empathy and different aspects of it with yourself as well as how to manage being empathic. Today they discuss how men in recovery can gain empathy and what that looks like, and what it doesn't look like. Men, this is a great episode to listen to and get curious about for yourself and where you might be in your journey to recovery as gaining healthy empathy is critical to not only recovery but a healthy relationship. Ongoing Courses: Am I In An Abusive Relati...
Oct 11, 2022•43 min
This topic came up in a group when someone asked us, “What if I have too much empathy – what if my empathy is coming back to bite me on the butt?” Empathy is so complex when we're talking to women in betrayal trauma. And even within this specific container, there are so many nuances: having too much empathy, having too little empathy, how betrayal trauma affects your capacity for empathy with your children. As we hone in on one area for the sake of starting somewhere, we encourage you to discern...
Oct 04, 2022•50 min•Season 3Ep. 6
Whether you're in a romantic relationship or not, learning to create psychological safety for yourself after trauma is a huge principle of healing. When we talk about betrayal and all the loss that comes with betrayal trauma, we include the loss of your central nervous system to PTSD, the loss of trust, the loss of your self esteem, the loss of emotional regulation, and the loss of safety. Many of us don’t even know that we’re in charge of our own safety, and since we didn’t have it in place bef...
Sep 27, 2022•35 min•Season 3Ep. 5
If you’re new to the work of Tony Overbay, we’re so glad to be the ones to introduce you. Tony is, among many things, a licensed marriage and family therapist and host of The Virtual Couch podcast. Today’s episode is a real treat, because it’s an interview with Luke and Alana on The Virtual Couch for a betrayal trauma podcast. In conversation with Tony, Luke and Alana share vulnerable insights from behind-the-scenes in their marriage – including their history with betrayal trauma and their subse...
Sep 20, 2022•1 hr 20 min•Season 3Ep. 4
When you experience trauma from betrayal, abuse and/or divorce, the first step is self care- caring for the self- your own wellbeing. Its more of our natural tendency to go the opposite- to take care of, to control, fix and look for al the things outside of us that we think are creating the inside chaos. We often justify, rationalize, and minimize our need for wellbeing, for time, 10 minutes of time to just be silent, still, center, grounded, IN and with the self. When we are in overdrive, we ar...
Sep 13, 2022•27 min•Season 3Ep. 3
If you think this is just for you single ladies, think again! You will all love this episode. but, yes all you single ladies this is also to give you a little preview of what you will be getting at our next DIVORCE RETREAT in October! Loni Harmon is amazing and so fun and will be one of our guest speakers at the retreat. Did I mention you don't want to miss this?! We’ve got an awesome bonus episode for you today, because we’re talking to THE dating expert, Loni Harmon. Loni is a licensed clinica...
Sep 09, 2022•37 min
In this continuation of our discussion on trauma bonding from last week, we’re bringing a second topic into the mix: over-functioning. Over-functioning in relationships is a pattern where one person tends to take on all the thoughts, feelings, and responsibilities for both people in the relationship. It’s a way of establishing a sense of control – a common result in cases of trauma bonding where the balance of control is disproportionate. A lot of times we miss the signs of over-functioning, par...
Sep 06, 2022•37 min•Season 3Ep. 2
We’re going to tackle a hard topic for our 100th episode today: trauma bonding. Many women don’t realize they’re either in trauma bonds themselves or they know someone who is. It’s a lot more prevalent than most of us expect. Let’s get some clarity around the term ‘trauma bonding’ and what it means, so we can better understand our relationships and experiences. What is a trauma bond? To quote Jourdan Travers, LCSW, “ Trauma bonds are the attachments we have with our abusers . It's when we have f...
Aug 30, 2022•38 min•Season 3Ep. 1
So many of us, mostly women, have a really hard time with loving their bodies. The world tends to work against us as well- even if well intended, many messages are offering this idea that our bodies are not ok and they need to be different. Many feel they have the wrong body or something is wrong with their body. We are constantly judging our bodies against others’ and now days, against social media. Today Amie shares 7 tools to help you lean into loving your body again, or perhaps for the first...
Aug 23, 2022•46 min•Season 2Ep. 49
When you have your next out-of-body experience of watching yourself scream at your kids, instead of waiting until they’re asleep to cry or sneak in their bedroom to hug them and kiss them and feel so much guilt… What if you gave yourself permission for mistakes and do-overs as a parent? What if we could make a mess and have the privilege of cleaning up our mess? Sometimes we show up in a way that we wish we could do over. It’s inevitable - we’re not perfect. Particularly as you progress through ...
Aug 16, 2022•24 min•Season 2Ep. 47
The Power of Processing and How It Can Help You Move Through Betrayal Trauma How do you know if you’re doing the work it takes to heal? One big aspect of doing the work and healing is learning to process what's happening and allowing yourself to feel all your feelings. But there can be some confusion about what that actually looks like - especially when it comes to processing versus venting. We're going to cover the main differences between the two, and how knowing these differences will keep yo...
Aug 09, 2022•10 min•Season 2Ep. 46
We know how important it is as a parent to connect with your child in order to establish a healthy attachment, create safety, and encourage them to talk to you when they’re facing unhealthy issues or addictions. So when it’s your partner that’s struggling with sexual addiction, it’s common to blame their parents or be frustrated with their parents, looking for justice or validation for the issues you’re now facing. We’re taking this opportunity to talk about some of the common thoughts our brain...
Aug 02, 2022•21 min
A question that comes up a lot in our women’s groups dealing with sexual addiction is, “Should I be talking to my kids about this?” And experts are divided on this question. Some sexual addiction counselors say you don’t need to involve the kids or disclose anything about infidelity. Others have the opinion that because it does impact the kids, they’re entitled to know at least some of what’s going on. Which just goes to show - every situation is incredibly nuanced. We're giving you some points ...
Jul 26, 2022•40 min
As much as we may want to, we can’t protect our kids from everything . They’re going to see porn, and their bodies are going to react, but they need to know it doesn’t mean they’re bad or wrong. Our job as parents is to bring these issues out into the open, talk about them, and not let them hide away to become a source of shame. Talking to your kids about porn can be tough. But no matter how old your kids are, having conversations around sexuality is important. Just know: you don’t have to know ...
Jul 19, 2022•31 min
In this episode of Choose To Be, we’re walking you through some simple tools and how to respond when you discover your kids are looking at porn. In this day and age, with the sexually saturated culture we have, our kids will be exposed to pornography. So when that happens, how are we going to respond? What will that look like? We are giving you the tools to handle this situation when it comes up, whether your child comes to you with questions or disclosures or you discover the behavior yourself....
Jul 12, 2022•47 min•Season 2Ep. 42
Amie and Alana address the issue of when your spouse or ex is emotionally hurting your children or disappointing them over and over and over, and the impact that has on your children and on you. A lot of big feelings come up when you see something affecting your children, and this can be a particularly difficult situation. Addiction makes it really difficult to connect with other humans, including your kids. You want to protect them, and you’re also trying to repair the relationship that could s...
Jul 05, 2022•31 min•Season 2Ep. 41
Join Amie and Alana in today's conversation around how to navigate relationships with your adult children when they don't see your healing work the way you do. Healing from betrayal trauma can be complex, and this shows up often when it comes to navigating your trauma with your kids. Do you ever find yourself trying to explain to your children why you need healing or why you are trying to have healthy boundaries? Do you ever fall into the trap of trying to get them to see your side of things? Wh...
Jun 28, 2022•33 min•Season 2Ep. 41
Today Amie interviews a few women who were apart of the Young Single Adult Dating and Self Empowerment Course. The messages these women have for you today is inspiring to say the least. They have been through their own traumas and trials and have learned how to apply tools and concepts to help them heal, move forward in their journey and have a whole new outlook on life. Sound too good to be true? Listen for yourself. They are truly inspiring women. If you know someone who is between the age of ...
Jun 21, 2022•38 min•Season 2Ep. 40
Divorce or not, how we navigate through our pain and our children's pain can be tricky. Today Amie and Alana continue their conversation with Mckenna as she talks abut her experience with divorced parents. She offers thoughts to teenagers and what she wants them to know. She offers thoughts towards moms and dads and what she feels would be Important for them to know. Not everyone will choose to think about their parents struggle or divorce is a blessing right now, we acknowledge that many can tr...
Jun 14, 2022•30 min•Season 2Ep. 38
One of the biggest fears many have when considering the divorce option, is how will it effect the children. Of course this is a fear, there can be a lot of impacts that this brings to the child's life. Yet we don't want to underestimate the resources that are available to help children navigate this as well as not to underestimate the children themselves. Everyone has a different experience and different story yet, sometimes it can be helpful to hear from the mouth of one who was impacted. Today...
Jun 07, 2022•44 min•Season 2Ep. 37
Join Alana today as she shares some helpful insight she learned in a recent training around healthy connection. Sometimes we think that when we are not in conflict with out partner then we are connected, everything is "fine". But that's not the case. Being intentional in connecting with your partner and others takes a lot more than just not arguing or negative emotions. Pain free relationships does not mean healthy relationships. Find out what this really means and how to create real healthy con...
May 31, 2022•15 min•Season 2Ep. 36
FILL
May 24, 2022•17 min
Join Amie and Alana today as they discuss the different aspect of change. Change in ourselves, change in our partners and why it's so hard when others aren't changing in the way we want. They also discuss how sometimes there is an expectation of the addict to have a personality change when they find recovery from their addiction. When this doesn't happen it can bring up a lot of emotions, so Amie and Alana tackle why that is. Change always starts with you and it's natural to have a resistance to...
May 17, 2022•38 min•Season 2Ep. 34
Last week Amie and Alana talked about DARVO and gaslighting so today they tackle the question, "How do I respond to gaslighting?". As always, where ever you are at in your relationship, even if you are divorced, this episode will be so helpful! Remember to please reach out to someone who is trained in abuse to help guide you through boundaries and other tools to navigate abusive behavior. Abuse is nothing to ignore or sweep under the rug so please reach out to someone safe if you are experiencin...
May 10, 2022•35 min•Season 2Ep. 33
We are re-airing last years episode for Mothers Day and wishing all of you a beautiful one. We know that many of you are also struggling this weekend and hope you can feel supported and loved from Alana and I. Wherever you are at in your journey, please know that you are the creator of it. You have that right and capability, and one of the main goal for this podcast it to help women step into that power of creation. You are stronger and braver than you perhaps realize. Wrap your arm around yours...
May 08, 2022•11 min
Join Amie and Alana today as they tackle one of our listeners heartfelt question around gaslighting. Recovery is already complicated and so when we add the piece of abusive behavior and character traits to the mix it can be even more confusing. We want to be careful how we use this word in relationship to addiction as well as address the reality that this is a key piece to real recovery. Deflecting and keeping from being found out is what addicts do best. Real recovery comes with a self awarenes...
May 03, 2022•53 min•Season 2Ep. 31
Join Amie and Alana as they wrap of this 3 part series on what recovery and healing look like, as well as what healthy relational behaviors look like. Divorced? Yep, this one is for you too. It's likely you are divorced because your partner did not do this recovery work. So learning what you have a right to expect and what it looks like will help you heal and move forward. Please feel free to send in your questions for topics you'd like us to discuss. send to chooserecoveryservices@gmail.com For...
Apr 26, 2022•52 min•Season 2Ep. 31
Alana and Amie continue their conversation around this topic of recovery for the addicted. It's tough to navigate as there are so many pieces to this. Hopefully today will help shed some light along your journey. the importance of being relational and what healthy looks like. Is the addicted taking steps toward being honest, seeking out ways to create new patterns of healthy, or are they minimizing and justifying their behavior? So many things to consider right? Amie and Alana have your back and...
Apr 19, 2022•39 min
Join Amie and Alana as they discuss the question of 'Is my partner in recovery?' Divorced? Yep, this one is for you too. It's likely you are divorced because your partner did not do this recovery work. So learning what you have a right to expect and what it looks like will help you heal and move forward. Please feel free to send in your questions for topics you'd like us to discuss. send to chooserecoveryservices@gmail.com For those who are interested in the webinar for young single adults on he...
Apr 12, 2022•29 min•Season 2Ep. 29
