"Boobs in the Moonlight"

Eddie Peppertone reporting from Atlanta regarding The Bachelor. I can't be with Aaron and what's your name? Arden? I'm here in Atlanta filming a thing for adult swim and I gotta tell you I watched The Bachelor for the first time ever in my life. This thing, I found out has been on twelve years something like that, and it was based on the movie, a fictional movie. So somebody created this show out of a movie. I mean, I'm late to the party, but thank god I am, because

I watched it in my hotel room. Just picture this me with an iPad in bed. You know, I guess everybody should watch this in bed. This guy, this bachelor, he's a small town guy. Small town values are very important to him. Small town values are very important to this guy. That's why he wants to funk six women. And basically, really that is what it is. I mean,

come on, you know this whole thing. It is hilarious when they talk about this guy feeling like he's unlovable, of him, you know, crying about being unlovable, and his mother cries and his father christ. Um, it's very hard not to go in and out of consciousness when you're when you're watching, um, a piece of ship like this. He's going into this house with twenty six women and he's going to fun the wife without knowing any of them. Like this is the funniest. It's like an arranged marriage.

Uh in the twenty first century, right, I mean, this guy, so he's gonna meet these women and have no real interaction with the that's the funniest thing. Like this is supposed to lead to marriage. There was this a military woman and you we first meet her, she's firing a gun and talking about Afghanistan, and then you go into the twins who like talking tandem. You know, first he gives a first impression Rose, which is hilarious to a woman who left her news anchor job to be part

of this reality show, so she's not exactly Edward Armorrow. Anyway, I hope you get a flavor of it from this little communicate from Atlanta that you know. I don't know how I'm going to watch the rest of this show. I mean, I would rather see a show where Gnome

chomps Ski. You know, the great intellectual Noam Chomsky has twenty six hot women around him, just like these women, and he's talking to them about U N resolutions and they're like, I don't know about U N resolutions, but I do know that U N spells un and you're being unfriendly to me, Gnom, will you please look at me. I would like to see a show like that. But anyway, I just can't believe that art In dragged me into this nightmare. And I will continue to watch this, but

it's gonna be hard. Oh yeah, she's gonna get all. It feels so good. I just got this rule rules to your words. Welcome to the very first podcast of Will You Accept This? Rose, Baby Girl. My name is Arton Marine. I'm here with my co host Aaron Foley. Hello, UM, this is going out to you Bachelor Nations super fans. This is a podcast about all things Bachelor. UM, I just want to tell you a little bit about my back story with a Bachelor. I I hit it hard

early on. I was in for like the first two or three seasons, and uh back in the sixties, back to when when it first started, and up to Andrew Firestone and then when he rejected Jen Chef, I poor Jen Chef, and I watched the gen Chef season and then when she took us through about about seventy two hours of television and then said I choose not to choose, that was when at that moment, I was like, fuck you,

I'm out. I'm out Jen Chef. Like was she? I just started watching the Okay, so she had been I think she was the number two for Andrew fire Style. So she was the new bachelorette. Oh, she became the new bachelor. She refused to she chose not to choose. She didn't take anybody. And it's like it's like girl she wears pleated duck or this was a while ago, but she wore a lot of like statement necklaces and like chunky jewelry and she's like, it's just the plainest Jane.

She was a really cute playing Jane. I feel like she was like from Chicago and she's like, girl, this is just a get Like you don't want to marry them, although it's preferred if you do, but you don't have to. Like you pick one. You didn't get satisfaction, just pick one, You just pick one. So I was out. I tapped out.

And then about last year, I guess when whenever last fall, the most important thing in my life happened and somebody told me to get back into the Bachelor franchise and I got back in with Caitlin, and uh, I gotta tell you it was a game changer. I mean Caitlin Bristow just first of all, she was a firecracker. You gotta love you gotta love Caitlin. And then once we got to the episode two things. One was Tony the Healer.

I was like tapping in with Toy the Healer. For those of you um out there who are are new to The Bachelor, he was a contestant. He was his profession was a healer. And that's always one of the best things about all the contestants profession. His profession was healer, and he would say he might have been a serial killer. He would say with dead earnest is two people into

the camera, again and again. I see the world to the eyes of a child, a spirit of a warrior and the heart of a gypsy like anybody that talks. New tattooed right above her as crack you know what it actually called. I could only afford the first half for and then. But I'm hoping to get the spirit of a gypsy after I pay my taxes, when I get my refund this yeff, going right to the ink bar,

right to get cat phone d Yeah. I mean we got to have some sort of tab wherever you post this to people, to people to donate what you know we should get. We should put together like a Kickstarter campaign completely healing tattoo. Here's my question for you, how much would you actually have to be paid to eat It's it's not a short chunk of words there. I see the world through the eyes of a child. I have the spirit of a gypsy in the heart of a warrior, or the heart of the warrior, spirit of

a gypsy. How much would you have to be paid ink that on your body. To ink that on my body, i'd have to be, well, you know, quite a quite an amount of money to get me out of a couple of jams. I'd probably say sixty grand. Oh no, I probably say like five and up. Pretty good. Things

are not good for me right now. For any of our listeners out there, we don't know what our email addresses yet, so tweet tweet me at our marine air d E N M y R I N and let's see maybe we could, maybe we could get a Kickstarter campaign for one of our listeners out there who would do it for the lowest amount, and we can see if we can actually start a page for one of you guys. Wait, would you seriously? And all seriously, podcasts are very serious and their subject is very serious. How

low would you go? I mean I love it, but I'm no, no, no, I love the game like this, So let's start high. Okay, So five, So where would I put it? This has to be a righte above your ass crack okay. So so it's like not even a tramp stamp. It's almost like a cox Ex bone stamp. Well I think it's like a okay, tramps. So it's a tramp stamp, like if you're at the beach, someone's gonna see this. Okay, okay, okay, here's my question. Could the entry fee if I actually got it tattooed above

my ask crack? Could I then be promised a slot as a contestant on The Bachelor? Okay, yes, okay. I would do it honestly for cash after taxes. I don't have to pay any taxes on it. Okay, very into the law. I haven't filed in years. Oh my god, Aaron is running. I'm not kidding. That's not a joke. I really have to get on it. Um. I would say I would probably do it for I would do it for two hundred fifty dollars cash. Oh all right, I thought you were going to say, like, no, you know,

let's pushed me lower. What I do it for a hunter? I would do it for a hundred thousand. I think I do it for hund would do it on the back of the mind that I could get it removed. But here's the I would do it. Would hurt to get that removed. Thing is you can't get it removed. I'm part of the deal. No, I would do it for a hundred thousands to keep checking in because keep or you have to return the money if you get

it removed. Oh yeah, and you know what, and then you have like that weird removed like you're the chick with like a removed tramp stamp, like healer from a bachelor contest. You know what, I think I would do it for a hundred grand I think I'd probably do it because us to think about it after taxes, like before taxes, assuming I would have to pay like an agent or something taxes right now, Okay, I just pay

my taxes. Okay, let's keep going. Then um on the other thing, and he kept saying people like everybody there. So Tony also would be like I gave up a lot to be here. You know, I left my plants, I left my bonds, eye tree, I left my birds. You're telling me that's not the greatest. This is the greatest comedy on television. Then you get to last year, JJ and Clint to have a Clint this hot sort of area nation the most like hill or youth looking

into the camera going you know what I mean? He was a gorgeous blonde, not my type, not not no pepper in this pop but like a good looking little blonde peanut looking into the into the camera saying I never thought that I would be coming here to meet my wife and I'd end up falling in love with a man. I'm in love with JJ, are you? I have that moment recorded and sometimes I just go back in and play do you just mess? Is that you're like at your calm tape filthy? I'm sorry, I'm sorry,

Bachelor Nation. Please will you accept my rose and my apology? Why you please accept my rosen apology? I've got one more tramp stamp does for you. So so that's basically how I got back in, and then of course it's a season to jump back in. And then I got and then somebody was like, well you have to do Badslor in Paradise, and I was like, come on, I'm not a loser. And then I was like, oh yes

I am. I will love to the Bachelor in Paradise. Editors, Now, Aaron, you didn't watch Bachelor par watch two episodes and was so discussed today I turned it off. Me. I just let me just give you three things to help drink you in. For and for any Badgelor fans out there who resisted Badgelor in Paradise, Like I did you know? You don't have to admit it to anybody. It can be your secret shame show. Um, here's what's the editors on Baslor in Paradise, I think secretly hate the contestants.

So they edited it in a way that like, so there'll be a girl that's super hammered, like probably talking to one of the producers, and then what they'll edit it so like she's actually talking to like a raccoon that's holding like a wine bottle. And then there was like literally and they were like what do you think? And they would cut to the raccoon who's like holding the bottle upside down. There was a girl they kept making it look like she was going to like talk

to a crab and stuff. So it was it's crazy. Is it all the it's all the crazy, it's crazy nut birds from the regular show exactly. It's all the people who didn't find love, including Amber, who's back this season. So that brings you so aar Just a little backstory. When did you get in on Bachelor? Um? I probably started a couple of years ago, so I've probably had maybe seven eight seasons or something like that, Well, here's what if I don't know a lot, but I know

you know, you'll be our historian. You'll be our Bachelor history of the two of us. I will say, like, what was interesting? Diving back into the show. I don't remember people's names though, I don't remember anybody. I don't remember I don't even remember your name. I don't remember anybody's name. Oh my god, I'm Amanda and I'm a healer. Um there's but like what's amazing when you start watching it. There's all these weird super fans and it's never who

you would think. I would never have been, like, you know who watches a Bachelor, it's Aaron Fully Now I'm I'm all into a level where um, I'm I'm like in,

I'm obsessed, what's your favorite? I used to do like the did like the night after the shows do rundowns on Facebook, but they got too long and and it was and but people were like, you have to start because I would just be like, this is not like whatever, because I would get so I mean even after you came over for the show on Monday and with our friend Renee, and we were just we could barely get through because you're just this is like I love having

people over. I never like doing stand up on Sunday or Monday, yes, and so to have people over, and it takes us three hours to get through these shows because we're laughing so hard. I gotta tell you it. Actually, when I watch it, it makes it makes every cell on my body crazy, Like I think it's my favorite comedy on televisions. And then I by the end, I found myself invested, like I actually did like Sean. I know most people you know, you were not your team,

not team Sean for Caitlin. Oh yeah, no, I mean I like Sean. I just thought he was like a little bit of roided out in my head moments right, like I liked Nick, but there was But I actually with this. I actually still find myself like checking up on them to see if they're still together. They are, they're splitting their time time between Nashville. There's plenty other time between Nashville and vancou and the Coup Vancouver. I thought he lived in Connecticut or something. He's from Connecticut,

but he lives in Nashville. Now. I think he's a trainer in Nashville. And she picked her up about seven times. He was every shot. He was picking her up with a flannelon. Yeah. And then Nick was crying in like an Irish sweater in the corner, and she was busy. She would like cry and like put her hand, you can't. She would always she would cry in a way like wiping away her tears with her fingers, like really extended. Which brings us to Ben, which brings us to Ben

aggains this year's bachelor. Now, did you think it was gonna be Jared? Did you think it was gonna be Jared? Um? I liked jareded both from Rhode Island, little road road, biggest little of the Union. We had the biggest little state in the Union, Rhode Island. Did you know that song too? I did know that song? But what would I always go to when people say Rhode Island? I say, if you're playing trivia, it is it always comes up that Rhode Island is the smallest state with the longest name.

Because the technical state of the of Rhode Island is state of Rhode Island and Providence Plantations. That is something I didn't know. So so I also liked I know a lot of women out there like Jared I thought Jared was charming. Can I see this place Jared was on Bachelor in Paradise was a pig. No, he was a palm of poor Jared' bachelor. He was such a gentleman. And this girl Ashley, I don't know, there's so many Ashley's. It was like Ashley, I Astley age. Ashley j one

of the Ashleys who was obsessed. It was like this beautiful girl kind of looks like a card Ashi and she's wait, not the crazy one from She's the World. So she became obsessed with poor Jared because she thought he looked like the guy from Aladdin. No, yeah, and did she say that out loud? And so she literally was going to give him her v card and when like, like, the poor guy, here's the best fact, you have to watch it, he wouldn't. She wouldn't take no for it's

the she's virgin like in North America. So she became obsessed with him and like basically put her inky spray all over him and was like no other girl can have him. And he was being such a gentleman. He didn't know how to shake her. He was clearly still hurt from Caitlin and oh, my god, I can't believe I could actually say this out loud in the room and like people who are here, and it's actually the safe space. We can leave it here. This is a

safe space. And so but she ended up writing him like a twelve page letter when he caught her, and it was twelve page, single space, back and back in front, like back to back. She wrote him a letter that was like twenty four pages, single space. She's she was my least favorite. She was glad that she had a lot of botox. So when she cried and then her sister came on you and you're like, what happened in that household? That her sister was just like her but

was like banging all the dudes. One of the greatest Bachelor scenes I've ever witnessed was Ashley Princess Jersey and then psychopath um Woman. They were on a double day. Who was the guy? Was it the farmer? I didn't see that was a farmer. I think it was farmer. Should I can't remember, That's what I'm saying. I can't remember these. I forget what the guy. I think the

guy was Chris the farmer. Okay, so Chris the Farmer goes on a double date with psychopath woman who literally couldn't get the information soon enough out on camera that her husband died of like an aneurysm. She they basically were like, are you excited about the day, And she's just like, yes, my husband out of an aneurism. It's like, what do you want for breakfast? Eggs? My husband? That yeah? So psycho and she was psycho. So Psycho and Princess New Jersey going a double day in like a canyon.

He flies in with a helicopter, cuts them both and flies out with a helicopter and these two are crying in the canyon. I was like, oh my god, it was amazing. It's almost like the bat Cave. It's like the heart the heart rate bat cave. He like repelled it and just to leave a wounded virgin and a wounded widow. Take no prisoners in the bathroom. That's the thing. You take no prisoners the world. But this is what I want to say, and this is what I noticed.

And again, you have more, you have more. You are our expert here, I'm really not. But what I noticed what I noticed watching the Batteurette last year, how quickly these guys would dump all their ship on her almost like that's a connection. Like people can't wait to be like my mom does. It's a trend. Yeah, it's a trend. I I oh my god, the one that that like broke his neck running and then insulted her at the

Alimo last year. I went to Princeton. Yes, he was so awful he couldn't saying he went, this guy is perfect to that great stories. He got hit by a car or whatever and now and then he was such an asshole because he knew he was losing, and he was losing over he was. He was disgusting. You know what I love whenever I hear because like I grew up back as you know, back east, Philip Pecky's people love if somebody went to Harvard or Priston. They love to let you know it within the first twenty seconds.

But what I love to do the way Princeton people do it is they come, I went to school in New Jersey, and then I like to go, oh, did you go to Rutgers, knowing full well what the answer is it like, no, no, it was Printon. It was Princeton, you know, But like they are people like I went to college in Cambridge, you know, and I'd be like, oh, did you go to like you asked me Cambridge, Like no, it was Harvard. I went to Harvard. It was Harvard, you know. It's like, yeah, yeah, we got it. No,

I think you've hit it. The two trends. What I've noticed just from the last couple of years is you have to drop tragedy v immediately and then I Love you bombs by like episode four. Yeah, It's just it's so ridiculous. It's like, who can say I love you the quickest? A bunch of lesbians? Yeah, those are my people. Nobody panic. They dropped the elboms like like lesbians all over and uh and it's like who died? Yeah, the tragedy. Now, to be fair, we were giggling a lot during the

first episode, but I was putting money on. Also, single moms generally are going to like bust out, I'm here for my twins, Kaylee and in Brooklyn, like I don't know, did I couldn't even did she say that. No, moms are gonna win. They're gonna make it pretty far because they're usually a hot mom. But like it's not they're not gonna win. She's she's got to um and then we have uh and then also like how quickly people just drop the tragedies. Um, so let's get to this season.

Oh my god. Now overall scale a one to ten. How do you give the episode? What did you think? I mean, I'm going, I'm going guns and blazons. I'd literally give it like a nine and a half. I loved every secon. I'm gonna give it in eleven? Can I give it an eleven? I don't? I mean I was laughing so hard. The job titles were amazing job titles. I mean, what was the chicken enthusiast? Chicken enthusiasts? I don't know what kind of taxes a chicken face? Who knew that was a career? But what I love my

favorite one. I think it was just the honesty because I usually come bump with like a bullshit job. I appreciated unemployed rolling up on like that little Segway thing on the Moonwalker, that Michael Jackson Moonwalker rolling up. I felt like the producers are getting wackier. They did, like because last year, you know, poor Cupcake the dentist. The dentist. They oh, they love friend of the dentists out there who are considering, um, applying to be a contest on

the Batchelor of the Bachelork justn't know you're gonna get humiliated. Well, Rosehead is a dentist, and then did a full exam. It's like, is this happening that he keeps her? When she said I would never marry somebody who was gingervitis, I literally was like, I can't even why am I still single? Like? How am I not married? If this one's like you know where my you know where the buck stops gingivitis? Well, poor Cupcake last year they staid up driving in the Cupcake car like enormous teeth were

not enormous. Oh my god. I'm surprised he made it as far as he did. I don't think she was he was. I don't think she got into the bones on with him. He really nailed it as a Laddin anyway. Um, but I will say, you know, it was fun. It was fun episode. Yeah, And I feel like what I like? I felt like these girls wanted to be on TV enough that they were naive enough to let the producers really screw them over. Poor Red Velvet can Here's something I am a natural redhead. Okay, so I grew up

as the only redhead in my school. And again I'm late to the bachelor thing. But I don't think any redhead has ever made it that far in this competition. She was adorable. This girl. All I remember is this red velvet. Whatever red velvet. Oh, Laura, do you know how many Lauren just discussed this? Laura. There's Laura, Lauren LB, Lauren B Lauren H. Lauren, are like, stop naming your daughter's effing Laura. Yeah, Lauren, there's there's four Laurence. There's

four Lauren's. That's too many Lauren's. Well, poor Laura. She and there we'll get to lace in a second, absolute obsession. But poor man Sarah. But for Laura, for Laura, poor Laura, because you hear's like I was like, finally a ginger that might be able to stand the test of time. Great, you go, Laura. And then the second some port you know,

nobody's ever called her red velvet. You know, her nickname is probably like I don't know, Laurie, pink pinky, Like when you know, some producer was like, Okay, here's gonna be your thing and she will be walking on the streets of Louisville, and someone's gonna be like, can I get a look? She's gone, she's five four. Oh god, this isn't gonna end well, no, not Velvet. She's gonna be a life on the Red Velvet. If you're out there, we'll start a Kickstarter for kickstarter to change your nickname.

It's gonna couse thirty dollars but into my account. Do you think she's Can people that get caught immediately be on Bachelor Pad? Do you have to have a little bit of momentum? Well? Quite honestly, I've only seen two shows. I don't because I bet Red Velvet tries to redeem herself by a horror on Bachelor Red Velvet. If you're out there, please, she's had a sweet smile, she was so well, that's the thing I liked her. I actually thought she stands a chance. I felt bad. This here's

to you here. If we had enough money for swan song music, I'd play it for you, but we don't. Okay, So then we also have people coming up with a unicorn head on. There was a girl stage jojo or jojo Jojo. She was one and she was a unicorn. And then we had the Shetland pony arrived. I appreciated the ponies. I loved the pony she got. She gott You know, everybody that got booted has brown hair. Just an f y, I justin f y for Tierra, she's blond. And so let's get to let's cut to the more important.

So there was a clear villain that set out every season. There was a clear villain who was Miss Lace. And let me just say what I really appreciated about Lace. Lace went in for those of your living Lace arrived, very pretty girl. She arrived in a lace dress. By the way, there's no fucking way. Her name is Lace. I'm sorry, there's no Nancy. Come on. Karen works like the clinic counter. Her name is Karen. So Lace rolls up in this very pretty lace dress and she's like, man,

let me just ask you a question. Will you close rus from doesn't? She plants a kiss on him. She wants to be the first kiss, but then she proceeds to get more and more hammered. And it's like, it's interesting because people have watched enough seasons that they know they're going to get air time if they're the villain. But I think she may actually just suck. Like I don't even think it's planned for TV. I think she

just sucks. She's crazy. It's gonna be my favorite and I want her to go through the whole thing because I I thought, Okay, here's the clear villain. But I didn't. I didn't see her getting hammered. And she got hammered. She had some wine she had she had and then she's tough and then I got slower. Well, my favorite part of the watching this episode with you Aaron was all of a sudden, Aaron started morphing like her body

Chan did. So Lace, let me just just again for those listeners or a recap or refresher mattor you haven't heard. The best part about Lace was she was very possessive. She was very possessive of Ben, and she got the first kiss and then she tried to get like a French kiss and she got denied and then he apologized her. She's like, oh, he likes me, he cares you apologized.

So by the end of the episode he picked her last when he gave out all the roses, and she cornered him after and like berated him as if they'd been going out for like seven years. She was like, you didn't even look at me. So she screamed, basically berated him and Aaron if you could just channel your best impression of Lace. I don't want to put you on the spot. It was sort of in the moment, but she just just became that. She became the little little psycho. She was like, when I tell you and

I will, I will. If you don't make more eye contact with me, I I will sold this lace dress all over your face and you will expiciate and you will die in my arms like the lover I've always wanted a dead one. I will bring you has so taught you will lose consciousness. I will kill you, Ben, I will kill you, or be the mother of your children? What does Lace dup for a living? Okay, we have to read some of Lace's profile. Laces twenty five years old. She's a real estate edittion from Denver um Um. Her

also favorite music rap, R and B in country. You can't have all those three. Favorite movie hallelu the Guy in ten Days, that's nobody's favorite movie that I call bullshit. That movie literally in the Best Man Holiday, had she or maybe she's never seen a movie. The best part of that is if she's never seen a movie, that means she literally is pure villain because she's not even basing. If she's never seen a movie, she could just be basing it on. It's just purely coming out. She church

into like an old school broad um. But how about this colder hot weather? She's like hot, I hate being cold. You live in Denver, you are maybe you should move worse out of why Jade Jade? I want to call her Jade. Hey, Lace, what's your most embarrassing moment? This is verbatim when I when I had a guy I liked over for drinks and I forgot I pooped before it came over, and he used my bathroom and I saw it. We couldn't even talk. We were laughing so hard.

That is kill yourself. Literally, that is that is exactly Oh my god. So then basically we've got so there was also an exciting twist. There were some twins. I'm living for late so I'm not gonna lie. I'm living and you know, by the way, so were the producers. They can't believe the jem one were so boring. A

lot of the women were. There was a lot of very you know, the pretty the flight attendant, like they're hot, like the twins, the twins I hate, I am a twin and they give like that horrible twinness like pick us and then they're like creepily like that there because you know what they're the twins. I would imagine that every twin like yourself, like like you just want to just like zip it. Because because they make it seem like they are open to being like a twin like that,

they come as a pair like they are. They make it seem like like oh no, well, wink wink, we might be cool with Twinville. Tara, my older sister, said the best I think when when he was like who doesn't want to like you know, bet Or it was like who who doesn't want to date twins? And tears like I think the expression who is who doesn't want to fund said twins exactly exactly yes, because the I mean the fantasy of identical hot blonde twin, you know

what I mean, It's like the double mint. Then they couldn't be cuter, you know, and they're these two tiny blondes and they you can't tell them apart, and they seem like if if it has to happen. What's got to happen? Is good? Can happen? Also the preview, the upcoming the clips. Yeah, I was looking to the camera. It's like it's like just decide, is it like me or is it the lay I'm like, you're the same person exactly. It's it's twem. Would you know what you're

not a straight guy? Okay, let's just have got to just talking about like bone or fever. I mean, let's just like here, bone or fever, bone or fever. There was a gal hold on, I'm gonna hold on one. Who was that Jennifer? Okay, okay, bone or fever section? Here comes a bone or fever. Here's what I like. Even a sweet guy like Ben who did resist. He resisted Lace's attempt to like basically, tongue, get in the van, don't go to the second La Dary location with Lace.

You're going to get my vani go to the man. I steal you for a moment. They're for a moment. So so Jennifer stole him for a moment. And basically Jennifer and her two glorious boobs took him outside. They had like their own special key light. I was like and was amazing if you look, if you watch Ben outside talking, so the first questions like, you know, I just want to make sure we are all the same values,

smart value. I liked her, but she's like now values and she goes in physical connection and as Ben Higgins, a little nice guy. Benhiggens is talking to her. You can see him trying to look her in the eyes and I'm looking down at her keyless. It's like they had to like a like age, like Elizabeth Taylor when she filmed her diamond perfume, like like the most perfect glowy lights a Booms in the moonlight. It was Booms.

Loved it. And he was like kept looking down and trying to look her in the face, and he was like salivating and like swallowing car like hold my dad, dad, the show is already working out. Yeah, there's a lot of glorious ladies that I'm going to get in the bone zone with Art. And I did not like that he called his parents after all the women went in the mansion. I was like, oh God, you don't want a mom's boy. Yeah, I feel like he's a puss. I think he's sweet, but I'm not really still it's

just too clean cut cut. I like a guy that might try to fund my friend. I like a guy that keeps his box cutter in a back pocket. Yeah, I like a guy that's gonna try to take me to a secondary location. I don't please any fans out there, Please don't do that. I will put up a fight. But here's the thing, um, I've had to protect you on the dance floor. Here's what you need to know about Aaron and I when we go, when we tour together, if there's if we come to your town'll be a

dance There's gonna be a dance party. We both love dancing. I've hurt myself. I've hurt myself aggressively on the dance floor. They almost died from a dance related I didn't know. I got a blood clot doing the worm like three

years ago. That would be for I was doing a comedy show in Brooklyn and Bell Biv Devo song that Girl is Poison came on and uh gnatch, I had to throw myself on the ground, and two I was on stage, I might I did the worm across and I wormed across like a metal piece of sound equipment, and then the crowd didn't go crazy, so I was stuck on the other side of it was an wings on the other side, so I had so rather just sort of lick my pride wounds and walk back, I

just chose to worm back, as you do not upstaging to the performer on stage at all. That there's just like worming woman behind them. So I wormed back and um. Then I went to the bathroom later and I looked at my pants and milady bits had swelled up like a black blowfish. It was like, not only did I get a blood clot, I had a huge black blowfish

on my crotch. And then I had to fly to l A to do it Chelsea Lately and and I had to go to my guy in to collegist and he was like, he was like, what did you do. By the way, he's a former third base player for the Mets. I know you love sports and uh yeah, and when you know the and he has a ringtone that plays take me out to the ball game. And there's a lot of information coming at you, guys. I know you guys can all take a drink if you need to take intermission on this story. So then coming back.

So then he goes, how did you get this? And when my feet are in the stirrup with like a huge swollen black the June, I screamed to him I was worming and he was like, why were you worming? And I screamed because I still got it. No, you don't. If you've got the most broken crotch in Los Angeles, and that's a lot of competition on Los Angeles, you

don't still got it. And then I'd elevate my crotch and I sit for like two weeks because you could die from it, and I'd go on Chelsea Lately wearing like sister wife type like blousy clothes to hide like my massive broken vision. I didn't see that coming. So basically, coming back, I was really grossed out by the other bachelor's talking to him and giving him advice, Like it felt like they were like, yeah, there's gonna be loving

like whatever. The dark haired guy was like, but you gotta make them all feel special, like you like like like he's gonna be like is going to be the guy and sister wife they had their dicks o their pants, Like, can we go back in? I want to relive the magic? Take take an you'll have all these beautiful women just staring at you. Just I mean, the thing is, let's really quick, yeah, um put ourselves in that situation. Oh my god, because you were making me laugh. So here's

the thing. I'm gonna be really honest with you. I have fantasies. I have fantasies. It's like, so you've now heard, you've heard me. I'm a girl who will get a blood clot on my crotch from doing the worm. Like I heard my kickstarter worm hashtag worm hashtag broken crotch. I knew I have a Kickstarter campaign to fix. It's

actually fixed now. It's fine, But like you know, but I have fantasies of like what would they do with a contest Like I really want to apply to Beyond as a contestant, Like what would they make covered in cat hair and yogurt? Like showing up discovered in cat and yogurt, screaming I still got it, And like making my ask box. It's one of my tricks. I would

give my my ask tree. I used to be a lot heavier and so like to sort of make myself feel better, I would give my ass like it was like sort of a big rotund as I would like, give it tricks to t and I'd be like, right, so, so like what would they do, Like if I was a contestant showed up, if I showed up as it can testant, like amidst all these very sort of bland gals,

you would be so great on this show. I really want to be honest, Like, if you're over the age of thirty five, just barely, just barely, I mean just barely thirty five in my review mirror. You know what with the with the glow lights from the boobs. If you put those boob lights on my face, I could play thirty four on TV. My listen. I'm not going to brag. I have a really bad back, but my tits up like a really that's exciting just in just

still saluting. I mean how much I mean, just to show up and just to just to really bring the idiot parade to amazing? Do you think it would would try to stir up as much? First of all, I would be it would be I would like, I don't want to be a contestant, I want to be the bachelorette. Of course it would be women. Yeah, and if twenty of those ladies stepped out of a limo. I'd be psyched. You would make out with all of Oh my god,

I would be a listen. I wouldn't like, I wouldn't do shag fest, but I would make out with every re single one of them. You know what I'm saying. I don't blame I don't blame Caitlin Like no, granted there's a lot. I feel like she sort of took it for the team, Like like I would have made out with a lot of people. These guys do it every single show. But there were some guys like I wouldn't have wanted to make out with, like that guy

Joe Joe, and he was the worst on Bachelor. He turned he was bad and he would like lick his lips after he was bad news. So here's what I want to do. We should also touch on first impression. Rose went to Olivia, who we all liked, and told coming attraction. Then you know, but I did get the vibe even before Coming Attractions. I turned to you and I was like, you know, every girl from her high

school hates her, Like there's something to me. It's like, if you quit your job, you're if you're twenty three, you're already a successful news she's twenty three. She's like an anchor, but you quit your job. She just wants to be on the cover of US Weekly. Yeah. Maybe I just I liked her. I thought I was like, Okay, she's smart, she's a new she was put together. She would I agree with you. I love the Cameron Diaz lighter she was. She seemed to have like a good

hat on her shoulder. It's like my type. I guess that's why I liked her. But you can see that's why it's dangerous because you can see down the line apparently she's not that nice. Well I didn't. I thought that was a surprise. Yeah, that was what I mean. Like I thought the coming attractions for episode two, Yeah, yeah, ever where she looks like a crazy person, yes, or just like or like a fake, you know, like the one that's like i'll say something here and I'll do

something else. There's always one of those per season. Yeah I did. I wouldn't have called it that. It was Olivia, you know what. I was disappointed. Well, but we don't know what it is. We don't know what she's done. I did see a little spoiler online, but don't I'm not gonna share it, Okay, I just don't you know what you know? If I if I fast forward, my guess is that he winds up with like the Blonde

Flight at time. So let's put in I think just for the fun of having sort of a for having sort of a fantasy football, just to wrap up, and anybody that wants to tweet us for now, we don't have a we're getting her act together now, let's be honest. But like so, you can tweet us either at art Marine a R D E N M y R I N or at Aaron Aaron Folly Comic at aeron fully comic. Um. So I'm gonna give us your top five. Here are my top So it's who we think are going to

make it to the final five. I'm gonna say Lauren b Joe, Joe, I gotta go for a twin, so I'm gonna pick Emily Kayla and then who's Boobsie McGhee with the with the key Light, Jennifer, Jennifer. I'm gonna go Lauren be Jojo, Emily Kayla and Jennifer. I'm gonna say, uh, I'm gonna say Jennifer boobs in the Moonlight now five, this is final five. This is final five. I'm gonna say boobs in the moonlight. I would say Joe Joe. I think Jojo Um. I'm gonna say Jubilee is my

wild car. I was almost gonna go Jubilee. Actually, I almost picked Jubilee. Is Lauren be the flight attendant? Lauren b's the fly attendant, and I'll pick Olivia. Okay, that's a good one. I like the Jubilee. I almost picked Jubilee. I think she's gonna make it pretty far. Jubilee. Yeah. The only reason why I said Jubilee is because I thought I saw a lot in them. So did I, so did I. I like Jubilee and I liked her. I liked her fiercely. You know what, She's got a tattoo.

Maybe if we look closely, it says I see the world to the eyes of a child, the spirit of a warrior in the heart of a gypsy. Maybe being a veteran, she had more money than I did, and she could complete it. Listen, I think by the end of the spring, I drugged that. If nothing happens, if I got no irons in the fire, I'm dropping that down to eighty grand What did I say one? Grand? Um? Well, you guys, thank you so much for listening. This is gonna be a weekly podcast. Um, and look for we'll

we'll tweet about it. Well, when we get our act together, there will be twitter handle. We'll try to put it out is close to that, yeah, in their Tuesday or Wednesday. We'll try to make it consistent. And this will also go through if I may vouch her in paradise. Alright, alright, um, but this is gonna follow off things Bachelor and I just want to give a shout out. We'll play our

ultra music. I want to give a shout out to the delightful Mark Rivers for writing I think what might be the most important piece of music was trained Beethoven's Fifth. It's maybe the most important song that's ever been written. So until next week, Bachelor nation, thanks for listening. I'm Ard Marine, I'm Aaron, and you're listening to Will you accept this Rose? Oh yeah, I want to get all up in your today. It feels so good. I just

gotta wonder to push figure will your words now? Leaving notice to dot com Blackston