"LANCO-4-EVA!" With Sarah Colonna! - podcast episode cover

"LANCO-4-EVA!" With Sarah Colonna!

Jan 24, 201842 min
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Episode description

Sarah joins Arden on the set to discuss one of the creepiest things that has ever happened in the woods- LANCO! Horny dudes in Cardigans! Glam-shaming!!!

-Arden thinks Arie speaks like a caveman "Water is awesome."

-Sarah is the only person on earth to actually know one Lanco so

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Transcript

Speaker 1

Hi girl, This new year started, healthy habit taking care of your skin. You find the right skincare routine, you feel confident, you feel ready to go to Malibu, go to a move to a mansion and get hit on by a race car driver slash realtor in a cardigan. Bioclarity is a three step skincare regiment that delivers glowing clear skin by reducing redness and boost your natural confidence.

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and enter my code Rose. Hi guys, it's art and I'm in my hotel in Atlanta, and um, it's going to be sort of an abbreviated podcast today because I have been shooting every day, which is very exciting. Um, but that means it's been hard to actually do the podcast. But I did a short one today with Sarah Kelowna who's on my show with me. We did it in her dressing room and it got caught off at the end,

so my apologies. But the good news is, um, we will be going over anything that was missed this weekend at sketch Fest San Francisco. Sketch Fest this Sunday of four pm at Cobb's Comedy Club. I will be with my girl Aaron, with Secretary of State Pageck Brewster, with creepy uncle Steve Heiner. I will be with Bachelor of the Year Robert Benedict. Anna will be there. I think Katie will be there. But then we will have the hotties.

Russian accountant in ever towhere, teenage ladies, leggings alex We will have the hilarious Dolphin Um the Dolphin slash Shark Alexis, and we have the sexy Sassy Jasmine. Will all be joining us this Sunday, four pm Cobs Comedy Club as part of San Francisco Sketch Fest. You can get tickets on our Facebook page. And at the very end, I will read the I will read the tweets that got cut off in a couple of emails. So thank you for listening. I know it's a shorty today, but we will.

We will work it all out this Sunday and the that podcast will be going up live I believe next Monday. Okay, goodbye, no entering Stockholm. Oh lover, you're coming from the cat yarn O today, from the trailer of a lover friend You accept this room? Hello girl, No, I get it. I'm just saying that's the kind of role realness again. You just you just heard the audio in the most important same song known to man. Hello, my name is Art very welcome to a very special episode of Will

You Accept This Rose. I am here in Atlanta, Georgia, basically on the set. I am in the trailer with will you accept this Rose Podcast favorite she's been on? No I like it. It's so fucking cold out. Um. You might recognize that sultry dulcet tones from Chelsea Lately, but you will soon this August recognize her from the cast of the most important television show next to The Sopranos that has ever happened, The Insatiables, Miss Sarah Colanna Sarah arst hi for. We really spent a weekend together.

We did. We did because we're working on this show together. We went to a drag club to a drag show together, which was amazing. We went to a drag show. We went to a drag show, and we watched football together. We did two very different things. I will say the drag show we got to go with our lovely coworker, Lissa Milana. Turns out every drag queen is named Alyssa

after Alyssa Milana. That's right, That's right. They did say it was after She was a pretty good sport about it, but after the fifteenth I think she was like, all right, I yes, I get it, you're the ball and it was like time to go. When Tony Danza came out in full face contour was Jansen. It was time, because it's time, It's time. And then and then I got to go watch at our co star Dallas Roberts. He hosted gouss So the first football game. Aaron Foley would

be so proud. I can't believe you went this long in life without watching a football game. I've napped to a few football games. I like this roar of the girl. I like to think I'm killing it. My my dad used to watch a lot of sports, but football was the one game that I never understood. So like I can kind of follow tennis, or I could follow soccer or best like, I just don't get the rules. Like we're not a sporty family. Yeah, the rules are confusing.

The rules, but it was so exciting to watch with you and John Ryan, your husband who is the captain of the c L Seahawks. And he let me wear a super Bowl. Let you take a picture with it and wear it as long as you want it. Has he ever worn that? Like early on? Like we wear that well, we make sweet, so we love. Have you made love with the super Bowl right now? I think I have. It's too bulky, both you you don't want that coming to your another region that there's a lot

of there's a lot of metal in there. The first night he got it, I do remember that I passed out with it on because I was like, oh, let me wear it for a minute, and then I fall aslate. Oh my god. I I liked in my mind you were so psyched to have it on that you wanted some weird vendor, and then you woke up, You passed out, and you're like, what happened next? He knew you were like deep but almost in Mexico. You only got got past San Diego, but not quite over the border, not

quiet just to Tijuana. You were trying to got to Tijuana. You got involved in some shady ship and in Tacoma doing a show. So it was like it wasn't even excited. Are you guys like royalty in Washington State? We uh, you know we are that we were voted the third most powerful couple in UM sports, after Wilson his wife Sierra, and then someone else. But we got like three good and it was in a newspaper and I was like,

that's the dumbest thing I've ever seen. I want to tell you my best thing I ever got I can't even believe I got three percent. I got three percent. Once on who Woren't better? It was addressed like here's what I realized. You want to make it into magazine

hour like Getty Images. Look find an outfit that some much more famous, like some very famous person has worn that you'll clearly look worse it right, and then by like by or like by the outfit so you can take the hit and like in touch when they're like, who were it better? Like Olivia Wilde, or we're like, I'll always look worse. And I got like one percent of the vote, which was like a pity, but I

wish I would have seen that. You know what it was me and Hayden Pantier and I got like three pcent of the vote and it was one of the best day. And I was like, this is genius. If I could afford the same dresses that these girls get the time, I would get the hit all the time. I would look worse than everyone. Thank you so much. Well, okay, so you we don't we have somewhat of a we have to sort of be briefed today because we're actually filming, But this is how important it was to us. In

America needed to break down the movies. Now, I think Nick season was more boring, but this is very boring in a different way. Now, your husband got you into this, and he liked Ari until last night. Is that correct? I think he still likes him. He wasn't as offended by him as I am. Yes, you got mad. I found him a little creepy last night he watching it. My overall impression was because I because I hosted the Batchelor podcast, I did my research, and I've never seen

Emily Maynard season. So I watched it this fall and I actually found that I didn't want to, but I liked Ari. But then watching it now I'm like, he's been on the vine too long, and now I watched him. He's disgusting. He doesn't ask one question. He's a dumb dumb and I think he's a sex addict. I like that you came up with sex addict. I think I don't know where that exactly, Like you just read like his work. I just felt like all he is is like in my mind, the guys. I know that, And

again I don't really know. I know nothing about actual sex detiction, but I feel like it feels like he's he's just he's almost dangerous because he does seem sincere and it's almost a narciss cistic way, just at he's not going to ask a question, but he's going to seem like a nice guy and somewhat dopey, but he just wants to fuck everything. He doesn't. He doesn't ask anyone a question about He makes out with all of them, and then I, I don't care about an age difference

as long as it's legal, and it's fine. I don't care either. But something about him with the nanny last night gave me the fucking creeps. I agree with you. I don't know what it was. He was like it was the way he was talking to her, and it was like it seemed so like he was so aware of how young she is, and he was like still he was still so yes, yeah, and there's only on

to be on TV. She's like Instagram followers where she like makes the jokes about herself and so she's just trying to be which is fine, like whatever half of them are, but she's not into Ari. No, what's weird about it. He's too dumb and they're really great to care. They're really playing up like he's the same age Nick was last year. But they're really playing up like Grandpa Moses, like the fucking Cardigans and like the kids. Like he's like he's like he's they're playing up. How old, Like

like he's basically like, I'm really boring. I'm really old. I just like to go to bed. I'm also just an overall I'm like, dude, Yeah, I mean when I'm thirty six, I hope that I still have some pep in my step. I'm so saited I can finally drive a car and when I rented, But I feel like I was also watching just my overall impression of him, like when they go to like Tahome, we'll get there. It's like, this is a guy who has no he has no curiosity about any of the world, like aside

from other people. He's like, traveling is good because traveling has trees and boats and people, and then you get to people in a different town, like that's all. There's no curiosity. So I have to also say normally, I'm such a freak. When I hosted this and I pause it and I can write down everything verbatim, but I'm staying in a hotel and so I can't pause it, and so like this is it's also like the handwriting is the insane scribbling a real time. So it was

a it was really featuring. I went to The main players were Crystal, who's give me Banas? Oh my god, here's the first tie with an odd voice. It's like as a Knight went on. She was barely audible by the end. It's like, yeah, I don't like if you if you can't help your voice, you can't help your voice. That that's not real. That's not real. It's not real. So it's definitely not real. She's so fucked up. Okay,

here we go. She's real crazy. So we start out and and there's a preview of the episode and she says, I'm not sure what I'm gonna do, but it's gonna be flawless, like the do she a statement ever made. I just wanted to like, if I were her, I would have wished I could have like disengaged my hands string enough to reach up and kick myself in the teeth in the face. I said that. Um So, then there's a whole thing out in the pool. There's young Becca swimming like a little like she's she's just fun.

Just care for she's a fun man. He's just swim with your kids before she fox your husband. That's fun. I'm a good sport like horseback right always with like some sort of shrug off her shoulders, like put your fucking coat up. Yeah, what did she saying? I can't I always have to be in first. Yeah, it's like her first, Like, dude, doesn't make you mysterious, It just means you shop it forever. Nothing wrong with that. Um so then we so there's everybody's just like realizing that

she's a real threat. She's swimming by the pool and everybody's talking about the age difference. Does you know, Oh my god, Like they're sitting up the big age difference and like and they're all like for sure when already finds out she's gone, and like noun, not only is she not gone, it's going to be a YEA was

like watching the monument. You can see him get so erect when she said she was two and thumb at the bottom of the chail and that's what crashing out of his dick like, And that's what I was done with him, because I was like, if you're only turned on because she's younger. Then you're creeping me out. He was like, I thought you were twenty six, but you're Oh my god, you're barely laying. Oh you know, he's

so turned. I'm playori. Uh so they so they're swimming and somebody and then Crystal goes, this is a man who knows what he wants, and I'll be the voice of reason and that voice of reality. And then they wheel out, but you shouldn't say anything about voice. I'm my girl, you should. And then they reel out the corpse of Chris Harrison, who's like, ladies, like an animatronic. He's like, ladies, it's time to pack your already's already left. And they have to pretend like they care. Nobody wants

to funk are. They wanted to suck Peter, but Peter wasn't available, so they're like, pack your bags. You're going on a world tour. First stop, self like talkout what the fund is? Self Like, I don't know what that means? What is self like tall because it's where they can film. Yeah, I mean I don't know. Maybe regularly somebody somebody treated at us and it was like the first place we got a group on was selth Light. Have you ever been to Lake Tahoe? I have not. It actually like

pretty it is, it's supposed to be great. I have a friend that just Chris friend Joe, he just performed at Late Tahoe the improv and he says, we should all if you're listening South Like Tahoe improv Sarah Cloona

and I want to do a tech in. Did you do you get as uncomfortable as I do when they have to run through like Marriott's and stuff and seem excited about like the lodge and they're like it's like Tahoe and the binocular thing, Like yeah, I get really uncomfortable when they have to act excited about anything any like when you see and particularly when it's like the Bachelorette and you see like grown men having to jump on beds like here we are and like Malmo sweeded

like feather like pillow fights, like grown men having pillow fights. So they go up to South Lake Tahoe. He checks into the hard rock the girls check into like the lodge from smoking the Bear or something or like it just feels like it's from like some cartoon child cartoon, and and he goes, I think when you travel and do new things, it just helps to strengthen a bond. That's what he fucking said. Why do you hate him? Don't because he gets on my nerves. I don't know.

I don't know what it is, because, well, because he doesn't care about what anyone says. He doesn't have any interest in them, Like how about forced a bond by like or how about get a bond by like asking

people about anybody anything anything? Well, in some ways, like when you look at the women that he actually does seem to have a connection with, like Becca, the girl that he just like, I just want to spoil you from, like the one, the long haired one from the first day, which was so uncomfortable, but like she actually like it's a smart, grounded woman and actually talk to him like yeah, I thought they had like a thing. And then all of a sudden, it seems like she's like on the

back burner. My I know, my theory last week was that she was going to win, But now I feel like might be surely sure? Hair, I think I do you think he's going to make everybody angry and pick this Chary? I think at some point he no, because she doesn't want to be with him, and he knows it, like that's the fact. It is, like she is, she just wants to be on TV. She's got some Instagram followers, she does some fun things. She's cute and funny. So she doesn't want to be with Ari. No, not remotely.

She's so young. She should be with like Dean Um. So then she's so young that he was able to put his entire hand through her hoop earring last night. She was wearing such a big hoop aaron that he actually put I was like, so, I was like, oh my god, he's gonna move his hand and rip out her earing. His entire hand went through the hoop. So I don't know if he has tiny hands or if she just wears the God, I hope he has tiny whole He was like holding his whole hand was through.

Oh my god. That's so good. So then so then she shows up and so they go and they have the one on one Cianne, who's way too good for her, get the one on one date and crystals, Like Cianne has a one on one day to day and she's probably going home tonight and that makes me so happy. Good luck. It's like fuck, you you are the word. She's so mean. I don't like her. She's so mean. Yeah. And then and like even on the first thing, she kept interrupting and she's like, let's get advice bad at me.

Oh my god, it's just like she's like it was like she's like, I just feel bad, Like we just have such a connection like that, you should get your time that it's hard because we have a connection. It's like, yeah, we get it. You had if we went to his fucking house, you met his dog, Like I get it. Oh yeah, that was weird. That was so that was so weird. Feels like his mom. Why did they decide to bring she did? Why did they decide to bring

date two on? To meet parents like the woman who looked just like his mom, to meet his mom who loved her? The mom the only woman in America who loved Crystal is Alreadys mom, which I think said something

about why I always walked up Yeah that's true. Um. So then they go this date, she's so sweet and they go parasailing, the lowest parasailing I've gone parasailing, parasailing in Mexico, in Mexico, and was like and then I ate, uh, some spare ribs at Carlos and Charlie's because I know, guys, if you go to Mexico and you're like, you know what, I'm gonna go off roading and eat a rack or ribs, I don't you might want to do that in the States.

I threw up thirteen times on one night. Yeah, racker ribs in Mexico at a most and Charlie seems like an odd twice. It seems like your parents weren't paying attention. Oh you know what, and that's how you're going to comment, like good luck in Mexico. I'll be at the swim up bar moz Tequila porpa works. Um. So they go, they go in the little school with parasailing date and and she's just like and then they go on this day on the beach and he didn't ask that, just

the silence. He's like, well we've or not. It's just like yo, you know, he goes waves are awesome like this, see's awesome. I love the sea. That's the other thing about him is I and I understand that I say it at times too. I try to be aware of it. The amount of times everyone says like on the back short makes me want to, but he thirty six year old man, he does, and he says it more than

all the girls. I haven't noticed that because I know I started noticing it last night when I started getting angry with him, when he had his little tiny hand through its tiny like the Christian wage character that he's got, like a micro penis and tiny hands. So just waves are awesome and using the word like every other sentence, I'm like, what is your You know? I became aware watching him because I feel like I do this and

now I really hope I never do it again. He keeps referring to them as girls and not women like you girls, and I'm aware. I'm like, I guess, I don't know, like in this climate, right, there's something about me it's like, and I know I do that too. But if you're not a man dating fifteen women and I'm forty eight year old, uh race car driver slash like fucking century twenty one employee, that's like just fingering my way through every like unemployed actress in Los Angeles.

But I hope to be one day. I can't wait. So they go, and so she's like really feeling vulnerable. She really got rab by her parents at the age of fourteen. It was like, love isn't safe. I can't like, I just learned like it was a lot of love isn't safe and and but I did like the there are other girls who this love story looks like it's more appropriate for them, like and I like, I thought I liked her pointing that out that you know, you always see it was always the white girl on the end.

It's always like that. She just didn't grow up with that image. And then what kind of bum me out was like at some point he was like, maybe this is the beginning of like our loves And I just thought, you're not going to pick her? Man, like, don't funk with this lovely, brilliant, Harvard educated young lady. I don't know. I just like she's so beautiful and cool. He didn't ask her any questions, No, he doesn't hasn't asked anyone any questions. He just says things about the water. And

he likes the trashiest white girls. He likes trashy white girls like blonde. He likes like except for Becca that is not trashy. The ones he wants to bone. It's like Crystal and the single mom a little bit. No, I don't know what happened to back the other backgup. I really thought she was going to be a front runner and I did too, And maybe they're just trying to steer us off. I feel like they knew that

he had to think. My gun feeling is the producers know that he's got like a little bit of a taste for summer, sort of like just like a little more, and so they made him pick a very sort of very presentable. It's very Kate Middleton elegant like that first Becca was very sort of presentable and elegant, and it made him seem like a thoughtful, good guy. Yea, And even though all he did was like buy her dresses and the grossest lubes that have ever been Yeah, well

I and I those were so ugly. And then I love that they put all those dresses and then all that jewelry on her right. And then he was like, and you get to keep the ear rings. It has to be like, don't try to think that you're keeping it the tiniest little rings that are in your ears. And she says, it's like, guys, like I live in Minnesota, Where am I going to wear? Where am I going to wear any like unless Prince was still alive? Like, I like going to go to like Paisley Park, where

am I ever? Like it's the wrong vibe for the wrong lady, Like now you're ready, You're ready for You're gonna be the hottest lady in Minnesota. Now I dressed you up for me exactly. And he's like, I want to spoil you. You need to be like she She's also like, you're not spoiling her. ABC is spoiling her. And Rachel's was spoiling her. You didn't go out and buy all this ship for her. I actually like I liked I liked all the dresses more than I wanted to.

I liked them. I like Rachel's. Did I like that when they were all like all of them, they were all? I was like, that's it actually made me want to go on Shop Bop and look up Rachel's. I was like, those are really cute dresses. Instead, just catch you another Pam and respect. Oh my god, these are the best. This is this Christmas. I can't believe I don't have a pair on. I gotta tell you, I saw them and I knew that I needed them in my life.

And let me tell you, if you've got a big event coming up, the most overpriseder, SWEPPI the bougie is what I asked for for Christmas. I got a bougie Pears there the Southern song. They're so Monroe. Maybe the smallest means we'll send us a pair of booty shorts or something, Munroe, please wear them to work, because like you come usually you're working at like five in the morning or whatever late at night, so like, and we have obviously we got dressed here. So yeah, they're the perfect,

They're the perfect. Oh my god, and they're a and then me also, oh my god, please, friends are both of us, both of us we need it. So then she he was like, from the night he stepped out, I feel like I knew you. And and then they they had to go out, and then they had to go dance, which and then they go and they have to dance, and the doors open and there is fucking blanco blanco whango. I think that was the best. And

it's always my most uncomfortable watching people. Actually, if I hadn't tend to recognize somebody on stage, well that and then having to slow dance, I'm actually more uncomfortable when no one is in the crowd, like when it's just you haven't just slowed this in front of like a violinist like on the show. I guess I'd rather do this, like getting snapchatted by strangers, but like having to be like, oh my god, Blanco is here. This was the best

name ever, Blanco. I when you were texting me because we were watching it but I hadn't want turned it on yet and you were like, oh my god, and I was like, I don't know that is, But then I do know that song really well, and I actually love that song. So oh my Gods are like a real band. They're real band, and they were just that song was I heard this story the other day. Apparently, um there's a show. Maybe it's Ashton Kutcher. Maybe it's

that show. Okay, yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah the Dealer, Right, it might be that show, or maybe it's the other show. But one of those shows found that song and it's like made them huge because oh like so I was actually again it was like, oh my god, like so you would have actually been psyched if you were getting grind and I real her. But that's the only song I know by them. That's the only song that they've ever written. I think it's the only one thing that they do a concept. They

display that song. Yeah, and everyone's like so psyched. That is lanko. Um, he kissed her because that's what he does. But then he did the white guy wedding dance dance the prets sol he fully. It made me so uncomfortable. Every guy just knows that one move. Guys learn how to dance. Can I just say a guy that can actually dance a little just dances a little bit. Yeah, the white guy pressl made me spin with like the dip and like sometimes like a slide, like I us

get one more move. Even if you just break apart and you just started breaking into the running man, I would respond so much more. I would sucking. It actually would make him interested that I would appreciate. So then, um, they find out the one on one is happening and it's Becca is going on the one on one and it's a fourteen year age difference. Oh you know what. Wait, hold on, I feel like I missed one thing because it's all over the place, because I couldn't cause it

m hmm. It wasn't even interesting. Never mind never mind, Um the girls were not happy about the one on. Yeah. No, so so the girls were not happy. And there's the group date first and they go into the woods and they bring out a green break combat commander. Um, which was maybe the best thing ever watching the girls be willing to drink their own being on television. I mean, that might have been one of my highlights. Sees, it's not something I was expecting. I didn't under stand what

those like recyclable containers. I didn't know what there were. Timeout was recycling. I didn't understand that they were supposed to pay in the jar. But then then you know, they all went and pete in the bot. That's hard as a female to pe in a bottle. And then one of them was having at it. She was like psyched. Yea. Oh. And by the way, in the interim at Sweet Mickel that we I really thought because they featured her early on in the packages, the wedding photographer from Utah who

hasn't done anything. Um, I hope she comes back, but her grandpa died so she had to leave. That was that was sad. I felt bad for her. Um. So then they so they go in the woods, they tried to pee in a bottle, and Jenna, the one who was in the white dress at the end of like the last episode, who was like basically fucking him on the couch when they were both ship faces very and she was like, I will drink my pe for ari. I've eaten bugs before. Like it's like she's so deviant

that she just wants to fucking she wants to drink. Yeah, yeah, one She's like, just asked me to drink. Just dare me so I can be the person to drink my p On The Bachelor, she was bummed that they cut him off before she got to drink her peer. Yeah, why can't. I was thinking about this last night and I probably have said this every remember watched The Bachelor, But how come nobody is ever like, you know what, I'm just not feeling it? You know what I actually

worked with? Well, this happened twice. I have. There was once in me when it was Caitlin in the beginning and that other girl that got kicked off, and then that super gay guy that was like I need to go find that other girl, and then they had this side relationships. But he was so gay and then at the end, she's like, we're just going to be the best of friends. I'm like, he was like a singer songwriter that what he knew if he followed her, that he would stay on, but that he would get publicity.

And then I actually um in the Scooby Doo movie that I did the bad guy love interest Brooks was on some season I didn't watch, but I guess he made it to the final three, and then he tucked out like right before, like he was final three and

then was like, I'm not into this. I guess in some ways Peter kind of did that kind of yeah, but I mean, I'm just like, even now at the beginning, like yeah, you would think, why do they all act either like they're obsessed with him or heartbroken if he doesn't like them, Like, why can't one just be like it's fine. I barely got to know him. I don't I didn't find him that interesting and peace out. Thanks

for the screen time, MAYBC. I wonder if you're so starved for any kind of um, does any kind of like stimulus that you get just caught in the competition and wanting to win, and you're just there for one purpose and you don't do and you just sit. There's no music, there's no magazines, there's no like, you can't work out. You're just stuck in a house trying to funk a realtor. Right, and so you're like, the only way to get me out of this happen. I took

my way out through southern music. I don't know, she doesn't like me enough, and I'm going to have to keep going on group dates with all these girls and I hate them. Also, I just have to fall in love with him and try to get the one on ones all the time. And I also feel like now the game has changed so much. I feel like the more I've gotten to know some of these people, because I actually I feel like a lot of them are just trying to get to Paradise because they pay them

in Paradise. They actually earn a living in Paradise and not they make money in Paradise. And like, I think you get your a lot of them because they're all so young. Like if you get enough Instagram followers, Oh you know, the nanny's going to Paradise. Oh yeah, she is going to Paradise, Yes she is. She. I want to look up her and do you know her last name, no, but I know that Debbie's been going. We got our coworker,

Debbie Ryan to start watching and she's deeper. She's going to do a podcast later this season because it's like, um, it's I remember someone was telling me that you have to like look up her because it's like her Instagram. Debbie showed it to me. It's just like professional photo shoot after professional photo shoot for like the last five years, with like and like a lot of them, with almost her tips showing like holding like a little like pineapple

in front of her tit. And then I think beck a case the other one, and then like I think she's Becca with a K, and then I guess Becca Nanny Bachelor Instagram. I'm just gonna put in Becca Bachelor. People will know who it is, so I'm gonna keep So they go on this Oh that's quite all right. So then they're on this group date there in the woods. They have to like go on these teams and then Marik is using her she's brushing her hair and her compass,

which comes up later in the Greatest Tag Ever. And then they find he brings off into these teams and he crystals pouting because she's not on one on one and then they go into a hot tub. He sticks her arm around her and she's so which was weird. And then that was weird, and then the other girls were like kind of making fun of and then she's like, I'm almost thirty and she freaks out and she that's when she says, I don't know what I'm gonna do, but whatever I do, I have a feeling is going

to be perfect. And it's like she can't handle. And they're all in the group date, like in the hot tip, pretending to be excited about this guy, pretending pretending because he's he's like a wet noodle. Yeah, when was the last When was the last exciting bachelor? I don't know. I mean Nick was so and Ben Higgins was so boring. I've never seen a good bachelor that one girl. Also, yesterday, there's a girl that looks just like Jojo. It's freaking

me out. She's like got long brown hair, and every time they play I'm like, oh my god, wait, it's like Jack. She realized to Big Jordan Roger and he's actually doesn't want to fuck her and like he Oh god, that was an odd parent. Okay, so then they go on the group date. She's freaking out and um he pulls aside the little young blonde Lauren who was nervous, and she and then she says to him, what are you looking for? I know you're looking for a flexible schedule.

That's the only thing you learned about him. That's it, That's all you know. And then he's and she's like, I want to be grow He didn't even answer anything, and she's like, I want to be old and gross looking and still spanking each other. And he goes, I like that, yeah, just like like waves are awesome, Like yeah, he gives like zero, gives zero insight into like what life would be like with him, except for that it

would probably be pretty boring. He does. Let you know, it'll be boring, Like you nothing else, you've been four warmed, It's gonna be boring. Yeah, that's basically all he I think he was a real rich kid who's like hot enough that like he didn't have to dive. I think he's really rich and his parents are rich and he didn't have to develop a personality. Yeah, when we got when we went to his house that first would or whatever episode that was, I was like, oh, it seems

like his family has a ton of money. John was saying that his family has like fifteen million dollars and our arias like four, but like that's a lot of money. Um. So then Kendall's site because she's always wanted to eat a bunch of bugs. And then and then so she kiss she kisses him and she want to eat a bunch of bugs and drink her Yeah, she goes, I was and he goes, that was gross. He's dumb. I

like that water is awesome. That was gross. And then she said I brought Ping Ping my penguin, and then um, and then he goes, how does one travel with perk taxidermy? And she said, Ping Ping's actually the best traveler I've ever seen. And he actually did say one funny line, which was because he's not alive, that's when I wrote down sex, the first son of sex. And then he's still tongue kissed her after hearing about Ping Ping. When you hear about ping pain, like my penguin that's been

on my shoulder, that's when you travel with. Then that's where you go, you know what, maybe I will let you see the door. And instead he was like I am going to try and dry hump you right here, like well, because he also figures if she's lonely enough to travel with a dead penguin, that she's definitely going to be interested in him, and like everything's open, nothing's off limits, like she's down for back door and that's let's dud. There's no part that is off ping paincad

get involved, pain paink W should fully get involved. So then Crystal says, I felt a really challenge to pass a large group date, Like I just feel like the other girls don't have a sense of self identity. Like everything she said would make I would not want to take the bait, but I would still take the bait I want. I would be hard not to because she's so um like demeaning to everybody else, like she thinks like you try not like good. You have a nice

body and you live in San Diego. It's good for you. And so Tia and Caroline just start to be like, shut the funk up. I love Tia. At first, I was like, Okay, you know they wanted to give you like a substitute Raven, but this is Clayven. It's Tia. Like, but I have to say it. She's fun and she's cool, and she's cute. She's cute, she's cool and she's a real lady. And then um, she goes every time she was talking about Crystal, every time her mouth opens, my

face goes. What I was like, that's right, and then Crystal goes, I'm a mix of emotions. I gotta target on my back for having my one on once so early. It's like, no, that's not why, because you're full second you mean, and that's why there's a target. Becca got all those lue Buchan and those she didn't have a target on her bathe her. Nobody even knows that she's part of the show. She literally disappeared, and then um, somebody says, where the funk is she now? And then

somebody said kissing his asked was that about Ari? I think it was. I think because she had gone off to Oh she pulled him aside, and then she says to him people feel threatened. I really, I just feel like I'm coming from a place of love and like I just feel like people feel so hurt that people

just judge me. And then and then Tia came up and she goes, will you ask for him, and then he was like, can I have a minute, and then he's like, she goes, I'm so above this and I'm so beyond this, and it was just like, I she's so condescending, like you're not above it, you're on the Bachelor, like you're you're you're not above it, you're exactly at it, Like you're at that same level. Well you're you're not only you're not above that, you were like one of

the largest villains they've ever had. I hate her more than I hated Olivia. With her mouth open, I was about to say that she reminded me of Olivia and we all thought the mom was going to be Olivia, but it's Crystal. Yeah. Um. So then Tia and Caroline, so she went tattled ri t t and Caroline come over and was like, did you spend your time talking to him about us? And and can you believe it?

That is where we got caught off. I actually did a tweet of the week, but I'm thinking I'm may save the tweets because there was a lot of funny ones and you can keep tweeting at me all week and I will do them live at sketch Fest this weekend. I will read them and we will pick the one from this week at our marine A R D E N M y R I N hashtag w y A t R and we will pick the live tweet of the week on stage at Cobb's Comedy Club. And oh my god, there was so many funny you guys were

on fire. Please like us on iTunes and uh on Facebook. We had a lot of really great comments. And I don't know if you were called, but I got called. That was a political call, a political podcast, and the host sounded like hyena that had been um getting dunked in scalding lava. And I think my favorite uh ituned review was this week. By the way I've been, I've done like two hours of sleeping, like three days. That's

where I sound like a lunatic. Five stars. Highly recommend Noel Rose Rights one of the best political hyena in law, one of the best political hyena in lava podcasts out there. I like that it's only one of the best. I like that there's more happening out there. Um. We also got another call. We got another one my Oasis on Grief Island. Five stars from wing Cupid. Unfortunately, I've been on Grief Island. I'm so sorry, girl, what a way to start. But this podcast has been my oasis every week.

I've been listening every day since day one. Thank you and funny enough, this was my first season of watching The Bachelor as well. Oh that was the I wish you've been listening since dayble, but you never watched the show. I don't know how you just watched the show without the relief of this podcast. Never stop and Arden. I'm a fan of the dentist X ray blanket too. Again if you get the way to blanket. I have a

twenty five pounder. Apparently you're supposed to get one that's ten percent of your body weight, and so I'm trying to bulk up two fifty pounds to balance out my my my blanket. And I will just read. We got some cool emails. Let's see, I'll read one of the emails. Man okay Rose podcast at gmail dot com. You can email us, and here is some of the emails. It's coming. I don't want to brag, but I have really slow hotel internet. Um oh okay. Laura Nickerson sent us a

link to the air streams uh caravan outpost. It's in Oha. Thank you for sending us that we have another person. Christy Bone sent us the caravans. I've stayed at the Caravan Post before, and it's so cool. It's an OHI and I would love to go to a live show hosted there bonus that OHI. Humane Society is literally right down the street. I'm just hoping they hose down the caravans after ari Ari dry humped everyone. Thanks for doing the lord's work, Christie. Well, thank you for emailing us guys.

I'm sorry it was so rushed and abbreviated today, but I actually had to go earn a living. I know Paget isn't the only one. I have to go buy my own one piece bathing suits and songs much in a while. But I will be with my queen this weekend it sketch Fest and there will be a special podcast up next week. Okay, bye, Oh my god? Do I now have to figure out how to play the song out? Am I gonna be alone in a hotel right now? Playing Yes I Am? This is what's happening.

This is happening alone in Atlanta? Oh Atlanta. Oh you going out tonight Atlanta? Well, maybe there's something new in the A t L. Yeah, that's right, you except this bones type girl. I like your card again, Twitter, I'm seventy eight years old and rumor has it you're almost eighteen. I'm a realtor, slash car enthusiast. Water's neat. I like that. Bye, now leaving nurtice dot com

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