"MY FAVORITE RACIST!" With Kyle Dunnigan and Michael Longfellow

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Last month, I think we put up five extra podcasts. Um, we just put one up on Monday. So if you're not a member on Patron Patreon, it's www dot patreona dot com. Back slash w y a t R. Also, don't forget of our our live show in Nashville Sunday, August fifth, a Zany's Nashville is at two pm, so you can still fly out that night and go to work on Monday. It's gonna be me Rob Benedict Anna and we're hoping to We really want to get Jordan. I emailed him on Instagram. But he doesn't emailed me back.

So there you have it. Hey, Molly, thanks for men as sponsor. Your greeting cards are awesome. I'm gonna buy a batch. Okay, bye, I like that. Guys. This is the get ready to get ready to hear my voice at all the worst now at your blood. Wait, I can hear. No, this is better. I turned it up. It doesn't I could hear. So it doesn't matter, it doesn't wear. You can't hear it. Beautiful thing, thank you? I am not Yeah, you just have this voice about training.

Rob my god, America, here's a birthday present for you. Wow. What a week and Bachelor Nation. This is art and marine me to you. High in Hollywood. High in Hollywood. There's cops everywhere. There was a creeper in the elevator with me. I am so excited to have two gentlemen. It's a sausage festival today. Um, we have a newbie today, we have a newbie. I'm gonna start with I'm going to start with our our what is it, old timer?

How do you phrase it? Veteran? Veteran veteran you know, Um, he's also my partner in crime and dolling out life advice. We got some feedback. People liked our life advice. Really, I felt we not that well. Just it was a tough situation. Thought. This is a man who's won an Emmy for Inside Amy Schumer. This is a man who makes amazing Instagram video. Thank you. This is a man who loves trashy reality television who's a favorite of mine. Mr Kyle Don Again, thank you you Kyle. We missed

you this time. I'm doing much better. Last week. I was in a bad space. Well you can't let your blood sugar get low, no, And I was also I was peak stress when we recorded. But now I'm fine. Well you're Matt, you were, you're feeling for her. I was mad at everything. I was my car, everything we have in your car, you know it. Just I couldn't get a space. It's a whole boring story, but now the the overall takeaway is a much better back to Kyle. Yeah,

like myself, we want to welcome to the podcast. Now. This is no exaggeration. I consider this person. I feel, um, I feel protective of this person. I actually captured this young man from the desert. This is I did stand up about two years ago in Scott's Dale and this gentleman opened for me and he had just, I believe, just turned twenty one at the time. He was he was finally old enough to do stand up and in

the bars. And you've been doing it at the improv and they made you stand outside before your sets and then go in and do him because you weren't legal outside. So he's doing this. It felt cool. Honestly, I'm really out here. This kid was so funny who opened for me?

He was so fucking good, and he was like and I was like, this twenty one year old and he looks like fourteen, Like he looks like extra no, but he's very handsome, dreaming like movies, like movie star dreaming for but like you look, so here's this kid opening for me. And he was so good and and normally I wouldn't disrupt somebody's life because look, it's a tough town. Most people don't make it. But I was like, this kid's got it and he shouldn't wait ten years to

then come try. And I so basically I stole him and brought him to l A and he just did Conan. He's killing it. He's gonna be a huge superstar. Mike alon Fellow that is now. No, he did go on and I went to the taping and he he made Conan laugh, he made Martin short laugh, short laugh. Ignored Sean penn on actual it in, but I definitely ignored him. I saw him come up in compliment. Yeah, he was like, hey, good set. I didn't hear it. It was after the set.

I was like talking to other people, how many times have you gone over in your head? Like thanks Sean penn Like, have you beat yourself up about that? No? Great? He had a very unapproachable demeanor from because the green room. Yeah, so I wasn't too bummed. It would have been nice to at least I feel rude definitely. Now, Michael, do you still live with You've been living with it eighty what year old woman? I live with Carol, she's eighty three. I used to I just moved out a week ago.

I would like to buy this sitcom? What it is is? Young kid comes to town? Yeah, old lady? What's her name? Carol? Watched Judge Judy together every day and Eagle Rock Glendale. Why did you move out? You loved living with Carol? I did, but you know you have to live a real life eventually, and I think you're getting laid. I have a girlfriend. Here we go. That's what happened the opening theme song, Yeah I came to HOLLYO my dream,

but all they named Carol Cool. We watch the yeah um we also have with us of course our favorite ladies Katie Living and Anna hasne Um. How are you guys doing this week? Okay, I'm really good. I have a foster dog, oh my god, named Bunny. She's from the North Central l a shelter. She's very shy and did bring her today because I didn't want to overwhelm her. We went to a park earlier where she just stood in the grass the whole time. When it' sit down

with and how does she get along with Scout? She loves Scout, But she's just like this dog saw some ship. She's got like PTSD, like she's the best. It's gonna be hard to get rid of her. Well, I'm gonna hopefully adopt her out to like I want someone like really good to adopt her. She's still coming out of her shell. Okay, I will find this. Oh she's a thirty five pound Jindo mix, so she's like a pretty little dog, and she's really cute. If you follow me

on Instagram, Katie underscore money. I've been posting photos of her. We'll put it on our website where she's great. These shelters are over crowded because animals get frightened of the fireworks. Is breeding season, they run away, and the shelters are and so healthy. Dogs and cats are getting put right now. All adoptions are free, and you can also foster if you want. All of the l A City shelters are anywhere where you are. Pretty much all right. I think

I got the theme song for them. I don't think someone Katie and Anna, they're new in town, yes, and Anna not so much. I met a really cute dog, Admiral Biscuit. He's one and a half years old. He's a cattle dog mix. He's forty five pounds. He's great trained, he's he's smart. He's a C A, k C and c g C certified Therapy Dog ready. He's a rescue that this lady found. He lived outside in a dog run since she was eight weeks old. He's so sweet.

We're gonna put it, but he's looking for a permanent We'll put him on our Facebook page if you guys are interested in adopting with funny to Admiral Biscuit and Admiral Biscuit. He's KGB ready, he's ready for the k g B. Also, before we get going Nashville, we're doing our live show me Rob Benedict and uh and I just I just emailed Jordan's I'm trying to get Jordan to come the Villain model. Um, so that would be a zenies Nashville, Sunday, August five, two pm. Tickets or

twenty bucks. Come and here we go. Now, Michael, this is your first season watching The Bachelor? Yeah, it's my No, last season was my first season watching The Bachelor. Specifically, come on this podcast. Did you watch for this podcast? I know, um, half and half I watched with my girlfriend, got really into it and it's a great Monday night things. Come over and watch it. Take the stress off of

the rest of the week. And then also, yeah, I want to do this podcast and just you wait, I think Kyle and I can be very honest and like you know that the best is yet to come because you're getting to know all these people just so you can get to paradise, which is the greatest show on Teller is the best. The Winter Games. Paradise is the dessert Paradise is the best one. It's so fine. A from the last season went to my high school. He did, what do you know about I don't know anything, douche.

He fits the bill pretty well for Scottsdale. He is like, he's got to be fifteen years older than he's like thirty five, right, he's at least thirty five. Well that's only ten years older, but he's older. I didn't know him, yea brother, that's if he was still hanging out when you were there, that would have an extra creeper that would have been a years old. But he's still in high school. Sorry forget you. I'm a piece of ship

and everybody knows it. All right, Here we go, Have you, guys, if I hear this phrase one more time, Virginia is for lovers? I mean that even come from I mean, why is Virginia for love? Why is Virginia from anybody? I didn't know either, And I'm doing an intervention. Put down your phone, pick up the mic and join us. Get your smile back. Looking at Katie's puppy. Have you guys been to Virginia Is it for lovers? Have you

been to Virginia? Sana? Is it for lovers? The trees change in such a way I thought I needed some rebranding. I feel like Hawaii's for lover the coast with the trees. It's so close to DC Virginia. I don't know anybody that would go on a honeymoon and be like, we're going great to Virginia. Who had, Like some comic doesn't something like classic comic have a bit about the states and how they don't make sense because like New Hampshire is like live, free or die, and then the other

one it's just like cheese state. Yeah, and you know where they come up with the ship. I have to say growing up in New England when you actually get to New Hampshire, because it looks a lot like Vermont, but the second you cross over, you're like, oh, they are the live for your diet, like they got nothing to lose or off their grid. There's gun racks and they'll key your car. Like you don't funk with New Hampshire. Would you agree with that? Absolutely a little, although I

do like Hampton Beach was Hampton Beach. It's a beach on the coast of Hampshire. There every summer when I was a kid. Is it near lake when hockey? All right? All right, so then we've got Virginia's couldn't be farther from like like Washington, Washington State. No, No, there's a lake, there's a like a speed, there's like I will bet my life I want that. I have no idea where it is. Sorry, okay, that's like New England fights. You guys have problem with me? You think a better than me.

I met you at my squamer cant We'll fight out of the beach. I'll meet you at a rocky point, sticky point. It's so exciting, rocky point where we can call im a live rocky point. You're all a bit Did you share us some rocky boy? Do you remember that? How about this? We had the biggest little state in the Union, Rhode Island, Rhode Island, we had the biggest

little state in the Union. Come in see. I had a shirt with a seagull on it that said that you have like that, Michael, No, we're state songs a thing. I think when Rhode Island was desperate and nobody wanted to go to Rhode Island, Connecticut. You con husky, I find I have a Connecticut victory. Let's go. Yeah, not Ragon? Would you study? I studied acting waste of time? Who was your nemesis? Who was your nemesis? Guys? I think I saw a homeless person mctagger, and then spend was

I got to stab me with the mcagger? What is it? Mctag? What was it? Fletcher? Mctagger? Okay, So then she's like Virginia is for lovers. It's fresh clean, here is the opposite of Las Vegas, the old and the new. And she stays at the Quirk Hotel, which the name of the Quirk Hotel made me mad? Why to make you mad? It just like they're like, Okay, we're branding. We're trying to make it's a boutique hotel. We're quirky, but we're cool where modern is doing. Like, okay, how about this quirk?

I just pictures. I'm coming up with it. But work. It means you have to walk down a flight of stairs to your room. It's basically like a Marriott with like a pink throw pillot. It's always like we have very small rooms. We've got to go with quirk. We've got to go with new age modern hip? How close your bed is the toilet? Who are you rooting for? Michael? Who's your Who's your? Who do you want to win? Um? I was a big I was a big Chris fan are.

I thought he was really real, you know? And I thought he got ganged up on and Lincoln is the worst and he's picking on Chris. So sad to see Chris go, honestly, because I think all the other guys are pretty normal and cool. Yeah right now. And they were the US too. They have the last two stars. Jordan left and he was the big star. He was the best one ever. Do you know the best? My favorite thing to tell people on Earth? Do you know the secret about Lincoln? Don't? Oh? Wait? Well, I mean

I know he's the worst? Had this? Okay wait, wait here we go? We have not had We have not a single podcast this year where I haven't anna. Are you numb to me? Telling the gift of me? Telling people? The last detail that we learned recently has put me over there. I'm gonna read it. Okay, Gardy ready, Gary, don't don't wait, Chris, Chris wait, wait, okay wait. I

don't know why I'm calling you Christ. Okay, we got ready very ready, ready ready, ready, ready, here we go Lincoln apparently, so he was on as you know, the Live like are you ready to meet some of your bachelor's like the live finale for her, which he was announced. So then he came out. So then because of that, people can be like, say you were one of them. They could be like, oh, I know Michael Longfellow, like and they can like tweet their friends like here's the

fact of I know that guy. So apparently when he was one of the first guys that came out, the word got out that was like I know that guy. I worked with him at Oracle, which is sort of like a Microsoft type thing, like it's like it's a it's a database thing they store information. And he's the guy that in the public restrooms would not use the toilet but would make a nest of toilet paper shot on the nest and then take your nest shitter and then he would put it and then he would flush it.

He would just flush it. He wouldn't sit on those toilets, put the nest. So he put the ship, he did the little Yeah, he made a nest on the ground. Yeah, and then he toilet up and he flushed it. Yeah, I've never liked him more. Okay yet ready, okay, Well you know he's also a registered sex offender. Right, Oh well that's yeah. But the shifting things, no, no, no, mean I have to find this. Wait, we even I have to find this. So then there's another thing that happened,

which was an email got sent to us. Why can't I find it? Shoot? I forwarded it. Hold on, Anna, you guys talked amongst your will you send it? We texted to me. Oh my god. That lady Katie McDonald who came to our live show in Austin is her divorces final lines and she's submitting an application to the Bachelor. I hope she gets long. Congratulations. I even sign you up if you were single, just to get I definitely do it. Would your girlfriend let you do it? Probably?

Can we sign you up? Um? You think it's stable? Yes, I think I'm too much of a public figure. No, I think you're doing the eye. All right, Yeah, let's do it. We do it. Send a tape. How do we get to start it? Um? You know what, I have to wait till the next round, So you have to make it through because it wouldn't be till next fall, so we'll do it during paradise. We're I shouldn't do some stuff for like when I get on it comes out that I like Bill the nest, and then you

should start shooting in a nest. You should start shooting in a nest. All right, get ready? This is a present for Katie Nest Shitter. Hi, y'all love the podcast I listened to every week and quote it to my non bachelor friends and boyfriend who think I'm certifiably insane

for my love with the franchise. Recently, I was chattling. Recently, I was chatting with said non Bachelor watching friends, and one of them told me that his sister's friend worked in d C with Lincoln Hold please okay um um, and that he didn't just fashion nests in the public restrooms to ship. He shipped in his cubicle. Yes, his cube. He has a cube shitter allegedly. How exciting is that? That's not real? There's no way that's that happens once

and then you're out of its. Cubicle means there's someone next to you. That's what a cubicle is, someone's And if someone saw that means someone saw you. Oh my god, poop with out water whole another thing, it's ten times work that didn't happen, locked out of the house or something. Oh my god, that's a really good idea. Can you guys email us your phone number and we can call you next week because we're not believing. We need we need. I believe you, but I'm the only one I need

to know you think, and I believe. I believe that he is. That someone shifts in the office and the open air. They no longer get arrested. You no longer work there. You're absolutely right. You're like the new guy. You're like, what is he? And it's like it's just Lincoln. If I wrote us that email, please send us more details if you can figure them out, names, numbers, content. We want to talk to your friend that worked there. We want to We would like to phone them. I

want evidence about the story. It was like after hours, the bathrooms are locked. He likes ship in his cubicle once. Where were his place? Have you ever have you ever gone number two anywhere? Odd? Accidentally? Not that I can think of, No, the backyard. Yeah, I just hosted it myself a minute ago. You shut in the backyard. I us. You get locked out a lot. My mom would forget to keep the door lock and walk home from school and I'd be out there for hours and more than

a few times. But while she was married, the Big John era this that's probably seven years old school across the street. I went to play with her one day and she had those like kid pants that like stretch, and she goes, oh no, no, she stands up, she starts to walk her house. Then she comes back and I'm like, what's going on? And she's like, oh no, no, it goes back house. I suddenly see like pushing out from her rear, this solid straight out like a poop coming straight out. I was a kid, but in my

memory like a pipe. It came out like six inches solid right out. Were pushed her pants out, so they made this huge like ten The mom came running out, and the mom like chopped it down and then said that I should yeah, and then said that I should go home. And I was in a sandbox. I got up and I wasn't across the street by myself, but I did because I called pooped her pants. She had like a rock solid pipe. Yeah, you would think the pants would have pushed the ship into like a mush.

But she must had a lot of five or something because that poop against then the pants had to relinquish and they went straight out six inches just because she was horrified if your kid had karate chopped it. So you've seen a karate chap of poop and kate. Yeah, it was a leg kick. It was a sweet kick. The penis. Somebody at Kyle's high school made a giant ice. We made a peniscle, like a six foot penis out of that. We poured water on it, so overnight it

became a peniscle. And then his vice principle, she was like a brown belt in karate and she was trying to like cut it down like she like leg sweep it. She was like trying to like sweep it. Did you have any pranks at your high school. That's a good one. That's a great one. She could actually like like shadow her shadow her shitt and bone like like no, I just explained to the doctor. And their building was shaped around.

It was like a courtyard, so it's like the high school was built around the windows all around watching watching her like karate kick like sweep the ice. Dick and the courtyard best effort, and she got a bat when she couldn't not get down. She got a bat that took it down. She couldn't kick it down, like she was like slipping all over the place, and we were just like, I can't breathe. And then she goes like

running inside. She was very madny to hurt all. And then like a couple of minutes go by and then she comes storming out with a bat and then she aluminum bat and she just took it down. God, that's crazy. Wow. Um. I also this is I'm just gonna bring I'm gonna bring my therapy thing here. So we had this weird guy in the lobby just now and the guy I just killed time till he went into the elevator without me, and then the security guard yelled at me. It's like,

did he really think in front of that guy? I was like, um, sir, I don't know. I was already scared of him. I don't know him. He's not with me. Scur guard's job be like are you guys together? If he's suspicious, Yeah, he's really thinking in front of that That is my I'm just trying to nervously kill times so I don't have to get an the elevator with him. Does he really think it's my like in front of this gigantic dude that I'm gonna be like, Um, he

didn't come in with me. You're not wrong, he's wrong. He's wrong. That's weird because we've been having some security issues in this building. Well, you need a better security. Well they send a memo that was like, what's your back? Trust no one, anything could happen. I'll be honest with you. That guy that I saw, I felt like that was the day they decided to let us all know, like there's still people being able to walk right thanks to me.

Like I opened the door and goes basically, I go after you because I didn't want him walking behind me. I didn't want I just knew enough to keep him in front of me. I didn't want to walk in front of him. I didn't want to go into the elevator before him. What was his training? Like, Okay, have you see something? Shady let him in and then ask, like an innocent person, why they didn't sad lady, why

didn't you say something? Yeah, you think it's you think I'm going to start with that giant man right there. He's not thinking I don't like I don't like his security um tactics. I will absolutely there were some cops on the floor. What's happening. Al's gone crazy? Michael, Yeah, fix it, Michael, fix it. Okay, I'll get right down there right now. You said he's pretty big. Yeah, easy to find. I gotta go get a karate chop either. Coming out of this after like I'm gonna poke his

eyes focuses up here, sweet kick good idea, Dick. Never did I like that you live with with this old lady because I used to live in the same complex as this nineties seven year old lady. And you really learned. Yeah, and you learn a lot from old people. We kind of shun them in our society. Was the Saturdays. They revere them because they do have a lot to teach. This lady. Anytime I would complain, Ory, my friends would complain,

she would always go, so what hurt? But after a while, Florence, after a while, you go, yeah, yeah, yeah, so what you know what I had? I was forced for a job once, it which was fun, but like I was bad at it. I had to learn how to play guitar and I had just like really cranky. I felt like he was like newly sober and hanging on by a thread. But but I liked him because he didn't

give a fuck. And I would talk about something and he would just go he go n MP, and I'm like, what he goes not my problem, and I was like, that's amazing MP. So I live, so watch what. I live with an older lady in l A for a while, and it was fun. She was a librarian in Beverly Hills and she'd always come home and tell me all the library gossip was the hottest library gossip you heard. Um, it wasn't too many library lived with an old person down the hall's expensive baby. I feel like all people

you go like what. You either go like light and an airy get older, or you get like stern and angry and piss like you really see the difference when we talk to old people, where they went in their life, what their focus was, that's where they were. I had lived at my landlady in New York was like a very angry went that way and I would come you know, I did stamp. I'd come home kind of late, and then one day she's at the top of the stairs and she goes, I myself am a night owl, but

the ows you keep I love that. She was like, yeah, she was it. You don't get a curfew put on here. I think she's dead because she was a hundred and because she was an oh like you know people they're like when you get old, you kind of bend down towards the earth like she literally if you pushed her from the back, like she could have rolled. My lady would just tell me, like, who was rude? Famous person was route to their nanny is in the library? Who?

Who I fornew who she said was rude? But ever she said Gwen Stefani was just a dull to her passage. I don't know, Yes I knew I liked Gwen Stefani. You can't have a nanny. You can't have a hot nanny that looks like you. You can't have a hot nanny. You gotta get a manny that's not a pervert. Okay, So here he goes. So we're at the Quirk Hotel and then she made me so embarrassed. She was winded having to go give me an l give me it all, give me a v Why don't they made her do

it like one more time. Ellen is off to the side, one more time. Take five, give me an ol, give me a no. She really started this week. You could see she's really taking in the bad energy. Like she she got a very affected last week. She was very affected. This week she's she's newly been like you can see the damage from Ari. It's like this is so fresh. She is hanging on by a thread. She's a sweet, sort of fun lady who is not okay right now. It's time to be alone. She needs needs to be

in therapy and it's not happening. Here we go. She's doing the opposite. She's with Chris Harrison, who we haven't seen in a long time, and she's had babies are on the mind. She's thinking baby, she has wedding magazine. She's been ripping pages from wedding magazines. Um. Then Leo goes just like Virgin, you have birth to the nation. I hope that Richmond births a relationship that last. We'll get to Leo in a second. But how much do we lovely out? I love I love I love Leo. Yeah.

I've been waiting for him to do and he was actually so much you know, what he knows that people underestimate him, and he really I thought, delivered the goods. Okay, Leo with short hair, what would you guys think? Oh my god, a bone zone, full bone? Really you think? So? You don't think he's just a device of his hair. Oh,

I don't like that hair. I don't like you. I find that if he cut his hair like like a Brazilian soccer player in the Seven Days, like give me like, give me like three or four inches, like a shaggy Leo, then he'd be That hair to me is like an eighties metal band. I cut my own hair a couple of days ago. You guys, tell, I couldn't tell you cut it yourself, but I can tell you got a hair cut. Not to jump in and bragg that I cut my hair myself did for you. I was really high,

but I think it came out fine. It looks fine, all right. Anyway, back to leot hair. Yeah, I stopped putting products in the hair. Do you think so? Yeah? Is it darker? Did you diet darker? No? I just don't put anything in it now. Interesting. Yeah, I think I'm gonna get it thinned out. But I'm really excited about bangs this year, some sort of Banks I've never You're the first man. It makes me feel so good. I'd be the first man I've ever heard debate about Banks. Well,

you know I'm into him. I get a blowout and just do a loose girl. You're gonna get like the beachy mind beachy. And then it's like grab this and then let it go. And so it's just like I get like orthodox, like like an orthodox girl on the road. Why not? Why not keep you guessing whatever? You know what? You look cute with Banks. Those guys don't have to think about Banks. But I appreciate your conundrum. Yeah, it's easier. Okay, So we have there the guys having to jump on

the beds in Virginia. God, that would you would you jump on the beds if you were on the Bachelorette? Would you like at a hotel run and be like, oh my god, we're in Virginia. Mariot put it that way. Probably I'd probably be pretty psyched to be at the Cork in Richmond. So then Jason, um, oh, so then Chris is such a fucking knob. He's like, I want one on one? Okay, are two on one? I just want something. He was so roidy, and that's when Lincoln's like, well,

he feels too. He's just he lost three hundred pounds. I mean, is that true? Three hundred pounds? He said he was a three hundred pound child or something. Yeah, child, you grew up and lost the baby fat. I'm assuming he was so. He was so psycho actually looked back at his journey. He's the one the first night who tattled to Becca about that other dude not being there for the right reasons. This guy has come out sucking. She's got to be. She's been forced to keep around.

There's no way she's like this. He's cute. When he said his father rejected him recently, he is not going to be okay, yeah, the same thing. It's like your dad, you just reached out to him as an adult and he rejected. You go to therapy and he's, yeah, you did. When he wrote the letter to his dad and his dad didn't write that. When they did the Richard Marks date,

that was him a good date, I guess. But after blood, after he like freaked out, like they had a good day after he like pussed out and wept in front of Richard Marks and was like, dad didn't right back. Everybody's got a bad dad. That's how you get into like Los Angeles, you know, and then you go and I love you dad. Did you ever hear this? Well, do you have a good dad? Yeah, he's pretty good. He's fine. Well that very he's better than Chris is old man. I'll tell you that. Oh my, Chris is

old man is tough. I just feel like or he's Chris is horrible and that's pretty pretty Like I look like he's got some in them all. How about his man spreading. He's like he sat like he sat next he sat as if his like on the subway, like he had like his like his package was so large, and he he's just hot. He feels rudy. The code he was wearing when he got booted hilarious. The best

camel like a Woolen camel blazer. But like he's like when he couldn't just have a conversation when when they were like, well you're probably not going to get him one on one or two on one. So he's like, how do you know what? I'm just saying what I want. It's what I want. I was like, oh my god, he just wanted to fight. He wanted to fight. He wanted to fight Ego the fight. Yeah, and he's not in control, and we forgive him. We sent him loves, we send him loving prayers. I realized he kind of

looks like um Maximilian goof Goofy son. He looks like Goofy of Goofy movie who that is look at like Goofy like like the like the that's what he looks like to me. M hm, I need to see this photo. He okay, So then they go so he has body shaming me. I am proud of my body. I mean, any man always cool to say, always cool as a man, because they're clearly forced in these tiniest they had like they were not the Cork. They were at a different hotel.

So they're there like Marriott and they have like the shitty sweet and they're forced to all, yeah, he does look like he doesn't he does look like Goofy. He does look like Goofy. They're all forced to sit around and wait for the I am proud of my body hold, I think he said too. He said, there's nothing to sneak my way out of Lincoln, so shut the funk up, he said, that it's like and if if you put your hands on me, I would destroy you, which will

destroy literally was the size of his head. I was like, I really don't think Lincoln is a beast. He's got he's got nests to Bill has nothing to lose, apparently sing in his cubicle a doodle ship in your mouth. Sorry, you're right when he didn't. Really, here's a funny thing. I'm sure that Chris feels extra vindicated, but vindicated now that like he's correct that that like Lincoln actually is a total creeper and stuff out and yet and yeah,

so it actually fuels his crazy. I feel like any careful if someone who will argue about that the earth is flat to your face on TV is a wild card. Yeah, I can't trust that person. Yeah, I mean trust or there in their cubicle next year. You can't dress that enough evidence. Oh my god, don't go in the circle friction. I look out the flying window. It's flat out there. When you're fred, that's good. That's better than our Australia.

By the way, Sammy and Terror broke off, I'm so upset about we had to get Brian on to talk about it. Well, we'll do that on our Patriot. It's too upsetting. Okay, so then we have they take this. So then Jason gets a one on one. How much do we love Jason? Now he's gonna be the atom of paradise. He's gonna be the atom of Maybe he'll be the bachelor. I think I think she's going to

choose him too. I felt that too. Yeah, you really know the way that she talked about him, I like was watching like her Mandy, and I was like, she hasn't like spoken about a guy this way before, like any other guy. Garrett Garrett, No, not, I think more than Garrett. Garrett is really proving himself. Look, he looks so reasonable and it's like upsetting me. No, Garrett, actually

the racist actually seems sweet. But he actually seems more like actually, like I know, I was joking saying he seems like a smart person who got hit by a trail, Like I think he's actually like a real dumb dumb like I think he was being reasonable, but he's very sweet. He's actually been really sweet. He had he's my favorite race, and he's he didn't matter. If we didn't know that about him, I'd be like, oh, I kind of like, get this racist, I know, but like, yeah, Jason, like

I could see him winning. I think Jason, he reminds me of like East Coast. He reminds her like old school, like my cousin Vinny. Yes, so Staten Island like hair. And I love that she brought his friend. Oh my god, that was so cute. You don't do that with someone that you don't want. You remember Rachel Rachel and yeah, Rachel did that with Peter. No, no, no, Brian, No, didn't she do it with Peter. She went to, she went to she brought her friends, and then she went

to Peter's friends and that was it. But like, I just feel like it's kind of soon. I hope you're right. I hope you're right. I mean they would be like a good fit. He needs he doesn't need a haircut though he's a restyling. He just needs a restyling. I like it, I think because it's my first reaction is like, oh no, that's don't do this, flick back. But then you see his friends and you kind of get to know him, and then it makes the hair work. I liked him so much more and it's kind of a

flex almost. I like it. I felt like the flex the flex is the hair because it's kind of like out there and it's it's a little bit flexy, but it works. Fass. He could be like, I know a guy that can get you a used car. Yes, he's like a senior investment or something. He looks the most like his title in the world. Yeah, he seems like a really like unless she really wants flash, he's like if if she really wants to get married and have

a guy treater, Well, he's a good guy. It looks like he'd be like I got into investment banking to make the all the better place? Can I say? I like when like she was like, we have the best date ever played and then they just go to like these like weirds and all that old ship. My god, it's the worst date. They on a trolley and then they go to the basically that weird party that did that death party party. The Lady on the floor. I couldn't watched the Lady on the floor for hours. This

is getting him doing that movie. It was very fair impressed and his splits were like for a minute, to get down there and do it. He did very cool because he's a cook. You would suck him? You would you would him? Yea? After that, I love Katie. Katie doesn't care. Let's be honest. Reason you know, Leo, my mom now loves Jason. My mom loves Jason. Hi Janet say Hi, Diane, Hi, Janet is sick. We hope you

feel better soon. Janet by a spider and her legs all swollen and no doctor in Rhode Island will help her. What spider? It's fourth of July, so she can't get in, so her ankles all swollen. She's so sick. It's been, she's gone to tutor yet, she went to the clinic. It's been. They thought she had lines disease again. She said it toys, Come on, Jeanet, pull through. We need you. You're my best one. Come on, come on? Is it set up? Where did the producers go, Hey, what do

you want to do the first date? Here are some options. You can have his friends flying in. And she's like, oh, yeah, she didn't come up with that, right, she doesn't come up with anything. I feel I mean she might, I mean it was freaking Virginia's something to do. It seems boring. Maybe he's yeah, maybe like she did, was like oh yeah, let's have him come, but probably not like probably the producers because they have to deal with, like, you know,

the other dates too. I was like, yeah, this is just but they always give them credit for like, oh, she was so thoughtful. The producers were so But I think that once you're in it, I think you drink the potion and you feel special. I think you've been Do you think she's doing all the helicopter I think she's calling up one helicopter did get back. I think people become so Stockholm syndrome, like you don't have your phone, you don't have radio, you don't have magazines. Yeah, Katie,

wait a minute, what was it? Wait? I don't remember. But she doesn't have chemistry with him as much as she doesn't Garrett Jangles her chemicals. But like they seem very real together though, yeah, no, they are a better. People always picked three. People always pick the one that they want to get at it with, the I want acting like she wanted to fuck him though, but she I mean the person she wants to suck the most

is Colton. Oh yeah, the virgin, the blond one, the hot blondy just me, No, that's Colton, is the one that he wears the bad outfits and he had the thing with Tia. He's a blond guy, he's a virgin, virgin, but she wants to him. She wants to get at it. She wants to get out of with him big time. Okay, So they go to the post thing. They go to post hash. She goes one last kiss before I die. The Unhappy Hour. They have a cup of blood that just looks like kool aid? Did you guys know that

the weird blood cookies behind it? They look good. I would have eaten them. I'm gonna be honest. We still we still need to go to that warehouse and beat things. We'll go. We'll make that happen. We'll make that happen. Okay. So Jason's friends they say he's as good as advertised, and they look like a good bunch like it. They're like cell phone bars, you know. There was like a tiny one in the middle one and a big one. The big one was honestly hotter than Jason was. Yeah,

I thought, you know, get after the friend. Yeah, throw a wrench in the whole series exactly is your friend single? That happen? She was like, I demand that you bringing this hot guy. All right. My only thing about is that she's acting like, Oh, we hit it off from night one. We just really had a connection. She really does act like she likes him, and they have I think they are good chemistry and I think they But

she forgot his name. That's because she was saying about Colton. Yeah, so like that kind of was like, Yeah, you don't forget the name of somebody that you really want that you're thinking aboud it couldn't be that she like because remember she forgot his name. And then I think like she gave him a little bit more like extra one on one time because she felt bad, and maybe then she realized, oh, I actually do like you. I hope that you're right. It feels like the mother nature the pants.

I feel like that they like the bathing suit area always wins and takes over. And if she didn't immediately want to get into the bone zone with him, he's not gonna win wind out the bones on with him if it's a bathing suit. Why she likes now, But

in the beginning it wasn't her initial too. Actually, she did seem like she wanted to fucking one, Like she jumped up and like wrapped her legs around him, and then like you know, when they're like kissing, she's like pressing up against I appreciate her veracity of making out. I appreciate that she's like grinding on them. She really is, And I think that's great. You know it is, I mean yes, But also like when they do that, which they always always do, like and then they get judgmental

of the other person, that weirds me out. Like I don'tmember what season was, but like some girl was like making all these guys and then was really mad at someone because they had broken up with someone just before going on the Bachelor. It's like, well, you have five boyfriends grinding five guys right now? Right anyway, that's my two cents. I mean I watched this, and I think, imagine if you're the guy she picked any of them any season, how horrible it has to be to watch.

You don't watch it. I mean I think a lot of people don't, especially the women. Yeah, they don't watch it. Like remember what's her face from Ben Higgins? Like she was like, oh, I only watched my scenes, but she still got over and she never got over it though, and I was so angry, And that's why they got

croaked Laurence. It's a good example of how people can compartmentalize, so you can just really like someone and then yeah, and I guess like if you're if you end up with the person, you kind of have to think, this is what I signed up for, Like maybe you know, I don't know. It's funny. It's like you're really getting worse and worse. And you start off with all these guys haven't personalized different books, and you slowly go down where you actually and you get attached to various ones

and should go the other way. You start with one, you end up with ten guys. Yeah there you go. All right, so let me have um to the team a minute. The bad act. Okay, I don't even know what that is the way Jason the grandmother Alzheimer's. The worst moment his dad crying is his grandmother didn't recognize his dad. His dad just smiled the ear the year or they did puzzles and you just can't take any day for granted. And then she talked about her dad

dying when she was nineteen. They had five years and uh, they I felt like they really connected. That was like a real conversation. His story about his dad seeing his grandma. That broke me. I was awful and recognized him. I was like, I know, j Marin, you are always recognized God Mama, Mama, I know. I was like that was when I was too high. I was like feeling it too hard. I was like, I like texted my mom, like, you remember, Mom, I've already talked to my mom twice today.

You talk to your mom a lot. I talked to my mom eight times a day. Mother, Mother, it's me again, my mother, Mother, happy for the for the July mother mother? Your mom like three times a week? That's good. Yeah, I talked to my mom a good soul three times a week. I've talked to her twice or three times today. Text every day. We talk on the phone three times a week. How many siblings do you have? One real one? Put a lot of step siblings? Great? Who's your real one?

A real One's Alexa Kathleen Longfellow. I don't know about her. She's my sister. She's fourteen months younger. She's a great lady. She lives in Arizona. Does she want to go on the Bachelor? She cute? Just want she'd be good, she'd uh can we apply. Can we apply for her? I mean I don't want to apply her if I'm going to apply. Okay, siblings, a brother's sister, sister dating, it's not a bad idea. Talk. Is she a fox? Can we can we put her on? She's got she's got Yeah,

she's got the jeans for sure? All right, all right, I'm going to talk. Yeah, I didn't say that. Does that hovered around that single? Um she's yeah, she's I mean she's seeing I think a dude. But it's not too serious. They're looking right now. Steve, I've never met him. I've heard him though when I visit, come over a little late. That's all I know of Steve. Will you please tell Kyle about Terry. Terry it's his stepfather, number three, number three, number three. He does yoga outside third time

and in the nude, he does naked yoga outside. Yeah, it's just this dude, have seen naked way too much, even in the joke, because they do like a joke about it. I say, like, I've seen him naked five times. I've seen naked like thirty forty times. Wow, it's not a thing anymore stale thing. No, he's from here. It's like a terrible yoga guy. He's very free spirit. Yeah, it's not like that sounds cool though, that's cool. That's the problem is he's so damn cool and it's his mom.

Carol is his mom, isn't it Carol is his mom? Yeah, that's how I Carol. Yeah, so he's doing yoga naked outside disgust. Yeah, he does yoga naked in our like he does it in our lawn while the sprinklers are on, and so there's all that stuff. But then he's the coolest dude. You know, he'll like, doesn't he burn the very naturally tan individual? I mean even his butthole? Like, yeah, what about I guess I'll have to take a look next time, but I didn't. What is his whole body?

Is one color? For sure? He doesn't have any tanline. What does Carol think about her? Does she know yoga? Yeah, she's doesn't care. He's been doing it for a long time. Is she free? Is she a free? She's less free? She's pretty conservative? Are free? Um? Gosh? I think l A living. He grew up in l A. He served, you know, he was on a board when he wasn't on his feet. We need to get. I need I'm getting the longfellow kids in that mansion, one of you

is getting in that man come across Terry. Yeah. Where they meet? They met at Mountain Baldy. Do you guys know who that is? Yeah. She was doing a meeting or something and went up to the lodge to get away from it all, and Terry was up there doing or whatever. They played a game of pool, I think is how they first started talking. And then uh, now they're engaged. Interesting. Yeah, I'm happy to welcome him to into the family. Nice. I don't know if they'll ever

get married. How long have they I assumed they were that you've seen, you've seen him naked times. But they're not married. They're not married. They're basically married. They're just not getting the paperwork fair enough. Yeah, I think so, well, well I'm gonna get. I'm gonna I would like to get. You be a good bachelor. He's old for the bachelor, and he has the long hair. Bachelor. They should do old that, Bael should do very old bachelor. They tried

to with eight plus old bachelor us seven years old. Yeah, and Nick was thirty six. I don't want for it. Yeah, you're right. Old Bachelor is a good idea. You know my idea, What about average Joe Bachelor makes them do all the same stupid games. Yeah, you're right, make him

clam shot. I want ugly Bachelor because the social experiment which would work is they all would eventually fall for the guy because it would start off with I don't know if you're right, you're right, you're right, who's four eleven? But try and then like he's kind of fun, like right right, right right? And then when Nathan for you did it, he did the Hunk. You guys ever see

the no Nathan for You. I think it's like season one or two he did, uh, I forget Like I think there was like an endgame to it, but he like, oh no, he wanted like data girl or something. So he made a fake Bachelor show and it was called The Hunk. But the guy that they hired that like host, it was way hotter than stands over there. The Honk is a really funny name. It was a great episode. Thenk Chris is great. Huh. By the way, I don't I know, I'm new to the Chris Harrison. Yeah, he's

just he blows me away. That he's even a part of the show. Chris Harrison died so long ago. I was like, hey, one Rose left. He's like, he gets twelve million dollars. He has stopped caring years ago. Oh yeah, he's great. I really like him the worst. His wife the very good. I mean, I don't know what happens hood, he's really doing it, Okay. So then yeah, so then we have um Leo gets the card that he's going to be loved it when he goes it's my time to shine, It's do or Die guns blazing. I love

It's are all really like super macho terms. So then we had the greatest I'm gonna say since the Vikings date, Rachel's Vikings, the two greatest guest stars that we've had it for a while. They go to a debate on the group date. George George Washington and Abraham Lincoln were spect wonderful Washington was. He came in so hard of George Washington. George Washington was like, God, there's a lot of handsome guys like I'm five one. George was this

tall stock guy was a marshmallow. He was like, boy, it's gonna be hard to pick a lot of handsome, a lot of handsome, lot of hot guy of great guys, and ar Lincoln was like, oh my god, they're the real president. My god. And then it tissed off Chris that there has a link in there, so that Lincoln got more attention and Lincoln got to put on the top hat. Lincoln was like, I'm just gonna keep the focus on myself. He's like, fucking Lincoln, there's nothing Lincoln like.

Lincoln didn't react at all to the guys. He was like, my name is Lincoln too. He was like okay, he didn't get any like really what we're a couple of Lincoln's. Then I loved. I loved at the end of They're like, my daughter told me what happened that the tag? Did you see? The tag turned out so at the tag for after the coming up for next week, they had a tag where Lincoln was like, my daughter had told me what happened with your last fiance. That's a bummle deal.

I hope it all works out with these guys. I loved watching these guys in character talking to and then I tried to be like, well, eman, your heart yourself one of them something about unions and stuff, they the governor of Virginia. The Oh my god, I was like, why is he here? Does he have nothing better going on? Is crumbling beneath us? Get the funk off The Bachelor atte I was one of those a good move or a bad movie. It was that it was so bad. I think it was good. I think it's gonna get

the young vote. Oh my god. It so then so then they go and they have to debate and they're like, cold, what's the perfect day for you with Becca in the Commonwealth of Virginia. Oh yeah, they really virgin There was a lot of Virginia's stuff. He must have gotten this activity though that like you can do anything. He was smart. He goes, he goes, well the dog since Virginia's for lovers, and I bet they did get some money from or they got like they didn't make any taxes. They give

him some break in Virginia. Virginia like turs and Board was on these like Bachelor producers voicemails for years. They definitely got money Virginia again, still in the I got cut off Virginia lovers for lovers having a low pressure zone weather. Did you know we were close to watching so then he goes Katie. He I knew he was coming in hard for your pants. He was like the dog park, I'll take my lab and we'll find her

her car gain and I knew what happened, scream. I just love dogs, and he like one of the main reasons I really like Colton. And he has an older like like rescue dog, like a senior dog. It's like a mutt that he got like that he adopted, and I just like and he posts about adopting dogs all the time. So it's just you know, going after my heart pretty fucking hard. Um virgin I think religious, yea religious? Yeah,

he seems religious. Um. But yeah, that was that. I was like, oh, that's the purse a date that no one else needs to answer. It was really good, perfect And then Chris. And then so somebody asked a question, and Chris jumps in and goes a great question. That's a great question, Like he cut in about like are the guys the same in real life as they are like at the house. So it wasn't too Chris and Chris is a great question, great question question. I'm chress.

I'm cressing over here. So then they're like and then I wrote, Chris turd, he was a tattle a little bit, I wrote. And then and then they said in front of the children, like it called me a fat fuck. I don't know he said that fuck. He goes like it called me a fat fuck. And then there was kids looking like there was like a like a bombing, and there were hiding, like you were hiding under chairs with them braces, hiding under the chairs. What was it

that Lincoln said that triggered Chris. He called him a fat fuck? No, no, no, no. He he said something when he was on stage in the debate. He like, some people are like not cool in the house. Yeah, he said, you know what was it? It was like But then he went to Beck afterwards and tattled and says, guys don't feel safe with Chris Connor what he wanted to switch rooms with he has And then she's like this really hurts hearing and this hurts me hearing this God his dad, I got this flat. I'm gonna go

shoot ni cube. I have I have a registered Yes, that is he was such a fucking Chris is such a tattle. He's at the biggest tattle till I think so seriously, like this thought I had is very important. I have to tell everything. Do you think he's ready? He feels actually ready. I think she nailed it when she was like, he's a very angry dude. He's got a lot of anger, has not dealt with and it's coming out. Refused to get walked down on her. She handles. I feel like I will say she handles even though

she's easily rattled and she cannot shake it. She does handle in the moment because I always have delayed reactions. She in the moment is like, I don't think, so, I don't think what are you doing here? Like she shuts it down in the moment, which I respect. So then um so, then they have the date afterwards and uh so. Then Lincoln tattles that the guys don't feel safe with Chris Connor. So then she's all rattled, and then Garrett goes to go try to try. She's like,

I just I just need a couple of minutes. And then it's like the worst group date since the Bay of Pigs. When they stepping with the pigs of Ben Higgins and Olivia and Garrets like like I wear glasses. It was very weird, so tired, like I noticed that they all looked like they were literally falling asleep, and I was like, this was after the date at that mansion thing. When when when Garrett comes back, he's like, whatever you said to her, just he has my favorite

racist because he's been very reasonable. He is keeping green with him. I've kind of been liking him. It's very confusing to make. And then it was like racist is the children's book. That is tough? He he is my favorite racist and you don't want to like, you know, I keep like a green with him, and I'm just like, fun, did he like really vote for Trump and do al this ship? Like, what do we know? He's a racist?

A fact? He like he liked he like but he I mean, he never posted anythingself, but he did like them and they were all really nice. But maybe he just I'm going to give him the benefit of perhaps he hasn't been exposed too much and maybe just really yeah, that's he's like those are jokes. It seems yeah, it seems like he just may be dumb enough to be like, I don't really believe a book that's funny. Yeah, you're right,

that's right. He is how he liked the thing about David Hogg being an act Yeah, he was being actor that like really was like he said that the Florida like crisis actors said they were crisis that. The thing is also, you have to follow a certain type of account to like certain things like that. That's the real thing. It's like you shouldn't follow accounts like that period. I mean, she used to know about this, she does now. I don't think she's too far behind. She she's yeah, Hillary

supported progressive Okay. So so then we go. So then is Leo's turn. I love Leo. I love his little hand pumps and uh she was, uh, oh my god. It's okay before we get there. But so Leo's back at the hotel, he does the little hand pumpies all excited. So then she is Garrett is like, I actually really liked that. So she read him. He read her what he was going to say. He's like, I know I'm not good with words, but this is what I was

going to say. And her response was, I actually really liked that, meaning I didn't really like that, but I don't know what to say. Rather, why don't you say, wow, that's beautiful, Like I actually really liked that. He's he's just not a genius. No, who is the smartest one on the show? Right now? Okay, let's see Blake Johnny Menzel. Blake looks like I feel like Wills could have been smart, I will if he didn't smoke so much. Pot I think it might be upsetting the smartest. Don't talk about

Wills smart. That's how he's playing it. But so he seems so high all the time. It's graphic designer? Is it Wills? Do we think Will's is a smart Blake? Blake? Possibly? Leo? Leo seems like he's slow key like sneaky smart. Yeah he's yeah, yeah, sneaky smart. Everyone sees his hair and thinks, I'm just a really cool guy. But you know what, I'm smart? Yeah? Is Leo? Take a free spirit? I'm very smart guy. Who's you know, comfortable enough to be naked? Leo? Wait,

we're not there, that we're not there. You wait one second. Will Wills told Will's told her that he's falling in love with her. That's always a mistake. It's too early. Never do that. You should never don't ever tell anybody ever. Don't ever get what your weakness, whatever, your weakness and your power were told it to the point where they have to start kind of making they have to make that verbal is its yeah, because it's getting there, because

it's they're she's cutting down. I mean, I feel like if the guy he doesn't agree with you, but he does at some but Rachel was so insecure. That Rachel was so insecure that there were all these guys that liked her, but there was something that didn't say it. They would say I'm falling for you, but they wouldn't say I'm in love with you, and she would split hairs. She was great. She needed hair i am in love with you, not I'm falling for you that I'm falling

in love with you. She needed i'm in love with you. I think it's hard to fall in love with that type of person. Yeah, that was crazy. That was pretty dominic. She also said I'm living my best life at the end to Peter, which made us all not like her as much, but we still love. She was still a great bachelorte the very end. Personally, I'm sure you've all had this happen where someone was like, I'm falling fee a little too early, awful panic, all the air in

the room leaves. I'm like going underwater, Titanic nightmare, nightmare, don't capture me, don't capture me, just hostage awful. When I was younger, I didn't understand how it worked, and I did that, and so whenever I see it happen, I go into this like child awful. What was the worse one that you ever did? I was in college. I was a very like I was not I wasn't very successful with the ladies, and I just didn't have much experience. And this one girl, she she invited me

over and she was in a robe. I never got any clues, but I would like like people and then like I felt like that was what you're supposed to do next to okay, so what happened? So what happened? I was like a party, this socumulated. I got a college party. And now I've already like gone to her place. She's in a robe. I've done nothing. Yeah, in a robe. That's exciting and too much time about I knew something

like went bad. I just wasn't aggressive or not for whatever, and so I thought, oh, I need to be more aggressive. And my version of aggressive was verbally I should have like danced with her, done something right here. I should have done. I have something to perform something. I just me saying that I feel like I'm following in love with you, which is what I said, which in her face it was exactly the bad stor where she was like thank you know. I was like, oh no, that

was wrong. And then then she left room and I was at this party and then I just had to like and she was having a great time with a bunch of other guys. It's all terrible. Anyway, back to this show we're watching, how did it end? Did you make outher? No? Never? Never? I saw actually again like a few years later, I was in a loves my like embarrassment. I was in a show. It was a dinner theater how Humilius. This is called Joey Mary's Irish

Italian wedding. I played you you know uh to Pattini and where are we're in, like the Tri state area,

like Connecticut, New York whatever. We'd go and people be eating like hey you do and you guys see like in the pasta what and then I'll beating like please leave us along and then I just saying, when the moon hits your I like a big pizza by that, So alright, yeah, it was the worst, and she suddenly was in the cast for a day and I was like, oh no, that's and I just acted really cool and I feel like you were like, you know, I'm just I'm not in love with you anymore. Redeem me as

a very cool person. Did your dancer And then she knew what she Oh my god, I can't. I'm so glad to be out of that. Oh my god, can I Okay? I made out. I had a crush on my brother's friend, and I made out with him and then I was like yeah, and then I was gross. I don't know, just like it was like I just got it. I made out with him, and then I was over it. And then so I just like disappeared.

I don't know. He was like too needy and attached, and then he wrote a play about He wrote a plate like he didn't even feel my boobies or anything. He just made it out. We just did you write a place you don't feel their booby He didn't even touch my boobies, he didn't. He just like just mouth kissed me and a play was written about like me and my brother. No, I don't think anybody. I don't think I don't think it was every stage. My brother told me about its existence, and I was like, that's crazy,

that's flattering. Though, that's crazy, that's crazy. Did not like his kids because it was open mouth and aggressive. You know what it was. The kiss itself wasn't the problem. I think I realized afterwards because they didn't know him that well. And then afterwards I realized like, oh, he's a little needy, like the kind of guy that would write a play about one kiss. I feel like this is me. When I was younger, I would do something

like that, Like I wrote a song once. Oh god, no, I just wrote this like sappy songs and stuff like that. I mean, they were mainly about me and my feelings. Oh no no. But one time I shared them with like a girl mark College. I really was making bade horrible.

You ever do that? The thing that I do? Think like, I bought girls a girl flowers for like Valentine's Day, and I had to ask her if she got them, because I didn't hear anything from her, and she was like, yeah, I got And I was like, okay, okay, what was your most unsuccessful Lady Michael? You wrote a poem a poem for who how did it go? Lived down the street? Didn't I don't I don't want to get into it, didn't know what happened, something like tragically said old how

old were you? I was sixteen? How old was she? Did you feel ashamed when you didn't get the response you expected? Shame? And then immediate like it's almost like you turn on when it when you wake up, you wake up like, oh my god, that's so weird. What I just did you? Did you email it? Did you leave her at her house? Like? Where did I wrote it? And she lived on the same street as me? So I put it on her doorstep. What do you have

to get into it? That's what this man? I put it on her doorstep and she read it, and it was kind of a thing too, where like a few days went by and oodcast You know, we live in the same street, we go to the same school. So I just kind of tried to catch her coming home at the same that's very stalk yea. And she she she was very nice, she's very sweet, and then kind of left Russian all right, all right, I was already when it didn't it was almost like the second after

I left it, I never saw her again. Yeah, I don't wish them dead. You wish him not a Yeah, I wish they just didn't exist. All right. I made out with a guy in college. I was very unsuccessful. Guys at my college. They didn't get me and I didn't get them. And I sorry, sorry, no, no, I was not successful that he didn't go to my college. I didn't make sense. I went to college in Colorado. I am not. I am not. I don't look hot in gortex. I can't scale a rock base. Like the

the value system of what's hot for a girl. They're like the hot rock climbers, you know, like that's not what I bring to the table. Isn't in their their judging system. Okay, So the last night of school sophomore year, the hottest guy in the world. I've never met him before. He was a senior and has heard this thing and so I so that I met him, it was like

it was was the last week in the school. I met him at a party and I'll just his name was Adam Yonkers, and we went back and we went Patam Yonkers and we went So I didn't and I had no confidence with guys, so I didn't talk to him and then I went back to the door and with my best friends and they like pinned me down and drew all over my body. I want Adam Yonkers, like just drawings, like just funny like whatever, this like drawings of dicks and arrows, and just like his name

was all over me and then like in sharpie. And then the next day and then the next night at a party, he was like I saw him again and he was like it was like my sixteen candles Jake, Like, hey,

do you want to do you want to? Like he was sweet and like I was going to go back to his like I went back to his place, but like I realized that the stranger that I had his name written all over me and sharp eight, So then I had to act all like kind of coy and they're like, oh, I'm just really like shy, like because I had his fucking name, like if I like, if he saw his name and then even more embarrassing than I like, but I had like a crush on him

after that. So then my I spent the summer in Chicago and he lived in Washington, d C. And I made my friend Katie drive with me through the night to Washington, and I mean we hadn't slept in like we hadn't flushed thirty six hours and I called him and I was like, hey, I'm in town. I'm in town. Um you want to get together? And he's like, I can't tonight, but like yeah, like I was like, I don't know, forgot, I forgot it, forgot, Like I dragged my friend like he was didn't even know he was freeing.

I think you writched him a letter and like to forget it. And then and then he was like I can't tonight, but like it was like I forgot, I forgot, I forgot, and I like dragged my friends through the night from Chico. I never saw my God. I drove, I drove DC Dusic. He was like, but you know, I do not forget. I forget it. I forgot. I kind of forgot to forget it. Why did you stay one more day? Because then no confidence. I had no confidence. I just was like, he's never gonna want to see me.

The humiliation, the shame of I knew he wasn't gonna want to see me. It was us, That's what I did. It was so funny, like flop sweat the whole like, hey, you want to hang out and like, oh, I can't want to hang out kidding. I would have like fantasies in my head of what the relationship was like in high school, and there was no relationship. The school I did a play with and we had to kiss in the play. There was like a peck on the mouth.

They got married. Still, that's the last high school like I really liked during the last night, like I was like, I was like, it's our last kiss to night. Yeah, like trying to be like make it a thing, and she's like, oh, yeah, I was. I realized just meant nothing during y Yeah, oh my god, thank god. I was in the place to like get chicks Hannah, did you what was your humiliating thing? Hannah? Like, I was in the place to get changed. It's even like it

wasn't working. It didn't work. It didn't work. I was. I was in the game though, like there were girls around. Yeah that's true. You know I wasn't like I was, you know, I was in the game, but I was not. I was not. I was not first string on the bench. I was. I wasn't aware that I was not in the game. Looking back, but at the time I thought I I was not in the game. I was in the game in terms of I was near girls the nice school, but they always wont what they can't have,

you know. I didn't. Yeah, you cook up the for the years I had like, there was a few things where like I look back, like, oh my god, I had so no sense. I was at a party in college. I'd tell the story where I this girl was like, you're coming home with me? And I was like okay, and I was like, I'm like my whole focus was like try to like with a girl, like it was a virgin. I was like, do something, Kyle. So she drives me to her house off campus and she were

in her room. She gets in just her panties and a bra gets in bed, tells me get in bed with her. Now I'm just like lying in bed next just basically make a girl and I don't do anything. And then I, like four in the morning, I got up, but I left anyway. What happened in the Bachelor just lay next to her. I don't think, oh, she wants to hook up. No, I didn't even think this girl wants me to hook I just I needed someone to be like, we're doing this. She didn't do. I mean,

if she's that boold, that's so weird. I think she went to the point where like she wasn't. I brought a guy back to my dorm room in college. I got a guy to make out. We just he was just kissing, and in the morning he gave me like the equivalent of like a noogie. I got like, I got like thet he rustled your hair, that like hey, heybody. But I was like, you kick him out immediately, I truly was. I actually was like I gotta get I was like, I gotta get out of this school. This

is not the right place for me. And I succeeded at that. Okay, so then we're back here we are. So then she gives a rose. She gives a rose to could him, She gives a rose to Colton and then and Will I was, Will was, But you know that always leads to the wrong way, so I'm never see. I think she just wanted to. I called him, was like, and she even said, I know, things got really went really far last week. I'm like, what did they do? Like,

what was the rough? No, they didn't. He's a virgin. See, Like I always want to say that they sucked because like, you know, Peter's the most attractive one for sure. That right. There's no surprise to me that he got a rose. I mean, none of the guys do it for I'm no, I would now pick Leo with cut hair, if he cut his hair, I would. He was not going to cut his hair, though you might as ask me to cut his leg off. Now, okay, fantasy sweets come, this guy goes to it. She's she's got to know what's

going to happen sexually coming attraction. That's why. That's why we know because he's where he doesn't he's been. He's got to tell her and he hasn't told her yet, and he like is saying that Chris Harrison, He's like, I'm nervous to tell her. I'm a virgin. He's got he doesn't have to have sex, but he's got she's gotta see. Tell me I'm wrong, he's she's got to see his penis. Just make sure everything. I mean, I think you should fuck me. If he doesn't, If he won't,

it's still okay. But she's got to know before getting married, they have to do something. Yes, yes, yeah, he has done stuff. Although I always wonder what the girls. I'm like, are they fucking all three guys? That's a lot in between. That's growedy. Yeah, it's like it's not easy. That's growedy. Like what's happening, that's viol it. I mean it could be that they're not that they just do other stuff. Well, that's the thing. He could be a crazy butt sex guy.

You don't know, Anna, I think it wasn't that. It's not the classic loophole. He's like, well, I couldn't put it in your butt, like no thing because like virgin sounds like I'm like that guy. Um okay. So then we go. So then as Leo there on the plane, she's in her head, she's not her full self, she's rattled. Um. And then Leo goes, I know I seemed like a caricature. Oh. I thought that was sweet. I want you to know, this is a great time in my life for me

to be here, to be serious. I would be honored to be yours in the real world. Um, if you wanted to be with me. That was so sweet. And then they went to the oysters. He was so cute with his bun up and the oyster check. He look cute with the bull. Did you know some in the plane when she was like super out of it, and like he shaking his head because he knew what happened. Yeah,

I felt bad. Did you already go for that? Sorry? No, No, that what we're talking about, because like I did feel bad at the beginning because she didn't moody, just like I did. Like that she talked about it and then he listened and then they were all chilled. Just it was a very similar day to Wills where she was rattled. Why was she rattled? Week? Was it from Chris? Both times? Oh yeah, that's right, Land, I love you? And then lest she should not be on the show, she's taking

it too hard. Put your phone down, Kyle, No, this is important. It actually from Colden just texted okay, okay. So then we're alwayster shucking, and then he was like, is this impressing you? They were cute? I really liked him. Were so cute. They were cute. Yeah, and then he was like, don't get in first, let me get in first, Like he was a gentleman. Don't you think I liked him? The eye was a great He's a good shocker. That's a good day because we're actively doing something that's weird. Yeah,

and it didn't see enjoyable either. Seems very cold. Yeah, they're you know, they're going through something. It She looked like she was actually shivering. What's the best date? It's open question, like where you're like, oh, that's a good date idea, because a lot of times guys have that kind of pressure of coming up with a date. Usually

I love an activity like bowling. I have bowling. You're always alone though, two people bowling, you're always alone, but you can like sort of flir with each other in between. It goes so fast. To people bowling, you're like it's over like ten minutes, like that was the whole game. I do it? Are you doing? Enjoy an activity? Pool's good? Who brought a pool? You pool? Well, that's what my mom and that's your mom and Terry because you do the behind the bag, let me show you how to

do the show. Maybe I've done mini golf. If you can like a cool though, and you're gonna go to an activity with a stranger, my favorite is like just drinks. I guess just a couple for the first one, But what if you don't know that you actually like them? That's why you get a couple of drinks, but the one I have to be stuck with eighteen holes with something you'll like you right, But what if you do that you do like them and you want to impress them. If it's and you say, let's take this party down

to golf Land, sounds flash, I think I like. I like the mini golf see the bar to me put too much precture, Like we are like gonna maybe hook up and you want something where no one's thinking about sax. You're just having a fun time, like an arcade where you try and get the tickets, you can win a prize something. Then you get super competitive. You're like Anthony Ice first date was I asked him if you want to go to a Clippers game and he said yeah.

And then we get there are we sitting and he goes, oh, I don't like sports, but he had fun. Yeah he had fun? Like or like halfway through I like said something I would kept like talking about best BST. Yeah, I don't like sports. I don't know what you're talking about. Okay did he know? Did he know sports? Now? I mean only because I talked about it all the time. He doesn't give a ship. Now did you meet at the Clippers game or did you know I picked you?

He goes, so he went for you. That's that's nice. Who drove? We took the subway? Oh that's great. Yeah, that's cool. I think Magic Castle is a fun day. Magic Castle that's not a good first day though. I got really drunk on a first date there and made out in a sleight of hand. It was our first one and all the day the close that's the best round that's going to a magic show was probably pretty good. I want more day And I was like, no, that

is a sign of a good day. If you liked him at the Magic cast, I like the Magic Castle. I liked him in you go on the first day they leave with they like fall in love with the magician. Oh my god, that would be It's I think it's pretty easy to look cool around a magician. That's a good point, yea, or along with you know love magicians, love magic. But I know if you guys are justin Willman. But I'm friends of him. He's a magician. He's a very good looking. Yes, he I would not take if

you never take a first day to that show. No, yeah, yeah, they're treating there, so that Leo says, making you feel better. I would love to make you feel better. Over forty years, my father was larger than life. I idolized my father. I'm an overachiever. I feel that I failed my father at baseball. I wasted his time pitching to me. I always feel that I failed him. I'm hard on myself. I'm not I'm not good enough. And then they kissed.

She didn't look like she wanted to kiss him, but they kissed, and then um and then back at the ranch. Chris is drafting a letter to music. We never saw who the letter was to. Who he was he writing that letter to. He's probably writing song lyrics for Richard Marks. Oh yeah, thenever you goever you do, I will be writing out for you. So I love Richard Marks. Just offen a tip, the one that's Summer Nights. How did that go? I remember, and I remember how you loved me.

Time was all we had until the daily we said goodbye. I remember, don't show anna, don't make a face like I'm bad. At second, you're just laughing because I have no idea what that song is. Great to know that. So then they go to it's his best songs on one slow dancing at the Morgan Evans Cots Morgan Evans. That's another thing they do. They have these bands that no one's heard of, but the bachelor has to be

like to be Oh my god, Sean Morgan is here Evans. No, no, I was gonna say, my friend Mandy noticed that the drummer in his band looked like, um, a huskier version of Jordan the Bottle, and he totally did you go back and look, he totally looked like Jordans come to our natural show. Jordan just trying to sneak back on the show, probably like somewhere twenty minutes over there, you know, like you could get Jordan's Yeah, we wanted to come to show Jordan's get him in here, I mean get him.

I mean I would say, sign him up for the whole season. Yeah, he's my favorite. Yeah. My mom is so my mom My mom is so deep in now. She's like, well, your favorite is going to be in paradise. She knows that Jordan is my Favorite's like in the Chicken. She knows I don't like the Chicken. So then so then, um, I thought Leo is really cute if he cut his hair. So then Chris starts walking and his camel hair coat over to Becca and he's complaining about um. He's complaining

about Lincoln. He says, the man eats twelve eggs every day. That's a lot of eggs the roof. He seems like he's on one of those like diet plants for people who want to be buff. But what if that was the one where she was like, you know what, you're right. I'm sorry, you're right about Lincoln. Twelve eggs. It's too much. I didn't get bottom of this egg thing. Yeah, it's like I didn't care about the shit nest or the cube in the cube or the latter or the sex

registered sex of vendor for twelve eggs a day. What if she was like, Lincoln, sorry, just one of the guys they said, you eat twelve eggs a day. I'm just trying to get to the bottom of this. Yeah, I'm hearing a lot just like what twelve eggs, the eggs. It's a lot of eggs, dude, a lot of eggs. A smort businessman, It's just eggs, do you know, like not to be gross, but I'm just thinking this open air guy shooting in the open air and twelve eggs.

I didn't even think of that, No wonder he ships in his cud, don't think so then he walked over her things and she goes, what are you doing here? What are you doing here? And he's like, you know what I just see at the end, I see me marrying you. She's like that is like really big leap. Oh yeah, she nailed him on that, and then he wouldn't Then she breaks up with him, and then he goes, what are you trying to say? Actually, she was like this is not happening, and he's like, so, what are

you trying to say? And then she's like, let me walk you out and he's like I don't want to walk out and say I'm walking out, No, I don't walk it up. How about the okay to the door to door? Like it was three year old. He's a dummy. He was hurt. He was hurt. I kept waiting for him to go, okay, the wall Kyle, he was a punch the wall guy, Like he was going to punch the wall the hallway. He's a bunch of the wall guy. For sure. Like three weeks I was like, oh he

would like hit a girl. Yeah, that's what I thought too, well, if she didn't list somebody do it. But like two years go by and then he hits her once. Yeah sorry, yeah, yeah, just really you were just really pissed me off, and it would just be that. I mean, like he only you can make me feel this way. I'm supposed he hasn't already. And he also did this stuff that was like he was like, well, a lot of stuff happened that was neither of our faults. She's like, well, some

of it was your fault. Okay, I don't think she did anything to him, Like literally, she did nothing. He was just in his head too far in the shuttle at the way to the airport. She's like, this isn't about that anymore, like yeah, And then he was like he was like telling her how to feel like, I'm gonna need you to move past that. When she was like last week he wanted to leave, He's like, you got to move past he's such a bully, honey, you

got to move past that. I hate bullies. Sweethet past that, yes, but who he is kind of it all comes down to not feeling your feelings. Okay, let me get deep here. But he is not feeling he's very sad and angry and it's going into control front of control. And what he needs is therapy. And he is a big hug. He needs a lot of therapy. Thing is I think him and Lincoln would be great friends if they met outside exactly exactly. I think they could heal together. Okay,

I am going to read. Guys. I feel like we're down. I feel like we're down to the last, like the best six now though we've got two wide smile guys, our favorite racist, we've got the other wide smiled one. The wild cards we've got. It was boring without Jordan, but it's it's interesting when they get they narrow down further and further. You really, they start to see the other dudes. Wild card out. My cars expired. No one

needs to know this. I got here way too early. Okay. Um, no, I didn't get a ticket last time, so I might be all right. We don't want you to get a ticket. Um, will you guys help? What are you helping for? Coming up? So they're going where are the Bahamas? I'd love to go with them, this vacation right next to the Bachelor people and just people. Why should you love if Kyle and I could go to Paradise. Maybe they would hire us. I tried to go to Paradise. Yeah, I feel like

you could get tried perks from them. I tried. They don't want me. Kyle, Can you pretend to be like an obscure musician for a while? We tried to Rob's band. I love Kylen again. Every girl's dream discovering ever So, by the way, if you haven't, if you're not a patron and Patreon Hyland, I have been doing episodes of the Proposal. I am open to doing because I feel like people are in doing our episodes but they hate the Proposal. I'm hoping to doing great British bake off. Wow,

watch that I love. I'll watch whatever's terrible. No, don't tell me, is it's so good? Is it good? Like we'll talk about that, will you would you do with Kyle? Yeah? Of course. Or we can also do the first season of the Bachelor. Well that's a for sure, that's a

for sure, that's a for sure. Um. I'm going to read an email and then when you guys help us pick a tweeter of the week, we go to our iTunes page because we have some new we have some new like us on Facebook, like as we have a nice new review there that I'm going to read also real quick. Uh, we're trying to get more sponsors. So one way to help us do that is to get

more demographics on you guys, the listeners. So if you go to tiny U r l dot com slash Rose Podcast and just answer our survey, it's just we have questions people with master's degrees, it definitely helps us. And uh, you'd be really grateful and used the code that is at the beginning of this week of it. But we're gonna that the code once again, just because you heard it at the very beginning, but once again go to

La Familia Green dot com. That's l A F A M I L I A Green dot com and the code is Rose for twenty percent off of you heard the ad at the beginning. So if they got cute greeting cards, greating cards and we we like that from you guys, it's one of the listeners. Right. Here's an email. This is from Tova ep Dear Arden, what the funk happened to Aaron? Is she in paradised with that? Here? She's been in New York. She's coming next week she did a she did one of the Patreon episodes what's

her beef? Um? I okay, here's an email. I used to study with Aaron at a small acting studio. We worked on children's are we nearly died of depression? It was good. Anyway. I was recently chatting with two former classmates and they're now studying elsewhere with Leo a k a. Leandro. But apparently he did a Sam Shephard scene SA Shephard seen and he was really natural. She couldn't tell if it was a choice or not, but one through a degree of separation. We're so glad. Thank you for the

Leo input. Um. We have a new review on iTunes. Read it. It's a new review five stars from mother. Is this the one from Nicole Menard? I don't know. It's the most recent Okay, so most recent best Bachelor podcast, maybe my favorite podcast period Five stars by Nicole Menard. Uh. If you watch The Bachelor Bachelor as a guilty pleasure and love to rehash the absolute absurdity of this show, then this podcast is for you. Arton Marine Art Marine.

Oh sorry, I just started. Aaron Foley Paget Brewster, Rob benedict In a maraud of guests breakdown each episode and hilarity ensues. This is one, This is the one podcast, and I'm so excited for when I get my notification that a new episode is available. Keep doing the Lord's work art and come for the political discussion, stay for the hyena laughter. Yes, here's a good one, boy boy. This Bachelor atte is a real guilty pleasure. Nothing makes me happier than oh hearing Kyle done again? Are we

love Kyle? All right? Will you help us pick a tweeter of the week? Who wants to read them? Are you good at reading them? I'm not. I'm terrible, but I'll try. Are you good? Will you get to if you say who it is and then just flick to the right. So there's five of them. We've narrowed down to two, and then we picked the number one. So say who they are and their handle? So I'm reading all five? Yeah, okay, And we narrowed down to two and then we picked number one. This from this one

from Cheyenne Constant. Yes making selling. Michael's got a one on one dot dot dot. What are the odds someone will come under an umbrella? Yes, he has an IMDb credit. That's he does software poor and come under my Umbrella is one of his We we read that one more time, Read that one time? All right? This is from so again Cheyenne Constant at Trixie Firecracker on this season, Leo's got a one on one. What are the odds someone will come under an umbrella? Winky face? I think a lot?

Pretty high, okay? Number two. Number two is from Carly Johnson and it's at Art and Marine. Damn, Chris put on a master class and douchebaggery this week. I didn't think it was possible to for a nest shit nest shipping flat earther, but Chris was somehow worse. Guys. Pretty good, pretty good, pretty good, that's not too bad. Number three from Mandy Dunn Sampson at Art Marine. I'm in my way, I'm I'm in my hometown watching my grandmother, who says this reminds me of a bunch of Randy Goats, which

is also a show I would watch. Mandy Dunne Sampson. That's my favorite so far that I like her grandmother. Another one from Cheyenne Constant. How crap of a person do you have to be? That Seeing Garrett is a breath of fresh air, sure store, and the last one from Meg Corbs. Feel my passion is just code name for Boner. Right, yes, feel my passion is what Chris kept saying. You could feel my passion. You can feel my passion. All right, I'm gonna narrow it down to

Randy Goats and the one after it? Okay, should I should? I read the meta? All Right, we're gonna start with Randy Goats. Here we go. Mandy Done Sampson in the running for best weet in the week. I'm in my hometown watching with my grandmother, who says, this reminds me of a bunch of Randy Goats, which is also a show I would watch True Story, And uh, the next one was the Garrett is a breath of Fredd. Okay, how crap of a person do you have to be that Seeing Garrett is a breath of fresh air? Katie,

which do you pick one? Okay? Anna, all right, I'm gonna go with goats, just to really throw I'm gonna go with goats, So it's up to you. I choose Randy Goats. Yeah, with Mandy Done SAMs, Oh my god, I will be July fourteen at the uh in Milwaukee, Wisconsin at Bonker's Comedy Club, doing two shows with Helen Hong, and then we will be at Zaney's National August five, Anna, Rob, Benedict, Me and hopefully our new best friend Jordan's um and do you have any wen I'll be in San Antonio

the July Largo Theater September. Michael uh longfellow Michael dot Com. I am in New Mexico somewhere the eighteenth and nineteenth. I don't know where, but it's all the information is there? Great? I love it all right, let's play the song out and uh I I I will watch the proposal and do this week's with you, and then we start right off here we go. Good stuff, everybody, don't forget to pets. Thank you, thank you, thank you so much for having me.

Thank you. Ye Will you accept this resonation? Will you? Guys? You are male? Newbie I am. I'm so excited. Debbie, Debbie Ryan is our female. I hope I'll be back back. I've been learning to ask shows to have you back while you're there. Oh yeah, accept this palm that I left on your doors. I wrote a play for you.