¶ Kids, Role Models, and the Bubble
Okay , dads , welcome back . Picture this your kid is sprinting around in the living room wearing a Tyreek Hill jersey , yelling I'm the fastest man alive . You want to cheer him on , but then you remember the headlines Suddenly . You're wondering do I say something , or should I just let him enjoy being a fan ?
Do you burst the bubble ? Did you break the innocence ? And if you do , you have to explain what those actions are , why they may be right or wrong or why they're considered right or wrong .
But it's not just the athletes , it's YouTubers , it's rappers , it's even Disney characters . So today we're going to talk about all of that . We're going to talk about when you should address it , what you need to do about it , or you just should let them enjoy being a kid . So stick around , all right guys . Welcome back to episode six .
Today we're talking about behind the jersey and what dads need to know about when their kids choose their role models or heroes . So , jay , we know that who our kids idolize right now , it can really have an impact on how they see the future and things that they believe are their truths .
Or even how they should act or be or the goals they want in life . But when does that ?
flashy , admirable lifestyle in their eyes , when us , as dads , need to step in and say , hey , let me just level set some things here . There's some things that this guy may not be your appropriate role model .
I think , as soon as you realize , maybe an attitude or behavior or something like that , it also depends on the guy , or something like that . It also depends on the guy . A star athlete gets arrested belligerent fighting cops obviously .
I feel like we're picking on one individual . It could be anybody . There's a lot of them .
I said sports , there's a lot of them .
I didn't say a specific one .
There's a lot , but a great athlete could be a great guy . But what my kid sees is this I'm lucky , uh , that my older kids and my , my youngest son , they all move on pretty quickly between heroes or so , like my youngest son . Originally it was tyreek hill and then he moved on and now now he's lamar jackson .
So , just like their attention , everything , everything's their heroes fade , and I've got . No , I've got no problems with lamar jackson , so I like him , his work , ethic and what he does .
He's talented we like lamar in my house as well . Yeah , he's , he's a good one , yeah , so we're gonna move into
¶ The Reality Behind Our Children's Heroes
q1 . We've set the stage here . We're going to talk about the innocent choice versus the adult reality and that difficult decision of when do we bring that reality versus just letting them be innocent kids . So you know , we've talked about a few of them . But the list of common athletes , role models , I mean we talk Tyreek Hill , we talk Antonio Brown .
Youtubers , I mean Jake Paul Blippi . I don't know if you guys have checked .
Blippi's background .
It's a thing , man , and the honest truth is , at least for my youngest , who's now nine , Blippi was on repeat for a good three years of our life right , I'm glad I missed Blippi you did , but as a three-year-old I mean that's .
They wouldn't pick up on that . They're not going to pick up on that .
They're not going to pick on the IG having a good time pictures .
That's true , but I hope not Go down the rabbit hole of Marvel and Tony Stark and Iron man . He's awesome and he's such a nice guy outside and he always helps out everyone , and especially kids , but if you were to actually read the comic books , he was a severe alcoholic and womanizer .
Yeah , and as a kid you don't know what that stuff is . I didn't know . I read the comic books growing up .
I didn't know what that was . I books growing up I didn't know what that was , I still loved them .
And I was just like whatever . I was a huge Wolverine comic book fan .
I was as well . I have a son named Logan .
You can't beat that . I mean , that's as legit as it gets . But he too was a drunk . He was a drinker . As it turns out , it didn't ever affect him , though , because it was metabolism he burned right through it .
But he also said some choice words for the comic books back in the day .
So what do you think our kids , or everybody's kids are drawn to when they determine like this is the person that I want to mirror ?
I think with my daughter . Originally it was music , it was , you know , pink taylor , swift , all of that .
Um , my oldest son , I think he kind of followed along with wrestling for me a little bit and then he went on his own , uh , but my youngest son is all about madden , is all about nfl and it's now it's you know the draft and seeing that everybody wearing chains and crazy suits and it's all money and everything's just money , flash and flash lights , flash lights
. But I think that's what drives it now . And I also I think they look down at that youtube and see how many followers somebody has that's the difference today , too , is there's an algorithm pushing these things .
Yes , whether it's by design or just happenstance , it's pushing targeted , targeted . It's pushing these things on whatever goes viral seems to be what's pushing Targeted , targeted . It's pushing these things on Whatever goes viral seems to be what's pushing it . So there's a manipulation factor that we didn't have , but maybe we did .
I mean , we didn't have as many outlets , but we had the TV .
Yeah , and we had .
Sports Illustrated and whatever they pushed , whatever they were pushing is who we were going for , right , I mean , like MJ , you can't convince me that he's not the GOAT , but outside of the court , not a good lifestyle .
No , I mean , and I don't want to come off as judgy , because we all go through things .
I'm flawed , we're all flawed and we've all done these things . But these guys just live more in a spotlight , where they're scrutinized more than anybody , and and that's kind of where the things is like well , this make them out too , that the kid's gonna be like dads , what is uh , what is this ?
I mean , at the same time you're looking at them , for they are looking at them for , like all the flash , the money , the cars , the houses , you also got to remind them that they are human , they are people , and people don't always make the right choice .
So we talked about attributes the talent , the fame , the bling , bling the humor .
I don't think we use bling bling anymore . Is that out ? I guess out .
In our arena we still use the bling bling . Okay , the kids these days , they just signed off , but we're going to use that the winning at all costs seems to be something that the kids really follow . Yeah , I think so too , Because in this culture that's all that really gets shown . You don't really get to see the losses .
No , it's the me culture , it's the me culture , it's the . It's all about them . Selfie culture where the camera's always on you .
Well , my son's very competitive and I don't know if that's from his mother and me being it's bloodline . Also very competitive , but everything he watches and everything he does is something competitive , so that could be who he's drawn to and that's where it really comes into .
You really hope that they pick up on the good that these people are bringing out , not the way that if somebody is really competitive but they lose really bad yeah like if they are terrible loser exactly , or you know . Conversely , if they are a terrible loser Exactly , or you know .
Conversely , if they bounce back or they , you know , take it in stride and be like yep , that one's on me being a good teammate . I remember seeing Peyton Manning I don't know how many times and Phillip Rivers , another great one , who did not curse on the field , he said dead , gumming a lot , but good guy , Family man , has ten kids .
My son just did a report on him for Alabama .
I should get him on the podcast .
If you're listening , phillip , subscribe my son's the one that hits you up to get all the information . And he responded . My son wrote him a letter and then my wife sent the school that he teaches at an email and he responded . Actually
¶ Deciding When to Step In
, my
¶ The Reality Behind Our Children's Heroes
son
¶ Deciding When to Step In
¶ The Reality Behind Our Children's Heroes
wrote
¶ Deciding When to Step In
him a
¶ The Reality Behind Our Children's Heroes
letter
¶ Deciding When to Step In
and then my wife sent the school that he teaches at an email and he responded Gave us answers to all the questions . And he was able . My son dressed up as Phillip Rivers for school .
That's awesome . It was great Way to go , phillip . That's the true role model . But speaking of true role models , what are the realities that our kids aren't seeing ? I want to say it's pretty obvious , but with the YouTube culture and Instagram , they actually have more exposure to learn things and develop their own opinions at a much earlier age than we did .
We blindly followed people , our innocence . Obviously not in . The benefit that we had is our innocence lasted longer , way longer , which is great , but that also means we need to explain innocence lasted longer .
Way longer , which is great , but that also means we need to explain things to them a lot younger .
Which is where that's going to be our struggle . That's where we're at , Because we feel like we look at it through our eyes . It's like hey , man , I've got until they're 16 to sit down and say these things , but the reality is they're probably learning about these things at seven and eight .
Yeah , I don't want to have to explain to them .
I'm like nine baby mamas is not a good thing , well I'll give you perfect example sitting with both my kids , who are all under the age of 10 , and there was a controversial thing that came up and I said , hey , hey guys , come here , I want to talk to you about this . Do you know what this is ?
And it was something that I would not think that they would even register . It wouldn't register to me until probably at least preteen teen arena . They're like oh yeah , dad , we know what that is . I was like , well , explain it to me . They're like it's this . I'm like , well , explain it to me . And they're like it's this .
I'm like , well , that's deadly accurate . I'm like , well , do you know why that's wrong and why you shouldn't do that ? And they're like , oh yeah , dad , we do . It's because this , this , this . And luckily they were right .
But I was like that's a pretty deep lesson that they had picked up and thankfully they had determined this was the path that they were going to go .
But now you also understand why a lot of kids in that same scenario go a completely different route , because it's your choice , your decision , your whatever you do , whatever you want to do , and it just completely takes out the raising .
But the yeah , it was the surprise of you completely ignorant thinking , but there's no way my kid knows about that .
And it hurt my heart . That was a level of innocence there that was lost because of something they watched on YouTube we can't monitor it no . So we're kind of going down a rabbit hole .
You could monitor it .
I mean you could , but then it's but then they're going to do something in spite .
Yes , my youngest son likes to do , spite things .
Yeah , so you get it back a full 200 percent . Yeah , whatever you've restricted , but they , they don't see the . I want to say like I'm having a different opinion . I want to say like they don't see the controversies and the poor decisions or the . But I I literally had my nine-year-old be like hey dad , why does tyreek hill have nine kids from three different ?
Like he asked me that and I'm like like well , first off , why do you know about it ? Do you know where babies come from ?
And stuff like that . Do you know ? Do you know , block one of this , yeah .
And I'm I'm quite frankly scared to ask that .
I don't .
Yeah , I'm in the same boat . Yeah , I mean , and were probably thinking the same thing and you were having these conversations too , so we're just we're airing it all out here .
We're not experts , we're just and if he's making the time to be with every one of those and being a great father , good on him , that's . I'll say that as a disclaimer .
But I'll just stack it against you .
Yes , first off , I'm not trying to just throw people under the bus , but reality is reality . Nine from separate ones . There's no way they get along . We'm not trying to just throw people under the bus , but reality is reality . Nine from separate ones . There's no way they get along .
We're not here to judge , but the fact that our kids are asking these questions about your lifestyle habits is where we're yeah where we're coming together . So I know all you dads out there kind of struggling with these same things , but it's not just him .
It's a lot of it's a lot of these things , other things , or maybe it's when one of their heroes goes through like a just consuming life event , like Tom Brady and his divorce .
Yeah .
That got very public , quick and covered in all angles Whole generations of kids . That didn't even know what one divorce was , that learned about divorce through Tom Brady . It's not his fault , it's the figure that he is .
It's the way that media is these days , in every facet of his life , and again that goes back to having to teach down to . They are still human beings . They still go through things , yes , yes , but you would never know that from the media , especially at the level of the internet down to .
They are still human beings . Yes , they still go through things , yes , yes , but you would never know that from the media , especially at the level of the internet .
They also don't grasp the cause and effect . The cause , like the decision , poor decision making and the results of that poor decision .
So I've got one for you , taking a little bit of a shift from the celebrity thing and more into the cartoon characters Disney movies , really , but in a lot of different arenas there's other companies that do the same thing .
I feel like there's an agenda out there that are pushing political issues , social issues , things that our kids should be protected from yeah , they shouldn't be involved in doing it in an innocent manner that our kids are like .
They're removing the ability for a parent to parent Right and however you want to parent , that's up to you , because you're the parent and that's whatever you want to inject . I'll leave that to you . I'm not going to sit here and tell you right or wrong . That's not my job . There's right , right ways to parent .
Obviously there's wrong ways to do it , but I don't need a globo corporate industry . Yeah , pushing agendas on my kids in manipulated ways in animation .
You know , it's very odd that that's a choice , that's a deliberate choice that someone makes , even like a remake of something that's already done . They alter it and change it and it's like what was the reasonality ? Oh , why and I'm not just talking about people and it just some of the words , some of the directions they push things .
There's no need for it , none . And the percentage of people that that would actually get to is so small . I get it representation . Somebody to watch something wants to feel like they identify with it , but 98 of the people aren't that they're not .
I don't . I don't need my seven and eight year old , six year old , five year old whenever the movie out , having a movie about a girl's period .
Yeah .
I don't need that .
I don't want to , because I don't want to explain that .
Yeah , there's going to be a conversation at the end of the day , I mean I know exactly what you're talking about . Everybody does .
There was multiple different ones we were speaking of . In that there's rant , but that one I I did think I did think that was odd and that's actually one of the lesser .
That is that I mean , at least that's a life thing , yeah , like that's gonna eventually . I could understand some justification , but I don't , I don't need that . And I know people are gonna say , well , just don't let your kids watch that look , hey , come on anytime a disney is promoted , your kids is intrigued Because
¶ Childhood Heroes vs Adult Truths
they know all about it .
It's shoved down their throats in ads . It's everywhere yeah .
So we talked a little bit about it . But should we shield the negative influences from our kids ? Do we step in at this point because we're ? We're quickly going down the arena of they're going to figure stuff out on their own . Yes , is it better to have parental guidance down that path ?
they have access to ask questions from the internet or ai anybody and get answers immediately , that we didn't .
And I think if we don't at least partially probe to find out where they are and how they , what their understanding is of a certain subject , and then I think then you take the action of whether you need to pop the innocence bubble or you just play it off and just move it to something else , and I really think it's a case-by-case basis and you have to really
take into account you know how you felt when your hero was crushed and it wasn't the perfect person in the world that was yeah invulnerable . Yeah , so you , you have to take that seriously . But but at the same time I don't want a constant DUI guy to be my kid's hero , because then I just go all right brother , it's okay to do that .
They're greenlighting that behavior .
Yeah , there's certain things . So one of the questions that we've gotten is would you let a kid wear a jersey of somebody with a checkered pass ? I think if it's like repetitive . Yeah , history or it depends on the act too .
Like if somebody is going to viciously beat their spouse yeah , or child , or child I'm probably going to be like we're not going to wear that jersey , we're not wearing that one More .
So because of not , because it's not that people don't make mistakes , it's right when , when my child is wearing that jersey , people are going to ask them about that , yes , and like I don't need that attention other kids will on you . Yeah , yeah , especially when they go around older kids , yeah , and then their heroes are kind of they're crushed in that it's .
It's a tough , it is a tough line , but we'll move on to q2 . But what I want to kind of transition here is what about me and you , jay , like when we grew up , what if our childhood heroes aren't who we thought they were which we did find out as we became adults , who they actually are ? And does that change how we parent now ?
Because it's the whole concept of you don't know what you don't know Exactly . And then you grow up and then you know what you didn't know , and then now you kind of go in this kind of time warp of were they always this way and I just didn't know . And does it change my opinion ? Yes , right .
Well , I mean usually if a father is involved in the family and there's a child or a boy , especially a boy , I'll say sometimes there's a child or boy , especially a boy , I'll say sometimes it's a girl . But I'll say I , like I was , my dad was my hero .
I get a lot of my personality from my father and my tendencies and I think because I watched him and mimicked him .
But throughout my lifetime , growing up kind of like my son , I started watching football and I loved Lawrence Taylor LT loves best defensive player of all time and I even watching football and I loved Lawrence Taylor LT , love him Best defensive player of all time and I even named my daughter Taylor . Can't beat that .
Well then you find out some of his past and you know he's corrected his way since then but , like , at one point in time he was wild . But I didn't know that as a kid , I didn't even know it when I named my daughter .
so what's the movie , little giants , when they bring him on to to have the talk , he's like that reason or no , it's the water boy , the water boy is that reason our next point ?
drugs are bad yeah , crack is bad . Yeah , exactly . And then I went through my military career and I think at every stage I thought somebody was a hero . And then I got to know where I thought a certain rank was untouchable , and then I'd be like hmm , you see somebody that was less than stellar and you'd be like , oh , that's tarnished , Never mind .
But it's a tough life to sit in , so we're already in Q2 , so we'll just keep going . It's a tough life to sit in , so we're already in Q2 , so we'll just keep going . But it's this theory that I liked them better when I didn't know what they were doing .
It's like why did the veil have to be lifted and now I Well , tinkerbell , sometimes you have to grow up .
Can't be a kid , I'm a real boy , okay .
Pinocchio . I really enjoyed the Mark McGuire Barry Bonds home run race . I did too , and I'm not going to sit there and say that I was naive even at that point to know that they had some special juice behind it . Yeah , maybe I didn't , but I don't think at that time that they I think people kind of knew stuff was going on , but they just let it .
That was one of the greatest competitions in sports history . Just let it ride . And then the Vales lifted and you're like , oh , these guys did all that and you're like , well , that sucks , but do I care ? No , I don't care , it was great . It's a race from history . Exactly , it was great . It's a race from history . Exactly , it was great .
I mean , I had so many sports heroes that I just really enjoyed seeing them play and I didn't even understand any of their off-field issues . And if you would have told me about it , I didn't know what that meant . So there's no reason even telling me about it . Yeah , because I would have no concept of what that actually looked like .
You know , I wouldn't know what an alcoholic meant .
A gambling addict .
A gambling addict I mean even like with Kobe , when he went through his thing like I was old enough to know them .
But as a kid .
I wouldn't have known .
I wouldn't have known , wouldn't have known , and that's you know I don't know where that all .
You didn't have a tablet that you could look that up and there wasn't a billion pieces of misinformation out there guiding you down one path . I mean the . The other thing , too is beyond just celebrities and heroes and kind of people .
I would put them in this kind of like other realm of they're just out there , right like this , people you're never going to meet . They're not family , they're just celebrities and cartoons and and all that .
But even even close to home , right like family members , right like everybody's always got that like fun uncle at , at the early parties that everybody , all the kids , are drawn to . And then , as you grew up , you're like there's a reason that he was always funny and goofy , he was doing things that he shouldn't have done .
Yeah , right , and it's that veil that's lifted when you you're like gosh that's , and then you go in this path of like . Were they always like that ? And I just didn't know any better ? But where it really comes into play is there's a feeling when it's innocent .
Right , that's joy , and it's gratefulness , and it's just , it's just if it makes them happy where do you draw , where do you draw it ?
Well , I think you can use it as a lesson too . This is , you can explain the truth Like this is the problem and this is why this is this way , and then follow it with not everybody's like this , not everybody's nice , not everybody's funny , just you have to . Again , it's a choose-your-own-adventure decision , case by case , because I don't want to , I want him .
I want now my son . My older kids are like they know more than I do , whatever , but my youngest tells me he knows but he doesn't know . My youngest tells me he knows but he doesn't know .
But I want him to have that veil of innocence and that joy of looking up to someone and being like they're amazing and not have it sapped . Yeah , and they're looking at them mainly for the right reasons . I think there are some behavioral characteristics that our kids I know there are that they pick up on . Yeah .
And that's when you have to step in .
Yeah , I mean we talked about loving watching him play basketball . Ja , Morant , you know , had gun issues right , so why are you out there on the court firing guns ? throwing grenades , like that's not something I want . The kid did it the other day . I was like dude , do you know what you're doing ? I saw it here . I'm like we're not firing .
We're not firing pistols . Yeah right , first off , I don't need you to do anything right . The right way to do something is nothing , right . I don't need you to be flashy . I don't need you to celebrate . Terry sanders , you want to sell ? Yeah , pick the ball up .
Act like you've been there before Pick the ball up , hand it to the ref , say thank you and run back to the hole or sideline .
But I also wonder too . Act like you've been there before . I love that . It's such a good . I love that . The older I get , the more I realized it's like it is timeless and it should always kind of the John Wood mentality , the Nick Saban mentality .
I know I'm a Bama homer , but outside of that the guy had a process , he had accountability , a way to do things , and if you started believing in yourself above the team , you lose . No , sir , you never will do anything . Nothing works without that .
I agree , but I do love that saying Act like you've been here before .
Act like you've been there before .
Even if you haven't , if you have to do that much celebrating , that means it doesn't happen that often .
And if you need to , because you do need to honor and you need to celebrate , let's go celebrate that one . Not everybody's looking yeah , and that's a that . That's a different thing . So it's just , it's a really different time right now .
Right , we don't want our kids to mature too fast , but we also don't want them to be naive and go through life get taken advantage of , or just you , or just modeling the behaviors of someone that they shouldn't .
So you mentioned something a little bit earlier which is kind of the shift here is there is opportunity , even when our kids choose what we would probably say not the ideal role model . We've mentioned a few . Life happens , we're human . We've mentioned a few Life happens , we're human , we all go through stuff .
It's that opportunity to really say hey , in whatever way we'll say it's age appropriate to explain these things . The human piece of this is critical .
Yeah , have to explain the human thing and you know somebody somewhere is doing a podcast about all the things I've jacked up in my life . I'm sure you need to subscribe to it , but no 100% .
That also gives them when things don't go their way , they make a mistake , they can model that behavior and the comeback story is how you come back from things is really and truly a good lesson in itself , but eventually you have to get to that and if you see , like a tom brady or whoever that struggles or does something and and they come back from it and
they stand back up , I mean , what better lesson is that ?
Do you think if your parents would have been authentic to you and forthcoming about the issues that they were going through at that time and they may have , I don't know they weren't , but Most aren't . Why would you right ? Yeah , Because it's the same conversation we have right now .
Same conversation we're having . Yeah .
Do you think that would change your opinion on them ?
I don't think so . I think I was pretty and even now I'm pretty thrilled to go blindly through that and never know whatever their issues were , because it didn't shape me , I was unaffected you know what I mean , Whereas other people maybe the opposite like because there was a lack of information or a lack of explanation that shaped them .
So I think it depends on the person . I think , again , people react to different things in different ways . Somebody's top tier post-traumatic stress is somebody else's tuesday , so you know it is I .
I don't know how to answer that question . Yeah , myself , because it's really . You can't answer that question as a 13 year old kid , 15 year old kid , 16 year old kid , because at that point you're totally reliant on a provider , which are your parents , and hopefully they are providing , right ? I know there's a lot of people out there that don't have that .
But if they are providing and you get through things , it's like , yeah , it was probably at that moment . It's probably better that I didn't know what was going on . But for the ones that kind of had their ideas about what was going on and knew that there were struggles going on , I think there's and we're getting a lot deeper .
They right , those kids may take that on themselves and then resent not being involved or not being able to or they take the blame Right .
It's about them , and that's really difficult and there's no good answer for that . I'm just kind of throwing it out there , the other thing , too , is this hard reality as adults that we get into .
It's that you've had this viewpoint your whole life about who these people were and at least who they were to you and then you finally understand everything that they were going through and even you understand that they're human .
It's this almost depressive period that you go through , that your innocence in that moment , even as an adult , yeah , it's taken from you because you realize that was he really this way ? Or was she really this way because they were , because they were this , or did we always have to do this because you know , aunt so-and-so was doing this ?
And it's that's the hard , kind of crushing reality that we , everybody goes through , that you realize that the people that you've looked up to everybody's got cracks in the armor . Yep , just like our kids are going to figure out that we've got major cracks in the armor .
I've got flaws .
And I guess that maybe that's more of that transparency that I'm getting at . It's like I don't .
I don't want to reveal too much to my kids too early , but I want to have a conversation one day where it's hey man , during this age you probably saw this , and here's what was really going on , because you're not too far removed where that could happen in your life .
And .
I need you to know what I did wrong , but I also need you to know what I did right , so let's share some things .
But it also takes . That puts you in a granted . You had kryptonite around you , Superman . It lets him know you're not invulnerable , but you also know how to come back from things . And you also are strong enough to be vulnerable , and I think that's fairly important .
You're strong enough to have feelings and try to do good in life , so that model is very important .
There's a time and place for the mask . Yes , but the mask has to come off at some point . At some point in time , if you wear that mask as a parental figure or a role model figure throughout the entire life . Even when people can see beyond the cracks , you are fooling yourself right , you're the only one .
You're the only one , you're fooling and then a lot of you'll lose a lot of respect . Yeah , and I . I there's just something about authenticity and vulnerability . There is and there's third and fourth order effects of that , and the timing is is critical . Because you do it too early , kids lose respect for you .
Yeah , you do it too late .
You look like a fool . You look like a fool . It's like well , Dad , we've always known this . This is not news . Yeah , we have known this for years and we were just waiting for you to fess up to it . Yeah , it's like wow , We'll talk about a talk about a kick in the pan , and dads of all ages I mean , you guys know what we're talking about .
So we'll get to , we'll take a break , We'll do the the halftime spill , but when we come back , we'll talk about our playbook as dads on how do we help our kids choose the role models and spot the difference between a good and bad example , and we'll even give our perspective on when's the right time to step in .
So take a break , then we'll be back All right . So we're back in Q3 . So now we're going to give you the Fit Fat Dads guide to seeing the good
¶ The Fit Fat Dads Guide
learning from the bad . Fit Fat Dad's Guide to Seeing the Good Learning from the Bad and Raising Real Role Models . So we've got some points that we're going to talk through on what we think that are probably ideal characteristics and things that our kids should be looking for in role models and how to help guide . And I'll kick us off with number one .
There's no true , greater role model in the house with a dad , a father , real father figure , than the actual model behavior that you put out there , Because your kids are going to mimic you regardless of whatever you're doing , the good , the bad and the ugly . They're going to do it all .
And mimic just to make fun of you .
I mean , it's the dad things . Dads are ripping gas left and right through the house right , and we do it in inappropriate things , upset our wives with it . We think it's funny . Our kids are also going to do that . When it gets a little challenging is when they do that at school .
Yeah , I got a couple stories that my son would not want me to tell .
None of my children would actually , so I will keep those to myself for you , but just know that we got them and we can weaponize those pretty quickly we'll wait till thanksgiving that's a good thanksgiving special episode , but they they learn more than just what we're doing physically Right or what we say .
That's a huge how we talk to our spouses , the things that we say how we honor them , and I'm not saying I'm the example , but I'm saying they're watching Mm-hmm and how we treat our wives , it's probably how they're going to treat theirs , and you can do it in a one or two ways . You can do it really bad and they can do .
The way that I'm going to do it is do the opposite . Right , congratulations .
You've raised a really really inadvertently raised a great , great husband for someone . It is they do Cause kids recognize it . They do , and I think my 19 year olds probably recognize a lot more about me now than they did at the time we were going through that .
Now I think they're like maybe dad , and there's times , as dads , where you just gotta play the role of whatever's happening .
The kids are just gonna have to know that , like I know that they're gonna see me as the bad guy yeah , I hope there comes a time later in life when we can sit down and talk and know that I wasn't the bad guy right , that's that's I got that a couple times so I'm pretty thrilled with that .
But I know , but you miss those so much in between you do and and it's that's a tough . I recently had some pretty good conversations with him , though , to where I broke down and I think this might be the first time they saw me cry and really told them how much I loved him and how much I missed out on everything and how guilty I felt because of it .
That's a good moment , yeah Well , I hope it was . It was good for me . That wasn't on the script , but we it's going to let the moment roast .
It's pretty fun , just free . Free form Get a marinate . Free form get a marinate in there . Wait a minute . There's no script involved in this , so we talked modeling .
What do you ? What do you think are some other things ? Uh , kind of like I coach a tackling drill there we go , especially with younger kids . Once they get older , I can just destroy them and I don't care , but with certain kids I point out something . They did well and I'm like that time you didn't trip over your feet .
Here's what I would need you to work on . So you know kids in the area . However , since we're breaking this , he did this , this and this . So human intends to do good things . Sometimes things just happen . Sometimes we make poor decisions in life and these are the consequences . So I think , really and truly leading with here's the good .
Here's what didn't turn out so well . It gives a good balance to that . They can apply , they can see themselves in that situation , or they can see what is going on and apply it to their life or their problem or whatever , because they can go oh well , this guy had this going on and he had this , but still came back . Does that make sense at all ? Or ?
you're using the bad as a teaching moment exactly and that's exactly while still focusing on that , it's still a good person .
And you don't know , because kids have access to so much information these days that you don't know whether they're telling you the truth and what they know about who they're looking up to . So it's a trust thing , but it's also you've got to be a parent .
What are they not telling us ? What are ?
they not telling us a parent . But I'll ask them . I'm like what makes you really , really want to wear this guy's jersey ? Right , explain to me everything and usually what they're saying , there's nothing that comes out negative . And I really try to deep dive my kids a little bit . Like show me the YouTube videos that you're watching that got you to this point .
Right , that's because they're . If they know that there's something fishy out there , they're not going to tell you but I'm like take me to the source , Cause we know we'll take it away . Oh , and if they won't take you to the source you got to do the dig ?
At least my kids haven't gotten adept enough to understand the search history that you can clearly go back and let's don't give away that . Well , I'll delete that out , but come on , man , like even still like that , that's time consuming for them , right , but that to me , that's , and they're my . you can say whatever as long as they're under my house .
I have that authority to do that you do , and that is a protective measure to see that they're not going off the rails . And I and I will look at that from time to time because I don't know . It's not that I don't trust them .
I don't trust the algorithm that leads them down to a path , and so far I'm content with with what they , and they do a really good job of policing themselves on that , and that , to me , is like I'm really satisfied that if they see something going down a wrong direction , they quickly know how to police themselves , at least in front of me .
Now we can all laugh at me later as the dunce .
But no , I see it because the same thing happens in my house .
I don't allow headphones when he plays video games so I can hear what he's saying and what people are saying to him , and he knows if I hear certain words or if I hear certain things , it's like you know and he's it doesn't matter what's going on , it doesn't matter if he's winning the game , he's got to exit it's absolutely , it's a , it's a boundary it is
that same thing with watching videos . Well , he'll be scrolling I swear he watches the same video over and over but he'll hit one and he'll have a not good word in it or not good subject in it and the first thing he does is did he see ? Did he hear ? Did he hear ? I don't move , I just go .
I heard it , that's that's so true , and my kids they'll get in front of it they're smart enough to be like , because I'm like you , I'll play that .
I didn't hear yeah , and I'll let it play out to see when they're gonna own up and be , like okay , right , so because they understand it's , it's a privilege , but we're kind of we're kind of getting off track here , but but the whole thing is is allow them to see the good . It's kind of step one .
And then two is let's , let's reemphasize at an appropriate time they're human . They're human and they're going to make human and have and have a good conversation .
Cause I think the worst thing that we can do is if you don't acknowledge the human element of this and you judge them exactly now , you're going down a whole other path of judgment , and I do not want my kids to be I I want my kids , if somebody's struggling with something , to be the one that goes up to them and be like man .
I really hate this for you . How can I help you get out of here ?
like show some love . In the same way , you and I want our children , when they get older , to not be like oh I hope my dad doesn't find out . Instead of , I better call my dad , he'll know what to do . Yeah , which is what we want . Yes , so it's .
You want that mentality and I agree with you , but that's that conversation you have to have , and a lot , lot of it is asking questions . A lot of it is just asking questions and listening and letting them go .
Which that's the point that you brought up without us even naming . That's the conversation , which is . Another key is how are you getting those questions out ? How are you sitting there and talking to them to understand why they are admiring ? Said individual but also understanding , when having the awareness to understand when the wool's being pulled over .
Your eyes and the accountability factor , but allowing them to come forth and like that's a huge .
Tell me why .
Tell me why talk to me about it and that brings us to the other point is it's all leading to discernment , which , if my kid even knew what that word meant , that would be a huge win good news is I looked it up before I started recording but discernment is such a huge key here , because discernment is going to give you the ability .
Now that everything's laid out in front of us , I myself know what I'm going to lean into as the example versus what I need to stay away from versus , and it allows you to kind of pick up at a place where you want to idolize . I like it's not a good word , but role model .
Look up to look up to but also understands that there's boundaries that I'm going to set forth , that I'm not going to get , and when people can just pull like that's the .
Have you ever seen these memes these days where it's like you know , the NFL is perfect quarterback and you may have , like , josh Allen's legs and and you know , peyton Manning's arm and and and not opposite . They'll give you the worst , but they like piecemeal right . All the best attributes of something and they'll do it for the worst too .
But if my kids can get in a way where they can piecemeal , all the best of everything and just kind of combine , then I'm completely okay with them wearing a Tyreek Hill jersey . Exactly , or I'm completely okay with them wearing anybody else that has that , because nobody's free from these things , but you can learn from anyone ?
yeah , you can learn how to act and how to be , or you can learn how not to act and yeah , yeah you could learn .
I go back to my point originally . If somebody is continually being just deterred and doing things , then then that's a's a like I'm a hard no on this person .
But that's when we roll into that intervention piece Right . And that's when we know okay enough behavior , how he speaks to people , how he carries himself or herself it just knowing when to go Nope , done , let's have a . But at the same time it can't be a forceful nope .
You're not following , you're not looking up to this guy , you know , because that's not how it works at all . If anybody with children know he's like don't do that , they're gonna do that , it's gonna go . So not threefold , it's happening . Spike kids .
Yeah , I've got one and that's the , the intervention intervention piece . What's another key element ? That's the . That's the point .
When it's almost like there's too much heat surrounding this person , that there there's more trouble coming out of this , then it's worth even this like our kid even diverting attention to , because there's there's just not enough good that's gonna come from this . Yeah , like this one thing guy could do one thing good and 50 things bad , like the bad .
It's almost like that whole scene it's a title live who you surround yourself with . Like you are the sum of your top five friends .
It's that kind of principle , like it is that stuff's gonna get through no matter how much , and you just gotta and it's gonna influence , absolutely is , and and all you got to do is go to a youth sports and see the kids talk trash and do the things that they see their role models do throwing a ball at kids , waving it , slitting throats yeah nothing gets me
fired up more and what's ? even like , but I but I've seen kids , but there's parents that encourage it , that encourage it and they do the same thing . I've had seven-year-olds and you have to come up to us as head coaches and do the slip throw to me and it takes everything I could to be like oh , you know , like .
I know you're seven , but also know that I could throw you across the field if you want to slip through .
Good news is , I always react very calmly when coaching Facts .
There's a whole nother episode that we'll get into with that . It's already out there but again knowing when to step in .
Knowing when to step in the intervention is key , which brings us to our last point , which is the encouragement piece , and more of this is it's how do you transition the things that our children are looking up to and kind of what I will call the mythology pie in the sky celebrity hero .
Right .
Kind of bring that home into everyday people that they're going to come in contact with , like , hey , I understand that you like you know Pat Mahomes over here and here's a good thing
¶ Building Discernment and Stepping In
Pat Mahomes does outside of just being an athlete , but your teacher does these same things .
Same things .
Right , or your coach does these same things , or your teammate does these same things , or your teammate does these same things .
So it's really bringing them into like a real life , these qualities exist , you don't have to be super human celebrity , pro athlete , you don't have to have an NIL deal right , you don't have to be making 800 , you know , $800,000 a mil or these days . Now it's like eight mil in your bag .
Yeah , you don't have to do that . No , you can . You can have good qualities just being a regular person yeah .
And you can be a complete turd and have all the money in the world yeah , but at the end of the day , what's what ? You can be broke ?
and be you can be , you can be rich and lonely .
Yep right and you can be broke and have all the friends in the world .
I'm gonna go over relationships any day I would do but pointing those things out in in their regular daily life . It does take the luster off of the sports athletes , the actors . Not so many actors these days , like when we were growing up it was a little more . Arnard schwarzenegger , uh .
Sylvester stallone , jean-claude van damme , like those are , like oh , but not so much these days .
You know where we went wrong . We got away from the uh 80s trading montage .
Yes , I love that we didn't speak about that . That would happen organically .
That was phenomenal the world would be better if we just had an 80s montage a good kick to a bamboo tree or some good 80s music . Running up a mountain with a power pole on your back in the snow that's what made us tough we're so wrong here on everything that we said today . If we just had an 80s training montage video 80s training montage video .
Assault all issues .
Take note , Hollywood Disney .
You can tell who our old mom was . We turned out okay , all right , so we'll go to Q4 and we'll wrap it up here . So really , if you caught the drift we kind of took the long way around to talk about , but Snowsuit Singh is a perfect hero On screen in real life .
We all have flaws , but I think , as dads , the example that we set one visually , who our kids are watching , but also how we help them navigate through this arena , of how they choose their role models , that's the most important thing that we can do and how we help guide them .
I mean , we talked about the human element , probably arguably the most important piece in all of this .
And the encouragement of it too , as well as intervention , is a pretty big key of stepping in when it's time yeah , I mean it's as we talk about on every episode .
I feel like we always have to have the answers I know and we never have the answer and that's part of the crack in the armor .
Surprise kids wait till you're there , turns out turns out you didn't come to with a manual that says turn to page seven here .
This is how you deal with this here it is , and but it's the honesty in that there is the authenticity that I don't have the answers . I can't tell you why so and so role model chose to do these things I . I can't tell you why henry ruggs decided to drive home after Topgolf , after a couple of bad decisions , and do what he did .
Yeah .
He's paying for it , yeah , and I hope he comes out better and learns and can overcome it . But those are the types of things that the reality of life is . People make really bad decisions that have really bad life altering consequences .
But at the same time there's great people out there that do great things . Yeah .
But everything has a learning moment and a coaching moment , and I think that's the main thing here is dads yeah , that's the main thing . Coaching moment Take everything as a coaching moment , hopefully something gets through .
It's coming up on football season . I can tell we're starting to drift right back to coaching again .
Da-na-na through . It's coming up on football season . I can tell we're starting to drift right back to coaching again . So , guys , that's pretty much it . We had one more thing . We did have one more thing , all right , so we'll close here and I hate to do it at the end . Hopefully you made it to the end , uh .
But we'll say this we do get your text messages from our audio podcast . Yes , ironically , we do not have a way to get back in touch with you . So we're going to , we're going to work with that provider to get that , but we have received your text messages saying that you guys are going through things and you appreciate the podcast .
So one we thank you for being a listener to really hate that you're going through those things and if there's anything that we can do to ever help , let us know . But the best way to reach us is to send us a DM on Instagram , at FitFatDadPod .
But just know , if you send us a message , we've read it , we've talked about it , we've even drafted up a response . There's no way to get back in touch with you . We've talked about it , we've even drafted up a response . There's no way to get back in touch with me . Not been able to send it . So know that we listen , know that we care .
There are better ways to reach out where we can reply , so please reach us on IG . That's probably going to be the best way .
That is the best way to reach us .
And , hey , continue to send those messages . We really do . Whether we can help or not , we're here to listen .
We'll jump in in the nick of time .
We may not have great advice , but we'll be with you in this path and journey , and sometimes that's really all you need . Just know that somebody else is with you doing the same thing , yeah , so keep reaching out . We really appreciate it .
We have actually heard from several , and I'm assuming dads right , may not be dads , but there's a lot of bro could be bro as it turns out , there's a lot of people in this space , yeah , and we're all going through the same thing and we don't have the answers . But we're just it's , we can chat about it . It's a little garage talk it's
¶ Final Thoughts on Flaws and Humanity
right .
It's a lot easier in life when you know you're not the only one going through the stuff and that's okay .
We'll turn on creed , we'll turn on some Nickelback .
Oh , I'm so thrilled .
We'll turn on , which is now a whole genre . Now have you realized that ?
Yes , I know , they call it it's dad rock , but it's really .
They call it divorce , dad rock , which .
I'm not celebrating . Did you hear about what they actually call it ? And there's a couple of playlists . What's it called Butt ?
Rock . I need the meaning behind that . Okay , so I had to do some research . I don't like where this is going .
I was offended immediately by a couple of my co-workers . I'm not going to say their names Kyle and Justin .
I love how you always reveal . I know .
But what I'll say is Back in the 80s and 90s , when it was radio stations , before there was actual , you know , podcasts , spotify and everything , apple Music , djs would go . And here we are on 96.6 Rock when we play nothing but rock . That's where it came from . Do you like my voice ? Nothing but rock . That's where it came from . Do you like ?
My voice , nothing but rock . What better way to close on nothing but rock .
Well , you learned something today . We'll include that . So again , appreciate you guys all taking the time to listen . Hope you learned something . Shoot us a message IM , dm , whatever , im , that's old school , that's AOL , but we've enjoyed it . We're out .