Welcome to the Self Mastery Podcast. I am your host, Maria Fuentez, and on the show we will talk about all things the self. I believe that it all starts and ends with you, and every one of us has the ability to create the life we've always wanted. I'm here to help you expand your mind, conquer your limiting beliefs, and guide you to ultimate self-love and magnetizing confidence you've come to the right place.
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This program is normally $555, but I'll be giving my listeners a special discount of $225 off. By using the code muse. The link is in the footnotes. Now let's get into this week's episode Hey guys, welcome to this week's episode today. As you can see by the title, we will be talking about being a high value woman and what that means, and at least what it means to me, because I've seen this word be thrown around a lot lately.
And usually when I see it on Instagram being thrown around and has to do in relationship with men and how men view us and are we high value enough for men to. Be attracted to us or want to be around us or be with us. And I kind of want to just break this down a little bit, being high value to me means that you hold yourself to a high value that you think of yourself in a high value way.
And to me, it has very little to do with being in a relationship with someone or how men are attracted to you or not. It has, but it has everything to do with what you feel about yourself and how you value yourself. So what I even mean by that? I think in order to become high value in life, just as a high, as a woman, right? You want to be high value. As very little or nothing to do with. What you bring to the table in a romantic sense? What, the way you look like.
It has nothing to do with the exterior stuff. And it has everything to do with your insights, with your brain, the way you think, your mindset, your values. How and how you lead with integrity. If you even know what your core values are to me, that's where it starts. And it's been a process for me because I do now in the stage of my life, do consider myself a very high value woman. And it took a lot for me to get here and it took a lot of deep digging for me to get here.
And it doesn't mean that I wasn't high value before. I just didn't think of myself as high value before I, and that stage in my life. Yours. Past years when I was in relationships, when I was in friendships, when I was in relationship with anyone else, I didn't consider myself high value. And so I put up with a lot. I dealt with a lot of stuff. I. Let people in my life and in my surroundings that didn't really belong.
So in this episode, when I kind of want to just go through is what a high value woman means to me. And then I hope that it resonates with you because you should be considering yourself high value and hold yourself to these high standards. So then in relationship, when you do want to attract somebody, or if you're in a relationship that person can see you as a high value woman as well, but first you have to own it and you have to believe it yourself.
You have to truly embody what it means to be high value. So let's start off with knowing who you are. I talk about this so much on my Instagram and I talk about this so much. Here is getting to know yourself, your, your standards, your core values. Your integrity. Your emotions, understanding every part of you. That to me, that's where it all starts. If you don't understand yourself, you can't love yourself. You can't hold yourself to a higher value.
So really breaking it down to who are you at your core? Not what society has brought you to become, not what society has made you think you have to look like act like, but who you truly are to your essence, to your true, authentic self, and also who you're becoming. Right? Because we're all here to evolve. And grow and change.
Your true, authentic self is who you were before society, your parents and everything else and your peers and everyone else around you kind of help mold you to who you are today. And it's not necessarily a bad thing. I think people around us end up actually showing us more of who we are and what we want, what we don't want. We just don't want to get so far off from who we truly are authentically, that we don't even recognize ourselves. So really having a deep understanding of who we truly are.
I think that's the most important way to start finding our value in finding our voice and finding who we really are and where we want to be, where we want to go. And then integrity. When, when I say integrity is where are you willing to compromise yourself? Where are you not? Are you holding boundaries? Are you staying true to yourself? And are you able to do this? With duality. Are you able to be soft and stern?
Are you able to be powerful and kind, can you do both to me a high value woman means that you're able to hold duality so beautifully. You're able to be sad, feel your emotions, but also be happy and care. And I don't mean in the same moments, right? Like we can't be sad and happy at the same time. But in the same day, within the same few hours, within the same week that we were able to hold everything that we feel, and we are. At the same time and not go from one extreme to the other extreme.
Right. Just because you've had a rough day doesn't mean it's a whole, the whole day is ruined or you've had a rough moment. Doesn't mean the whole day is ruined or you've had a rough week. Doesn't mean the whole week is ruined. Being able to hold that beautiful duality of being soft, being loving, being feminine, being in our joyous true self. But also being stern, having boundaries, setting those boundaries, doing so in a loving way can be.
You can be powerful and never have to raise your voice. You can have strength and never have to act like a man in order to be viewed us. Powerful. And having strength, right? Being able to hold that duality to me makes you a high value woman because I've learned through my journey. That unless we truly. Embrace our power. We will, we will go the opposite. And because as women. We want to be nice. We want to be liked. We want to be nice. We don't want it come off as being a bitch.
We don't want to come off as being too much as being too strong. So we will be nice until we're not anymore. And then we will go to off the other deepen and we will be vicious and gross. And nasty and seeming things. And say things that we'll regret, but because we think now we're showing power. Oh, we've been nice, but now we're going to be. Just the whole opposite.
And to me being a high value woman, being your true essence is being able to hold the two and never having to go from one extreme to the other. You shouldn't, over-give so much or. Be so far off who you are, where you're kind of being a pushover, a doormat. You're not even sure how people end up just overstepping their, their stay with you or not caring for you or doing things to you that hurt you over and over again. You're not allowing that to happen. And the opposite is true as well.
You're not allowing yourself to get to the. The place where you're sick of it. You're so sick of it that you kind of go off the deep end and you have to scream and you have to yell and you have to cut people off and you have to be ugly and you have to save mean things. I've been in both situations. And most, most of the time I've actually lived in the, um, over-giving I'm, over-giving now I'm resentful. Now. I, you know, I don't even know what I want.
I don't hold boundaries, but then I get mad when peoples overstep my boundaries. I didn't understand myself enough to even know how I would get to these points, but I felt like a ping pong ball. Like I would go from one extreme to the other and I was like, how do I hold. My self to a higher standard. And it wasn't until the beginning of this year that I started to really embrace the concept. I understood what I wanted, but I couldn't really live it.
And being in the relationship that I'm in now has helped me actually, because I'm able to in a very powerful way, say what I needed and what I want out of the relationship, how I want to be treated. But I don't have to be a bitch about it. I don't have to be overly powerful so that he understands and yell and scream. I can be soft and be in my feminine. And say what I want and what I need, because it's coming out of a place of power, not out of a place of, oh my God. I feel so.
Over-giving I feel so drained. I feel like I'm. Uh, nobody, nobody even cares about me. So now I have to yell and scream and now everyone has to hear me roar. That is not healthy. Right. But in order to get to this place, I had to get really honest with myself. What am I willing to put up with? What are my standards? What are my values? And what am I not willing to compromise myself with or for anymore?
And whoever's meant to be in your life, will understand this and will consider you a high value woman, because you're clear on these things. Most of us are never really clear on what it is that we want, what we like, what we're willing to put up with. What our compromises are, what our boundaries are, what we're not willing to compromise, how much you're willing to give how much you're not willing to give.
These are all things that you owe to yourself to understand about yourself so that others can understand as well. Because at the end of the day, you can not be mad at somebody overstepping a certain boundary that they never even knew you had. Or a standard or not meeting a standard that they didn't even know you had. I hear so many times. My girlfriends and friends and people that I've worked with say to me, well, they, my guy should just know, or that person should have just known.
I mean, I've done all these other things they should have just known. No, one's here to read our minds, right? We need to know ourselves well enough. It's our responsibility. As a matter of fact, to know ourselves well enough. To be able to explain to others how we want to be treated. And again, it does not have to come from an ugly place and it's going to get messy at the beginning. It was messy for me, my relationship with my ex-boyfriend. We wanted to stay friends. We're still friendly now.
But at the beginning, I, it felt so uncomfortable for me. This was last year. The end of last year. So uncomfortable for me to tell him. That I needed space and time to not be his friend, even though I said, because I wanted a sound, I wanted to be the nice guy. I had said, yes, we'll stay friends, even though it didn't really feel aligned at the moment, because I knew I was going through some emotions, but I said, yeah, I want to be friends with you.
And then I did not want to not be nice and be portrayed as maybe being a bitch. So I held in how I was feeling for a little while and stayed friendly with him, but I get to see my quality of life, kind of deteriorating. I felt really emotional and I felt like I was just stuck in these like ugly emotions in the breakup. And I knew that I had to tell him, Hey, I need a break. I need to just be by myself and not talk to you. But I was so afraid. To be seen as mean. Or a bitch.
That I decided to just shut up and not do it and not say anything. And then I did, but when I did it, wasn't nice. It wasn't soft. It wasn't caring. I said it and I was not nice. I was, I was in my anger. I was because it's easier. If you put yourself in an angry place is easier. For you to tell people what you need them. Right. If you're cause it's easier, right? Like if you're angry, Oh, you hurt me. You made me angry. It's so much easier for me to put you in your place now.
Because now I can be a victim and you're the bad guy. And toxic relationships. I've learned this with multiple therapists, but there's the first couples therapist that I went to said that there is this triangle of drama. I forgot what it's called. It's not the triangle of drama, but that's what I would call it. And in every situation where there's conflict. There's always a prosecutor, a victim, or a rescuer.
And so in order for us, when we're in toxic relationships, when we're not able to healthily communicate our feelings, our emotions, and do so from a place of power, instead of weakness, what we do is that we become one of these three in order to have some conflict in order to feel like now we can talk about our emotions, but it's never a healthy way. Right? And I think that's something that we as women, especially we have to work through because we're always going to want to feel.
Like the nice person, like the caring person, not, we never want to seem like the back end. We don't want to feel like the bad guy. So I definitely feel tension sometimes when I want to say what I have to say. And I have to remember and remind myself, like, it's okay, this tension is spine, right. But if I don't work passing on a push past that I know what the opposite is. The opposite is me not really valuing myself enough.
Then eventually being sick and tired, being resentful and being mad and then having a big blow up fight because of it. So I realized these toxic behaviors. And myself, right. And being part of being a high value woman and valuing yourself highly. Right? Cause that's all it is. You value yourself highly. You have to know what these toxic traits are of yours and it doesn't make you a toxic person. You can have toxic traits doesn't mean that you are a toxic human. I honestly don't believe.
That there are toxic humans. We all just have toxicity in us. And unless we're willing to really look inside, take a step back. How bird's eye view of where do I get stuck? Right. Like, think if we're all going through like a corn maze. What was, do we keep hitting? Right? Where do we keep getting stuck in this corn maze?
Where we were just kind of like going back and forth and, and we're stuck in the same patterns or we're stuck in the same area and we're not able to get through this maze of life. And being honest with yourself is part of that, and I think it's powerful. Like I said, once you get to know yourself well enough, they start practicing setting those standards and those boundaries in a loving and kind way. Fast-forward true. Power is when you're able to tell somebody, Hey.
What you said, and didn't really, I don't like it, but because this is how I feel and take responsibility for your emotions. That's power. That's you valuing yourself? That's you valuing yourself before anyone and before anything, because it's a lot easier to make people the bad guy or make yourself the victim, but if you decide to really get yourself out of that, that's true power. That's valuing yourself to the highest level.
Now let's talk a little bit about what it means to be a high value woman in the dating scene. I wasn't a single February long, a single for a few months. But I did date a little bit enough to know that that's none of those people I wanted to date long-term or be with, but when. I did date. I want to say. I didn't waste anyone's time. Because I've spent so much time. Being alone and getting to know myself while I was in a relationship.
And then after the relationship in the last four years really have, have been really understanding myself to a higher level. When I went on dates, even if I talked to a person for about a week or so, even honestly, the first date I would know. This isn't for me. This we're not aligned. Right. I knew what questions to ask. In order to get to that part faster and quicker, because I don't believe in wasting time.
I don't believe in stringing people along because I'm bored or because it's convenient or because it's luxurious or lucrative or exciting, or I'm being taken here. I'm being taken there. True power. And if you want to be a high value, woman is saying no to the things that seem attractive, but are not for you. If you can say none of the things that are attractive, but not for you, that's power. And that's holding yourself to a higher value.
Especially if you're an attractive woman, you're going to have men all over you, giving you stuff, asking you to go on trips, taking you on dates. But the more you waste your energy on people that are not for you. The higher, the lower your value of yourself is going to be, you're going to value yourself a little lower every single time, because now you're compromising yourself.
You know that this person doesn't meet your standards, doesn't meet you where you're at or what you want, but yet you're lowering yourself to that vibration into that energy in order not to feel bored. In order to not be alone in order to, you know, go on that trip because it's a free trip or because it's free dinner or because it's a cool experience, whatever it is you want to tell yourself. And the reason I'm saying this is because I've been there in the past.
You know, in my early twenties, I'll be honest. I wasn't really married. And then I've been in a relationship. I love being in a relationship. And that's something that I honestly didn't really love to say before, because I thought there was shame in that, but now I'm so empowered in who I am, and I love being in a relationship. And I'm totally fine with it. But in my early twenties, I definitely did string along people just because I was, I didn't want to be bored.
Because I did want to get entertained because I wanted to be flown around and be taken on trips. But I realized that I didn't feel good about myself because even though I told that person, Hey, I don't want a relationship. I still energetically with stringing them along. And when you attach yourself to people that aren't for you. Over and over and over again, you're diminishing. Your value. You're diminishing your quality of life. You're diminishing who you truly are.
And again, it brings us back to who are you really? And in your twenties, I don't know if you're listening to this and you're in your twenties. I don't expect you to have it all figured out. This is something you're going to go through in waves. And things are gonna happen and you're going to realize a lot of stuff. but the more you live life, the more you understand that you don't want to be around people that aren't meant for you. And you'll start to really filter people out quickly before.
Before wasting more time and wasting that person's time as well. And then once you're in a relationship or you start dating somebody seriously. Ask yourself. What is it that I want out of this relationship? Where do I see this relationship going and have those hard conversations up front? Let them know where your timeline is. And it, I think we're, we're living in this era of people, not wanting to be honest with themselves, what it is that they want a front.
So what happens is in the end of losing years of their lives, because neither of them were on the same page to begin with. And the very same thing that you're not willing to talk about early on, so have the tough conversations at the beginning. And a man, if you're listening to this and you're a woman, you think, oh my God, I can never tell a man that I just met her, that I just started dating what it is that I want and what my standards are. He's gonna think I'm crazy. And I'm being too much.
No, he won't. A high value man. One thing, a high value woman is too much. A low level, man will think a high value woman is too much. Yes, absolutely. Right. And if you think, well, I've done, I've tried this before. You know, I told this guy that I was on a date with and I thought he was a high value man. And I told him what I wanted. And he still didn't like it. Well, Ask yourself. Was that somebody that was actually meant for you? Maybe.
How did you come up and how did you show up when you set these things to this person? Because a lot of times, actually my boyfriend told me this. He was like, I would date women. He told me the other day that he's, he loved the way that I tell him what it is that I need and want without being like, aggressive about it. And I said, well, tell me more, why do you say this? And he said, well, I've dated women. And they're like, well, I need this. And I need that.
And I told him, I said, honestly, Just in being a woman, myself and knowing other women. They do this because most women aren't confident in who they are and what they want, so they have to be bitchy about it. So if you've dated people and you've been bitchy about what your standards are, yes, no one wants. A woman that's not in her power. That doesn't feel good. That feels like it's demanding. And it feels like it's. Not something that's genuine.
That's coming from a place of just grounded in who you are. It's coming from a place of lack. And tension and aggressiveness. A real man is not going to take that from a woman because a real high value, man, doesn't want to be talked to like he's a dog doesn't want to be talked to like he's beneath a woman. You have to hold that duality. I talked about earlier. And how do you do that? When I talk to my man, I'm soft and I'm caring and I come to him after I've processed my emotion.
And after I've processed what it is that I really want out of that conversation. And then I go to him in a loving, caring way. And I tell him what it is that I want and what it is that I feel. Or I'll come up in conversation and I say, yeah, you know, that's actually really important to me. I have, I've actually said this to him. I've said to him as a high value woman as being an independent woman.
I've had the opposite happened where men kind of take a back seat and there, they gave me the she's got a treatment. And I said, I won't allow that anymore. Like, that's not okay. And I hope that I can share this with you now. And I hope that if in the future, I feel like this is happening. I can bring it up to you and he was like, absolutely. And he's like, tell me how I can show up for you in that way, because a real high value man, that. Sees you as high value as well.
Is never going to want to lose you is going to hold you to a higher standard. So he's going to want to know what, in what ways can he keep showing up for you? And if it's something that's important for you, or you're able to say it out of a grounding place, out of a place of strength. 'cause you know who you are.
You're not doing it because Sally, my best friend, Sally told me to never take shit from a guy and that he better buy my dinner and that he better buy me shoes and he better buy me a bag. So now I have to tell my guy that I just met her. You better buy me back? No. And I'm about. If you're listening to this and I'm offending you, I'm sorry, but that is not in your, not in your power. Amanda's and have to buy you things in order for him to show up for you and be a high value, man.
Amanda's I have to pay your way. In order for that to happen either. You, if you want an independent man that is high value is financially stable. Is all these other things that you want. You have to become that. Or if not, You're going to be at his mercy. We all want a powerful man. We want a man that has his shit together. That has a career that has money that has all these things. But how are you showing up for yourself? What are you doing to get your life to the next level?
What are you doing to become that yourself? We're only an attract energetically. What we're a match to. If you're attracting men with money and goals and vision. And an ambition and a drive and all these things, and you don't have that yourself. Eventually you'll be his mercy. He will control you and he will want you because you're, you're lacking all those things. And one day you'll say, well, what am I doing here in this relationship? I have nothing. I'm just here for him.
So again, I figure out what it is that you want and that's okay if that's what you want as well. If you, if you really look inside and you're like authentically who you are to your core is I want X, Y, and Z and a man, but I don't want that. I just want him to have that because I want to live a life that looks like this. Great. You will find that and you will attract that as well. But what I'm trying to get at is you can't attract the opposite.
And expect it to work and you can't attract out of a place of need. You can't need somebody to come rescue you or save you because again, that's not, you're not grounded in your power. You're not grounded in yourself. You're not grounded into who you truly are. So understanding what you want and be able to hold duality, all your emotions, all your feelings, what you want. And do so in a graceful way to me is what a high value woman is. And that's how you show up for yourself first.
That's how you get to know yourself. And in the dating world. That's how you'll filter out. Who's meant for you. And who's not when you're really, really committed to who you are and setting those standards and not wasting your time, not wasting your energy. And then once you're in a relationship, you're able to do that in a relationship as well. And as you grow and evolve in that relationship, things will change. I'm sure your standards will change or your values might change a little bit.
And just keeping that at the forefront as well, because you are so grounded in yourself. So. That's all I have for this episode.
And I hope I didn't ramble off a little too much on, on this topic, but it's something that I've been wanting to sit here and talk about for a while, because like I said, I think this high value stuff could be a little misleading online to think that in order to be a high value woman, you have to be all these things and, and look great and look sexy and be attractive and have your shit together and have a business. And. You know, be in your feminine energy and.
We live in this era where we feel like we have to do so much, but really just bringing it back to you and who you truly are because that's all that matters. The right person, the right man will love you and care for you and acknowledge you for everything that you are, but you first have to embody your best self. And your most authentic self. So that's all, I hope you guys have a beautiful week and I can't wait to talk to you next week.