How To Save Yourself

Hello and welcome to another episode of Words With Myself.

Today we're going to talk about the most important relationship that you have. And that relationship is your relationship with yourself. Or, if you want to see it in a different way, your relationship with God. Which to me are one in the same and interchangeable. The extent to which you know yourself is the extent to which you know God. This is from the perspective of fundamental truth, not the perspective of the ego.

I'm not talking about myself as a benevolent and omnipotent power, but in a much deeper sense that we are all connected and we are all God's manifestation. Even to this day, that is a very stigmatized way of thinking. Even though in principle, a lot of religion teaches this and it is the fundamental truth in religion. It has been wrapped in this separation where we see ourselves as other. We see ourselves as other to nature and our environment.

We think of ourselves and we put a name and identity on top of it. But we're not separate from the earth. We're not separate from our environment. We are, in fact, all one piece. There is no division or separation or borders.

Everything is one and connected in this human vessel we have a very separated sense of self and a perspective that is limited to only our own senses and our own thoughts and our own experiences and this is true it's not something to be escaped or run away from or you know people say kill your ego but you don't want to kill your ego your ego is your experience it's your memories it's your thoughts, it's your perspective.

That is how you engage with the world and interface on this human experience. It's not something to be hated, but it is something to be aware of.

To bring yourself outside of yourself and that's why meditation is a fantastic practice because it takes you into something bigger and you expand yourself into the universe and take a moment to understand that once you close your eyes and you harmonize your breath you become everything your awareness expands past the borders of your skin and your body and your brain and you begin to connect with those higher realms of consciousness and it's my perspective that a lot of

spirituality that is practiced in the modern day is a form of escapism is escaping who we are and escaping this experience trying to transcend our humanness and when that is a healthy practice it can be extremely powerful however it can also be used to try to avoid the truth of who we are and the truth that we are living a human existence because that's why we're here we're here to have this human experience it's not something to avoid and you really

need to own that so that you can mend that relationship with yourself. I think there's a lot of self-hatred that goes with feeling like we are inferior in our own skin, that being us is not enough and that we have to be something more than that. And the number one thing that you must do in order to have a healthy relationship with yourself, as any relationship, is to have honesty and truth.

Because the moment you start to deceive yourself, the moment you start to lie and pretend that things aren't how they are. You get into this mode where you can't trust yourself. And if you can't trust yourself, you can't feel safe in your own body. You can't feel safe in your own experience. You feel trapped because you have let yourself down before or you've lied to yourself or you've compromised on what you believe in or you let somebody cross a boundary when they shouldn't have.

And now you don't trust yourself to uphold that and to look after yourself.

And each time you tell yourself, lies or you let yourself down or you compromise on something that you believe in it erodes at that sense of safety and trust and that's where things like anxiety come into play and when you do this over time you begin to resent yourself for not being able to provide this safety so that's where depression creeps in because you are unhappy with your own experience you're unhappy with coming last and being trampled on and not fighting for.

Your own needs so you feel depressed and stuck and incapable of supporting yourself and this can be a really difficult spot to be in because it's very hard to then work your way out of that and it feels impossible people feel stuck in who they are and they don't know how to get better or how to fight for themselves or how to support themselves they've lost connection with who they are and in turn it's kind of all melting down because the second that trust is gone as soon as it's

been eroded you then doubt everything that you do and you can't be confident in your actions you can't be confident in how you present yourself in this world and that just compounds over time it doesn't get better the more you doubt yourself the more you're going to do things wrong and then sooner or later you'll begin to just give up on yourself and go oh well i don't know every time i try i just get things wrong so why try at all and then you end up out of control and this

is how most people are living this is the common experience that we all have is this sense of disharmony with ourselves and definitely the first thing to do to correct this is the address the root issue is fix that trust.

Begin to build that relationship with yourself as if it doesn't exist at the moment, as if you're brand new to meeting yourself and start to understand what your wants and needs are, what you like and dislike. Put time and space aside for getting to know yourself and understanding what it is that you like and don't like.

What the things that you want to experience and the things that you don't understanding what is important to yourself and once you know these things you can then begin to put the necessary things in place in order to get there so if you get to know yourself and you know that in the friendships that you have or any of the relationships that you have you want there to be trust and open communication and you want there to be respect and love you can then enforce those things and say well

anything that doesn't meet this criteria I'm going to take myself away from or put the necessary boundaries in place so my needs are upheld. People won't always be there to give you what you need or want a friendship on your terms or want a relationship on your terms and to meet those needs. Your needs might not be or might go against what they need and in which case you can just go separate ways.

There doesn't have to be conflict but at the same time you also have to be willing to fight for yourself. There can be no trust and no safety if in your brain you know that you're not even going to fight for yourself.

If you have relationships and people know that you don't fight for yourself they know that you're not going to fight for them and if your rebuttal to that is well no i would stick up for them but i wouldn't stick up for myself then you have a deeper problem like you have to understand why you would stick up for other people why you'd put yourself in harm's way for other people and to upheld their needs but you won't do that for yourself because then it's not even a capability issue.

It's not that you can't do it. It's that you're choosing not to show up for yourself. If somebody was treating someone you cared about unfairly or they were being disrespectful or they weren't being nice, you would stick up for that person. But you won't do that for yourself. That means that you don't value yourself and you treat yourself like somebody who isn't valued.

And to be that person who isn't even valued by themselves you have to empathize with that person and that person just so happens to be you you have to understand that you're treating yourself even at a subconscious level that you're not worth caring about you're not worth looking after and that's your opinion of yourself so you being on the other side of you is someone who you can't trust, who you know won't stick up for you, who won't fight for you,

who doesn't want the best for you, who doesn't do what is right for you. They're not honest. They don't do what they say they're going to do. You can't have a good relationship with that person when you're treating yourself in that way.

How can you have a good relationship with yourself when that's what you're contending with, when you're harsh on yourself, when you treat yourself disrespectfully, when you're horrible to yourself, when you're not there, you don't show up for yourself, you don't care about yourself, you don't respect yourself, you can't have a good relationship like that.

And again, what needs to happen is the honesty and the trust. That's what needs to be rebuilt. Because you can't be honest with yourself and live like that. That's something that exists in the back of your mind, but you live in denial. Because if you saw it the way that it's being explained, you would go, oh, well, I need to do something to change that. And that might even be how you're thinking now. It's like, oh God, I really need to change this now.

Because just by having an honest account of what you think of yourself and how you treat yourself and how you show up for yourself, just with that bit of truth, with that bit of honesty, you can begin to rebuild that trust with yourself. You can say, you know what? I am going to be there for me. I am going to show up for me. I'm going to respect myself. I'm going to love myself. I'm going to look after myself. I'm going to care about myself.

I'm going to treat myself like something precious, something that needs to be attended to and cared for and loved. That is how you should be treating yourself. And the chances are, you know this, but you're not. Because those comfy, warm lies that we tell ourselves keeps ourselves sedated so that we don't hear ourselves. We don't hear that cry for help that we're attending to and saying, please look after me. Please love me. And that is what that anxiety and depression is.

That is what all that negative emotion is.

It is your cry for help. it is you saying i need you to look after me i need you to care about me this is what i need from you and you're turning your back and you're saying no or even worse you're just ignoring it like it's nothing like it's not important and that's even more hurtful if you've experienced that you know with someone else where they're not even being aggressive or saying no to you they just treat you like you're nothing that that's even

worse but if you're distracting yourself with tv or social media or work or whatever else it is if you keep yourself distracted you can dull that cry for help you can sedate yourself so you can't quite hear it and that kind of sedation is enough for most people but for people who have bigger problems bigger needs people that that cry for help is is an emergency the sedation needs to be bigger we need something like drugs or alcohol or addiction or gambling or all of this stuff

that we know is terrible for us yet it drowns out those cries for help. It allows us to ignore ourselves. And you can't be honest with yourself and also live like this. You may think that you're honest with yourself, but that's just how bad the deception is. But in truth, if you're treating yourself like this, you can't be honest and lying to yourself at the same time. You're either one or the other. And in order to cope, we have to pretend like we're not coping.

Otherwise, we're thinking about it. So there has to be some form of deception.

And to deceive yourself is to not be honest with yourself so the more honest you can be with yourself the more you will be able to trust yourself the more you trust yourself the more confidence you will have to take positive and decisive action so instead of looking out to the universe for a sign or for some information or wondering what the problem is start by having an honest conversation with yourself and say how can I look after you better what can I do to support and love you more what am

I not doing that is hurting myself that is harming myself that is eroding my sense of self-worth or my trust or my confidence in myself what am I doing that is breaking myself down or tearing myself apart because only with those types of honest conversation with yourself can you truly begin to rebuild the relationship that you have and that relationship that you have with god that you have with yourself is the most important thing this right here is the most important thing that

you have to do in your life is to build the best relationship with yourself that you can, thank you for listening.