Episode description

⚠️ Content warning: This episode contains descriptions of abuse and intimate partner violence

This week, we’re talking about the protective effect of our gal pals on our health, our wellness, and our ability to survive and escape toxic relationships with crisis counselor, coach, author, and podcaster Stephanie McPhail.

We ask and answer: Why do we stay in the cycle of unhealthy romantic relationships, and how can our friendships help us break away?

In this episode:

* The role of social support in our longevity and happiness

* What to do if you’re losing a loved one to a toxic relationship

* How our *girlfriends* can be an escape route from these bad relationships

* How to take steps to make solid friendships

The Taboo

It’s extremely uncomfortable to tell a friend that their partner is potentially bad for them. We’re taught to mind our own business when it comes to other peoples’ relationships, even when we see clear red flags.

The Guest

Stephanie McPhail authored the book Being Love Shouldn’t Hurt and hosts the podcast Toxic Love.

✍🏻 Stephanie’s blog

🆓 6 Steps to Recognize + Overcome Toxic Relationships

Time Stamps

03:45 – Guest Introduction: Stephanie McPhail

05:35 – Why women ghost their friends in toxic relationships

09:11 – The Harvard research on relationships and longevity

12:46 – Isolation in toxic relationships

13:41 – Aside: Gaslighting

17:31 – Aside: Trauma Bonding

19:26 – Red flags of a toxic relationship

22:16 – How to support a friend in a toxic relationship

26:26 – Toxic vs. abusive relationships (and the gray area)

40:40 – How to reconnect after ghosting friends

51:55 – What’s in your bag?

Action Items

If you feel you are in a toxic relationship:

Listen to the whisper in your head (your gut knows)

Start reconnecting with one friend today, even if it’s just sending one simple text (“Sorry I’ve been distant; I’d love to reconnect”)

Seek external support (like a therapist or women’s group)

If your friend is in a toxic relationship:

Keep the door open ("You are always welcome, but your partner is not”)

Check in regularly (even when they pull away)

Offer a safe exit plan ("If you ever need a place to stay, my door is open.")