Wondering how detachment relates to boundaries and why practicing detachment is so difficult? Listen close because in today’s episode we dig into the definition of detachment and how properly implementing this skill in our relationships will help strengthen them and our boundaries. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #53: Detachment cannot be practiced without boundaries because no matter how you choose to detach, a boundary must be set for detachment to succeed. It is important to recognize the peop...
Jun 05, 2019•33 min
This quick tips episode is officially called “What Not to Do On an Elevator Alone With a Woman,” but it’s actually a boundary rant. Speaking of boundary rants, I’ve been thinking about making rants a regular series on the blog. If I do, I’ll even invite listeners to call in with recorded rants about boundaries, and then play a few on the podcast. If that sounds interesting to you, send me a note! Biggest Takeaways From Episode #52: This episode was inspired by a recent experience in an elevator ...
May 22, 2019•17 min
Today’s episode is all about intuitives, empaths, and the personal energy boundary. If you think that sounds a little woo-woo or out there, I get it! If you immediately recognize yourself in the title, I get that too. More than others, this episode may not be for some people—but I think it will be deeply valuable for the people who do resonate with the topic. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #51: The personal energy boundary is our felt sense of another person’s energy. It might not be something o...
May 15, 2019•29 min
At some point, all of us will have experiences that require us to focus our attention on ourselves in an intense way. For example, an advanced cancer diagnosis, an accident, or shocking news may require you to go into extreme self-care. This is the kind of self-care I’ve been practicing for the last several weeks, and why there was a gap between Episode #49 and #50. I’m so glad to be back! Biggest Takeaways From Episode #50: At certain points in our lives, each of us needs to go into what Vicki ...
May 08, 2019•32 min
Has anyone ever told you that your boundaries are too harsh? Probably so! If they have, this is the episode for you. If you automatically believe your boundaries are too harsh, you will likely lead you down the wrong path. After all, getting pushback on boundaries is usually a sign that, at a minimum, you’re doing something different! It is possible, though, for boundaries to be over-the-top. You’ll learn four signs today that your boundaries have gone too far. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #49...
Mar 20, 2019•16 min
This is the first episode of the month, so it’s dedicated to the topic of women and boundaries. Specifically, this episode is a response to a listener’s question about being in a relationship with a man who suffers from mother enmeshment. If you haven’t heard of this term, this episode will clarify what mother enmeshment is, how it develops, as well as what you need to know if you are in an intimate relationship with a mother-enmeshed spouse. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #48: Enmeshment is a b...
Mar 13, 2019•46 min
*** Victoria has a NEW boundaries podcast! Click this link for Boundaries Queen .*** This episode is for anyone who needs to learn more about boundaries, but I have a special announcement today for listeners who are betrayed partners. The Friday after this episode airs, I'll be starting a start a five-part class: The Survive and Thrive Blueprint Live Online Mini-Course . Registration is open until February 28 at 11:59 PM! Today’s episode is inspired by a listener’s question about the role of bou...
Feb 27, 2019•38 min
Have you ever been given advice, suggestions, recommendations, or feedback that you didn’t ask for or want? Or maybe you tend to offer these things yourself? I was inspired to create this episode shortly before Valentine’s Day, when a blog follower let me know about a typo in an email I sent to one of my lists. Tune in to learn why giving unsolicited advice and feedback is problematic, how to determine whether to offer another person feedback, and what to do if someone offers you their unsolicit...
Feb 20, 2019•20 min
It's the first episode of the month, and that means we're focusing on boundary issues related to women. While both men and women can struggle with over-giving, women are particularly vulnerable to people-pleasing or saying “yes” to every request. Today, we’ll talk about five signs that you’re over-giving, and what to do about it. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #45: Most women will significantly extend — and overextend — themselves for others, but they may neglect themselves in the process. Think...
Feb 06, 2019•34 min
Has anyone ever told you that boundaries are selfish? Some people might claim that your boundaries are too “harsh” or “rigid,” or that boundaries are “wrong” or even “evil.” ( Yes, really!) In this episode, I’ll explore several explanations for why people might react this way, and truth about boundaries and selfishness. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #44: The least pathological explanation for why someone might think boundaries are selfish is that they simply don't understand what boundaries are...
Jan 30, 2019•16 min
This episode all about confidence! Confidence is more important than your experience, your credentials, what background you came from, or any other external factor or feature about you. That’s why it’s so important to protect it! Tune in to learn about five boundaries to help you increase your confidence. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #43: Confidence has a huge impact on how you feel about your past, your present, and your future. It’s often the only barrier between staying stuck or settling, a...
Jan 23, 2019•26 min
A question I get from time to time that always surprises me: “What do you do when you make a request of another person, and they ignore your request?” Assuming that you know that the other person heard your request, it’s painful to get no response. Today’s episode explores what to do if this happens to you. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #42: How you respond when someone ignores your request depends a lot on who you made a request of, the type of request you’ve made, and how important that reque...
Jan 16, 2019•29 min
Thanks to all the listeners for the great feedback and questions you’ve been submitting. This episode is a response to a listener’s question about the difference between demands and requests. Tune in to learn about the difference between the two, and whether it’s possible to create a boundary with another person without making a request. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #41: Almost everyone struggles around knowing the difference between demands and requests. Even if you feel you understand the di...
Jan 09, 2019•22 min
Thank you for joining me for the third and final part in my series on the complicated—but so important—listening boundary. If you’ve missed the earlier episodes, I recommend that you go back to listen to Part 1 and Part 2 . Today, we’ll move from what happens to you internally as you listen to how you may want to respond. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #40: When your listening boundary is working well, you’re not only filtering what you’re hearing, but also paying very close attention to your ow...
Jan 02, 2019•29 min
Welcome to Part 2 in my series on the listening boundary! It bears repeating that this is the most complicated of the four primary boundaries, and today, we’ll go straight into the heart of using this boundary in practice.* Biggest Takeaways From Episode #39: Listening with curiosity and the intention of knowing the other person better is the foundation for using the listening boundary well. The closer the relationship you have with someone, the more challenging it is to maintain a strong listen...
Dec 19, 2018•37 min
As with every first episode of the month, this one is dedicated to the topic of women and boundaries. But men, that doesn’t mean you should stop listening! This information will help men have a greater understanding of women’s experiences of safety, sensuality, and sexuality, which can lead to deeper connection with the important women in your life. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #38: There’s a missing link between a woman’s experience of safety and her sexuality, or between the experience of sa...
Dec 12, 2018•33 min
A listener asked for an episode specifically dedicated to the practice of the listening boundary. As I started working through what I wanted to talk about, I realized there’s too much to fit into one episode, so this will be a series. This is the first part; the second part will air in two weeks. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #37: The listening boundary is how we take in, filter, and ultimately respond to incoming information, whether verbal or written. This is the most difficult, challenging, ...
Nov 28, 2018•34 min
This week's episode is the second in a series I started last month— Boundaries Quick Tips . These short, laser-focused episodes will give you quick tips and tools for learning about, or upleveling, your understanding and practice of healthy boundaries. This Quick Tips episode is an answer to a listener’s question about how to identify needs and wants. You’ll also learn how to tell the difference between needs and wants. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #36: A want is something that is desired or w...
Nov 21, 2018•21 min
Ready or not, the holidays are coming! And today I want to talk about how to navigate this potentially tricky season with good self-care and better boundaries. It’s simple, but not easy. In this episode, I’ll talk about how the quality of your boundaries impacts your experience of the holidays, and make some recommendations about how you can navigate this season with more ease and joy. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #35: Adults have the right to decide how they spend their time, and with whom. T...
Nov 14, 2018•19 min
As the first episode of the month, this one is dedicated to the topic of women and boundaries. I’m extremely confident, though, that at least a few men will relate to this one! This topic is inspired by a listener’s question on how to get others to respect your boundaries instead of reacting with blame or shame. In this episode, I’ll give you tools and strategies to navigate these types of situations. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #34: When someone tries to send you on a guilt trip, you get to ...
Nov 07, 2018•30 min
Do you ever feel like you lose yourself in your relationships, or like you defer too much to what your partner wants to do? Or maybe you feel like you over-value the other person, and under-value yourself. In today's episode, I answer a listener’s question about what to do when you think you may have given up too much of yourself in a relationship. This dynamic can happen in intimate relationships, friendships, and family relationships. Sound familiar? Then this episode for you! Biggest Takeaway...
Oct 31, 2018•35 min
Welcome to the first of many “Boundaries Quick Tips” episodes. These short episodes will be laser-focused on tips, tools, and strategies for you to learn about while up-leveling your boundary work. This one will tell you exactly what to do when you get offended by what someone else does, or they get offended by something you did, or didn't do. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #32: If someone in your life has ever been angry with you for something you did, said, didn’t do, or didn’t say, or you’ve ...
Oct 24, 2018•17 min
Today’s episode is all about rest, rejuvenation, and boundaries, which absolutely relate to one another! I’ll explain why rest is so important and why it’s so difficult to unplug in our uber-connected, device saturated world. I’ll also give you some tips on how to truly rest and enter into states of being rather than doing, and why rest is crucial for health, creativity, and even productivity. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #31: To create spaces of time off—whether for a few hours or a few weeks...
Oct 17, 2018•22 min
Biggest Takeaways From Episode #30: Everything that happens to us is our private information. We get to decide when to share that information, how, and with whom. This is a good starting point for thinking about the topic of sharing experiences involving sexual abuse, harassment, or assault. There are many reasons that a woman might not share her experiences of sexual abuse, harassment, or assault. In today’s episode, you’ll hear about the eight most common: You were told that something bad woul...
Oct 03, 2018•28 min
This episode is inspired by a blog comment. I’m often asked how to communicate boundaries in a way that doesn’t hurt or upset the other person involved, or make them unhappy. However, creating boundaries offers benefits not only for yourself, but also for your loved ones. Today, you’ll learn four ways in which this can happen. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #29: When you start learning about boundary work, it can be almost impossible to believe that the important people in your life would have p...
Sep 26, 2018•29 min
There's been a lot of talk recently about free speech—specifically, news stories about a somewhat infamous media figure who was banned from several major social media sites. It got me to thinking about the limits of free speech, which is all about boundaries. In this episode I'll talk about why boundaries have a lot to do with free speech, as well as how freedom of speech operates in both physical and virtual space. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #28: Although each of us is free to say or do wha...
Sep 19, 2018•28 min
Today’s episode was inspired by a listener’s great question. She was completing a 5-Step Boundary Solution Clarifier , and while working through Step 1 ( Knowing Your Reality ), she realized she only had a hunch, rather than any hard data. She wanted to know if intuition, or a gut feeling, is enough to go on when you want to set a boundary. In general, the answer is “yes,” but you need to know some specifics before proceeding. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #27: Intuition is "the ability to unde...
Sep 12, 2018•32 min
As with every first episode of the month, this one is dedicated to the topic of women and boundaries. I was inspired by a recent incident in my own life that made me even more aware that there are stark differences between the way women and men perceive safety or danger, and their relative needs for safety. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #26: Boundaries are about protection and creating safety for ourselves and others. If women and men have a different perception about safety in general, their d...
Sep 05, 2018•42 min
What do you do if someone is trying to hold you accountable, but you don’t think you’ve done anything to be accountable for? What if you don’t feel sorry or remorseful for a minor mistake that you’ve made? What if someone is using accountability as a weapon and using it as a tool to blame, punish, or shame you? Accountability can be a confusing, complex, and messy topic, and this episode will answer all these questions—and more. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #25: When someone confronts you abou...
Aug 29, 2018•25 min
Today’s episode is all about The Politician. And no, not that one! No matter which politician comes to mind, I’m not talking about him or her. Instead, what I call The Politician is a powerful communication tool that politicians, pundits, and political operatives have all mastered, and one that you should too. It’s a simple tool, but a very difficult one to use. I’ll teach you all about it, and give you tips on how to practice it when you need it. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #24: The Politici...
Aug 22, 2018•27 min
