Welcome to the Self Mastery Podcast. I am your host, Maria Fuentez, and on the show we will talk about all things the self. I believe that it all starts and ends with you, and every one of us has the ability to create the life we've always wanted. I'm here to help you expand your mind, conquer your limiting beliefs, and guide you to ultimate self-love and magnetizing confidence you've come to the right place.
If you're ready to take full ownership of your life and find your true, authentic, Welcome to your weekly dose of transformation. Hey guys, welcome to this week's episode of self-mastery with Maria. I'm so excited that you're here. Thank you for tuning in and listening. I'm going to say that this is going to be a part two to one of my very first episodes. Which was healing herself through a breakup and three lessons that I hadn't learned.
I figured that it's been a few months now and I wanted to make a little update. On that and just things that I've learned and other things that I want to talk about because healing is not linear and you're not, you can't just heal overnight. And when I recorded that episode, I think I was like two, three months post breakup. and I also was going through a healing process, healing my divorce as well. I didn't recognize it at the time, but I, I definitely was healing through my divorce.
Cause if, if you're new here, I was married for about six years together for seven. And then I jumped right into another relationship right after my breakup. And part of what I want to share on this podcast is mastering your emotions and breakups and anything that has to do with yourself because I'm very emotionally driven. And thinking back and looking back, most of my bigger decisions have all been emotionally charged.
So being able to become a master of your emotions and know how they drive you and how they don't drive you is so important. So I want to share just where I'm at in life and other things that I've picked up and other things that I've learned, not only about myself, but learned about the healing process. Now that I've actually given myself time to heal. From my breakup and my divorce. And I can't wait to get into them, but before we get into it, let me just say that.
When I think it was my first episode, if not my second after my intro, I went back and I listened to it. Just now just to like, remember what I said and remember what my three top lessons were. And they were kind of crunchy, not what I said, but just my editing skills on that episode, it was. It was kind of crazy because I remember being so scared and nervous when I started my podcast. And I remember just throwing out the episode and I was just learning how to edit or do anything.
So I just threw it out there. And this was the first time I listened back to it. And it's the episode that's been downloaded the most. So there, it goes to show you that if you're scared of doing anything, just go for it because it doesn't even matter that it's messy. People want to hear from you. If you have something to share with the world, just go into it. It's important. Help one person every day. That's what Jen got lip says. And that's what I try to live by.
Because if you can change one person's perspective or their mind or their heart, or help them in any way, why not do it right? So let's, now that I've already said that, go listen to it after this, if you want. So just so you can see the different energy, I probably even sound different. Has been, I think I released it February and I don't think I know I released it February six, because that was an important day too. That was my wedding anniversary. You guys.
I didn't even realize it until February 6th. When I launched my podcast, I was like, wow. That was the day that I had so much. Energetic charge to it in a different way. It had all these other emotions tied to it. And now if it will forever be the day that I launched something amazing that I've always wanted to work on. So February six was the first episode I launched on here. And. That's been one March, April, may.
So it's been three months in, so I'm hoping that I'm a little better and that I sound a little different in my editing skills. I've gotten better, but yeah, if you haven't, if you want to. You know, get some good insights, but also chuckle a little at my stalling and my pauses. I didn't realize I paused and started, started reading my notes. Just go listen to it. Now the updated version of Maria does have notes sometimes, but she has better. I think skills. Sorry. So let's dive into this.
This healing from heartbreak episode. I would say the biggest lesson that I've learned in the last three months, since that episode launch. Was that you have to feel all the emotions that come with heartbreak, all the long, big, extended range of emotions, because I definitely went through all of them. And if you're not able to accept them, you'll get stuck in one emotion and you'll stay there and you'll stay stagnant.
That's why a lot of people just can't get over somebody or can get over the relationship or what it should have been or what should it looked like? But you're going to get sad. You're going to feel sadness and that's okay. You're going to feel anger. Sometimes you'll even feel resentment.
And I will tell you from my own personal experience, if you feel anger was that minute, it was probably because you were compromising yourself in some way, shape or form, and don't beat yourself up about it when you're feeling all that, just let those emotions flow through you. I can't say I did so, so gracefully.
I remember even sending like a pretty, ugly text about what my emotions were at the time to my ex-boyfriend, because we decided that we were going to stay friends after a breakup, which in theory sounded amazing. Right. It sounded like perfect. Like, yeah, I'm going to. Move to Orlando. We're going to be friends. We're going to be. Best buddies like we were, and all these emotions are just going to like, yeah, go somewhere. I don't know where they're going to go.
And I really had to step in and say, I just need time for myself. I need to heal. Especially after sending him that message, because that message wasn't very nice. When even though there were my raw real emotions, it wasn't fair to him to get that. Anger and resentment now after a breakup, because all it's going to do is going to tarnish our friendship or what could be your friendship. So I decided to just take time for myself. That's something that I also advise you to do.
If being friends with your ex something that's important to you. If you both value having each other in your lives. And you want to stay friends with your ex, give yourself the time and the space to heal from the breakup first. Especially, if you have a lot of anger and resentment towards the relationship or how you showed up in the relationship or how that person showed up in the relationship, because that person's going to evolve, you're going to see them changing.
You're going to see them having a lot of hot moments and a lot of changes that they're going to start making that they weren't willing to do or make while you were together. And they're going to start really irritating you. So. If you want to love somebody and be there for them as a friend, a true friend, doesn't resent or feel anger when somebody changes and evolves, they see them. And are able to see them objectively and just love on them and care for them.
And just be so happy that they're evolving that they're growing, but if you have all this charged emotions that you haven't been able to release and feel out, you're not going to be able to have a good, healthy relationship or friendship with that person. So recognize where you're at and stay true to it. Don't say, well, I said I was going to stay friends with them. If that person is meant to be in your life and that person is meant to be a friend or your staff person is.
Oh, good hearted person. They actually genuinely care about you. They're going to give you that time and space, even if they might not like it. Even if at that moment when you're telling them they don't understand. Maybe if they. Give you a hard time about it. Just stay true to yourself and set those boundaries that you need to protect your heart because feeling those emotions. I also means keeping some good boundaries around them. Because you're not gonna allow yourself to really heal.
If you have all these outside. Noise coming in, specially from the person that you're trying to heal from. And that was something that I think in February when I posted that last, that episode about healing, I think I was, I had already told him, like I needed some space to heal and be by myself. And that was, that was a game changer for me because I was actually able to sit alone with my thoughts and feel them all, all the ranges of emotions, all the sadness, the happiness.
Anything that would come up. I was able to actually feel it. And not judge them. So not, and don't judge your emotions, even though it's so hard, as I'm saying, and I'm like, well, I do it often. But when I feel like I'm judging my emotions, I think to myself, Why are you judging this? Why is this so hard for you? Why is this feeling so hard for you to feel. Because at the end of the day, if you look at things, subjectively emotions are natural and normal.
And it's our reaction to our emotions that can make or break our thoughts or our day. Or how we interact with others. So every time I feel any resistance towards whatever it is that I'm feeling at the moment, or I'm feeling some sort of way about the first emotion, I go back to the original emotion. And I did this a lot after my breakup. I was like, okay. I'm feeling angry right now. Then I started questioning, why am I feeling angry? I'm like, no, I just, I feel angry.
It's okay, let me go journal. Let me go tap it out. Have you been listening to me for a while? I do emotional freedom techniques, which is tapping on your Meridian points. Which helps your nervous system release emotions faster. And I would go tap it out or I would journal about it, or I would speak to a friend, somebody that would listen to me objective and not. You know, not bad mouth. My ex are not telling me. Yeah, you're right.
And that person didn't deserve you or anything like that because it's just extra negativity and extra vibration. Say you don't need. In your life. So surround yourself also with people that understand where you're coming from and understand why that relationship didn't work out or, or your marriage. Because I remember there was a lot of anger that I felt in a lot of frustration and a lot of different people's opinions that came after my divorce that I definitely let in.
And I didn't fully understand where my own emotions were because I had all the outside noise. So set those boundaries, protect your heart, protect your emotions so that you're able to understand them better. And that's going to kind of lead me to my next point here. Understanding yourself emotionally also means understanding the relationship and what it was objectives.
So after you're giving yourself a few months or few weeks, however long it is that you feel like you needed to go through those ranges of emotions, the sadness. The anger, the resentment, the loss, the. The morning, whatever it is that you want to name it. Go back to how you showed up into the relationship. But not in a place that you're emotionally charged, but it's an, a negative emotionally charged place. See it as okay. How did I show up as a human to this other human?
What could I have done differently? What could I have done better? And that's probably going to bring up a lot of emotions for you as well as, oh, I should've done this. What if I would've done this? Would that have changed anything? But if you do this from a place where you have acknowledged all your emotions, you'll be able to actively see it without being so emotionally connected to it anymore.
You'll see yourself as two individuals that found each other fell in love had this relationship, but then it didn't work out for whatever reasons. I also think that when we can't see our relationship with somebody objective. Really, it also has a lot to do with our ego. Our ego saw this whole relationship being something beautiful. We had this idea of what it would be like, and now that it's not anymore. Our egos can let that go.
Our egos are so tied to what it should have been and what it should have looked like. And so we have to find somebody to blame and if we're not willing to blame ourselves and we're going to blame the partner that we were with. So figure out where it is that you are holding onto this idea of what it should have been, where your ego might be holding onto it as well. And let go of it because your ego is going to try to keep you trapped in that. And the truth is that.
It's kind of scary to think, but it's the truth. Most relationships have an expiration date very little time, especially in the times that we live in now, do we see people lasting and being married for years on end not saying it's not possible, but it takes a lot of work. And if you were able to experience how you're one of those lucky few, right. But unfortunately, most relationships even non-romantic ones have an expiration date.
So how I started seeing my relationships, even with my ex-husband or with my ex-boyfriend. Was there were soul contracts that I had with these two men. And that was an amazing experience and amazing time that I had with them, but it had to end. Not because they were bad or I was bad or the relationship was crap. There was obviously moments that didn't make the relationship happy, or if not, we would still be in it. Right. There was reasons why we didn't stay together.
But I'm able to see it more objectively in the sense of my soul contract ended with this person. But I still can find so much love and compassion for what the relationship was and what it taught me. And being able to see the lessons behind everything cause everything that breaks your heart. after a breakup, you just feel broken, you feel exhausted, you feel tired.
You question, you feel all these ranges of emotions, but every time that we're in those spaces, if you look Back in your life, So much growth comes from a, so many lessons are there to be seen, but we have to be open and receptive to them. Because if we stay stuck in the why that this happened, or every time I just keep attracting the same men or. It was a guy's father. No, really, really ask yourself objectively, how did I show up for this relationship? How could I have done better?
Where there, my trauma show up in this relationship? Because a lot of times we show up with our best selves. When we first meet somebody, it's not even who we are, it's who we want to be. And little by little, you know, the honeymoon phase is what they call it, that goes away. And then our traumas and our triggers and everything else comes out. And then we realize, okay. These are, this is almost somebody different, like who even is this person?
I don't even know who this person is and people either grow from that or they grow apart, or they realize that maybe that relationship is just not meant for them because of those traumas and triggers. But if you are not able to objectively figure out where you showed up or maybe didn't show up and are able to move. Through that and be able to learn from it so that you're not making the same mistakes or you're not having to learn the same lessons.
A lot of us get stuck in these cycles after a breakup or after a relationship. And we keep blaming other people or you, we keep blaming the universe or God, or I don't understand, or why does this have to happen to me? Or why do I keep getting this? But it's our own toxic cycle. I was actually just talking to my niece about this the other day. And I was like, Old Maria would have just jumped right into another relationship. It's easy thing. It's what I know best. It's how I feel comfortable.
It's how I feel stability in my life. And I just put all my eggs in one basket and I just lose myself completely in a relationship. And I forget all about myself. If I wasn't able to pinpoint this and actually realize that this is my own cycle. I would be with somebody else. It would last a couple of years. It might be great. Couple of years, of course. Right. I'm not manifesting people that aren't amazing in my life. Everyone that I've met since I can remember.
How about have all been amazing people? They're just, you know, relationships, like I said, end. But what I have had a happy, true, like truly happy and connected. In an emotionally stable and happy way with somebody? No. Cause it would have been I'm finding and I'm looking for somebody else to fill the void that the other person left. And I I've noticed that those are my own toxic cycles and that's how I've shown up. I'm a sucker for love. I love, love, I will say that.
And I think I've said this plenty of times here. I'm a romantic, I love emotions. I go deep into emotions. I go deep into bonds with somebody when I feel like connection. And it's hard for me to feel connection with everyone. So when I see that, or I feel that I'm like, I'm ready to just dive in. If you interrupt that cycle, what you're telling the universe, you're telling God you're telling. Whoever you're telling them that you want better. You're doing better. You're choosing better.
And finding somebody else just to fill the void that the last person left will always leave you feeling empty. Because you're not finding somebody or you're not looking for somebody or you're not attracting somebody out of wholeness. You're attracting somebody out of, you know, well, this last person didn't give me X, Y, and Z. So now I need you to come fill it. And a lot of times, if you think about it, you do find somebody that's like, oh my God, they're amazing.
The next person writes, feels so fresh and so new and so amazing. They might have all this characteristics that the last person that did and all these. You know, things that match your vibe now and match your energy now. And you think this is it. This is my soul mate. I would say be wary of that because sometimes we just choose the next partner. Out of emptiness and trying to fill another void.
And that's something that I'm walking so cautiously with, because I don't want to fall in the same trap. I don't want to fall in the same cycle. I've done enough work in myself. And I have a lot of self-awareness enough to know that that's something I want to interrupt and not fall victim of again, because at the end of the day, we all make choices. We all are able to interrupt these patterns.
We're all able to see ourselves objectively and recognize where we are coming up short, where we are attracting this. The same, either the same type of person or we're attracting the same type of relationship that starts off. Amazing. And then at least for me, I'm just giving you, my example starts off. Amazing. It starts off like almost too good to be true. And then when, the dust settles. You're like, wait a minute. This isn't even what I thought it was.
And it's because it always came from an empty place. It came from a place and we try to fill a void. Somebody else left instead of filling my own cup. And in that first episode that I talked about, the three core lessons was definitely spending time alone. And I'm going to reiterate it here because guys. It was something that I'd never done my whole life. The last, I think it's been like six months now.
Or five-ish, I don't even know it's been, it's been a few months and I can't tell you the last time that I slept alone in a bed or that I had just solid two to where I wasn't filling up my time. Because even before I met my ex-husband, I would go out and party. And, you know, if I had breakups or whatever, I would go fill up my time with alcohol numbing behaviors. Like whatever I could put my hands on. I just never sat down long enough to feel anything. I just went from one thing to the next.
So actually being able to feel my emotions in solitude after my breakup. Was something that was so hard. It was very difficult. I'm not going to sit here and tell you it's easy, but it was something, it was so necessary for my growth, because I could literally feel my body and my brain and my emotions just transform. The last few months because of it. 'cause I don't, I'm not afraid to be alone. I know what it feels like to be alone.
And now I'm comfortable in my solitude because now it doesn't feel lonely at the beginning. It did. It felt really lonely, but now I'm so comfortable in my own solitude that I don't feel the need to go. Do Something to fill my time and fill my energy with now. I actually just enjoy my solitude a little way too much. I'm a little scared. I'm going to become antisocial and not want to ever leave my house. But. Be alone.
It's another one that I want to share with you guys learn to be in your own presence. Learn to not have to completely fill up your time when you're feeling that. You know, that anxiousness, that just uncomfortableness of. Oh, my God. I'm alone. I'm alone with my thoughts. I feel so lonely. I don't feel happy. I should be with somebody. I should be doing this. I should be doing that in those moments.
Those are the growth moments when you sit in that uncomfortableness, that's when growth really truly happens. I promise you once you're on the other side of it, I feel like everyone feels so much better afterwards. And I think I touched on this point as well in my last episode about. Breakups, but I finding myself the last few months has also been so important. And if you're in your thirties, like me, I'm in my early thirties.
And like I've said, I've been in a relationship pretty much last decade of my life. So not really knowing what I wanted was a big one for me. So when I moved out and I sat down with myself and I actually just. Honed in on who I was and what I wanted, and to be able to do all these different things, I've gone to a spiritual retreat. I've hired a personal trainer because that seemed to always be an issue in my past relationships. I've.
Been able to just do things without thinking that I have to check in on someone or check if it's okay with somebody else's energy. Just really understanding who I am and what I want has been so important. And in my thirties, because I'm not who I was in my twenties, I'm not who I was in those relationships. So who am I now and becoming really clear on that. And the more time passes, to be honest, the more clear I get in my interactions with people. And even I talked about when I go on dates is.
I'm in my own power. Now I, there's not a lot of things that are going to shake me up or tell me, or come into my life that are going to make me want different. If I choose something or I want to do something it's because I want to do it. No, one's going to come. Rattle me up and make me think that I want to, or that I want to change my mind because of something somebody says, being in your power feels empowering, right? Being in your power feels empowering.
And I can't even say that I felt this ever truly in my whole life until now, especially if you're going into a new era in your life. And you know, your thirties are a new era, your forties or wherever you're at in life. If it's in your twenties, Like really being alone and being able to hone in on what you want, so that way, when you start dating, when you want to get out there again, when you want to tap into a relationship.
It won't feel like before you won't do things because of other people or you won't compromise yourself because of others you'll stay true to yourself. And if it works, it works. And if it doesn't, it doesn't. And I will tell you, cause this is where I'm at right now. Also don't go extreme because I have been so extreme in a lot of my life, in so many different areas. And now that I've been alone and I've been just like really honing in on myself.
And in a sense after my spiritual retreat, I really feel like my healing. 10 folded, you know, like I was able to spend a whole week with my thoughts, my emotions, and heal my traumas. Not only with my breakups, my relationships, but just in general with my childhood, with my mother wounds, with all these things that I have. That I, that I don't think that a lot of people are able to do this. I have work. That's very flexible. I don't have children.
I've been able to really focus on myself the last five months. So I can't say that my story is going to look the same as yours does because I'm sure people have kids or they have jobs, or they have things that the can really stop. You know, they can stop life to go heal from a breakup. So I've been very fortunate to give myself this time and be able to really. Heal my heart. But what I'm trying to get at before I go away off tracks, I do this sometimes, but.
Don't be extreme in the sense of okay. I'm healing. So that means I should not let anyone in ever, or if something feels like it's kind of good, but I, but I said, I would do this. Like, don't go one or two extremes. Follow your intuition, but then have to certain mint into knowing that if it doesn't work out, it's okay as well. This is a big missing piece for a lot of us again, into relationships is that we go all in and we fall in love.
And, you know, they say love is blind because it is, we all go in just head first and we fall in love so hard. And we don't think if this doesn't work out, will I be okay? We think no, it's going to work out how this whole illusion of what it's gonna look like. It's going to be great. But when you start dating again, when you start opening yourself up after a breakup, Or if you want to get emotionally connected to somebody, I think it's a different energy.
If you go into it with, um, I'm leading with my intuition, this feels good. I'm going to lean into it a little bit. I'm going to be cautious. I'm going to protect myself. But I'm also going to have to start a minute into knowing that if it doesn't work out, I'm going to be okay. And it's okay. Because I followed my intuition and if it doesn't work out. It doesn't matter. 'cause, I'm not, I know how to be alone. I know how breakups work.
I know how it feels to not have the person that I loved anymore and I'm going to be okay. And I think going into that, that's how I will go into my next relationship. Whenever that is. I'm going to go into it with this feels amazing and it looks amazing, but it's also going to be a slow, steady love for me. And I'm going to go into with knowing that if it doesn't work out, it's going to be okay. And I have proof that it's going to be okay now, because I've had this time for myself.
I've had moments of loneliness and solitude and pain that I've just managed by myself. And I didn't try to fill in with other things. So don't try to be too extreme, because a lot of the things that I've been struggling with lately is can I trust myself to even let anyone in again, because in the past, right? I haven't had the best track record. And to losing myself in a relationship is, and how I show up in relationships. So finding that balance, I don't want to be extreme.
That's not where growth happens either because you can be too restrictive in any area of your life, especially in romantic and emotional relationships, because sometimes emotions just take over us in our intuition, kind of nudges us in the right direction. So follow those. Those like that little breadcrumb, because you never know where it's going to lead you, but also know that you're going to be fine. If things don't work out with that next person or whoever it is that you let in.
My last tip or advice. And I heard this after my breakup, but it said, can you love the person that you're with? Just the way that they are. Without them changing one thing for the rest of your life. And when I heard this, it just hit me that I can't say that I've truly ever. Had that, like, there was always a better version of the person that I was with, that I wanted to see, or that I hoped that they would evolve to or turn into and for myself as well, don't get me wrong.
I saw myself evolving and becoming this other person as well. But when I heard that quote or heard that saying, I don't even remember where I heard it dawned on me that so many times we get into relationships because of our traumas. And we have this idea or this ideal of who that person should become in order for us to be happy. So whoever you end up with, at least from me, the next person I end up with. That has to be hard. Yes. Right.
Because you have to love the person where they're at right now. And now where they could be. And of course, no, one's going to be perfect. No, one's going to have everything on your list. No, one's going to be the ideal person, but you have to be okay with certain things. That if they were to never change them, that you would still just be as happy and in love with them because changing them or thinking that there's going to be a better version of them are chasing that.
Is never going to make you happy. It's never going to make you truly connect with that person because they're even going to feel that energy from you that you always want them to do more and be more, and they're gonna feel. Attacked in a way, and they're not even going to know you're not even this isn't even going to be a conversation because. It's going to be all energetically because you're not going to be telling them like, Hey, maybe you are, I don't know.
Some people do, but I'd never told my ex like, Hey, I need you to be this better version of yourself. I just always pushed him to do better and be better. And looking back like that was one of the, that's one of the things that I should have just loved him where he was, because that's all I ever wanted him to do for me, but I wasn't able to do that for myself. So you see how it's all, it all comes back to you.
Okay. No matter what, you have to be able to give yourself the things that you want from others, especially in a romantic relationship. Because of now you're always going to be wanting and needing more than you're ever going to get. I hope you guys got some good knowledge out of this and I hope. This episode's a lot better than that first one. I hope you guys enjoyed this episode and don't be hard on yourself. Healing is never linear and nobody heals the same way.
So just have patience with yourself and know true to your heart, that the person that's meant to be with you. Uh, whether it's seasonally or for the rest of your life will come and just know that in the bottom of your heart and know that anything that's. Not been for you has been removed out of your life for a reason, and You can still love that person or be friends with that person, but it doesn't have to be in a romantic way.
And that's a beautiful thing because as souls, we all come into each other's lives for so many reasons. So anyways, I'm going to keep talking here, so I hope you guys enjoyed, and I can't wait to talk to you guys next week.