If you haven't hear the previous episode, go listen it's brief. This morning instead of the usual desired vanilla morning sex I crave after an intense evening, this morning my fantasy is gentle, non-sexual, a double rainbow cry how others can take me to see beautiful vistas, I desire to help support taking some chores off his plate~ Thanks for being here
Session was another intense experience, they kept coming. Mini share.
Wowie, not in tents but an INTENSE experience. For the mature. Part of the autism is my ability to be in and with fantasy. Connection with another not only becomes a shared experience and it shows me it wasn't a figment of my fanciful imagination! One day a gentle shared sleepy conclusion of an intense experience, until then I welcome and enjoy the experiences now. Thanks for being here~
Deepak Chopra said ego stands for edging God out. I'm in a dark night of the soul this time it's around my sexual shadow. This hurts, ego is very large here.
Refraining romantic relationships. I found a rick "Beware Advantage- if you take it, it is yours and all that comes with it. Otherwise leave it." I took it and have been receiving good or bad? It was an easy choice. Years ago I would've thought twice then blamed the thing.
How to say you like effing a girl but don't like her without having to say you like effing a girl but don't like her...I've started to learn to hold space when a negative thought arises. You try it, some personal growth. Thanks for being here I think I lost my oy! recording- bummer.
Witnessing the line of where I could give up. A disappointment, seconds before the phone date it was already over. I'm receiving what I am believing, at least if I continue to stay where I am at I will continue to get the same. Rejection isn't easy regardless if I'm receiving or delivering. Oddly I feel "love" rising to meet me.
Sexless in Seattle and I'm actually ok. One said he misses what I do and do to him. Another as we transition back to being just friends said my sex was like yoga and veggies. I took it as a compliment. Some eye exercises helps me get out of the panic attack. Thanks for being here.
Throat silliness. I lost 5 hours of time in distracted avoidance I recognized what I was avoiding realizing it was the urge to self sabatoge. He left a message he's returning soon activating an inner child, I see my coach this week. I consider this a win. A boundary I haven't crossed in almost a year.
In a rough spot I feel like packing my bags. Title is an Iron Maiden song, some lyrics spot on.
Just maladaptive old tools. I miss loving sex not loving it but sex that is loving.
This fantasy I have of deep connected sex with presence and awareness, dead? Sex on pause at least. There has to be another male on this planet that fucks like I do *and* desires deep connected sex with heart? A parent in hospice, part of my education in practice. My book, Anthology of cockworship 101 Swallows, I am going to another platform for readings with opportunity for live personal readings. The publisher was a scam- the good news the manuscript is done, bad news I'm out $800. I'm testing...
At 7:55 there is a brief noise disturbance sharing my dating disturbances. I won't talk badly about another just brief shares on my brief dating experiences. 2 irons in the fire fizzled. 1 remaining I have set boundaries for non attachment as he's not available. Play partner is missed been gone for the season and this has been a challenge for our dynamic. I went sailing and publishing a book in the formating phase- the book ;) Thanks for being here~
A lonely night she had some deep thoughts. Familiarity keeps company even if it's ill met. Trauma tied.
A break in the depression and I decide to do a brief reading.
Lots of changes im being challenged. Great listen if you hate me. And yet, I'm resilient. I know the day after my worst looks better.
I was so lost. Off centered. Weekend was rough. Returning home I felt I dropped. I am ready. Am I ready? I know to not decide anything in this condition. When I feel a need to cling to other, a monogamous hunger, means I am not centered. Hug trees and cried.
I'm doing the opposite today of being depressed. What does me laughing and loving look like again? Just fucking doing it.
Buddhist meditation/study weekend is here. Meditating for 7 hours a day, I'm experiencing hurt physically, mentally, emotionally. Have you sat for so long? I just left a session.
Wanting to wall up my heart, I sit with this discomfort. I'm not afraid of feeling this, you need not be afraid for me. Just sit and be with me while I watch this discomfort pass. I am okay with silence too, are you? If not, I have enough calm for two.
Lol
Ef ego. Showing up like the Predator, you know from the movie. Outsmarting me thinking I'm dating doing fun experiments when same people, not available; surprise. I am tired of carrying that.
Email correction bcomingundone@gmail Difference between a really good bj from someone that's "meh",not your type vs. a "meh" decent bj from someone you love/care about.
Dreamt I gave a workshop about nre. New relationship energy- the phase that keeps us easily interested in other, the sexy sex in the relationship will never get better than this phase- just the tip, lightly and briefly tap into it and likely it won't run dry.
Feeling a bit lonely doing an 8 hour class online instead of turkey day. Instead breathe with me. Asmr maybe?
Internal work and shadow is being exposed. Intimacy coach is helping me recognize. Surprisingly I do not cry in this episode (I've learned to grieve gently and briefly daily to lighten the loads). What does your internal reflection look like? What does that container for reflection look like? Gentle permission. Get and give back to me...
Fearful avoidant activated during an emotional hangover after a coaching session. Early buzzing in the audio when phone buzzed/vibrated.
Give me a sign you've received and enjoyed this, with Mmmmmemories of my last Halloween, I was mmmmmmoved to create a little treat, it's not a trick! Purrrre entertainment purrrrposes of course! Happy Samhain! Happy New Year! Light the Fire To quench the dark Open the hearth To heat the heart Bring the good even love to the bad May your health, happiness and places you call home this year be the best you've had. Peace, prosperity and dare I include penis and pussy! Thanks for being here!
Oy! I stutter, nsfw, trying something out. Asmr play session #73
Asmr style~ late last night a return home and a good morning nuzzle, you're my safe space~ I surrender. (trial)
