"The Poon Burglar!" With Paget's Rival Lori!

just thank you for taking this journey with us. We are up to episodes eight and not seven and eight, seven and eight of Emily seven and eight the Hometown and the Fantasy Dates of Emily Maynard season, where we're getting to know the new bachelor Ari. Um, Laurie, you've been such a hit. And somebody pointed out last week on Twitter, which I really appreciated. How did we not realize that Ari in that awful Halloween promo looks like the Hamburglar and somebody called him the poon Burglar, which

was so amazing. He fully is the pun Burglar. Shout out to our fans. Are brilliant fans for calling out the poon Burglar. How good is that that? That was great? Thank you for reminding me of that. Yes, that was terrific. I'm absolutely accurate and I wanted to him be where we get going. I also want to give a shout out to say I'm home in Los Angeles for like

four days. And I actually I book a movie that shoots in Atlanta, So I'm not going to be doing the Dallas shows have gotten moved to April fifth through seven, So I'm not going to be in Dallas December one second. On my apologies to anybody that got tickets, I bet they would move them to April foot through seventh. Um, but I will be in Atlanta. I basically Atlanta has captured me. That's what's happening. Well, you know the worst places to be captured, you know what. I'm not going

to act like I'm not enjoying Atlanta. I'm enjoying the a t L. It's a lot of trees, there's so many good foods there. Everyone's nice. I'm having a good time. Um. But let's let's get to the poon Burglar and the other exciting news is that um are the Bachelor for the first starts January one. I always get really I love the Christmas season so much that I get really sad when the holidays are over. I love Halloween, I love Thanksgiving. My birthday is in December. I love all

the holidays. I love New Year's and then I get kind of depressed every year on January one. But this year ABC is going to be a little angel and it's starting on Monday, January one, is starting are perfect? When you know, I was just thinking with Carrie's I remember, and I feel like it must have been right after Emily's season. I vacationed with you in the winter and her mom yea, And I remember sitting down with you and I just, you know, I didn't have anyone to

complide in in terms of my my bachelor love. And I remember asking you, oh, do you watch the Bachelor? And he said something dismissive, like, oh, you know, it's not it's not true love. And here I was, with all this all this information. I was like, yeah, yeah, it's okay. Oh my god, I cannot offer you. I hope that this is my living ammends to you. But what I was realizing is I really feel like, and

perhaps it's because we're viewing the season. I feel like it was a few months after ended in probably we're there all the time, probably, yeah, probably. Can I just say how much now? I realizing I see how great this season must have been watching in real time. My overall takeaway, here's my notes after watching the Hometowns and the and the Fantasy suites before we get into them. There's a few things that's so interesting about this season. First of all, when we get down to the final

three guys, they're great guys. All three are really good choices. And it's the most demure season. I don't know if it's because she's a mom. They it is the least it was before Tinder, it was before It's like the least six diva. Nobody is getting dry humped or fingered in a church in Ireland in front of the member or of the cranberries, you know what I mean, Like like it's the most respectful, gentlemanly this is. They're like afraid of her. It's a even though you always call

her girl. I will say, like like in ten people notice a woman. What's happening? Do you hear that? What is that? I don't know. I'm gonna pause it for a second. We're back. I'm so glad that we're back. Um okay, so wait a minute, I mean, don't you can't like it is so chased versus like, is that how you pronounced it? Chased? Like this is a very

it is a very old fashioned season of courtship. Yes, and you know it has well I think what sort of marked the change was during Andy's season and Nick nay n the final choice, he said on the couch, um, if you you know, if you in love with me, why did you make love to me? Really cheesy, and but that was sort of the first public acknowledgement that

that people may have sex in the fantasy suites. So you combine that and the fact that Emily is a very religious, upstanding mother and she certainly wanted to portray herself that way and wanted to be a role model to her child, that this was a very innocent season. Well, I want to say, I think she's such a great bachelorette.

I think I find her again. And when we get into the more specifics, what's interesting, and part of it is because she is a mom, the difference in like she's actually they're all actually asking real questions as people don't do anymore of like where would we live? How does this look? How would it look for you to come in? Like I feel like these last few seasons, all people do is God, are you for real? I

just feel like you're not real? Is this real? Like nobody's asking like, oh, you live in Toronto and I live in Albuquerque, where are we gonna live? Like these are actually like this season she's they're all asking each other real logistical questions, which I feel like nobody does anymore. Yeah, And I think that's why this season was so credible. That's why everybody loved these last three guys. Yes, they

really were authentic and genuine. And I don't I don't care what people say about, you know, Jeff and Ari being fake. I really don't believe it because they were very genuine to me, to me when I when I interact, they weren't really genuine. No, they all seem like really, I have to say this year watching it and all three guys are really great guys. At the end, it bums me out that she's not married to one of them,

like it bums me out that it didn't work. I know, and we'll, I mean, we'll we'll talk about that a little bit. But you know, before we get into this, there's something that I, um, I want to bring up again, and I know it might be a sore topic for you, artist is but um, well, my god, I know, I know, I'm so jealous. I'm so jealous. Yeah, he's dating that girl from Modern Family, Sarah Highland? Is that her name? You are asking the wrong person. I only know. I

only know the Bachelor. Okay, I don't watch The Modern Family. I hear she's really funny on it, So I'm glad that he at least picked the funny girl. And I'm wild with envy. Oh I'm wild. I'm mad with envy, and I'm happy for him to be picked a funny girl. But but it's like, oh yeah, wow, and I'm happy for him. I'm I mean, I hope she's in. You know, like my friends who watched the show all seem to

think that that that's good news. So I'm gonna have to trust in this in way that you thought that Ari was good news, And I was like, who's this bachelor? I'm gonna choose to believe my friends that watch Modern Family and are like, no, right on, this is good for me to be like, all right, all right, Because I also liked Danielle, I guess it's not gonna be me. I liked Danielle, and so, uh, you know, if it's not Danielle, you know, at least everybody seems to think,

what do you guys think? Let us know what you guys think. Well, he's getting little, he's locking it down. He's locking it down. They've got ducked up as stranger things together. Um alright, so here we are, we're at our hometown dates, and we see her back with her. She's a very cute little girl named Ricky Um named after her her fiance Ricky who passed away, who I looked up, who was apparently worth like sixteen million dollars when he passed away. Yeah, she is not wanting her

money up. Family is taking good care of her. I could not figure out that's yeah. I didn't know. I don't again, I've never watched NASCAR or anything. I didn't know they made that much money. But I guess it's like the number one sport. It's like huge. That's that's huge. So then, um, so her first hometown dat is in Chicago, and it's with Chris, the guy who went on to become addicted to um The Bachelor, the one where people

think looks like a Disney villain. He's in he's dressed up for her and his members only jacket and he break. I'm liking him less and less on this show. I'm finding him to be a big old puss. He brings her to this castle in Chicago, and he's got like this weird head move and it's like he's always got this secret and he's like, I'm really filling into you. And his head is kind of moving and it's like you stop it. He's grossing me out. That's why he brought the bubble heads to Oh my god, he was

the one that brought the bubble heads. Yeah, that's how he moves his head. It's like he kind of looked like the Eagle from the Muppets moving his head going well, I just think and he's such a guilt trippy baby, and like more and more during this and time. I was watching it with my friend last night and my friend was like, he's drunk through like all of the Like, he definitely looks like he's been putting a few away

through like the Rose ceremony, like the head Bob. It's like somebody who's tied one on a little bit and it's just trying to get through this, you know, what I mean, like he's just you. You can see he's a pressure cooker. Oh my god, he's so filled with rage. And his last appearance on A Bachelor, a Bachelor episode of any any sort, he doesn't remember it. He completely blacked out Paradise episode. So yeah, he's he's clearly trying

to suppress that rage. So we find out he's a first generation Polish American and um, did he say he was arrested. No, he said I was a meth at the Rose ceremony, and um. But he's so like he's completely taking the game personally and he will always go you know, I was mad at you first, saying, why do you want to see their family more than you want to meet my anyone has that into their families and anybody that's a self proclaimed mama's boy, Like you

don't want a guy that hates their mom. I'll take a mama's boy over a guy that if they hate their mom, they will also hate you. But mama's boy, Yeah, he's not my favorite. He was such a little bit. It was just like when people like, look, I like my family. My family is hilarious, like Jennumary, and like

they're they're they're hilarious. But if I'm like so into my family, like, do I need to meet my fun Like I'm going to drag out as long as possible before you go meet my family, you know, like, oh my god, Yeah, I just like I really don't think the first thing I want is like, I don't know anybody that's so into their family, because that means that they're gonna expect you to move to their hometown and

all their filmily and their cousins. Oh. I would just remember Vanessa's family up in like like French Canadian there was like fourteen thousand of them and they have like they have a good awkward Sunday meal every Sunday. Anybody that has that much extended there never you were getting sucked in. I would just feel rebellious and captured. Yeah. Yeah, and you know I got the sense said he was really close to his family, Like he said he talked to him as well. He talked for an hour on

the phone with his mom like every other day. He said, Oh, that's right, that's too much. And then he was like, I have a really tough little sister, oh name, which I appreciated. She was the only one, you know, viewing this situation with with open eyes, and she essentially told Emily let go with him. Yeah, if he's not the one, just let him go right away. I mean, he had his family was really nice. He did he had a very his dad was really sweet. Um, you know, his

mom had frosted hair. His sister kind of looks like Emily um, and and mentioned, She's fine, what is that are you? What is there like a crackle? What is that crackling thing? Kind of okay? Um, the sister kind of look like Emily. And and Emily basically told one of the family members that she was falling in love

with him, which is kind of awkward. Well, you know, I went back and watched that she was talking to his dad, but she was talking to his father and he asked if she's feeling feelings of love for something, and she said yes. And then he tells Chris that she told him that she's falling in love with him. I think feeling feelings of love is much different than falling in love. And then he said with his head,

bubble head, I'm in love with you. And then they kissed and then they did polish dancing that actually looked fun and made me want to actually, like I would be happy. I'd have me to go once and do that. It's like that looked fun their backyard porch, like with the fiddle, that that looks fun. Yeah, I could do that.

I could do that. And and he was able to finally, uh make up for the fact that he couldn't dance at all on his no. I will say I thought his family was sweet once they got there, and I thought the backyard porch, But the way he talked about them, and that he's he's called himself a mama's but he talked on the phone for an hour, It's like, yeah, okay. So then we go to Utah. We find out that Jeff is rich. We find out that Jeff is rich.

His family has a ranch um and they go on this crazy there's this crazy four wheel v wheel or vehicle of which I've never looked like. It was like a moon land rover, like a moon rover, and they go driving and then they it's a huge ranch and they shoot guns and rifles, and she says, who knew Jeff and his skinny jeans was such a good shot, And then turns out she's a good shot. And she says I take gun lessons at home. Yeah, they were.

I was wondering whether whether they would have that type of date nowadays, if they would have the you know, the ski shooting gun date. It felt weird. I felt uncomfortable with everything that's been going on in the world. I felt nervous watching a gun a gun date. I mean, what kind of fun. I mean, they're out in the middle of nowhere. But it was like, it's just, you know, it looked kind of fun. It was just like I wonder if they would have it as well. Yeah, I

mean it looks super fun to me. Yeah, I was just I was wondering about that, whether that would occur nowadays. But um, what was interesting was they never said but it's pretty It's pretty clear. Jeff is from a Mormon family. He has like a thousand very attractive blondes of liings and all of their children. The parents aren't there because I think the parents are having the silent protests, sort

of like Rachel's judge dad. And then he's got this brother who sort of stepped into the fatherly role and was very skeptical and she had to go deal with like all these sisters that again kind of looked like her that had gotten blowouts that were like um, and then they were staying like the brother grilled her and he was kind of gross. He was like they and they pointed out that they were having a cheers with lemonade. And then he says, is your life built on sound principles?

Like it was all just dancing around. It was a strange. It was dancing around Mormonism, which I really I really appreciated. UM. There was one moment where Jeff was talking and he they dubbed in um a phrase. So initially he probably said something like my parents are on a mission in South Carolina the way they dubbed it in. And she started talking and and and he said, my parents are doing like charity work in South Carolina. Yet you're different. Oh my god, you're right. ABC was char like they

did not know what to do with the Mormons. They His voice was so incredibly different with that dubbing. It's like, just do another take three months later and just have them say the phrase an interview on cares are charity work. Oh my god, that is so true. It's fascinating that they're so nervous. It's like it's okay that they're Mormon's like, it's okay that they're toasting with lemonade. It's okay that

they're on a mission. Like the way they were kind of hiding it so much weirder, you know, tell me about it. It's so strange. Yeah. Um. And then the brother is grilling Jeff. He's if he's really ready to be a dad, which is a good point. Um. But then at the end of it, he wrote her this love letter that was so cute. Oh, it was so cute. It's like, it's like, it's only The Bachelor was this good every season. It was so cute that I remember when that that was the episode. I remember thinking, this,

the game has totally changed. Ari was in the lead, and with that letter. I remember rewinding that five years ago and watching him read that letter over and over again. And I have to say, I did it again the other night. It was so good, so good, and and my favorite part of it was then you know, of course he's talking about how she's such a good person and he wants a cute little family and um, and

that she's funny and she fits into his arms. But then when he starts talking about how he's excited to meet Ricky and he wants to teach her how to play sports. Her eyes closed, and she starts to take it all in and she and she just a warm smile spreads across her face, and he tells and then he keeps talking and he says, I want to teach her how to fall in love and have a love story that lasts forever, because I'll love you forever. I mean, my freaking god, there's never been a better letter on

The Bachelor. He I mean, he got his landed. He here's that here. I also want to point out I think we can talk about it now because I am at home. Okay, So, so I bought in Atlanta. I've been watching and I bought this season before ABC put it online. I would have I bought it on Amazon for fifteen bucks. So I've been watching it on my compute. But now I'm home and I have like an Apple TV, so I have the ABC app, so I'd rather watch

it on TV. So I've been watching it a BC and I'm going to guess most of our listeners are watching on ABC. If there's any doubt about who wins, there fucking ads that they run during this show are

like bound out out all. He's well film of Lorii bow no no no, his first kids, down to his unexpected goodbye, and they show her they like it's like, assholes, were only on episode six here, Like, I mean, I guess we kind of know that he doesn't win, but like they show the breakup every fifteen minutes in their fucking d yes on their ads during the show that you're like, I'm not even there yet, He's still in it, assholes. Oh, I had no idea. I prefer to watch on my

laptop in the dark. Okay, I don't have children, though, I don't have children, so I don't. But here's so, here's my question, because I don't think it's a surprise. Why didn't they work out? Why didn't they work out? Well? I mean, do you want to wait? You want to be ways different people? Right? I mean their their love story right essentially consisted of four really terrific dates. But there's they seem to be very different people. But it's hard for me to um to work through my emotions

around their their breaking. Should we wait till we'll wait till after the final rose, We'll wait? Okay, Okay, you know what, Laurie, you have one week to process. Thankfully, Thankfully, you're you. I think you you have the right person on your life that can help you process. And luck, I'm in a therapist. You're in and she I just said, you know, Laurie has two little children and she goes to a therapists office where she can record and it's

your weekly therapy. It's my weekly therapy too. It's absolutely fair on a therapist couch. It is my weekly therapy too. Okay. So, by the way, how rich is Jeff? Like that was rich kids stuff? They're rich? Yeah? I think I think he's he's independently wealthy. And so he's a he's busy doing his volunteer slash nonprofit work abroad. Okay, you know, you know it sucks. So he now lives and he lives with the Falcon and dated, I eat lipstick over Christmas,

over over, okay, over the summer. He's friends with Chase as well, who is very hot and very boring. So boring, nice, hot and boring. Okay. So that okay, So then we get to our new burn. Now now now you feel love. Here we are we're at the with the poon Burglar, We're in Scott's Jale. We're at aries and I'm like, how do you become a fucking race car driver? I don't understand? And I was like, oh, you grow up.

His dad won the Indie five hundred. Right, So they're they're in scott Dale, and he's like, my family's really European. My dad so he's from the Netherlands, Right, what does that mean? Sympathize with having a European parent, because it's true, it's a very big difference than having an American parents. Tell me in what way your dad is from Germany? Well, I mean, my my dad is German. Um, it is

well clear. One thing that doesn't translate very well, even if somebody's been living in the United States for a long time is oftentimes the sense of humor doesn't really connect that well. So um, and you know, I think they're different expectations. Clearly, his parents were much more formal seeming, right, so um, they seemed a little bit more guarded than Emily's interactions with other American families, and so um, it

was it was interesting to see that that interaction. So we go and we me He warned that the dad was gonna be nice and easy and that the mom was gonna be tricky, and the mom, I actually can't wait now for our season until they have to go and deal with the mom like she's a handful, Like she's a handful not as bad as Brand's mom, but she's on part with Joe, Joe and Brian's mom, all

of whom have like international moms. It's interesting. Um, So the mom shows up and she the mom looks like Emily's sister and his sister looks like his mom, and his sister again says nothing. His sister says nothing, and the mom is like, this hot blonde what is the Netherlands? Is that Holland? What is that? What are they speaking? Are you talking about the lane that they're speaking Dutch?

They're speaking Dutch. Okay. So, so the mom starts being so rude and like, um talking about her in front of her, just starts speaking Dutch to Ari in front of Emily excluding her. She's so clearly is looking at like the ghost of Christmas Path, like she's a blonde beauty who's clearly threatened by this young blonde beauty. And so she starts just talking about her in front of her in Dutch. It was so rude in her own home. That was a little awkward. Yeah, I was surprised by that.

And then, um, the mom's plastic surgery was amazing. Well, you know, I I was talking about that with my wife and I said this, she had plastic surgery, and she was insisting, Oh, I think she's just not truly beautiful. And I don't know. She's in Scottsdale, which is really I've done a lot of stand up in Scottsdale. There's a I think that's just the deal. You go, you get your lips done. Like it's a beautiful place. All the women are beautiful. I actually really like Scottsdale. But like,

you're gonna go get your lips done. You're married to a race car driver. You go get your lips and your gets done. That's just the deal. Okay, Okay, so that's that's what I know. I think it's the lips. Her name is Meeka, and she's a handful and I'm gonna guess that time has only made her a little bit crazier because they're skeptical of the whole process, and now their son is the bachelor. So just wait for whenever the final two have to meet Meeka she's a

fucking handful. Um he says to his mother that he's definitely going to marry Emily. That was interesting. Yeah, he thought he was marrying Emily. And he even said, poor Emily, I could never be in your shoes and until they call on me to be in your shoes, and then I'll gladly be in your shoes. Oh my god, the poon burglar. That was such an embarrassing eyemask, Oh, the puon burglar. I think that's gotta be the name of

this week's episode. So then, um, so then we are in Dallas and we're at Shawn's hometown and Sean has his dogs and we hear about he had one three years. They kept saying how he's never had a relationship. He's twenty eight, he had one three year relationship. How many else are you supposed to like that seems like you've had a relationship, like, and he kept calling her the

sweetest girl ever. It's like and then everyone's like why what was I was like, Well, he didn't want to get into the bones one with her, Like he had a nice girl. He didn't want to get into the bones zone with her. He's super Christian and like I don't think there's anything wrong with what that's fine anyway, but there's no sexual chemistry. But he is such a

nice guy. He's so sweet. And then they go to his house that's sort of a McMansion in the suburbs, and they meet his niece who has the douche ist. She has this thing. Her name is Kensington. She looks to be about six or seven, and she has a house like like a most of well, I remember I had like a cardboard box that I made into my mansion. It was like, I think it was like a refrigerator box that I'd like cut doors in, a window in, and it was like my little playhouse, you know. It

was like somebody threw out a refrigerator cardboard box. This chick has like a full one bedroom apartment house in the backyard that's called with this sign that says Kensington's Cottage. That even has like a wall unit air conditioner inside. Half a million dollars. Oh my god, in l you could probably get that for like seven thousand dollars. It's like it's like that's flat in the back. But did you notice that that four year old niece or whatever

was wearing a full face of makeup. No. Yeah, so I had deposit because I said, oh my god, is that child. Is that child wearing makeup? I need to see that. Yeah, you need to rewind because especially when when they first meet, I looked at it, I said, I think that child is wearing makeup, and so it sort of stood into the you know, her having her own commage, Kensington's cottage. That is a recipe for you

are creating hell in her attic. Watch out about what's happening in Kensington's cottage when she's like six, Like she is going to be throwing a party, Like, Wow, you better hope she's not rebellious. Yeah, seriously, that could be. That could be. So then they play a practical joke on Emily. He has two terrible practical jokes. The first one is and his family seems very nice. They're not silly, but they're very nice. And again there's a lot of them and they're all staring at her, and he's like,

I have one thing to tell you. I still live here. I mean I don't have to, but why wouldn't I And it's in front of everybody, and then he brings up to see his room, but it's so clearly been produced by producers where there's clothes hanging everywhere and like stuffed animals and dirty like broken cookies not on plates, and then that's his joke, but it's like an unkind

joke that he's done. Yeah, you know, I like how he pretends and this is sort of continued throughout the years that that he's just like wild and crazy guy. He's he's a joker, when when really he's actually I mean, I don't mean to be me, but he's he's kind of a drip. He's so boring, and you know, he's he thinks he's he's like it's so funny and that he's this joker guy and that you know, he tells his dad jokes on Twitter, which I appreciate, but he's not. He's not the joker. No, trust me. I know a

lot of funny people. You are one of them. He is not one of them. He's not one of them. You know, he's funny. I think Alex the Russian is funny. His Instagram videos, he's funny. Yeah, that's why I would say he's funny. Um um so yeah he so then uh so then they go and then he goes in for a kiss at the end, and I screamed, and then you actually send me a screen grab. It was like a lizard tongue, like laughing, like licking the top

of her his tongue. She clearly is not that into him physically, and like his tongue was like licking the roof of her mouth, and I thought I was going. I was screaming and horrified. Yeah, it's kind of like when a cat tries to lick its paw and accidentally hits her hand. It's so I don't know. It was like getting licked by like a golden retriever, like lapping or like a cat lapping up milk, and just like just the tiniest bit, it was just like the tip

of the just the tip of the top. It was disgusted. Okay, So then they go and I don't know why. They fly all the way to Beverly Hill to the Peninsul Hotel, which seems like a long way to go for no reason. Um, and she has to go stare at the pier one frames before the rose ceremony and she's talking to Chris Harrison, who like they dust off from his closet and um, and she's really upset and she cuts Chris, who's such a deck like he's, well, what did I do? Well? What? What?

Like he there was nothing gentlemanly or manly about how he took the breakup, thoughts Laura, Yeah, well it's I mean, he looked again livid, and he said to her how much faster could it possibly move? I told you I loved you? And then you know, and then when they carted him away and the limo, he said, I'm I'm ten times the man of all those dudes still standing there. Yeah,

he was a tool. And he looked hammered at the ceremony, like just hammered, and he looked like he wanted to punch a wall, like he wanted to like Rach, he he looked like the guy that he I would have put by if you were like who went and shot a gun into the ground, I would have guessed him. I know it wasn't him, I know it was Doug, but it feels like it would have been Chriss. Yeah,

I agree. Um, okay. So then we're at our spinal lit so they we're breaking down, which is the fantasy sweets, and they're going to the Bahamas and they're going to what town you tell? Oh, no, we missed the final tag. They played a joke on her, and the joke was at Chris's house. Was that his specialty is the like cooked an armadillo and served as her. I wanted to fucking throw up. I mean, I will say that that his dad seemed really really sweet. Um, but that steamed armadillo.

And and again she just rolled with it. She said, well, if that's Sean's favorite, I guess we'd better try it. But yeah, that was that was pretty pretty repulsive. And you know they're they're pressuring that sweet old past her father to give her steam armadillo when Billy he just wants to, I don't know, say prayers with her. Is he passed her? You know? I for summer that I feel like he is because he ended up marrying um

Sean and Catherine. Um, but I I know that, you know, either way, he has a lot of religion in his heart. So UM, I felt bad for him that he he was forced to do these mean pranks. Oh my god. All right, so then we go we're at the Fantasy suits and we're in ciros out Curos out Curricow Bahamas, which I do got hit by the hurricane pretty bad. Like it actually was one of the best fantasy suitets.

Look like. The hotel looks really good. The difference between this and the one they had this year, like they had really it's the kind of hotel you would want for a fantasy suite, like back in the day when you would get a nice indoor pool and stuff like. It was a nice cute hotel. Yeah, it was really cute. Um. So her first date up so Scritch Chris, and the remaining three are the poon Burglar. We've got Jeff the hipster Mormon, and Sean uh uncle to Kensington's Palace. And

she does not feel it. She's like, when I'm with Sean, I have butterflies in my heart. But she knows. But there's no tickling in her underpants place. There's no nothing happening in her undercarriage, you know exactly. And it likes the fact that he would be a good father, He would be a great father, He would be a great dad in a great husband. He's such a nice, solid guy. Well guess what you're in luck. He announced this week

that he and Catherine are having a second shock. That makes me so happy because watching this It makes me happy to know that things turn out well for him because he's a really good guy. Yeah, he is a good guy. Can be like. He's the pride and joy of the Bachelor. He's the only bachelor minus Jason Mesnick, who married his runner up choice. But he's the only bachelor that Mary disfers the choice when nois Jason mesnixt season? Uh, it was it was a long time ago one was

it before this? Was it before this? Oh? Yeah, here's my problem with watching this. To me, it feels like watching like a sporting event that happened seven years ago. Do you know what I mean? It's like it's fun in real time. Yeah, well I agree, it's it's much better in real time. But you at love next season? Okay, all right, all right, I blame it. You are my

Yoda of the Bachelor. I mean, this is my amends to you for my when you were trying to connect up in the Green Mountains and I shut you down, And this is my nice Have you ever watched the bedroom? Hey, have you ever seen? Have you ever seen this thing? But you know what, but you know you planted the season the ground there because I gave birth to this in Vermont two years ago on that same um, I was like, oh my god, I need, I need, I need this to happen. And now we're coming up on

our two year anniversary. My baby's almost two, My baby can I don't know what happens when you two? What are you talking? I don't know you can you feed yourself a solt of diaper? I don't know, I don't know. Okay, So then she's on a helicopter date with him and Kirakirasau and uh, she is can I just say we don't think we even pointed out. She told when that who is the guy? That was like, you better not

get fat? Who is the villain? Ryan? Ryan? She is so fucking cute And she told Ryan that she doesn't ever work out. If you see her, she's like in cute. She's not sexy like Jojo or whatever, Like she's in the cutest version of mom wear and stuff. But she has such a banging body, Like she's so won the genetic lottery. I could work out even at the age of eighteen with a with a personal trainer and have food delivery for fifteen years and not look like she

looks in a bikini doing nothing. Yeah, yeah, she's so cute. So um, they had they're going to private island and uh, we hear about his pet. Your family said that you talked your past girlfriends were more like buddies. And she's like, basically, she's upset that he hasn't said I love you. And there he is. If he's sitting there and he's blond, and he's getting more and more sunburned on this private island.

He's trying to work up the nerve to say I love you, and she keeps just saying and he's wondering how you feel, and she's basically just asking, like, say I love even though she knows she's not going to pick him, she's forcing him to say I love you. And um. And then he wrote Ricky a letter that he read to her that was so sweet. Yeah, it was. It was very sweet. But did you notice when he was reading her that letter though, that she looked slightly uncomfortable.

I mean, clearly she was pleased, but it was as if she already knew she was sending him home, because you know, he wrote the sweet letter about how he's not going to replace Ricky to Ricky that he's not going to replace her father. But don't forget that you're my daughter, and I hope to honor you by loving your mom. But she but Emily looks like she's barely holding it together. Yeah, he was really nailing it. He was so true and good and sweet and such a

good guy. Yeah. And it was the first I believe it was the first indication, um that he was born again version yeah yeah, yeah, yeah. He said that he made a promise to himself that he was not going to give himself to a woman um or she was not going to allow a woman to give herself to him. He could not reciprocate. Yes, And then, Okay, I do want to say, as I was watching these two on the beach and it's like Barbie and Ken and blah blah blah, and I thought, I want to see just too.

I want to see a bachelor with just regular looking people, just regular old folks. To somebody, you know, I was like a person who's like a check out at a grocery store in any old town like that. You don't have to be looking like Barbie and Ken to truly fall like I want to see a bachelor of this regular people. Well, don't you think that's kind of what Ari is. I mean, Ari is good looking, but he's not like, he's not a hipster. He's got hot, regular cut.

He's a hot rich kid race car driver. She's a tall, hot rich kid race car driver that she was so attracted to she couldn't stand it. Like he's a hot rich kid race car driver. He has no trouble. He's a boon burglar, I mean Nick. And some ways, before he got all roydy, before his season, like was the most normal in his like like Irish sweaters, you know, like, and then he got all built too. Yeah, yeah, he was pretty home and then he got all and then

he got all hot. So um so she offered him the skeleton key, which I'm glad they don't do the skeleton key anymore the fantasy suits, and he said, second indication that he was born a good version. I would love to stay up and chat and be with you. And and then she chooses to leave after she invites

him there. She says, I'm a mom, I don't know, I need it doesn't line up with what I believe, and she leaves, and I thought, I'll be curious to see if you stay all night with Jeff and Ari, but clearly as a mom, she didn't want anybody mistaking that she might be borne in these dudes, which I thought was smart. I mean, I don't know people are so I'm sure they would be hard on her as a single mom anyway, going on, Oh yeah, sure. So then Jeff is up. It's a windy day. They're going

on a boat. She's like, are you nervous? And they're going to this boat. He has some weird tattoo on his wrist. What does it say, Laurie? Oh, I thought you might ask me that I don't. I don't remember to be honest with you. And then he had questions about Ricky. He had practical questions, he told us. And he kept saying, she's an amazing girl. And I thought color a woman, but all right, and then um, she said, you ignite a self confidence in me. That was so sweet.

And they he as he handed the letter to she handed the letter to him. They had this whole date. They it was this beautiful date. He basically he said no to the fantasy sweets. So it was basically like, I respect you enough and our families are going to be watching this, so you have a born again virgin and a Mormon that she's brought for the first two fantasy sweets and and she's mad because she wanted to reject him. He basically rejects her, but she's like, what

do you go hang out with me? And while they're like sitting on this bed in this hot chatting, you can see a shadow of a cameraman moving around with them, like it I didn't catch that. It was like these days, you know, like you just know people are going in there to seal the deal. And she's got a born again virgin and a Mormon. No one will even pretend to try to get at it with this girl. Yeah, well, you know, I really appreciate I just did it with this woman. I just did it with this woman. Okay,

keep going. You know, I appreciated the questions that Jeff asked. So for instance, when he said, do you think I would make a good parent, and she said yes. Normally in the Bachelor that would be the end of it. But he asks her essentially to elaborate and says why, And so I really appreciated sort of the substantive conversation, Oh my god, and how she said that you know, she could keep him out of trouble and he could get her into a little more trouble. And you know,

I really appreciated that he was the most honest. He kept saying, I don't doubt I don't doubt that we're crazy about each other, but I do doubt that we can work in the real world. And he asked where would we live, how would this work? How would they like? These are the most real conversations I've ever seen on

The Bachelor. Yeah, yeah, And I do appreciate his confidence, um, and that you know, in previous relationships, he hasn't been able to see the end goal and now he can see the picture of perfect ending and he can't imagine two people being more perfect for each other. Um. So cute. It was so cute. And he asks a lot about whether she thinks that he would be a good fit with Ricky. Um. So it's just it's just a really

really sweet date. And and part of me wondered that they if they filmed the episode, and she said, I want to be a good role model to Ricky and you know, to America, And then the cameras went off, and then she called him back and said, come on, you think I hope So I hope that she got to go to the pun Zoe. He's Mormon, I don't think he would want to do it. Well, you know, here's the thing is, I feel like he is his

family is Mormon, but he has left the religions. Well, and you're living with the falcon in Venice and and dating cat offs from the batchelor, I'm gonna guess you're probably not an adult male virgin. Yeah. No, I think that he is not. I think even when he was filming this, I and I don't remember, you know, how I got to this point, but I feel like he had already left the religion, and so I think he is a little bit wilder than we're giving him credit for.

So then we're up to the poon Burglar and they're going swimming with dolphins, and at the very end of credits, they think the dolphin it was like like the dolphins school. Basically they were rented. Like it looked like you could just take a boat and find dolphin swim. You know, they like brought in trained dolphins that you know how

dolphins sometimes hump people. These dolphins he spent the entire so they're snargling and it's sell this is Ari, and it felt like he spent the entire day like it felt like the dolphin wanted to hump him as so bad, like and he spent the entire day kind of pushing the dolphin away. I had to tell you, I like the dolphins, Like she could not get away from that dolphin, and he kind of kept pushing it away with the dolph because dolphins hump, they like attack and like get

at it with people. Well, maybe they just sense the energy between them. Dude, how much would you pay? Like, I don't obviously want an assault on her, but I wouldn't have minded like two creepy thrust like coming just watching like I wouldn't have mind like just seeing like all right, let's just get out of the wall like like that. If they maybe had to get on the boat because the dolphin wouldn't leave her along, it was pretty great. Yeah, but you know that dolphins hump people.

I didn't. Oh yeah, you should google it. Is that why Alexis chose to be the dolphin? Oh? My god? Maybe? Maybe? Maybe? So then she's like, what's your favorite moment? He was like, my favorite moment was this, this and the walk And she's like, all your favorite moments involved kissing and and he's like, that's right, you know, and then there but she seemed kind of bummed about it, but he didn't

care at all. We're back and we're still going. And then so they're walking and they go on a date and they're kissing and kissing and she's like, I love kissing Ari, and I'm like, is he going to go into the fantasy streets? So there, he's like, she has these crazy ass like Jessica Simpson type two thousand twelve platforms on on cobblestones and uh, but she's sort of almost mad at him for just being sexy. She's like, I don't know what you do on a Tuesday morning.

And he was so I find him to have such a nice disposition. And he was basically saying, I like being around people. I sleep still nine, I go into the shop. I like to be with people. I basically go out for every meal and when you're single, year alone a lot, and I like to be with people. And I found him to be very likable. Yeah, No, he was very likable. I certainly empathized with her reaction. However, when he said kind of until nine o'clock that would be such a red flag if your passes up every

morning at six am with your kid. Yeah, so I I certainly saw a little bit of fear in her eyes. And then he said, I want to thank you. You put me first and you make me feel like a man in the relationship. And I thought, I don't know what, what does that mean? What are you talking about? I didn't like that. I didn't like that you put me first, Like what are you talking about? It's the whole like let the man lead and let me, you know, let

me be the leader. I don't know anyways, like anyways, like you've never like, I've never felt that in a relationship. I'm like, yeah, go fuck yours Like I didn't like that. And then and and that's when he said, Um, I could never be in your shoes exactly. But wait, hold up. I had to pause for one second because Anna's texting me right now if we need a flyer, Hold on a second. All right, we are back, okay, So, um where were we were? Were we? Oh? Yeah, you put

me first? And he says, I can never be in your shoes until they call me to be the bachelor. And then so then it comes time for the um fantasy sweets and it was great. It was the most human moment and this is what ABC should be running. She didn't give him the fantasy sweet she said, uh, she didn't even give him the card. She said, at the end of the day, I don't trust myself, but good lord, he's hot. And then she starts crying. And she's basically crying because she's a single mom and she

doesn't get to bone Ari. Like I think it's also I think she knows she's a single the mom is gonna judged harshly. She knows probably that she's not going to pick him, and so she doesn't want the other guy that she sentimes the two other guys like not without boning them, And so she knows she doesn't get the free paths to get to go in and get at her with him. But she's crying because she doesn't get to go bone him because she's so attracted to him. The other two she gave the card to, she's no,

she's so into him she can't even hand him the card. Yeah, she can't even go there. I get a girl sh sorry, I mean they are on fire, those two. I thought that was the best. That was the best I mean, that is what their ad should be. That is the best thing of like get ready, like forget this poon burglar stuff. Um, it's so good, it's just so good. Yeah yeah, and get for her because you know that she would never get already out of out of that room.

Then those two they're attached at the lips. Yeah, he is. You know what, I don't know if it's because he's got that European upbringing, if he's got an extra special exciting European lover thing, like maybe they just don't grow m like that in America, you know what I mean, Like, wow, Wow, he's all the rage and hopefully we'll get to see it again and just months. Here's my problem, Laura, because I'm watching it, I'm like, he's great. I get why they picked him. I'm afraid he's been on the vine

humping and humping. He's he's a hot guy. He he didn't need any extra help because he was a fucking rich kid, race car driver who's hot. And now he's been getting all these six years five years of bachelor ladies humping like that is used good. Well, you know, he was probably doing okay before he even got on the bachelorrect This is my argument to you. He now is old. Yeah, he's old. He's old. He's old. Many of his friends have settled down and had children. He

probably has had so much play. Yeah, he's ready. He's ready to find that that woman and get married. But what is wrong with him psychologically that he needs? You know what I mean? Like, what is the quirk and his personality that is so desperate for this? Like? What is wrong with him for he Why does he want to be the bachelor? Yeah? Like that? How badly does he want fame? And like television ladies that what is wrong with him that he didn't find? Like, I just

think there's some major damage somewhere. Although I guess we met Nika. You know, I think he maybe he's ready for an adventure. Maybe he's just really adventurous. Do you like how I'm spending all of this. You're such a good You're really good. I'm so naive and optimistic and you should be a politician. You're so good. I think I think you know what. I don't mean to be skeptical, because I get I get where they picked him. It's just a long time in bachelor years to to have

not been like this is many years back. So basically, all right, let's go to the Faro ceremony. She's a mess, she is. She cannot get it together. I don't blame her. She has three great guys, and no matter which one you picked, they're going to be sideswiped. Oh she's so adorned. She's oh my god. And she covers her eyes like the other girls. This is before everybody get those long

permanent eyelash extensions like they now. They all come in with like basically like burlesque feather fans and judged to their eyes, and they cried with their hands fully like their fingers arched out and fully extended like under their eyes. She actually like it's like a little kid that like hides her face with her hands. She's so cute, she's so sweet, and uh, she's hip. She's devastated. And she breaks up with Sean and they go and they sit on a bench and it's silent. She's like, do you

want to say anything? And he said, I just I feel kind of stupid. I felt and then he was like and then he goes, you should know this is really going to hurt me. I know. That was and the way he did it. It wasn't in a guilt trippy way. It wasn't it in a gross cris way, like what was faster? He was. He took it like a man. And then he got in the car and he said, my whole time through I never even pictured like I was picturing my life, how I was going to be a dad and giving her that her whole family,

that the little family she wanted. And he you can see why they picked him to the b the Bachelor, Like he's a true pure guy. He's so sweet, he's so sweet, and she said, I wanted to pick you, like of course she did on paper. You're mad at you're you're mad at your little lady panty area. That's not excited. It's like, this is everything on paper. Why are you betraying me and not letting me pick that guy? Because he'll treat me like a queen, And yet I'm

not excited about it. Yeah, And you know, he was so sweet, and I know I like to teach him momentlessly, but he he said he was going to miss her more than she'll ever know. And if it's you know the fact that she let him though, if it's the best for for her, she has to do. It's the best for her. I mean, he is. He was so sweet when he says she walked out and he said, there's my wife. That's my wife. I can't without a doubt.

I can't even handle it, I know. I mean the good news is that he ended up okay, Yes, and that made me really happy. Isn't knowing the handed up? Okay, he's got his babies, his babies, taking baby on the way. Do we like his wife? We like her? Yeah. I mean what was really interesting about sewn season is you would think that he would pick somebody just like Emily Write, a nice southern girl. He ended up picking a young woman from Seattle who was a vegan blogger who is

really quirky. Oh right, you know what everyone wants, what's not obvious. Everyone wants a different flavor, everyone wants something exciting. Yeah, and so he is. So they ended up together and they rode off into the sunset on an elephant, married, and they have a little boy. Uh and now they're

expecting another trial. Well, I have to say at the at the outtakes for this episode of Ari, so they had they made them do at the Rose ceremony that each of them had to do a video that was so painful to watch that was like, Emily, I love you basically one final plea, which was awful, but watching the outtakes of Ari trying to do his work amazing. He was adorable. He's adorable. I know, I know, I know,

I know. I'm glad I'm watching this. God, Lori, You're so good at this is You're just so good at this, you know, thank you. I guess next week is our final week. How do you feel? How we're saying, just anybody that's watching along with us at home, we're gonna skip mentel All, but we're gonna go to the Word next week. We're going to do the finale and after the final rows, those are going to be the last two that we do. Well, you know, I got so I know this that we were missing mental All. I

actually watched it. How was it? How was it? Uh? You know, it was pretty uneventful other than Emily called out Kaitlyn again and um and she had a little talk with Sean, But it was pretty uneventful. Um well, um, Glory, you're the best, You're the best, Yoda and friend A girl could ask for it to be? How is it rewatching it? Oh, it's so good. You know, I'm liking Emily so much more than I liked her during her scene. It. Um, she's great. Appreciate her a lot more she I find

her to be adorable. Yeah, I really like her and I'm so happy that she is freaking having her four child. Dude, I when she once you pointed this week that her last night out you know what was to eat? It makes me sad that it's not with one of these. Well, now we know, we know what we can say because we know Chris has gone home and it keeps saying Ari, does we know it's gonna be Jeff. I'm sad that

it's not with Jeff. They were so cute together. Yeah, but he's called that that that shame bult he really has. We can discussed all that next week, Laurie. Will you help sing us out? And I want to tell you, Okay, I can't. We'll get more we I'm not allowed to give you any more major details until the fifteen, but we are officially ago in San Francisco Sunday, January twenty eight, and that's all I can tell you. But it's going to be You should get yourself to San Francisco Sunday, January.

The tickets are only gonna be like twenty or twenty five, so it's doable. Um yeah, it's gonna be so fun. We're gonna have we have a few things we can tell you, but not yet. Um so here we would love to have people would really appreciate. It's a really I bet he would do it. How many questions to ask him? I bet you know what? That's a really really really I don't think it would draw crowd, but you know what, we may need to go out to

Venice and go visit Dean and Jeff home. Yeah, I know they have the connection through Christina, but I want to ask him what happened between he and Ari. I want to ask him. I want to ask him so much. I know too, got me too. That's a really good point. That's a really good point. He rarely does any social media posts, maybe like one you know on Instagram, but you know he posted that whole thing about or which we can talk about next week. Yeah, yeah, I have

so many questions. Well, I wanted to know we got turned down by Peter's manager, and like, I'm not done though, I'm gonna still try to personally read out to Peter. I'm not fully convinced that we can't get Peter. I don't want Peter. Peter doesn't want to be there. But I'm not giving up the Peter flame right now. I don't know if you need me to take us, you know, take a selfie of my my white ham apps. I'm

happy to Oh my god, would you please? You can say all this could be your Would people want Nick Viale? Should I try for Nick? Uh? I mean that might be interesting. He seems further grumpy lately when he's been doing interviews. Didn't fun that? I don't want that. I know I would like Jeff Holmes too, but I don't think anybody can. Right. Here we go, Okay, more more more next week? Ok here we go, here we go, here we go, and oh job, that's how you do it. That's how you do up, that's how you do it.

Sept I think I really do really here. Oh god, I love if you have a Facebook and watched you know what we didn't do. We didn't read our emails, but we could do it next week? All right, everybody? Should I do the emails? Should I do the emails now? Anyway, should I do them, should I read them? Or no, We'll do the next week. I'll do them next week. Thanks for listening to you, guys. Mine now leaving notice to dot com. What thing