"MAGICAL P!" W/ Jim Jefferies

from my boogie garage in Los Angeles, California. You guys, I could not be more excited about today. This is a gentleman that is my friend. Who, well do I Who is that? Okay? I could say I like I like you, I like it. I have to say this is a person that I worked with. Well, let me just start out. Let me just give you, let me give you his credits. Okay, First of all, he's a brilliant stand up comedian. Like if you have not watched

his Netflix specials, have you do have seven stand up specials? Seven? All right? Because there's one that never really saw a lot of diet that only aid in Britain for like a week and then you know, I got taken down and then I recorded many of the same jokes on my HBO special. So because I figured no one saw the first one, well we'll do what we'll say eight,

we'll say a I gotta tell you, okay. He was also he's the host of the Jim Jeffrey Show that was on Comedy Central no longer exists, you know what I mean? That's that's that's the tale of my life. But like, but you know, what are you gonna do?

He is also an actor a writer. He was the creator and the star of Legit, which was on f X, which was which I okay, so I have to say I met this gentleman and he made me laugh so hard on the set to the point where he's such a rascal, and I felt like if we'd been in school together, I would have had to be separated from you because you made me laugh so fucking very lung. But like, what did you what would you say? You're sort of a professional rascal. I think rascal sees rascal.

I'm a bit of a definitely, yeah, I'm a bit of a rascal. And I saw I was like oh my god, this is a fucking rascal. And I remember just sitting on this you were killing me, Like there's stuff that we can't say on the podcast that you were telling me about. I was dying, dying, I would we have to talk about this, afteren No, but you were you were talking about like you were talking about you've gone to like do Carnegie Hall, and then you were talking about like sober Jim fighting with Cookey Jim,

which you can cut out. We can cut this part up, like, oh my god, you were like a sober gym at Cokeie Gym, and like you were trying to be good, but there was something that was like there was like a key of something. There's a hotel room. But I just remember you, I mean, and then I think you

saw that. You saw that. I am like, once I started laughing, I'm like, and then you just kept telling me about serber gym and cookie gym and I and it was you were on some bender and you were supposed to be in like Cardigie Hall, and I was dying. It was like killing me. Yeah, I was being sober, but I did. I can remember that I played Carnegie Hall. And you have to celebrate in some way. Sure, you

know what I mean. I remember that gig because they there's always these pictures backstage of like Sinatra in the rat Pack and they're all smoking. Sammy Davis is like kicking back in a chair with a Scotch my one. I wasn't allowed like water. I was like, I was that water in my dressing room, but I wasn't allowed anything else because unions and the historical meaningfulness of the

building or something like that. It wasn't. So I haven't played kind of holes since out of choice, really, because I'm done the Beacon coming up a Beacon Theater for a couple of nights in I believe September, So that's an easy way to get into the plug. So I knew you that's exact. Isn't that where Jerry Cinefeld played all? Is that where he did his residency. I don't know he did his residency, but it's a it's a big did they did that shawna lote Um Rolling Stones documentary?

They that's so cool. I have to say, ladies and gentlemen, Jim Jefferies, let's we haven't even announced my name. Plugging gigs by the Water Raw school. Well, they figured out that this rascal is the host of the Jim Jeffrey Show. But yes, it's officially Jim Jeffrey officially, and we're here of course with the production team and Josie. Katie just made her run. Katie just ran, like left town. Katie. It was it was almost as if a sham thing.

There was like a bounty hunter. After bathroom there was like a yeah, she panicked, like she'd had like like beans and like gone for a jog and make a boticle like I can make people shoot them. I really do have to. She rolled up and to leave that fast three minutes into a podcast. You know, look, I want to give her privacy. We've all been there. I'm not going to act like I don't know what's happening.

I'm just gonna say that she shut herself with joy and from Jim cheer, from the anticipation of hearing the plug of the bee compater. Okay, Jim, let's get to that. Really, most can I say when you DM me that you watch The Bachelor? I listened to your podcast and I also watched The Bachelor, and I thought I'd cash in my friend check and I would come in and i'd be able to because no one invites me to do things like this, so I have to invite myself. Well

I would. First, I would never have known that you watched it, and I'm so now that I know you watch I'm going to capture you every season full disclosure. Jim knows who want so I'm gonna have to not look you in the eye when we get to that. I think we all know who. Okay, right about it, now, don't okay, wait a minute, let's not even get there. It's a wait a minute, let's back up the bus. So you met Thomas, You met Thomas the villains? How

did you meet Thomas? I didn't know Thomas was the villain? Okay, So I do a stand up routine at the moment about me watching The Bachelor and how my wife wasn't into it and I was the guy who yes, And so I did this whole routine. I talk about have you even Knownice? On The Bachelor? How they always talk about guarding and protecting people's hearts, yea, their emotions. They always bring up a dead grandparents, trying to do their SOB story too quickly, like like that guy, like like

the guy who had the dead wife this season. Yes, yeah, you're like, he's got roses all day. You can't you can't beat a dead wife. Yeah yeah yeah, dead kid. You should be some anyway. So um so I'm doing this something. And also they just they never talk about their politics at no stage. No, no, no, no, I think you're great and they know I believe I was different in school and all the other kids and blah blah blah, and just go did you vote for Trump? Right?

I know, because it always comes out, here's someone in the maga how to here's someone with you know, he's someone with the wats, you know, like whatever, and it's like, no, why don't you just maybe they edited out I feel like cause we watched Australia and I feel like in Australia and we watched New Zealand, I feel like they talk a little bit more about politics and stuff. Definitely go like, are you an anti vaxer? I was like,

whoa the Australian season? Yeah, yeah, you watch the Australian season. Oh I'll tell you where. You watched him on Bachelor archive dot com. Oh my god, there you would love. I can only find a Sophie Monk season. I watched that in quarantine, did you like I watched someone? Is it good? She's all right? She used to be a pop star in Australian So what I like about? I mean, okay, So Ausher, is he really a huge celebrity in Australia?

M yes, I would I haven't. Look, I haven't lived in Australia for twenty four years, so I would say it's a huge celebrity. For he's got a residency in Vegas right now? What doing? What? What? Asha? What does he do? Oher? Asherst he was like a child star. I wish Asher, why don't you just said honest? Thought? You said Asher really badly. I thought you're really pretentious and you called me Masha. I wish I have very

pretentious about Rusher. No, it's like it's the guy that hosts So it's the guy that hosts The Bachelor, and I guess it was a child star named ash Er Gunnsberg and he goes, no, I don't know who that is. Okay, I'm sure if I say if I don't know, we do enjoy the franchise. They're all the guys that come on are like carpenters and plumbers. And there's the thing about how they treaties get the ladies like all the women on the show. Why, I guess it's a treaty there.

And is that a thing in Australia. Yeah, yeah, there's like working class guy works with his hands type of thing and overalls the sexy I don't. I don't know they like that there. I think it's because the country is not finished being built and they're just like, there's a lot more to be done, a man who's going to be able to do it and they feel protected. Yeah, I guess, so, I guess. Okay, So you were doing

stand up about the Bachelor. I was doing standard about the Batch and then I was warming up because you know, I hadn't gig forever because of COVID, So I went and did a comedy club in San Diego and there's only dred and fifty people. American comedies, the one in the mall. Yeah, yeah, I know. It's called the Great American Comedy Commence. It's on the street though. Oh I've done one that's like upstairs like you have this is

an a basement. Okay, I've done one of those upstairs in the gas like districts and and then it's always women in like cocktail dresses throwing up into garbage cans on the way home, and Sandy similar type of it was in the gaslight district. So anyway, so I do the return about the batchel and then one of the way just has come back to the dressing room and they go, there's a contestant from a Bachelor here. There's a contestant from the batch there here who wants to

meet you. Yeah. I thought, well, I know everyone from the Bachelor, but it was the season hadn't started. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we're excited though, because I was like, and I was with my friend Forest and he was like so blase about the whole thing, and I said that there's a contestant from the batch. Yeah. Anyway, So Thomas walked in and he's I think he's more handsome in real life, but he's not bad looking on the TV. He's tall,

but he built like an adonist. That's what we have found because we've because of doing this over the years, we've met a bunch of them, and they are even the ones that don't come off as like the top gorgeous ones on the show, you meet them in person. And there's so much better looking than any person that I know. Yeah, but you know actors, there's so much better looking than actor. They're like we and I remember

a Guy Brandon. We did outside lance at them and there was like five we had like five guys with us, and Guy Brandon just was like flirting with him from the stage and he was like, look at you, look at you. He's like, of course you're gorgeous. Your human prizes. He came in and he was all tall and good looking and he's built. His body is fantastic. And he came in and I didn't recognize him of any season and I was just like, what season, I'm on the one that's about to end. Yes, And he just looked

like a Bachelor contestant. So I was like, all right, come and sit down, let's talk. Yeah. And then so you knew the whole thing before it even started. Yeah, But the thing is I said to how it, how have you done? And he goes, um out, I'm already out of I got knocked out pretty quickly, you guys. And he said I was a front runner. Okay, yes, yeah, and then he goes and then I said one wrong thing. Yeah, yeah, but you know how they all go like, I think

that Thomas just wants to be the next Bachelor. I don't know if Tom is just here for the right reasons. Ever, here for the right reasons, right right? Anyone I'm looking for a new kidney? Is that the right reason I'm looking for a match to get kidneys? I don'd to him. I don't think he was there for the right reasons. You don't know, you don't. I think he did want to be because he was. He was super excited about Have they already? Oh god, I can't. Maybe I can't

say that, so we can cut it out. You can tell us, okay, if they announced in Paradise, yes, yes, yes, yeah, yeah, yah, yeah yeah yeah. He was super excited about going onto that. Yes, they all are, because that's where you actually get paid, because you don't get you get fucked, You get paid, You get gone an a hot talk, you get to go to Siaita, and then you maybe get like a fab fil fun like code to become an influencer. Yeah. I think you watched the real early seasons of the Bachelor.

It's better. It's better because it's before social media really kicked into gear and he started thinking because like, I like Tasha, but Tassia was like in the first season, was like this, I inject people at the hospital. I draw blood. Yeah yeah, and now her job is just like I don't know, I didn't show up. She probably leaked that. Chris Chris Harrison said something wrong casual racist for Saras and Saras and I did that David Spain show with him. He's the nicest guy. I felt sorry

for him. He got caught up in what he said was stupid. He buried himself and then he doubled down bury himself with Rachel like he did. So you're like, dude, she's given you a window to back up the bus and he just kept like full steam ahead. Yeah okay, so so so you so you don't think he's there

for the right reason. I agree with you though, because the early seasons, but I don't think any of them are you know, I wasn't whence you could become an influencer before when like the only prize was like maybe we'll fall in love and moved to Seattle. Like, I'll tell you how I knew he wasn't in there for the right reasons. If you use your fame to get backstage at Jim Jeffrey. Imagine what else you like? He's getting free coffees and stuff, and he's he's taking whatever

he can from expence. He's swinging. He's taking his big swing. So he told you everything immediately? Did it? Did it bum you? Out? Watching the season? Having been Thomas? How are you? Do you have his phone number? So my friend, my friend Forrest, who was sitting there with me, he's never watched The Bachelor. I start I start ringing up, going, oh, it's starting to turn. You're getting angry with him. He was a bit of a front runner to begin, Yes

he was, and to watch this he's a villain. You were invested in Thomas when Thomas was forest watching, but then when Thomas started to do that, the men say all things and he's just like I couldn't be there, and uh what happened to us? Get some like get he was a total plus? Like he lives in San Diego. Wasn't just drive up made? Yeah he could have been there. He could have been there. There's something I've wanted to ask Bachelor and Bachette fans. This drives my wife insane.

Why do all the women jump and wrap their legs around people. We never in my life, I've dated a few women. I've had women who enjoy my company. They've never enjoyed my company enough to run from a distance and wrap there. And if they if they did do it, I'm not sure I'd stay. I have to say, I feel like we tried, feel like we attempted. It was because I've also never done it and I'm not a large person. But I also feel like like I'm I'm surprisingly thick. I think for myself, I think no, no,

I think I'm more. I think I'm more dense than I have had to be almost killed people why. It's like, I'm like, yeah, I feel like have you you guys have never but also had to be jumped with such force and distance. Katie does it a bit more delicate. Yeah, she's tiny too. I just want one bachelor to do it to one of the you know, Matt James with it like spindly legs, because it's usually the guys are like buff strong, Like I've never been with a man who I thought I can go and jump in his

arms and he'd be right right. No, you know, if there's a small I can probably I've lifted up girl friends. I've had a kiss and lifted up and I can't get a full force runner doesn't and all, Okay, this is what I don't know about this season, Katie. You just have a nice kiss with the person. Okay, he doesn't. Everything doesn't have to be full blast. And then's like that guy that rests like the cat and he was like bad kids are though you can see the bad

and I hate to be this, but he might be gay. Yeah, he might be gay. He's got to be gay, and I don't want to be that person because I've met people who are quite a feminine who turned out not to be gay and vice and you know what I mean, put people who are you know. Yeah, he has a little vibe for me that I think he might be. Well, I thought you were to join this, so we have

Lance Bass. He might be He might be. But he was saying that he hosted Paradise and that apparently so their season hadn't started airing yet, so they don't know how they're portrayed. And so he met Lance and the first question he asked Lin because so it had it, he hadn't seen it, so they don't know what their edit is, And the only thing he wanted to know was did they keep my song in He's a jet, He's a jet, blessed to bless his teacher song. He

wanted his dog food crom jingle like Jed. And then and then when he came in with He's on the Men's tell all, he had one more song and then but I don't remember him seeing that many songs in the season. He did, he kept he kept doing it two or three. He did one about his girth, of his of his dong. He did one about wasn't he like a high school teacher? Yes? Yes, stop talking about

my friends a teacher. And he watches the show and he was like, that guy does not want to be a teacher, because anyone who actually wants to be a teacher does not act out right. Okay, cut this part out. He did keep wearing blouses that were like pirate shirts unbuttoned to his navel. Okay, okay, well, I mean, like, would you wear a pirate plass. I don't have the body for it, but if you have the figure my own body, if I were like, it's so flabby that if I were like a skin tight shirt, it looks

like a Pirate's player. I have to say he was a bad kisser, and he was an He was a hungry kisser. She's a hungry kisser as well. Yeah, she never has a nice soft kiss. Yeah, you can ramp up to them a long yeah. Yeah, she just never has a soft because because she doesn't with every single pa. So Hannah be was she obviously rubbed around too much because her she got roisia or whatever, she got redders, you go, she got shes got beard burned, real bad

of everything. And this girl goes in a bit too hard. And that the guy that the school teacher, he thinks a lot of jor action. Yea, the way's like. And then that girl who was sitting in the audience and it's like, okay, so gotta be a plane yeah and show Yeah she was the Internet. One of the beauties of hosting a bass for podcast is like we have like eighty eight little spies out in the world. The strangers send us things, and um, somebody sent us full casting,

like Central Casting looking for this woman. That was like, yes, you're gonna love it, You're gonna love it. It was And then I always think with these people, it's think you want to be an actor. Yeah you can. You can't even put that on your IMDb page, Like, how are you ya? Does it lead to other work made out on the Bachelor? Okay, so here's here is readers. I am blind, but I am like, okay, you get brow Nana's readers if you need. Oh my goodness, isn't

that crazy? This woman neither comeing to scripted out exactly exactly how it went. And then ABC covers their basis as like or a respectful hug at the ad whatever you're comfortable with, maybe just a hug or a full tongue kiss. Yeah, they went looking for her. That was hard to watch, and he must have known as well. Yeah, you think they probably asked permission in advance. Yeah, but when he was like this, he was like, I was checking you out and I can't. I can't. That was hard.

That was a hard thing to watch. Yeah, I I hate that we actually had to say that he might be gave a then with Culton, you never know, I know, I now again people got mad at me during that season and I and it wasn't even remember Lance was on and we were Lance was saying that he reminded him of like his upbringing, and look, you never know. It's up to eat up to each individual person. So but like maybe maybe that's the thing. Maybe that's a thing. Yeah,

so he's on. I never watched The Paradise I draw the line. Wait okay, oh Jim, no, no, no, no, Hadnty. Here's the thing. I'm here to do an intervention on you. I've seen the season. You get two seasons. No no, no, no, no no, Jim, here's the deal. I'm not even exagging, like, do it. You can come play with us, do it so we can break down an episode with you. Because

here's the deal. It's the greatest show on television. I watched the Chad one where you started smashing things and he was eighting mate, Nola, did you did you watch the whole season? I just watched the episodes where he allegedly went mental. My wife watches The Paradise one. She prefers. Here's what I want to say. First of all, more marriages and babies come from Paradis because they actually get to hang out, and the editors don't need to protect

the lead. So like they everybody anything foolish that people do, like, so they make it look like, say I'm a hammered contestant complaining to a producer. They'll it it in like and it looks like I'm talking to a raccoon that's holding like a wine. Like they will make you look like an idiot, which is really fun. And the Shenanigans, it's Jim, it's only like three weeks. Come on, Jim, it's worth it. It's so fun because you've watched all the farm teams for it, you'll be like, oh my god,

to watch, but there is you have to guess. Katie takes. So what they do is like one week there will be more guys than girls, and one week there's more girls than guys, and so they have to have to be because there is a competition. Sometimes it will be like two extra guys. There's mean like horny musical chairs.

And here's the deal. Let's say you know your wife was coming on, but she's not there yet, right, so you're like, oh, Ship, I don't rumor that like this lady that I like is coming on, but I gotta like stick around because I want a chance. And also the longer they're on, they get paid, So you're like, ship, so maybe I'll you strike up a romance with Anna. You keep Anna around, but then maybe start to fall for Anna and that Gal comes and it's like it's

like it's really riveted. But they all clop off with each other. I reckon, they all cop off with each other in the outside world. I reckon they have a community. They have to shot up to advent. You're all talking each other. You know, that's ruined it. That's ruined it. All talking on Instagram. Yeah, like fucking Blake, right, Yes, let's talk about this guy. Let's talk about let's talk about it. Let's talk about hometown. First of all, Blake, just just get a part in The Beauty and the

Beast music. You have the smile. I've never seen someone who could use less makeup to play The Beast Musical than Blake. Yeah, you can't fall in love with everyone you meet. Not everyone. It is Claire, Tasia and Katie. That's quite a threesome of they're all very different. Their heights and sizes and personnel and everything is different. Everything's different. You'll fall in love with anyone if the cameras on you.

But how much did you love his sister being like his sister was I mean, Taylor, I was here for Taylor. Taylor being like, oh so now now it's Katie and he's just like he's said Canadie. He's like, well, you know, like the hurt because huge team is so important. Yeah, for your time is so important in that sentence again anyway, So he his sister was like it was first like, okay, I'll go slightly back to Claire, and I want to talk too much about Claire. Sure, it's never gonna work

out with Dale. It's not gonna No, No No, let's talk because they're back together. I felt back together because they want to make one last hey even the thing. So my wife's pregnant, I'm we're buying baby stuff. We go to we go to buy one of those baby carriers. Yeah the model diale no nos a lot of money doing weird modeling, is true. He's got he's got like a baby attached to him, like one of those shirts.

So excited when you saw that wasn't it was like one of the ones that was more clothy the yeah you buy that? Did you buy it? Oh? I think it was on the baby register. Maybe someone bought it for Were you thrilled when you got it and you realized it was Dale? This is the all the male. Dale probably lives with his mother and a time of stuff. Claire was a hairdresser from nowhere. Yeah, right, there we go.

But it's always it's always like, first of all, when people meet, it's like it's so the guy of the widow bloke, right, Michael Man nice fellow, seems to be a real nice fellow. Um, his kid was playing him. That's all children do, is children do. I've had that conversation with my kids a thousand times. My kids ate right, yeah, yeah, I've spent a life on the road. I do one week on the road, one week off the road, and I always planned my weeks. My son one week on,

one week off. I even put my extra house down the road so I could see my kid every day. The weeks that I have my kids, I won't go on the road, So I'm only on the road every second week, right, And then the second week when I'm away, I get these facetimes they're like this, do you not want to? And I'm like, dude, I'm hurting money. So you got that expensive fucking school, Please please don't give me like like so that guy, the kids like I just you didn't want to spend time with me, and

they're very sad. They're very sad. Daddy's trying to trying to be a TV start. But let me ask you this, do you daddy's at work? He could be like daddy at work, daddy's on a work job. Do you. I felt like if he really wanted to be with her, I feel like he didn't want to be with her, or he would have been like confined, like like I gotta go home. I think, okay, but first of all, talk to me. He lives in Akron, right, Like that's like that's date number one. Where do you live? You

have a child, so you're locked into a situation. That child has grandparents from your dead mother, so they probably want to see the child on the regular because they've lost their child as well. And where do they live? Acron? Anyway, it was nice meeting you, and you deserve love like anybody else. Yeah that's true. Yeah, you're right. It's like whenever they start the Lebron James documentaries, it's always like

he came from Akron. Yes, I like my husband from Cleveland, and I was like, oh, you have to go Cleveland, the big smoke. Your husband's he's living in the big city. Yeah, I thought the same thing. I was like, he's not leaving Akron, He's not leaving, but do you think it? But then he didn't try to say come find me. If did he shot the Bachelor in Paradise. If he did, I don't know. I don't know. I have not seen that he has. He better not after my kids missing,

we thought he might be bachelor. We were thinking that they might make you think. No, I don't think so, because I mean, it's gotta think it's gonna be himself in the foot a little bit because if his kids missing him when he's but he can bring the kid, he can bring the kids. I don't. I don't I turn it him in. I don't like when they were like So there was that season they're married now and the guy had the kid. Even Seattle, there's been four jan Pablo, Emily and Mesne. There was also the girl

who I can't remember him. She was a little blindly, she kind of the baby voice, and she had the two little girls, and she kept talking about how much she missed her but she wasn't the bachelor at and then she plashed a guy in Vegas. Y, yeahs they have made everything telling you, I mean the Paradise going to Paradise, Amanda. That's when Ben Higgins went played with them on the beach and then like was like, bye, it's like they don't bring the kids. Like before I

met my wife, she didn't meet my son for a year. Yeah, because you know, I think I think she she met him very briefly earlier on, but as dad's friend who just came over. There was no touching or anything. That was just a person in the house, but in a meaningful way. In meeting for a year, right, Yeah, it's a big thing. It's a big thing, and they're just like, come on DV. Yeah, yeah, it's a big thing. I kind of think Michael didn't want to do that to

his kid and that's why he left. Maybe he was like, this isn't going anywhere. I don't want my kid to have to meet some woman. Like less than two years after the Basic guy, the kid all of a sudden couldn't show up to the wedding or be filmed on the wedding, and he was like this, like when they had their special wedding episode, he was like, oh, my ex wife decided that that was enough of him. Being on TV and he should just have a child that's

like his ex wife, obviously and rightfully. So yeah, what then are you doing? Stop doing that if you want to run around after hussy us. Yeah, yeah, that's it. We're gonna take a quick breaker when to come back and talk about Claren Dale. But the bone zone? What's kind of the bone zone? Guys? And we're back? Okay, Wow, what he revealed to me in the break was rendou know nobody knew that Rash has been with me for years from diale from Dale. Okay, so wait a minute,

I look, here's the deal. Claire god lover I she's bout shit. I mean her reaction, she's bad. I hate to say this about anybody because you never know what they think. Dials out of the league. I really wanted it for her, but you're right and die it was one of the better looking contestants we've ever had. As a man. Yeah, you're like, I could see it. Yeah, yeah, you know what I mean. I was like, that's a

good looking guy. And you don't think about it if we were saying the ones that we met that were not even like the top dogs on TV and you meet them in person, and you're like, holy shit, imagine Dale in person se and so so, and it's like, oh no, Claire, you fell in of course everyone falls in love with Dale at first so yeah, it's it's two thousand sites where you're like, maybe not you know what I mean, but first sight, I'd fall in love

at first sight with Dale. And it also he comes out everyone comes up in their best outfit, you know what I mean. It's not realistic. You don't know where they live or would you ever what would you wear getting out of the limo and would you have a gimmick Jim. I used to think the gimmick people were stupid, but then then Jojo my favorite, Yeah love Jojo, the unical Unicorn, the Unicorn and came out Unicorn and then the Guard. This season it was just in a box. Yeah.

With James, I wanted more from James. I felt like he paid to the box. But he did wear like a nice nineteen twenties gangster out for all the time. He had a thick Satin Island accent, but it said

he was from Lahoya. He wore like spats and I am hoping he's in partis because I want to see if he dresses like wears a vest like, yeah, I was into jail, Like I didn't understand James his hair because everyone was sweating that night and he was in like a three piece suit in the box for like three hours and he came out like fully quaffed, thick, thick New York accent from Lahoya and like kind of like poor man's Bradley Cooper. And then nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing.

Tried to revive the box joke with the penis at one stage did a poem about a box. He did like at it's like a cat, He's like reliving their great interest. Yeah yeah, the cat guy quarter like he said that the gimmicks have worked of life. So would you do a gimmick or no gimmick? I wouldn't have the confidence to do a gimmicky. I would let me

accent do the heavy lifting. Yeah yeah, yeah. Unlike Andrews, who was so adorable and his accent, his fake British accent that my wife is British at driver inside it was the worst. It was sound. He thinks it's brilliant. Oh my god, he's so adorable and it's so undateable. If I was on a date with a guy, and he started doing a British accent. I would just barrel roll like right out of it, like I would be out. It's undatable. But also he's doing a British accent, but

the most undictable British accent. Yes, he's doing the tip bit, tell you who, we had a wonderful time. And the thing, the thing he didn't do, the fucking Jason's stuff and yeah, yeah, yeah, you're right. He did like chim chim cheery like Mary Poppin, right, yeah, like bead knobs and brooms. That's that's all Americans know of the British actually, like, of course there's a lot of British acidents, but Americans know the Jason staff them

sort of all the guy of sexy beasts. Um oh yeah right, you know, and then you have befuddled British, which like Hugh Grant, oh yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. The script doesn't say I'm the word four times like quite quite quite lovely. The script doesn't say that you know what I like about you Grant. It's Hugh Grant feels like he can't not do it, but he hates himself so much, like you can see that he hates yourself so much for doing it. But he's so clearly is like a cad. Yeah he's got he's got like a

woman down the right that he had a child. Hostess has like three hostess kids. The thing. He's like, he's got that he had the prostitute or the thing. But somehow with that accent he has gotten away with being this guy. I saw him one him one's getting kicked out of a bar in Edinburgh at the Edinburgh Festival because he was just smoking a joint before it was legal, just in the courtyard. The whole thing smelled of way, and then the security comes up like, I'm sorry, mate,

you can't smoke a joint here. They weren't like arresting him or anything, and he was like he's like that, and then he's floppy hair and he's being thrown out. I like him more now, Yeah, you've got I think it's I think it's because he owns it. He owns up here everything. And then still women think he's wonderful. I'm not even kidding. I think he's like the three or four babies with waitresses and hostess it's just like

every way dress in hostes. He was like a villain in something recently where he wasn't playing that character, and I was still like, he's lovely, Yes, lovely. I think my mother would have driven over my face like she was so horny. Virtue. It's like, so he just he just hit us. He was early in he was really

winnings in the funeral. He and Annie mcdell coming in hut and they were like kissing in the rain, and we're like, oh, Grant, you get a breg nag By like a buffet, like superlantation if you like, put a seat in it as honest stealing corn bread at the Beverly Connection, guys, I just got pregnant, I grant, I was stealing baked potato. Um wow, what a what a time. So clurkiling back and dressed. He does not have the Hugh grand He's got the chim chim drewe you know

what he was. He was the butler from the Fresh Prince of Bellet Fresh person Hiller. Can we give a shout out to the fact that they just would swap out the moms actresses and never acknowledge that they got they got rid of that lady. Well then they had the where they all came back together. Yeah, and they got I think they got rid of her. If she was pregnant, like you're out and about Hugh Grant, there might have been the might and there might have been

some mood swings or someone wasn't feeling their freshest. And I think that will Smith was maybe a twenty one year old that didn't have empathy for the pregnant. Now. Now, if I if I had a pregnant person who was slightly emotional, and I said, I'd go, I see what's happening. You're building a human Let's give it another day. Yeah, I mean days, you know. But I think he wasn't sympathetic. She was no Carlton to him. No. Okay, So who

was your favorite bachelorette of all time? Number one? More than Caitlin A Begkatie Fan, Caitlin Caitlin Caitlin, Caitlin Bristow when she had Nick Vale, great season and then I don't remember that she's the host. She's the host. I saw that season season, Oh my god, you need to watch that season. She was great. I was living in Britain. British seasons and stuff like this, But I don't know she was a great bachelor. Jojo was great because Jojo was cool and hot. I felt like Jojo didn't have

great guys. Joe Joe is the only one where I watched it where I was like, I love her to be my girlfriend. Oh yeah, And I was obsessed with her family. Her brother mouth kissed her and then her mom was hammered, pounding, the pounding, the champagne, and she was like, she's a brand's ass. You need her to treat her like a quay. I was like, I am here for it in Dallas. I like. I like Pilot Pete season. Yes, great season because the mother was everything. Oh my god, she in an age, bring her room.

It's just what Harry Tales of made of Peter. Then when Bob was in the end of the bat Hannah and she was just fucking not having it. She wanted to choose her daughter in laws. She had already picked on off the shelf, for that was the one she wanted. The girl who won. What's Hannah No, no, oh no, no, made, no, the one before made and the one that went the Bob. Yes,

she has no personality. She was pretty and she was Hannah, Hannah and Hanna and okay, Yeah, Hannah was cute, very nice, who was very sweet, but she couldn't she couldn't become the bachelor. She wasn't good telling and she had all the makings of it. She was a jiled lover who had been screwed over by another batchroom and gotten very closely.

They tried hard with her also at the after the final rows, they tried to turn her into a feminist a modern day like I choose me, and like it was too late, it was too late with the person that they tried, and it didn't work. You're right, who was the girl that was super horny that that they went to the rock concert and turned out that that goes a man eater. I've died, Victoria, I've died with women like that. And like she used to spin it with she did these things like he'd go like, and

you do this thing? And then she rather when she got caught in a lie or a secret like this, and she got this, why do you even bother with me? Why am I even still here? And then he go, because I care about you? And she had already just like like and they fantasy broken up marriages and right, that's right she had, but it's also you knew, I

mean that she wasn't the best looking one, but she was. Well, here's the thing I think female, you know, you can't compete with women like that because she is you know, there's like traffy splits, like you can't compete in the bedroom with that. She's the one that when you met your buddies night night, you're like, oh, that's got to end in taste that. Yeah, I'm sure there's the mile equivalent, but they keep you on the hooky, you keep coming back. Yeah,

you know she's like the mistress like that. You like, she definitely feels like you don't want her working with your husband. Yeah, like you know Victoria from the office like girl. But in the end, I don't think Victoria and the final chapter isn't happy. Yeah, we haven't seen from her sister. She started dating Chris Souls. Remember they were like warrantinaming together and he was like fighting his battle. He's not in Man's waughter. I don't know. He did

turn himself in for Man's latter. Eventually, what he was a guy who had he hit somebody was the farmer. He had somebody with a tractor killed somebody. His beer in his car. He was on an alcohol It was like from this tiny little town it right, yeah, he was the actual and he it was terrible something like that, and he left the scene. Was on the road. He killed some of the tractors and somewhere in the field.

It was like I think through the he ended a car that went into a ditch and then that person died. He left the scene and then later because he was drinking, I believe, and he wasn't known alcoholic, and then he came back or he turned himself in later and then um, I believe is going through his I wish everyone. I don't know if they're still together, but were quarantining together last year. Okay, okay, okay, that's hot. That's how hot, combo.

I wish everyone well, I'm reading Fordy with letter wishing everyone well. Okay, wait a minute, foil circuits. So we're back. So Joe, Joe's your girl, number one, top dog. Okay, let's talk about let's talk home towns for one second. Okay, so Blake, So Blake's mom. We were saying yesterday that she looks like Cathy and to Jamie, I loved her in her leather pants, her pop collar, and she did you know that she gave Katie a Canadian theme dildo.

I I remember, I remember Katie with a dildo and on Thomas stuff was when I when I when I met Thomas, he was like, I was like, I was like, so, what season is that? I know there was two girls, and there was two girls, and I go, you, guys, Katie, she's the one with the vibe wrator And he went, yeah, the one with the vibe right, And then I don't know, I get who give a fucking Thomas grant me? I went, I went, and then and then I went, oh, there was the other girl. You guys, Yeah, I wanted the

other girl. Oh Michelle lovely. He was hoping he was

going to be on her season. Interesting but also I don't understand, how have you seasoned to someone like this, Like I just saw you, like the Canadian guys, just like I just saw you, And I head to me, I've watched hundreds of these women come on, yes, and there hasn't been one where I'm like, I gotta me, I gotta find I've been single during some of the seasons where I'm like, I gotta find a way to me, like find a way and hope for the best, find a way in the way. I have to find a way.

I have to find Blake. Here's like that that blond girl that showed up on James's season. Yeah, yes, that blonde girl that was very pretty, the one that was like this, I've never been kissed, that really good looking, like Gather. She drove up in a fucking minivan, a minivan. They didn't even get her a car rental, and then Captain Harrison greeted her at the gate. Chris Harrison, They're like, Heather, what are you doing here? And yes, she's never been kissed.

She felt a little bit like a producer, like I don't buy that she had never been kissed. No, I don't way in the world. You know, I'm saying, I hate to be like the way she presented her. So she was a sexual person. She wasn't. She wasn't like someone who's like you know what I mean, Like, she lives, she knew a way around talking to man and stuff, flirting. Yeah, she was gorgeous and she's a knockout. Yeah, yeah for sure. Yeah. It's it's it's like it's like you would be with

your friends. You see that good just blonde bird with the perfect body and the flat abs, wearing the yoga pants in the midriffs. Never been kissed, never been kissed. It's just no one's ever asked nobody's interesting, not andy kissing, nobody. Nobody has found a way that thing that good looking women always complain about, and I'm sure good looking men impotent about it as well as like often we don't get asked out because men are intimidated. I've asked you out,

you turn me down. I've gone up to tens and gone you want to go out. I've tested this little theory of yours that no one ever asked you out, and I you know, I know it's people are like, no, you don't get it. It's just like, no nobody asked me out. I know who is saying. Who is there was some actor I've met. I've got friends who know want asked out. Don't worry, they're not tens. I got a couple of my maid too, not good looking guys. Like it's just that women are intimidated. They're so scared

they're terrifying. Yeah, I'm wonder if people who aren't attractive we never get asked out like this. Maybe I'm stunning. That could be the issue too much. I terrify all the gentlemen. All right, let's talk about great for a second. He are, what side were you on during the hometown? Okay? Sorry? So him going and I said to you and you did nothing right, yeah, him saying I love you, and her going I love to look at you. But then after that, she's like, you see him off, what do

you mean? He didn't say I love you, though, he said you have filled a place in my heart, which isn't I love you. It's something you get out of saying and I love you with and sorry if he just point he didn't say it. Wow, I think you said you feel a hole? Yeah, you felt And he wanted her to say, like you feel a hole in my heart, you feel a spice in my heart or a hole in my heart or something. Okay, And then he goes, I said to you that you feel old

heart and you said nothing. And it's like somebody said it to me. I'd probably a guy. It's nice yeah, yeah, like looking at you. Yea. I would say I really like you or something and say something back, but I don't think you don't have to return that message is such a weird sentence. Yes, um, so so, But then it's like, I I know that she's not I can tell she's not into him, like she's into him. I

think that I think he's it. I think that she's so into him, but that but that he's such like he's so moody, like his weathered patterns of feelings, like the clouds rolland so fast, like he's so happy, and then all of a sudden he's so insecure, and boy would that get old over time? Well, so, because I don't care about the rose? Do you think this is what it's all about? Getting a rose? The whole structure of the when people come on who you're like, have

you ever like you signed up for this? You can't sign up for the power dynamic is so okay. So if you're if you're the bachelor or the bachelorette, you get all the power and all the contestants they're just bitches. Just you can do male or female. You can do whatever you want to these people because they can't complain. Heaven forbid, they go, you know what, this group date. I don't want to play rugby. I'm a grownass man.

I use my brain for a living. I don't want to be tackled, you know what I mean, because like one of one day to like you're about to do something magical and fall in love your body painting or your body baked pottery, like the scene from Ghost. Yes, you get fireworks, you get to Neil Arts, you get to slow down to your own private concert. You although that would be so awkward. I can't think of anything more. I just think you missed you know you like like say,

some of them is like dancing. It's always like country. That's why I think they all vote for Trump, right, it's always like some Middle America sort of like and the thing when you came along, it was what my heart little and strong and then slow dancing back and forth like this. And then there was one season where they just went, what band have you got? Well, Bandacre ladies, that's gonna make it hard to dance to the theme

song from The Big Bang Theory. So what we'll do is they'll be on the They were the only band to go on a group date because group dates sock yeah, group dates and it's like I'm I'm not okay. So so they remember with Claire's season, there was a man

who was just like enough. I was not super I'm not a PC person, but I really thought that date was degrading when the men like she, like Claire was just there, like Crilla de Ville, and they were just like there and like like she just said to him basically, get naked. And if you didn't get naked, you're a person who wasn't here for the right reasons. And then there was the blakes, like they're just there's just like it might have been cold, it might have been shrinking.

I I need to know where my penis is before me, and that I've got days where I'm happy to show it another days where it needs to be kept to itself, you know, unless I have an erection, And then that's offensive. If I just said, everybody's get naked and next to all the other naked men with my direction, and so I get, I get the guy overdid it. He was like a bit of it. He was a piece of shah. Then he was cunty, then he ran, then he started

going there. Sorry Australian the Seaward, Sorry I forget. We grat you permission to say we kept talking about chides yesterday. If it makes you feel any better, But before that, I thought he was fundamentally right that the date was one step too far, and then he overdid the whole thing. But that's the group dates. It's like this. It's like, so we're gonna play this game where you gotta soccer ball. Better this game where you're gonna soccer ball. You gotta

run it like a rugby ball. Then you're got to dunk it in a nine foot hood. You're gonna get kicked in the dinner and you can get tackled, right, And they showed that little guy who looks like a troll Hunter Hunter who's a super fan of the show. He's like he's like, I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna do it, and then he tackles it and then everyone's like this, oh no, this has got too fun. This season.

Before that, they did boxing. Yes, yeah, just put them in a ring with this is the thing that like professional boxes have to get medical checks in these and they can't. Yeah. What happens is someone gets punched in the face, which is the task that you've asked them to do, and then people like, no, we're gonna stop it here, what did you want to Noah, the nurse hopped the fence. He ripped a shirt off Noah, the

nurse with the mustard. Yeah, yeah, he hopped the fence and everyone was like fucking no because he wasn't on the date. He was there as like the crowd because they were during COVID, So he like jumped the fence and like like they were so pissed that he thought, and she was like, I like that, that's bold. You know, I'm looking for a man that takes initiative like Dale's

big move. If you was ever upset, you just showed up like this, Yeah, here to make sure you're okay, which, if you're not into a guy, is a needy fuck up my space, don't do this or that's the whole thing is like someone's coming on too strong, someone trying to move it too fast. When you fall in love, none of those things don't care. You don't care. As fast as you can make it, as long as you're both into it, you're like, let's get on board and

do this as quickly as we can. As soon as someone's like I need my space in my time is like the same page, because sometimes I'm like that with people, and then sometimes you know, it's different for each each person. Yes, me and my wife knew very quickly. We were off to the races very quickly. Anyway, So what we're talking about, so the guy with the starch you jumped Noah Noah boxing, boxing and patching in the face of a terrible group data.

Can we mention that with these new seasons with COVID, Yes, all that traveling overseas wasn't needed. Oh you think I'm misses. I just need people crying and running away somewhere. Do you think for Michelle season they're going to travel? Yeah, I know they go to Minnesota, her hometown area, well, the hometowns of hometowns of what's his name, Jeremy going. I'm so glad I got to show her Baltimore yesterday with Justin. Justin Glad was the other. But he showed

a Canada. He's like, let's go, and then they're riding on a mechanical he's humping her from behind, humping her from behind on the mechanical moves and also, we know what Canada looks like. We get it. It doesn't. It doesn't look like New Mexico. No, it doesn't look like New Mexico. The people was snowed to it and then and then what was the one the guy who ended up with Tasia who very attractive women. Yes, she's a

bombshells very like a smoke. She had the bloke with the fucking underbyte yeah in the method Yeah, and how he that was dumbfounding to me. I was like, you chose I even knew I could date Tatie. It's like, I'm as good as that when she went, I'm no dale. But when Tassa showed up, like and not to be a full creeper, but like I have to say, when she came out of the pool pool and I was like,

I was, I'm a straight lady. I date guys. But when t came out of the pool, I was like, human women look like that, like and I think I think she's natural as well. She's got to go on Tasa and she came out of the pool. They should have just just written and when she came out of the pool, just paused it and just put Claire hoop because it's it's like it's like that one guy's like, actually I came here through Claire, Like I like your integrity, dude, have you met I have to say when Tasha showed

up again. She's very nice, she's very sweet. I don't know she's the hugest personality on the block, but like, who cares she I think she can be No, I think she's a nice person. She's fairly vacuous. I think I think I think she wants to be an influencer. But it's why, like holy mother nature. When you see what gene Pools can do, I'm like, whoa that was created? But I believe I think she was born that way, and it's like holy shit. She's like, yeah, I would

fully date Tasia. It was Tastia the season when she showed up and there was like the guy that she would like. He was a super nice guy. And then he had the brother that just had tatsol over his face. Was I don't remember that? That's Ian great. I loved Ivan's brother and I thought Ian's really cool. He's going to be a paradise he is. I loved Ivan. I liked him. They had a disagreement about religion, yause he didn't believe in God, and she was like, I can't

do it right, like you're you're gone. You know what, maybe we could we could have you saved or something. I don't know somebody. I don't. I don't grow up with religion, so I don't know how that works. Yeah, you might have to find God. Go you can find God. Yeah I did. I have to say. When I was married, the shadiest dream I ever had was that I had joined the Bachelor franchise and I had a dream that

said to me, aren't you married? And in the dream and by the way, uh, nothing untoward happened in like we were friends, just had a good run. It didn't work out, but um, I had a dream. In my dream I said, I'm not not married. It's what That's what I seven. They're like, are you married? And that was the shadiest thing that I think I've ever constructed in my brain is dreaming that I joined the season and I said, I'm not not married. You're quite innocent.

I'm not not married. I'm not not married. You can join now, I can join? Now? Do they want an adult lady? A divorce adult? Titia was divorced, Yeah, she was. I was. I was working on a sitcom for NBC and COVID killed it. We were six days out from filming,

but the sets were built multi camp film. The whole thing fully car six days own and then like the head of NBC got fired another I'm sorry, but I had written about five or six episodes, and one of the episodes I had a bachelor episode where I was the sitcom started off with my mom dying and my dad moving in with me, which happened in my real life for a bit. And uh and so so I was going to put my dad on Seniors Bachelorette. Yeah.

I was calling it the Widower or something, right, because I think that, like I think old people are like like whenever whenever a woman dies, because men normally die first. Yeah, yeah, whenever they're hot commodities. There was pies getting dropped on. If you're in a time and Billy, do all the women show up like all right, we've got one, yeah, commodity. The men are always been older, they die, there's plenty available.

So it was going to be, Um, he was going to be the widower and there's going to be all these women show up and they were going to give him anywhere. It turns out they've got this in the fucking world. But they've been threatening that for years and they haven't aired it yet. And you knew need to you need to apply him. Did he have a girlfriend? My my father's a he does not have a girlfriend.

You're saying, I stand a chance. From what I could tell with my dad, legalized prostitution is in Australia and he's quite content with that. Just to see him out until he goes good. You know what it feels a hole, I mean like it does like he uh. He said, there's some things about my my I should I say this and that? So my my my father. Every time I see me, he wants to tell me things about his life, you know, things that you know, wants to

get things off his chest. And he tried to tell me a story that was inspirational about and he told the story in front of my wife. I have a witness. And when you when you when your brother was born, you your mother she couldn't have kids. You had to have corrective surgery. Her uterus was like a figure eight and and they corrected that and she had your brother and then they said it's not very good shape down there. If you want to have another kid, do it quickly.

And so they had your other brother, right, and then we went to get a chumstae because my dad thinks that persectimies means that he couldn't come. I found that out as well, which is weird, right, So yeah, it's like, give a posect of me. What are you making your wife get your anyway? So so he goes, he goes, he goes. Then we went to get a tums done and the doctor said, don't worry about it. This thing is never carrying a baby again. It's all done. It's

all done. I can't believe I'm telling this story. This is the right three women, all right. So then he goes, he goes. Anyway, your mother will always wanted a daughter, and then you came. She was very, very disappointed when you were born. You wouldn't she wouldn't unwrap the blanket for two weeks, didn't I see the peters, And I'm like, I'm like, he goes anyway, the doctor, the doctor gave gave birth here and then I didn't come in for

the first two boys. Wasn't the way? And then by the time you were born, men were in the delivery room. But I thought, I've gone this far without seeing that. I'm not going to do it this time. So the doctor comes out, he goes, I'm in the hallway and the doctor's sassman. He comes up to me and he goes, and this is the point of my dad's story, kids, trying to make your feel it's already a fun ride along the way. He goes, this boy is made for big things. He goes. There, there's no way a child

should have survived in there. He goes, this boy is destined for greatness. And I thought that was the end of the story, right, And I was like, oh, that's nice, your dad. And then he goes, that doctor must have liked me, he goes, because your mother, you never she didn't look like much your mum, but she she had a bloody, magical pussy yours. And he and he goes, and he goes and he goes, and that doctor sussman, he must have liked me, because it got tighter and

tighter after each kid. Bloody and my and my my pregnant wife is sitting next to me while my dad tells us this inspirational story and I'm just like, se, so you were worried about that, So that's good to know got to fly himself. And so I ring up my brothers and I just told me that mom had a magical pussy And then and then and then like

I'm with my brother actually told him in person. I said, Dad told me yesterday Mom had a magical pussy, all right, And he's like, he's like, he's like, shut up, and bloody did it? My wife's in the bathroom. I timed it perfectly. And then she walked out of the bathroom. She's, yeah, drawing her hands or whatever. Right and uh and uh and I go and she you didn't say that. I said, what what did dad say? My mother's pussy was like? And she went magical? Oh my god, all right, we're

back in Um. Wow, that's a really beautiful story. I'm sorry you got to this side. I loved it. I love you know when you're in a tale and you know where it's heating. And then you guys were up. You were laughing hard because my mother wouldn't unwrap the blanket. Got it gets a bit worse. No, no, no, I know. I feel like every story I tell a rascal. You

are a rascal. And that's where I like you. I feel like every story I tell, particularly like when you take me out and about I get I get social anxiety and so like I'll start telling a tale and I'll know that it gets sort of dark towards the end, but then it's too late. I've already started telling it. If you're like with a group of people, and then you have to sort of commit and that I feel like, that's the story of my life. A lot of my stories about my family and stuff like that. And I'm

always like, I'm good at telling stories. I'm a static comedians, so i know how to tell the story. But I'm always in danger of being that relative that talks about a cousin that you don't remember. You know, Susan once she's married to the guy who used to be the builder. He used to be a builder. Who's this playing? Anyways? As soon as it left a job, I have to say it is I just went home for a month. When was the last time you, I guess Australia. I

just I just went to Australia. I was meant to do a big tour and okay, so I was meant to do a big tour and I had to do and I was doing a documentary for Netflix for the tour, and um, I went into two weeks quarantine where you know, couldn't leave my hotel room. They have a security guy for every four rooms that just sort of stands there. He had food delivered to you. We had a hotel room. We couldn't even open the window. Two weeks we're stuck in there. Then we got out of quarantine. They got

fifty cases. All the gigs were canceled and I flew home. No, and that's why I saw my brother. That's where the magical pussy happened. That's you know, that was worth the trip to hear about the magical pussy. I don't know. This is this is this. This is the first time I've told that story in any public forum. And I'm thinking about talking about it on stage, but I don't. I don't know because my dad. My dad told me

a lot of stories. There's like hours of stories. And he said to me afterwards, he goes the next day, he goes, maybe you can use some of them in your stand up. And obviously he woke up the next day like, oh, I don't want him talking about this, and so he said to me, he goes with all those stories, he goes. When I used to watch comedians when I was a young fellow, he goes, they never

mentioned the person's name. You just say, there's a fella I know who would know about your Yeah, yeah, there's a feller I know whose wife had a magical pussy, Like what is it? You know he's like he's like those old communites used to just tell old standard juxon. There was a bloke from our town, right, I mean he used to get up to no good. I have to say, I think you should talk about it on stage. I feel like looking at I feel like, look at Anna's face. Anna does not know you. And Anna was

dying for the first time. My mom, who I never saw as a sexual being in anyway, Your mom is getting a little bit of fucking kudos for us had something offer to bring to the table. Can I just say I would be flattered if somebody I mean, I'd be flattered that. I'd be flattered, Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. If if someone was doing a routine about me having a magical dick, I'd be like, yeah, you can tell

it if you want it. John Mayer, remember John Mayer said that Jessica Simpson, what did he call he called he was there was some word that basically was like, it's the equivalent of what your dad's said. Like something that was like and I feel like it's vulgaring out and about but like there is something like it's not the worst rumor to have about yourself, like a bobcat in the sack. It's not the worst thing to be said.

We're gonna we got we gotta get back to the xit. Okay, we're gonna take a quick break and we'll come back with the actual shout. Oh my god, they did not, Oh yes they did, and we're back. All right, here's the deal. What's hometowns? Greg? I felt like his mom was in love with him. Greg. I felt like he when he's good, he's good. But when he's moody, I think she should kick him to the curb because I

think his weather patterns are too extreme. I think he's right though, that she he's not the front runner of the whole thing, and that he can sense it. I feel like he is the front runner. And then I can't look at you. I can't look at you that I feel like he fel I feel like, yeah, I feel like he was just wanting her to say, let's run away, but like Claire did it with dial like you I know, but she clares him what are we gonna do they We're gonna have fantasy sweets. I'm gonna

make love to you. No one wants to be made love to do I know even no one's ever organys you can stop by make and love you never finished that way. I know what he said, make love to you. I was like yeah, like like like even even if he said and then we're gonna be intimate or something like that, but Mike loved you because then I'll make

love to you. That was like when nick Vale and Andy and then afterwards like I made love to you, like when he when he outed her on the after the final roles, He's like, I made we made of and yeah. That was when nick Faile got in trouble and then she got like slight shame that they've had sex, which was crazy crazy, the bloody fantast sweeks for can I every year they throw us a virgin, they're not gonna win. I know, I know that we know that Carlton what is the Carlton what's his name? Carlton was

meant to be a virgin, but Culton was gay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and so that's why he was I suspect maybe the religious guy. No I know the guy that not might be the one this season who sort of looked like a young, clean Eastward. Yeah, he might be as well, because it's like, what's your big hang up on the whole thing? When he said he never even masturbated during the whol who challenge, that's when I had sort of

a red flag. I had a friend who hadn't until he was twenty something, and we all got together and said, well, you have to do it. You don't come back into this group until you have. Yeah, it's we eat a last Yes. And did he love it? Yeah, Now he does it on the regular. But people don't want to masturbate. I don't. I think Mike was just super religious. I just he did come out and say that he's slipped up and had oral sex. Yeah he's no, he's I

think he. I think he masturbated. I think he just was saying like maybe he didn't do it as much, or like he didn't I don't know. I didn't know what I mean, because yeah, he did say he's done other things, but have sex. But you've got a tribe before your boy. You can't marry a that's ridiculous if you have to have sexual chemistry. No, no silly, yeah, yeah, no, absolutely absolutely, Like if my dad didn't know that pussy was magic, you wouldn't be sitting here. So there's three boys,

no sisters. You're the baby. I read an evolutionary theory, um, and I'm having another son right now that that if you're really like fit, if you're like a boxer or an athlete or something like that, you'll have girls because evolution was because the cave men and stuff like that, you can protect them. If you're slovenly like me, you'll have boys because they won't need protection. So maybe if I worked out a little bit more. My my wife wanted a girl, was so she wanted to go, wanted

to go on and go. And then it was like we did link a zoom. Um, we did a zoom gender Reville. And my wife had found out five minutes earlier than me, and she'd filled the balloon with the confetti, and all I had to do was pop it in

front of her family. My family didn't give a toss and there there's loads of grandkids on mine, and so all I had to do was pop this balloon and have all the confetti come out like that, and my wife handed me to the hand of the balloon like this there you go, just like look what you did. I'm like this, Oh, I wonder what this me? She's so and then like so I went popp and this blue and fetty fellow on me. I was like everyone

you eve enjoyed the show. So but I know I have a friend who had He was trying for a girl. It was their third one, and they were all excited and they went in to find out and he literally his wife like literally screamed like in the like I think they were filming it and they had to delete it so their son didn't ever see it. And I wanted to go just because she wanted to go. I didn't mind either way. My my son's the nicest little

lad you've ever met in the world. So it's like, you know, if I have another one of them, I'm happy, nice boy. But I don't know. My my mother went mental after not having a girl, started collecting porcelain dolls because she wanted to. There's nothing girly about the house, was just she was living with four men. She just was done with the whole thing. She entered the doll yeah, there, combing them like this is. Can I just say, just circling back, I cannot believe that, Thomas, because I can't

stay here discuss who you think is. I cantieve Thomas ruined your season for you and it's so, it's so, but I love he told me something happened in the in the show that never aired that he said, when should because you know how she was very big on the um such as such, can you come up here and then looked like they're about to give a rose and going what you did was unbelieved. She did twice where she brings. Allegedly she threw his rose against the

wall Thomas's or something as he left. But I think maybe that made her look a bit tantry. So they cut out because they always, as you said, they always edit the bachelor bachelotte to Yeah, they have to protect them. Yeah, wow, that's she looked not great when she did the weird like you think you catler whatever she's like. I was like, Okay, it wasn't that bad. Yeah, what Thomas did? I feel sorry for him because I think I think of them feel that way. They do. Don't to say he was

good enough to be honest, but it's like he's like this. Yeah, it did cross my mind that I could be the Bachelor, because who wouldn't want to be the bachelor of the Bachelor. I would love to be the Bachelor, And also who doesn't come on that show for that reason? I would love to be the bachelorette. We'll just fighting. Oh my god, I would love it. I would love Alright, you're buying rug me and then you have to take your kid off.

But my fear would be that I would be the first Bachelor where all the women went like, there's got to be a season coming where they all just turned their back on the I know, I know, I know they're starting to do it more. They're starting to like tap out. I mean this season. Now I feel badly for her because I do think she's there like looking for a husband, and I feel badly for it. Now, I can't talk to you about this. Here's the thing, Jim.

I'm going to put in a request because I think you're a delight and I would very much like to break down an episode of Bachelor in Paradise with you. Watch it, you can't read any spoilers. I'll watch it. I haven't, I haven't. I'll watch it, Okay, because we'd like to have you on and break down an episode and guests and guess who pairs up. You'll have fun because and your wife will be so happy his thing. Okay, So, so Katie what we call it Katie Katie Katie Katie

um because she's sex positive. Yes, yes, she doesn't half bring it up all the fucking time. It's like, I know, I know there's nothing wrong. No one, no one, no one is. No one has ever been angry at a bachelor of a bachelor consistent for not fucking yeah, no one's ever been angry like funk that person. That's not what I signed up for. And she's just like, I'm sex positive and I think it's apparent. Okay, it is, of course it is. You should be sex positive, but

just mention the once. No, it is truely just ABC can't believe a woman on the vibrator. Also, what we've realized that these people aren't entertaining. No, they're not stand up comedians, not ready to go with the with the jokes. And it's like I even like a good talent contest on the other when they when there's always a bloke who's just like, oh, it's the talent contest is it? Oh how did this guitar get here? And it's a very very prepped fucking song. That guy the teacher, the

full circle of the teacher. How do you think they get contestants? Okay, people, sure you've talked about this a million times, Well, people, you can. I think people apply, people submit their friends. But then I do think that they like scroll like Instagram, and so I do this in Instagram. They go to bodybuilding competitions because remember Christian was at like a bodybuilding conference. Well that's what Thomas. They hit him up on Instagram. They did because didn't

Alex didn't our Russian accountant, Alex didn't they come for him. Yeah. And then also remember my friend who I went to college with, who was on it, and they said he said he was buying headphones in Venice and they just looked up to Will's Wills. I wonder if for the guys, I wonder if maybe they're trolling for guys because they feel like it's all the guys that I feel like. Maybe the ladies. I think the ladies apply. I did the ladies apply, and then like Jeb and all that

type of stuff. I think because that season they had like three blokes from Nashville who's sang so Josh went through Nashville one weekend. Someone one of the producers was on a bachelorie party and just stopped off and just went, I'll get yourself as a business trip. That guy, Remember Jeff was also he was a stripper. He was in a mail review Jim. Yeah, yeah, it was Chip. He was like Chippendales, but it was like country ship. I once, I gotta find you the photo I once showed up two.

I had a sitcom idea which was about me being a member of the Thunder from down Under, which I am obsessed, which is one of the hardest shows I've ever laughed. Was going to the Thunder from down a bit of a bit of the fifty Shades of Good Day. That's a nice bit. And so so right, this sitcom and this sitcom like I sold it and everything that I never saw the light of day. Obviously, I I um, I went to the actual show. Now, the all the Australian blokes, they found out I was in the room.

I'm quite popular in Australia and and so I am. I'm gonna make that photo come up afterwards with the with the Thunder from down Under. The guys will sit there just in their jeans, and woman after woman comes and sits on their lap and they get their little souvenir photos. I have a picture of that I showed. I showed up, stood in the background, and not a single person noticed that I wasn't a member from the Thunder,

and they all got their photos. Now, I think you'll be able to tell very quickly which one I am. Will you texting me that? Oh my god? That is um spectacular? Yeah, And it's like I had the jeans on it, everything, I was ready to go, and it's like they were all in on the joke, dude, even just like the lack of the spraytail, just like a natural coloring. I was just yeah, just a pale fellow.

And and the girls she would have gotten home, gotten the photo just an hour later, just just looked at the photo and just going what your front and center, not even hiding in the background, posing front and center. A little peak of boom, a little big boo. How do you do? Did were any of them really Australian New Zealand? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like there are

all these blikes and steroids that if hanging out. They work out all day and then they pick up women at not and then they go back and they work out all day and do this show. Then they pick up a couple of girls from the show. And that's the circle of the Dies. I'm going to tell you the story and the Excalibur of old places, the Excalibur,

which is spectacular. Okay, So I went and I was on a show and we dragged one of the super horny straight male writers to it, who did not want to go to the show, but we were in there. We were in Vegas shooting something. We had a night off, and we dragged this guy to the Thunder from down Under. He was I wanted to be anywhere of it there, and so he went into the restroom beforehand, and they don't have a dressing room. So the guys are in there like applying eyeliner and stuff like that, and then

they make eye contact the mirror. He and my friend Brian. The guy goes and then he raises into the restroom and has like explosive diarrhea right before the show starts, like immediately before the show starts, and then he comes out. He was like grinding and like lap dancing. The women like he literally like they were like getting dressed. The guy like eye contact explosive and it was like I was I laughed so hard. I thought I was gonna puncture,

like I couldn't get it together. And he's like that's the guy. Like that guy like like blowout and how he was probably taking the laxatives to stay thin for you. Sure, Forest is calling for you. Here we go. Sorry, I'll just get me friend, Forest, alright, Forest, hy Hey, I'm just on a podcast right now talking about the Bachelor. What did the guy wh in backstage looked like in

San Diego? I mean it was funny, he was stunning. No, I just I came back in the green and you're there, and I don't know, I don't know what was going on. I was very attractive man there. All right, that I'll call you afterwards, but thanks for thanks for the confirming what I said. All Right, Jim Jeffries, Can I just say you are a gg delight. I don't know. I didn't want to hold you house. No, I got nothing to do. I'm going to Palm Springs today, Like you're like,

I gotta I gotta get out. I got my thing. No, I just don't want to hit the four o'clock traffic. You know, I get it. I'm happy to leave in the early afternoon. No, you are so honestly. When you email me, I couldn't believe you watched it, And then I couldn't believe you haven't been a part of this the whole time I listen. I listened to one of your podcasts, and I, um, I thought I'd like to be in a Bachelor. I want to. I want you

to be on the rigs. Now, we're gonna have you, Okay, all right, so we're gonna have you do a Paradise one rookie for the Paradise season. We always have a rookie of the season. What do you mean a rookie of the season meaning that you haven't watched a full season yet, so we'll get your take. Yeah. I watched a little bit of the Chad one where he was just smashing things. That was fun when he said and when he was like, fuck you, Chris Harrison, go at

your mimosas and your room, suck you, Chris Harrison. And then apparently he also shot himself. Apparently, Yeah, he shot and he shipped himself. He himself because I know he's like a realistate agent and it's like what fun you know what he does? He know what he does. He did this in front of Chris Harrison's house. He did so he rents a hummer that was Jojo and oh yeah, Jojo and Jojo and what's his name he bought? He like lease is a hummer and he's like, fuck you,

Jordan's Rogers and Jojo I he films himself. He parks a harmer in front of their property and he films himself like boning in a hummer right outside their door and posted on like only fans and that's how he

makes his money. And Psycher, yeah, like that's how he gets even as he like parks a hormmer, like if he was mad at you, he'd parked a car outside your harmer outside your house and just like it's his girlfriend, just do it together and they just like that's like what he was like he was He's basically like you'll never not have that on your front stoop, like like that's his revenge is he's like boning on your doors. Sometimes there's villains though that I think right, No, this

one was dangerous. Chad was not good. Chad was the worst of the worst. He was a nasty But I looked up where he worked and there was like some Beverly Hills like real estate type of thing. I'm like, what the funk who employed this guy? And like you may know him from reality to UV, but he's one

of our greatest. So it's like him in a suit, like one of those pack bench type of pictures when he was whistling in the woods, when he was whistling in the woods and he was like, life's not all blueberries and paper planes like that was he was really scary. I didn't mind that girl who the two twins sort of teamed up on. She was a blonde girl. I think they just edited a badly and they left her on an island they went on the double. Yeah, they

hated Olivia. Olivia. I know she got the first impression Rose. I think she got a bad rap. Think I agree with you. I think because yeah, she I agree with you. I think she's been on subsequent like they've had her back and she said that her life like that she had to go to serious therapy, like it was really hard for her to be the therapy she was really hard for her to be the villain. It's tough when you get that edit. I think that's tough for you

because you know how people are online. Oh yeah, come for you, They come for you, they come for you. Yeah. I know. I'm starting to believe that maybe this TV show isn't healthy for these like like they all like, we got a fun love and how many successes have we got? Now Paradise, the Paradise, Paradise and that a little weedy guy who was like who had the erectional direcked all this function company. They broke up. No, they had a kid, two kids, two kids, car and we

met them in Nashville. I know, I know they were really cute. I felt because she because she didn't like him, she didn't like him, she didn't like him. And then I know I loved it. That was the same as the Chad season, you see because he also because I know, because he faked going an injury to go to the hospital in Mexico. He faked was so weird. The fact that that worked. How about Ashley, I and dared she

she you missed its? God, I can't wait for You're gonna love Paradise I so, I think this season is going to be great. Everyone's like cooping coop. I want to say to you that I also didn't want to watch it. I was like, why would I watch it? I have a life. I watched the other I don't. It's not like I don't get it, and I feel like you can have too much of this show. No, no, no, no, I'm promising you it's the best show on television. I saw the promos for The Australian When how's that going?

The guys like a rocket signist or something. He's like a nerdy guy. We watched that. Matty J No, Matti j was before that, this guy Matt This was Matt Agnew, Matt Agnew. I tell you what, if any Australian people are listening, I'll do the TV spot. I'll do the host because it's got to be the easiest fucking job in TV. I actually said. I met Chris Harrison and David Space Show and I said that to him. I said, fucking easiest gig in the world. And you have one

more rows, There'll be no more roses this evening. And then and then you sort of walk away because Tatia and this other go. They're fucking hopeless. They're not in my opinion. Maybe you think they're wonderful, but I think you need a separate person who's detached to isn't a contest I agree with you. Who can ste person one person slightly above the whole thing, a little bit older yet o yeah, that's detached from the whole thing, that like other contestants aren't trying to bang right, you know

what I mean? To feel like Rob Benedict would be a great host because he's easy to talk to, he's compassionate, he's fun, he's cute, like but you have to be like, what's going on? But yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a little older that maybe has kids in a family, or you know, want someone who's too old so that when the women's shops like oh coming to my room? Yeah yeah, yeah, you know what I mean. But you want just a bloke who seems to be a steady,

killed sort of reckon. I'd be good on the Australian one. I reckon just to talk down. They come in here, mate, what's happened to you? Jim here? You got you gotta beats? I know when Jim walked in, I knew something was New Zealand. Their host is a guy who used to be the Bachelor, so I think you could be. New Zealand was fun to the guys. There's so many tattoos in New Zealand. All they have like neck tattoos, a sleeves. There's like, I mean, we're talking like huge tattoos everywhere

theo like ben affle, like back tattoos, that tattoo. Fuck. When you got back with she must have just taken hike and he showed up and she went, well, let's change in twenty years. I have to tell you, I love it. I feel like it's her best revenge. Like, okay, a rod, Like what's the one person that could get like a rod? Blew it with a star of Southern charm allegedly and like the bat like they're just like

boning all over the Amalfi Coast. I love I did um fallon once And the other guy was Jennifer Ghana And she was the most like one of the most delightful celebrities I ever met. She is the sweetest, she seems so sweet. She's so stunning too. She was so she was so nice and and she she uh, we had to go out and do one of those um competitions at the beginning where you know, eat food or whatever like that you gotta guess what you're eating or box.

Jennifer Garner your dick, like the Bachelorette, and she goes, have you got anything prepared for this? I me neither, and she goes, she guys, uh, she guys, well, let's just do this together. And she linked omes with me and she wrote me down. I felt like a kid guy to the problem with. I was like cool. When they had to take ben Affleck to the to rehab and she like stopped. There's all these like paparazzi podos of her stopping getting him fast food before rehab, and

I was like, that's a nice person. Taking to Carl, You're like, all right, here's your BURGERA like you love cocaine or whatever, Like let's get to your nice double Baker burger. We'll take it away here. Yeah, that's nice. You're on your journey. Yeah, because you're inside, I don't think and rehab they give you the best food. They should, they should. You're having a hard time. You're Johnson, who I don't know about you, but things are getting so hot in here. I think I gotta take I'll pit

your break. It was that episode after they've just been in Alice Springs in Australia where that's was the final episode. I remember what season it was, but they were in Alice Springs, which is a fucking blowflies the size like

like the size of marbles. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, and and hundred and twenty degrees right, that's right, no shade there, yeah, And it's just like I said to him, I said to him off camera, I said, that place is fucking horribly because oh, that was the worst thing we've ever done from We Couldn't fall in love between the hours of eleven and four. It looked awful. It looked absolutely awful.

And then no good hotels out there any because because you know, it's always the town that pays for them, because they always have to because you're you said you your husband's from Cleveland. Do you have that episode where they when Cleveland and they were all like running in the rot and then like the running they could do was like soap box racing. And he was watching that, He's like, what are they gonna do here? Yeah? That was skipping by the Rock and Roll Hall of time.

I remember when they were like Delawares for loves, the weird places, like they went to Deadwood, remember that, like they it was like outside of like where was that the bad land? Actually I out left um, but they airlifted out of there. And the woman that Mary may not have killed her husband, but they always they always do where they've got the champagne and they go the rose ceremonies over people have left, they mixed the motion, lost some people and then they go they go to

True Love and then they all chink chink True Love. Yeah, and then it's like this and then we're off to Delaware and they're like everyone just looks at each other like fucking and we get to do this for free. I'm finding love and seeing the world Delaware. I guess just got a Delaware. You tell me when they're like

when they went they started it. Never call in Pennsylvania, They're like, never call in and like that same hot time if you recalled the mean that jojo that they did do the woodpowered hot top of that marine, the shirtless but when that was a tool, Yeah, I forget what give it a dick to us? In Nashville, Cancelman was like can I got my Luke Bell day of canceled on us for Zany's and then I was like, could I get all my like all my friends into the show. I was like, bro, you just you're in Texas.

You've confirmed yesterday there in the show. You didn't know you were gonna be in Texas, like I'm in Nashville. Anyway. Yes, they when they went to remember the like Pennsylvania, and then they flew into like a biplane when they visited Australian. Now I'm very proud Australian. It's a wonderful country to visit if you've never been. Go. We've got great Barry Rich,

got Sydney Harbor with exotic cities. We've got beaches on beaches, we have Koalas, we have fucking it's things to say in a stri One of those things isn't Alice Springs. And that's that's the only thing they alan Springs is the nearest city. It's a town is Rock all Arue. Let's call LaRue. Now Rock is cool. The Rock is cool. But they didn't visit the Rock. They go on a helicop. Well yeah, I don't. I know. There's like, like you're not allowed to do certain things at the Rock right

back then you could. Only in the last year you can't walk on it anymore. That's the only thing. You know. There's certain things. Yeah, well there you can't funk on it. I don't know if you're allowed to drag yourself out while your ound. I just was like protections. But yeah, the Rock was cool, but the rest of it, I don't know. They I want to say they need to win though they need This show needs a win because

think about it. Yeah, and like in a weird way, Ari is like the biggest success that's happened, and he was a disaster, like but now he's got babies with that Rachel and Brian. But that's been a while. I mean, that's been a few years, you know, and we've had like think about we had Colton jumping the fence and then like stalking Wells. Wells, Well, he didn't show. That's just his private life. His private life is doing well. But then you have like they're the endings have been

women like Wells. I don't see it. I don't get what's going on. My wife, My wife likes Wells. I don't know what's going on. He's so adorable in real life, he's really he's a regional radio DJ. Fuck me, say you stand it's higher than that, bloody you know you're right. Okay,

you're right. But again, like with the Bachelor, like you meet him in real life, he's handsome, all right, maybe in real life, maybe in real life, but there's also like I think a lot of women liked him because he was kind of more like normal looking, like he's not super about the talking head store. Yeah. I always think when I was younger, so you've got to be in your twenties really to do it. So I was the twenty twenty years ago, would have I done? All right?

And the answer is still not. Don't better now than I would have done years I've been a confidence now that I would do better now. I would do better now. They should have it for like people in their forties, Like I don't understand why they don't, Like I think it would be a very entertaining shell because you're gonna have people who know who they are is in. Yeah, they knows who they are in are confident because also these people are twenty two, they shouldn't be getting foing married.

Yeah yeah, yeah, no, no, that's the whole thing. Yeah, yeah, it's like I found the love of my love. You know you did twenties seven. Just focus on your career and just don't worry about it, and all of a sudden it's it's it's like it's like Claire, you know, alder woman dining a younger man. She's not old by any stretch, she's seven seven by any stretch the imagination. But if if she wanted kids, din't waste your tarme

with diale. Dint waste your tar with diale. That's not that's gonna that's gonna white some prime years there and then. But you're ready to think about how gorgeous her chemicals got so jangled? Are we not yet? Dale? If Dale just masturbating in a cup would produce a nice looking child, I mean he's a bit. You've got to find the picture of him with the baby. Google Google baby baby Beord Dale swaddle. How did you meet your wife? I

met my wife. She doesn't like to say, she doesn't like people knowing, But okay, I've never seen the dating app. I've never been My most experience finally went on about I would say maybe four or five dates with different people.

Would you go to like dinner and stuff. Yeah, I went to dinner with a couple of people and I what I found out was I had missed a beat because I've been with the same person for five years before that, and then before I'd missed to beat where women didn't they don't like you, not all, but like they don't like you ringing them up. I'm I'm I'm a terrible text and I'm dyslexic. I can never get a text like a caveman. I'm just like me here seven o'clock. I mean, I just don't. I don't display

myself well in text. I just don't. So I try to. I'm a good talkers, so I try to ring up and have a bit of a chat with you. Also, I'm of the school that that if I ring and have a talk to you and we don't get along doing that, yeah, then I'm not going to bother with the actual physical date. I think that's nice. I like that. And so I you know, so you meet on these apps, your text back and forth, it's like, hey, we should

go out. Sometimes I kept on bringing my wife up, like I don't know anything about this person, I'll talk to her, And she was just like talking to her friends, Like he's really weird. He keeps trying to call. I just want to get a five minute chat if we like each other, that's nice. I see that. So I think I missed a dating beat there. I think that

people don't do that. No, nobody, Like I had a friend who I mean, he's married now, but like years ago he he would be like scared to call a woman, and I was like, well, you have to talk to them in person when you're I like, I would rather talk to something on the phone before I did. With FaceTime, you can actually, I think, then you can't call yourself

up in TI. I don't look good on FaceTime. I'm much better in person than I don't look great reversed, like I don't great, Miss Salfie, like my bone structure doesn't quite work like in reverse and in FaceTime is in reverse. It's the same reason I don't tweet. I'm not funny. When I just write something and there's something, I gotta have a little twinkle in the eye or some intonation or something to be fake. Otherwise often what

I'm saying, he's just offensive. Yeah, I mean so, so I like to have a little bit of a chap, but I can talk under water me. So I went on a date with this, this one girl Fryer, and she was really she was an actress, quite quite, not a super popular just but if I said she was, you could find out that she's pretty quickly, really pretty girl, well out of my league. And I went on a couple of dates with that, and I went to that

she just had nothing to say. Nothing. If you can't have a chat with me, I can talk on the fucking water me. I'll do I'll do all the heavy lifting, just just laugh along or just interject or whatever. I'll ask you questions about you and I'll try to bounce it. But she just so So I went on the first day with that, and I thought this, this isn't, This isn't working out. But she was so pretty that I

was like, I'll give her another day. But this time I invited her to I was doing a show, and I thought that would be a good buffle because there'll be other comedians there and I can chat to them. Yeah, and you know, and I wasn't. I wasn't inviting her along to a show that I'm doing an hour on stage. It's yes, if I could sit there. I was doing ten minutes so we could do the show Poppy in

come out. Maybe I could impress her. And then so it turned out on that show there was loads of friends of mine that were in the dressing and sometimes that doesn't happen other other kings, and and so she had nothing to say. So I just started chatting with the comedians and stuff like that. And then at the end of the day I dropped her off, like and that's that, you know what I mean, Like, I'm not doing this anymore. Nice enough person, but there's nothing going

on here. And then she goes, she goes, she text me and she goes, I want to go on another date with you, But I wanted to be more like the first date because the second day you just took me out to meet your friends, and I thought that was too soon. And the first date was great because we just talked and talked and talked, and I'm like,

what fucking date were you on? I fell back in the day was just again as I re entered the dating pool, I found back in the day, I can talk to most people, and I can ask questions, and I'm curious and that most guys like don't ask you any questions. So we will go out and I can keep the conversation flowing. But then like they feel like they had the best date ever because they just like

talked about themselves all night. But they will just have asked not one question, you know, So it's an interesting I don't. I had a friend who everyone he was a bit dull, and everyone she's a great girl. Is she a great girl? Everyone? And then knowing it for years, I realized that I knew nothing about her. Her secret was that she just showed up the parties and asked everyone else about themselves. That's a wonderful. Yeah, that's it. I think that might be a secret, and I think

it works long term. No, no, no, no, it's yeah, it's an interesting. I will be curious. I will be curious if I re enter this to see if anybody ask questions I did any thing now, because I know I talked about myselves too much that when I'm meeting new people, I go like this when I up the parties. Even say to my wife, now, I go, if I'm not asking enough questions, can you pull me aside and say ask more questions? My wife, you're talking about yourself too much, and I'll be like, Okay, what do you

do for a living, Brian? And then I'm like and then I'd like to listen to Brian sting like fun, Brian's boring, Brian so much more. When I was talking about myself the whole time, about you, Brian, about me, I'm a professional storyteller. These stories are amazing. I got a fucking story for you, Brian. Brian Well, I have to say, Jim Jefferies, I so happy to have you back in my life. I am excited have you make eyes and I look forward to bringing you into Paradise.

And I had so much fun working with you before I did it at the best time. I was really sad that when Legit didn't go I really Legit. Legit didn't get enough credit. It was really good. It was I think it represented disabled people better than any show has ever done. I had so many and not in a forced way or the type of thing. And I'm not taking credit for that because that just so happened to have happened in my own life that it was easy to write about. But yeah, I look, Brad Pitt

watches Legit. He does he does Wow, He'll be like, I know you. You were getting lowered down onto you were you were the size quest was the size quick? I got an end with Brad Pitt m DJ DJ. DJ came out at one of my gigs, which which he documented. He tweeted about it, and I knew he came out. I didn't know it was at your game.

He was at my gig in the winter and I was telling a story about him and and I said, I have a gay friend, and was a story about something that the night out that me and DJ had and and DJ was in the wing and he just sort of decided he came out in the stage. He just walked out from the wing and he just waved it everyone like it's me, and the audience just sort of w and I was like, this is the audience. This is how little people watch my sitcom. Yeah, from

there on stage, people have come to see me. And I'm like, you know that guy was from my sitcom, skinny guy from road Trip that. Yeah, I hear people like there to see you and then they're like what do I know to see me? Like, I don't know, what have you seen? What? No? Not that DJ. I think he's lost his virginity more on film than any person in history. I think he owned as a record for they always is bring him in for the virgin as DJ, and then it's Johnny Pemberton, and then the

female was Kate. I think Kate mccouchee, right, I think it's Kate mccouchee, Johnny Pemberton and DJ qauls. He lost his virginity on my show to me, no, he lost in the brothel, okay, but then he lost He lost his virginity to my son's mother is how I met her. So that was how that all went down. So that TV show cost me a lot of money. It's like a buffet for you, grant Um. Well, Jim, what would you like to plug? I got a tour coming up

and got the Moist Tour. It's called it just a bit of fun truly, his stand up is so fucking funny. He is hilarious. I cannot And what's your podcast? I have? I have a podcast called I don't know about that, which I would invite you on, but sadly, well, there is the thing is the podcast that what happens to the podcast is we bring an expert on, normally a doctor or a scientist or something like that, and they mentioned something whether like we had an episode a couple

of weeks ago, are mosquitoes? And then I get asked questions and I have to say everything I know about mosquitoes, and then the expert corrects me and then we actually learn about the actual thing. So it's a little bit like how do they make it type of a podcast where and we have a different subject for each one. So I think I think this week, Oh, I don't know what it is this week anyway. Um So, so a lot of friends, I wanted a podcast where I

didn't bother comedians all the time. You know. I had people who are excited to be on a podcast because sometimes when you're a person who's an expert in rocks, you don't get asked on a lot of different things. Yeah, yeah, yeah, And so so I was about to say, well, you can't come to the podcast because you're not an expert. I can't tract and designed my own house. You're an expert in the Bachelor. I'm an expert in the Bachelor. Can come? Can come on the podcast. I'm an expert

on the Bachelor. I actually know a little bit about that. But yeah, no, my co host who knows everything, and he's got all the questions in the computer at Forest, do we just okay? Great? Because and Forest is a bachelor virgin he doesn't want so we can figure out what about went Forest. It's just taken back by the handsome man in the dressing room, gorgeous Gageus. He was like, this guy is gorgeous. I love what's happening here? Thomas.

He was just like, yeah, I started really good, and then I become like a villain just for telling the truth. There's no accountability. I don't think he's the sharpest knife from the drum. Maybe maybe handsome when you're that good looking, who cares? Did just he was just too honest. I think I know I with you. He was super nice when I met him. He was just too beautiful. That's it. Must sister brought him. I am and be like, well done, believe but I have a sister. Yeah, we know about

the magical pussy. Oh the sadness that no one got to inherit it. They're one and my mom was upset for having sons all the time. No one ever got to pass on the magical pussy. All we had was my dad's shitty dick. Just think about all those dolls though, who knows what was happening with those dolls. Well, then we're in the processes and my mother passed away. So when the processes of figuring out what to do with them, hundreds of the some of them might be worth something.

We don't want some dog like that coming in and ripping us off. No, yeah, I don't want Jim Jeffrey by Adult collect Or not again. Got to go on Antique Road Show. Me, I got to go on Antique Road Show a thousand times back with Molly. Yeah, Shirley Temple doll looks great. You could build a whole career. Your next stage of your career is you're the guy from Antique Road the dolls. I watched Antique Right Show. I try to get what things are I've never seen in my life, and now I like how they go.

And this cabinet here is worth twenty thousand dollars and that's like two thousand and twelve, and I go, that's dropped in value down. Yeah. Our friend who does the Australia podcast with us accidentally is the newest cast member on Storage Wars, and we are obsessed with stories. Was they fill the lockers themselves? No, no, she goes and she's like, it's disgusting. No, no, no, it's not bid. And if you use their own money to bid on these crap lockers and like himmet or something, and yeah,

she does it. She she wasn't like looking to do this and she's on the rigs like she's done like twelve of them. Yeah, that's how you do it. Um, we got to move on with our lives until next week. Jim Jeffreys, here's the deal. You're gonna watch parad you can have a newborn, you're gonna need You're gonna have so much free time, you'll need a distraction. You'll have funked up hours. And then my wife will and then you'll do that, and then you'll come, and then you'll come.

Don't read any spoilers because we're gonna come. Guess how it ends. We're gonna bring you home. We're gonna break down an episode and guess how it ends. All right, Jim Jefferies, you're a g D delight, total fan, So happy that you came, so glad you messaged me, I'll be there to meet me for I thought your texting was fine. Hi Hi, Hi, Come on podcast. He watched Thomas, got to Jim jeffreys dot com for two tickets, Got to Jim Jeffrey's dot com for tour tickets until next time.

We'll be back next week. Goodbye. Oh yeah, I'm gonna get all up. Feels so good. I just gotta wonder when you read this rolls your world? Who rolls into your world? Will you accept this? Rose is a production of I heart Radio. For more podcast on iHeart Radio, visit the I heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.