Do you sometimes use doing "the right" or "good' things as an excuse to then turn around and do "bad" or "selfish" things? There's a name for this - it's called moral licensing, and it may not just be messing up your goals, but possibly your relationships. The Willpower Instinct by Kelly McGonagal: https://bookshop.org/a/91754/9781583335086 Article on Moral Licensing: https://www.businessinsider.com/what-moral-licensing-means-2017-11...
Mar 28, 2023•21 min•Ep 88•Transcript available on Metacast In Part 2, Polysecure author, Jessica Fern and Libby talk about a very specific arrangement that relates to privacy/secrecy: the Don't Ask, Don't Tell (DADT) relationship. Together they discuss why you might want a DADT arrangement, when it can work, and when it might not. Polysecure books: https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-complete-polysecure-bundle-jessica-fern/19677933 Southwest Lovefest (use code 'go slow' for 10% off): https://www.swlovefest.com/events/southwest-love-fest-2023...
Mar 21, 2023•26 min•Ep 87•Transcript available on Metacast Polysecure author, Jessica Fern joins Libby to talk about a much-asked for topic, Privacy, Secrecy and Transparency. Together they share their own experiences, what they've learned, and how they advise people to handle sharing information. It can be tricky, but there are ways to make it easier! Polysecure books: https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-complete-polysecure-bundle-jessica-fern/19677933 Southwest Lovefest (use code 'go slow' for 10% off): https://www.swlovefest.com/events/southwest-l...
Mar 14, 2023•31 min•Ep 86•Transcript available on Metacast Libby shares one of her favorite tools for owning your ish when you mess up with someone you care about. Southwest Lovefest (use code 'go slow' for 10% off): https://www.swlovefest.com/events/southwest-love-fest-2023
Mar 07, 2023•21 min•Ep 85•Transcript available on Metacast Chaneè and Libby answer a question from a listener who identifies as asexual who asked about non-sexual polyamorous relationships. Chaneè identifies as almost-megasexual, Libby identifies as greyace/demisexual, so you can imagine that it is a RICH conversation. They talk about nonsexual partnerships, chosen family, grief, vulnerability and choosing the love that you want for your life. This one is not to be missed! Amatonormativity: https://elizabethbrake.com/amatonormativity Relationshi...
Feb 28, 2023•45 min•Ep 84•Transcript available on Metacast In part 2 of Libby's conversation with Akilah Riley-Richardson, Akilah shares her PRIDE model for supporting couples who are working to create safety and resilience in their relationships. Akilah's website: https://akilahrileyrichardson.com/ Relational Privilege and Sytemic Trauma Course: https://therapywisdom.com/relational-privilege-and-systemic-trauma/ Resmaa Menekem: My Grandmother's Hands: https://bookshop.org/p/books/my-grandmother-s-hands-racialized-trauma-and-the-pathway-to-mending...
Feb 21, 2023•33 min•Ep 83•Transcript available on Metacast In this episode, Libby talks with couples therapist and trauma specialist Akilah Riley-Richardson about relational privilege and how essential it is to create safety in order to find intimacy. (Part 1 of 2) Akilah's website: https://akilahrileyrichardson.com/ Relational Privilege and Sytemic Trauma Course: https://therapywisdom.com/relational-privilege-and-systemic-trauma/ Resmaa Menekem: My Grandmother's Hands: https://bookshop.org/p/books/my-grandmother-s-hands-racialized-trauma-...
Feb 14, 2023•42 min•Ep 82•Transcript available on Metacast In Part 2 of this episode, Libby shares her journey to getting clear on her values, figuring out how to act within her integrity and how that led her to find her way to true belonging. Braving the WIlderness by Brene Brown Southwest Love Fest (Use code "GOSLOW" for a 10% discount)...
Feb 09, 2023•39 min•Ep 81•Transcript available on Metacast Libby introduces a new season of Making Polyamory Work with a very personal reflection on belonging, fitting in, values and integrity.
Feb 07, 2023•36 min•Ep 80•Transcript available on Metacast Libby and Catherine of Expansive Connection answer a listener question about coming out to older kids. https://www.expansiveconnection.com/ https://www.expansiveconnection.com/enm https://www.instagram.com/expansive.connection.coaching/
Dec 06, 2022•1 hr 14 min•Ep 79•Transcript available on Metacast Libby reviews some of the biggest challenges that can show up around the holiday season when you're non-monogamous and how to navigate them without exploding an already stressful season.
Nov 22, 2022•34 min•Ep 78•Transcript available on Metacast LIbby talks about how important it is to talk about fears with our partners. How we respond when our partner shares a fear with us can make a tremendous difference in how we tend to them and ourselves.
Nov 17, 2022•14 min•Ep 77•Transcript available on Metacast Libby describes the phenomenon known as New Information Shock and how to handle it when you encounter it in your relationships.
Nov 15, 2022•19 min•Ep 77•Transcript available on Metacast If you want to make a good repair, there's one step that Libby wishes people prioritized more. Mia Mingus - The Four Parts of Accountability & How To Give A Genuine Apology: https://leavingevidence.wordpress.com/2019/12/18/how-to-give-a-good-apology-part-1-the-four-parts-of-accountability/ Repair Episode: https://www.makingpolyamorywork.com/episodes/slow-down-to-break-up?rq=repair Are You Checking Out or Checking In?: https://www.makingpolyamorywork.com/episodes/are-you-checkin...
Oct 18, 2022•24 min•Ep 75•Transcript available on Metacast One tool that might help you with rocking-the-boat type conversations.
Oct 11, 2022•20 min•Ep 74•Transcript available on Metacast Libby talks about why she likes agreements, what purpose they serve in relationships, and some things to watch out for when making them with your partners. Why Predicting Future feelings is So Difficult: https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20200825-why-predicting-our-future-feelings-is-so-difficult
Oct 04, 2022•36 min•Ep 73•Transcript available on Metacast Libby speaks about the Relationship Escalator, and talks about some ways she has found to step off it. Stepping Off the Relationship Escalator: https://offescalator.com/ Solo Poly: https://solopoly.net/
Sep 27, 2022•44 min•Ep 72•Transcript available on Metacast Libby is joined by Multiamory's Dedeker Winston to answer a listener who asks two questions: How do I know if I'm polyamorous? And, how should I go about dating if I'm not sure? Dedeker Winston: https://www.dedekerwinston.com/ Multiamory: https://www.multiamory.com/ Kathy Labriola's Jealousy Workbook: https://bookshop.org/books/the-jealousy-workbook-exercises-and-insights-for-managing-open-relationships/9780937609637...
Sep 20, 2022•47 min•Ep 71•Transcript available on Metacast Libby names the 10th relationship of a modern marriage: Food.
Sep 15, 2022•16 min•Ep 70•Transcript available on Metacast Libby talks about the costs of operating your time, energy, and attention at full capacity by default, and why it's worth considering intentionally having more downtime to recharge and also so that you have some room to push if there's a need or crisis. Happiness is Other People: https://www.nytimes.com/2017/10/27/opinion/sunday/happiness-is-other-people.html One Secret to Happiness: Relationships: https://www.thestatesman.com/lifestyle/75-year-harvard-study-1-scientific-secret-happiness-...
Sep 13, 2022•42 min•Ep 69•Transcript available on Metacast Did you know that marriage as conventionally practiced in the 21st century (in a lot of the world at least) is actually like... 9 different relationships. In this episode, Libby explains those 9 relationships, and how what marriage is trying to do is pack a whole village into one other person. She asks the question, what could we do instead that might work better? ----------------------- SHOW LINKS Marriage, a History, by Stephanie Coontz: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/291184/marriage...
Apr 19, 2022•32 min•Ep 68•Transcript available on Metacast How empowered are you in your relationships? Have you stopped to notice where you might be disempowered... or too empowered? In this episode, Libby talks about power dynamics and how important it is to name them if you want to have relationally-empowered partnerships. -------------------------- Libby is presenting at Southwest Lovefest Virtual Con April 24th! https://www.swlovefest.com/virtualcon22 Want help creating empowered relationships? Check out the Relational Nonmonogamy Circle. Next coho...
Apr 12, 2022•27 min•Ep 67•Transcript available on Metacast Do you know what drop is? In this episode, Libby explains drop, what it is, why it's rough, and what you can do to make it a little easier to deal with.
Apr 05, 2022•15 min•Ep 66•Transcript available on Metacast The relationship veto is a controversial topic in polyamory circles. Libby talks about what vetoes are, how they can happen without being called a veto, and how they aren't always a bad thing.
Mar 29, 2022•32 min•Ep 65•Transcript available on Metacast "Intent doesn't matter." That statement has cropped up in multiple conversations online and in person over the years. In this epsiode, Libby shares why that simply isn't true, at least not when it comes to a valued relationship.
Mar 22, 2022•29 min•Ep 64•Transcript available on Metacast In this episode, Libby speaks to parents of adult polyamorous children who may be having a hard time with the idea. SHOW LINKS: It's Called Polyamory: https://thorntreepress.com/its-called-polyamory/ When Someone You Love is Polyamorous: https://thorntreepress.com/when-someone-you-love-is-polyamorous/ The Coffee Break Primer on Polyamory: https://adapowers.medium.com/the-coffee-break-polyamory-primer-6c64b4dc53de This Heart Holds Many, My Life as the Nonbinary Millennial Child of a Polyamo...
Mar 15, 2022•30 min•Ep 63•Transcript available on Metacast One of the most important things in relationship is to act with intention rather than reactivity, but if we're so busy and distracted all the time, it's really hard to slow down enough to do anything but react when we're upset. Libby invites you to ask yourself this question, "Are you checking out or checking in?" Show Links: Your Smartphone is Making you Stupid: https://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2017/08/a-sitting-phone-gathers-brain-dross/535476/ Proactive vs. Re...
Mar 08, 2022•22 min•Ep 62•Transcript available on Metacast In this epsiode, Libby gives you her best tips for having awesome sexytimes with groups of 3 or more. CN: NSFW. Mature content, including explicit mentions of sexual behaviors in this episode. So um, you may want your headphones in.
Mar 01, 2022•44 min•Ep 61•Transcript available on Metacast Libby talks about the effect withdrawal patterns can have on our nervous systems, and how to navigate that if it is showing up in your relationship. -------------------- Find Libby on the web: https://libbysinback.com
Feb 22, 2022•33 min•Ep 60•Transcript available on Metacast "How could she ask for that?" is a phrase I have heard before. It's a phrase I've even said. But I firmly believe, it's okay to ask for whatever you want. The problem lies in whether or not your partner feels like they can say no. -------------------- Find Libby on the web: https://libbysinback.com
Feb 15, 2022•22 min•Ep 59•Transcript available on Metacast 
