Episode description

How do you tell the difference between being selfish and practicing healthy autonomy? You probably won’t be surprised to hear that it’s complicated! The line between hyper-individualism and differentiation isn’t just blurry; it’s usually impossible to judge any action one way or the other without a loooot of context (and maybe even hindsight!).

To unpack this question, we have to dig deep into the culture of American exceptionalism, principles of ecology and community, and depth psychology’s lenses of duality and multiplicity.

In this episode, we talk about:

— The hyper-individualism and enmeshment spectrum, and the “bounce-back” phenomenon

— How to answer the “Am I The Asshole” question

— How America’s culture of individualism and exceptionalism impacts our relationships

— The challenges of balancing individual needs with community responsibilities

— Why context is crucial when evaluating "selfish" behavior

— How our personal histories shape our tendencies toward individualism or enmeshment

— The role of imagination in creating healthier relationship dynamics

— Why it's often impossible to judge a single action as selfish or autonomous

— How the stories we tell ourselves impact our perceptions of others' behavior

— The value of holding multiple perspectives when interpreting situations

— Practical strategies for moving from victim mentality to empowered creator

— The potential benefits of re-parenting work for those struggling with hyper-individualism

Resources mentioned in this episode:

— Playing With Fire Episode 142 Enmeshment: Are you over-functioning in your relationship?

— Playing With Fire Episode 108 with Mollena Williams-Haas

— Book mention: "Selfish" by Nakita Thigpen

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Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions