Welcome to the Self Mastery Podcast. I am your host, Maria Fuentez, and on the show we will talk about all things the self. I believe that it all starts and ends with you, and every one of us has the ability to create the life we've always wanted. I'm here to help you expand your mind, conquer your limiting beliefs, and guide you to ultimate self-love and magnetizing confidence you've come to the right place.
If you're ready to take full ownership of your life and find your true, authentic, Welcome to your weekly dose of transformation. Hey guys, welcome to this week's episode this week, we're going to talk about something that I feel most people struggle with. Definitely. My girlfriends and I, and, and that is the future and the anxiety that we feel around the future. And let's start off with why we even feel anxiety. Right? Anxiety is just fear. Fear of the unknown fear of what's going to happen.
And so our body and our nervous system doesn't like that. Right. We don't like feeling uncertainty. We don't like feeling. Fear of maybe not getting what we're going to actually want or fear of not being, or doing the things that we've always imagined. So instead, what we do is we create this like bubble of anxiety. That really stops us from getting what we actually want. So it's actually counter productive, but yet we all wallow in this anxiety.
I know I've done it so many times, and that's why I want to make this episode because this is a common theme. And the other day I was jogging and I don't jog. I'm not a big runner. And I started just like really going crazy about, okay, well, I'm going to start jogging and I'm training with my personal trainers. If I jog another two times a week. And then if I eat less, Carbs and eat less calories. I'm going to have abs by the summer. And I started just like planning out.
This whole like routine slash. You know, plan for the future. And it started giving me anxiety as I was running. And I was like, oh my God, I am doing it. I'm letting my little monkey mind take over. And I have to just slow my roll because that is how it all starts. That's how we start webbing. These little spider webs of anxiety is because we let our minds take over. We let our minds take control. And it's so easy because that gives us almost.
False sense of power where like, well, if I can plan out and I can predict, and I can say all the things that I want to do and how I'm going to do them, then I have some sort of safety. It gives me a false sense of power to the future and what the future holds. but the reality is that none of us have. That much power and none of us can really control the future.
And I want to give you three ways that I've learned to handle and kind of, manage my anxiety about the future And part of this podcast, I also want to talk about focusing less on the results and part of the three ways that I've learned to balance my anxiety is just learning how to really focus on what I'm doing instead of the end results and what I'm going to. You know, end up doing in the future of what that's gonna look like, because I can tell you right now at 33 years of being alive.
Nothing that I've actually planned has come out exactly how I planned. It's always been better in some way, even if the moment it doesn't feel better, it doesn't feel good. It's changed as uncomfortable. My life has turned out way better than I ever expected and everything that I want right now in the future self Maria that I want. And, and the future that I've created in my head. Is amazing, but I can only imagine if that's what I already envisioned and that's what I already picture.
I can only imagine that my real future is going to be even more amazing because that's been the track record of my life. And like I said, during the hard moments, it doesn't feel like that. And if you're listening to this and you are in a funk and you're like, well, that's great, Maria, I'm glad your life is so great right now, but how do I get there? I can empathize and I can feel you on this because I didn't always feel this way. There were so many times where I felt.
Such heavy anxiety and just like depression, even if like, wow, this is the life I want these things. And I'm so far from them. I'm so away from my dreams and how do I even become this? How do I even start? Where do I start? Or I would start, I would get a little ahead and a little, like some momentum going and then something would happen. And I always felt like, oh, it's throwing me completely off track. And. There goes everything.
And that's other things that we'll talk about maybe here in one of the three ways, but. Focusing less on the results. I promise you will make your life your day to day, even just so much happier and so much more easy. And you focusing on the day-to-day will also get you out of your own head.
And it'll start building this momentum within yourself, some more confidence and more excitement about life and excitement about the future versus dreading it and feeling like maybe the future idea, ideal that you have might not happen focusing on the day-to-day results. It's definitely going to help you. So I cannot wait to get into this. Let's start with number one. First. I started really figuring out where I was putting my value and self-worth.
Because of a lot of my anxiety of the future was the unknown. And it was a lot geared towards my career and my job and what I wanted to produce as a human in. In a financial sense. And a lot of my self-worth was tied to that. So whenever I was doing good, I was like, I fell, it fell on top of the world. I felt great. But whenever I wasn't or even actually. Oh, let me backtrack a little bit, because even when I was doing good.
I had anxiety about the future not being good, because I was like, well, it's good right now, but how do I predict and how do I prevent it from being bad or it going downhill or, you know, like the self-sabotaging would come out too. So really sitting down with yourself and being like, okay, what is validating myself worse? That's not just from myself. Like, is it, my job is in my relationships. I've done that as well.
I've done where if my relationship is not happy, especially as being such an emotional person, if my relationships weren't happy or I was in a bad place where we were fighting or anything like that, it really drained me. And it made me feel so anxious about the future. Cause I had no idea where things were going to go or how we were going to get out of that funk or get out of that fight. So sit back and ask yourself, where are you really putting your self worth? And on who or what?
Because sometimes it's on other people, friendships, relationships, jobs, our bosses, right? We want this recognition. We want all these things or is it like more exterior? Like your career being financially independent, owning a house, owning multiple properties, getting out of debt, you know, have you feel that your self worth is tied to like, maybe let's say having a lot of debt and you feel like you're just not good at this.
Like, you're not good with money or like what are you putting your self worth on? And what is, what are you getting validation from? Cause that's usually, I would say is one of the biggest predictors of why we feel anxious is because we're letting our power be managed by something else we're giving our power away. We're giving a power away to something exterior to us. So then it gets us.
It makes us really anxious about the future and it makes us anxious about where we're going and we don't really feel like we have control. Or our own power. So sit with that. Like I said, for me was a lot about. Relationships and my career, my career has been something that I've always battled with because I never really felt aligned with what I was doing. And even though I wasn't making money sometimes, and sometimes I wasn't making as much money as I wanted to.
I always put my validation and self-worth. I'm like how much I was actually making. And that is the worst thing you could do because your validation as a human and who you are yourself worth is not, it does not come from your career or your relationships. Or your business or your debt or what car you drive or what you wear, anything outside of you and who you are as a person, you have to really be happy with who you are inside. If not all these other things are going to make you really anxious.
And if you're listening to this and you're like, well, that's great, but my job's just not making me enough. So I'm anxious because I don't have money to pay my bills. As crazy as this sounds, or maybe you can't grasp it yet, but if you get out of your own head, you're going to allow and attract more of what you want versus staying stuck in your head. You're blocking. All the things that you actually want, because if you're sitting there and you're saying. I'm just broke my job.
Doesn't pay enough. I'm never going to get, make enough. I can't find a job that pays me enough. I can't do this. I can't do that. If that's the story that you're telling yourself a little bit, which we'll get into, this is actually a number two, but I'm already ahead of myself. Of course. I'm all over the place. Sometimes on my episodes. But if that is what you're saying, and that's what you're putting out there. You're going to attract more of that. Your self-talk.
So let's just jump into number two is address your negative self-talk. And what are you telling yourself? What stories are you telling yourself? Is it that, is it. I'm just broke or I'm not pretty enough. I'm not going to find a guy, you know, there's. I want to say most of my female friendships. The common theme is most women believe that they're not going to find a good guy, that good guys don't exist, that all these guys just are trashed. And they're just trying to use them.
They're trying to play with them. And all these things is if that's your self-talk. If that's what you're putting out to the university, you're just going to keep gravitating more of that. Not all men are bad, you know, not all men want the same thing. Not all men. Just want to sleep with you. Not all men want to just, you know, Go make you go through this roller coaster of hell. But if you are in that energy, that's all you're going to attract. Right?
You're going to attract like the opposite of what you actually want. You're going to be a repellent to what you want versus actually wanting. To allow the great things to come and actually allowing yourself to receive all you actually wish for versus attracting the things that you're trying hard not to. So your negative self-talk and your brain is also going to cause so much anxiety. Especially if it's all negative.
And if it's also related to other people, And a lot of your negative self-talk could be because you're not confident enough, you haven't built up your confidence. So a lot of your self talk could be. Oh, I'm just never on time, right? A lot of us say that I'm not on time or I'm not good at that. Or I suck at this. So how many times do you tell yourself? Oh my God, I'm terrible at that. Or I'm not good at that. Oh my God. I'm so stupid. Oh my God. I'm so dumb.
I know I've caught myself so much in the last two years, I've made it a point to not say anything negative about myself, because those negative self-talk those negative moments that you say, something your subconscious is always listening. And your subconscious is hearing that you're telling yourself these things and you are the most important person to your conscious and subconscious. So what are you're telling yourself is that you are these things.
So you're going to start operating in a I'm so stupid. I'm not worthy. I'm not good enough. I'm bad at this. I'm bad at that. And then you're going to keep attracting more of it because it's a story you keep telling yourself. Think of yourself as a book, you're writing your own story. You wouldn't tell somebody that you love or that you care about. There, there are these things, but for ourselves we're so easy to be so harsh on ourselves. So really focus on your negative self talk.
And the number three is take charge of the situation. Anxiety of the future is usually because we don't feel like we're in control. In some weird way. What I've learned for myself is that. I give myself a false sense of control because as humans, we do have to feel safe. That's one of our human coordinates. So in order to feel safe, you have to create that safety within yourself. Because if you don't feel safe, you're going to feel anxious. You're going to feel even more fear of the future.
So for me, how I create safety and how I take control of the situation. Is by having steps. And sometimes I do write them down and sometimes they're just mental, but for the most part, especially at the beginning of this year, what I did was I wrote down everything I want to accomplish this year. And I didn't write timelines. I didn't give myself any pressures on to how they will happen or when they'll happen or how much, right. I didn't give myself 10 K months, 20 K months.
I didn't give myself, you know, any actual, like tangible number or anything that my brain could, you know, say, Nope, we can't do that. 'cause that's another thing I believe in affirmations, but I believe in affirmations. That actually surpassed your subconscious, because if I say, well, tomorrow I'm going to be a millionaire. By the end of this year, I'm going to be a millionaire. My subconscious is going to be like thing, thing thing. Nope. Nope. That's not true.
Like flag that, that was a lie. We don't believe that. So. Being real with yourself and just setting like tasks and steps that you can take. So I wrote down everything that I wanted to do this year. And then I slowly been like, okay, what's going to get me closer to these things. Let me write down some steps. And that's, that gives me a false sense of control. And it brings me safety because every day I know I'm going to wake up and I get to write.
Instead of, I have to, I get to work on these things that I want to create in the future. Instead of being like, oh my God, I have all these things. And I have all these plans and all these goals, but they seem so far reach and they seem like they overwhelm me. And I think a lot of the times we feel overwhelmed because one. We create goals that are way too far off. They're too big. And our subconscious and our brains can't even fathom the fact of us getting there, how that would look like.
So it creates even more fear or two, we don't have actual steps. We don't even know how we're going to get there. So the first one being that, you know, they're too big. Your goal is too big, is too scary. That that's the first one that you have to actually like figure out. So let's say that your goal is to quit your job because we want to start your. Your small business. That's a big goal and that's scary because you're subconscious it's like, okay, we're going to quit our job.
Our safety net is going to be gone. Oh my gosh, like alert, alert, alert. Like everything's going off in your brain. Now you have all this anxiety. And then sometimes we give ourselves some timelines where like, we're going to do it by the end of the year. Okay. It doesn't feel too bad. January, February, March, April, but come middle of the year, you start getting a little more anxiety because you're like, okay, now I've got six months to make this happen.
Towards the end of the year, your subconscious, your brain, your nervous system is just going to be shot. And it's not even going to know how to get to. I have to quit my job to start my small business. The truth is that you have to create that safety net. Right? So instead of maybe creating a goal that says I'm going to quit my job by the end of the year, and I'm going to be successful and make all this money, my business is. How can I start making money now? My business, as I'm working my job.
Because my job is giving me security and it's giving me safety. It's giving me. It's fulfilling my coordinate of safety. But I still want to quit my job by the end of the year. So what steps can I take to quit my job by the end of the year, instead of how much money do I need to be making? Because the universe. The universe doesn't know numbers, the universe God, or whatever it is that you speak to that you believe in that brings miracles into your life. That brings inspiration.
That brings all these amazing magical moments. They have no idea what $10,000 is at the end of the day, money is just energy, right? They don't know what $20,000 is. I don't know. I needed to be making a hundred thousand dollars before I can quit. My job means. They know what a dream is. They know what energetically that feels like. And you have to tap into that energetically.
So in order to do that, you can't, you yourself cannot create constrictions and say, I want to just make a hundred thousand dollars by the end of the year. And if I don't make that, or if I don't get close to that, I'm not going to quit my job. I won't be able to fill my goals and my dreams. Instead be open to receiving. So just tell the universe, tell God I want to quit my job at the end of the year. And I'm going to take these steps to start working towards that. Because guess what?
It could be six months from now where you get to quit your job, or it could be a year and six months from now, but the success isn't going to be any more or less rewarding. And the universe has a way of showing you when the right time and things. Have to happen for you. So don't constrain yourself into thinking. I have to do things by a certain time. We all want to, we all want this like a miracle moment, this amazing moment. And I'll tell you what I've had. Very great successes.
I've really harsh failures. And I've never been any more happy. I'm actually happier now where I don't have these big goals and these big timelines. I'm working towards things that are making me happy and passionate versus being constrainted like all these numbers and things. I'm actually made more money now than I ever have before, because I've let go of the idea that money is going to bring me happiness. Cause it's not it's.
My day-to-day activity is how I show up in the world who I can help, how I am with other people, how much love I can receive. How much love am I willing to give? And now I'm probably a little off track, but those are my Three, top ways to feel less anxious about the future. Okay. So let's recap. Number one is figure out where you're putting your value and your self worth, who and what are you putting yourself worth on and your value. And number two is address your Negative self-talk.
And what stories are you telling Yourself? What's that mental. Jargon the cube, you know, going around and around, around. And what negative things do you say about yourself on a daily basis? Because that creates a lot of anxiety, because if you're constantly thinking of yourself as a little kid, if you're telling you a little kid. Oh, you're dumb. You're stupid.
You're you're not good enough that kid's going to be a ball of stressful energy and anxious energy thinking that they cannot do anything. Right. So treat yourself as a little kid. You wouldn't say that to a loving little kid, so don't say it to yourself. And then number three was take charge of the situation. And like I said, just making plans, but not really like having constricting timelines, which, like I said, I did want to talk about focusing less on the results.
And that has been a game changer for me. Like I said, Just a little bit ago. I've been, my goals are big. My goals are amazing, but they're also attainable. I haven't made any crazy goals because in the past I did feed into the idea of your goals have to scare. You have your goals, don't scare you. They're not big enough they should make you uncomfortable. If anything, actually, instead of scares should be more of an uncomfortability. Cause you have to.
Work and grow and get out of your comfort zone. But if it's causing you fear, it's either going to paralyze you, keep you stuck. It's not going to let you move, or you're going to work on it in a fear state. And that's also not going to attract more abundance. So it should feel a little scary. Should give you a little bit of butterflies. It should give you. A little bit of like uncomfortability, but it shouldn't scare you to the point where you don't think it's even possible.
So focus less on the goal itself and what you're going to obtain and where you're going to get out of it. And instead of focus on the steps. I also have tapped into, I do walking meditations a lot because meditating. Or anytime, like actually laying down or just sitting there trying to clear my brain is not only really hard for me, but then I ended up just falling asleep. So I don't know that I actually meditate really hard, so it was difficult for me.
So I've done a lot of walking meditation and I heard, Jen Gottlieb, I believe is her last name. She talked about walking meditations and it's walking and envisioning yourself in the energy of what it is that you want. And you want to accomplish that future self, that future goal. Like you already have it, like it's already yours. Not try to analyze, oh my God, I'm not, but I haven't done so far. I haven't done this. I haven't done that. There's no way like no really embodying.
This is what it would feel like if I'm walking through this park. Making all the money that I want to make in the career that I want with the love of my life, with the relationships I want with the friendships that I want with whatever it is that you want to obtain and actually tapping into that feeling. Of it's already happened versus thinking about how it's going to happen. Like when we attach herself to the results. And what we think that's going to look like.
Like I said before we stop the energy flow from coming, but if we can tap into whether it already feels like there's, that's two different things, two different energies. What already feels like. We can actually accelerate that and we can manifest what we want to quicker and faster. But just go through the motions every single day. So like if fitness, right. One of my big things this year is to get more tone, to really feel good about myself, to like go all in on my fitness.
And it's hard because it's not something you can see overnight. So for me, it's really hard like I said, I was jogging and I was already glide, contemplating all these ways and I'm going to get more slim and more defined. And I started getting anxious about it and I was like, no, Marie, you can't do more than what you're doing right now. You're jogging. You're eating healthy every day. I'm setting myself some like steps that I'm gonna take. I'm taking control of the situation.
I'm eating healthy. I'm not drinking. I'm working out. And sure I'll have a couple of cheat meals here and there, but those are the steps I have to take. And then I'm not attaching myself to the results of. Oh, this is what I need to do because there's this big goal that I have. And instead, I'm just, I even started jogging and I was like, I'm already there. I'm already like define, I already feel good about myself. This feels great.
And tapping into that future energy, but detaching from the result, because the truth is. That most of us, like I said, at the beginning of this episode is. We want things so bad because of the state that we're in right now, mentally, because it's something that maybe we've always wanted or we see, we see somebody else have, but the truth is we never know how our life's going to develop and evolve. And sometimes the things that we want and the being way better way bigger. And more beautiful.
So stopping ourselves or pretending or thinking that. We're only supposed to have so much. It's actually, you're doing yourself a disservice. So I hope this helps because. Anxiety, like I said, at the beginning, it's just fear of the future. And you will fear the future a little less if you're able to be present in the moment every single day and just taking action steps. Towards your goals and your vision and what you want versus actually being attached to the outcome.
And I promise you that the vibration, the energy that you're going to put out there is going to be so much lighter, so much better. You're going to feel better and you're going to start attracting a real magic and real, amazing things. And the anxiety is going to feel a lot less. So I hope you guys got a lot of this episode and I can't wait to talk to you guys next week.