"RIDING THE BIPOLAR HIGH!" With Bryan Safi

melt down closed. So I'm hoping to set up my own podcast studio in my garage. That's so I'll be just like Mark Marin and Anna's sweet guy said he could help me build that. So that's part of what your five dollars or ten dollars we're go to is helping to build something so we can just continue this ship show in my backyard. So here it is. This is the episode that based on the first two episodes of Bachelor in Paradise, we're gonna do another one. It

will be up on Thursday. Brian and I Debbie Ryan has agreed to get onto this ship show train and if you guys want to watch along. Um, somebody emailed in her name was Susanne b. She found an app called ex pat that you, Um, I think you have to pay a membership, so you might have a you might be able to find a sneaky friend who can help you watch these for free. But um, they alter your phone and it tricks the country you're in, so you can watch it on your regular browser, so there's

ways to watch it. It's so fun. I'm about to get to episode five, which we're going to break down with Brian on Wednesday. But it's where Daniel the Canadian arrives, as well as Grant the Fireman. And I think that Jared from Caitlin season does sometime in Australia, so we

also have what we're doing on Patreon. We're also my friend Brendan and I are breaking down on real We are going to talk to this woman who wrote the bad behind the Scenes Bachelor books, so you can email any questions and quite honestly, it's for you guys, so let us know what you want to hear. What kind of things do you want for bonus episodes? Um, So there you have it. Here's here's a little a little taste test of what we're doing on Patreon and if

you like it, go to patreon dot com. That's p A t R e o N dot com backslash w y A t R. Because we're just starting the Bachelor in Paradise Australia thing. Now We've only the only episode that's up is this one, and we're about to record another one. So I hope you like it, hope you get on the bandwagon trying to build a podcast studio. Okay, bye, Oh my god, I'm so excited. I needed this. I've been so cranky. I feel like this is my prozac.

You know, Yeah, where you accept this? Are you ready to hear me attempt to do in most next feels? By the way, what I have discovered is it's the hardest because every time I watched this, I kept trying to do what I can't talk it all out? Oh my god, don't you feel like I feel like finally I'm safe. Just listen to this this rose. Oh my god, let the circle be unbroken. Friendship, it's your friendship. Were

starting you guys were starting a club or in the coven. Hello, my name is Arta Marine I'm host of Will You Accept This Rose? We are off roading on Patreon and I've stolen a podcast cole host. He's sneaking. He's sneaking just as a guest host. Just as a guest host. He's my he's my friendship lover. He is in a club with me with that has two members others me. I guess there's three members to remember? Is there so many? I am in part of a club. It's called the

Cone Club. It's me, Lauren Lapkiss and this gentleman. He's also the host of Throwing Shade podcast. He looks great in a mustache. I was trying to get him to live in my backyard, Bryant. I want to show you my backyard and see if you might want to live in it. To my right, a woman that I just logged in I like in some eye torture and she gets texts when I die, which will probably be tomorrow, and I do expect a full parade. I will expect

a full parade. Nude nude from the waist down, dude from the waist down, Barbara Bush style nude from the waist down. I told Anna, when I die, one of the things that needs I am the worst texter or ever. I even if I kind of even if I type it auto crisp, I cannot send a text with the proper wording. Just fucking fired off looks just as to poor human who I adore so much, and I just broke it down in Tas with Miss Anna Honey. Her also hosts the very thriving and popular podcast Ethnically Ambiguous.

Yes they do thriving. I don't know about that. I consider you thriving. You got a free mattress. I do get a free mattress. Um also with us a man that also came with us to TA who Pagrick Brewster pointed out, looks like Bill Murray from the mouth down and whoever. And our engineer, Mr Zach you know what, he turned around and I saw it, like cute in his prime and his prime and his prime like a kid is much better hair and much cute. He's like Surf Murray. He's surf Yeah, he's like Surf Murray's. By

the way, anyone picture that surfer? How did that never happen? How did that may never got made? I feel like he maybe not doesn't want to go in the water or something. Give any financial tips, and yeah, financial tips, I'm putting on my money in real estate? Is that about ik? That is down a lot? Is it? If I want to buy the SMP five hundred? Is now a good time? You have that kind of money? Can't you buy like a thousand dollars worth? How much do you need to spend it? Buy it? Just a it's

just a mutual fund. Oh, you know if you don't know what that is, I don't know what it is. I don't know what it's at right now. I'm not asking that's two grand over one? No, obviously not, because I wear the same fucking overalls every day and you you have to pry them off my my body as you as you do the nude from the waist down. Bartra, Oh my god. I did a stand up show last night. Can I just say it was painful? Like there were here? It was there were It was like there were people

just staring at us. And then I made fun of a woman in the audience. He was just glaring at us. And then she pulled out a notebook and started taking notes. And I think she was a development executive. I just didn't have it in me to be judged. You know what I mean, I didn't have it in me. I mean, but someone pulled like this isn't like what is that show the marvelous Mrs mays, that's like that's when they pulled out notebooks. Seriously, I'm like you, Alex. Ale she

pulled out a notebook. It was Alex, but it was like, Alex, I know you, why are you? You could just tell me to my face what you don't like about my act. I can tell you where my flaws are and also what kind of notes just funny or not funny? Not funny? Made fun of me? Not funny? I know. I think I picked to the wrong person before we get going on, which I could not be more excited about starting this, this adventure of our podcast. I want to thank everybody

that came out to Austin. It was it was so fun. And to the crew Laura Simpson and her crew who sent us the wine. And I owe an apology to Seth that when I was in Texas in Dallas, the dingdong at the door goes that, girlf we're talking about another woman that I was pretty convinced was gonna murder me. He's like, he's twenty seven he's fifty five. Seth about is thirty five years old. He tweeted me. I called

him fifty on stage. He tweeted me and he said, I guess new fifty Seth that who we love love, I owe you an apology. And I say this as a ninety eight years young woman. I believe that the dummy at the door that called me the girl come So I guess I didn't have Oh not not because you're the girl. Everybody's on this podcast has already heard this. You're a girl comment. Crant I got jokes for you. You know, they say there's two comes of people in this world. I'll say there's two comes of titties in

this world. A left titty and a rat titty. Oh my god, I would have. I would have. It would be the first time in my life. I would have put all my money into a lear jet and I would have I would have flown privately. She was like, I actually found that it gave me superpower because for the first time in my life. I actually I had just had it that we I kicked out fifteen people from a show. There was just all these like hammered fifteen.

They were like twenty year old boys, and they were just like strunk and when of them kept going bo and I was like, you know what, Like I dealt with him a few times, like I'm going call me and I was like, you know what, I'm done, Like get them out. I'd like sick, para is I did? I kicked him out. Um, I felt pretty good. So what we're about to do, We're about to start our journey. Here's our bonus out. This is the most excited I've

been in a long time in life. Really, we hunted down and I'm not going to say who helped me get access to this set that. But we are now reviewing. We are we are doing. We are reviewing the season of What is Like? Why Is It? Why is Being Hidden from Us? The greatest television show on the planet right now, Bachelor in Paradise, Australia. We're about to review the entire season. Find it your friend who's good with technology, who can help you illegally download these So right now

we're just going to do the first two episodes. Overall, guys, I am loving it. I like it. I think even better than the American version because, first of all, like on the very shallow level, the bodies are out rage a butterface of the guys. Guys are looking. The women are beautiful and natural, like the women are not all the women. A lot of the women are fairly natural and beautiful. The guys are rocking bods. Butterfish, butter There

isn't one. There isn't one guy there even honestly full package wise, even with the body that I would necessarily want to wake up. Okay, so if you guys, because again I guess none of you have seen this show. So here's right. Here's the lay of the land overall, just comparing just out of the gate Way better Resort. They're all in Fiji, stunning, non pre mean like so such like the water is crystal Caribbean blue. The actual resort looks clean, like the accommodations are like so nice.

There doesn't there's no shots of any sort of like beach insects and yeah, it's just and they like decorated with a lot of like hanging basket pended. It's like it's like a it is actually paradise. The other one is like Bachelor in I guess you couldn't afford the four seasons. Yeah, this is this is like opens the tiny like you walk into that. It's so beautiful. It's so beautiful. It's like the paradise in the American Paradise. It's like kind of like a broke down shed paradise. Yeah. Yeah,

we painted it orange. You know, it's nice. Yeah, what is that word that I learned about? What is that? Like me, like, what is it? When it's there's like a tropical canopy that I'd learned that I'd never heard, like like like kept wanting to sit under on that. We did this in another podcast. I don't know, Okay, I wish it was a mosquito net. Then the host the host, I, okay, I look it is ausher. His hair it looks like Carmen Diaz and something about Mary.

His bangs are just straight up and like a it's like a studnam me of just straight Like it's like he couldn't even do the full falcon. It's just he went up and he wanted to swoop back, but it hardened so fast that it is just straight up in the front. And I've also never seen someone completely void of cynicism like Chris Harrison has an edge, you know what I mean, Like you can tell it and think some of it is funny, Ausher, it just is truly like he's like, this is the best time I've ever

had to google him him. There's darkness. Yes, he had admitted last year that he has social anxiety disorder and I believe maybe bipolar. He might Why you can read well, he's on an up straight. The mania is the peak on everything's going great. I don't want to be there when that camera does like to book the seasons to like fit in with his main Yes, I also feel like,

and this is maybe not a very nice thing. I also feel like he has the body which I really like, which is like you've either just lost a ton of weight bringer about to gain you are you are in betwehich is me, which is my body? You're in between

her and I find that so sexial. I know that a photo sent to me from my performance last night where I was like feeling pretty cute in my outfit and then I saw it and you know, like the drawings of like Eloise like like like I looked like a six year old just did in my tights and it was like like I was like I looked like a little girl who just let her gut out hanging in my but it was just like I thought, I looked so much cuter than I looked. It was such a lot ton and I was like, am I in

an in between her? Right now? Did the picture you hated yourself is exactly what you look like all the time. You know what I think I do? I think I do. I was feeling good about myself. Is like I influenza at in Alaska like a month ago, and even though I was like delirious and insane, I was like, if you take tama flu, you basically lie in your couch and when you're not shipping. Ry was like god gray, but like the as a rail and then Grandma, I mean I looked like a like a crypt keeper. But

then I like, now I look whatever. I know, I'm perfectly. I feel good about myself. I'm not trying to body positive. God no, I loved his body because it made me so. Then, so here's the here's the beauty Anna you mentioned to me, because we we we we don't discuss any of this until we get going. Overall, the Australians are just so much more like they just feel like so much more

low key, like they're just more fun they're chill. That shocked me because I thought they were going to be messy as like, I thought they were going to be just loud and obnoxious. But they're all really kind of yeah, just kind of cool with each other and gets on how keep it interesting and it's not hard to do.

Have you ever noticed whenever you're actually meet in Australian out in the world, they're always on a year long around the world party tour, just flying east like, so they're like, oh, you know what, going a van, here we go, get ready, guys, here comes the most here's my newest defensive accent I gotta And that's how my best friend met her husband. He was in Australian. He was just on his worldlife trip. He was like friends of a friends of a friend, like a ski ski liftofficer,

a tree cutter, fucking their way. They're like looking for MILFs to like stay in their guesthouse. And literally, no matter what your occupation is, there every Australian I've met is like that. They're like, oh, I'm a butcher and a model because they're all beautiful. They're all beautiful, but they are I think it has something to do because people from Kiweezer that way too, where like they're constantly traveling.

I think I must have to do with you're so isolated and Australia's like it's an enormous island but still stuck. You're got to get out of here. It's all so they're gorgeous because they're all, Oh my god, he's about to pull a Dana Gould is about to say, like a Danna Gould joke. They're all gorgeous because they're all relatives of prison criminals, and there's nothing hotter than a criminal. Let's be honest. Had the sexy criminals? Is that what Australia was and they found it? That's hot? This is

what bad boy. They're all relatives are bad boys Australians. I r l any any that I've met, and this is a sweeping generalization, male, female, straight, gay, any anywhere on the spectrum. The hugest flirts. Yeah, so friendly, so friendly. That's what I've noticed when you meet like a real life movie star, Yeah, they feel like you have a chance like that make you feel like they shine their movie star light on you and you're like, am I

gonna fuck you? Like Dean Dean had that quality every time I've had an exchange with an Australia because the jym I go to is run by Australians and they're so good looking. At every time I get any one on one attention, I'm like, oh, this is gonna happen. Yea, Yeah, you make you feel like seen like he sees me Dylan Sea for the first am I gonna fucking Australian

cashier target. It's also it's also interesting watching a show with like that many people talking with you know, for them native ac with an accent, because they really magnified for me, like, oh I always thought there showing an accent was so harsh. No, the American accent. That's all I kept thinking was Oh my god, my voice sounds so nasally and ugly. Yeah. So I was gonna say, if your name ends in an a, it basically ends in an art. Oh yeah, because like Ta, if your child,

you're basically just assuming your ends with an art. It's true. Tira, she's a meny jealous season. I'm so happy to see happy Tara. Yeah, it's so happy. So we don't know anything about Tara Taras and see episode two and we'll get to her to second she loses her ship. She's got a All right, here, here's the basically of the land. Let's just talk basically. The land is we have all these guys come on. All the guys like the same.

They're not that hot through all brunettes. One of whom looks like I think maybe, oh my god, for sure, Vineers. One of whom looks like he's transitioning. Doesn't he look like he's just justin Michael, just kidding, Michael. Oh, I figured that's the one you meant. Doesn't he look like he's transition He's got a very like feminine face that is soft. Think he has a weak chin. So he grew a beard, and my kids, his cheeks are soft, and I feel like it doesn't he doesn't have a

thick beard. It looks kind of like agent tattoo. They all do, so does. Flow has one in between her titties. So here are the main characters that you need to know. The the bad boy, the hot bad boy. His name is Davy. He's two feet tall, also has jis in his air. He's got bright green eyes. Davy was like a little fun rascal that's like, oh, Davy, I don't want to want to have sex with you, but I ever resist you, dude, because you're a hot bad boy.

I guarantee you Davy. Davy has also that sort of look that I think he's he's going to, honestly in his older age, look a little bit like Bette Midler. I think there's something he's like a nice round face. Yes, he doesn't have that gaunt flu face yet, he doesn't have the Tampa flun no no no, no no no no, but but he is like he's sort of from reminds me of Dean, but not necessarily an attitude. I don't know what it is, just there's a quality about him,

and he grew. He grew on me as the episodes wore on, and at first I was like, this is the bad boy, Like, I don't get it. Um. I liked that Tara. One of the things Tara is adorable. I was surprised that she wasn't more of a hot commodity for the guys. If you're because she's heat stroke, the entire really said, did she? She was so funny about it. She started flirting with Michael, the person who looks like he's transitioning, and she and he has a dragon.

He has a gigantic dragon tattoo up his tour. So and she says, um to him, I'm so sweaty. I'm like an overweight man. Am I too sweaty for you? Which I thought was the best intro? No American girl would say that that's true. It was pretty down to earth. It's also like gross putting on podcasts. It's like all the girls, they're all like they can hang with the dudes. I have to say, this seemed level, like no what it seems like the most level playing field I've ever

seen on a Bachelor. But once again, sort of as it happens on our Bachelor in Headise, a lot of the guys didn't seem interested in talking to the ladies at all. Yeah, it was. It was mostly no one. I will say that no one ever really seemed to have a connection. It really seems all strategy, like I have to stay, I have to say. And that was more upfront than it is in Yeah, Like the girls would get together and be like, all right, let's have

a meeting. Yeah, yeah, they got together. They would be like, who are you picking? It's like I'm feeling good that he will give me. I will give him a rose and it's like, I know, they just tell you their entire friend. Yeah, they were really open about it, They really were. They also they show a lot of like behind the scenes and like producer and like you'll see camera.

They don't hide the game of it at all. When we meet Davy, he calls himself a full blown legend and a mama's boy, which is no, there are two things that you should call yourself. He's like just a grown frat boy. I think he lives in that's way. He talks to his parents. He talks to his parents like eighteen times a day. Is that Is that cute? You want a guy who doesn't hate his mom but

doesn't talk to her that once a month. I wonder if the tightest turning on the mom's boy stereotype only because so many more people live with their parents now than ever before that. I wonder if that's just what everyone's like. You live with your parents and never speak to you. You can be living your parents and not be ama. You guys be like, I don't have any money. That's true. I guess you're not living with them because

it's your choice and so much you need help. Yeah, things, things, exactly. You're working towards towards getting that credit score back up. So then we have Brett Brett. We find out from Terra Terry cause he's beating my friend. Um he he and Nina. He was known on his season he had he has a record breaking for the world look at televised kiss and then he was known as Eden. Came out not cute at all. He was a break dancer. He's the one that has a crazy hair and the

beer and be honest with you. Yeah, he's the one I thought was the cute. I like that. I really had the crazy in that, like a lot of fun he has at you know what he reminds me of He has a little bit of his madness. He reminds me a little bit of Brodie Stevens. There is a quality Brodie Steven's madness to have. There is there's a real unpredictability live wire facts. There's a live wire factor which I like and I love that his name is Eden. I think that's so sex save. Yeah, Anna, what did

you think of you? No? I knew right away he would get taken up because he's just that really fun guy who looks crazy but like his personality is enough for girls to be like, I don't care, and he's such a type for somebody. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So then came the hottest commodity on the show. She is in tits and shorts. She's in a milk made Dutch lady outfit. Her name is Florence or flow ride Up. She has a Dutch Australian accent, which just sounds Australian to me.

I am so glad you pointed that out because she Yeah, I feel like she was wanting to lean heavily on the Dutch thing and we were like, you're Australian. What I loved about her was she looked like Jan from the office. What's that lady's actresses name? No Jan chan Um No, No, No, she's in transparent Hardest. She's like a hot milk Mala. She's milk made Hardest. She does look exactly like Malaura hard Yeah, she's first. Sure. Look

at her terrible tit tattoo. That is a because I kept thinking she wearing a really ugly bra and it's like, no, she just is wearing a really ugly tit tate. She kept it fresh. I loved her. I loved her she's the most fun, sexy desired. First of all, here's the difference between like in in in Our Bachelor in Paradise, the twins and Ashley. I. They are full contour. They've shown up with their makeup, carnival trunks and the light. This one has like like a hair ponytail like mine.

Her hair is kind of actually salty. They look like they actually swim in the ocean like they actually they look actually really salty. They're just wearing like strapless move moves sometimes, you know what I mean. They really it

really is kind of nice. She had on like she hadn't like a stars and stripes one piece, bathing with her tits, with her real boobies just pouring out like they covered it was a one piece, but they basically just covered her nipples and her real boobies were just side It was all side tips, just pouring out the side. I loved it. That was okay. In Australia, done cares, Nobody cared. All the guys wanted her, and just because

all the other women that were there were beautiful. But it was like I think flow is like DTF, and so they're like, I I gotta get out she's naughty. They like they were randy for Flower, and she's another one. I think, who who is Like she gives you just enough crazy to where it's hot. She's hot, you know what I mean, Like you're like, what's she gonna do next? Yeah, she's like her she's hot hot. Laura harded, Yeah, like narrows her eyes and that's when you know something. She's

kind of fun. So here's just for the lay of the in. Then there's another guy. So so Davey are a little short bad boy is like, who's the mom's boy? Full blown legend. He's like all about flow. I've got it's like a brat you'd find an escape park or something like that. He's just like he's like locked and loaded on flow. I like flowy, like flow. But the problem is his buddy, Jake has also been hump and flow.

Off camera and Jake shows up and Jake supposed to be Jake is like he sounds like he's sort of like he's not as cute as he thinks. He's just tall. He's just he's just tall. He wears driving loafers. He's sort of to meet, Yeah, and he sort of has that sort of there's something in the job that's very like sort of Alison Janny about him. Yeah, he's strong features. Yeah,

there were certain angles where he looked hot. At the end of the episode two with them, when they got the wrong camera angle, his cheek and his chin were like too much hot. He thought he was barely going to try. Yeah, he's like, you would be lucky if I tried to get at it. Yeah, he so, so he comes in. I guess he had a flow of been hooking up off camera before this happened, and then we don't know what happened, but he did something bad

and she was mad at him. Right, he probably ghosted her, That's what I assume yea, and then was just still around town because they're both like from the Gold Coast. He's from the Gold Coast, would know oh yeah, right. He had a reputation up and down the Gold Well that she called him out on. She called him out on it. She goes, she said, flow, you just say that the stories about Jeeke ellis you have a reputation because it's a good or a bad reputation. Becau. That's

how it works. If you have a reputation, it kind of means that people you don't know are talking about you. That's a reputation. Sometimes it's a good reputation and people you know say good things about you. Sometimes it's a bad reputation and people you don't know say bad things about you. And unfortunately you're in the last category. Seems like she could have cut to the let break it down to find the word reputation. Yeah, and it's so basically the big drama of the episode was Davy or

a little short hot thunder. He gets the first date card and there's really not dates. They're basically you want to walk down this beach. There's no you're right, You're right. They don't do anything. And they barely do anything on the dates of Bachelor in Paradise, but they really don't. Yeah, it's like here's a bowl of mud, put each other cover, not put it on our titties. One of the dates, they just walk somewhere and then sit down and like drink wine. You know, there's no like they just like

put him in the forest. And one of them, I think was literally someone goes, do you want to go on a date right now? And they just went went on the ball. Dude, just like like why can't they all just go on a date. So he goes. So Davy is the date card and he wants to ask slow but then he doesn't. It's like Bros Before Hose. So he's like, I'm gonna do the right thing. And he asked this other girl who's beautiful. So they go on a date even though he's thinking about Flow and

he's like he's like, tries, what was her name? Yeah, she had some like backstory being a villain or something. Yeah, I thought she was sweet, but I mean they're all like villains on this show. She was really pretty. He goes in for the kiss, she's not feeling it. The date's not that good. He comes back. He's regretful for not asking the one he wanted to ask. But why

did they all kiss? No matter what they do, they do they're like, I'm really not feeling him in the in the like interview and then it shows them kissing and then back to and they're like that was not good because you didn't want them. I've we've been there. I've been there. I know watching that it made me feel like I haven't had one of those kisses in a long time. But it was when you're watching and you're like, oh boy, here we go, just get through it.

This is happening. Oh god, here we go. There's nothing we're discuss saying. Then, like a kiss that you just don't want it is so gross, so disgusted when it's like and the other person, it's almost worse when you can tell that that is that it's not just like a drunken kiss, when you can tell that they actually really like you, but it's like a romantic yeah, they're yeah, they're like nervous about it, like they're actually want to

they're courting you, like they're not. Just like, it's almost to me better if it's just like, oh you're there, I'll kiss you were drunk, rather than like I wanted to do this for so long totally oh god. And you're like, oh god, I have to handle this now, Tommy. And then and then they say weird, like that happened to me once. And then we were like kissing and the guy goes, you know what i'd like to do and just like not to sexually, just why don't you

come back to my place. We'll have a drink and I'd love to give you a great missile And I was like hide away from a stranger. Great offer, do you know what I mean? Like, I'll do it right now. Who tried to make out with me with Caesar salad in your mouth? Chance? Think nothing too sexual? It would have been hotter if you didn't add the nothing new stuff. Of course, Oh my god, it's clinical. I like, I remember, I remember I had like such a crush on my brother,

like my older brother's friend. I had like such a crush on him, and until I kissed him, and then like he was like lurking around and then he wrote a play about like what a witch I want? And all you did was not kiss him again. I kissed him once, like I kissed him fully close. But it's like, dude, get get a fucking life. What is this like? What are we like? Is this a west Anderson movie? What do you wrote a play about it? What did you

see it? I rented out the community Rushmore three Billy's Revenge. Um. So then so then they come back here one of my favorite quotes. So then Davy returned from his bad date with a girl that you don't want to go with, and Lea goes like I went to blow the kettle. They went on a date I put on my two minute noodles. They went and eat my noodles. They came back, they hooked up, and they've broken up. I went to go blow the kettle. I just blow the kettle two

minute noodles. I like, it's just like, I don't know, it's just as it gets to it. Yeah, I blow the kettle. I put my two minute noodles on, I put the water, and I came back. I'm blown the kettle. The noodles are God. They broke it up. It was like an urgency to it. Yeah, they're like. At one point someone said was like, you want to go rock at date? And I was like, wow, hardcore. Well I later on when so many came up and she looks at his deck and he goes, did you just look?

I couldn't. I couldn't even understand. I don't even understand half of the need subtimes. I was gonna say, I kind of wish we could put subtitles on because someone I'm just like, you guys have to watch the show. You have to watch the show. Okay. So then we get a villain who show is up. Her name is Kira, and we have sexy lady music and she's sort of trashy and she's like a vamp. She looks like a combo. It's like an eighties movie. He's like an eighties movie.

She is. She's like the villain in like teen Wolf or something like like like what was that science when where like the brother chet and the weird science, weird science,

just like but she's like a little Doughey. She would have been so mean to Molly Ringwall, so mean and like her eyebrowser on too dark and her hair's too bleached, and you can keep saying when she goes to see aush Er, she's got new tits and she's like so excited about it, and she kind of keeps putting out all like like waiting for him to comment, and he's he's his mids are working that day. He's too smoot.

He's too smooth to comment. Um. So then so then that's the first episode, and we get to the second episode and Jake and flow Um Davy keeps trying to apologize. He keep trying to apologize to me Laura Harden and um and Jake comes up. And by the way, that's another example of how not bad this bad boy is is that he was like, I really like her, but you too. Okay, go for it, and he's a bad boy. Yes're like respectful of each other. And then he was

actually really nervous and sweet. He really liked Flow. He kept trying to like court her and like let her know that I'm really sorry I should have picked you. Like they had such a good chemistry. Yeah, how old is he is? He young? He seemed young. I thinks. I also like that. I wrote down a lot of them.

U oh. This was another expression. They said that Jake came around, came over, and he goes when when uh, Davy, when Davy was upset that Jake was moving in on Florence, he goes and then Jake comes over and cuts my grass. It feels like it's like a nineteen It's like a nice it is, don't it is? It is so weird to watch because it's the same show that we know with people we've never seen before. In accents, it's in

English that we can't understand. It's fascinating. I think Bachelor in Paradise has such an advantage of being a show you can really jump in on and you don't really it's so fun because it's so much fun. It's so fun. Yeah, I love it. Yeah, I feel like and also I love that moment. Kira was just like laughing in Davy's face where he's just like, yeah, I did this and then I took her on dates. So now she's upset and she's like, I'm so sorry. But a lot of the guys say they all came from and I don't

know why. I thought this was so funny. They came from Sam Frost's season. Yeah, like day Sam Frost. Yes, I wish we could see who the bachelor bachelor all. One of the exciting things was they had a black bachelor. That was exciting. I was like, yes, Australia. He was really good looking. He was when they went their date was to to the dirty the dirty street, like I went to a food truck that was one of the day and she was like she kept calling a dirty

street pie. I'm like, well, like I am beautiful, No, I have that. I have that, like hopeboy. If you think I don't have all of that, I have all of that. Okay. So so, so Davy's trying to make it up to Flow and up comes Jake, the bad boy with the reputation and he doesn't even look at Davy, and he asks her on a date. He's got the date card, and Davy, more than being upset that flow is gone, is angry that Jake didn't even his feeling. He said, delicate flower that David, Yeah, he was really

like bummed out, like really hurt. He didn't you look at me? His parents cann't fix it, yeah, Davis eight, he knew his father to step in and fix the prompts, right. So then so then go on a jungle date and um, they have a waterfall. Oh when they described the waterfall is cute, which I that was so strange because it's a towering waterfalls cute and they were like, look, how cute, and it's like, what would take you out in a minute?

So cute? Do you? I'm curious. I was kind of thinking this, who do you think someone was leading them? Like where did they know where to go? Somebody had there? Had you been right, she'd just be like this way and I'd be like, I don't get lost lost snake like that. So she goes, what if I said no? And I never thought she said no? And then and then she just she liked that. She liked that he also said to her, uh no, she said to him, I don't know what to talk about. To be honest,

she said that she I don't know what to talk about. Basically, she was like, it's our first time sober together and she did not know what to talk about. And then he was like, you want some champagne and she was like, yes, I do, which was amazing. So then back at the base, they're busy, they're talking, They're like, oh and basically this

the beginning the first row ceremony. The girls hold all the cards, so they're like, another guy better not come because it's six ladies and eight guys, and a bird starts crowing, and you know that means another dude with the craziest man bun. You have the nest of hair, a blonde ginger nest and nest these guys guys. Yeah, it was like Patti Smith hair or something like. It

was just like really just wild. It was wild that like I don't it was like Donald Trump grew uptail, like grew a ponytail and was kind of a short cute and then but I loved and I was so delighted when he arrived. It was two dudes running at each other. One of them screams, oh, this is romantic, and he jumped up in Eden's arms and he wrapped his legs around eating and they were all picking him up, and he was staying on his season, on Sam's season, and that he won the first rose, which they call

the double Delight, the double delight. That's so interesting. Double delight rose sounds like an appetizer, like a Japanese a double delight rose. That took me in. I was just like, wait, what double It was like, what different countries? I was like. I was very like, what does that mean? The double delight, like twice as nice or something. Yeah, double delight rose. So then people, the girls are not that excited. The people call him Uncle Sam, and somebody says, no, I

have no romantic interest in my uncle Sam. I'm glad he's just my uncle. And that creat cream man because he's short. I think it's short, and he is a nest of Trump pair. It's a man bond of Trump. Yeah. And he's also one of those guys. I think he looks a little older than he is. Yeah, because I think they all have sun damage. I think they just also the sun is really bad for you in Australia twice as harsh as a red hat who lives in

the in the desert where some black every day guys. Also, I looked it up double Delights a type of rose. It's like that like yellow, but I won it. Um. So then Jake and Flow they're back under their cute water flow fall and they're they're kissing. They're like, which is I'm trying to lead my head because my heart gets me in trouble. Um, But when like magnets, when we're together, it's like, you don't seem like you have

any chemistry unless you're drunk. And then they just start kissing in the waterfall, and then she keeps talking about what he did to her, which was I think ghosting. Um, we find out the Eden's in love. One of the other guys says it with who Lisa? I think, okay, she's she's sort of like the Lisa, sort of like the like the every woman in a little bit, like she seems cool and she's like totally normal. She's the

pretty brunette. So then the so then Uncle Sam shows up and he puts the only lady that's available side, who's the who's the bad girl from the eighties movie. And so they go have a drink at the bar and then he said, did you just look at my I don't know what he'd basically look at my dick because and she was like yeah, She's like, I don't want just the drinks, the drinks, like she didn't want just getting the dregs of the pack. I don't even know. Oh,

that's right. She kept saying the drags, the dragon d d. She also said that they looked alike and that that was in session stral. Yeah, so she said it was a business decision for her to pick him. It's they're so low key here and Sam, They're like, well, it's a business decision. They barely mentioned love on the show, even even Oshan at his highest hime, even even like no no I mentioned it's like it just falls away there,

like a chance to stay on the island. Yeah, a lot of people like I just want to come have a fun flirt. I'm hoping for a flirt, like like here's like if you're not engaged, and I think they're there for four weeks. I think here they're there for two weeks. You're kidding. I think it's only two weeks. In Mexico. They brought in a lot of people in the second episode, and like people get like Jade and Tanner got married, and then Carly and that's even who is kind of rude to me on stage and he

was sassy. He's like he felt like, here's my moment, just trying to be funny. Yeah, because I they did listen to an episode and I'd probably made jokes like he came off as a fool in that season with yeah he did, he did, he did. It always happens when you're like, what a fool and then you meet them, you're like, okay, well they're kind of nicely whatever, um okay.

So then so then there's a whole drama that this douche Brett has a girlfriend not on the show, but it seems like she's gonna be but she's like going to be like the world and like poor Tera, who's such a freaking like codependent, is trying to get a girl to like give him a rose. So she so

Brett gets his chance at love. It's like, well, don't you realize that that means she's keeping a guy around who's gonna then ditch her, Like why why don't you give him the rose of like so um it was it was there was a whole drama and a producer went and attacked him and was like, do you have a girlfriend? He was like no. Basically we'd heard him just be like, yes, I have a girlfriend and his

stupid hat and glasses. Yeah, And then he goes, well I kind of do and I kind of don't, and and the producer goes, I guess the biggest query we're working out is, um, why are you telling us that you're not in a relationship. Then he goes, well, I think it's very easy to say, like are you seeing Someone's fine? But they're like, well, it's really important for Paradise that everyone's not a relationship because it's the whole show. Are you single? Are you in a relationship with stuff?

And because I've been seeing stuff for the past year? But are we Facebook official? No? What a day saying you've been seeing someone for a year? A year and you won't cop to the fact that you're together year. He was such also that he said Facebook official, that seems like they definitely came up with a plan to want to go to Paradise together such and then they horror got thrown under the bus so hard. You're right, I was mistaken. Like I was like, this is yeah,

she fully got manipulated. I was like, get thee to Alan on Hunt. He's like, you were wrong, horror right, And she's like yeah, she's like rubbing her body just like catching as much wind as she can't, just sweating up a store so hot, it's so hot, it's so hot. Um. And then so one of the things I liked and Sam and Kira went on a date. She's like, we could go over there and let go over the thing. It's fucking romantic. And then they just kept making jokes

like is this fucking romantic? And He's like this just feels right. I like that they're just make fun of it. They just are like kind of low key and like to party. Have you talked about Lorena yet? Okay? So here she goes. So there's a new addition. Do they call Lorena Lorena? She she ate the dirty street high Um, so she goes. I put a lot of effort. This is maybe the most high, high maintenance woman on planet. She's she's the Ashley I of Australia. Maybe oh yeah,

and Claire yes, and Claire maybe more Claire. Actually, I put a lot of effort and said, she looks like um, Megan Foxes. I put a lot of effort into setting my days up with intentions and affirmations. I am light, I am love, I am laughter. But then I looked at her entire book. I am love, I'm we saw her journal, I'm creativity, I am whole, I am powerful, gratitude. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah yeah yeah. So then this is are you guys ready to hear what she wants? This

is what she wants to go? There we go. I wrote it all down. I'm looking for someone who's intelligent and witty, loving and affectionate and funny. Somebody who is spontaneous and inventorous, contented and respectful, playful and adoring. Somebody who knows how to be peaceful. Somebody who is spiritual, a man of God. Somebody of pretty high energies, really healthy, accepting and understanding to be I mean, how needy are you?

You're definitely going to find a man of God at bachelor And I'm mad of God, how out of your And then she goes in. She was like, oh, and I can't wait to flirt. The guys can't wait? She walks in. She's so ready to give her gift of herself. One really not cute guy walks up to her and she's like, all right, you want my card. I feel like that's how everyone operated. They were just like, oh you came up to me, Okay, we're in this, you

know like that, no one, no one. And it didn't it felt like if she'd wanted it did not feel produced or manipulated. It. No, it felt like she's so crazy that she needs to feel needed and he's the one that needed her. So he gets the card. Blake Blake Strong Brows, who had to redeem himself because he did something bad on the season. Yeah. I guess he was like a really bad guy on the season or something.

And then he just wore like I don't know he was wearing his I just remember his tea shirt was the exact same color as the skin was, like, none of these guys were. It was like ron. But she also said which I loved um. He was like, oh, do you think we're gonna fall in love here? And she goes, I've fallen in love in four days before. Oh my god, what alone a lot about you for technically you could have fallen in Loved twice in one week that I followed in love before in four days twice.

She was so weirdly maniacal in that way. She's like, we had a kiss, it was a four. Like she's like an Excel spreadsheet. All times she had a crazy laugh. D She would say something like the way the women at least looks based outperformed the men a handily. They're stunning. They're stunning, and they're all kind of like hot. It is all get out but like believable, like you kind of buy that they could exist without plastic surgery, Like

they all like believably hot. This guy I didn't even realize was on the show, is that mac Yeah, she looked like he looks like a bad Dylan McDermott's like third cousin. You know, I think he's give sexy ears are bad. I think it's that. I think it's that there's there has to be a little self consciousness there his ears. It's his ears. I don't like Martin Freeman just showed up out of nowhere, and he did because he was hooked up with like a hot immediately he

got hooked up with that gal. That was the reject of date. I mean, so he stay go on this date. The first guy sun damage. It's totally sun damage. I'll tell you sunblok hats. I love cigarettes, but they're bad for your skin and maybe your lungs. Listen, guys, I know smoking makes you look cold. Do it? Don't beat don't, don't, don't, don't aige your face unnecessarily. Um. I mean you look cool, but definitely look cool. But you know what do it?

I mean they go on this date that they basically the date is they walk down to the beach and there's a bowl of mud and they're like, here, this has healing properties. Cover yourselves in mud and then go in the ocean. And so they did. He went right for her tits, like with his hands with the mud. That's right, and also like her honestly looked like he was going to go like right for her, like vagina rubbing. He was really not aware that time's up in me too.

His happened. Felt that felt strange to watch. She says, I do my best working holidays and flirting with the boys. I'm scared of breaking a few hearts. I with the world's worst accent, who is eligible by looks and shot and he will make take the initiative and then I will give it to them. Jaws dropped when she walked in to be I would like to be given the

power walking in on a lightning bolt. And then they had the sound of thunder and she had a oh my god, lorrainer lorain lorainer um, and then she says he goes on their date. She gave me a look and I felt I felt something like I'm ready to explode. I don't ever want to hear that again. I don't you know what. I also realized that maybe because we don't know the characters, but whenever they're whenever they go I hope God, I hope this says that I hope

no one else comes. And then the call of the crow that you mentioned, they're like, oh, I hope this person doesn't come up and mess up the flow. And then they're like and then the teasers always like, oh my god, look who it is, and they bring out the person, and to my eyes, who doesn't know the people, I'm like, this is the exact same person who every single time like, this is a copy of the exact same person. Yeah, here's what I wonder if that's what

people think of the American I'm sure it is. If you're here's just hot, Yeah you're They're also hot. They all have lash extensions. Here's what's fun coming up, And we haven't there. I don't think they're in the next episode yet. I think we have Grant the Fireman. I think we have Jared, and also I believe we have Daniel the Canadian. Are all going to be on this show.

It makes me sad for Jared just in that it felt like he he he worked like in a restaurant, Like I feel like there was a moment in time maybe he was like I just like he felt like he was bummed, remember how sad because he really really liked Caitlin and then he felt sad that first season that he got kidnapped in Paradise by Ashley I and then like and then he went back and got his

heartbroken by Kayla. It feels like now it's almost like a man who's just given up on life and now he got shipped off to Australia, like there's there's there is not going to end. Well no, yeah, he doesn't seem to have a lot going on. I guess looking

at it and he I don't know. He's someone I feel sad for because I don't even know if it's his choice necessarily to do Bachelor in Paradise, Like it seems like they're like He's like, I don't know if I want to do it there, come on, He's like, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah yeah Lorener Lorrainer, Um, okay, let's see, Kira is an absolute legend. We aready saw that. Okay, wait, I do love that they used that word so much. Here is an absolute that's the way to be, like,

you're super cool. Yeah, I don't know. Oh my god, I'm not a bad person. Um oh okay. So then Tara, when Tara found out that when Tara like she she she got upset. This is I think they edited it early, Like I couldn't figure out it was about the couple thing. Oh, it was about her trying to force the girls to give her friend. She's actually trying to force I think she was a little bit. I feel like to freak

out that much. I mean, because if you're crying and like defending yourself is because you know they're a little right. She was like, I'm not a bad person. I am not. I am not a pushy person. I don't play games. And then of a sudden she went crazy and she was hiding behind her like Geisha fans, and she was like, I don't like this. I don't want to be or can I go home? No? No, I don't want to

be here. No. And I think all that happened was they were like, no, we're not going to give the roads to the person you tell us to give it, you r whatever, and she just lost it. It was she lost her ship and felt like she was doing it in a way that you could be like, oh, I'm sorry, Tar. I was like, well, maybe your Tar is actually being kind of a nightmare right now. Like who doesn't have what it takes to deal with the

pressure of Bachelor in Paradise. Honestly, it's like if you don't have what, I don't want to walk around in a bathing suit on. No, that's a different thing now. But like the like the social pressure, I would hope I could make it through exactly. Yeah, the body pressure, no way. I couldn't make it through the mansion, but I could make it same. I couldn't make it through

the mansion, but at least I'm on the beach. But but I will say this, it would feel bad to be in paradise and not and not be not feel picked if everybody else has been coupled off and you're like the unwanted one, that would feel bad, but you're still in paradise. Yeah, I don't. Also interesting, like a producer went to console her. She did well, yeah, that was like when she walked, I was like, I can't do this. And then like a producer went like rubbed

her back, and I was like, that's a producer. That's what they care about them Here they're like, yeah they do. Like in America, they're just like crying already talked about it. But who went up to Breton was like, hey, why are you here? Man? Instead of letting the drama just play on itself. Yeah, you're right. It's you're like on camera was saying that, well here are you here and just moments before been like, yeah, I'm in a relationship with stuff. It's like, are you in a relationship? When

you say relationship, what do you mean? It's like if you look to gas lighting in the dictionary, just be that scene from Bachelor in Paradise Australia and the producer was just like, look, I don't mean to be a dick, but like these guys really want to find love, and like you're just like you're bringing drama, which we don't want. Yeah. Yeah, he was just like, leave me alone. You didn't care.

So then the big road ceremony, all the couple's pair off, and the final thing was is like, who's flow gonna pick? Is she going to pick Davey who is the bad boy, or she could pick Jake who was on the Driving Loafers dick or is she going to pick this dumb dumb who has the girlfriend at home? And I was shocked. I was too she picked Driving Loafers. I was sad. I wanted Jake. I wanted to watch that play. I wanted Davy. I wanted the Davy uh Laura romance. Why

did she never? Why did she pick him? I can't even imagine. She said that she had nothing to talk about with him, that he was mean to her, and how attracted she was to Davy, and then Davy is just like left out in the cold. But she keeps saying what bad taste she hasn't I mean, she's very open that she's flawed about men. I think it's like her Achilles heel. I mean, and really both options are not great, That's what she kept saying. And she was like, I have the bad O. Well does think she would

think they won't stop bothering me? And then David's walks right up, like, can I borrow you for a second's? Davy Alice was fun. I'm I'm hoping I'm hoping for futures episodes that she goes I messed up? Can I trade? Will you go get me? David? It seems weird that Davy is only going to be here just too fun. I only have one. I was surprised. I felt like, as far as a producer, when he's a fun cast member, you want him around. And everyone seemed genuinely bummed that

he was leaving. Yes, yeah, yeah, I don't know. I was actually very I that really caught me, Like, say, Davy, you know you're gonna pick up And then she's like Jake and I was like, well, okay, were you disappointed? I was like, what were you disappointed? I at least expect her to be like, well, this is the reason I picked him, and she just was like, do you know they're really really she's one of those people who, like you just never ever know what moves she's going

to make. I don't know if a producer. Maybe that's things like I don't know what Australia Bachelor is, like the horrible Like in America, you know, they would have edged like don't pick him like this one because he's more drama. But there it's like maybe everyone's genuine and really cool. Do you guys overall? I mean, if you were, I would say, if you're out there and you're I think it's really fun. I think it's worth turning. It's

on this thing called ten play right. Yeah, it's like a little heart in a ten che and then and then it is just a figure. I had to watch it on Google Chrome. I'm not exactly sure how we are watching this. I watch it on this drive. It just pops up. Yeah, but that was sent to us somebody who figured that illegally for us. But I think there's ways. I think there's ways. If you have a

friend who's good at stealing things from Australia. So my best friend's boyfriend, boyfriend, her husband is Australian and I get a lot of info from him, Like I was like asking all these questions about all these people and just like, oh, I don't really watch these shows. And I was like, oh, you're Brad. Also a lot of the dudes remind me of him, and I just keeping like they just they keep acting like you. It's just cool, man, I'm just texting mall. They're like you, why would you

say that? Zack? Do you have any Do you have any tips for somebody who's going to try to like watch these online ten play It's something about setting your your location services to make it look like, yeah, if you have like a what is it called a VP, Yeah, yeah, it's it's something about a VP on we have to try to make it look like you're in Australia. I ask your sneakiest friend to help you do it. We had to ask our sneakiest friends at that well, and

and he's the one that helped. All you can go to like weird like streaming sites like uh watch series is one of them, Project free TV. This is like when I used to stream stuff. I don't Okay, I'm too lazy these days, all right, but I was overall buy subscriptions for everything now because I'm solazy. It is worth watching though, wouldn't it's so fun? Um? Will you guys break down two more episodes of me next week? I'm gonna be with you. I've already watched episode three.

Was it so good? How many do you want to do? Next thing? We'll do whatever you want? All right, well do we'll do episode three and four? Okay, perfect? I'll probably have finished it. I love it? How much do you love it? It's just the I to say, this is what bachelor paradise amuse is for. Is like after a long day, getting in my bed, having my lap it and just white strips in why going to live in my yard? And we were tacking about end by the way, becoming a compound. I know we would, we would,

I would. I would take adderall for the first time. We both developed adderall addiction. We would build a podcast studio in my garage, Zach, and we would just be I would wake up. We would take adderall. We would do fifteen podcasts. I would never I would be evicted. I would have my house taken from me in like twenty days, not earn another dollar, and then um, the next thing, you know, we'd be a hashtag and they'd be like sex Calton. Oh my god, Brian, do you

have anything you want to promote? Not really every Thursday and so check it out. You're such a drink can I'm gonna read a couple of like us on iTunes. By the way, by the way, don't forget. We have a new fucking website. Everybody after our after part of my Blue language got dirty, I got dirty, guys there with a new website after some some ding dong stole

our domain. We are Rose podcast dot Vodka. There was a moment that website was so beautiful and then we had this scristion squares space and it's uneven, but it's still beautiful. Um. I'm gonna read a couple of reviews from iTunes. This is from five Stars but best past, best ever and Ms Daisy I listened to a whole bunch of podcasts and never subscribed until now. You guys make me laugh out loud at work. You guys don't bully,

but speak so much truth. Love here's another one, five Stars, love Art and Klong when I love it, When Brian comes on, come on, Hey, we're all guests are good. Love it when Brian comes on. Um, all right, I'm gonna read an email. I'm gonna read an email. It was so nice to meet some of the people in Uh, it was so nice to meet you. It was so nice to meet you. Uh. We we had I'll we

had nice things. I'm gonna give a shout out to some of our patron saints of our podcast, Caroline Dempsey, Brittany wi her As, Shan and McKinnon, Katie Tippley, McDonald's who he Meant is so cute? And she won the Kenny Rogers album. Uh Stevie Marine, Nichol, Lisa Harbum and Crane, Carolyne Rose, Janelle ran Hard, Christine Como, Karin Nelson, Kimberly, Sarah Martin are and Jamie, Jessica, Joel, Elizaeth, Laura, Megan, Aman and Kelly, Natalie, Megan, Megan, Sarah Ace, Katie, Rebecca,

Tim Megan, George, Denimo and now and Angel I speak English. Uh, you guys so fun and sets it. I think actually sent some tweets of the week for bauchlor in Paradise. Do you have them? I did not. You know, we'll bring him next time. Tweet us some for episodes three and four. So we can and so I can. I don't have to keep getting it together. You can have my Twitter feet. I've logged it on my phone like a creep. Oh my god, oh my god, oh my Johnny Depp again. I think we are probably going to

go to Nashville this summers. More to be revealed and and then we'll be back in season late May, breaking down. Becca, Okay, Kate, Yes, the dark hair? Did you got all excited? They got all excited. You forgot about Ari walking around the maze of that house? You forget it before? Did we discuss Leslie? Did we talk about when she got? When she got after you came on hush she got? Maybe we did privately, but I don't know that we did. We did? We

did that? She got a tact somebody to become his Spanish. Yes, and the girl who we do is recording a podcast here very soon. No, here's the best thing I have. The best thing we talked about on my podcast. I had her on my podcast to talk about like Leslie con No, No, no, here's the best thing. Somebody emailed me this. I'm gonna read you this. This is from something Michelle Lebal emailed us at Rose podcast at gmail dot com. High Arten and company. You're gonna love this.

I haven't seen you for I thought you'd love to know that. I read into Nick Vielle on Larchmont. I used to work for The Bachelor After show as a talent PA. So we chatted and he was coming from Leslie Kahn acting class, right right, I wrote, Oh my god, of course he was at as perfect as she replied right, and he was with a girl he met in class. I mean track, is he going to try to be hispanic? I don't know what they're going to put in like Nick Nicol, Yeah, oh my god. What if she was

telling that to Nick it was Nick? Um, Oh my god, I can't wait. I wish, honestly we could all just like get an adderall addiction and just watched the entire season today and bang it out tomorrow. But that might be Banana pass. I could probably knock it out. He's been watching basketball playoffs all week, and I'm just like, honestly, thought you were going to say basketball in Paradise and similar it's Lebron James and it's neat Off and wow, is that a different kind of show? That is a

different kind of a show. Well, everybody, um, get ready for the Sexies theme song ever? Who we just Mark Rivers? That man, Brian Anna Zack. Please don't forget the party. Never gonna go rock on a date. I'm gonna go. She really mowed my grass? Yeah, don't cut don't cut my grass. Don't my grass. I'm gonna go, uh voter, what a cute waterfall? I cute. We're gonna We're gonna

have an Australian accent competition. I'm gonna bring in a sentence and we all have to try to read it with an accent, and we get to have the listeners vote and who is the best accent and the worst that I guarantee mine will be worse. And I'm gonna I'm gonna give you a run for your money. It's a hard accent. You're Earnerner Honor by