I don’t hear the term “TMI” (which stands for “too much information") much anymore, but it perfectly fits what we’ll be exploring in this episode. Some of us tend to share too much, while others tend not to share as much as we should. This episode includes a homework assignment you can complete after you listen that will help you figure out with whom and how much to share—using what I call the Zones of Intimacy and the Zones of Privacy. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #23: Sharing personal inform...
Aug 15, 2018•30 min
We all make mistakes or break a commitments from time to time—myself included. Just last week, I was supposed to release a podcast episode about women and boundaries, but it completely slipped my mind that it was the first episode of the month. When things like that happen, the key is to be accountable, plain and simple. Sometimes a simple apology is enough, but for higher-level broken agreements or boundary violations, you'll need a higher level of repair or amends. Tune into this episode to le...
Aug 08, 2018•30 min
For most of us, the line between secrecy and privacy can get blurry. If you’ve ever wondered whether something is secret or private, you’re in good company! Most people struggle to tell the difference. Fortunately, there are three simple questions you can ask yourself to determine whether something is secret or private, whether it’s your own information or information someone else has withheld from you. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #21: Secret information is intentionally withheld for the purp...
Aug 01, 2018•33 min
Do you have too much anger? Or not enough? If either of these are true for you, this episode will illuminate the many ways anger can be a gift. I’ll also explore the consequences of not expressing anger appropriately, and teach you how to own your anger so that you can make it an ally. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #20: Most of us don’t have a good relationship with anger. We usually experience anger at the extremes, or we're afraid of it. When you have a healthy relationship with anger, it bec...
Jul 25, 2018•37 min
Today’s episode is all about what's called “offending from the victim position.” It's such a crucial concept to understand when it comes to healthy boundaries that I am dedicating this episode to Pia Mellody , who coined the term. I’ll go into depth to explain what offending from the victim position means, as well as why it’s so problematic. I’ll also share some tips to avoid this boundary-less and problematic behavior. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #19: To offend means to cause to feel upset, ...
Jul 18, 2018•36 min
Today’s title may sound cryptic and odd, but by the time you’ve listened to this episode, I promise you will totally get it! I'll cover what is called the "internal boundary" using a recent event from my own life that will help clarify exactly what the internal boundary is and how it works. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #18: The internal boundary is the boundary that all of us have—or should have. When you experience an event or situation, you filter that experience through your perception and ...
Jul 11, 2018•29 min
I'm delighted to have Sheri Winston on the podcast today as my guest to talk about sexual boundaries! Sheri is a Wholistic Sexuality teacher and an award-winning author. In our conversation today, we’ll explore in-depth the topic of sexuality and boundaries, particularly for women—but also for men, and anyone in between. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #17: Far from being boring or bad, boundaries create freedom. If you have a hard time appreciating the benefits of boundaries, think about your sk...
Jul 05, 2018•54 min
When you take a moment to think about you, technology, and boundaries, don't you feel the guilt and pressure? Most of us have a love/hate relationship with technology, and struggle to create boundaries around tech. In this episode, I'll help you define your boundaries around technology and inspire you to own technology, rather than letting technology own you. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #16: When you hear the word “consumption” you probably think of food. In reality, you are consuming all of ...
Jun 27, 2018•41 min
This is the fifth of a five-part series taking a deeper dive into each step of the 5-Step Boundary Solution process. If you haven’t heard the episodes covering the first four steps, go back to Episode #10 and start there so that you can get a firm foundation for all five steps. Today, you’ll learn how to evaluate the results of your boundary work, and what to do if the boundary you attempted to set wasn't as successful as you had hoped. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #15: If the boundary you cre...
Jun 20, 2018•35 min
After last week’s episode on the topic of women and boundaries, we’re returning to our deeper dive into each step of the 5-Step Boundary Solution process. This episode will focus on Step 4: Taking Action. If you haven’t already heard the first three steps of the 5-SBS, go back and listen to Episodes #10-12. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #14: When you're planning what action to take, you need to know whether you have a contract (agreement) with another person, or whether it’s just an expectation...
Jun 13, 2018•35 min
The first episode of every month is dedicated to the topic of women and boundaries. Most women experience apprehension, fear, pushback, resistance, or even hostility when they attempt to establish or improve their boundaries. In this episode, I set the record straight about why it is absolutely not true that you are "putting up walls" when setting personal and relationship boundaries. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #13: Every time you set a boundary by saying “no,” you're saying “yes” to somethi...
Jun 06, 2018•36 min
Today you’ll learn about the third step of the 5-Step Boundary Solution process, Identifying Your Power Center. (If you haven’t already heard the previous two episodes, I recommend listening to them first.) Most of us have a conflicted, or even negative, relationship with power. Step 3 is all about identifying your power center. Tune in to learn all about power: what it is, its negative and positive aspects, and how to use it as you are developing better personal and relationship boundaries. Big...
May 30, 2018•32 min
This episode covers Step 2 of the 5-Step Boundary Solution process. If you’re tuning in for the first time, I recommend going back to last week’s episode to work through Step 1 before you dive into this show! Step 2 is all about identifying your needs and creating a vision for the outcome you want, so that you can get your needs met. It’s important to remember that the outcome you envision needs to be specific, measurable, and clear. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #11: If you aren’t aware of wha...
May 23, 2018•32 min
Today and for the next four episodes, I’m going to take a deeper dive into each step of the 5-Step Boundary Solution process. The first step, which is what I’ll be covering in this episode, is knowing and owning your reality. When you're working on any issue, you've got to start with knowing exactly what your reality is—what is true for you—and Step 1 will help you do just that. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #10: There are three parts to knowing your reality : identifying the data (or what happ...
May 16, 2018•27 min
In this episode, you’ll learn the basics of a boundary-setting process I created called the 5-Step Boundary Solution. The 5-Step Boundary Solution (5-SBS) is a step-by-step formula that walks you through the process of identifying, creating, and maintaining healthy and effective boundaries. Although the 5-SBS process can be useful for boundaries of all kinds, it was created and is intended for use in adult-adult relationships. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #9: The five steps of the 5-SBS are: K...
May 09, 2018•42 min
The first episode of each month is dedicated to the topic of women and boundaries. In this episode, we’ll dig into the topic of saying "no." I’ll talk about why "no" should be celebrated whether we’re saying it or others are they're saying it to us. We’ll also explore strategies and tools to help you avoid saying “yes” when you really want to say “no.” Biggest Takeaways From Episode #8: “No” is a complete sentence, and the ultimate boundary. It’s a hard stop, and is is a non-negotiable boundary....
May 02, 2018•35 min
*** Victoria has a NEW boundaries podcast! Click this link for Boundaries Queen .*** If you’re worried about making mistakes when setting boundaries, this episode is for you! I’ll share the six most common mistakes people make when they’re getting started with boundary work. You’ll also learn helpful, easy-to-learn strategies for avoiding these mistakes so that you can take your boundary work to the next level. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #7: There are six common mistakes in setting boundarie...
Apr 25, 2018•32 min
*** Victoria has a NEW boundaries podcast! Click this link for Boundaries Queen .*** You’ll learn about the kind of responses or reactions you’re likely to encounter as you start setting or improving your boundaries. We’ll also talk about non-negotiable boundaries—what they are and how you go about establishing them. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #6: When you start setting boundaries, or changing existing ones, you should expect that you're going to get a range of negative responses or reaction...
Apr 18, 2018•39 min
I return to our look at foundations of good boundary work, after taking a slight detour last week to talk about women and boundaries . You’ll learn four signs that you might need to set a boundary: feeling anger , resentment (or victim-anger), out-of-control, overwhelmed , or getting feedback from other people that you’re overstepping limits or are a chronic boundary pusher. Recognizing these four signs, and assessing whether you want to set a boundary, is a great beginning to developing healthy...
Apr 11, 2018•24 min
Every first episode of each month focuses on women and boundaries. Women are vulnerable in ways that men aren't, and the inherent power imbalances in society can contribute to women experiencing more boundary violations. I discuss why these imbalances exist, some of the inherent strengths women have and how those strengths can contribute to boundary challenges. I will devote the first episode of each month to the topic of women and boundaries—so be sure to tune in! Biggest Takeaways From Episode...
Apr 04, 2018•35 min
I cover the whole spectrum of boundaries—from boundary-less to walled off, including what boundaries look like when they’re in balance. Plus, I’ll talk about the difference between boundary ruptures and boundary violations and give plenty examples of each. Boundary ruptures and boundary violations can be traumatic, and in future episodes, I’ll be going into detail about how to respond when someone breaks an agreement with you or violates a boundary. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #3: To understa...
Mar 28, 2018•30 min
*** Victoria has a NEW boundaries podcast! Click this link for Boundaries Queen .*** Today I dive deeper into defining boundaries so that you can understand the different types and how they function. One of the most important concepts in this episode is that physical and sexual boundaries are non-negotiable—meaning a “no” to physical or sexual touch is not negotiable. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #2: Boundaries give you a sense of safety, create clarity, and help you make important improvement...
Mar 28, 2018•36 min
*** Victoria has a NEW boundaries podcast! Click this link for Boundaries Queen .*** In this first episode, I want to begin laying the foundation for you to create your very best personal and relationship boundaries. So many people are either uninformed or misinformed about boundaries, and I want you to have all the information you need to help you feel more confident about how boundaries work. Biggest Takeaways From Episode #1: If you’re feeling clueless about how personal and relationship boun...
Mar 28, 2018•34 min
