Episode 166: 6w5 or 6w7: Enneagram 6 Wings Explained Pt.2

Ep. 166 Type 6 Wings pt.2
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[00:00:00] Hey everyone, this is Beth. And I'm Jeff. And this is  Your Enneagram Coach, the podcast. And we're here to help you to understand yourself with astonishing clarity so that you can break free from self condemnation, fear, and shame by knowing and experiencing the unconditional love, forgiveness, and freedom and Christ.

[00:00:17] Well, if you didn't know, we're also on YouTube, so go watch the podcast there, like and subscribe so you don't miss any of the upcoming content that we release. Well, today we're gonna be talking about type sixes, and so being a type six, this is gonna be very interesting, uh, talking about myself, but our wings are five and seven.

[00:00:35] Now, if you don't know much about wings and you're maybe new to the Enneagram, be sure to head over to episode one 60 where we explain Enneagram W Wings in more detail. So, um, so let's dive into the world of sevens. So they're spontaneous, they're optimistic. Uh, they run headlong into new experiences. What's fun? They're gonna typically, [00:01:00] I wouldn't say throw out safety completely, but they're definitely willing to try new things.

[00:01:05] And, um, even if there's some anxiety, you know, around it, it's like, Hey, let's just try it. This is gonna be fun. Now, the sevens core fear is the fear being deprived, limited, bored, trapped in emotional pain, missing out on something fun. But they desire to be happy, fully satisfied, and content. So what you're gonna see with your sevens is, and how the seven me will show up is it's more outgoing.

[00:01:31] It can be distracted easily. It's very friendly and charming. It loves to network and connect with oth, uh, yeah, network and connect with others. Um, it also helps to establish these, um, society, uh, community systems for the six to feel safe and secure, but it also is gonna feel the freedom to connect with others to gain a sense of guidance, uh, when they feel unsure.

[00:01:58] Because the seven is much more apt to move [00:02:00] into the lives of others and to connect. And so the, the six will find that ability to connect with others, to ask questions and to get the information it needs. The other thing about sevens is it also allows the six to feel a lot more grace and joy when now sixes, I know you're out there and you're thinking, but Beth, we're, we just see reality.

[00:02:22] I know, but everyone else tends to see it as pessimism. Yeah, but they're stupid. But, but the seven part of your heart will bring, um, levity, it will bring joy, it will bring a sense of confidence. Sevens really don't see failure. They reframe things into, well, it's a new opportunity now. You're still a six, so it's not gonna be quite that.

[00:02:52] Goodness. Sorry. I was trying to hold it back. And it didn't quite work though. I just yawned as math as seven. [00:03:00] How about that? How do you do that? Does your, I don't know, does your voice really matter? Keep that in the, in the podcast as a video blueprint. Oh my goodness. Falling asleep. Another blooper. I'm so sorry.

[00:03:15] You took a nap. Yeah. Even took a nap afternoon. Yeah. Okay. So I'm not sure where I was, but we'll go with it. Um, Sevens will bring in this sense of spontaneity and joy and freedom, even to a six who might see the world from more being suspicious and anxious. And so this can be a really fun, um, dynamic. Now it can be a push and pull and we'll talk about the unhealthy aspects of the seven, but the six, who wants to think of all the ways that things might not go right?

[00:03:46] The seven is going to kind of push and say, but let's try it. Let's have some fun. Let's see where this goes. The other thing, and actually this will go probably to the more unhealthy side, is they can be really funny and witty when you bring that [00:04:00] seven in. It is hilarious, but it can also turn to the worst and we'll talk about that in a second.

[00:04:05] So, uh, Adam, And Kara, both of you had sevens majority of your life like that seven wing. So, uh, Adam? Yeah. I wanna hear from Kara first. Okay, Kara. Okay. Kara, let's hear about what the seven was like in a healthy way. She's so much more put together than Adam. Like, she seemed mature. Why Tapp me? Yes. Yes. Just keep it coming composed.

[00:04:27] Uh, Adam and I just no idea what's gonna come out of our mouth. This is, this is true. I cannot, I cannot argue with what you just said. Right. How does the seven show up in a healthy way in your life? Yeah, for sure. Uh, I think everything you said, Beth, just kind of hit the nail in the head in terms of, I would say the seven balances, that six in me, that I feel this, I feel that push, pull of optimism, pessimism.

[00:04:52] I would say internally, I'm, I'm, I'm pessimistic like a lot of sixes are. I'm thinking this could go wrong. You know, I [00:05:00] wake up at 3:00 AM with all the worry and worst case scenarios and. Fear of, you know, the kids' cough is gonna turn into something that they're gonna be dead the next day. You know, how many, how many thing little aches and pains have I turned into?

[00:05:13] Like, I'm dead. Let's just land my funeral right now. But that's, that, that's slow then. But I, people don't see that about, really, don't, I do not present. And so when I said, when people learned I was a six and new Enneagram, they were like, I just don't see that because I present with this optimistic energy and it's so, it's this push pull.

[00:05:32] But it is, I think, um, it's the seven that makes me remember, you know, things can go right, things are gonna always go wrong. And so that's a huge gift to me. And Karen, do you, does your family recognize when seven Kara shows. They do because I become, like with my husband and kids, I become really silly and playful.

[00:05:56] My husband's a one, um, so silly. He actually, you know, goes to a [00:06:00] seven in Sure. A place of growth. So when we meet in that middle spot, which doesn't happen all that often, that we're both there at the same moment. Um, we, we have a lot of fun. But yeah, the, the kids, I mean, I have three kids and they, they know, I mean, would they know to say it's a seven, I'm not sure, but mom that's dancing around, making up silly songs, uh, just being goofy and coming up with funny things.

[00:06:25] It's kind of that side, like my husband will be like, did you just say that? Like, that's kind of a weird, like a way with words, like a little, you know, with things mm-hmm. That are just maybe a little awful or funny in my mind they're, do they have a nickname for it? What was that? Do they have a nickname for you whenever you get to Silly Mom?

[00:06:40] No. Good question. Not that comes to mind, but now that's gonna be a dinner conversation, I know. Yeah, exactly. Mm-hmm. Well, and I'm curious when you guys go on vacation. Yeah. Does this part of you and your husband kind of come out? Probably more than for sure. Other times, yes. Mm-hmm. I love vacations. I love [00:07:00] planning the vacation.

[00:07:01] I see. That's another place I see the five is in the planning. Um, but absolutely when I'm on vacation, I feel very little anxiety. I just kind of just, I'm like, oh, things are gonna go well. You know? And so I see that coming out a lot and I think the kids feel that too. They see the difference of mom who, when I'm not doing well, the six can worry and wanna micromanage to, then I let, I let it go and I just kind of am like, this is, it's all gonna work out, which is a.

[00:07:34] Great. That's a better space for me sometimes to be in. So those are some of the ways that I see. Yeah. And the social side too. I think I lean into the seven for sure in um, situations where I really need to be energetic. Even times where I think my younger self, I was more naturally energetic and sociable.

[00:07:52] Now I see it as a gift when I'm feeling like, oh, I'm kind of spent and I'm like, okay, I can do this. I can tap into this part [00:08:00] of me that is gonna bring the fun or bring the energy and the enthusiasm when I need it. Right. Which is a gift. Well, that's awesome. Adam, tell us about the jackal. All my friends that we've traveled with and family members, They, they, they call it vacation Adam.

[00:08:19] When we go on vacation, there's this, there's, it is full blown like seven mode, you know, it's, it's the, the seven takes over. Um, so yeah, so our, most of my life growing up, I, I really relied heavily on the seven part of me and, and, and I, and I've learned to really thank and honor that part because, you know, without getting too vulnerable, um, there was, you know, some, some anxiety in the home and, and, and a little bit of instability in the home.

[00:08:49] And that part of me, um, really helped me, like make it, make it through and, and helped me deal with the, I mean, I could have picked a lot of other destructive ways to deal with what was going on [00:09:00] inside of me, but the seven really showed up and gave me the gift of, of fun and br brightness and humor and.

[00:09:10] Um, and, and, and I think reframing in a healthy way, you know, not all reframing is bad. I think at its worst, at its worst optimism is, is really denial or bypassing some sort of spirit, spiritual bypassing. But at its best, the sevenths optimism translates into resiliency, you know, and hope. I mean, the, my favorite definition of hope I've ever heard, uh, was from Phil Hern Herndon, and Phil said that hope is, no matter how dark it gets, you can't stop looking around the corner for life.

[00:09:47] And I feel like that's the gift of the seven to me, is like, Hey buddy life, there's life out there, there, it's gonna be okay. I. Um, you know, it's, it reminds me not to take myself too seriously, [00:10:00] um, to laugh at myself, you know, it's okay to laugh at myself, it's okay to play. Um, and that can't push me to be the life of the party sometimes.

[00:10:08] And that even that's, that's okay, you know? And, um, mm-hmm. And the other thing is just the courage to take risks, you know? I mean, I think my default as a type six, if it feels, what's the, that right when you said that, all I could, all I could think of is when ticking risks was when you were at our house and there was that TikTok challenge of the center of gravity.

[00:10:34] And like, you put your women, yeah, you put your, your on your hands and knees, then you put your arms behind your back as fast as possible. And guys can't do it. Oh man, Adam did it when I saw that video, when I saw that video at your house, I said, there's no way. I can't. Not do this. I know I can do this.

[00:10:54] I've got a strong enough cord to do this. And I fell. I fell the first time and [00:11:00] caught myself with my hands, if you remember. And then I was so determined to do it again and maybe we can find the video and actually release it to, to our audience people. I hit my face. You can see my face. Especially if you watch in slow motion, you can see my face bounce off your concrete.

[00:11:14] You're lucky you didn't bite your tongue off. Oh my gosh. Or lose a tooth. Yeah. I mean it was, oh, no kidding. I mean, wasn't your jaw hurting for like, it was hardwood flow. I mean there was no cushion at all. I had a migraine headache the rest of the night and I just, and I just pushed, I pushed through it. I just, you know, but it was, you had a concussion Adam, him, I mean we should have thrown the flag.

[00:11:38] Put you on concussion protocol and we, it's so sad cause I'm like sitting here laughing, but it was hilarious that, yeah. What is your, um, subtype? Adam, am I? Well, it's, it's a bit, it's a bit more one-to-one. I mean, one to one. Okay. It's, yeah, it's a little, it's a little more one-to-one, but, you know, since we use all three, I mean, I, I [00:12:00] absolutely do see self, I do see self-preservation quite a bit, you know, and I, yeah, uh, I do see that quite a bit.

[00:12:05] What, early, early on in life it was much more one-to-one. Yeah. Much more. I was just thinking that risk taking, I don't resonate as much. That part isn't as strong in me, I think. But like, I see that as a resonate thing. Either one to one is a little more repressed, I'd say, of my instincts, like social and, mm-hmm.

[00:12:23] I see the social and self press all the time. Yeah. And I don't see that. Mm-hmm. The one to, I would say that my knee-jerk default reaction when it comes to an opportunity to do something big and scary or some, some kind of risk is to keep my feet where they are on the ground. I don't wanna take a step in that direction.

[00:12:42] I don't wanna do that, but for whatever reason in my life, I, I'll blame it on God. He, he's always like pushing me into these spaces where I'm having to, to do things that are really, really uncomfortable to me. Like I, I, I never wanted to get on a stage and talk to people, you know, like, [00:13:00] but, but, and I became a pastor and, and a teacher and like, um, or being on a podcast like what I'm doing right now.

[00:13:07] It's like that. Okay. It's like that, that who's the standup comedian who said if we actually thought about what we were doing when we're, when we're in an airplane, we would all completely freak out. Like, it's like we're thousands of feet in the air right now flying through space in this metal box. And it's like, if I, if I stopped and thought about what I'm doing right now, I'm on a podcast, I might have a panic attack.

[00:13:33] You know what I mean? Like there's a part of me that wants to go there. Totally. But the se but the seven says like, you're, you can do this, you're gonna do this. You're made for this. We've got this. Let's take the risk, let's jump into this. Yeah. And it's always pushed me there my whole life. And that's a real gift.

[00:13:47] Yeah. Honestly. A real gift. It is a gift. It's a gift. Yeah. Yeah. Well, uh, we do need to talk about another part of the Seven Wing, uh, and how it shows up in our lives. Uh, but remember, it does have positive intent. And so in some [00:14:00] ways it is trying to protect us and it needs God's grace and healing and presence.

[00:14:05] Uh, though Seven Wink can make us, uh, demand that others meet our need for excitement and fun to distract us from our anxieties. We can use escape patches, these unhealthy indulgences to avoid anxiety, self-doubt, and contradictory thoughts of our inner committee. Uh, we may at times feel, or I do feel the urge to do something spontaneous that isn't responsible or appropriate, especially if you believe you can get away with it and not get blamed.

[00:14:32] Why are you giggling over there? I may have yawned at you earlier, but you're giggling. I'm thinking of all the funny things that you guys do Without thinking too, without thinking. My, my wife's always like, if the line of what's appropriate is here, like an Engram eight will step over the line. Mm-hmm. But you get a running star and you jump 50 miles over the line.

[00:14:56] Right. You know what I mean? Running star and you don't, and you do it without [00:15:00] thinking about, that's the thing. The eight will do it consciously. Like, I'm gonna step over the line right now. I know exactly what I'm doing. Yes. I'm in control. We don't even think about it. Yeah. Beth will do that, but she like puts a tiptoe over, right?

[00:15:11] Like, she'll just say something with the kids around and that's inappropriate. Yeah. Like I'll tiptoe though. Just tiptoe over there. Like, what, what's the, what's the water over here like? And, and if I tell other people about it, then she gets upset with me because I think it's funny enough to share with others.

[00:15:25] That's so true. Well, the Seven Wing helps us to avoid feelings of pain, sadness, disappointment by looking on the bright side or seeking out new adventures. Um, so why don't we start with you Kara. How does your seven wing at times show up in unhealthy ways? Yeah. Well, I can think of a few things. First of all, I just was thinking of something, um, as a child that I see my seven wing coming up and it's, I think it was more self-protection.

[00:15:52] I mean, when I look, think of my childhood on some of the struggles that I went through and just going to boarding school, I think my imagination [00:16:00] was part of, um, I, I lived in the imagination and story a lot and I see that as being a piece of my seven. Um, And I see how, one of the things my kids kind of joke about about me now is I'll save all the stories like Babi and Charlotte Sweat.

[00:16:17] Any story that was like remotely sad I could not handle as a little kid. Like I was just, it just, and I think that was both the seven of trying to avoid things that need me sad. And then also the six of a lot of these stories were things where people were, you know, little animals were abandoned or, you know, things.

[00:16:35] It triggered a lot of fear in me. So that's just kind of a, it's interesting memory you say that because, uh, movies were a big deal. Now I have a high capacity for movies. My mom was a Stephen King, uh, fan and would watch horror movies and so, I didn't have siblings, so I'd sometimes ha watch them a home alone.

[00:16:54] Mm-hmm. Oh gosh. And just terrifying. Um, my little soul as I think back. Poor little [00:17:00] guy, just scared to death. Little sticks. But movies were a big deal. Yeah. Fantasies a really big, uh, part of that 7.0 heart big time. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. So I just, but I avoided all those sad things, but as an adult, I see one of the, one of the ways I see it, um, showing up in as maybe not so healthy is I can move when I'm stressed.

[00:17:20] I can become, which is partially the three, I think, the busyness, but I become very scattered and just kind of unfocused, a bit like erratic. Like I'm just like, what am I needing to do here? And forgetful in that kind of more sense of responsible side of the six kind of goes away a bit. Um, where I just move into that.

[00:17:39] I try to pack too much in, you know, Brain, like maybe I have an hour before I need to leave the house. And the seven is like, let's see how much we can get done. I'm just gonna laundry and I'm gonna send some emails and I'm gonna make some dinner. And I'm just a complete mess by the end. And then it just, I'm more anxious, but it's like optimism of [00:18:00] like, maybe I can get it done with that six kind of balance.

[00:18:03] Then I moved to the places. It does remind me hearing that Bethy that, uh, Saturday morning, Beth, whenever the kids were younger. Not that that was seven, but I it was like you were getting amped up to do something like that and Yeah, I can, it, it, it reminded me of that image. Kara like, whenever I can imagine your kids or your husband like, oh, okay, uh, mom's here today.

[00:18:25] A little frenetic, a little scattered. Yes. Frenetic energy gets strong. Yeah, for sure. I, they see that in me for sure. Coming out where I'm just kind of gotta move my body and I'm just. Moving things around, you know, kind of without any real purpose. Mm-hmm. Um, I also see how I can, I can lean towards procrastination, which might be the five for things that I'm afraid of.

[00:18:50] Hmm. Um, like sometimes if I have to make a doctor's appointment that you would think as a six, it would be, I would, you know, I'd wanna figure out what's going on. Let's do it. But there's [00:19:00] something about. Where I'll tend to try to avoid it or I'll put it off, or I'll try to just, maybe I'll just, you know, send a text or something to somebody to just avoid having to deal with some of those things that are hard or, well, I could totally see like the sixth part of your heart is like thinking of all the like worst case scenarios of going to the doctor and then the nine part of your heart, which is your Ingram path Yep.

[00:19:23] Is like, yeah, let's shut this down. Let's just avoid it at all. All costs. Yes. And the seven's like, that sounds like a great idea, right? Yeah. Why? Why do we have to go there? We don't have to wait. This is great. Great idea. Let's do something else. Yeah, for sure. And then the seven or the three is like maybe I'll just, you know, make a list of something I can need to do or something.

[00:19:41] So, absolutely. Yeah, I do see that, how that could be the, a lot of that nine parts. Um, where, but that avoiding, I wouldn't, I wouldn't ever know. No. Well, you can lie. What's that? Right? I mean, so foreign stuff, no foreign to you? Never. No. Adam, what about you? [00:20:00] Well, there's the golden shadow, right? So I mean mm-hmm.

[00:20:03] One of the ways that I, I see the, the, the, the jackal or the jester show up for me in an unhealthy way is when I just over rely on humor and I over rely on, on fun. And, um, one of the best ways, easiest, like telltale signs that, that this part of me is showing up in an unhealthy way is when I'm just tempted to reach for the fix.

[00:20:25] So if it's like, I just need something to. And, and, and escape whatever it is that I don't want to deal with or I don't want to feel. And, uh, so, you know, it could be binging on Netflix, it could be shopping or eating or, or binging on reels on my phone or something. And, and I just wanna be really clear, none of those things are bad.

[00:20:47] Um, the problem with all of that is it doesn't, it doesn't sufficiently medicate whatever you're trying to medicate. So, and sometimes it just makes the problem worse, you know, and exaggerates the [00:21:00] problem and, and can get into some, some funky places, whether that's addiction or whatever. And I certainly have all those tendencies.

[00:21:06] So, you know, I, I, I, I, I hinted earlier at, there's a new name that I sometimes I've been trying on with this part of myself, and it's, it's catching on. And so when I see this part show up that way, what, one thing that helps me approach it with kindness is, if I call it hu, So I'm, I'm learning to call this part of myself, Hutch, I think, I don't know if I've ever shared this with you, but mm-hmm.

[00:21:28] Hutch Hu Hutch sounds to me. Here's how it happened is it's like, uh, this part of me is always reaching for escape hatches, right. And Hutch and Hatch. Mm-hmm. It's close enough. So it just kind of, I just sort of started playing with it. Uh, and it's, it really stuck. And so when, when, whenever I see this part show up, it's, it's, it's, and also Hutch is kind of fun.

[00:21:50] Like, I, I kind of wanna hang out with that guy, whoever he is. He probably, he probably drives like a, a, some kind of eighties TransAm or something, you know? [00:22:00] Well, I mean, what Immediately Hutch reminded me of Star Skin Huss. Right? Right. And that's how I see him. That's really how I see him. And he just, which one was Hutch?

[00:22:09] Hutch was the, the blonde with a brunette hutch was the less serious one. He was the blonde. I don't think, I don't know, think Well now have to watch it. Well, I'm gonna watch it. I have to look it up now. You're gonna have to watch the, the Owen Wilson Ben Stiller remake is what you're gonna have to watch.

[00:22:23] Um, but, uh, but, you know, Hutch Hutch is trying to help, he's trying to help me, uh, extinguish whatever, you know, fire is going on inside of me and, and put out the flames and, and help me kind of numb something. And, uh, and, and so I realized that, I realized he's, he's a, he's a great helper. He's a great asset.

[00:22:44] And there's many times where, um, that's totally fine. Like, man, watch a movie and check out and, and realize that all these other things that, that look so big to you and that you're so worried about, uh, maybe it's because you're [00:23:00] too close to it and you're overthinking it and you're too wrapped up in it.

[00:23:03] So yeah, man, go watch a movie, make, make a big bowl of popcorn and do some, go do something fun. That's all great, all helpful. But again, when you over rely on that, when you, when you, when you overuse that, that's when it becomes, I mean, isn't that, isn't that the problem with ev everything that we use to cope?

[00:23:21] It's, it's all, it's usually good stuff. So it's like, yeah, it's not that the stuff is bad, it's, it's get, get, we get into trouble with how, how we use it. So, yeah. Well, in the Bible there's, uh, the Greek word epi, th mayo and through mayo means to desire. And epi just means hyper desire. Hyper desire, yeah. And it's, it's when we get fixated on something and yeah, we we're going use it beyond its normal use, so Right.

[00:23:48] You know, there's improper use and then there's a demand upon something to come through for us in a way that only God can, and I don't think Hutch is mature enough to know the line there, Jeff. I don't think that [00:24:00] part of, I think that part of my heart is very, very young. And you bring up a really interesting concept there that these wings, you know, we talk about the family's responses to the various parts of our Enneagram profile, and sometimes these parts of us were not accepted by family, or they were encouraged by family.

[00:24:22] And so they can feel very young whenever we access them. Um, you know, I, I think it was care was saying that the seven energy showed up a lot when you were younger versus. What, it may look more silly now as a middle-aged woman, but it, um, it, it can almost feel associated with a particular age. I mean, El Okoro is not an adult.

[00:24:47] He's, he's not working in adulthood at all. He has no paradigm for working in adulthood. Um, I love it. But, but we're gonna coach him up. We're gonna get him That's right. We're gonna get him a job. That's [00:25:00] right. We're gonna get him stable. He's gonna live on a budget. Yeah. Almost. Well, Adam and Kara, thank you so much for, uh, making me feel more normal and as a six and little less crazy and that my experience.

[00:25:15] Hey, uh, Kara, now everybody knows where to find Adam. He's just lurking stalking us and hanging around, uh, near us. So, but Kara, where can people find out more about you? Sure. Yeah. Well, I'm a coach with your Enneagram coach, so you can find me through the directory there. Um, I have, I'm dabbling in social media just a little bit, so I have, I'm on Instagram as Cara r Coaching, and I have a Facebook page, Cara r Coaching.

[00:25:42] So those are eight. That's fantastic. Yeah. We'll dive into that seven wing and just have a ball on Instagram. Mm-hmm. This, go for it. It's fine. Do it. Do it. Don't. And so, yeah, so for those that are curious to find Adam, you know, and Kara on our directory page, you go to [00:26:00] my enneagram coach.com and that's where our certified coaches are.

[00:26:03] So you can go in there and type in their name. Yep. And you'll see them pop up. Well remember, if you're interested in learning more about the Enneagram, head on over to your engram coach.com. If you wanna take your Enneagram knowledge further into where it can really change your life, find one of our coaches like Adam and like Kira.

[00:26:21] And for those of you who want to bless others and by becoming an Enneagram coach, be sure to check out our industry leading certification program at your ingram coach uh.com. Our to coaching team is looking forward to help you to fulfill some dreams of being a blessing in the lives of others. And as always, remember that the engram reveals your need for Jesus, not your need to work harder.

[00:26:43] It is the gospel that transforms us. So thanks for tuning in, and in our next episode we're going to talk about type sevens wings. So, uh, we can't wait to see you there.