On this episode, newly black Umbrella scientist who somehow facilitates the release of a deadly virus (we still don't know how, though), Tom, and his twin daughter of color, Jerry, establish an account on a human sex trafficking website to fund their efforts to stop human sex trafficking. Tom is dared and subsequently double dared to break the Guinness world record for the number of hard boiled eggs inside of his anus, and Jerry successfully ducks and dodges AIDS-contaminated blood while picking...
Oct 10, 2022•3 hr 8 min
On this episode, champion activist of the #FreeJakeTimbers movement, Tom, and lead creep-catcher on the newest predator confrontation YouTube channel #YHMAGWTTCOFOC (in the Commonwealth), Jerry, begin pre-production of the Back to the Future prequel trilogy's final movie, Revenge of the Biff. Tom receives a text from Hunter Biden encouraging him to get tested for HIV the morning after they shared a crack pipe and prostitute, and Jerry confronts a crying Kevin Smith over his failure to deliver a ...
Oct 10, 2022•2 hr 41 min
On this episode, murderer who never made it to the cover of a Wheaties box, Tom, and the first person to send a digital drawing of Garfield's penis over the internet, Jerry, are put on the panel to decide who dies when the Earth's population hits 500,000,001, and they recommend Billie Joe Armstrong (who is now on the run from INTERPOL with no safe haven having given up his citizenship to no one's disappointment). Tom is arrested for busting a phat ass freestyle in the Wendy's drive thru, and Jer...
Oct 09, 2022•3 hr 2 min
On this episode, national park pop-up tent abortion doctor, Tom, and iPhone-retrieving lesbian cop, Jerry, once again hit 700 subs only to drop back down to the high 600s after a joke about what you tell a raccoon with two black eyes. Tom uses his new high-powered telescope to discover an African American hole in a nearby galaxy, and Jerry is chased out of Yellowstone by an African American bear.
Oct 09, 2022•2 hr 16 min
On this episode, pog-playing angry girlfriend, mad_hatter182, and stinky rape bus-survivor, ballz_to_the_wall69, create the least watched predator catching channel by using only the worst and most hated strategies from more successful channels. Tom solicits sex with Robux and a $19 Fortnite card, and Jerry assumes his new hitman identity, Submachine Gun the Murderer, and demands that "everyone chill," "chill out," and "cool off."
Oct 09, 2022•2 hr 33 min
On this episode, two-tour in Iraq veteran assistant manager of Dunkin Donuts, Tom, and Lageanx0👍🏽 Build-A-Bear Workshop animal stuffer, Jerry, put on a show at the Canadian border before a slew of federal agents from both countries (to be released via FOIA request in transcript format at a later date). Tom lobbies his state representative to draft legislation that bans mixer kids for those under 21 and outlaws black husbands, and Jerry heads to the west coast town of Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania...
Jun 09, 2022•2 hr 22 min
On this episode, wig-wearing slow cop who was only days from retiring, Tom, and the first player to ever score 10 points, 10 assists and 10 rebounds in a single game of wheelchair basketball (the cripple double), Jerry, cheer on their favorite high school basketball player, Jake Timbers, of the Little Eastern Ottoman Beaver Slayers. Tom protests and riots over the loss of his pick in the primary election of the County Commissioner, and Jerry wonders why there are no retirement ceremonies for bla...
Jun 09, 2022•2 hr 32 min
On this episode, hundredaire philanthropist, Tom, and micro-yacht owner, Jerry, are joined by the only man who remembers both of the theme songs for Full House and Family Matters, Dave Outlandish. Tom converts all his yacht rocks to pop rocks at a rate of 1:0.1 (which is pretty good given the current economic crisis), while Jerry and Dave make direct eye contact during an extended ball-thigh slapping sesh.
May 26, 2022•2 hr 29 min
On this episode, psycho female blowin' up the phone line, Tom, and sexy, sexy pretty little thing, Jerry, bring their grandfathers back to life in order to explain birthing persons only to get their asses beat by the ghoulish patriarchs. Tom patents the first bi-level, see-through toilet funnel which confuses and frightens potential homebuyers, and Jerry learns the hard way that Fetusberry Crunch's pronouns are just a series of violent assaults.
May 06, 2022•2 hr 36 min
On this episode, upper middle class in the Midwest but below the poverty line anywhere else, Tom Hoffman, and the scrotum skin graft plastic surgeon to the stars, Jerry Leibermann, hop onto the #metoo trend (five years too late) as they overexaggerate how deeply they were penetrated by wolf-whistling construction workers in the mid 1990s. Tom catches COVID for the third time, he dies, his corpse just explodes for no reason, his soul is condemned to hell for all of eternity but is thankful he was...
Apr 29, 2022•2 hr 55 min
On this episode, sporting a curved brim Yankee ballcap with the tag still on it, Thomas Marshall, and showing off his gold tooth in the mirror while he uses his cordless water flosser, Jerry Albert, are shut down by the government, Microsoft, YouTube, and the U.N. for talking about a certain someone's something that cannot be discussed. Tom tops himself off on ketamine and starts sniffing bloody onesies in the evidence locker to see if he can use his psychic powers to solve cold cases, and cis w...
Apr 28, 2022•2 hr 57 min
On this episode, office manager of the Hoffman, Abrams & Chocula law firm, Tom, and child porn conversion data analyst, Jerry, cross the southern border dressed in bird costumes with $43B in horse semen and a license plate that reads PRTY GIRL. Tom ends up in the emergency room after getting his penis stuck in the game board during an innocent game of Operation, and Jerry turns the university student housing into a university student home in an effort to traffic humans for sex.
Apr 08, 2022•2 hr 18 min
On this episode, host of the white people World Star equivalent, America's Funniest Home Videos, Tom, and producer of its sister program, Kids Say the Darndest Things, Jerry, get their booger-pickers on the Infinity Gauntlet and vow to reduce Earth's population from 8B to 1B without doing a flagrant racism. Tom pours himself a delicious floor cleaner and Coke cocktail (what Mike would call the Manitoba Sunrise), and Jerry puts those who would reboot his childhood favorites on notice.
Apr 01, 2022•2 hr 48 min
On this episode, master sensei in the art of Orange-Tang-Drink, Tom, and leader of an online-predator-catching non-profit organization with an embarrassing name, Jerry, cash in on their witchcraft 401k accounts after giving up the lifestyle entirely. Tom dies in a tragic cancer accident, and Jerry tells the story of how his life was unaffected by the presence of a ghost in his childhood home.
Mar 30, 2022•3 hr 14 min
On this episode, scummy 1970s dolphin porn producer, Tom, and crippled defender of the integrity of extreme water aerobics in the deep end, Jerry, sign up for a very real wizard organization through an application completed on their phone, a 50 euro fee paid through PayPal, and a Real World/Road Rules-style video interview about their interest in magic and the occult (sent to a Gmail account). Tom is asked to leave the rape-inarium so the maintenance crew can clean up, and Jerry goes to the U.S....
Mar 03, 2022•3 hr 10 min
On this episode, LAPD cop who came out to the coast to have a few laughs, Tom, and the 30-year veteran NYPD police lieutenant with a bad f*&$ing headache, Jerry, quietly change the milestones for alien child development so their pursuit for humanity in the dark universe will be significantly stunted. Tom is dishonorably discharged from the military for failing to honor their don't ask, don't tell cancer policy, and Jerry serenades his wife-to-be by holding a boombox playing rape noises over ...
Mar 03, 2022•3 hr 13 min
On this episode, smelly hotel room corpse with infected post-mortem wounds, Tom, and the persistent room service attendant about to make a terrible discovery, Jerry, consider the possibility that our modern civilization is merely a glob of jizz flying through the glory holes of time and space. Tom tries out the new fad diet of eating a box of Chinese takeout and a tub of ginger ice cream while sitting on the toilet, and Jerry launches his comprehensively panned dot-com, Teeth4Cash.
Feb 20, 2022•2 hr 58 min
On this episode, sombrero-sized yarmulke-wearing Jewish Mexican, Tom, and yarmulke-sized sombrero-wearing Mexican Jew, Jerry, clap chalk board erasers together instead of doing the math required to answer the Drake Equation and resolve the Fermi Paradox. Tom sets boobs, butt, toes, belly, soul and pulse to 0 on his ideal girl character creation screen so he can have a cadaver with super nice hair, and Jerry tries to find a way to gracefully leave a two hour discussion about the DMV with his dead...
Feb 20, 2022•3 hr 8 min
On this episode, gaffer on the set of Bernie Sanders and the City of a Thousand Planets, Tom, and foley artist for Bernie Sanders and the Legend of the Ten Rings, Jerry, dust off their badges and head to the Siberian mountains in search of clues regarding the mysterious 1993 deaths of hikers on "Friday." Tom regrets eating so much popcorn before rushing volatile chemicals in fragile containers down the mountain, and Jerry mails 146,000,000 letters in an attempt to sell his 2000 Honda Accord on K...
Feb 05, 2022•2 hr 38 min
On this episode, terrible knife marksman, Tom, and flaming fat girl in a leathery pig costume, Jerry, dive into the Betaverse, Christmas tree dicks first, to vandalize the digital Planned Parenthood clinics lining the streets of augmented and virtual reality. Tom updates his Plenty of Fish profile by adding trickery, attacking people, and warning people to his hobbies, and Jerry simps for a big-tittied goth girl by killing half of the universe when doubling the resources would have made more sen...
Jan 29, 2022•4 hr
On this episode, zombified vampire with a hankering for undead brains and/or blood, Tom, and vampiric zombie thirsty for reanimated blood and/or brains, Jerry, set out to prove, or maybe disprove, the existence of America's sweethearts: the dinosaurs. Tom doesn't just play someone divine on television, he's a real life theologian, and Jerry whips out the end of a luge tube at 100 MPH, dead or alive.
Jan 29, 2022•3 hr 43 min
On this episode, Yellowstone Bully Project advocate, Tom, and the out-of-work chlorine tablet stocker at your local pool store, Jerry, conclude their Oh, Hell No miniseries with a 3-hour-long cursed show about magical homosexuals. Tom successfully breastfeeds his adopted lovechild without collapsing the U.S. economy, and Jerry tips his tin foil fedora, unsheathes his tin foil katana, and tin foil teleports behind you. Nothing personal, kid, but while you tin foil partied, he studied the tin foil...
Jan 13, 2022•3 hr 17 min
On this episode, universally hated abortion doctor who refuses to get the COVID-19 vaccination, Tom, and influenza vaccine developer with an average efficacy rate of 35%, Jerry, seek out the goat man to get the truth about who really killed young Savanna Bright. Tom sends a template email with no personalization to the Pope Lick Monster in an effort to hire him for a voice acting position in an upcoming project for Nickelodeon, and Jerry breaks his decades-long silence on the topic of Jock Jams ...
Jan 06, 2022•2 hr 26 min
On this episode, tight-lipped custodian of the underground sex tunnels, Tom, and orgy host-for-hire (call for a free quote on your next car wash or airport orgy), Jerry, apologize directly to a disappointed and disgusted Satan for how out of hand things got in the human trafficking cult they established in his honor. Tom delivers on his promise to explain the entire Satanic Panic of the 1980s and 1990s in less than one minute (1:15), and Jerry pitches a coming-of-age drama in which Elliot Page p...
Dec 30, 2021•2 hr 53 min
On this episode, charge nurse of the bad baby NICU, Tom, and elderly witch doctor who, after a lifetime of sacrificing humans, now campaigns against human sacrifice, Jerry, shove the animal bones over in their sensory deprivation grave holes and drop in for their cult initiation. Tom wonders if Lana Wachowski's film-making talent was stored in his severed and discarded genitals, and forensics expert Jerry struggles to collect any AIDS-tainted evidence in the windy desert wasteland crime scenes o...
Dec 24, 2021•3 hr 1 min
On this episode, gay Satanist cowboy who finally feels recognized by the music industry, Tom, and blackface Shirley Temple fan club president, Jerry, fire up their Walkmans and sing along to their favorite devil-worshiping doo-wop and country-rap albums. Tom accidentally kidnaps a teenager from another universe while wandering the dimensional rift in Switzerland, and Jerry dons his five o'clock shadow furry costume before heading out into the post-apocalyptic wasteland.
Dec 20, 2021•3 hr 12 min
On this episode, gold medal recipient in the 0k Honor Run, Violent Tom, and self-proclaimed wendingo expert who specializes in cryptid asshattery, Jerry 2 Dope, purchase one-way tickets to Dallas or Austin or Houston to attend a human sacrifice by their favorite SoundCloud rapper. Tom cuts the ribbon on the John McCain Memorial Post-Mortem Prisoner of War Camp for Losers, and Jerry recounts his experiences as a background plumber in music videos.
Dec 09, 2021•3 hr 4 min
On this episode, twice orphaned host of a paranormal podcast, Tom, and the College of Cardinals post-general congregations newly appointed co-host, Jerry (of YHMA-Skippy and YHMA-Vax, Jab & Fauci), celebrate the 100th episode of You Had Me at Bigfoot with the first ever game of "Yemen's Well of Barhout or Artificial Neovaginal Reconstruction." Tom warns everyone to stay out of his arms' reach, and Jerry goes looking for a good f*&%ing but only finds himself a wood duckling.
Dec 05, 2021•1 hr 57 min
On this episode, executive producer of Venom 2 who demands gayer content, Tom, and big time stud who always makes out with a girl you don't know (because she goes to a different school), V, cannon ball into the spirit realm to discuss the ghosts from the game Phasmophobia. Tom takes a new soldier for a ride in the fat lane (never to be seen again), and V demands equality for women, but only so he can hit women and cut in front of them in line at the store.
Oct 15, 2021•2 hr 20 min
On this episode, LGBTPZ4QQQ and the Batman symbol ally, Tom (Black Summoning of Death/Sempiternal Tragedy of Winter Funeral), and friend to the LGBTPRSTLNE💩 community, V (Transformer/Decepticon), return to the beat as swingin' dicks hot on Prince Philip's, AKA the Dracula of Edinburgh's, trail. Tom comes across the naked, exposed buttocks of the relatively recently deceased People's Princess and wonders if he should or not, and V vows to defeat Princess Diana's body guard, Trevor Rees-Jones (pe...
Oct 08, 2021•2 hr 4 min
