If you were shrunk REALLY ʀᴇᴀʟʟʏ ᵣₑₐₗₗᵧ ₛₘₐₗₗ … would we be able to live? Did the documentary “Honey, I shrunk the kids” LIE to us?! Julian grabs his magnifying glass to learn Mor(anis). Meanwhile, Trace wants to know if … if the … uh, the … BLARG! IF SPEAKING A NONSENSE WORD can actually help! QUESTIONS Both questions this week are POLL WINNERS selected by our Patrons! Thanks for voting! Julian: "I've been shrunk down to 1.8 cm and left in a random suburban backyard; what can I do to increase m...
Mar 06, 2025•1 hr 2 min•Ep 72•Transcript available on Metacast Easter is around the corner, but where does that weird Bunny get all the eggs? And why are there eggs in the first place? Guest Yasmin Khan (The Young Turks) has an answer. Meanwhile, Julian explores the word of bat-style crime fighting on a budget and Trace explores if living on Mars would make us super aggro! QUESTIONS Julian: "How can I be Batman on a Budget?" from Wyn (featuring Jasmine from Give Directly ) Yasmin: "Where did the Easter Bunny get the eggs?" from Emily A Trace: "Would we all ...
Feb 27, 2025•2 hr 4 min•Ep 71•Transcript available on Metacast Can the sun be beaten at its own game… OF BEING A SUN?! Julian shines some light on it. Meanwhile, as he spends time on the science of the extremely large, Trace gathers data concerning the massive impact of 0s and 1s. Note: they are very very very very smol. QUESTIONS Julian: "How many lions would beat the sun?" from Daniel Trace: "How much does data weigh?" from Yael Do you have an absurd question? Maybe it's silly idea you had, a shower thought about the nature of reality, or a ridiculo...
Feb 20, 2025•1 hr 8 min•Ep 70•Transcript available on Metacast Happy love celebration week!! In honor of how much we LOVE our patreon subscribers, Trace and Julian answer two winners of our Patreon polls! It takes two 🎶 to make a dream come true 🎶 It just takes two — or is it three? What if it was three? Julian checks the math. Meanwhile, Trace (wait doesn’t that mean three again?) gets around in the animal kingdom, but not the waay you thiiiink! If you want to join the patreon go to https://patreon.com/thatsabsurdshow QUESTIONS Julian: "What if 1+1=...
Feb 13, 2025•1 hr 5 min•Ep 69•Transcript available on Metacast Space, the final frontier — of cuisine. This week Trace unpacks the standard food replicator used by the United Federation of Planets. Meanwhile, in Scene 34, Julian ponders of coconuts could actually find their way to Arthurian England vis-a-vis Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail. In both answers one COULD find yourself asking, “Where’d ya get the coconut?” QUESTIONS Julian: "What would be the most likely way that coconuts would be transported to Arthurian England" from Joshua Trace:...
Feb 06, 2025•1 hr 8 min•Ep 68•Transcript available on Metacast This episode Julian gears up for the last great race with an irresponsible amount of chihuahuas while Trace finds a use for AI that it might actually be suited for. QUESTIONS Julian: "How many chihuahuas would it take to complete the Iditarod?" from Loren Trace: "How many ChatGPT queries would I need to cook an egg?" from AJ Do you have an absurd question? Maybe it's silly idea you had, a shower thought about the nature of reality, or a ridiculous musing about your favorite food? If you want an ...
Jan 30, 2025•1 hr 19 min•Ep 67•Transcript available on Metacast Hey man, like, if you took all the drugs … like, all of them. What would happen? Would you die? I mean, like, that’s just your opinion, man. But aside from that, and we may be out of our element like Donny, but if you replaced as many body parts as possible with technological wizardry … how many parts would you have left? Would you die?! QUESTIONS Julian: "What would happen if all known drugs were taken at once?” from Rohan Trace: "How much of my body could be replaced with cybernetic implants o...
Jan 23, 2025•1 hr 18 min•Ep 66•Transcript available on Metacast For some reason Julian and Trace both selected Spider-Man related questions. We felt like two Tobey Maguires dancing down the street in perfect sync. Julian critiques Spidey’s famous swingy transportation, and Trace learns a lot from New York City* train nerds. QUESTIONS Julian: "Does it actually make sense for Spider-Man to web swing? Shouldn’t he run?" from Jaron Trace: "How much spiderweb would it take to stop an elevated train in New York?" from Brendan Do you have an absurd question? Maybe ...
Jan 16, 2025•1 hr 6 min•Ep 65•Transcript available on Metacast In this special end-of-year episode we pull Kyle out of his editing hole and the three of us talk through some of your best questions of the year! Thank you, thank you, thank you for submitting such incredible questions to us. We read every one of them, we see the new ones coming in every day and we want to answer as many as we can! We love you all, and look forward to another year of absurdity. 💕 ✨ MOST VOTES FOR FAVORITE EPISODE ✨ Pod 041 - Either you Iocaine or You 1-0-can’t FAVORITE QU...
Jan 09, 2025•1 hr 16 min•Ep 65•Transcript available on Metacast Happy holidays! This episode is… weird. Now, normally, we have systems in place to prevent this problem from happening. Somehow we failed. I swear this all happened exactly as you heard! We’re so cooked, y’all. Or at least… that chicken is. QUESTION "What is the worst way to perfectly cook a chicken? For example, could you place it a perfect distance from a nuclear bomb to cook it to temperature? Would the pressure of the deep ocean or maybe an impressive hydraulic press cook it like a pressure ...
Dec 26, 2024•1 hr 14 min•Ep 64•Transcript available on Metacast There's a quote attributed to Albert Einstein, "sit with a pretty girl for an hour and it feels like a minute; sit on a hot stove for a minute and it feels like many hours. That's relativity." There's no evidence he actually said this, but that didn't stop Julian from turning up the heat on his question. Meanwhile, Trace took the DNA from all his cells and strung it together end-to-end. How long do you think that strand would be? What if we took all the DNA from ALL the LIFE on EARTH?! There's a...
Dec 19, 2024•1 hr 2 min•Ep 63•Transcript available on Metacast This week, Trace delves into some temporal fantasies, like: why people think if they could travel into the past they’d become lords and queens, and not serfs or worse!? Meanwhile, Julian measures the terminal velocity of poo-poo and pee-pee in very tall buildings. Our show is so weird. QUESTIONS Julian: "If you use the bathroom at the top of a skyscraper, does your pee hit terminal velocity?" from Geoffrey Trace: "How far back in time could you travel and still fit in well enough to rise to pred...
Dec 12, 2024•1 hr 2 min•Ep 62•Transcript available on Metacast If you made a video call to someone on the other end of a very, very, very long stick would it be possible to poke them with the stick before the video showed them that you’d moved? Would this impossible, absurd invention move faster than the speed of light?!? Julian pokes around to see. Then, after a Spongebob-style “Meanwhile” title card… Trace grabs a clock and huh’s about why the hands don’t go counter-clockwise. Do they just go with the flow? or is there something else afoot?? Er… a-hand? Q...
Dec 05, 2024•1 hr 17 min•Ep 61•Transcript available on Metacast Happy Thanksgiving to the Americans! Super-belated one for those Canadians too, eh! And, for the rest-of-the-world… Happy Thursday! To give ourselves a little break to spend with our families on Trace’s favorite holiday we’re re-airing a very early episode of the show. Eat some food, tell your friends you love them, and we’ll be back with a new episode next week! In episode 6, Julian explores what would happen to a world without a moon, Trace performs a pedagogical project pertaining to placenta...
Nov 28, 2024•2 hr 30 min•Transcript available on Metacast Friction! It’s what makes the world go rou— No, wait. That’s not it. Friction. It’s what keeps the world from spinning off into spaa—- That’s not it either. Friction… It’s what keeps your shoes from being too slippy, but also, like, just slippy enough? *Sigh* Also, dog bark science. Enjoy! QUESTIONS Julian: "What would a perfectly frictionless surface feel like?" from Adam Trace: "How bad would a dog's bark have to be to be worse than it's bite?" from Grace (In a previous version of the show not...
Nov 21, 2024•1 hr 15 min•Ep 60•Transcript available on Metacast This episode Julian attempts to make jokes but only hears crickets, Trace turns LA into a flaming dumpster fire and nobody notices, and special guest Dr. Joe Hanson of Be Smart explains how being "just a lil guy" is a superpower. QUESTIONS Julian: "How do crickets hear if they don't have ears?" from Joe Hanson Joe: "What if it was survival of the "cutest" instead of the "fittest"?" from Gerald Trace: "What would really happen if a volcano (somehow) erupted under LA?" from Matt Do you have an abs...
Nov 14, 2024•2 hr 46 min•Ep 59•Transcript available on Metacast Fun fact: the dinosaur in Jurassic Park that spit acid on Nedry doesn’t exist! I mean, Dilophosaurus does, but it was probably a scavenger, not an evil piñata dinosaur. As long as we’re on the subject though, what if humans could shoot acid? What would that look like? And, as long as we’re talking about disemboweling humans … how many of their own internal organs does a person need to keep? How many transplants is humanly possible? Get these and more weird topics in this episode! QUESTIONS Julia...
Nov 07, 2024•1 hr 13 min•Ep 58•Transcript available on Metacast Happy Halloween, absurd friends! This time around Julian comes out of his shell to calculate the speed of a Kaiju snail (so much mucus 🤢). Meanwhile, Trace pulls out all the molars—uh, pulls out all the stops on his Fae business plan for TOUTHS Incorporated, The Uber for children’s teeth, and asks: Would That Solve Anything™?! QUESTIONS Trace: "What does the tooth fairy do with all the teeth" from Emily Julian: "Would you have to run from a Godzilla-sized snail?” from Kara Do you have an absurd...
Oct 31, 2024•58 min•Ep 57•Transcript available on Metacast It's spoOOooOoky season! This week we're scaring you with a giant pasta topping! 👻 Not scared? What if I told you it's a meatball made of EVERY HUMAN? Oh, did I forget to mention that crucial detail? What's more terrifying than a GIANT MEATBALL OF ALL HUMANS?! MWAHAHAHA! (Just imagine the ODOR.) Would something that massive have its own gravity? What would it be like? Julian frightens himself silly pondering this one. Meanwhile, Trace envisions a world where a video game mechanic becomes realit...
Oct 24, 2024•1 hr 11 min•Ep 56•Transcript available on Metacast In this wild episode, Julian infects your brain with the realization that plants can be VERY murdery, and Trace is driven NUTS looking for an elusive immortal animal. QUESTIONS Julian: "Why aren’t there plant-based diseases that affect animals?" from Isaiah Trace: "What food could you feed a squirrel to make it immortal?" from Trevor Do you have an absurd question? Maybe it's silly idea you had, a shower thought about the nature of reality, or a ridiculous musing about your favorite food? If you...
Oct 17, 2024•1 hr 3 min•Ep 55•Transcript available on Metacast This episode Trace tries to find the secret to happiness and special guest host Dr Rohin Francis swaps out blood for something with a tangy, fruity kick. Oh yeah! Oh no! QUESTIONS Trace: "Must we know a negative thing to understand the positive?" from Buena Rohin: "Could you replace all your blood with kool-aid?" from Allyson Do you have an absurd question? Maybe it's silly idea you had, a shower thought about the nature of reality, or a ridiculous musing about your favorite food? If you want an...
Oct 10, 2024•1 hr 12 min•Ep 54•Transcript available on Metacast We haven’t seen this many fireworks since the Rockefeller Center did that spectacularly wild “Salute to Fireworks” back in 2007. This time around, guest-host Ceri Riley ponders what if fireworks were a normal part of the weather? And Trace ponders the spirits of the great beyond. He tries so, so hard not to bring up his time in the Victorian Era. Spoiler: He fails, almost as spectacularly as those damn fireworks. Julian is off this week, so send him lots of messages telling him how much he’s mis...
Oct 03, 2024•1 hr 12 min•Ep 53•Transcript available on Metacast This is the episode you're looking for. This week Trace gets creative with an answer about unponderable ponderances, and Julian goes pew pew a lot with a poll-winning quesiton about Picard’s favorite weapon! We have a NEW HOPE that you’ll enjoy episode 52! QUESTIONS Julian: "What would a Star Wars blaster and/or ray gun be like if it could exist?" from poll winner, Nic Trace: "Where does creativity come from?" from Meredith Do you have an absurd question? Maybe it's silly idea you had, a shower ...
Sep 26, 2024•1 hr 26 min•Ep 52•Transcript available on Metacast Get your moisture sensors ready. In this episode Dr Alex Dainis slides into the scientific journals all about lubrication to understand the slip-factor of classic yellow bananas. Meanwhile, Julian argues with an actual, college educated PhD scientist about the wetness of molten lava. Is Julian actually… correct?! QUESTIONS Julian: "Is lava wet" from Marlene Alex Dainis: "What food would be a better substitute for the ol' banana peel slipping gag?" from Gerald Do you have an absurd question? Mayb...
Sep 19, 2024•46 min•Ep 51•Transcript available on Metacast You’re at a hockey game. You grabbed nachos and your favorite sports beverage. The Mighty Ducks are playing their rivals, and you look away from the ice to take a selfie with a selfie stick so long you have to brace it against your hip to snap the pic. You’re smiling with your crew, when a flash of white light envelops the stadium as the air catches fire. The noise is deafening. When you whip around, you see a hole in the stadium where the Duck’s goal used to be … outside the full moon is meltin...
Sep 12, 2024•1 hr 20 min•Ep 50•Transcript available on Metacast A rogue viking pirate planet hurtles through space looking for plunder and booty. The human race has become a destitute vampiric race obsessed with ancient sea shanties and frequent meteor showers. A whale in the North Atlantic hears a distant whale song from an individual it doesn’t recognize. It’s repeating a warning to stay away from a large metal ship moving through the area. Are these possible futures?! Find out on episode 49 of That’s Absurd Please Elaborate! SPONSOR This episode is sponso...
Sep 05, 2024•1 hr 16 min•Ep 49•Transcript available on Metacast Description 🎶 Game of Thrones theme 🎶 DRA-GONS. WHAT ARE DRAG-ONS? LET US KNOWWWWWW OR MER-MAIDS. FRICKIN’ MER-MAIDS… HOW THEY GOOOOO? PLUS JUUUU-LIAN WANTS TO CHECK ON MIRROR TRAAAACE HE THINKS, THIS MIRROR TRACE MIGHT BE EVIL TRAAAAAACE! 👏👏👏👏👏👏 Today in Pod 48 Ellen Weatherford from “Just The Zoo of Us” (family friendly) and “Spellbound and Gagged” (NSFW) joins us to talk out about dragons, scientifically correct mermaids and a possible Mirror-Universe Trace! 🤫 QUESTIONS Trace: "...
Aug 29, 2024•2 hr 17 min•Ep 48•Transcript available on Metacast Welcome to episode 48. Are you allergic to cats? When you visit friends does their cat seem to know (somehow) and roll up on you even though you’re ignoring it?! “WTF CAT. YOU’RE LITERALLY MURDERING ME,” you think intensely while sipping your white wine. “Wait, does the cat… KnOW?!” Trace pours himself a glass of that crisp white, and digs into the science. Meanwhile, Julian crushes the game and learns exactly how screwed we’d all be if every atom in the human body spontaneously went up one plac...
Aug 22, 2024•1 hr 13 min•Ep 47•Transcript available on Metacast For this episode Julian and Trace tackled the very uplifting and shiny topics of tornados and nuclear waste. No worries y’all! Everything here is so great! We’re not trying to lift giant building with natural disasters! No way! We’re not attempting to create a wild atomic disaster by throwing waste into an active volcano! HAHA Who would do that?! Cringe, right? QUESTIONS Julian: "How many tornados would it take to lift a skyscraper?" from Josh Trace: "Would dropping nuclear waste into a volcano ...
Aug 15, 2024•1 hr 24 min•Ep 46•Transcript available on Metacast In episode 45 Julian deconstructs the human experience without our boney scaffold, Trace calculates the detriment (or delight?) of doubling the derriere, and our guest Ben Bowlin (from iHeart Radio’s Ridiculous History, Stuff they Don’t Want You to Know) sings the praises of the American accent. QUESTIONS Julian: "What if humans no bones?" from Fabie Ben: "Why do we have accents?" from Cori Trace: "What would happen if we all had two butts?" from Super Surprised Pikachu Do you have an absurd que...
Aug 08, 2024•2 hr 44 min•Ep 45•Transcript available on Metacast 
