"FEELING THORNY!" w/ Lauren Lapkus

the whole pandemic happened. We recorded this one in December. Um, Lauren Lobkis and I had just gone to New York together and I was asking her. I was like, I want to do something just sort of leading up to the publication of my book because I've had such a good time. As I mentioned last time, the publisher requested and a chapter about how I got from a small farm town with three thousand people in Rhode Island to getting to be on a on a TV show by my early twenties. And and um, I remember when I

was writing it, it felt incredibly painful to write. I felt like, who do you think you are? You're not Meryl Streep, like blah blah blah. So what. But I realized if I was a young version of me, if I was like eight year old Arden, I would I would want to know how somebody did that. And then I realized, like, oh, so many of my friends also grew up in small towns or did not grow up in Los Angeles or New York. They did not grow

up with connections. And it made me really curious about how people got started, what their families were like, and what made them tick. And so we recorded this in December, Anna, you were there. Lauren Lobkis, who is the star of The Wrong Missy, which if you guys have not seen that, it is so far. How good is Lauren in the Wrong Missy? She's great. I that movie really made me laugh. I mean, honestly so as a Netflix movie. It's it came out during the pandemic. She plays the Wrong Missy

and she it is such a star turn. I would say there's at least a dozen hard belly laughs, like it's she's such a star. And you know, there's so many other things that we talked about that you know her from, but that's the most recent thing. Um, And she's just a really nice person and I just found her. She's such a hard worker and she's such a good friend.

And I'm so excited for you guys to just get to know a lot of the people from our podcast, a lot of my friends a little bit better and just to sort of these are a little more intimate, a little more personal, and I hope you guys enjoy our second installment of Feeling Thorny with the lovely Laurens. Welcome to Will You Accept This Rose, a production of I Heart Radio. You know what time it is. It's time for hard to get a little close and a

little thorny. Well, it's gonna go one on one, gonna be hot energy phone convos are gonna be super real. She wants to get with you and all the fields. Feeling thorny, Yeah, feeling thorny. Whoa healing thy feeling thorny. We're notting movie, Yeah, healing thorny. Oh yeah, this is exciting. This is our first sidecar. It's our sidecar true, Yes, where you reach up this road. And guess what, guys, we have a new off sheet of the podcast for everybody,

for everybody. Yeah, yes, we accept this role. Oh my gosh, Hello, welcome to Will You Accept This Rose? My name is Arta Marine, and I am so excited to introduce a special side car offshoot of our podcast that I actually

came up with with our first guest. Um. One of the things I came up with this podcast, I think three or four years ago, thinking it would just be a fun thing to do to talk about The Bachelor with other funny people, break it down, you know, just just I thought it would just mostly be about the television show. And one of the things I found is that I am naturally a slightly socially anxious person and

it has expanded my life so much. I've gotten so many new friends because of this podcast, and I feel like I've been through so much in my life that as you guys have gotten to know me and you've emailed in and I've gotten to know you, I feel like it's truly the most important social action that I have in my life today. And with that, as my life is expanded. I actually sold a book that you can pre order now on Amazon. Apparently it's all about the pre orders if you want to get on the

New York Times bestseller Listen. I'm not gonna act like I don't. It's called Little Miss Little Compton and it's about it's funny stories about me growing up in Hollywood and stuff like that. But um, this is a podcast where I'm going to interview people in the sort of a more one on one intimate way and um, leading up to the launch of my book this fall. So I could not be more excited we came up with this.

This sidecar is called feeling a thorny. My my tongue said thorny when I did it, and that's gonna be every time. So you've heard a laugh. My first guest with me. You might know her from Orange Is a New Black. You might know her from Crashing. You might know her from the Between Two Ferns movie or one of her many pods asked. You might know her from her new Netflix movie The Wrong Missy. Ladies and gentlemen, Lauren Love Laura, thank you so much for coming on

the pod. IM so honored, and thank you for being my first guest. And I'm so excited. It's gonna be so great. We came up with this in New York City. We were on a trip. We were on a little trip just for fun, which is so rare. I don't think I had actually taken a real vacation. Well that's not true. The first real vacation I took was this summer to Rhode Island with you and your husband and Debbie, Ryan and Brian Sofie, and that was a real joy.

And then we're like, oh my god, let's get really crazy and let's go to New York for a week. It was so great. It was like one of the best trips ever, and I think it might be the best friend trip I've ever had. It was so and I was like, it was easy. It was so easy, and we were on the same we had the same desires throughout the day. Now I'm hungry, let's go it down and let's cancel that. Let's do that. It was very easy, and I never felt like you were letting

the other person down by wanting to change it. You know, some people can be like I thought we were going to do that. It's like, I don't care. I could not be happier. One of my favorite things in the world is to make a plan and then I have somebody canceled like an hour before, and people keep apologizing, but they don't realize that the person inside of me that is a little socially anxious that I am so proud of myself that I made the plan and I could not be happier that I don't have to do it.

I did it recently when I was going to go to dinner with a friend that I really like and it's like always a fun time, but I was like, I just don't feel like going out tonight, and it was like four hours before dinner and I was just, yes, I don't have to yes see each other again. I'm just going to cancel. And then I did feel a little bad because I have I don't know what her stances on that kind of thing, but I felt so relieved for myself. I was like, like, oh wow, why

do I ever make any plans? This is I should just never make plan. No. I have been in a real Boo Radley mode, right, I have been real into our cat mode lately. But um, I do know I need I forced myself well. Actually talked about that a lot in my book. I do talk a lot about so um, just a little preview. I I feel my parents married on a dare. They weren't dating, and they

moved from man dared them. They dared each other. I know it's they were co workers and they got two weeks of vacation a year, and then if you went on a honeymoon, you got like an extra two weeks. So they were like trying to come up and think way to beat the man. And then so my dad was like, I think they were like having cocktails or in New York City, you know, it's like New Year's Eve. And my dad was like, if we get married, we'll go down to South America for a month, Like I'll

pay for the vacation. We can come back and we can get it annulled. And then my mom called the next day and she upped the auntie and she was like, I'll do it, but I'm getting it annulled. And so she borrowed her best It's nice. So that's how the book starts. And she borrowed her best friend Arden's wedding dress. They never told my grandparents. And then they actually got married. So then they moved this tiny town called Little Compton,

Rhode Island. It has like three thousand people. You've been there, I have I feel very special because I guess not that many people have. No. It's the tinest town ever. And uh but I I feel like it was a really fun house. But it was there's a side of me that because it was sort of a lawless way that they got married. There was we you know, my brother and I are both insomniacs. It was sort of this lawless house and so we're trying to figure out

how normal people exist. I I put I make planned just because I think I'm like other people do, but it's not my natural inday. Yeah, you know, I think you're right. I think I relate to that too, that like I feel like I'm supposed to because I was like, oh, when you're like an adult, you go to drinks with people and have dinner with people, and I think, I

I don't care about that. And I think if I think of having this realization right now where I'm I, oh, I think I don't care, like I think I every time I'm getting close to a dinner plan, except for I will say we have a dinner plan that is like every month with me and Brian Sofie, and we have the best time. But that's when I never that's our allum, that's our illuminati. But even when I only make plans of people I like, So it's not even like I don't like anyones. It's that I just don't

want to. I would rather literally just both sit on the couch and do nothing, or like go shopping or do something. Can I tell you how much like I have to say, this podcast has made me feel better in general because I feel like I can chat with people and relate and have people to my house and stuff like that. But it also makes me feel better to hear because I think of you as a very well adjusted person, and you here you appear like you

would want It makes me feel better. Do you force yourself? Oh? Yeah, well I think I fill my calendar because that's how I end up doing things, Like if I'm like, oh, well, I make a dinner plan, but I'll make it like three weeks away, and then I don't think about that later, and then three weeks always comes and all the things that you've said you were going to do there, and then I'm like, this week is really full because I just like jam packed it full of everything I have

to do. So I'm also trying to be better about not doing that and just saying even if I like, let's say someone asked me to a podcast or something, but it's like I'm doing something later that day, I'll say that day doesn't work, I'll pick a different day because I'm like, then I'm gonna be going from thing to thing to thing the whole day and then I have to go to dinner with somebody that I made

a plan with. And you know, also, I wanted to be known if anyone ever wants to cancel on me, you were more than oh my god, I'm jealous that I'm jealous of the friend that you canceled on her. I know we're getting dinner in like a week now, because then I was like, it would be, it would be done. But then I'm like, I like her and this is fine. So it's not really about checking it off the list, about wanting to enjoy myself, so I should do it on a day where I feel like it.

Um let me wre you girl. Okay, how did your parents meet? They met? Um, they were neighbors in an apartment building in Chicago. And there's a story with it that basically my mom pretended to get locked out of her apartment and that she had to climb through his balcony or something to get to hers. But it was it was not real, like she was pretending attention. Yeah, and he just didn't care, Like he let her in and like let her go do it, and like it

just didn't register as like anything. That's amazing. Yeah. I don't really know what happened after that, like how they started dating, but that was the first thing. My mom noticed him and was like, oh, I like him. But and you have a brother, Yeah? Is he older? Yeah, he's three years older, so it's mine. And um, were you were you popular in school? Like, how was middle school for you? You've seen my middle school photo? Yeah, I don't know. I should show you some of mine.

I don't know if I have any readily available. But I was not popular, but I wasn't like a total sad sack. I feel like I fell into a comfortable range where like I could talk to popular kids and sometimes I was friends with them, but not to the point where I would go hang out with them like after school, but in the moment, I could like talk to them at lunch and sometimes sit with them. But I had my group of friends as well, and so

we kind of were a middle group. Yeah. Yeah, were you a class like were you sort of the entertainer like people I hate the phrase class clients. I wasn't a class clown, but I hate that to Really, it was like I just talked, and so I felt free to and confident to just talk whenever I wanted a class, and a lot of times it would be just something funny that I wanted to say. Um, but it wasn't usually to distract. It was mostly that I just thought of something funny about what we were talking about or

something like. I just had like a sarcastic comment or something for everything, and a lot of my teachers, um, like I didn't. I never got in trouble for it. They always seemed to like it, or at least be like, it doesn't matter. First kiss who. I was a junior in high school, okay, and it got really built up in my head for that reason because it was like everyone it was me and another friend had not done it.

So we kind of were like looking to each other like hell, oh my god, everybody in my class was boning. Oh my god, I think they all were. Everybody. I just was like just I wanted to, but I didn't understand how you got there, and like it just was such a far off idea. That's how I felt honestly most of my life, Like I think now with Tinder and stuff, like, it's so much easier. I know people

think that females like, oh you could. I really could not in envision in scenario where I would be like with my clothes off at the end of the night with somebody, even like my twenties, like oh yeah, it's hard to be, like, how do you get that? I couldn't figure out how what would happen during the day that would lead me to meeting somebody, meeting a person

and just hooking up with them. I don't figured out couldn't figure out how you would go on dates, like I couldn't figure out how to get a boy friend.

I think I lack the necessary um trust in everyone to be willing to just have a one night stand with a stranger I've never met, Like God, But then these people must be like thinking everyone is ultimately fine or that nothing bad will happen to them, Like, I don't know how you're getting yourself in that situation without my My first impression has to be like incredible of somebody if I'm going to talk to them for longer

than five minutes. Of someone, I'm just meeting I truly mean, I mean, I know lots of people hook up all the time, like and I would we probably alien And I envy that I had such anxiety and fear of diseases just for me too. I fear diseases more than I was, Like I I was the makeup bandit for a while, like in my twenties. But it was just I was fully convinced there was there was no way that I was not going to get some terrible disease.

Oh yeah, I mean I was. I wouldn't even kiss people if I didn't really like them, And then if I really like to them and I kissed them, I probably get over them right away. Like it was like people would get so mad at me, and I have to say, if if I wasn't me, I would and I was on the receiving end, I would also think you're a garbage person. Yeah, it's annoying. Okay, So who

was the first kiss? Junior high? Um? This guy that I went to school with, um and he was we were in the theater department together and he was a senior and I was a junior and I still know him. So it's like weird because I'm not going to name him, but I didn't name him on another podcast, I think. And then, um, everyone in my high school was like texting me about it because it apparently somebody somebody spotted mine. Mine was eighth grade. Oh that's good, that's like, that's

a good one. Ninth grade, ninth grade. I was late ninth grade, ninth grade. But I was young from my class. I was probably I was old. I was seventeen, God bless you, that's how old I was when I lost my virginity. And I was late. Wow. But I was also too young for my class. So it was like right before high school graduation. And I figured in my brain the side of me that was afraid of diseases. That was like, I can do it with one of these high school guys because I know where they've been

once I get out of here, the pools too. I just got to get it done with one of these dumb dumbs. And I did. Ye. Thank you so much. Have you ever heard from that person again or seeing them again. I liked him so much more than he liked me, and um, and he it was terrible. He slept with another girl the next day, like my friend. Yeah, And then at a reunion, He like tried to hit on me, and I remember being so excited to kind of be like, you know, we were supposed to go

on another date. I dated him for a while and then we went on like he was supposed to go on a date with me, and he didn't call me in time. I was like, I'm unavailable anymore, and I was like, yes, you know, just that sort of wonderful final revenge. Oh, bone zone, time for the bone zone. M So what one of the things I talked about in the book I keep edging closer. Um, I feel like some of this stuff growing up in my house felt I mean, I guess I would imagine most people

feel like this. I mean, I think honestly like living life and adulthood is sort of like there's part of it is people tell you things, and then part of it is to choose your own adventure of like you have to figure it out on your own. But there are so many things that I feel like I know now that I wish I knew it, like one or twenty two creatively, or like what if you could go back in time and tell young Lauren Law because if

you think, what would you tell her? Well, Yeah, I do think you have such a good point that so much of it is like you have to figure it out yourself, just with life and with career stuff. I think, especially in entertainment industry, like nobody is explaining things to you, and there are so many mistakes you kind of have to make. I guess even if someone told you probably

still make the same mistakes. So like, like I mean, I think with like auditioning or things like that, like where it's you have to Like when I think back to myself when I was first auditioning, I think I put so much pressure on myself and would freak out over like things that ultimately never got made. You know. It's like the stakes were so low for the audition, especially the things I was getting auditions for when I was like especially in Chicago or new when I was

young and just starting. But I would tell myself not to worry about it so much and then it's not going to matter, and that it'll all be fine and this is all experience and like every time you go you'll learn, you learn something about yourself and like how to handle it. But I don't think I could have understood it because I had to go through all these awkward moments and just suck a bunch and then realized

that that's what it was like. It takes a while to realize how many days of people they're auditioning, because you think it's just like you versus the late and you're like, no, they've been seeing people like all of March. You know, like you're one of fifty that I looked at and the competition is really against yourself. How do you prepare for an audition? UM, I will print out the sides, which is like the audition scene material and for people out there who don't know and like I

might not explain it to you, what is that? Wait? What is that? I don't know what that is. I don't know that. I don't know what that is. How did I get into this building? I don't know what is happening. But I'll print it out and then like depending on how much time I have, a lot of times auditions will be like it's tomorrow, I cancel everything.

You have to be there. And I've been trying to fight back against that because I realized that there's always more days and like you said, they're always auditioning people forever, and like they can see me next week. Yeah, it's fine, and I'd be better if I got to read this

more than once. So I'll print it out and then I'll kind of leave it around my house and then like you know, glance at it a little bit every day, and then the day of the thing, I'll like focus for like an hour and a half on it and I'll drive there and then sit in my car for like ten minutes reading it over and over, just just reading it without looking I mean, what looking at the page,

not trying to pretend I know it. Yeah, So I have it because I think part of my thing is anym a visual learner, where I can see the words in my head. If i'm if I have to think of my next line, I can kind of see it. So if I read it a lot before I go in, it's kind of in my head more. I love that. But yeah, it's a very um possibly lazy process. Sometimes I hear about people who get like acting coaches for auditions, and I'm like, oh, I guess I never thought of that,

Like I like, but but it's working for you. It's fine, it's fine, But I think that there are people where like they do that, and it's really great for them, So I don't know. I hire somebody just to help to run it, just to help you learn it. Also, my eyes I've gotten worse, so like it's hard for me and I don't have the kind of eyes that can wear contacts, and like see, I can't. It's either

it's one or the other. I can either see the person I'm reading against or I can see the words on the page, and so I try to memorize it. Then I have to because I literally can't look and see it. I can't. That's better, though. Do you ever have moments where you forget? Yeah, it's gotten. I mean I have to say this new. Not being able to see a thing has been as a real drag. I get it. I I usually get in my tub and I will just say it out loud like ten times.

Like for me, it's just it's just to repeat it. And then I try to run it with somebody else. I mean I run it with Mike too, so like

we'll like sit there and do it. But that can be risky when you do it with your partner, Like I think if you have an outside person that you're talking to help because he and I will kind of get annoyed with each other and we do the same thing to each other that we both don't like, Like we'll start correcting the line that you're saying, like it's actually this, and I was actually saying something very similar to that. I'm just trying to prove that I can

kind of get through this. Like it's not a memorizing contest. It's not like they I think they figure out at some point if I say lamb, I can also say sheep, you know, like if they get I'm not gonna lose the part if I get that word row. But I used to feel like if I messed up that part, then I like then that was it for me. Like

it's a fine line of yeah. But thinking also about your question, it's like when I was younger, before getting to do anything like that, I think one of the things I would have told myself, or I wish I could tell myself, is that you don't need to be in a relationship. But I think that part of my desire my entire life to have a boyfriend or whatever like made it so that when I was finally getting attention for people that I liked, it was really hard to not want to give into that like, oh, this

is great, I got what I wanted. How old were you and where were you when you started getting attention? Um, I think from I think probably like nineteen, like right when I was in college and doing improv, and I didn't get mail attention until Chicago at nineteen, and it was like the first time in my life. And I don't know if this is the same. I would imagine it's similar where I felt like starting to do improv

Olympic in Chicago and and being a teenager. But they were all like so talented and slightly older, but all of a sudden you feel like you found your people, and then all of us like I didn't make sense, like as a lady, I went to the wrong college. I went to college in Colorado just like yeah, like and like male witches. There was a guy. There was a male witch and he had like all these ferrets and stuff, and I didn't make sense as a lady there.

But then all of this when I did a semester in Chicago, which is where it sort of started for me and I it was the first time I got male attention, and I felt like the lights came on both as a person of like seeing inspiring like what you could do and creatively and seeing so many talented people, like right before they went to Second City and right before they got Yeah, the people that you were around

that time are some of the household names now. Like it's not like because people were just some I mean some of them were like shlubby, weird guys, but like a lot of them were extremely talented people who was there when you were there? Oh god, I mean there were so many great people. I'd have to let's see. Um. I mean, they're not all men that I had interest in or anything. But I could just name random people that were there. But Vanessa Bear and I want an

improp team together. Um, Paul Branton who went on too S and L and um. Everyone says Vanessa's lovely. She is, She's so great, She's really nice. Um. Well, a lot of them like our writers and stuff now. But I mean I could name people and go on, but they're like people who are just so funny and so pat O Bran, Well, Michael brand is his name now? He was on he created a p bio and he changed his name. Wait his first name why, I don't know.

I think his name he might have been going by his middle name at that time, and maybe there's another So you so you started getting male attention and then you hooked you well, And I had a boyfriend from high school that I was with into college and like that probably ran its course before I was aware, But then I was also like I liked the familiarity of the of having a relationship with the constant and like

knowing that or something. Um but really like, yeah, there's just I just look back and think, like, oh, I was probably like too. I don't know what I was worried about, but I would have given myself the freedom to just be alone for more of that because I think I always had a boyfriend throughout that time. It's so interesting just again, look when I look back on stuff, and I try to look back with compassion, but it's like you're navigate. It's it's like these are this is

the gas that's in your tank. This is like the road map you were given and just sort of trying to navigate that that particularly that age I feel like eighteen to like twenty four. It's whether you go to college or not. You know, but you're starting to it's not quite the same routine. That's it's starting it's getting becoming an adult. Yeah, And I think when I think of myself at that age, I was such a kid, Like I'm imagining myself in college, like and how I was,

and I'm like, I was a kid. I didn't know anything. I felt really confident within the comedy community and like that gave me so much, but then outside of that, I didn't really know where I fit in. So at school, I feel like I didn't bond with people very much because I was kind of seeing it as two different worlds, or like I go to school just to get a degree and I go out here to be myself and

have my life. Yeah, just the idea that I would I went to school like I saw it as two different worlds, where like I was going to school to get a degree and that was the focus of that time. And then when I was not in school, I was performing and that's where I was really myself and where I really made friends who really understood me. I didn't really feel like I could find that at school and have that as well, even though I'm sure there were a lot of people who were like me. Um, but

it just felt like I couldn't. Did you do like classes and perform on the weekends. I performed almost every night of the week, like I was like doing it and the playground and like a random like second Skybox shows. Chicago is so great. It's the best. But I mean, I think that maybe was doing myself a disservice in the sense that I felt really socially anxious whenever I was outside of that realm, like I was like putting

all my eggs in that basket socially. And then kind of in my college experience, I was like nervous to talk to people my own age. That's how I mean, truly, I I got into other schools to transfer, but I couldn't afford to go. So but I was, you know, doing Chicago, and then I went worked at Conan. It was I kept getting on these kept figuring out ways to get credit and kind of living the beginning of

my professional and like real life. And then so there was lots of lovely people at my school, like I you know, I graduated on time, but there was something it was sort of like, oh, now I have to go do this, like you know, like I just wanted to get going, I know, and I wonder if I'm still doing some of that, Like now that I'm hearing it and even hearing you relate to it, I'm like, oh, do I still sometimes compartmentalized in that way or like, um,

not not allow for connection in certain ways, Like I think when I was first getting acting roles, I was really anxious about chatting with other people. Like the idea of eating lunch the work day was like really stressful to me, to the point where I'd be like, oh no, that's one of my first thoughts about getting a job, But now I have to figure out lunch. I literally in the book, I wrote a chapter you know you've been to my I grew up in next to like a field that has a like a a to to

train like a caboose filled with chicken. You know, there's no stoplights, there's a general store. And then and then at twenty two, like being like actually being on a sitcom and then doing episodes of shows that I grew up It was just my dreams, like and actually getting the thrill of booking a job in the last or about two seconds, and then the immediate terror of who

am I going to have lent to it? Um having to talk to people act like a normal but One of the things that I've been giving myself the liberty of doing, which I don't know if this is good or bad, is that I'll just eat alone in my trail. I eat my trailer, and I think, I personally, I think I need this because I will be like my social battery is drained from just like chatting on set and all the other hours of the day. It's a twelve hour work day, I need to be alone for

thirty minutes and that's okay. I've started also doing a thing because I get nervous. I've started doing things so that I don't have my baby blanket where I make myself leave my phone in my room so that I can't hide in it. And it forces me again because I get nervous around people. But once I get to know somebody one on one, and like once I take the even inviting you to New York, like taking the

risk of like and we were already friends. But it's like, oh, there's five days, you know, like, um, you know the healthy risk, which is why then I can go eat alone on my trailer because I've been you know, but you've been pushing yourself in the other hours. But I forced myself to to leave it so that I I I am, I can just somehow try to find a calm within myself and not and not be disconnected, and so I have to talk to people or just be quiet.

I mean, it would be nice if it was a rule that everyone had to problem because I think everyone's on the phone. Everyone's on their phone, but it's on the phone. I also try to bring a book because I just prefer for myself. I'm on my phone too much, Like, Okay, this is better for me. My brain just feels better

from just looking at paper that like. But I think people can see that as socially cut off in a way where you're right now, she's just going to read right next to us, which is actually more open for conversation than being on your phone, because I have no idea what you're doing on there. I don't know how important it is. Oh no, I don't know if you're

just scrolling. It's so terrifying when you see known who are who have you been the most intimidated, Like when you're like, oh my god, I'm so excited to book this, but now I have to actually go execute it, Like were you nervous to go fill the movie with John c Riley and Will Feral. Yes, I was, And I was nervous because I had we had like a few weeks of rehearsals and stuff. My character has no lines until the end, so I really felt like, oh, am I like a worthless part of this, Like do I

need to be rehearsing this because they should? This is like they have a lot of lines. Yeah. Yeah, Um. So I was nervous that I was like a third wheel or something, you know, or fourth wheel, which but you know what I mean, but like they're like, oh, this is like unnecessary. Um, but but yeah, I think And I definitely felt that way because I was in London for like three and a half months doing that movie where I had to fill my own time. But I didn't want to bother anyone and like suggest that

we get dinner. I would never like, even when it did happen a couple of times, but I'm like, I'm not going to be the one to suggest this. It's hard being a guest star to like going in when people have a set like the eight Year, basically you are the guest at somebody else's Thanksgiving and you were the cousin that got brought by the cousin that got brought by, like you are the plus twelve, like you're way out, and so like for like orange is the

new black, that must be that's the same. That's rifle describing, because I mean I think it was like literally number like sixty something on the call sheet. There's so many people, and it was intimidating because I was coming into a world I basically really only done multicam stuff before that, and then flying to New York for it, and like sleeping on my friend's couch because it was local higher meaning you have to pay for your own way and they don't set you up at a hotel or anything.

So he was sleeping on a couch, sleep in a couch, then going to work at five am. But all these people who seemed to know each other really well because they were all in New York together, and they were all in more episodes together than I was, spending more time together. That's hard. And everyone was really nice, but it was still the feeling of like just inside myself,

Oh how do I That's hard? But I do think like going through like big life things has been helpful for me because I've been able to put things in the perspective more. And at that time of my life, I hadn't really had anything that hard happened to me, so it was like kind of hard to see it as not being a huge deal. But like I don't know what to say to those people. Are what am I going to talk about? Or what am I gonna

Who'm I gonna sit with? Like I feel like now I'm more like, all right, everyone's got their own ship. I don't care. I have my problems that I have to deal with, and I've intentionally gotten and I honestly the large part of it has been doing the podcast. Like I've gotten I forced because I see that it makes me happy. So I've gotten a little bit. I've taken some healthier risk of getting a little more social.

But I did notice that, like I did this horror movie like a year ago with Rebecca Romain and Jerry and they said that they were staying in a much fancier hotel. I was at some like crappy residence in and they kept like inviting me to meals, and apparently every time I'd be like just text them like no, I'm walking. I was always walking to trade or jealous just like the lone wand like not even in the car, like I'm walking like on like and it wasn't even

like a pretty sidewalk. It was like a weird word roadway in Dallas. I'll be walking on like this weird. Not in those situations so often when you're shooting something in a weird place, I'll just walk to the movies and it's like two miles away. I thought I thought they were like so literally they forced me. They asked me like four times. I was always walking on a roadway to Trader Joe's. And then finally I was like okay, like because I get nervous, So I was like, it's

the equivalent of hiding in my trailer. It's like, no, I'm just gonna I think they don't really want to invite me. Yeah, they don't. They feel like they have to, so event and then eventually, like so we did have a really good time and we had a lot of meals together. But it takes me a beat two. It takes me. It's like a healthy risk, and not all

of them payoff. Have you had like weird I'm sure this happens to everybody in adulthood where you've moved away from home and you're trying to find your new friend group and you have like a girlfriend meal and that like you know, you didn't go anywhere, and like it's like, yeah,

you've like shared way two intimate things. We only have had one and then like you never have another man and then you bump into them and you know that at one point in time you had like some weird like salad and somebody shared something terrible about their parents.

Have you had that. I've had a bunch of those, but I kind of forget who they are, like, and then I'll remember, like randomly, like I ran into somebody recently and I always like seeing her and I was like, oh yeah, and then like whatever, I was said high for two seconds, and then I was in the car later and I was going, oh, yeah, we went to I tried to get lunch and what was that about? And why didn't that work out? And like I guess we didn't have the chemistry or something, But like, isn't

that weird? It's I courted you, I asked, it's interesting when you have like a bodge friend meal in Los Angeles because sometimes like the bodge friend Meal, I had a couple of meals with somebody who then went on to become very famous and then like I think I think maybe she would acknowledge if she knew me now, but I think she just because she just like outstratosphered me, like she ran up to you know, she's probably goes to like the met Galan. Now. I don't know if

I if I have anything like that. We're like, I don't know if I know somebody who became mega famous, unless it's like some comedy dude, I don't care or something, but not like somebody like that where I would be like, dude, I don't remember me exactly. Do you know who I am? Mr? Up? Do you remember me? We had that good time together.

But I think I have a bit of am Like my brain will block out things that are uncomfortable, so I'll just go like I kind of forget that I had that encounter with your person, and then I'll like it'll just pop in my head and I'll think, what do they think of that today? They forget or what I know? There's one, Yeah, there's one that was like very open, and I almost think it's not even on purpose because it's like so hard as an adult to kind of reach out. But then it's like for time

number two, it's like who's going to set up the second? Yes, I don't know, But then I wonder what are we doing? Like this is part of the time about why are we Why are we making dinners? Why are we blowing out? We all just want to be watching? So what is the idea? Because we also all plenty we have plenty of people to talk to her hang out with them. What do we do? What do we do? So when you set up a new date, what are you doing

with that? What's the intention? So are you planning to now become friends where you see each other all the time? It's kind of hard just to get together with people you already That's how I feel. So I'm doing one of these, Um, so what are you doing? Going on? I'm gonna have a double date Okay, And I'm actually I think it'll be fun and I'm looking forward to I don't know the people, um but I'm looking forward to it. But I also go, wait, do they really want to do? Like do we all want to do? It?

Left to your own devices? Like just garbage planet, just left your own garbage devices, dream world. If you could get paid to have your own garbage existence? What would

you do all day? Oh? Wow? And like, okay, you know, I think I would actually like to have a healthy existence if someone's going to pay me for my life, which I should think of that as being what my life is anywhere, but um, I would like to be I would have like a trainer, I have a chef who makes all my meals, and then I would just have people over to like smoke weed and watch movies or go like, you know, sit outside under the stars kind of thing I don't really need to be doing,

like meet new friends dinner at a restaurant. Can you find them? Do you remember what they even looked like. I'm so glad that I got in with you two years ago before your friend wouldn't because I don't want to be like a no new friends, no but open hearted. I just fe you are busy. The eagle is landed. I want you to speaking of busy. Since I've never ever watched The Real Housewives, and since New York I've chose New York, I've started with New York. I'm eleven

episodes into season eleven of New York. I am obsessed with lou Anne. Yeah, I love lu Anne. I love Luanne. She's still doing her cabaret. She is absolutely she comes to l A sometimes we gotta go see the cabaret. I love And even though I made fun of the cabaret, I loved it. I was you have to have you were so great on that show, Thank you, but it was it was I felt bad about making fun of I love lu Anne. I and I remember when Bethanny

and she was retiring. Both Brian Sofie and my brother who is not the guy, they both explained to me that she's the greatest housewife, that it's actually a huge travesty that she's retiring. I have to say. And I know I'm catching her in her twilight hours of She's spectacular. Yeah, she's I get it. Possibly psychopath. She intimidates me, she scares me, she scares me. Um is Dorinda dum dum

Dorinda's um. My perception of Direnda's that possibly she. I'm sorry I love Direnda because she might be an alcoholic cood for the problem I love. I'm so I don't

I think indos spectacory. No. Well, sometimes yesterday I was dressed a certain way and I was like Oh my god, I think I'm turning into There's I had on like a cut of a dress and I was like, I was it had a slate and I had like a was sort of it was almost like a fit and flair, you know, and I and I had like a bow in my hair, and I was like, I'm one step I'm one step too poor to be Tinsley Mortimer. No, you know what I was asking, is it dum dumb? Yeah. Yeah,

she's an airhead, but she's a lovable airhead. But she also made to have a drinking problem. When I look at these women, for how much they drink, I would waste seven hundred pounds. Oh wow, it would be a huge problem in my life if I drink anywhere near the amount that any of these people drink. It is.

It is alarming because I also just think, wow, when I'm like, I don't know, in my fifties, would I want to be getting trashed with my friends to the point where we're like making out like it just they keep making out and then and oh see they were making out a time. Sonia is so hot for Bethany Yeah, and um on o c if you start watching Tamarra and Bronwyn like made out like a ton of this last episode, like they are going to have sex. So this is not a joke. I have to be I

I never watched it. I love that there's no men, that they're all loaded. They and they're just sort of good sports. They just dive in and they put on their one piece base. They think they know they look great, They're ready. Yeah there. I kind of love when they get the fact that they get trash helps them to just like go with It's a lot of booze that because I first, again, I've never seen any episode, so whenever I've walked, certainly I've been places where it's on

and I was like, oh, that feels really fake. All I can say is that my only knowledge is the New York one. I'm like, oh no, these ladies have been this is a decade long. They're all famous now. There's so much alcohol. This is simmering decades of resentment and I and friendship. I love it. There's a dog on this glass as his dog. He's in an outfit. It's his birthday. It's just he's one today. It's his birthday. He's in an outfit. Is his outfit he's in an out. Sorry,

you don't even understand what I'm saying. Exciting, look at that Look at that picture. Look at that picture. That was really alarming. I didn't know there was a room up there. I want to ask you one thing. Yeah, I feel like you have really good self confidence and you don't doubt your create your voice and your creativity. And I feel like more and more you're leaning into this is what I want to do, This is what I like to do. Like, how what advice would you

give to younger Lauren? Did you always have that? Did you ever doubt your own voice? Where did that come from? Definitely doubted it and I still doubt it sometimes. But I feel like what helps me is seeing other people going for it, because then I think, why should be going for it? Like, I mean, it's all subjective, so why should I not put my thing out into the world.

But when I look back at myself, I was pretty blindly confident when I was younger, which was good, but I think I would have worked a little harder, um to make tangible things. I was like constantly doing improv but um that which was great because it built up my entire like comedic perspective, and I feel like I still lean on all of the stuff that I like,

you know, honed in those years. But at the same time, it would have been cool if I had like pushed myself to write things or you know, just see what that would have been. I just didn't really know how to even begin. And I still feel kind of like, um, stuck with that stuff. But I know I can do it. It's just a matter of like sitting down. And that's also part of it. I feel I don't enough time in the day. I like, look at my day and I go the day is gone. I have to see

I have to go have dinner and drinks. Now that's the kind of thing will drive me crazy where I'm gone all these days? Am I getting? Am I running on to dinner when I would we rather eat for two seconds at my table and then just work on something or like sit and think. I want to just be very honest as far as because I agree with you and this is the truth of like writing this book is the the I'm always been a sprinter, not a marathon person and has read it and has read

the book. Um I have I if I can't get it done in a night, I'm not gonna do it, like and I will stay up all night and I'll do it, but like, you can't do that with a book. And and here's what I want to say to anybody out there that like just to dispel the myth. Literally some days it was writing, so I have to turn off internet and I will set a timer. And literally part of the book was just fifteen minutes a day.

It was not four hours. The most I ever wrote ever was maybe maybe three hours, but that was the most. Most days it was like one hour. But if you actually sit down like assid in the seat and do twenty minutes thirty minutes, like I have such a d D and in fear particularly I've never written a book, you know, so just that it was, it was it's just facing calming down your own interfere and chatter, throwing up a bad version onto the page. So I picked

I love Michael's Craft Stores, so I picked her. Like, I'm just going to Michael's and I'm getting the material and then I'm going to organize it afterwards, because sometimes things can become so huge in your head that it feels impossible to put it down. And even something like I was I'm trying to think about a thing that I want to do, and I was like, okay, why don't I start with making a list of what that involves? And then I did that and I was like, I

don't not have a page of like a plan. Well, it's not like it's that complicated, but part of it is when it's just swirling in your head and you don't put anything down, it feels like it never moves forward.

It's that next indicated action. I also get that for me, so I get I get big idea, but then I get overwhelmed me and and sometimes I'll have the enthusiasm but like something again, like a book or something else, but like for now, just referring to the book like it was, you can't sustain crazy enthusiasm for as long as it takes to there's gonna be some days where

you don't freaking feel like. So for me, next indicated action is sort of I know my own brain and I did not write the first chapter first, like, so it's like, next first indicated action is like, let me just write down all the stories that I might want to tell, like just make a list, um, you know, and sort of organized it like after the proposal. After that I started, I did not write it in order,

so it's like, what's the easiest chapter. So for me, it was also like what's the least personal chapter, Like what's like this the lowest hanging fruit that's sort of like a funny story that maybe I've told before, Like what's the easiest one to start with? And then I honestly at first just did word count. So it was like, Okay, I'm gonna just write a thousand words today, and and then going through phases you know that, but it's just

like next indicated action was like writing another thousand words. Well, yeah, I think sometimes I really thrive with a deadline, which I sounds like you were too. Like in school, I would like stay up all night and I would, but I'd be like, I mean, wouldn't step on night. I would be like, I have to be done by midnights, and I would just like crank it out by midnight or never and then go to bed. But so I worked really well with like a finite amount of time.

So when I have an idea and I'm like, well, I how it doesn't have to happen at any point, so what But I I like recently had to write an article for something and like, I did it in an afternoon because I knew they were expecting it. So part of it is that. But I get scared to tell other people the plan for them to give me the deadline. Oh, no, I know, I don't want to

do that. No, I know, I know, I din't. I wouldn't want you to know that I didn't complete it, like I know, And even then I'm like, I know, I got to complete it for art, and you know, and then panic. I'm weirdly private about weird certain things because it's mostly it's mostly because I it's just my own fear that I can't execute this. Yeah, and I hate when I in the past, when I've talked about something a lot and then I don't do it. I'm like, everyone knows I wanted to do that thing and I didn't.

I know, we were like, whatever happened? I just started Netflix. I discovered Netflix. Um, okay, Final Questions, Bachelor Bat You're at the Bachelor Mansion. You're getting out of the limo. What do you wear opening night? Oh my god? You know what if I really wanted to have a chance, Yeah, what do you wear? I'd wear what I would wear

any day, like jeans and a T shirt. Okay, imagine showing up like nice hair and makeup and everything like I'd done, but not too much, just like what you would wear for like a nice love picture of yourself, nothing uncomfortable. And then I'd be able to be myself, because I think it was hobbling around in some fucking like tight dress with all these other women who would be insecure, and then I'd be like, funck you guys, I wore a sweatshirt and then I would look really cool.

I love that. Okay, I'm gonna I'm gonna just leave with this, any any final words of wisdom for young Lauren out there. In my recent show with Wild Horses, my improv team, we were talking about kabbala names whatever, where it's like your big your your name of like what your thing is, and Stephanie Allen was saying that hers was big picture, and then we were kind of coming up with her own knife and mine. All I

could think of was just do it. So I decided that I was Nike, the goddess of you know whatever, doing ship, and so that would be my thing to my younger self is just do it because I love that I had it within certain areas, but I didn't have it in every area. And I still feel that way, like I still feel like I need to keep telling myself my mantra, but I want to. I want to give that to my younger self or anyone out there

who feels like I didn't have the direction yet. Just start doing stuff that you are interested in and just do it and don't think too hard about what it leads to, but think about how it feels to do it. I'm gonna piggyback on that because I agree with you, and I'm gonna just yes, and what you just said. I think it's okay to not tell everybody in your life because there's a lot of naysayers out there who they might be if they're stuck or whatever, and they

don't necessarily realize they're doing it. They think they're protecting you, like I don't want you to get your hopes up, Like I hate that, Like let me get my hopes up. I'm an adult. I can handle being disappointed, you know, Like it's okay if it's like picture like a little baby chick, that it's okay to protect your little secret dream that you're working on. You don't need to hand it over to everybody, and while while it's growing. I like that. Just do it, okay. Final question from the

Bachelor who said the following quote, it's trivia. Yeah, okay. Deep intellectual things are just my jam Was that Karin? Was that Olivia or was that Jade? Deep intellectual things are just my jade? That was Olivia saying, oh my god, you know what what Lauren Lakis, thank you know, you were the Nike goddess of just do it. You told me to do this, and I'm doing I'm so excited

you're doing it. I think it's gonna be great. And this is leading if you want to if you want to pre order, apparently you need to sell eight thousand books to get on the New York Times bestseller and so we please buy eight everybody buy it. Please. I'll pay you. This is your way of showing your appreciation for this podcast that has given you so much over the years. It takes so little on your part. I mean, just do it. I truly I really feel this way.

This is like the same thing as basically somebody like pasting their go fund me, like just go donate by buying a book helping. I will decide if anybody brings it, literally, even to the grocery store that I'm at. I will sign any book that anybody, but I'll drive a picture. Every listener on this episode bought it. Oh my god, how amazing would it be? And if you're the person going, well, it's not gonna be me, you're working with the whole deal because if everybody did it, so I want. My

dream is to be a New York Times bestseller. You need to sell eight thousand coffee and do that. Do that, you can do it. Everybody. Just go buy it on am as someone else you know who likes to read memoirs and things that just by by the way, when you're pre ordering, it's a gift to your future self because you click by you later you get this book in your mailbox, like, oh cool. You know what. There's a lot of things that I've done that I would say it's not that good. I think the book actually

is good. It's called Little Miss Little Compton. You can pre order it on Amazon, bring it anywhere you can find me, and I'll sign it. Just don't break into my house because that's creepy. No, no, don't don't go anywhere near her home, but just yes, bring it to sign, sign anything, and truly just don't be the person who messes up. Go order it. You're listening now, you're thinking about it, you like harden, Oh my god. Um, Lauren feeling thorny and thank you for our nice off shoot, Anna,

thank you for helping us listeners. We love you, and um there'll be more of these. Thank you so much by I hope you guys have enjoyed this episode as much as we enjoyed recording it. As a very special offer, I've paired with the company. It's called Premier Collectibles and they work with offers and I have a giveaway. For the first two and fifty orders, um, you get one of the really nice little Miss Little Compton tote bags and a signed book plate, so it all comes with

the purchase of the book. For the second two and fifty people you get assigned book plates, so there's five d total. But for the first to fifty you get the book, you get the canvas little Miss Little Compton book UM tote bag that you can look at on our Facebook, and then you get it personally signed by me in the book, So if you go to Arden Marine book dot com that's a R D E N

M Y R I N dot com. Or if you just go to Premier Collectibles and you put my name in you can find it um and that's a special offer. So for the first two hundred fifty orders you get the book, a tote and assigned book plate. The second to fifty assigned book plates, so get them all day last thank you to get all up and get to night so good. I'm just gonna wonder the question to figure when you reach this role over you except this role to your word. You read some of these rolls

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