This episode dives into emotional coercion—the subtle, insidious tactics designed to control your decisions and behavior without overt aggression. From gaslighting that leaves you questioning your reality to guilt-tripping that makes you feel responsible for your partner’s happiness, I uncover the patterns that keep you stuck in toxic cycles. I also cover practical strategies to recognize red flags, break free from manipulative behaviors, and start reclaiming your confidence and autonomy. If you...
Dec 04, 2024•30 min•Ep. 166
Coercive control is an invisible form of abuse that traps victims in a web of psychological manipulation and domination. In this episode, Dr. Christine—a survivor, protective parent, and advocate—unpacks the strategies abusers use to exert power without physical violence. From understanding the parallels between coercion and tactics used in totalitarian regimes to exploring the cultural and societal roots of abuse, this episode provides a comprehensive look at how coercive control impacts indivi...
Nov 27, 2024•40 min•Ep. 165
Today, we are diving into Financial Coercion with Victoria Kirilloff. Victoria helps to simplify complex financial issues that often arise during divorces involving manipulation and control. In this episode we discover how to identify signs of financial coercion, learn strategies to regain control over your finances post-divorce and understand the importance of knowing your numbers for empowerment and independence. Victoria is a Holistic Wealth Consultant who specializes in helping families make...
Nov 20, 2024•47 min•Ep. 164
We’re diving into those powerful "last straw" moments—the times when you feel that unmistakable surge of clarity that enough is truly enough. These moments don’t always come all at once; it might take several before you feel ready to fully break free. But often, they spark a deep, rising anger that fuels the decision to stand up against manipulation and control once and for all. Support the show *Please Note: there is a long intro that explains my services. If you do not want to listen, just fas...
Nov 13, 2024•30 min•Ep. 163
Is it love or is it control? Often disguised as love, these relationships operate under a foundation of control. In this episode, I explore the myths surrounding relationship breakdowns, moving beyond the usual assumptions of “incompatibility” or “lost affection” to reveal a darker truth: for many narcissistic abusers, love was never the endgame—control was. By understanding this crucial distinction, listeners will be guided to reassess their past experiences, recognize the signs of toxic dynami...
Nov 06, 2024•26 min•Ep. 162
This episode dives into the fascinating (and frustrating) phenomenon of euphoric recall , where our brains play favorites with our memories, shining a spotlight on those rare “happy” moments while tucking away the pain and manipulation that came with them. We'll explore why this happens—from the brain chemistry behind it to the psychological factors that make euphoric recall so powerful in keeping us emotionally attached. Support the show *Please Note: there is a long intro that explains my serv...
Oct 30, 2024•13 min•Ep. 161
Sexual coercion is often misunderstood or overlooked in conversations about consent. It involves pressuring or manipulating someone into sexual activity through verbal, emotional, or physical means. These actions are frequently hidden behind societal norms that wrongly portray sex as an obligation in relationships. In this episode, Nat joins me to break down the harmful misconceptions about sex and consent. We explore how coercion shows up in relationships—whether it's through anxiety around int...
Oct 23, 2024•1 hr 2 min•Ep. 160
Have you wondered how and why they think the way they do? In this episode, I discuss why abusive individuals struggle with self-reflection and accountability. Discover how their fear of being perceived as 'the monster' fuels defensiveness and control tactics. Support the show *Please Note: there is a long intro that explains my services. If you do not want to listen, just fast-forward 5 mins past. This intro will be changed in future recordings to be shorter. I am not paid to record this podcast...
Oct 16, 2024•11 min•Ep. 159
Relationships with an abusive person often end not because of lost love, but due to a loss of control by one partner. This episode dives deep into the subtle tactics that can manipulate and dominate a relationship without you even realizing it. Support the show *Please Note: there is a long intro that explains my services. If you do not want to listen, just fast-forward 5 mins past. This intro will be changed in future recordings to be shorter. I am not paid to record this podcast and it is a fr...
Oct 09, 2024•26 min•Ep. 158
One of the most distressing aspects of dealing with an emotionally abusive individual is their persistent disregard for boundaries. Most of us are left feeling powerless. In this podcast, we dive into having boundaries for yourself i nstead of focusing on changing the abuser's behavior—which often leads to disappointment. Support the show *Please Note: there is a long intro that explains my services. If you do not want to listen, just fast-forward 5 mins past. This intro will be changed in futur...
Oct 02, 2024•8 min•Ep. 157
Are you finding yourself focusing on your abuser's occasional positive traits rather than acknowledging consistent abusive behavior? It’s not uncommon to see only the best versions of them despite their behavior. This episode will help you accurately see an abusive individual (with a lot of grace for yourself). Support the show *Please Note: there is a long intro that explains my services. If you do not want to listen, just fast-forward 5 mins past. This intro will be changed in future recording...
Sep 25, 2024•7 min•Ep. 156
Ever feel like you've been on a rollercoaster without a seatbelt? Welcome to a relationship with someone w/BPD. In this episode, I want to break down BPD. We will look at understanding the idealization-devaluation cycle typical in BPD relationships, recognizing signs of emotional dysregulation and its effects on partners and practical, actionable advice for setting boundaries and improving communication. Support the show *Please Note: there is a long intro that explains my services. If you do no...
Sep 18, 2024•17 min•Ep. 155
Do you feel confused all of the time? Are you wondering if they are a safe person? This confusion frequently arises from past trauma resurfacing or the dynamics of the present relationship. This episode provides an honest self-reflection and thorough questioning to help you discern if you are in a healthy, safe relationship. Support the show *Please Note: there is a long intro that explains my services. If you do not want to listen, just fast-forward 5 mins past. This intro will be changed in fu...
Sep 11, 2024•14 min•Ep. 154
Are you feeling crazy after a breakup? The intense emotional upheaval that follows breaking up with a manipulative partner is insane. Many people find themselves questioning their sanity and grapple with self-blame and confusion—emotions often amplified by their ex-partners' toxic behaviors. This episode explores the cycle of manipulation. I explore a few key concepts: Shifting Blame: Toxic partners frequently evade accountability by shifting blame onto their victims. Emotional Chaos: They maint...
Sep 04, 2024•20 min•Ep. 153
Wondering how to work with me? This episode breaks it down. Support the show *Please Note: there is a long intro that explains my services. If you do not want to listen, just fast-forward 5 mins past. This intro will be changed in future recordings to be shorter. I am not paid to record this podcast and it is a free offering. Offering my work is the only way I can sustain the podcast* Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy *New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Rela...
Aug 30, 2024•17 min•Ep. 152
Do toxic relationships make you mirror abusive behaviors? In this episode, I explore a common question: am I just like them? I explore whether living with a narcissist or emotionally abusive partner can make us react in ways that feel out of character, just to survive. Key Takeaways: - Understanding reactive abuse and why it happens. - Strategies for setting boundaries with yourself and others. - The importance of recognizing your triggers and maintaining your individuality. Tune in to learn how...
Aug 28, 2024•11 min•Ep. 151
Chantal Contorines, a high conflict co-parenting coach and mentor, joins me to delve into the complexities of "co-parenting" with a Narcissist. We discuss strategies for being the best advocate for your child. In this episode, we address: The difficulty in truly co-parenting with a narcissist due to their inability to prioritize children over their ego. How parallel parenting often becomes the necessary approach when dealing with a manipulative ex-partner. The fact that parenting doesn't end at ...
Aug 21, 2024•39 min•Ep. 150
This is an emotional and Narcissistic abuse Q and A episode. In this episode, I respond to questions sent through the FanMail option on my podcast host. I listeners' questions are answered regarding patterns of abusive behavior and seeking support outside family who may not understand the situation. Support the show *Please Note: there is a long intro that explains my services. If you do not want to listen, just fast-forward 5 mins past. This intro will be changed in future recordings to be shor...
Aug 15, 2024•15 min•Ep. 149
Today, Paul interviews me! Paul Colaianni brings his unique perspective as both a former emotionally abusive person turned healer. He shares that abusers often employ grooming tactics like mirroring their victim’s interests to gain trust before turning the tables to exert control. I recount my personal battle with emotional abuse. I describe how she lost touch with her intuition and began conflating my needs with those imposed by my partner. Key takeaways from this conversation include: 🔹 Under...
Aug 14, 2024•49 min•Ep. 148
On this episode, I dive into healing from narcissistic and emotional abuse. This episode covers a few various perspectives and a toolkit for recognizing manipulative behaviors, setting personal boundaries, and nurturing self-love. Key takeaways from this episode: - Strategies to begin the healing process after abusive relationships - Understanding triggers and how to navigate them positively - Tips on identifying red flags in new relationships post-healing Support the show *Please Note: there is...
Aug 07, 2024•10 min•Ep. 147
Does it feel like you need to heal from multiple versions of one person? It can feel almost impossible to find acceptance and solace as you heal from a person that did not even truly exist. In this episode, I talk about healing from the love bomber, devaluer, and the unrecognizable stranger (which we sometimes see all in one day). I will cover the intoxicating highs of the 'love bombing' phase and its heartbreaking revelation as a facade, discuss how devaluation erodes self-esteem and learn stra...
Jul 31, 2024•22 min•Ep. 146
This episode delves into the emotions that surface when you can't seem to "get over" an abusive partner. It is so hard to move on from an abusive partner you have an attachment to. In this episode, I will discuss why understanding why it's challenging to move on from an abusive relationship, the societal pressures that make us feel like we should heal on a timeline and strategies for self-care and patience during the healing journey. Support the show *Please Note: there is a long intro that expl...
Jul 24, 2024•11 min•Ep. 145
A trauma bond is not because you have shared trauma. On this episode, I delve into the often misunderstood concept of trauma bonds. Trauma bonds are not formed by shared traumatic experiences but rather through betrayal trauma within the cycle of abuse. This podcast aims to clarify what constitutes a trauma bond and offers insights on how you can begin the healing process. Support the show *Please Note: there is a long intro that explains my services. If you do not want to listen, just fast-forw...
Jul 17, 2024•16 min•Ep. 144
Amy Fielder joins us to deep dive into the complexities of trauma, emotional abuse recovery, and reclaiming your inner voice. We explore how to identify manipulative behaviors and set healthy boundaries, strategies for healing after an abusive relationship and rebuilding self-trust and tuning into your own emotions. This is a must-listen-to episode if you are out of the relationship but still in the fog. You can learn about Amy and her offerings here: https://amyfiedler.com/ Support the show *Pl...
Jul 10, 2024•51 min•Ep. 143
You aren't sure if they are a Narcissist or not? Are they too emotional to be a Narcissist? Are you actually not sure what or who they are? If you are asking yourself these questions, this is the podcast for you. On this episode, we dive into a topic that is often scrutinized: BPD. Recognizing these stages allows one to understand what might seem inexplicable behavior patterns — providing clarity amidst confusion. Support the show *Please Note: there is a long intro that explains my services. If...
Jul 03, 2024•42 min•Ep. 142
Emotional manipulation often wears a disguise; it's subtle, insidious, and frequently masquerades as care or concern. In this episode, I discuss how manipulators tend to play down their actions by focusing on intentions rather than consequences. But here's the TL:DR: impact trumps intent every time. If someone continually hurts you under the guise of 'not meaning it,' it’s essential to question why their hurtful behavior persists despite their professed good intentions. This is also the last epi...
Jun 26, 2024•18 min•Ep. 141
Co-parenting with a high-conflict ex can be one of the most challenging tasks a parent may face. It requires patience, communication, and above all else, an unwavering focus on the well-being of your child. Tessa from Kind Mama Coaching joins us to discuss her new childrens book, Stella's Two Homes, and strategies for co-parenting with a difficult ex. This is a very important and informative episode. The key takeaway? Keep your kids out of adult issues and avoid making them pick sides. You can f...
Jun 19, 2024•1 hr 5 min•Season 1Ep. 140
In this episode, I answer pressing questions related to overcoming trauma bonds, whether abusive relationships can be salvaged post-trauma bond, recognizing final straws in leaving toxic relationships, coping with cognitive dissonance, returning items post-breakup while maintaining no contact, handling lack of accountability from abusers, interpreting friends' advice during abusive situations, understanding your partner's expression or lack thereof concerning terms of endearment – is it abuse? I...
Jun 12, 2024•23 min•Ep. 139
Kerry McAvoy joins us to discuss cognitive dissonance—a complex yet crucial concept that can profoundly affect one's clarity during and after an abusive relationship. Through her personal experiences and professional expertise as a retired psychologist who has authored books on the subject, Kerry delves into what cognitive dissonance feels like, how it manifests in relationships with manipulative individuals, and strategies for overcoming its paralyzing effects. We discuss: The dual realities cr...
Jun 05, 2024•40 min•Ep. 138
Going through a divorce can be one of life's most challenging experiences, especially when it involves financial manipulation, abuse and high-conflict dynamics. Victoria, an expert in managing the financial aspects during these trying times, joins us to discuss practical tools and mindset shifts to emerge financially secure and confident, even when going through a divorce. Victoria has a wealth of information and tools on her website: https://www.divorceanalytics.com/ Support the show *Please No...
May 29, 2024•45 min•Ep. 137
