"Jamaica Me Crazy!" With Chad Kultgen

and I'm just here to bang some babies in Jamaica. Okay, Yes, I'm Ben. I'm just an account manager. You're too good for me. Lauren b Oh, Joe, Joe, you look amazing in that dress. Where is my rose? Where is my rose? Oh my god? I'm ready to be married? Said kill Yeah. I can't take it anymore, folks, I can't take it anymore. This is Anie Peppertone coming out of character. Um, I can't take it to watch this show is you know?

Well you've heard my last few. I call them communic as to Art and and Aaron and whoever the guest is that they have. It's just um, it's so soul crushing and my numbing. And yesterday in America was Super Tuesday where Hillary Clinton, the evil Clinton and the evil Donald Trump, um, signifying the rise of fascism and the powerlessness that so many people feel in this country that are now being channeled into a hateful demagogue. Um, you

know that's that. That's The Bachelor is taking place amongst the rise of fascism in America. And the reason why there's a rise of fascism in America is directly linked to shows like this so called guilty Pleasures. These shows just make the populist dumber and dumber, which, by the way, I can't believe they made dumber and Dumber two. One was okay, you know, you figure it's an idea, but

dumber and dumber two are you fucking kidding me? Anyway, So fascism, the rise of fascism is tied into shows like The Bachelor, just ridiculous shows that have no depth, you know what I mean, They have no depth. So now it's down to these two women and uh, you know, Lauren b And and Joejoe who even cares what their names are? Um, you know, it's just it's just a horror show. This country is a horror show, and this show is one of the reasons why. And I have

watched every episode. And what I have to do, according to is according to a friend of mine, is get a cleanse from a Native American in New Mexico that he knows of in Taos, New Mexico. I have to go get a cleanse because of this show. Like it involves sage, it involves Ralphine, it involves prayer and meditation to the Great Source. And let me tell you something, the great Source that gives us all life would hate

this fucking show. No entering, nervous Dockholm. Make sure, yes, here we go, Here we go, this rule great world exactly. My god, We've made it America, Canada and Europe, because I'm going to guess those are the main people that are listening, but I could be Asia. Hello. This is Art Marine, host of Will You Accept This Rose Bachelor Tribute Podcast along with my co host Aaron Foley, and we have a very special guest tonight, a straight guy, a friend of mine. Um you might know him as

the screenwriter of Burt Wonderstone. He also has an Instagram account devoted both to a squirrel family that he feeds, and the Bachelor. Um, please put your hands together for Chad called Jim. Thank you guys. It is a pleasure and an honor, if I may say, to be here on the day following what is the most important episode of every season? Oh my god, can I just tell you, Um, the fact that you get to come do fantasy suits the fact that any of us really do it really

is I'm sprung out of bed this morning, honestly sprung. Now. I enjoy Oscar weekend. I do enjoy sort of like, um, not hate watching the Oscars, but I do. I go to a party. I like an Oscar pool. I like looking at the outfits. This was so much more important to me than that this week fantasy. It's also two more weeks until I don't have to hear Ben speak. Oh my god, how dare you? I could listen to him describe himself as a child. Everyone's like a little kid.

A little kid. I'm like a little kid who is about to go three other kids right now, like a self confess she felt like a little I noticed that. I don't know if that's his infantilization rubbing off on them. What they all seem to be doing. They love to say, no, is there anything that we don't want to talk about in our personal lives? And it happened in the last week with anybody that's of importance. Um, did you watch the Oscars? I did watch the Oscars? Best Dress, Worst Dress?

Oh you know, I don't you don't care, I don't really Okay, any thoughts on the oscars? Um, I guess my biggest thought was like, I gotta get it together because my fantasy baseball starts in two weeks. But uh um, I was happy Adam McKay. We did ved that in McKay. That was the first time I saw somebody that I've done a project with actually when an Oscar, which was that was super excited. That was excited. There were some feel good moments, you know, entrenched in the crazy narcissism monologue.

I thought that was really good, funny all that, and then it was kind of like never again good or funny, but you know, I agree with you up top. I felt like, okay, and then it was like that it's so it was so I enjoyed the Compton when they went to the movie theater. Yeah, that was the part I was like I don't. I just I didn't feel like that was I feel like that was now showing people in a poor light. Yeah you know what I mean.

I did like Tracy Morgan as a gay lady. I'll probably get shipped for this, but when he was eating the Danish, he kills me. I'm like, I still think Brian Fellows might be one of my favorite. Like Fellows can just watch, you could just watch Tracy could literally just do the alphabet to do pretty much anything. Is it really hot in here? Am I crazy? Is here a T shirt I can put on? What do you expect?

The day after Fantasy Sweeps? I do think all that pressure Chris Rock was under I thought he I thought he did a good job, right. What else could he do? Was all? I kept thinking, like, it was super uncomfortable to watch this room full of all white people laughing at for example, that segment where they go to Compton they've heard of any of the white movies? It was so awkward. What else could he do? Nothing? If you heard, you know, I would I would say, like, you know,

I wanted more jokes just about other things. And there's so many like ridiculous fun you know movies I would have thrown in a couple of other jokes, you know what I mean. I thought it was like bordering on a little bit of overkill. But I thought he's so smart and funny that um, and he's been one of my you know, I've done stand up for so long and he's just been one of my idols for so long. Fantastic,

one of the best that ever lived. I thought that was super fun in the in the yeah, I mean, Saturday Live had a really funny sketch a couple of months ago about like white people, um getting honored for like in like sort of quote unquote black movies that I thought was so spot on. So I did like the sketch with like that awesome lady from Sarah Live, like attacking Leonardo with a revenue Like. I thought that

was really funny. Yeah, they but I mean, you know, they always do some good kind of things like that where they're taking footage from the old movie or in some way making fun of the different Best Picture nominees. Arden did a quick, literally little costume change in the middle of the podcast and came back and it says, gay, Okay, alright, is that just laying it around or because he is gay. Okay,

my personally belongs to but now I'm wearing it this day. Okay, I have to before before we get into the meat of this cuss on this, of course, because I'm probably going to go all right, Can I just started out, let's just really channel Jamaica, make graz crazy, Sandals, Sandals Resort Jamaica. Okay, you think when you want to Fox three girls and three success today is you better go to fucking Sandals and you know what sandals exactly? And by the way, can I also give a shout out?

Who knew Man? Which has existed anymore? So? Marketing director? Did you watch it on? Team? Wrote it down? Man my god, Rush Man Crush Monday, Man Wich Monday. I was like, that is brilliant. I haven't heard of man, which is since the eighties. Ready to see them eating. I loved it. I feel like I'm free now I can really be free. It doesn't go with man Witch, sandwiches, rose petals and candles on the table. Oh my god,

that was at well. I also loved Okay, he started out, he's in his dumb and his dumb preppy outfits going, I'm really excited to be in Jamaica to do some of the most romantic things, basically like fucking very women. And by the the romance part is that he's honest with all three so they know that's the real romances doing it, but letting them know he's doing it. Now. I have a friend who anything you can't hear, Let's turn anybody here? Can you hear that? Can you hear now? Now? Yeah?

I can hear? Um Uh. There was a buddy of mine, my friend Laurie, kept texting me from Berkeley saying how big a boner's he had all for the night. She is a lesbian. She goes leaving into the lesbian make sure that he's back, and he there's that one shot where he's making out with Lauren b I think, yeah, I did a thing on Jesus Christ. But that's been all season. Well, that's the thing, because it was during the flashbacks from the early on, it was the Lauren dates.

He had a pack in huge heat and then he had a huge boner in the waterfall with Joe. Joe. Who wouldn't she looked great in a bikini. Every girl. Okay, that's that's the whole premise of the Bachelor's like, here's all these people. Essentially, here's what I think the Bachelor is. It's a question can be asked to any human being, would you do this thing to try and find your

soul mate, your lover or whatever. If the answer is yes, you now go on the show for our entertainment, for the people who would say no to And so that's it. That's the whole thing. It's all these kind of like attractive, emotionally stunted or maybe childlike, as they themselves claim the people that we're watching. Yeah, nonetheless, come on when you were the show, maybe for the experience, Like go get

drunk and go to Sandal's Jamaica. I'm just saying, cries at how nice some of the sweets were in Sandal's Jamaica. Like the actual rooms look that different from like a nice you know, like a nice Western I have to say,

I pictured now it's clearly the high end Sandals. That is, like when you really need some serious to happen, are you're thrown down for the high end Later It literally seemed like a place that I would I would if I got a free vacation to sand in Jamaica, Like I'm gonna pass Okay, let's it just looks so cheesy. So before we even get into the dates. What woman

has ever walked around in a robe? They all had their little robes on, little satin robes up top, and their pink robes and their green robes or satin robes, like no real human woman wears little satin robes like that. I wanted a white, thick sandals robe. It just horribly undertractive. Um okay, Kayla, Kayla starting out just smiling at the air there is the lights are on. All that home is a good bouncy blowout that she can't stop flipping.

I can't wait till we get to the part where she said, can we start with her surprising him at the end of the work backwards thinect I called she was my secret crazy at the top of the season, you know, like that girl that that they sent over

to sabotage the other to sabotage Lauren. If the if the producers are going no, no, go, surprise him, They're they're utilizing you to look crazy like it's never The show is so manipulative, even in the bumper that they use to promote the notion that Kayla is going to come over in the morning after him and jojo in the gasp where was the gasp? Gasp was in the audio booth when they recorded it too late and wanted a dass it was. It was so okay, But she

served her purpose. I think that kay one had ulterior motive. She wants to be the bachelorette. I think from day one, uh, and she'll never be. Luckily, Ben is the semi racist guy who just wants to fuck a non white girl one time before engaging with a white girl that purpose. I do think that if she had any personality, I think she could have gone farther though, Like, if she had any like that was the worst date of all time, them going down the river. That was so hard and

it was amazing. Yeah, it was really really good. You know. My sister brought up a good point. She was like, God, you know, you can't have one bad day. You can't have seconds. They can string together ten consecutive seconds. If you're not speaking, they can make it look like the worst fucking day that has ever. I think at one point I was like, wait, is my I hit the audio?

Did the audio go off? I mean, so let's also be real, like they're Mike, the producers could say, Hey, can you guys just be quiet a second, we gotta test I have been from the get go, say and she is. She is a freaky girl. She's been my crazy pick. There's no there there you were. Well, I mean,

we call them sociopaths in the planet Earth. But the reason being, I think, uh or one of the most telltale signs of a sociopath as a thing called duper's delight, which is, once you've told the deceit and it's been

perceived as true, you'll smile. Their images of Bill Clinton doing this, so when he said I did not have sex with that girl O J with the glove all this ship right, Duper's delight, Like that could be the name of this podcast, a band called duper if you if you go back and look, I think I probably

have a picture of this on my phone somewhere. Uh. The moment right after Kayla is dumped, she produces a giant yes she does smiles, which lets me know that she's like, I'm in I'm the next bachelor atte Here's the thing I have to say, She's not. She believes she is. She believes that she's played her plan well, but I do think here's the I think looking back on last week with the producers sending the flowers from JoJo's boyfriend, they clearly saw a head. They're like, oh,

should we can't have a Mamanda with the kids. Nobody likes Kayla. Let's try to wreck this early so we can get Jojo to be the bachelor, because it's never the number two, that's the bachelorette. But I don't think Kayla ever had a chance. Kyla was only a curiosity, That's what I mean. But I mean I think that the producers were trying to trying to get Kayla to be one of the two because I think they need a good bachelorette, and they were hoping it'll be Joe too.

It's never the second person, it will it will be well know the predictions. Are we doing that or let's all right, let's let's get through this. I start with him climbing that mountain in his flip flop, like he never climbed up stairs ever before stairs and if it is sandals Jamaica, just I was like, is this a

hidden pyramid of sandals? It was like the Aztec culture that came the time you see shots like that, you just know that, like he's standing around, he's gonna do whatever the producers tell him, and they're like, why don't you go climb up that zigaratte over there? And Sandals? Well, okay, so, Kayla when he Kayla was my deepest relationship, deepest what are you talking? He wanted to funk her the most. He wanted to sun her badly because she's a sex panther.

She's a sex panther from early on. I think so, I think I think that could be a good argument that he wanted to sunk her the most. He did. Yeah, Also because of the racial curiosity, I think he was like, I really think that's a piece of it, because we even see him earlier in the season telling Jubilee, I'm not that white, which is obviously a lie, as so Indiana with that Bible quote. He might be the Bible quote. Okay, okay, so and then sher saying, oh my god, the Sandals

is the greatest. There's a swing over the water, and all I kept thinking is that you're trying to say it's like a like a sex swing, Like, well, they lay on thick every fantasy sweet episode. There's a million sex references. Okay, so then they go down the river and the let's do this. Let's let's back up a

little bit. In the first sequence of this show, Ben walks into the room and the first thing he does, he says, there's gonna be a lot of romance or something going on here, romantic feelings, and he presses on the bed to test his firmness. That's in the show's from. All of them were different. My brother and I watched it for the first time. My brother had never seen it. Okay,

we watched the last night he's in. He loved it. Um, we were I think they were all different because I don't think that Kayla had a pool or a hot top. It's different sweets in the same different tweets in the same RAZI because I was like, oh my god, he because he just sucked her like very similar. I don't know how you like, I guess, yeah, twenty, I don't know.

I don't know. I was always under the impression in the beginning, when I first started watching the show, is under the impression that they probably had like a week or two in between the Fox sessions to give everybody a chance. You want. Deplorable if we can get picked. You kind of want to be the last one, but you don't want to be getting all the funky junkie that's coming. Pretty sure you want to be the first

one every time. Yeah, for the well, I mean just for all of his uh shortcomings, which are almost he didn't have crashed last season yet. Katie loves Nick Katie loves my Nick Vilbo Instagram account, which is an image for image remake of his Instagram where I revealed the truth. Wow. I just want to say Ben and Kayla's date was the single worst date that I have ever been on, because I feel like I was on it. And I've

been on some bad dates. Literally, I've gotten like like head rubs at the end of the day, it's like a pat on the head, like a lot of high five. I've gotten like kid out like nuggie. I basically got a nuggie at the end of the day that like waking. I didn't fuck him, but like I made now the guy I woke up in the morning got like a noogie. This is still the worst date I've ever been on. Was Ben and Kala's dates. Even the river boat dude

was wearing Jamaican colors, Oh my god, the most. They always exploit the indigenous people wherever they go epode so uncomfortable to like, terrible, it's terrible. One of the worst. One was maybe three seasons ago. I think there was a shot did they go to Mexico And there was just a shot of a very sad man holding a shovel, like you guys remember that shot at all. I don't remember exactly where they were, but it was just like, Jesus Christ, how bad can this be? Like this was

maybe two or three seasons ago. I think it was on Shawn Lowe's season the best. It was the worst date, but it produced the best, one of the best lines of all time. When they doubled back that night and he's like, I'd like to talk about it, And she said, it's funny that you noticed I was weird today. Well, there was only two of you and it was a weird situation. And for somebody you're gonna marry, wouldn't you want him to notice if you're in a bad mood

just a little bit. It's funny that you noticed. I didn't say. Also, like, it's also like imagining a ca the cameraman that has to go into the street with all them, like some camera and sound guy has to be the final person in there filming them. Well, they're fireworks are exploding off as like fireworks. They were like ten like in a war. It was like, uh, insane.

But I will say this my favorite part of the day, My favorite part of almost the entire show is whatever b roll the producers choose to put in as context for what has just happened or what is about to happen, sometimes foreshadowing. Uh, every shot has chosen in this show. The first thing you see after the date where he fox Kalo the next morning is the shot of a cow in the grass grazing. I think they're literally saying, you don't have to buy the cow to get the mall.

You really feel like we're the professor, Like, why would they choose that shot? Account how much f roll do they have a fucking Jamaican beaches and sandals a million hours? They chose that as the first shot to show you that. Sorry, I get worked up because they're filming those days. Okay, guys, would be quiet. I love that we have to be quiet on an audio podcast. Okay, so that's redundant. Okay, So we'll get to that to whispering at the end

of the s he was so so strange. But this is a recurring thing that I just was laughing so hard at like all three of them did it. Kaylea kicked it off. It happens every year, but I just want one time it to be different when they're just

like they're just like I've been. I've been wanting to sell you something for a while and it's just like part of me is just you know, it's a little bit hard, but I've been wanting to tell you something for a while, and you know the l bombs coming, and I just want one of them to be like I'm lack, like I'm lactoast intolerant, like like I just shipped my pants and I just I need to excuse myself to get a new just so much everyone was the same moment, and it's for the for the last

fifteen years, speaking of shipping your pants. And she's the cutest person in the world, but Lauren's gate walking up her and she has a cute and it was pants. It's like my brother who And by the way, I come from short puffe people, so I'm not trying to like like like a long line of diabetics who are just who given it to themselves. So let me just say I'm not trying to say like I would look horrifying on the show. But she's a very cute girl. But my brother's like, wow, she's a little thicker on

the middle. I was like, no, she's tiny, but she's just styled herself and she picked the worst set of jean shorts and walking up like she's got like a load in her pain. It looked like, yeah, she would. She was either banged half of Jamaica the night before. It was on a mechanical bowl for like five hours. I was like, what is this walk? And that's kind of a weird walk to shoulders down and back and kind of like I don't I don't know how to

describe what I just think really quick. Kayla's like breath comments the next morning when she's like we take the same breath we take literally, I think I think I blacked out, Like but that's what the show is. This is people who are using two months to identify a person that they think meets all these kind of surface requirements and what a relationship at romance or all this kind of ship is it's every season they say these things, just speaking in platitudes and all at all times. But

it's still the highlight of my week. To it's like a serial killer. I just I almost like I'm gonna take a picture and put it on our Facebook account. Chad. Now I also look like squirrel. But I just asked you back and get hired to do ship and we all took how long? How long did it take you to get through last night's to our episode? Taking your well, I watched it twice first of all, but the first

time probably four hours or so. I really think The Bachelor is the most important piece of American media being made in terms of its propaganda value, what it's doing to American culture, all this kind of stuff. Excited for you because I'm so excited to come here, of course, because the only people I can talk about this with are my squirrels. Oh my god, Chad, I feel so happy that we've been even. Let me ask you guys, because you've watched, You've watched Weaver watched a lot in

Katy as well. Uh. I do think though it is it's Placard's like you say this, then you say this, then you season after season. However, I just like I'm craving some sort of conversation that it just it feels like if nobody talks about I love it, But it just like there happened so much more exciting seasons because it's just the go between between them are just like I'm just like about to stab my eye out with and by the way, stupid, this is what the show

chooses to show us. So if there is in fact any other conversation that has more meaning, the show is choosing not to give it. He doesn't, he doesn't know enough. He's a nice So I took it as like this is the highlights, and I think I don't think anything. I think he's nice enough. Maybe I don't think that they're like I think like I think there's literally no actual exchanging of information of like, so what do you

do on Sundays? Like, I don't think anybody, actually I have I have no trust in the producers of the show to present reality anyway. There was was it on Shawn Lowe's season where he was going up with Britain the Hot air Balloon? They show a few different wide shots of a hot air balloon floating by you hear some of their audio. They're talking, and then when they cut away to the close up, it's a low angle

up into the hot air balloon. Sorry, And if you look and it looks strange, it doesn't look like they're in the air. And if you look closely at one of the shots, there's a blades of grass or sticking up in the bottom right corner of the frame that hotter balloons on the ground and they're just shooting up getting them to get the dialogue. Whether they were in the hot air balloon ever, I don't know in the sky the entire thing was constructed. So after that, all

bets are off. Whatever's in that show, every frame of it is for our in quotes entertainment. Did you watch Unreal because it's incredible. I can't do it. I need the real document. I don't want to see like a scripted version of the real document. It was made by the person who worked on it. I understand all of that. You're not gonna be disappointed. I've watched a couple episodes.

I much prefer watching the actual document. Deconstructing a mystery that also says it was almost weird going into my date with almost Almos almost just another woman just five hours ago, and now you're about to drop the l bomb. I'm like a little kid right now who's about to go funk everybody? Yeah, okay, So then they're like, I've got a really fundate for us planned. We're about to go listen to a lecture. How cute were those turtles?

Like those turtles? Well, even cuter was the prayer they said over the turtles before releasing them into the wild. Praise sweet Jesus, we're giving life to these uh whatever bucket full of turtles. And now again in Jesus name, I fuck three women before marriage. Unbelievable between the tato and the prayer of the turtles, and now he's about to eat three women and two of the three hearts, which is in the Old Testament, shall release sea turtles and become a fuck machine in the name of the

Lord proverb. Can we talk about those turtles? So there's so much, so many I wanted them. They were so much more successful than the everything I've done in my life. Oh no, no, no, the pig will look the pigs in the ocean for this season, I think was kind of akin to and most of the other misogynstic things they make them do, like getting naked for a peda calendar or roller derby when you're handicapped, things of that nature. The pigs was light if getting into that category or

even with the guys made the guys fight. I love like diapers. One of those guys was two pound ex college athlete. There was a guy on there who weigh like a hundred and sixty pounds. Now, you guys, how does that even leg How did they get that to happen? Unreal to me? But those sea turtles, they were so happened. When he got attacked by the craw I loved it. He's such a twig. Had to bring back that crab for Mat in Paradise. Quicker crabs are He's sweet, dumb.

The ones that sanders in Jamaica. Those I just say the sea turtles from my highlight the turtles. So it was the only kind of real moment and the whole thing I feel like, and it's awesome. He was like, it's so so awkward because my my heart is with Lauren, but my dick is with Kayla and Lauren and Joe Jack Okay, so then so then um they go, oh god, yeah, okay. So then the day the Double Rainbow miss teased Kitchen

Um and they had to go to that. They had to go to the band where they so they were the whitest people like and they didn't dance at all. They look so uncomfortable around real Jamaicans like and then um and the song it was like the first time work because it normally all season they have to dance to some band that they don't know, and the only people still dancing they didn't even attempt to dance to the song, which is I'm So in love with You.

I'm So in love with you you have to pick up with like Carlo Gutthree's dead Niece reads like come back and do a jam band and it's like I love you on an island and they're like, well this is weird. Yeah, they didn't know. They were so uncomfortable that at this point I wrote down, can you just say have one interesting question and ask questions like Jaffer Gamble ever been faced down in a played a blow?

What was your word? Like? Just but you know, after seeing a Jamaican band on the island of Sandals, Jamaica, the only thing you can really do is eat a weird dinner, have a few drinks, and then compete about who you think is too good for the other person, because they both did that. Yeah, us good for me, No, you're too good for me? All right, that settled, goodbye. I believed that love moment. I fully believe that love moment.

I didn't believe the other one. But I believe um, they're both cacky enough to make a real solid future. I agree with you. I feel like he's loved her for a long time. He wanted to say. It seemed easy and genuine, and he's and and what we know about him that he thinks he's unlovable and he really thinks she's too good for him. That hooks right into his weird yeah sorry, meaning I did love that. Kayla was like I don't think I can have loved someone. He's like, I don't think I can be loved. And

she made the top three. I know that's And then when she finally gave it to him, and he was like, thank god she had a bad day on the riverboat. What if Kayla had a great day, here's she never would have made it. She's not white, She's just not I don't think it's I don't think. I don't think. I think she could have made it. There is no more racist show on television currently. No, I agree with you. I didn't, honestly like I just I didn't even think

about that. I just thought, like she is like a little going back to she's a She's like the moss. I'm the moths looking for a tree telling me where I want to live because I don't know where do you want to live? Tree? I think he's looking at it like this. At the end of the show, best case scenario, I'm engaged to someone that means I'm never gonna suck anyone again. I have only ever fucked white girls, probably one or two before the show. I got to get this in before moving on to the next phase

of my life. One non white girl was going to make it to the fantasy suitets. Kayla was that white, non white girl. She could never be his wife because she's not white. I don't think it's that. I think she couldn't be his wife because he because she sucks. I think if she had been cooler, I think he could have accepted it. I think I don't know. I mean, listen, it could go either way. I just I do think that she was. He said it repeatedly, like do you have emotions? Do cry? He loves to cry, like my

god cry. He used it as his his confirmation that he was really into Lauren. When he's like, when your family asked me questions, I just cried. I literally when my guy he kept saying that, and I was like, if somebody said that to me, I was like I would be out. I'd be like the word puss. But he's like he was bragging invest he was bragging about crying.

It was like, that's a lady bone every family I've ever met, of every girl I've ever dated, whatever, the first question is asked me, you go right to cry. She had leads with tears. So how do you guys meet? By the way, my brother pointed out because my brother had never seen the show, and he pointed out that the awkward moment where he hands like that awful handwritten note from Chris Harrison, it's the same text on something for the same text. You'll you'll like my Instagram Bachelor clues.

Every season. I do some real good makeups of those letters, specifically those shots, because there why even include the shot? You have to see the text? You have to see that this is ordained by someone else. It takes away a slight amount of blame from Ben Lord Harrison. That's what I call Chris Harrison. This is his kingdom and he gives all of this to us. First, I didn't look like Chris Harrison. I'll take that as the highest

compliment ever paid. Thank you a little bit. They could be like, I don't know, there's something it's like I want for him. I hate his guts. He's the most smug piece of ship that is on reality too. I mean but like he's the best job, like job, best job, don't do anything well, No, he has to act like he cares about these people. And I think he's convinced himself to go back to that because that was one of my favorite moments of the program at the end.

But okay, let me do with his face. Okay, so then we have U. So then let's talk about Joe Job. Let's real quick, Lauren's I've been meaning to tell you something And this is the moment where I was watching with Glenna Megan and she hold out, I mean going tell you something. Um, I've been off my anti psychotic drug hell Drall for each other I couldn't fill it in Jamaica. They're just coming up with anything. Yeah, and

I'm gonna turn to the four hours. I need this description field like anything, any please say anything to tell you something that wasn't That also the date where he asked what have I done wrong? Yes, right after he said you're too good for me, she said you're too good for me? What have I done wrong? I bet

they're sea turtles at their wedding. Oh my god, there should be um and then you and then you know that they because the clothes are all over the floor in the bed the next exactly so after Kayla, the first shot we see is the cow in the field. After Laura the first shot we see his clothes on the floor, and then we pan up to see that they're wearing other clothes. So it doesn't work even in

the bachelor context. This is just a surface level idea of what should happen the next morning, even though they're in the bed with t shirts and shorts on. The clothes on the floor meaningless, but they give that image to us to be like days they sheerly fucked show how I do need to go back and look at the cat. Please do okay um Jojo looks great in the bikini that she has some crazy bikini boobs. Real

quick talk about that bikini. There are multiple shots where they're sitting on top of the miniature waterfall where we see a bunch of JoJo's side boob and the show does an expert job of blurring it out, but they do it very discreetly. They in fact make the black box or the blur box look like it's a piece of the bikini. They try to hide it from us, but if you look closely, it's there. She covered her

booty when she walked up the stairs, right. This is in contrast, so I think it was Jillian on the season where they put a very obstructive, giant black rectangle better crack for a joke, and I think this is an overall kind of contextual move with The Bachelor where they're being much more mean to the contestants. They're playing

them four jokes. Or there was a girl I forget who it was who had kind of like big eyes, and every time it would show her eyes, they do like a sound effect that used to not happen until about four or five seasons. Everyone's getting bored, so they need to make these like moments like so crazy. Now. At first she said I love you and he and it most felt like it wasn't like the same I'm in love with you is more like yeah, like I love you. Yeah, Yeah, it didn't it felt although I

think she had a genuine moment she must cry. Yeah. Let's get into that. We've never before seen on The Bachelor, the ability for one of the either the bachelorette or the Bachelor to do that, to tell any contestant that he loves them. So this is a new kind of like twist in the game, if you will, it's a

new tool that the player can use. So in this case, I was very curious to know did the producers tell all three contestants He's going to tell two of you that he loves you, so that they're aware of it, because when he told Lauren, she seemed kind of like, well, that's good, but it doesn't mean I'm ice. I think that. I think that's very I don't think so Jojo clearly says to him, can you say that. She's so surprised by it. She thinks it means I'm in I'm all

the way. Yeah. Yeah, But Lauren didn't seem to think that. No, I just I think Lauren's just less expressive. I think I think sweet little Jojo smarter even though she gets super fucking calculating. I have, I have. I'm off team jojoved and I was all in with Jojo brother. I feel like the family thing, the brother on the reality show. I feel like her my favorite thing. The mom's got four faces on her, the boobs are done, everything's done.

I feel like she's just everything's calculated. I'm not saying she doesn't have feelings for him. I just I just feel like she's been pampered. Like something shifted for me, Like a couple weeks ago where I was like, she's just literally shooting for She's shooting for Bachelorette. The next Bachelor was a character and ready for love. Now, this to me is so fucking fascinating because we're really seeing the seep of these shows home to American culture plastic.

So it's family's plastic and fake older brother. How do I get a guy to like me? Well, you gotta go on a reality show. I mean that's it's become a way to date for a certain as those guys are really like I became obsessed with the brothers. They're actually really rich and successful, like they're loaded. They don't need to go on. It's purely for I'm sure they can get dates and I don't know Ben and Jojo literally the worst couple. Hey do you want to get

in here? Um our producer? And then we have to start about the tattoo. When he took the waterfall, I would have drowned myself in the water and everybody Katie going back to place then saying that he or he's telling them that he loves him. I don't think he's allowed as it because did you notice when Jojo told Chris Chris? Chris kind of had this look like I'm surprised too, like he didn't want them. He came out

of his Jamaican popcoma and almost ships Panti. Because there's been other seasons where like the guy will say went on like you know, when they're doing a little confessional like I'm not allowed to say, but but Chris have known from the producers that would have told him, yes. He just looked like pissed about it. I guess I think it's I don't think so, you guys, everything on that show is chosen by the producers they told him to do. You know, but can we just pretend it's

not just for ten seconds? I just h I do. I did think that, like, of course, maybe he says I love you. Here's here's two two thoughts. I thought he says I love you twice as a marketing gimmick. Okay, there's one two. But I do think he's so like to me, he wouldn't know if true love smacked him in the face. And the balls. He just seems so like I think he mentioned I think he's in love with I think he's in more in love with Lauren. I think that Joejoe tailed like he almost had to

to keep her around. Yeah, I feel like he just wanted to, Like I don't know, I feel like he just like, really he's like lusty and after Joe. But I feel like he and Lauren are a better match because they're like the most boring white people ever, And I think that I think, honestly, they just seem to

match better though they're they're good personality. I think all the emotions that they feel are real because again back to the thesis statement, the people who are on that show answered yes to the question of would you go on the show to find your husband or wife. Those type of people are super easily manipulated by the producers. So they can tell him, hey, you can tell two girls you love him. That gives him the ability to say, in his own mind, I can fall in love with

two girls. And so he does it. It's self fulfilling prophecy in some way. I think he would have either way. I think he I think this is his first time in life. He's like really like, oh I'm, I'm, I'm. It's like an instruction book, like for the next six to eight weeks, you're going to fall in love. And Ben's like, Okay, I can do this. I know you know what I mean, because I think I mean again once again. Kaylin. Kaylin has never been mentioned this season.

It's never been manacause he told her he loved her, and that was in theory weeks before it started, you know what I mean, Like like like he's been in love three times in a manner in a matter of like days. Where Jojo comes in it because Jojo is a lot like Caitlyn. Yeah, and so like he's still kind of hung up on that and like, well she's so similar and she's more Yeah, but she's more white. What she's more white Caitlyn jo jojo Now she's half version.

I mean that's not super white, Miss Thee that they're all the whitest humans ever, she's more white than Caitlin. I feel like it. I feel like for Ben, I feel I don't know why I get stuck on this, but every season it just pisces me off that It's like, you know, they're very rote things, like all the non white people are usually kicked off by episode for that type of ship, and I feel like that carries through the entire thing. We're talking about a couple of weeks ago.

Like Lauren lapt has made a really good point. She's just like time to get like a fresh new person and not keep you know, grabbing someone from the next season. We're just like please black or gay black? Oh my god, m okay by person behind something Guys and Girls, one of the greatest shows in the history of television. We talk about the tattoo, to tell me what it said.

Let's read what it said. Can I, for one moment bring up the shot that occurs just before the tattoo, So in that sequence there in the little mini waterfall. They're taking off their clothes. The first shot of that sequence is Jojo takes off her shirt and we see her tit and they have to blur out a side boob, and then the next shot is Ben's religious tattoo. The woman a sexual object, the man a religious pillar with high morals or high ideals. That's what they're presenting to

us on the show. Yeah, I wanted to see more scientist for sure. And then I was apically Jeanie dusted and horrified by the Bible quote. I didn't realize it was the Bible. I couldn't figure to add it. To the Lord, whatever you do and your plans will be achieved. Me you can bank these are the keys to the fantasy suite has sent the Lord. The Lord clearly wants them to fuck three women in successive nice an achievement. It's an achievement, It's part of God's him. I mean,

everything must be or it wouldn't be happening. My question of the big maroun upstairs, can we discuss the shop when Kayla surprises him of him sitting in that Adirondic chair like just staring at nothing, clearly waiting for Kayla. Just waiting for Kayla the worst actors of all time was the worst. And then she had to come up with her bouncy hair and put her hands over hers. I was just and she was trying to hold his

hand like every fifteen seconds. And that's the only thing that made me feel like maybe he knew someone was coming. But I don't know if you knew it was Kayla, because he clearly was like I didn't want to deal with her. Yeah, And the producers are like, no, you need to remind him because you were the first one. Go put it. Go put it back in his brain in the in the clip before what I got excited about because I heard I heard it. We all heard

the gasp. I was like, Oh, yeah, she's gonna walk in on him and then she's gonna be like, what are you doing with another woman? Wait? But that's all that's what I thought. It just wasn't there I was really hoping for. When she Baryl rolled out of the car after he set her packing, I was like, Oh, it wasn't good for you. I was like, go Caleb, because I just wanted. All she wanted to do was be like, did you not know before you didn't love

me before you fucked me? And uh and then of course he like sort of talked his way out of it. He is such a smooth operator with his words. I mean, he's very ever honest about it. Either. It's like if I'm gonna fucking marry someone, and I thought, really Andy Dorfman had the perfect opportunity to do it to Nick Vile when he uttered the now in my mind infamous line, how could you make love to me if you weren't

in love with me? The answer is I need to funk all three guys to see which one I'm gonna marry, And you got kicked off the next morning, motherfucker. Katie liked him. Katie wants to make out with him, just make out. Probably not the sact I liked. I have to say. In the Bachelor history, Nick was a great care He was a great sociopath of them all. I found him extremely watchable. Absolutely, I he's on team Nick over team Royd Face. I went to sea at the end.

But um, you guys, I could do a whole episode of Nick file. He's a fascinating character. And then at the end when they says, um, I can picture both Jojo and Lauren being my wife. You get the feeling that he really wants to go move to Utah and marry both jo double hug around the boat Jesus. When they've jumped in the waterfall, I was like, please make it shallow water. I could do without both of them. Quite frankly, I was. I was aiming for like a

shallow pool and some injury. I one time jumped into I took a jump off of a cliff and I had so much water rocket up my ain and I thought, I, uh, sorry, listeners, I'm sorry. I just that is all I thought about when I was watching. I was like, oh my god, what if that happened to like one of them. It was just like it was on spring break and college. I was at Lake Powell like with like a booze crew, and then there's like, oh, what do I do? Yeah,

everyone remembers were their first accidental enema. I did not know what or how to get to a restroom. It was tough. I did. I made it. I made it everybody. I did think the two L bombs. By the end of the show, I was angry. I was angry then I thought they were so fucking unnecessary. And I do think at the end of the day they both women, especially Lauren, are fairly all in with him. They definitely must think, well, you know, maybe not. Lauren was like maybe not. But I do think it was just such

a dick move, so immature, so immature. Well, it's like now whoever he picked has to sit and watch that. Yeah. And it's like I was going to talk. I guess he could say, like, way worse than it ever has been. Yeah, yeah, shows history. I was thinking also two things. One, he's going to talk his way out of it by saying like maybe the producer maybe say it or something like that. But he kept saying it. He kept saying, he kept

saying so many that's so fu up. Also, does this set like now another precedent for future Bachelor that is now a new phase of the show. You know how there's every like fourth episode that happen. Whatever you have to say I'm falling in love with you by a certain point, you have to kiss by a certain point, you have to do certain things by a certain points. The day after the fantasy suits, you will see two

girls or two guys told the person loves them. In virtually every season, I think now, so the phone call. Next two weeks the phone call said to his mom, who's the call to? I don't know. They're certainly teasing it to make it seem like he's had a change of heart, Like he picks one girl and then calls the one exciting. Maybe that's what I thought, that's what we've been talking about for weeks. But to me, when I'll get you to me, when I saw this time,

it wasn't as exciting. It wasn't as exciting. It almost seemed like I'm not saying this is going to happen. But to me, really quickly when I watched it, it almost seemed like he was calling her to be like, no, it's you, Like like because he's like, I can't wait to tell her right now, and then he starts dialing. I was like, is he giving our heads up on the limo right over? It was so weird. It looked totally the opposite of what it was teased to look like.

It almost looked like to me, he was calling her and be like it's you get here quick or something. Get the call. You know they gave him a phone. What do you think the phone call is? I mean, originally I didn't think it was like whoever got kicked off third? So Kayla, that's what I originally thought. I thought that was a good call. And then after everything that he said about Kayla last night, I was like,

it's not She's not so not after that date. I mean, maybe it is that quick that he like sends Lauren home and then he goes, fuck, what did I just do? He calls her, but like it just seems the parents are gonna like Lauren and he's a mama's boy. He's an only child, mama's boy, and the parents are gonna like Lauren. Specially. Yeah, he would have to come up with to please Jojo and those families standards because he's going to be working. He said, I put my brothers

on a pedestal. That's when because if she was like, you know what my brother saw, Like you know what I mean, it's the only way to make the last week Okay, Like my brother suck. I'm really sorry. They're real police everybody, we don't have to deal with them. But it said, she's like, I really put them on

a primistal. I idolized my brothers, like I forgot. When he sends Kayle off, he goes up almost so many things about you, and I don't want to like say them because it's gonna make it hard, like come up with start crying objection you say, I'm not that, I'm just not that into. It's the best thing you could ever say for real. Oh yes, real quick. You said that, Kayla. You like that. She got out of the car and asked that I did too. I was good for you. Yeah, exactly.

I agree with that. She was like the whole time, he was like telling her because she's crazy, because I told you she was secret crazy. I told you she was sad that she stood up for her too, don't you think you guys during the Rose or the Women Tell All next week or the Rose or whenever he's gonna happen, she's going to be smiling the whole time and dating someone and like everything's going to be totally fine. Everything will be totally fine, but it'll look like yeah, right,

actually right. I bet she's like, you know what it was, I'm totally over written. I've got Jeremy and Jeremy and I are right, You're right. But Chris Harrison Hi is a kite. Hi is a kite. He was whispering how did Yeah, that's when I thought, I love if one of the girls got weird, he wouldn't even know what to say, Like if it was an actual, for real moment, it's like, how do your day go? Oh? I said if she was just like it was just it was really awful. I just don't want to be here, And

he'd be like, Okay, ready to go downstair. He's not processing information like a Cuban being. He thought he was so high he's a pilot. Second, yeah, he's seen so much human misery it can't affect him at this point. It's so awkward. Also, when Lauren and Jojo were just standing there and Jojo tried to make nice Jojo tried to have and Lauren was like, I'm not right basically, like I got it, like that does It felt like

she's shut. Now. I get it, you're both in competition or whatever, but I feel like Jojo was trying to be a human for a second. I know you're not team Jojo. It's funny how you get an opinion and that's all you can see. Because I was like Jojo, I felt like was being a little bitchy at this Maybe she's not. She's not all bad. I just I just feel like I was so all in and now I'm just like, so, you're not even for her being

the bachelorette. I like Jojo quite frankly. If I could pick someone, just anyone, just give me someone New, I would do New over Jojo. If I had to Pickuree ladies like you picked, I mean I think you picked jo would be great. Let's start just like, let's let's create a hashtag like tweeting jubil for bachelor. And but by the way, thank you for everybody emailing and when people emailing it from Canada. Um, there's people who like

listen in Canada. This lady listens during her when her kid she like sits like in the car pool line and her like the mom, Yeah she's there's like there's a yeah, there's a gall In Europe, there's a guy who listens because his girlfriend makes him watch it. So appreciate you, guys, even who do you guys? First of all, what did you think of the fantasy suits at Rose Rose Podcast at gmail dot com. What did you think of Ben's tattoo? What did you do what Sandal's Jamaica?

And uh, what do you who do you think it's going to be the the final one and the Bachelorette. I just don't see him. Okay, I'm picking Laurens. Believe phone call. I know it's probably just editing and they're like the what's the phone calling? I know, like it's just a phone I swear to God, I feel like the phone call is just like it's you. I can't wait any longer. This was such a boring season. It was.

It was the most boring in recent memory since they've kind of shifted it into Bachelor three point Oh, this is the most boring of that era of the show for sure, because he made it boring because he's boring. Like at least with last season Lady Caitlin, she had some wonderful personality. She was very funny. It was kind of boring, but even he was a little more the women on his season, we're not boring. Yeah, the souls

was hot on. He had like there were steaks because whoever he chose had to move to a town with thirty people and try to not commit suicide and like or go on dancing with the stars of them and be in the media spotlight for the rest of their lives, they could also do that. Um, you guys, so, who's going to be the new bachelorette? Who do you think will be Jubilee? I'm hoping Jubilie, but I think maybe someone completely knew. I doubt it. I wish, I hope.

So I just feel like it's going to be Jojo, and I'm just gonna be like I've been doing some research online. Apparently it's never the number two, because it's never the number two except for the first very early on. I don't think it's going to be a ka dude number two only it was apparently the only time it was was the girl who married the fireman, wasn't desire?

Didn't you come in? Number two? She was? Apparently apparently because the blonde that got then married the dude and they had the worst after the rose ceremony of all time? Wasn't she a two? Oh? Um? The one where they like would yell at each other? Well, that was Jake. She never was the best, She didn't what was her name? She wasn't The woman went on to be the bachelor at and it was the guy that came back twice he picked her and then she Yeah, I don't forget

that name. Two. I think it has only been that one. I think apparently was only early on because I because I fell deep into the I felt deep into this online, and apparently because well apparently because they say that America doesn't like the idea that you've just gotten dumped because it happens all one night they announced in the person that night, So they don't like the idea that you're immediately like like so quick that you can be at and don't they usually do it next week or do

they do it? No, it can be done on the Women Tell All. Sometimes they do it on the after the Rose, and sometimes it's even after that. But sometimes it's even someone like one Pablo was like dumped way before and then he got chose interesting. It would be amazing if it was Jubilee, that would be great. I mean that would just be like, she's a goddamn war hero, she deserves love. She's not she's not that fun. I think she could be that that season would be insane,

would be she could be fun. I think she just like it's a very stressful environment. I think if it was flipped and she was in control, she would she would she would relax. I'll never forget her opening intro shot of her little kind of like piece about who she is. You know, little montages they do when they first introduced the new characters. She's like just shooting a rifle at at a fire range, but like a machine gun, not just like you know what I mean, You're like,

holy ship? Who um? Do you have any things you want to promote? Coming up? Next week? I'll be in Michigan Grand Rapids for Gilda rad Or Fest and then weekend after that Seattle adjacent Kirkland, Washington laughs, spot laughs great. Yes, I will be at south By Southwest next Friday, the first doing at midnight and we'll be live. It'll be fine. It'll be live on Periscope UM at nine pm Central Time, live on Periscope with Doug Benson and one of the Points Me winners and then uh and then we'll be

at Moon Tower Austin, Taxas. So I'll be in Texas a lot. Chad you anything you want. I'll be in my living room watching The Bachelor and do what's your Instagram account? It's called Bachelor Clues. Everybody we meet again, Nick Vilvo, Thanks guys, thank you, thank you. Oh yeah, I want to get all up tonight. So good. I'm just gonna wonder a question being, when you're except this roll aver, you accept this role into your word? Who your accept this rose into your word? Now leaving nice to dot com