Episode 183: Creating Healthy Team Dynamics with the Enneagram

So you can break free from self condemnation, fear, and shame by knowing and experiencing the unconditional love, forgiveness, and freedom in Christ.

And specifically on this episode, we're talking about using the Enneagram to cultivate a healthy team and a healthy culture in the workplace.

Tragically, this is not a lot of people's experience when it comes to their team dynamics and workplace culture. According to recent research conducted by MIT Sloan School of Management, around 30 million or one in nine us workers experienced their workplace as. toxic. The report calls it an epidemic of toxicity in the American workplace. Bad leadership, lack of trust, the use of fear and shame to motivate performance, a pace that's frenetic, high pressure and low empathy.

Constant pervasive fear of failure, systematic anxiety, lack of emotional safety and stability. These are just a few of the key markers that indicate there's a sickness in your team culture that if not addressed will sabotage the individual team member's health and the overall health and success of the organization. Trust me, having lived through this on more than one occasion. You're going to experience a high turnover rate in the workplace, high burnout rate.

You're going to lose your best, most gifted people. And when that happens, everybody loses. Gifted people are wounded and the organization's mission and bottom line suffers because your team sucks. And I don't know any other way to say it. It, the team culture literally sucks the air out of the wind, out of people's sales and the life out of, out of the team.

So this epidemic of toxicity is also contributing to another phenomenon where we're seeing more and more people than ever before who are leaving their jobs.

Of the global workforce was considering quitting their job and not much has changed in the last couple of years. And according to a new report for ICIMS, which is a cloud based human resources and recruiting software company, one out of three workers. One out of three plans to look for a new job in 2023. So, what's driving this mass exodus, right? Most of it has to do with the fact that people are no longer tolerating unhealthy leaders and unhealthy cultures, like Adam said.

So, if you're watching or listening to this episode, And we're reading your mail. We're describing you and your situation. Maybe you're in a toxic team culture. Maybe you're the leader of a toxic team and you're thinking, how do I change this? How do we become agents of health or antibodies that bring health and vitality to our team members and our organizations? If those are the questions you are asking, This is the episode for you today.

We want to talk about why we believe the Enneagram is the most powerful tool for building a thriving team culture. And we've identified five basic ways that the Enneagram will cultivate health on your team. And they are the Enneagram impacts the presence of the leader. It helps us to celebrate individual differences. It enhances communication and collaboration, gives us tools for resolving conflict and number five, it helps us develop empathy and compassion. So Adam, why don't you kick us off?

And they break down this post enlightenment view of leadership, where we think that leadership is the person that is the most competent and gifted in the room. That's the leader. And without throwing skills and IQ out with the bathwater, they conclude after all their research research that what distinguishes True leaders, great leaders from merely good leaders or bad leaders, isn't IQ or technical skills.

It's not about how competent or how gifted you are or how much you know, or how much you can, like how high of a performer you are. Leadership, they conclude is about emotional intelligence. It's about having an awareness of what it's like for people to be on the other side of you.

So I remember reading Ed Friedman talking about, he illustrates this with the brain body connection. So, you know, the brain uses neurotransmitters to communicate to every part of the body. So the head systematically influences all parts of the body, even if the head is not in close proximity to a part, your head is influencing your big toe, even though they're like. Minor, I guess I'm five foot eight. So however, I'm not very tall, Brian.

So however far that is, you know, five, five feet, eight inches away. My head is my big toe. And yet my head in a sense is present in my big toe. So the head is always present in the body. and influencing the entire body. And the same is true with the head of any organization or the head of any team. The head is always present in the organization. The presence of the leader is always felt even if it's on an unconscious level.

Your presence as a leader will absolutely shape and influence the culture of your team in a way that either nurtures anxiety and toxicity on the team, or like Brian said earlier, your presence will function like an antibody to bring life and vitality to the team. So here's, here's all this, what this has to do with the Enneagram. Um, healing, healing a toxic work environment always starts with the leader. So when I coach teams, this is where I start. And you know, Brian, you do this work too.

A lot of times we get a call from a leader that wants us to come in and quote unquote, fix the team. And my response is, well, we're going to start with you because nobody has more impact on the team than the leader. So the leader is going to have to go on a deeper journey. into their soul, into the self awareness, into seeing self clarity, into seeing the, the, the logs in their own eyes, the shadow self, the blind spots. And, and the best tool for this is the Enneagram.

It gives the leader the self awareness to name the core motivations that are driving them. It names their Blind spots, the shadow side. It tells the truth about how their their conflict styles and communication styles and the way they do relationship affects other people. It also names their gifts, their potential so they can lean more into what is good and beautiful about their type.

And it helps them see how not everyone on their team processes or perceives the world the way that they do, which you. It's huge for a leader to be able to embrace. So I think here's where I want to end this point, Brian, is like, whether you use the Enneagram to get there or not, this, this kind of self clarity is essential to healthy leadership. And I think the Enneagram gives us a huge gift because it has the potential to impact the presence of a leader.

Like, like no other tool I've, I've ever discovered. So unless you have other thoughts you want to add to that, Brian, I'll, I'll toss it to you for number two.

that was awesome. So the next way the Enneagram helps us to build healthy teams is that it helps us to celebrate our differences. So every single type has its own strengths, challenges, motivations, styles, and ways of thinking. And we've talked about this.

Tons of times on all our previous episodes, you can be strong in things like getting things done, organizing, administration, creativity, research, mediating, leading, bringing spontaneity and joy to a meeting, which otherwise would be very flat and dead. Uh, the loyalty, the forecasting, like each type has different strengths that it brings to the team. Right. Um, and so the important thing is recognizing and valuing. The individual differences.

It's one thing to see the difference and And kind of market right as right or wrong. Good or bad. And what we want to do is get to the place where we learn how to value the individual differences so that we create a culture of celebrating different gifts and perspectives. We want to create a culture of honoring everyone's different starting places where people are coming from. And the Enneagram gives us language for encouraging each other in specific ways, right? So we're normally as a one.

My typical way to do things would be to categorize them as right, wrong, good, bad, black, and white. And over the years in working with the Enneagram, it's taught me how incomplete that can be at times. So often, especially when it comes to people, right? We don't want to categorize people as categorically good or bad or right or wrong, right?

So when we learn to have that kind of a language, we start to recognize that a toxic work culture motivates people through fear, shame, and control, right? It's, it's that same thing you're talking about with leadership. It's the leader is not about being the one in power and control. That's just a boss or a manager. It's not a leader, right? So a healthy work culture will understand that the soul runs on encouragement and affirmation, not fear and shame.

So this is the best way to motivate others and bring out their potential. To recognize, call out, and value the differences that you see in someone else. Who works or functions differently than you because of what it adds to the team, right? So by learning that language, learning those tools that help commit yourself to the care and success of those around you. So we need all nine types. To help us live fully.

Um, when you are missing types on your team, you're missing a core aspect of the way that God created us to function together. Um, so learn to recognize our differences, value them and celebrate them. Do you want to take number three?

so another way that Enneagram can foster health on the team is by enhancing communication and collaboration within the team. So the best teams know how to communicate and understand that. We all have different communication styles. Team members know how to get on one another's planet and speak their language on a healthy team. And the Enneagram really is like a passport, if you will, for getting on someone else's planet.

It's like, it's like a pocket translator that helps you navigate other people's world and understand one another better, which is huge for a healthy team. By the way, as a side note, I, I, I heard Simon Sinek talk about, um, for those of you who are Simon Sinek fans, I heard him talk about his work with Navy SEALs and he asked, he, have you heard that he, he asked the question, how do you decide who goes on SEAL team six?

And they basically draw this graph and they talk about how you have high performers and then you have high trust. And he says, um, nobody wants a low performer, low trust. And he says, but. you have in a lot of organizations is a, a high performer, low trust. And he says, that's typically the jerk on the team. He says, if you walk on any team and ask who's the jerk, everybody will tell you the same person. It's a high performer and it's low trust. And what's crazy and organizational.

leadership is we often, you know, uh, bonus and reward the high performer, low trust people. And they said that the Navy SEAL said they would rather have a low, a, let's see, a low performer. Let's see how did that work now? Now I'm messing myself up.

It's a person that you, after you talk with them, you feel seen and heard, you feel understood. So it actually has a lot to do with your communication style and. Brian, let's just take our, our relationship, for example. So, you know, Brian's a one, I'm a six. Brian, I've often experienced with you how you hold a space for all my questions. And you have a lot of questions too, as, as a six, as, as a one and kind of a verbal processor, but like, I'm very much a verbal processor.

I have lots of questions and I typically perceive information through curiosity. which can feel like pushback. It can feel like, um, it can feel like a challenge, but it's actually the way that I process and perceive information. And, and, you know, Brian, you, you allow me in our, in our teamwork together, you allow me to communicate with curiosity and express my questions and my caution. Because you understand this about me and you, you know how to name that when I'm doing that.

So it gives me the experience of feeling seen and understood and not judged as, as an anxious presence, for example, which is the way I've felt on, on other teams in the past. Um, You also know how to communicate to my weaknesses. So I experienced that with you, you know, you know how to speak to my weaknesses and reassure me that I'm safe. I can trust myself. You know, I, when my self doubt comes up in our teamwork together, you're always very quick to get on my planet.

and communicate, uh, truth to me in a way that it's in my native tongue. Like I can, I can receive it. I can understand it. And this made possible because of the gift of the Enneagram, you know, that's this, the Enneagram helps us connect and collaborate. And I think our teamwork, I think our working relationship is so much better for that.

Um, I mean, we've often told Jess to take it easy and draw boundaries and say no to things because she's so overly willing to help and jump in. I remember one of my most affirming moments was when Beth called out, um, I forget what project we were working on and she just affirmed all of the questions that I was asking and The inconsistencies and mistakes that I was pointing out as a one and how we needed that so that we can serve our coaches and our teams better.

And it broke my heart open in like, I, it was an absolute highlight and it sticks with me. And it's when we can recognize people's Enneagram types for what they are. And again, celebrate and value those differences. Then we can also celebrate the unique things about them that we often hold as fears or, um, we think they're insecurities. But there are things worth celebrating.

The fact that the, the fact that inconsistencies and mistakes jump out at me, people so often perceive as judgmental or just being nitpicky for the sake of doing that. It's like, no, but, but my genuine heart is to help and to make things better. So actually sees that when you actually see that in one of your teammates, it is such a different perspective and it will light up their day. Or even their year. Just to put that out in a positive way.

So I think, yeah, absolutely, collaboration, communication is so important when we can learn the distinct differences of what make us unique.

You know, you have a lot of leaders that can get out and smile on a stage and manifest as you know, whatever kind and, and, and then backstage they're, they're Leading with control and fear and shame. And, and, and when, when I remember us working on that project and I remember you putting together like a loom video or something with tons of inconsistencies.

And I say tons, like it was a lot, a lot of, lot of places where we, we need improvement and you were using your gift as a one using healthy anger to reform, to, to make things better. to improve the entire team. And, and, and I remember Beth's response being so healthy because she saw your gift. She saw what you were doing. She understood the motivations and she honored you. Whereas like an unhealthy leader or you

A non anxious healthy leadership presence that sees the differences on the team and celebrates the differences on the team. Um, and that, that, that Beth has enough self clarity in herself to know where she's at in that moment. And, and she can meet you with, with tons of grace and celebration. So, yeah, I just, I just want to use that as an illustration to further make our point.

So if you're looking for team members who are engaged, if you're looking for team members who are invested, you need to recognize their strengths for what they are and again, celebrate those differences, right?

absolutely.

When we talk about iron sharpening iron, it's that process of rubbing and chipping up against each other that makes you sharper. It's not just a, Oh, let's just avoid this. Let's just, no, let's just pretend it didn't happen. No, let's just push through it. Or one person gets their way or whatever it is. Um, and so there will always be conflict, which is really hard for nines, especially because they are conflict avoidant.

But I've also seen nines lean into it when they move to that virtue of right action and it is a glorious thing to behold, right, because they can serve as such great mediators when they know they are the right person in the right place at the right time and they just go and do the right thing. I mean, talk about seeing the full glory of God on display is is a nine in right action. So it's not that they can't do it. It's not that they won't do it.

It's just that their core motivation is to want to avoid it. Their tendency. Right, but we can all overcome those tendencies because we often say with the Enneagram, it's don't use it as an excuse to hide behind your own bad behavior, right? And we, I love the Maya Angelou quote, do the best you can until you know better. And once you know better, do better. So we want to address common sources of conflict that might arise and discuss conflict resolution strategies.

that are tailored to each different type or different triad. So one of the triads that we use is called the conflict triad, right? Conflict coping. And there are three different styles, ones, threes, and fives. are in the logical triad. They're going to use thinking, remove all feelings, and say, here are the facts. Here's how we, here's how we resolve this. Now, alongside that, you've also got fours, sixes, and eights, who are in the reactive triad.

And what they're going to do is they're going to have some kind of reaction, Usually it's a little bit emotional, a little loud, and a little demonstrative. And, they want you to meet them and react in the same kind of a way. And when you don't, they feel like you're being dismissive, or that you're not listening to them. And so, you recognize already, just between these two, the logical and the reactive, how completely different they are, and how they don't pay attention to each other.

and somehow meet each other where they are, we're going to misfire and we're going to cause even more conflict. And then add to that mix twos, sevens, and nines in the optimistic triad who just want to live by hakuna matata and no worries and everything's going to work itself out because they genuinely believe that it will. Because for them, it always has. Because usually, everyone else has worked it out. On their behalf. So you've got two sevens and nines in the optimistic.

Ones, threes, and fives in the logical. Four sixes and eights in the reactive. And here's the crazy part. None of them are wrong.

Some people want to stay in their hearts and talk about their feelings about it. And some people just want to start moving and doing the thing. And then we look at those stances where people are repressed in all of those things and you see why there's potential for conflict all the time. And one of the things that I love about using stances is that orientation to time.

And you have this visionary leader who's always casting vision for the future and the next thing and the next thing and the next thing. And they can't stop to celebrate the thing we just did because here's the next thing that we're doing. So they're constantly moving ahead. And then you've got all the, so those are the three sevens and eights, right? Then you've got ones, twos, and sixes.

Who are tethered to the present and this visionary person is throwing crazy ideas out there, which may be amazing, great ideas that need to be done. But all the ones, twos and sixes are raising their hand going, um, okay, but how are we going to do that? Like, what are the steps like right now, like we need, but in order to get there, we have to do this, this, this, this and this and this and this.

And now the visionary leader is going to get upset because I'm like, why is, why are you always slowing me down? Why can't we just do the thing? Right? And then you have fours, fives, and nines who are tethered to the past who are going, Yeah, but remember when we tried that last time? Or remember when this? Or remember when this? And they're referring to things before.

And now, the three, seven, or eight is like, Everyone's a wet blanket, everyone's raining on my parade, and no one can just get the vision and get on the bus. And yet, if we were willing to slow down enough to recognize that we're looking at things from three different time zones, that we're coming at them from three different centers of intelligence, That we're looking at them from three different styles of having conflict. We begin to appreciate the complexity of what it means to be on a team.

And to appreciate and say, you know what? Thank you for pointing that out. Would you go and give us the outline for the steps and the milestones that we're going to need to get there. Hey, would you go back and run the numbers from the last time we did that campaign or that thing or that whatever it was. And bring me back pros and cons. What went well? What did we need to do differently? Because ultimately, my job is to help us to get to where we wanna go next.

And I need you to help me get there, right? Instead of just constantly pushing, instead of just constantly antagonizing, instead of dismissing someone who's not on board with you. Right? So learning how to resolve conflict in those ways is so very often, just being aware that the differences in the room are not bad or wrong. So, Adam, why don't you round us out? Mm-hmm.

And since has this line where he says, you know, just to kind of summarize, um, the one of the biggest problems he sees with organizational health is that we keep hiring mechanics and bringing in mechanics when we should be bringing in gardeners. And, you know, mechanics work on machines. Mechanics, by the way, nothing wrong with that. This is just an illustration.

But we're talking about working with souls. People show up to the office with their trauma and their baggage, and every Enneagram type shows up to the office and to the team with their unique gifts and struggles and core motivations and healthy team is a team of gardeners that is cultivating the soil, the relational soil with empathy and compassion. And Enneagram helps us do that. Um, empathy is this emotional response.

You know, Brian, I've heard you talk about the difference between empathy and compassion a lot, but empathy is an emotional response that puts me in your emotional shoes. It's it's me kind of stepping into your world as much as I can. Um, there's that there's that great sketch where Brene Brown is talking about the difference in empathy and sympathy. And, you know, uh, it's crawling down. Empathy is me. down in the hole with you and sitting.

Sympathy is me looking at you down in the hole and offering you a sandwich. What can I do maybe to kind of pacify you or caretake you a little bit, or like, I don't really know what to do, but here's a sandwich. Empathy is I'm going to crawl down and sit with you as best as I can in the place of struggle. Um, compassion, compassion really takes that one step further of. I'm going to suffer with you. I'm not just going to come sit by you, but I'm actually going to cry with you.

I'm going, I'm going to share in the struggle with you. I'm going to suffer with you. And, you know, this is the way Christ loves, loves us. He, he sees our struggles and he feels he feels our pain that he moves toward us with compassion and there's nothing so validating as Someone who sees you for who you are and is willing to meet you where you are and to share in your struggles with you And so, you know if I'm on a team and you know, my type one Teammates inner critic is activated.

Maybe you know Brian you're not feeling good about yourself or your work or you're, you're, you're angry with yourself because you think you could have done better. Like I know how to go there with you. Um, if my self doubt is activated, you know how to go there with me.

As you mentioned earlier, with with our other coaching teammate, our buddy, Jess, who's a type two, if she is smelling the burnout or is over functioning in some way, shape or form, which comes from a really beautiful place for her. We know how to go there with her without judgment or shame and say, Hey, let's, let's sit with you in this place and let's, let's help you draw some boundaries. And we all need that. So, um, the, the point is empathy and compassion is I see my teammates.

Enneagram gives me a common language for naming each of their struggles, including mine. And, and Because we have that self awareness and I can see those things and name those things with you. Now I can go sit with you in those places and bring very type specific affirmations and encouragements. I mean, to sum it all up, it's, it's really, it's not rocket science, but we're talking about knowing how to be with someone.

We're just empathy and compassion is just, do you know how to be with another person? And we certainly know how to do in a workplace. Everybody's doing, um, but do you know how to be with people? And that, that to me is the gift of the Enneagram.

And number five, helps us to develop empathy and compassion. So we would love for you to let us know. Which one makes the most sense or which one maybe your team needs the most help with, right? Um, because we've got tons of tools for navigating all of those things. If you will go scrub our social media pages, we've got tons of resources online. We've got our coaches directory. People who would love to be able to work with you and your team or you and your leaders.

Um, and we just want to say thank you. For joining us for this little part, we were kind of shifting gears a little bit, talking a little bit more about the workplace and kind of, we have been talking the last couple of weeks about personal growth and spiritual growth. And now we want to talk about how does the Enneagram affect us in our everyday work, right? With our leaders, with our coworkers and peers, people who are direct reports.

Um, and so we would love for you to continue tuning in, subscribe to the podcast for more valuable content. We've got a lot more really great stuff on the way.

And for those of you who want to bless others by becoming a certified Enneagram coach, check out our leading certification program at your enneagram coach com. Our team is here to guide you each step of the way, and we would love for you to join us in blessing others with accelerated transformation. Brian, you wanna close us out? com Page