Q1 We have an anger epidemic In our society ...how does that effect nonprofits and my leadership? Q2 How can I tell when anger is damaging my leadership or my team? Q3 How do I step in without creating further escalation of anger or damage? Q4 With the anger epidemic, why do we need more than anger management or stress management. “Feelings are never buried dead, they are only buried alive.” Pure Anger - No or ouch! (Boundaries) Authentic Fear - Pay Attention (Cuing Mechanism) Healthy I Language for Dealing With These Conflicts - Offline one-on-one if fed by shame. Authentic Curiosity in other cases, don’t judge the anger, be centered what is underneath the agitation? Shadow - everything about ourselves we conceal or justify inappropriate behavior "Only pure anger is justifiable." Reactive Limbic Behavior - escalation, flooding and looping When someone is flooded - Fight, Flight, Freeze, or Faint Anger Management only works with escalation by doing a U-turn When Flooded - Stress chemicals in brain turn off thinking part and throw limbic system into overdrive. No conversation during this time; 15 to 20 minutes before discussion works How you can tell if someone is Flooded - Fight or flight response to calm rational question. Forgiveness - Behaving in the present as though I am no longer harmed by the unacceptable in the past. Q3 Answer - Understand the three flavors of anger, first are they flooded? If not, ask question following statement I can see you are passionate, what concern are you trying to draw our attention to that we have not addressed? What intention are you trying to address? If flooded go one on one instead! When You Are Unexpectedly Confronted with This Type of Behavior - Take a moment, take a breath, move into authentic curiosity. Do not assume I know. Level 2 “I notice I am starting to feel uncentered. I am wondering if I am the only one. Level three - I am not in a place to facilitate this discussion in a forward moving way. I am committed to resolving this. The Pleaser - Avoids confrontation at all cost. Storyline revolves around core assumption I am not enough. Intervention - Honest appraisal of what we experienced when people were emotionally honest with us. "Managing Anger is no substitute for Anger Prevention." Recycling Anger has to be handled by completion Parting Thought - Anger is your friend as long as we know how to recognize the four flavors, and the proper clarity and response for each of them. Great discoveries are possible.
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What to Do When Someone’s Controlling You or Your Board With Their Anger | The Nonprofit Exchange: Leadership Tools & Strategies podcast - Listen or read transcript on Metacast
