No Autographs, Please!: "Epcot Hedda!" w/ Drew Droege

exactly the same way as like playing Patty. Like when I listen to it back, I L O L literally just maybe gross, but I do you know what I do too? And I really hate the sound on my own voice. So this is called it's called no autographs. Please. Yes, we're gonna drop each week when you would normally beginning and will accept this rose, We're gonna just put it in our feed. You're gonna we're gonna put the first three episodes when we would normally be putting it up.

But if you want to like and subscribe us to us, that way you can get them. We have a whole bunch of episodes coming out, Yes, and uh you can find out autographs please anywhere you'd get a podcast, please rate review five stars only yea, The Kiese is gonna be on. Michael Hitchcock, Lauren Lopez, Paul Tompkins, Drew Droggie, Carl Tart, Lacy Moseley, all the stars, all the stars.

It's honestly, what's so fun? If you like hang doctor Banana, if you like just hanging out with us, we hope you really like this and if you do like it, if we hope you would like follow and subscribe, maybe leave a little rating. That would be so great as we want show. It helps the show and we want to get picked up for more. Okay, here's episode one of no autographs please? No? Who are you? Where? Will

there be pressed a Honey and Bryan? I hear it laught of podocast, but Honey, no, no, no, no, please we leave it and Lemon Life celebrities did share it up? Autographs please? No autograph? Arden who did do your contour? Thank you so much? My cat Mittens did it this morning. It looks gorgeous. I picked her from the shelter because she had thumbs and I was like, if you're coming home with me. You better work on it and she can beat a face. Hello, and welcome to the first

episode ever of No Autographs Please? Did you have to sign any on the way here? You know what? It was really awkward. I got stopped by a couple of birds between my front house and I did the press. I think the press is here, depressed? Did you? And my name is ARDA Marine. I'm with my best friend Brian Sophie. Hi, beautiful baby boy. Now Arden, Hi, we're doing your podcast. I know. Okay? Did you have decign?

Did you have to sign autographs this morning? I only had to sign one autograph this morning, and it was technically a bill, but it was a bill for something pretty cool. Would you buy energy? It was my gas bill? So I was super pumped about that. Yeah. Yeah, Anna is also here with us by doctor Banana. Hello, No autographs please, Yanna. Damn. I felt like when we were at Bravo Con together, people wanted doctor Banana's autograph. Oh yes, okay, okay, great,

So here we are Brian. Now let's just introduce herselves to our listeners in our friendship. Okay, Arden and I. Actually the way we mess awful was actually the day after your dad died, I think was it on Twitter? And Arden DMed me. I was like, hey, listen to my dad just died. I'm looking for friends. And she goes, and she goes, I think you're really funny. I heard you on Lauren as you do when your dad dies,

you go on twitterlready made friends. And then we met and she finally she goes, it's just so great, like she goes, I had literally never heard of you. She got she was, and then we were like meet the people show like this is Brian. You know, I never I didn't even know who he was. I never got a part of it. Look, I was out of my mind. But look, because I think I got I didn't know what to do with myself. So I went and got a manicure and I listened to you with Lauren Loppez

and you played Bobby Bobby Brown. Yeah that's right, you're Bobby Bobby Brown the male makeup, the male makeup aar and I became obsessed with you and I hunted you down. I like, you're the only person who's DMS I've ever slid into so rudely, by the way, it was wonderful. And then we became friends, and we've become such good friends. We vacation together. We vacation. We freeload from my brother

and Verde Island. We do. We take over his house for like a month, for like literally a month every summer, and we are we live like raccoons, like none of neither of us knows how to cook. We belong or we don't belong. We get invited to the golf club, the tennis club. But we have to pretend to be married. Yes, we have to tend to be so I'm always like, so I'm all over y yes, of course. And we so it's like a town where you kind of have to know, like in order to get access to things.

So we sneak and we pretend to be married. We're a married couple. We went to a yacht party when we were there called YACHTI by Nature. It was a band called YACHTI by Nature. It was the waspiest Yeah get out, yes, wonder yes. Actually everyone was very lovely. But then the band was called Anchor Management. Anchor Management. All I know is this, Yeah, I walked by an elderly couple. First of all, the woman and the couple had cheated at tennis that morning. She was probably with

US fifty five and I was playing gets short. I was getting so set because everything all white, full salteam yeah. And she's talking to I assume her husband yes, And as I walk by her, she looks at her husband and she goes, You think Little Women is the worst book ever written. That YACHTI by nature, that anchor management, and I thought to myself, you know what, this is a successful marriage. And Luisa may Alcott wrote this book for the husband. By the way, you know what that is.

That's a real no autograss please energy. That's a real no autograss please energy. So the reason Arden and I have decided to do No Autograss Please, And sort of the theme of the show is how we handle fame. We handle fame, but also we really don't. We really appreciate people who don't give a fun Well. I feel like both of us come from like we both sometimes can be hard on ourselves, and we do love pop culture, We love glamour. We were rabid consumers of pop culture.

But beyond that, like so sometimes you'll see in pop culture and in your life people that seem to navigate the world with such delusional confidence. It's one I am actually so envious of that, That's what I'm saying. So we're very hard on ourselves. I think we're extra hard on ourselves. And I feel like getting that energy so like of that kind of like you know what that faked team American no like like racial energy, yes you know or I exactly yes, just delusion, delusional and confident.

I mean, I do stand up and sometimes you'll like sometimes you'll be these stand ups like these kind of bros like and again some of them are like the ones that like you just watched the set and like like it went fine. And I'm saying I've plenty of sets of crushing, but like he'll come on people to like fucking killed it. I crushed it and Miller like crushed it, And I thought, how do so we want to harm us? Now? You saw a woman one time wearing a sweatshirt? Oh yeah, one time? Okay, tell me.

But I will say that the reason for going into this is because we do feel like we have some no autographs please honorees. These are people who really give off great no please energy. Yes, these are so if you're looking like who can be somebody that I'm looking to to bring some no autographs please Energy. Really honestly, you have to write us and tell us because we will honor them on the show. They each get a trophy.

Senter them emails who you want to or tweet to us who you want to honor with the no autographs please Energy. We have some like old school classics. So there's a there's old school classic. Well, our first inductee, yes, Hilaria Baldwin. Yes, hilariaw People say, isn't that too topical? And I say, absolutely not. Do you think she's going to stop anytime soon? Here's the thing that's I remember. She was the holiday, she was the Christmas she was

like Christmas camera. It was right around Christmas when people were like, she's not Spanish. Her name is like Hillary whatever, Swank, Swank, Hillary, She's from Massachusetts. Hillary Swank, by the way, is a phenomenal character actress, phenomenal. She would be a great Hilario. She would be a great Hilaria. Yeah. So it turned out they're like, she's literally from like around where I

grew up. She's she's from like the Massachusetts area, and she is pretending to be Spanish because her she went on like a trip was to like like like Barcelona or Barcelona. And then so there's videos of her on the Today Show this is back in the day doing a cooking segment where she was like going trying to like find the word for cucumber, but she could remember in English. She was like, how you sayok, like cucumber. Yeah, ah, yes, yes, cucumber.

And it's like you're from Boston, so brilliant. And then she's still doing it, like she just did it and she got called out. She's like, oh, that's right, I forgot. I only went there for like a couple of weeks. And then now that he's just back in actually with the accent, she's like, please, can you imagine being called out like that and you absolutely just don't stop. It truly is goals for me. It's incredible and just be like and you double down and did you sexy yoga poses?

Like incredible. I now am insistent on my Hillary Swank as Hilaria idea, and I actually think it could be part documentary, yeah, part narrative, and it's Hillary versus Hilaria. It's like Julie and Julia, except we get to see Hillary swink during the day and then Hilaria at night, and we get to see which is you know, little little more. No, I have to say, you just made

eye contact with our guests. And I know we weren't planning on bringing him in till a little bit later, but there's a part of me that is dying to hear his thoughts on no autographs, please energy. So we just introduce our future guests. We introduced who's going to be playing with us today, the one and only you know him. He's fucking no, he's a genius. You've seen him on bobs Burgers, Yes, of course, You've seen him on Drunk History. You've seen him on anything that's worth laughing.

He had this brilliant show that I saw in Los Angeles before I moved to New York. You're called Happy Birthday Dog. But like, he's brilliant. We love him so much, ladies and gentlemen. Drew Drogue, I'm dying over here. I'm like, it's so hard to like, cough a little bit the other room and give us Lario, give us like the energy. Sly. I have not followed her that much, but did you know that she's fake Spanish? Yes? I did. Know about the fake spanishing. I did know about the cucumber thing.

I did see the video like what she's screaming about, like please recently, and it is like, yes, on one hand, like their family is going going through absolute hell right now, but it's also like it feels like there is part of her that's like really enjoying so great about it. It's like please, yes, please, But it's also I'm amazed at people like I'm amazed with like Austin Butler, who's just decided he's Elvis. Now Gozzling has just decided he's

a gangster. He's like Canada, He's Canadian. What's he doing well, Liker Gosling talks like Robert de Niro now, And it's like these actors that are just like I'm taking on this personality. Yeah, he used to be Mickey Mouse whatever, Mickey Mouse exactly. He was Orlando's he was in the Mickey Mouse Gang. Yeah, they run a tight ship at City Walk, they does troll up and down City Walk. I just recently someone who got married yes at Disneyland,

which to me is hell. If I like the love of my life, if he was like, we're gonna get married at Disneyland. I'm we're out, I will be I'll be alone this weekend. And they're like, you can get married. We did the gondola at the Venetias. That's so get married on the white boat. And they're like, we can get you married in thirteen minutes. Okay, just in time for a crab buffet. Like I saw I saw a

T shirt. It was I'm sorry, just there was a T shirt that was waiting outside in Vegas that was called it was like it literally said farts loading zone and it was loading. It was like on that was like they put it on means so like loaded all the food for farts to happen later. It was literally on the mannequin outside the store. That poor mannequin. She didn't ask for that. No, sorry, I'm sorry. Fart now loading, fart now loading so hot. And they were like put

this house every morning. That's no, that's no auto gress. Please edit. I have bad news. I have that shirt you have fart no load. I bought it Vegas, what I bought on Amazon. Wow, that's amazing. I mean I love I wanted it. Did you wear it yet? Have you worn it? So? Disneyland. So the marriage okay, two things. I guess if you're going flun T shirts, T shirt chokes. Yeah, one T shirt. I saw Disneyland the last disney World the last time I was there, which I've only been twice.

You love it? I don't, actually, But the last time I was there, there was a T shirt they were selling with Pinocchio had the long nose midwa yea yeah, lying, he was lying, and the shirt said I didn't come here for the churros. Hilarious. So I guess bunny because he did lying. He did. That's an that Yeah, that's excessive, that's an expensive Maybe his nose is auro. I wanted to buy it so badly, but I didn't. But the other eight by ten wedding photo I saw, yes, eight

by ten, Yes in a cubicle. Yes, okay, yeah that I I don't want to get into the backstory. But I was in this office building of a Saturday, so no one else. Yes, you're still just like an office building. I had to pick something up from somewhere and I happened to have the skeleton key. This is actually a true story recently, why skeleton Okay? Great? Okay. Brian works on accounts payable undercover though, Yeah, don't tell anyone. Don't tell any whether my acting is pay for my p

is it press here? So this eight by ten foot on this swim's desk. Yeah, she was in a full bedding dress at Disney World. Her veil was a white Mickey Mouse hat with a veil and it was like an ears, an ear's veil. It was all sewn together. She walked down the aisle like this and I could not believe. I could not believe my eyes. And I thought to myself, did she Did she have adult braces?

You know what? It was hard to tell. Well, it's something if you want to hide your adult braces, put on giant Mickey Mouse ears as you walked down the aisle, because that's all people will be looking at. What was how weird? And it was attached to the veil, Yes, it was like a piece. It was one big piece white ears. Oh and I thought to myself, first of all, we know you're a virgin for some one hundred percent. Yeah, yeah, yeah, truly the picture was very They were looking each other

very seriously. It was actually very romantic. I mean. But also if you have a big wedding, but you can't have a big wedding party because you're blocking out so many people behind you. It could be near you, behind you that the ears like take over. I have a big question, Yeah, that I think relates to everything we've talked about. Was Mickey Mouse supposed to be funny because he's not? He's not? Was he supposed to be I

doctor Banana? I think, wasn't it? Sort of? I mean, you know, I thought Donald was the funny rascal and Mickey was the nice Goofy's, the funny one Goofy's the Yeah, I think it was like you're supposed to relate to Mickey, I think, and he was sort of like he was just like an everyman, right, No, I think you're right. Okay, before we get to our next what is the sweat shirt that you saw? Oh you'll love this is your

Drugget character. There was a woman this is real, no autograph please, energy, there was a woman at the grocery store. And recently, yes, of course. And I love a statement piece, and I love a literal statement on a shirt. Yes, and this was I think of you every time I see what on screen. Grads so many of them and send them to you. Maybe this one. I can't remember

if I've told you this. There was a woman at the grocery store, which store, which grocers bangs all around her head short crop, it's a head full of trams, headful of Yeah. I was obviously like watching her because I and you could see from a distance her shirt had something on it, like letters on it. And I thought to myself, like, oh, I got I gotta go see what this is. So I walked by her in whatever, I'll remember, when I was buying some different you know, ornaments.

I don't know if it was Christmas or gals. He loves it. He's very right. I don't know, please please, I understand. Anyway, So I passed by her in the front of her shirt and said, I sure do mis teaching kindergarten. And I was like, oh, that's sweet, I guess. And then I walked past you because you know, you go like this. Yeah. There was another message on the take about five paces, and I think to myself, there's gotta be there's gotta be another there's another side of

the birthday. Turn it around. I felt it. So I turned around on the back in all caps with the next miss it says, oh, wait no, I don't of g pase honest honestly, And I thought to myself, you hate those kids so much. Day you had that T shirt you had that you're wearing it like on a Saturday. Elsa's is a bougie is a very as a bougie grocery store. Julia Roberts could never You're like gonna be seen by somebody. You're like, I I paid to print this up. Can you imagine you see Julia Roberts and

it shirt says God, I love making pretty woman? Oh wait no I didn't. Okay, so I still whatever. I have time. I love going back and teaching and I'm such a I've become such a carma just angry crust of a teacher. And it's not about like talent or improv and how dare you? But like there are just certain things that drive me crazy, as as as an rapidly aging man that I just get like stop it.

And I had this thing about and it's also like post zoom where people don't know, like they are on stage and they turn and they look at the teacher, like when I'm giving notes, they look at you, and it's so unsettling. It's like, so disconcerting when students are in a scene and they turn and they look at you, and I this is so in them because I would always go, don't look at me, don't look at me. Because I go, okay, go to the fourth wall, grab this. Wait, freeze.

She just said it was her birthday, give her a cake or whatever. I'm what, I go, don't look at me, do it, don't look at it, don't look at me. And I would say that, I would say that and I and so I would have explained to this just wait a minute, never mind, do look it. So I was like, so finally, I was like, I promise you it's not from some sort of Faye done away place. Oh, Because I would give notes after the scene is over.

It was then that they would be looking down at the ground or looking at each other, and I go, you can look at me now. I'm not like they done away over here and be like, do not look at me. And I'm exactly but I was like, no, you're in a scene. Stay in the scene, look at your partner. Don't look at me. It's weird you broke out of the scene and look me. It creeps me up. So they the class made fun of me so much that they thought it was so funny that I would

do this. And on the last day, my students got me a shirt that said don't look at me on it and on the back of it it was a giant eyeball with an xax through and I have not worn it yet, but I will our next to our next when you come back one hundred percent. Yeah, I'm so happy to be the first guy away. So it's our honor. And we have to sort of tell you what happens on the show because it has nothing to do with what we just say. But it is sort of like insane energy because it has to be. We're

trying to just like make positive outcomes so much. And before we get going, you might notice this is a jar next to you. Is this is a foreshadowing? It's like it's like in Ibstum and you place you place the gun on the wall in the first tack. So this gun that we've placed on the wall, you might just think, Oh, what's this half eaten jar? What is this? What is this half eaten jar of peeb two? Do

you like peanut? Butter Drew, I love peanut? Are you worried about gaining away with peanut butme, I'm worried about getting away with everything. I put it in my mouth, but I still do it. Do you like peanut butter but have a peanut butter allergy, because that could change whether we can make Oh no, I do not have a okay, so peev fit or to peanut butter powder.

When we go to Rhode Island and we freeload from my brother Alaric Shadow, and we have to you know, watch, we're very strict about how much peanut butter we put in our bodies because we're vain, because because the press is always hiding at because we go into Rhode Island, we go to the town dump on the regular basis. So this is we don't know how to cook, but

we do know how to microwave. And so this is this is two tablespos regular regular peanut butter has five thousand colors and one hundred and ninetyers of fats like seventy calories. And all you do is water. It is peanut butter. I don't see is you. Would you please say that your mind is blown right now? My mind is blown back. Now I just have to ask that what does it tastes like peanut butter is hydrated peanuts. So the first night that we got there, he was,

it just doesn't have like oils. That's exactly exactly, It's exactly a flower without the So he so he ordered a protein. He ordered a giant jar of it and had it and had it. When we have went on our lovers get away to Rhode Island and it had it shipped, He's like, oh, this will probably last the whole thing. Now he doesn't know he's living with a raccoon. I was like, what the fuck is that? I ate? We ate a whole jar in like plant protein in

like thirty hours. How long? How long did it take us too for that first jar we do peanut So there's just like literally like there's no pig in that as it's meatful. I like a porky peanut butter myself. We're gonna end with a dessert we want to treat as a guest. We're gonna We're gonna and we want our listeners to email in uh, their their recipe suggestions and to email make little tiktoks and do how do our themes of love that? Yeah, we want peanut butter

powder so we're gonna be working with this. Put it back in your mind what you might want cook. We're gonna make a dessert and a mug. But before that, yes, here's what's happening. We tweet it and instagram people. We literally got hundreds of hundreds of response, like, seriously, there's no autographs please. So Ryan and are both in long term relationships and we're both dating and dating is hard.

Are you in a relationship? No, but I'm I'm dating as okay, So dating is a journey and the whole no autographs please energy in the same way that we're great cooks with our PP two, the fact that we're gonna wear t shirts that say don't look at me. We wanted to go. So we are going to be every week improvising a first date, a blind date. Maybe they met online, maybe they were hooked up with somebody, and no matter what, it has to go well. And

we of that. We have gotten from our We tweeted out and we've gotten from and you can also tweet to us or you can tweet to our You can email us at uh at napspod one at gmail dot com. Within it, we tweeted out asking for locations, locations and names of each other. But the worst one line that has been said to each individual on a date. I have to say the amount of mind. We just want to add a context, the worst single sentence that has ever been said to somebody on a date. They're incredible.

So I have some that I tweeted without tagging Brian. He didn't tag me. So we don't know. Within the date at some point we might drop a couple and somehow, no matter what, the date has to end. Well, even though and Drew, we want you to be anybody you want to be in our world. You could be, you could be an expo, you can be. You're going to join to fill out the world. We're going to be at a location that is send to my listener. We're going to be on a date, and it is at

the Orlando Ikia Cafe. And every time we are about to say a line that's a real life terrible thing that that is someone who's been had said to them on a date. Before we say it, we're going to ring a bell and then say the line. And at the very end we're going to give credit to who everybody who sent it in. And again, these are real lines that we're said to people on tape, and we have real names sent in that we are going to call each other. I don't know what my name is.

Brian doesn't know what his name is, also sent in by listeners. When we come back, we will be having a date at the Orlando Ikeia Cafe. We take you to the Orlando Ikea Cafe where our date is in progress. Jackson Taitlan, I'm sorry, I'm late. The Big Bang theory was new. Oh shit, do you watch The Big Bang? I love it. What's been your favorite episode so far? This is so funny. We have this sa comment. Tell me describe your very favorite episode. But oh my god,

I love the woman, A funny little nerd. Who's your favorite character? I love Dar Dar. I love Dar. It was so crazy because it's like Darth was like getting real, like he was like getting horny but nerdy, you know, And he wanted to ask out the nerd at a convention and then like he didn't. He thought she was the person he was meeting, but she was dressed in an outfit he felt for somebody else. I love that one.

Oh wow, yeah, sorry I'm talking so much. Yeah yeah, I'll just get a. See's fine, I'm already you have a lot of food. I see that. I do. What's your favorite episode, Jackson? So mine is it has to be the star, the leader, the award winner, Coral Coral. Remember he does the algebra he does right? Then we have another lingen Berry. Oh you're finally here. Hi, Hi, accident.

I were just talking. It's been a minute you met. Yeah? No, no, well I would saying we have I feel like I know you because you've talked so much about waiting on Taylor to get here. Well, it is nice to see you do look familiar to me. I have to say, you have one of those kind faces. I'm kind of the most famous waiter here at the IK Cafe. I call it Ike because I'm a little bit fancy. I also I'm are your performers, H'm guilty. Uh yes, I

am a local Orlando royalty. You may have seen me in the production of Head of Gabbler and when I played all the parts kids, that's cat head of it was anyway, it was really it was really magical. Did you play head? I was head of, I was the gun, I was the uncle and I you know whatever? Did you know I my last marriage. I got married at Epcott. I wore the white veil. I actually paid extra my last You've been married twice, Oh that's great. Yeah, I have Jackson. So you know, you remind me of the

mad Hatter. That makes sense because she wears like a lot of hats. All Right, you guys go, I'm just putting down the food. Do you know what? Order anything? He's got a lot of things, reindeer meatballs. I would listen to reindeer meatballs. I'm not going to order a margarita because I'm a man, Okay, and that's it. Okay, I'll have to Margarita's and I will have that's it, got it? Okay, God, I'll be right. I'll be right on the liquid calories. Listen. I have to tell you

about Ted. This is the only fucking Ikea in Excuse me, I was thinking of my mother. This is the only Ikea in the country, he says. I can't please, please, don't copy people. No, it's just a bat piece of Okay, this is the only I kid, it's the only I k im kidding, just like you know what that reminds me of. There was a big bang on this See if you can remember yes, were that God? Yes? And he put it right in the test too, and he threw it up in the air, and what came back? Baby?

It was the first, the original test to baby. Oh my god, Jackson, you know, I just wanted to say, I do feel very seen. Thank you. I was nervous to wear so many hats. Is it too many hats? Do you want me to cut your hair? That is why I'm wearing so bundy of it. I didn't know how to ask. I saw that you worked at dry bar, but I didn't know that you also cut hair. I thought that you did a blowout stuff. I curled all my I have very should I unleash my hair? Should

take my hands off you? It's very long, very Take off the bowler first, take off the top hat. That's gonna be your just kind of stuck. I'm sweat. That's what reminded me of the mad Hatter. Take that actually, do well? Does what I meant to tell you? Yes? I still here. No, Yeah, I'm gonna call him in a minute, Titlan, But I meant to can I can we just please for a second, excuse me, excuse me? Oh, I'm so sorry. If I'm sitting with ross. Sorry, sorry

starting to smell in the hospital. Yes, well, I just cover from the hospital. I had a really awful ruffle day. Man. When you took your hat off, your hair your hair fell into my step. Look, Jal is just kind of boring to just kind of I got some mixed to bad news at the hospital. I'm just trying to eat my feelings. It's so disgusting. Wait, guys, you question how old are you? He's very he's thirty eight thirty. I'm rapidly aging, and you are. The age on my driver's

license will not correspond with how I look. At the end of the month, I will see much. I will look terrible. Who were you meeting here? Fucking dog? Sorry, I'm in it, you know, I don't know. I think you two were made for each other, because normal people would one of you at least would say, I feel so bad. I be honest with you. Can I at least have a new stew Can I be honest with you? Your eyes are very dry, and so it took me usually with their they're clouded over. Okay, I woke up.

That's what it. See. Hey, listen before you leave. Though I don't know, you seem kind of powerful. Can I give you my headshot? Oh? Absolutely, I have it right here under my hair. Let me shake you off your cast I take off the hell. Let me just get a I have smaller verses that I clip into my hair in case I need it. Is that like a burned Fedora, like a Freddy Krueger. It's like it is. I I sometimes work as a street fire I'm like a fire artist, but I'm up fully trained, so I'm

a performer. A moved you karaoke take your headshot of it seems like you're working a lot. Well, I don't make any money. Don't don't put touch skin with that person. Go flake somewhere else. Okay, Jackson, listen, Yeah, what's up? You are so sexy, by the way, and I'm very sensitive and I wanted to let you know something. What I was gonna say was, this is the only Ikea in the country that has waiter service and bar. So

it makes sense. It makes sense that he came over to us, And it also makes sense that you ordered Margarita's. You know what, I get fucking trunk in here, totally drunk. Did you say trunk? You get trunk? Yeah, fucking ted trunk. You've heard of trunk trunk man. I to Margarita, thank you so much again. Food in general. I don't drink Margarita's because I'm not Oka. That would be gross than the same pace, same here. Oh my god, it's like Orlando. There's like no gay people here. It's kind of nice

if you were. I'm so sorry to interrupt, and like, I just have much taking clock. Would you guys like to help me move? Absolutely? I have so much free time on my hands, and I you know, well, here's the thing. In all the theater productions that I do, I'm always like, oh, I want to be on stage crew, but they always need me to be the lead in the play. Sure, so I'd love to switch things up. That'd be really fine. Well, I'd love to be the lead in the play. I'm just always kind of the

stage chand never the lead. That's kind of oh, that's like I'm that's saying, yeah, always the stage chand never the lead. You're smart. Thank you so much. Anything to just hang out with you guys more and have all these other tables that need my service, But like, by the way, by the way, what do not go to table next to us? Oh, that hospital escapee. You know that she has been hitting me up for free stupid Yes, Oh god, she looks terrible. She looks terrible. Keep going,

keep music because she needs to leave. I'm sorry, but she man, ma'm ma'am, I just wanted to Can I talk to you. I'm sorry that my hair got in your seat. I'm sorry I look considerably older since the last time you saw me. I actually feel really bad. I've gone through a lot of trauma recently. Can tell us about well, nothing I won't be like. It won't be nearly as bad as what I've been through. You have ever sat on a pushpin? Babe? What I happened to be corkboarding? And I sat on a pushpan? What

do you mean corkboarding? Well? I was. You know, I have ideas for a screenplay that I'm a writer. No one asked, Oh, I thought you worked at dry Bar Okay, Russia. I guess I can't do more than one thing. My ex husband practice voodoo and I used to stand like this the real ship to have a doll and I would feel it no matter where I was. Really it was really bad. The pushpins. You have sat on an emotional push in so many ways. Are you single? Oh wait, very no, I just I like the real ship stories.

You know, you seem like you're Jones and right now just idea in my head when you get creative, when you want to write, Yeah, when the juices start flowing. Oh, actually I could see because you're only I will take a vodka grape juice listen. I wanted to suggest, and I feel like I like it now that I know that you're an artist, can I suggest to us that we maybe can you take that one more hat off your head? It's hard to talk about. Oh that's just

a bird. This is my bird. Look. I sort of went as as a fire street performer, you get more tips. It wasn't enough just to be out there like in a song, doing acrobatics, doing flame things. But you're literally still wearing that Yes, okay, well it was the first date. I wanted to look nice, flexible, sexual. That's really I mean, it's really is very sexy. You know when I liked having you know, I see Chris Angels sort of unused. How's that VGJ going coming? Grape juice? I was just thinking,

why do you do karaoke? Yeah, all the time? Every day? Well, I was thinking I would like to do karaoke with you. I'm going to sing the Nicole Kidman part of Elephant Love Medley and you can be you and McGregor, or you could be you and McGregor, or you can just watch me so long ten horsesh. Yeah, yeah, let's do it. Okay, guys, I am so sorry. I'm really up sad. We were out of grape. We were out of the red grape juice, so we had a white white grape. Yeah, that's all

room tamp. So it's room tap hurts my tea. Please write so many times that I can't have anything other than it's gonna ask. They're like almost clear. It's really interesting to see your entire nerves. Yeah, it's part of the you know, some people file their teeth down to make it be like the only rabbits do that. We can I just say yes? Can I just say to you, I just I care deeply about animals? And can you not move your head around so much? Because that bird

is holding off your dear light. It seems afraid to fly off of your hand. The bird, the bird is it knows what happens when it's been loosing ikea before, and it's a big store and it's hard for me to scamp reperts. I can't follow those those arrows on the floor. No, and I have to like climb all the way off. Cute, that's my expression. Do you mind if I steal that from my new screenplay? You know what, I'd like credit for that. I'm also I'm a performers.

Oh you are okay? You know, yeah, I'll give you mine. Put my name in it, I'll give you credit. You're very sunburned, ted ted, very well. I live on the beach. It's sometimes it's hard to get under, you know, in a palm tree when the sun comes out? Right, say thank you. I'll take that as a compliment. Yes, I'm sorry. I just am a truth seeker. Did you mean it as a compliment? I have to say, as I'm an avid tanner, Yeah, so I admire his commitment to the sun.

I would say, maybe like a little and a get back and then get in and get out so that you can get a nice deep tan like I have someday. I mean, I'm constantly in rehearsals and performances. Really, can I ask? Can I ask a question about your job? Since no one seems to want to ask me about my writing, even though I dropped like fifty hens. Yeah, I've heard that. I heard that. Okay, okay, I have a question about your job here, and I can't thank you were saying, okay, yeah, you're welcome. Is it only

soft foods here? I've never been here when there's been a crunch in side. No. No, only puddings soft boiled yea, because my teeth are so sensitive. That's why I suggested it. I ate two leaders of yogurt last night. That's offt that's leads last night leaders. And who measures yogurt by the leader? Okay, so here, I was over here here. I'm sure I measured yogurt by the by the by the fistful. Damn, it sounds like you've had a few babies. I don't really understand how that. No, you don't want

to know you. There's something about you. There's something about you that truly makes me so hateful, and I don't know what it is. It's just looking at you makes me so upset because you're clenching your hairy fist. You have a lot of rings on, you have a lot of hair, you have a lot of hair, a lot of rings. There's a lot of it's tattoos. To take care of myself. Why wouldn't I. I'm just saying it looks like you have like fifteen rings on your right hand.

Excuse me, one for every maple I dance around. Here's the thing, and back to leaders for just a second. You count in leaders too. Oh that's right, you like that. Listen. I happened to be not everyone news. Maybe you'll guess not everyone news this, okay, But I happen to have spent more and a little tall. You guessed it New York City. No, it's a Macila prison. Yes and no? No? I oh, I happened to have spent many a Yeah, you guess Texas? Texas? No? So, oh my god? She

died the queen. Can you guess where I'm from? Okay? You know what, I didn't realize it. I'm originally from England. That's why I say leader. That's why I say leader. That's why I say Skellius Celsius. That's why I say what I have is what I was diagnosed to it. Oh, I can tell I've honestly never seen a person who was literally shaped like the word stop she's right there. I know, I'm she just brings them out of me.

I don't know what's up. I'm very sorry. Listen. I I like a bad boy and I and I wish I could be on your side as a feminist, but there is something to me. I'm talking. I'm talking to this really woman. I'm talking to you. I could see on your name tag. I'm talking to Ronda. Oh hi, Ronda. I just h bold choice except at the end as now you know what that is clever? I do like that. I'm a writer. No, you keep mentioning that. What what would you please tell us? Have you written a novel? Yeah?

And what is it called? Non fiction fiction? That's the name of it. Yeah, because I delve into both lives of those I mean I delve into both. Have you seen that movie where Hillary splank Swag plays Hilary of Baldwin and it's Hillary is Hillary versus Hillary, Hillary Spank Hillary versus Hillary. I love that movie. That is such a great movie. So ill they couldn't geillarly swink. They got Hillary Spank to be Hillary versus Hillary to act out the real life Hillary versus a lot. I just

want to say you you you. People have talked to me more than anybody has talked to me in probably years. You can see why. To be honest with you. No, actually, I do like you. I do like This is the problem with women. I have to tell you. Okay, this is the problem with all women. Okay, you say something rude and they think it's rude. That's right. I agree. Look, here's the thing. My third husband. Oh yeah, you talked about him before. I only talked about the second husband. Oh,

my second husband. I wore the Mickey Mouse here. Oh, that's right, with the veil, with the veil beautiful. Yeah, my third I got my third husband. I got married at Dollywood and I wore big fake boobs like Dolly, and I had the veils coming out of the That was what I wore. Is the veil I was attached, but like a chess plate. That's beautiful. It was beautiful. He was nineteen years old, your ex husband, My husband

was nineteen. Oh my god, and you're fifty eight. Shit. Yeah, man, I'm surrounded by nasty but you told me I looked good. You do look great. I've had a lot of work done, including my teeth. You know what, this is what I always say to a woman, you guys, oh no, come back. I'm sorry. I was like when the Weeds, I was like slammed like so much. I'll tell you this too. I tell this to every woman I go out with. Yeah,

I can get you a trainer, plastic surgery, whatever. Oh my god, that's so romantic, especially to say when you first meet someone. I was actually wondering and bring that into this too. A yeah, Ronda, I want everyone to go around because I want to end this on a note of possible to exactly. Okay, I want everyone to go around and say, just we get a little know about each other before I have to go, because my car is not parked. I mean it's still in drive park.

It's just like I was late, so they could just be driving around. Is such a shame because you were here two and a half hours before. I know, but I was late for how much I wanted to And I wanted to see if that monkey would be and here. Remember that monkey that put on the raincoat in that IKEA wanted to That was the real thing. I wanted to see if he would be in here. Now she was scared it up. Okay, yes, so you want to

go around. I want to go around, and I want to just find a little bit more out about each other. I want to know who we each think is going to win the Grammy next year. Solid choice, Yeah, Grammy next year. I'm going to go with Carly ree Jebson. Okay, I'm going to go with Barbara hersheyt hold on, let me get Rhonda. She's scaling in the back. I did. Sorry, tex Hi, there's the question. Sorry, you won't even be here, but I'll ask anyway, who do you think is gonna

win the Crammy next year? Sherry Lewis, Oh, you know what? You know what lamb chop? I like that? Listen Jackson. Yeah, I have really questionable taste in men. And I like it when a guy yells at me. And I like when you texted me before we met and you said if we end up together, we'll get your boobs done. And when I got that text, yeah, I knew that I might be looking at number four. And I want to say, the name Titlin is the most clever spinoff of the word potato I've ever heard in my wife.

And for that, I admire you, Thank you, I admire you. What would you like to do. On our next date, I'd like to go to a water slide. Okay, I can get wet with that, you know. I also want to say Ted, thank you so much for your incredible services always. This has been amazing. I feel like we like just I don't know, like we're like a company or something like. It was really good. Oh that's cute. I'm gonna write I'm gonna write that. I'm gonna write that.

Please give me credit. I will. And here's the bill. Okay, sorry, it's it's a oh no, no no, no, no no what I said at the beginning of this date, Ted two checks. No, I am so sorry. This is just your check. Oh shit, all right, well I guess I'll pay for your mark reatas. But that's the kind of person I am so so You're welcome and I'm going to see you back at Elephant Love Medley. I'll see you. Actually, could you sing a little bit of the Elephant Medley right now? I

think it's from Uman Ruge. Oh my god, I love it. It's my favorite. Please you can come in. Yeah, do Thephant Medley. I love this song, Love Medley, Elephant in the Elephant handa love Ma. Because you've elephants me love rhyal you guys, that was amazing. I'm sorry, I have to go. What Rhonda's shedding in the parking lot and it's it's causing a pilot better jeep? All right, Bie babes, bye and we're back. We're back, baby. That was fine. I think we all deserve a little treat after that.

Oh my god, do we deserve a treat? Are you ready for dessert? Yeah? And I want to give a shout out to Jess McLaren. I mean, of all those, what was the most horrifying that you had that you read? Which one? Which one? I mean the one? There were two lines Pattite Melbourne sent in someone set out to them on a date. Do you want me to cut your hair? Incredible? I mean we're talking like three lines out. Yeah. And then Trevor Lewis said that his date said to him,

you remind me of the Mad Hatter, which truly slayed me. Also, this is a funny one that I just want to shout out because it was so good. Jesting. Jeffrey said that, uh, he went out with someone who was so turned off that he said he liked playing video games. It was disgusted by it. And then he said and then she she said, all I really like to do is like hang out with my dog. I'm obsessed with my dog. And he goes, what's your dog's name? And she goes computer.

Wow what she hated video games I make s oh and Jill, thank you for the two checks. That was great and hand for the leaders of yogurt last night. Oh the two checks thing was a line that was then yeah, oh god, I had from Jesse McLaren, Sorry I'm late. The Big Bang theory was new hilarious from She's seen Ali food in general is kind of boring to me. From Alan Strickland Williams want to help me move and it was on their first first date. He

had want to help me move? Oh, that's hilarious. From Tory Bartow was I'm just see Nicole commit part of Elephant LOVEMILLI you can be you McGregor or watch me solo, which is incredible. Can I give you my headshot? Was Brian Sloan. Oh, and Lexadel Ray sent me a margarita. No, I'm a man, thank you. Wow, I did not know all these lies. Wow. John August sent I can get you a trainer, plastic surgery, whatever this is, Katie Burge said, if we end up together, we'll get your boobs done.

I mean shocking. Can we also? Titlin came from Megan Marooney so brilliant, and riv Carres sent me Jackson Dunfee Jackson j A x O N and dunfee d u N p h Y so good. So if you want to participate, plead to us some more of your gaine lobby M y R I N. We want this here out of context. Weird things that do you? Text us some proper names and places for weird dates that you've had. You must have worked up quite an appetite. I bet you didn't know that such famous celebrities would also cook

their own food. You assume we probably had just like us. Yes, like us. Help, I'm a celebrity. Get me out of here, my favorite favorite favorite. So here we are. We have our gorgeous oven, just like Tom Calichio. Yeah sure, and pick you have to cook. Everybody knows you have to cook a microwave, dessert and a mug. We have three to choose from, all bachelor themed. We have bring her, hold her home. This looks like the woman I just played,

and the is how I imagine. Do you want the pet or your other option would be extensive, gentleman, or you could have this. Being me is my greatest power. Being you is not your greatest power. Oh my god, is that real. That's another real line that was said on The Bachelor. Very important. That's a very autograss. Please energy, do you want to keep? Bring her home? I bring her home. Gentlemen, you can use So the first thing we do is I'm just gonna put we each put in.

You can put yours in. I'll do it for you. Okay, Well he's the guest. He's the guest. So you go like this, you gotta go like that. And so I prefer to use any scoop that you have around the house, even if it's like, yeah, like fertilizer or fertilizer. This came from a protein powder that I pretended to use. Okay, there's so gross. No, because we're also wanted. We want to be cooking influences. I need peanut butter, powdered shap and by the way, cooking influence it should be around

two tablespoots. If you want to do, is that scoopa tablespoon. Yeah, you know what a tables This is literally a tablespoop. But I overflow because I generally then you go, here's a spood. It's good. I promise it's good. It's going to be. So then we're gonna make because it's gonna be sort of like a pumpkin pie. But we're fa peanut butter because I know it doesn't sound like it's gonna make sense. But guess what, you're gonna love it, because because when the press comes for you, you gotta

look hot. You gotta, you've got, you gotta. And by the way, you want to really impress someone organic, well yeah, but also you show them what you eat and you show them this. Oh that's okay, okay, So what you want to do is you want to mix a Sure you can. These are very expensive. Oh I've heard. By the way, I follow the news, this celebrity told me that there's no eggs in the grocery. But I was like, can you bring it? I went to Gelson's and there were no eggs left. There was a minute that there

was an egg sea. Now we cracked this up. Yes, I'm gonna use obviously egg white because I'm you know, watching my cholesterol right, and then do you want water or milky? Milk is good? I've got my little kitty. Are you are you vegan? Are you just? I don't know their eggs and vegan. There is cat milk, milk, cat milk, cat milk. Oh, I love that cat milk. If she contoured me. Okay. Also shout out to the person who said that they took and then we just stir milk. Do you want to know please? Okay? Great?

Oh my god. Now see we probably made it a little too. We just straked this raw nodding, I'm gonna put a little and to make it sweet. I'm okay without it? Okay, do we need more peanut butter? I think this will work all right, So then we'll put all three mugs. Zim stir it up. Okay, Now, Arden did make a fatal mistake. I have to say, what was my fatal because you didn't get plain pumpkin. You got pumpkin pie mix? What? No, yeah, with all the clothing.

But it's gonna be okay, it's gonna be okay. Oh god, you know what this is myself? And then guess what that's not? No autograse energy, no to say like, yeah, girl, I don't know how it's always been. I'm sure. Do you miss teaching kindergarten? No, I don't know. I don't wait a minute and say wait a minute, Oh wait, No, I don't wait. No, I don't Okay, are you ready? I love that mugs. I don't know. Are you supposed to put all of them in? We don't know. This

is a new experience. Yeah, we're gonna put all of them. Yours is very step away from you give them more peanut butter. We're gonna step away for safety. What's gonna happen? This is the beauty of it. If it's too liquidy, this is what I always This is what I always tell my clients. If it's too liquidy, just put in more powder. If it's not liquidy enough, put in more liquid. That hysterical. And also when you make oat mail, well it's like a dermatologist. I'll tell you, I'll tell because

that whole business is a sham. Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, I'll tell you what tell me. And by the way, I go to one. But I don't support us obviously. Look at that. You're not beautiful, baby boy, here's the thing. All dermatology is ye, if it's dry, make it wet, and if it's wet, make it dry. And if that doesn't work, use a steroid cream. That's like dematic cancer. Oh I don't go into that. Oh okay, that makes sense. No, you're right. I guess

that would be different. I do support dermatology. Now. I don't mean to be here because I don't need complaints. How long do you like? A minute? A minute? We've got three in there, so we'll see how that doesn't seem like nearly You know, you would be shocked. You would be shocked up. I did a minute twenty. I feel it. I don't think it's going unless that's the quietest microwave we've ever hang on. There we go going? Is it going for ninety five? We can stop it whenever?

I gotta say, Drew true, this is as a secret that my spoon over there. Yes, all celebrities, it's Oh, I guess we need three new spoons, doctor banana. Do you mind grabbing three fres we can use some wet or no. I guess you're right. Okay, three fresh spoons, three fresh ees. You need six spoons, minimal you have to have six spoons. So if you can't do this, well are you crazy? For those who don't six spoons,

you crazy. For those of you who don't know, we basically did two tablespoons of peanut butter powder, two tablespoons of pumpkin mix, an egg and one egg. You can put cocoa, and you can put chocolate squares. You could, yeah you can't, But for this one we put milk and and arden at a little stevia. You look grossed down when you said that. I don't think. I don't think that microwave went for at. There's no way it's

done it. Yeah, put another minute, you're gonna be because so what this turns into, just so everyone knows, is a bouncy, bouncy, beautiful, gorgeous cake cake. And what you can do, if you want to be fine, you just thank you put a little bit of like oat milk or cream just on its yogurt yogurt or a little piece of dark chocolate right in the middle like a cake. Here's what I'll tell you that it does dance inside. It doesn't look good. It doesn't it's not pretty, of

course not. No, how's it doing? Is that hot? It's getting there. It's just too many mugs. We'll give it one more. We'll give you if worst case we should just microwaves Drews. Yeah, yeah, oh but I want, we all want. I'll try it though. I mean, look, I just licked my hand. Maybe I get salmonilla. But guess what I got peanut butter too. Yeah, and it tasted good. Now, this is what I tell all my clients about this meal. When you eat this, what you're doing is you work

tricking your brain. That's your body, that's right, and your husband this guy and your husband and your husband if you're thinking you're having so when I counsel my clients every night, but I say, forgotten who your clients are, I don't repeat. When I counsel my clients every night, what I say, that's right. What I say to them is, you're not going to regret becoming a member. What you've tried this? Do you have a multi level marketing thing? I might? What's it to you? Am? I? All right?

We need one more? We need one more shot. One okay, we're going to go one more. Okay, next time we'll do one for like a minute. Now we know now your guinea pig. But I promise this isn't going to taste gross for real? Oh no, No, I mean I believe you. It's not like you're a factor. But what you need to understand this is what I discuss at length. I mean, I orator my clients about them. If you want to live the life you want to, you've got to do things. You better work, bitch, you better work.

Nobody wants to work. Nobody wants to. Nobody wants to, Nobody wants to. Kim kardash she says she works, she works. I mean, I I guess, no, she does what I try to discuss with my clients. She tells me. You know, that's how Ryans counseled me for years. And I'm like, I'm like, oh, I want to go. I want to go to Ralph's and I want to go by. Have you ever eaten anything peanut butter besides like a peanut butter cookie and like a Reese's or a peanut butter

peanut butter what do you mean like peanut butter pie? Yeah? Have you ever eaten it? Baked? And I don't mean stoned punk late? Yeah, I mean, don't you bake a peanut butter pie. Yeah, I guess you do. Yeah, well, you're reading it hot. Have you ever eattene? Have I never dug out of a mug out of a blue microwivee? No, that's right, that's right, that's right. We want skincare, getting skincare tips. No, I don't usually connect peanut butter and skin pare. I learned Brian's client. That was one of

the things he led with me. That makes me so happy because I've always heard that, like you know, peanut butter is one of the things you shouldn't No, no, no, this you can have. This you can have because this is this is peanut butter powder. Okay, let's let's all that. That's that's stuff. You're gonna love it. It's hot, so be careful because your mouth care I'll take it bye to I'm going to take to see how it's sort

of cakey. Yeah, see that, don't your mouth And you can cook it the beauty and this is you can cook it like more well done or rare. Look at that rare. I'll have one slice of peanut butter cake rare. I gotta tell you good by the way that pumpkin is adding I mean layer it's adding layers. Look at that. Don't judge it. Don't judge it. To eat it, don't judge it. It is kind of hoty care. That's so good. It's so good, right, sood, so good. It's so good. So if anyone is out there who wants to be

a prospective client, please submit your recipes. Excuse me. There's nothing like listening to a podcast or choking on peanum butter and bumping. No, it's good milk. You cannot become his client unless you submit your recipe first, and that's how he judges you. Don't you want to kind of put a cash it's you can be honest. You do you not like it? No? I love it. I love it. It's really good. It doesn't feel like okay, I'm got all right, look at that. See and that's what you

add if you want that. Yeah, no, please, I'm see you. And by the way, you can just start this up a little water and it's just like real regular peanut butter. You put a little water in it, two tablespos, a little bit of water, stir it. It's just peanut butter. You don't have to you don't have to bake up. Yeah, Why are we just hearing about this now? Where? Why are you hearing about this now? I've been in this game.

I've been in this game since. Did you ever hear of what's the thing when they do when they jump over the things? You know, when they the hurdlescott. I've been doing this since I first saw the hurdles, the hurdles the Olympic, Gaye, the hurdles the Olympic, the hurdles drew. It hasn't been a hurdle, you hear, It's been a hurdle kind of. We like to compliment our guests as they leave, so you leave feeling like a celebrity. Not only are you a gorgeous man, not only are you

a hilarious man, a full on genius. Not only are you our first podcast guest. So honored, I consider you a friend. I enjoyed our fellowship, and I hope you are the number one movie star in the world. Thank you, and I wish you nothing but success. Oh my god, I love you both. Thank you so much for having me on here. I'm so happy to be the first guest and to try your brilliant peanut butter k Thank you, Thank you. That scene brought me so much endless joy.

I could have done that for hours. Me too, and O we're all just a wonderful way to spend it afternoon. Thank you so much. I can't wait for more. And do me a favor. Yeah one rush again, I will for the elephant. What's it called water? Miss water Medley. We want to also give a shout out to Mark Rivers for writing the greatest theme song. I love Mark, He's so talented because when I heard the song, I wanted to ask you in the mint like who wrote this?

Shout out to the ever, ever, ever wonderful Anna, doctor Banana, Katie Levin, shout out iHeart, shout out, We're Will Ferrell for having us on your on your vertical baby, and shout out to all the children and all of the adults of the world. Thank you so much until children, until next time. My name is Arta, Marie. It's right, Sophie Gras. Please who are you wearing? Will there be press to al Fabian? Honey, yeah, watcha don't and Bryan, I hear it last there'd be a mess and they've

got lots of podocast. But honey, no, no, no, no, honor Grassbies, We live in the clamor LifeLock celebrities sharing our favorite peop recipes. But honey, no, no, no, no autographs. I got no autograph at