Keep your hands, arms, feet, Pokémon and Blockbuster cards inside Mark's time machine at all times. And remember, every action has an equal and opposite distraction. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
For the price of one penny, you could have all the toy trains, crusty socks, and dead bodies imaginable! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Things are gettin' real saucy between Wade, Bob, Mark, George & Martha Washington, skating flies, briefcase puppies, and a whole lot of ketchup. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
I want million, you want million, we all want million! (Celebrity guest appearances by Bob's Dad and Benjamin Franklin.) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
When is this? Where am I? Who's asking me all these trivia questions? Why is that man putting a condom on a bullet? And why is that other man... BALD?! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Mark's life flashes before his very eyes, at the whim of Bob and Wade. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
The three founding fathers gather once again to re-evaluate the sacred text that is the "Distractible Constitution." Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Cloacas, buttholes, and toxic gas. That can only mean one thing... Mark's hosting! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
All of Wade's beautiful ideas... gone. Oh well, at least we still have kinky clowns, rooftop ninjas, and extra powerful bidets. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Dudes Innovatively Spell The Right Acronyms Correctly Tonight (Nailed it.) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
No animals were harmed in the making of this episode. Mostly because Mark doesn't know how to use a gun. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Wade gets himself canceled. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Welcome to the Distractible Cafe! Enjoy a nice hot cup of Mark's Finger Espresso or Wade's Frog Coffee, while relaxing in a chair that was assembled the wrong order by Bob. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Better keep your eyes open, bidets spraying, and reusable toilet paper wiping for this unbelievable easter egg. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Donate to the LA Wildfire Relief: https://tiltify.com/@tiltify-impact-fund/lawildfires. As the podcast returns: Mark recounts his evacuation, Wade still doesn't have a car, and Bob is... the host. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Pilot Captain Wade takes Mark and Bob on a flight across the country to gaze down upon the oddly named towns of America. And Russia. And Ancient Greece. Wait... Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
There is a fifth dimension, beyond that which is known to listeners or viewers. It is a dimension as vast as Mark's hyper-fixations, and lies between the surface of Wade's head and the summit of Bob's knowledge of phone cases. This is the dimension of distraction. It is an episode which we call... The Distractible Paradox. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
It's always the right time for Distractible. Except maybe while driving. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
New additions to the "Distractible Trigger Kit": a sandwich, a bowl of cereal, and un-torn wrapping paper. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Three! Two! One! We Failed! Oh, and happy new year I guess... Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Oh, by gosh, by golly! It's time for buying gifts for Bobby. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
[Insert description about Mark not having an episode idea here.] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Forget about video games, Mark bought a kilogram of WHAT?!?! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Have you heard of the Mark of Theseus? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
If you're having extreme tech issues or dropping your used prophylactics in restaurants… COME ON DOWNNN!!! You’re the next contestant on “The Cost Is Correct!” Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
There are two certainties in life: Mark will ALWAYS have obsessions, and Bob will NEVER be able to own a decent fridge. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Mark, Wade, and the Mysterious Ghost of Muyskerm climb the ranks by guessing the "Top Ten Things" in Bob's categories. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Together, we can Make America Wade Again! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Bob, Mark and Wade find out if what happens in Florida stays in Florida. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Never interrupt a pig during his 30 minute orgasm. NEVER. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
