Jung has this great quote “Where love rules, there is no will to power, and where power predominates, love is lacking. The one is the shadow of the other.” The shadow of love is power in Jung's estimation. I look around the world and that sure seems true on a grand scale. And in our daily life, I think we *mean* to center love rather than power in our close relationships...but in reality, most of us struggle with power. We struggle to accept that we want unnegotiated power (entitlement) or W...
Apr 17, 2023•51 min•Ep 107•Transcript available on Metacast It's no secret that we started our relationship in a bad place. Together, we worked and learned our way from a painful, confused state to a conscious, growth-oriented, and gentle love. We transformed that messy, painful relationship by taking a page (several thousand pages, actually) from the world of kink. Kinksters regularly talk about power exchange--we think everyone should. Every single day Joli hears from people who don't recognize that unnegotiated power dynamics are creating suff...
Apr 08, 2023•47 min•Ep 106•Transcript available on Metacast If your monsters could help you live more of the life you want to live, would you get to know them, and invite them in? What about sharing them with a trusted partner in a thoughtful, conscious process? Ken did, and it made him cry, right here in the podcast - tears of relief for the possibility of realizing potential. We're talking about letting in our darker parts, and how much our lives can expand when we do. Do your monsters sometimes stage a take-over, hurting you and others? It happens...
Apr 01, 2023•44 min•Ep 105•Transcript available on Metacast Having a plan for when your partner goes on a date makes it way more likely that you will both have a positive relationship experience, no matter how the date itself goes. What goes into our plans? We've got three categories and lots of examples of things that help us and have proven to help Joli's clients handle the big emotions of date nights, so dig in! Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.com Looking for the Neuro-Somatic Intelligence tools we tal...
Mar 25, 2023•48 min•Ep 104•Transcript available on Metacast Bringing up non-monogamy can be a shock to your partner's system. But if you never bring it up, you'll never even know what's possible for you. Here's how you can plan for success and make this potentially shocking conversation an opportunity to upgrade your relational skills. Resources from this episode: The conversation guide: www.jolihamilton.com/easy Our video with tools for nervous system regulation: Neuro-Somatic Intelligence ™ for Navigating Change Are you ready to open yo...
Mar 11, 2023•37 min•Ep 103•Transcript available on Metacast Libby Sinback, from Making Polyamory Work joins Joli for a conversation about one of the BEST parts of shifting from monogamy to non-monogamy: community that supports your authentic self. More connection is why so many of us practice non-monogamy, but it's not always clear how to actually make the community we long for. Listen as we provide both inspiration and practical advice on how to find, create, and enjoy non-monogamous community! Learn more about Libby at https://libbysinback.com/ Hear mo...
Mar 04, 2023•1 hr 15 min•Ep 102•Transcript available on Metacast Is polyamory something innate in you, like an orientation? Is it a practice? A philosophy? A mindset? An identity? A choice? Being able to describe your approach to polyamory makes it easier to connect with others, build community, and choose partners from a place of enthusiastic, informed consent. Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.com
Feb 25, 2023•52 min•Ep 101•Transcript available on Metacast It's our 100th episode of Playing with Fire! This podcast was intended to be 13 episodes to cover each chapter of Joli's first book... and here we are with 100 episodes in and feeling more excited about this shared project than we ever dreamed. Every relationship benefits from a shared purpose (see episode 65), but so often, the shared project defaults to householding and/or kids. Proactively creating shared purpose beyond the banal is an option. For us, it's been a magnificent addit...
Feb 18, 2023•39 min•Ep 100•Transcript available on Metacast It's normal to want your relationship to feel secure. It's normal to want to individuate. It's normal to want to explore what life can look like beyond the constraints of default monogamy. But how do you actually deal with your specific attachment wounds and still create a love that makes space for multiple loving connections? Joli & Jessica dove into how attachment theory can help us make a relationship that actually works for us, but we went beyond the surface of attachment the...
Feb 11, 2023•54 min•Transcript available on Metacast Joli here- how many times have you heard one of these gems? You're a lot. You're intimidating. You're an energizer bunny. You're hyper-productive. You must never rest. You're just too much. Tell me, who are you comparing me to when you make this pronouncement? Ken sat down to talk out one of my core wounded parts, the girl who gets told she's intimidating in every way. It was good medicine for me, and I hope listening in offers the same to you. If you've been told you...
Feb 04, 2023•36 min•Ep 98•Transcript available on Metacast Does the thought of your partner being with someone else make you...hot as hell? You aren't alone. Though jealousy is often thought of as the LAST thing anyone would want in their life, that's not the only way it goes. In Joli's phenomenological research, 30% of participants reported sexual, juicy responses when they felt jealous. Turning the standard jealousy narrative on its head is a delicious opportunity- and in this very personal episode, we're talking about how working with...
Jan 28, 2023•40 min•Transcript available on Metacast Seeking open relationship bliss? Great. Us too. And all my clients. You're not alone. Every week I hear from at least a few people who want to know if they should try to open right from the start or whether they need to solidify their couplehood first. Everyone seems to have a strong opinion, and I hear a ton of FEAR that if you get this *wrong*, you're relationship is going to be so.much.harder. This episode hits a lot of non-monogamy hot-buttons, so get ready to consider things from mu...
Jan 21, 2023•40 min•Ep 96•Transcript available on Metacast Creating the relationship you really want begins with the ENVISIONING process. Plus, it's really easy to find yourself in relationships that don't fit right (but do feel familiar) unless you actively participate in the relationship envisioning process. This conversation is like being a fly on the wall of our relationship- Ken's sharing how he wound up in a marriage that was completely the opposite of what his soul truly longed for, and Joli's got some tips for how to get started ...
Jan 14, 2023•50 min•Ep 95•Transcript available on Metacast I (Joli) love romantic friendships. Ones that have a deeply intimate quality and the capacity to have honest conversations about boundaries and relationship agreements. Ones that feel soft, warm, and connected. But romantic friendships scare some people- it makes sense because they are one way we can live beyond the boxes of patriarchal convention. Developing romantic friendships takes intentionality and creativity... and it's totally worth it! There are two big takeaways at the end that wil...
Jan 07, 2023•45 min•Ep 94•Transcript available on Metacast This week we are sharing our most popular episode ever- this one is a not-to-miss! Relationship agreements might sound dry but the process of co-creating relationship bliss is NOT dry in the least. This episode is part explanation, part demonstration of how we review and negotiate the living document that is our relationship agreement. We found a hole in one of ours while recording that we need to address--No relationship escapes being a work in progress, including ours. Are you ready to open up...
Dec 31, 2022•31 min•Ep 7•Transcript available on Metacast Relationships are where we seek security, so making changes can feel particularly scary or overwhelming. Don't let this fear stop you from creating the custom-built relationship you really want! This episode is all about how you can shift your experience of opening up from fearful to hopeful starting today. How ready are you--right now-- to open your marriage? Take this 2 minute quiz and see!
Dec 24, 2022•31 min•Ep 92•Transcript available on Metacast "Why are you doing it like that?" Whether your criticism is about something as mundane as loading the dishwasher or as complex as managing new relationship energy, poorly timed, unsolicited criticism doesn't actually get us the connection we're longing for. Dr. Jessica Higgins joins us this week to offer clarity on what criticism is really telling us and what we can do to shift our feedback patterns. Watch this episode on YouTube Did you love Dr. Jessica's style? Check out ...
Dec 17, 2022•1 hr 4 min•Transcript available on Metacast Want a more expansive, custom-designed life? You need to take some risks and make changes. BUT--before you go committing to permanent change, learn exactly how to use one of Joli's most-trusted tools for minimizing risk while making exciting changes in your relationships. Watch this episode on YouTube How ready are you--right now-- to open your marriage? Take this 2 minute quiz and see!...
Dec 10, 2022•25 min•Ep 90•Transcript available on Metacast Relationships get stronger and healthier when you talk about them with your partners. For that you're going to need shared language and meaning, Learning the jargon of relationship styles is so helpful! So, here's how we think about relationship labels---open relationship, kitchen table polyamory, relationship anarchy, and lots more. As mentioned in the episode, for more information on relationship anarchy, read Andie Nordgren’s Relationship Anarchy Manifesto Watch this episode on YouTub...
Dec 03, 2022•1 hr 26 min•Ep 89•Transcript available on Metacast Do you wish desire just magically ramped up without any effort? It certainly does sometimes, but most of the time desire flows better because we actively FUEL desire. This week we're talking about the things that block your access to desire and what to do about those blocks. Desire does not have to be elusive, so if you struggle here rest assured it is 100% normal to need to learn the skills of building desire in yourself and in your relationships. Watch this episode on YouTube Link to the r...
Nov 26, 2022•56 min•Ep 88•Transcript available on Metacast Sure, it sounds fun, but is polyamory actually practical? And what if you have kids-- it's already tough to find time-- how can this work? What about STIs? Unplanned pregnancy? Or what if we find out we aren't a good fit anymore? When these big questions loom its helpful to hear from people who've been there, done, got the t-shirt. If you're new to polyamory this interview is especially well-suited for you! Laura Boyle, the author of Ready for Polyamory joins us to talk about how...
Nov 19, 2022•59 min•Transcript available on Metacast Conventional wisdom tells us marriage is all about compromise and we are not here for it. Honestly, conventional wisdom will, at best get you a conventional relationship... and if you are here you want way more than that kind of life. Let's talk about what compromise does to your individuation path, where compromise is appropriate, and how to choose an uncompromising intimacy with love and compassion. Watch this episode on YouTube Are you ready to have an unconventional love? Take this 2 min...
Nov 12, 2022•46 min•Ep 86•Transcript available on Metacast "I want to feel less jealousy and more compersion- HELP!" There's no one in the world who can speak to this topic like Dr. Marie Thouin, so we were thrilled to have this conversation with her. Compersion is the feeling of joy for another's joy, and it's often seen as the opposite of jealousy. Every week I hear people wrestling with jealousy and trying to move toward compersion, but what is compersion beyond that short definition? What conditions help us feel compersion and ...
Nov 05, 2022•56 min•Ep 85•Transcript available on Metacast It's totally normal to be moody, triggered, and reactive but it takes a TOLL on your relationships if you don't know how to get back out of those states. You perceive the world---and all your relationships---through your nervous system. Sensory information comes in and your brain interprets it. So it makes sense that learning how to regulate your nervous system is a key part of making your relationship feel safe and satisfying . This has all felt like a great idea for a long time but lea...
Oct 22, 2022•44 min•Ep 84•Transcript available on Metacast Do you experience jealousy as overwhelming, painful, or disruptive? How about envy? Yeah- most people agree, there's more pain than fun packed into these feelings. But, like other big emotions, jealousy and envy have are rich with gold you for your individuation journey. The trick is to begin seeing these green-eyed monsters for their archetypal content rather than as something to solve. Jealousy and envy won't necessarily become your favorite emotional experiences, but they can absolute...
Oct 15, 2022•1 hr•Transcript available on Metacast Do you want to grow into the most authentic version of your Self that you can be? The good news is that you get to choose that, and all you need is within reach right now. Typically, individuation is seen as a solo activity, a deep inner journey that often comes with an image of the hermit. But we've found that relational individuation is another VERY fruitful option. This week we are talking about what steps you can take to engage fully in your journey whether your life partner/s is/are int...
Oct 08, 2022•59 min•Ep 82•Transcript available on Metacast Do you want to explore non-monogamy? Are you curious about how conscious relationships can take you to new levels of growth in your psychological individuation? In Playing With Fire, which grew out of the Project Relationship podcast, Joli and Ken co-host weekly intimate conversations from the inside of a non-monogamous, individuation-oriented marriage. We’re sharing tools and strategies for making your relationship into one that helps you feel seen, known, and supported as you become the most Y...
Oct 01, 2022•33 min•Ep 81•Transcript available on Metacast Are your relationships messy? That's more than OK - learning more about your particular relationship mess by learning about others can save you a lot of time and pain. So we talked with Kate Loree, LMFT, a sex-positive licensed marriage and family therapist with a specialty in non-monogamous, kink, LGBTQ, and sex worker communities. She's the author of Open Deeply: A Guide to Building Conscious, Compassionate Open Relationships, and together she and Joli share their thoughts about their ...
Aug 28, 2022•1 hr 7 min•Ep 80•Transcript available on Metacast Burnout sucks, and it's everywhere. We talk with Jim Young, The Centered Coach, about his book Expansive Intimacy and about intimacy as the opposite of burnout. His book will be available this fall (2022). Check out Jim's website at www.thecenteredcoach.com . Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.com You can see the transcript on Joli's blog, a word from Joli...
Aug 21, 2022•1 hr 4 min•Transcript available on Metacast Visiting a pleasure-centered shop can be an inspiring and exciting experience for singles, couples, and moresomes. Beth Hankes from Earth and Salt shares how and why she decided to open her shop, and why it's so important for it to be an accessible, informative, supportive place. Beth Hankes (she/her) is the Founder and CEO of Earth and Salt, and a sex education certificate student at the Institute for Sexuality Education and Enlightenment. She has a BA in Art History and Studio Art from Mou...
Aug 14, 2022•59 min•Ep 78•Transcript available on Metacast 
