Cast 633: Boomerangs and Nurses

Welcome back to Wholesome Addiction, a podcast dedicated to the more mature side of entertainment. And by that, we mean porn, all forms of adult entertainment and sex as it affects us in our everyday lives. In short... We are fans of the hotness. This podcast is explicit and we will be using adult language, so consider yourselves warned. Hello and welcome to another fine edition of the Wholesome Addiction Cast.

I think we just started a show for the first time. I was going to say, did we just start a cast? Yeah, yeah. We did an intro. It's been a while. I wanted people to remember where we were. That's still a pretty broad dog. If they were lost, they kind of know where they're at. They finally have some direction. Oh, oh, we took... a wrong turn. We're with the dirty kids. We gotta go. You know the ones that your mom said you weren't supposed to hang out with? Yeah, that's us.

Those were always the best kids, even though their house did smell like piss. They were definitely the most fun. Right, right. You had just as good a chance getting a... needing a tetanus shot when leaving there as well as being hungry, you know, like, yeah. What'd you do? How'd you get a nail in your heel? Well, I jumped off the bathtub in Lee's spare bathroom. The one upstairs that's got all the garbage in it and floorboards. Yeah. Oh, all right. Let's take you to get a tetanus shot.

Or even just the, didn't we tell you not to go in there? Is this like the script from the early days of your exploring? I'm seven, Mom. Because that's kind of what it sounds like. Oh, yeah. We had farmhouses that we called Motel 6 back in the day. It's my first time I saw my first dead rocket raccoon with its head crushed under a collapsing wall. Poor raccoon. Yeah.

So my lovely lady had a great idea. And instead of starting at the area that we always refill with links, we're going to start at the other area. We're going to start at the top. Ooh, so we're going to like see some of the things that have been sitting here for months waiting for us to talk about them. It's only the first ones from September 12th. That's only two months. I guess that is months with an ass. Right. You're right.

And it's from Fox News, no less. Oh, my God. So these could be all over the board. Whether these are real news or mocking news, we're going to have fun and figure it out together. Oh, my God. I just read that.

UK doctor left in the middle of surgery to have sex with nurse. Now, I have never seen somebody do this in the middle of surgery. I have, however, seen someone who decided to go boink one of his nurses over lunch. I mean, like, I can understand it's a high-stress job. Nurses are hot. Doctors are hot. They got power. But, like, can't you just give her or him the wink and the nod and say, I'll fuck you?

How long is this surgery? Six minutes? He took a comfort break. Maybe he needed a reliever. I don't know. Well, yeah. He's an anesthesiologist. Isn't that like one of the most important things for surgery? OK, no, no, no, no, no. OK, if he's an anesthesiologist, then this is I don't know if the UK does it the way we do it in the US, then quite frankly, this is not. quite as salacious as it's made out to be.

Because what typically happens is who's actually sitting there in there with you in the surgery is usually a nurse anesthetist. The anesthesiologist basically bounces from room to room to room to room to room doing the initial knocking someone out.

Okay. And deciding how much goes in them. But there's usually a nurse who sits there and monitors the actual surgery. What if the unidentified nurse is the one he pulled off? Oh, no, no. If he pulled the nurse out of the surgery and said, hey, let's go have some fun. that's a different story, but if he walked out of one surgery on his way to another one, saw a cute nurse and went, hey, let's go have some fun, then this is not quite as, you know, should you be seeing the nurses you work with?

Probably not. Should you be doing it while you're on the clock? Definitely not. Maybe he goes into a hire, probably not. But at the same time, is this a, oh my God, he was negligently unavailable for the... For the patients? No, trust me, if somebody had beeped him, it takes about a half a second to pull a pair of scrubs up. He might have had to explain the obvious boner when he made it back into the room, but it wasn't going to take him any longer to get there.

After being gone for eight minutes, this guy's got some stamina. That's time to cuddle for me. He returned to the operating room to complete his work after his work had been completed. I added that last part. Of course you did. Yeah, I mean, you're right. You probably shouldn't fuck anyone that you work with. If you do, you probably shouldn't fuck anyone you work with at work. If you do, you probably shouldn't fuck anyone you work with at work while you're actively in a surgery.

It looks like he was married. Oh, to this nurse? No, he says though his behavior was inexcusable, he and his wife had been having issues since their daughter was born prematurely and was going through a stressful time. Oh, so he's got like six months old. He's got a six month old. And just because it's stressful, he decides to fuck the nurse. You're not helping your cause, bro. Things just got a lot more difficult for him.

Okay, walk with me here because this is going to sound somewhat erroneous. Have you guys seen the movie Boomerang? No. No? The Eddie Murphy movie Boomerang? Mm-mm. Mm-mm. Damn. Never mind. Okay, so that is not going to be me. I'm going to tell the story anyway. The doctor that I thought was Lou for the longest period of time has a history of banging his nurses. Okay. So as I actually come into the office and the office is empty.

But the front door is unlocked and all that kind of stuff. So I just kind of go, okay, and just go in and start setting up equipment. Then I'm sitting there twilling my thumbs. And all of a sudden, his office door opens. And out comes the nurse with just that, you know, I just did something special strut going on. And he's coming out behind him doing that whole thing that guys do where he's kind of like trying to like get his. OK, I think I'm ready now.

It was kind of like, oh, shit, you were just banging your nurse, weren't you? And that, for savvy listeners, you will understand that Jake for a while thought that he worked with Lou. He started dropping hints like, as the man? And when he didn't get any responses, he knew it was not our Lou. But the reason why I tried to ask you about the movie Boomerang is there's a scene where one of Eddie Murphy's friend's parents over Thanksgiving were banging in the bathroom.

And came out like that. The mom comes out just walking like strut. And dad comes out trying to put his blazer on backwards going, OK, I feel better now. And it was the same image I got in my head of those two coming out of that guy's office. It's the same move all the time.

I think we should have had Sean for this one. I guess I'm confused. This is a news link. Lesbian space princess is a cheeky intergalactic romp that turns the sci-fi genre on its head. Has anyone seen this? No. Quirky. No, I would have seen a, I would have definitely stopped to watch an anime that said lesbian space princess. I don't think it's very titillating. It looks more Rick and Morty drawn, but that's a film. Okay. Yeah.

Lesbian space princess, outer space emerges as a new and inclusive habitat for smart, funny story exploring the inner spaces of lesbian consciousness and self-affirmation. Oh. It's one of those. I think I just threw up in my mouth a little. I mean, I'm okay. Everyone should be included and whatnot, but like, I mean, that's like, if it just leans into her being a lesbian, fine, but I don't need to be.

It feels like everything is preaching to me. I'm the evil guy. That's actually the term I was looking for. I was trying to figure out a way to explain this without sounding like a complete dick. Too late. That's what we do. Yeah, well, I know. But preachy is probably a good word going for it. I have zero problem with stories about gay people, trans people. I don't care. Right. I don't care. But I don't want to be preached at.

Yeah, I don't care about any of that anymore. I used to, but now this show is... Shown me over the years. It's like, I don't care who you diddle. Everyone wants to be held. Everyone wants to have sex. Everyone wants to be cuddled every once in a while. Are you happy with them? Right. Whether that's straight or gay or bi or poly or all of the things.

I don't give a shit what you identify as, but you're not a tomato, all right? You're a fucking human. I will admit that my kid rolls her eyes at me every time we're watching some show or movie, and I go, oh, look, lesbians. I mean, look. Lesbians are just great to look at. They're fun to watch. Yeah, see, even Rita says, for the most part, really, really straight chick. All right, Lesbian Space Princess Anime. Somebody watch it and tell us that we're wrong. Yeah, give us a report.

Because we probably are. So what is this, babe? Are you going to help us out here? What penis size do women prefer? That's what I was asking. So far, what we've really heard, all we've really heard from this show is that they do like it curving up and to the left. Absolutely. I just giggle snorted.

Yeah, apparently the G-spot is up and to the left. Size does matter. Does it? Not always. You don't want too small, but you don't want too big either. Are you reading this from here? No. Oh, okay. I thought you were reading. That was from my own personal research. Oh, okay. Good talk.

She's like, you don't necessarily want a basketball player, but. So you basically want it to be able to know it's there, but not be to the point where you're worried that this might actually need stitches afterwards. Exactly. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Certified sex therapist, sexologist Jenny Schuyler and licensed marriage and family therapist from adamandeve.com. She's probably nowhere as smart as Dr. Victoria.

Victoria Albright. Oh, I was so blinded by science. Go back to episode like 11. When it comes to exact numbers, we're looking at 2.8 to 3.9 inches is the average flaccid length. That's about right. I'm about a thumb. I'm about a thumb with the average penis. You said flaccid. Like a flaccid cape of dicks.

Oh, wow. The average fucking erect circumference is 4.7 inches. Okay, that's quite girthy. I don't know. Is it? We got to grab a tape measure later. I was going to say, I've never measured girth, so I really don't have anything to like... Judge it again. Yeah, I mean, I've only really measured the fucking... from like butthole to tip around the head and then back down. That's how you get the length, right? You measure with the curve, the outside of the curve. I mean, fuck.

If not, I'm like a good solid two and a half. Just because you lose the tape measure a few times does not make it true. The fuck it doesn't. You asked for a number. I gave you a number. You didn't ask how I came up with that number. You didn't ask me to show my work. Not a made up number. I mean, how tight are you supposed to, like, wrap the tape measure around? You're supposed to, like, let it squeeze? Yeah. Very loose, Jake. It's supposed to drape. I mean, that's the only way, right?

As I said, I was just looking for context. I mean, I think so.

Why are people into fairy smut? In our next story, Rita needs to stay away from the guy in the dino head. Wow. Okay. I don't know how much time you got. I see. I spend a lot of time driving. So I listened to a lot of audio books and it has been like amazing. Now Sean's loved it. And I will admit that I've enjoyed several of them here and there, but it's gotten to the point where it's a bit much that just about everything out there is smut these days. Yeah, but smut sells.

No, no, I understand. But at the same time, every once in a while, you don't want to be able to roll down your windows while you're driving without worrying about... horrifying the kids in the car next to you. For me, it's the brand. I still get the random, not nearly as much, but I still get the random like middle school and college boy boners out of nowhere.

So if I'm listening to smut and all of a sudden something titillates me, I don't need two thirds lumber right as I'm about to get out of the car or I'm pulling an order or doing a cycle count on a bin and I'm listening to something. in my ear and as I stand up I got a fucking throbber no like my smut and my porn needs to be at home on your terms right exactly nobody wants an accidental boner or As we came up with the band name years ago, shameful boner.

I'm trying to find that there was a title recently that I saw that was just kind of like, oh my God, they're not even being subtle anymore. Fist fuck me with your mouth, you know, like what? Yeah, they don't care. What was it? They don't care. I know this is great radio, me trying to scroll through. Oh, you scroll for a second. Is this type of thing normal or is it dangerous?

um i mean fantasies are there for a reason right we all have fantasies you should be able to act out on some of your fantasies but you know some people's fantasies devolve into fucking an elf or a deer and i don't know about you but Try not to go find an elf. Well, this is saying now fantasy novels are taking it one step further by bringing non-human characters to life. Yeah, they always have. Right. I mean, Dritz Duerdin, I'd fuck him.

Jake, you're right. Good radio. We tried to help you, brother. That story died really quick. Are you saying I'm the one that put that out there? What? What are you blaming me for now? I was blaming Jake. Oh, okay. Oh, yeah. No, no. It's every bit my fault. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Clearly. She just assumes it was her fault because usually it is. Somehow he blames everything on me. I mean, you're a woman. Most things are your fault. That does not make me wrong.

Have you met you? Yeah, right. Have you met you? Yes. And no, and I definitely wouldn't have gone after Drizzt Duarton, but I would have taken Caterbury. Okay, okay, okay. But Dritz has got a big kitty cat, though, too. That he does. That he does. Everybody likes their panther. Of every color.

I think we talked about this next one a little bit ago. This is Texas anime fans are freaking out because the new Texas law is a very slippery slope. Texas doesn't want anything fun, do they? No, no, no, no, no, no. Well, except for guns. Okay. Except for guns. Except for guns. You're not wrong. Yeah, I think we talked about this last week or the week before. We just didn't delete it. Yeah, that sounds kind of familiar. Unless it was up there twice.

which is possible where putt says sb20 is the uh one that will uh violate everybody's stuff whether it's a depiction of an image of an actual child a cartoon or an animation or an image created using artificial intelligence application or other computer software If someone somewhere deems it to look less than 18, they are going to call it kitty porn, effectively. Okay, you do have to admit that anime can be somewhat guilty of that from time to time. Absolutely, from most times.

But I don't want to play devil's advocate here, but you've heard the statement before, black don't crack. Oh, yeah. In kind of the same way, I haven't thought of a phone rhyme for it, but people of Asian descent almost always... look much younger they like never look older than 40 or 30 or 20 right oh oh no i get where you're coming from there but but it is you know even anime will admit that they're sitting there going

uh oh yes they're in high school but you know they stay they're 19 when they're in high school here right right right right no i i i get that it is a slip but this while that is a slippery slope this bill is even sketchier you know Because they're going to come for our guns in the name of the children. Like we said, one of my first witty comments on this cast ever was, keep your hands off my porn. Seems like that's valid advice.

Of course. I mean, who wants to touch beefs porn? It's going to be sticky. You're right. No, no, no, no. That's only with the forest porn, which that blows Sean's mind. It's because there's just no forest in there. If you're in Texas, you're going to hide in the middle of a field in which everybody's going to see it anyway. Ditch porn. So there is a question by an amazing website. I'm just kidding.

Don't even know what it's called. Never heard of it before. But it said, when did choking during sex become vanilla? When it turned into that beating someone. You know, bruised with a belt, it turned out to be the, oh, look, a cat sitting on Rita's head. Yes, it does that. She likes to climb up to the top of the gaming chairs for no reason. It's like, hey, should you feed us? But yeah, choking got to be vanilla when everything else got to be mainstream.

Like Fifty Shades of Grey, everything out. Yeah. Yeah. That's kind of what I was thinking is when it happened. But it's still, it is a risky thing, right? I mean, but. You have to be aware that you're cutting off someone's air, right? People when we were kids would play the fucking pass out game. You've got to be careful with that shit. Yeah, people would play the pass out game, not even whilst having sex.

And I couldn't even imagine that now you want to, even if someone wants me to choke them, it's like, I'm the lightest of choker ever. Cause I'm like, I don't want to kill you. I'm afraid. Right. Even then scary. Fuck. You can still say your safe word, right? Don't take it so far that they pass out. Did you blink two or three times? Fuck, I guess I gotta let go.

Yeah, porn has become the default form of sex ed for young folks, so it makes sense that as rough sex becomes more common in porn, it too becomes more common in real life. Well, it's also, but it's kind of a...

you know, chicken and egg sort of thing. You know, rough gets a little bit more on porn. Next thing you know, it's a little bit more in common life. And if it's a little bit more in common life, that's more of the porn that people are looking at. Therefore, that's more of the porn that the people are going to.

create and therefore it's the more the porn that people are going to see and it's just this vicious circle it's the exact same thing just slightly different with nerds in hollywood exactly it's too much of a good thing now

Wait, what? What? There was a thought process there. It just didn't go how I planned. You lost it, didn't you? No, I just didn't. You know, I'm packing a bowl. You guys figure something else out. In a state where it's legal. Of course. Of course. Priorities. Yeah. Rita's in Skansen. I'm across state lines, clearly. Clearly. Exactly. America. Which state is that?

It's kind of like the scene in the Simpsons movie where it's kind of like we finally see the states where Springfield borders. It's California, Oregon, Maine, and Florida.

Well, it does. Do we want to know how to flirt for old people? Hey, we've heard me say this before. Half the reason I stay married is because I don't know how. Yeah, stabbing someone doesn't always work. Exactly. That's where I was about to go. My version of flirting is stabbing somebody with a fork. That's not necessarily your version of flirting. It only works one time. That's just what worked well.

That's what worked for her. Or that is your best exchange rate, I guess. Turnaround rate? What's the... Well, no, no. So far, it's been quite successful. I mean, 25 years later, we're still here, so... And you've produced one healthy offspring. Yes. Who's still alive and succeeding, like kicking ass and taking names at school and stuff.

Well, I mean, last time I talked to her, which was about an hour ago when she was trying to get the updated Netflix password. Dad, is that a capital S or D? Yeah, she was alive and well then. Oh, true. You're right. It is a moment-by-moment scale. Yes. So, I mean, flirting is fun, I guess, but are they teaching us that?

Well, see, the thing is, I think what it comes down to is what's the goal of your flirtation. I am extraordinarily flirtatious, but there's no goal in it for two reasons. Reason number one, I'm married. Reason number two, even when I wasn't married. I didn't know whether or not someone was responding just as a joke or because they were actually interested. Or if they were just friendly. Exactly. Yeah.

I think this is more about the approach. I finally found it. I've been sitting here scrolling. I finally found it. The name of this book was Between Two Kings, Spit or Swallow, book two. Wow. You're right. They are not leaving anything on the table. You know what you're going to get. But I'm sitting there scrolling through Audible, and I see this, and I'm like, they're not even trying to be subtle anymore. Nope.

Yeah, this goes on to talking about what each generation tells you to do. Their flirting advice, like boomers, is be yourself and be respectful. Gen X is be funny, interesting, and interested. Okay. Okay. I mean, that kind of makes sense. Be friendly and witty, say millennials. Okay. Gen Z, don't flirt. Gen Z, be complimentary, cheeky, and authentic. But does Gen Z actually, like, walk up to someone and start flirting anymore? I mean, does that happen?

I don't know. I mean, I know none of us are actually Gen Z. I just didn't know if any of us had experienced, you know, what flirting looks like to them because. Now it is, yeah. I haven't. I mean, I got a handful of like. younger dudes in the warehouse that i'm sure aren't flirting but they i'm sure if they're out they got that energy right the little the wit and charm i guess but the dudes are flirting with each other in the warehouse i mean sometimes there's a couple of them for sure

There's a few times I come around the corner and I'm like, all right, if you guys really want to hang out, get a beer after work. We got shit to do. I don't fucking want to know what's going on, but you should take your finger out of his hole. Again. Things you don't want to know about your coworkers. No, absolutely not. Ooh, the horniest states in the United States. By the best.

I think we've done this before. Have we? We might have. We might have. We've just been bad at stuff. Sure, blame it on me. Yeah, I've seen this chart before. Are you sure? Because this is really good data. I don't know if I saw this chart. Maybe. Yeah. So, I mean, Illinois, Nevada. That's probably Wyoming. Damn. Wyoming's kind of surprising. North Carolina, North Dakota. Yeah. See, North Dakota makes sense because there ain't nothing to do. There is nothing to do up there.

Vermont, that's basically all the people who went up there got stoned and skied and then boinked that evening. Yeah. Horniest states in America should be like state of bliss, state of childlessness. Just drop the kids off and smoke the fatty. No kids till Sunday and it's Wednesday. You know, like, those are the horniest states. I just had a double-decker fucking Mitsubishi ecstasy pill. Only in states where it's legal. But, you know, those are...

Great states. Maybe. No? No. Sorry. I don't know. I'm learning about Sophie Rain from Miami, Florida, who is apparently thinking that she can do OnlyFans as charity.

Well, you know, I mean, I would. Rain has announced this only Flans charity event as a celebration for her birthday. According to her, any OnlyFans income she receives on that day will supposedly be donating to Feeding America, which is a U.S. hunger relief nonprofit organization. If she really wanted to donate, she would donate some of the $82 million she made in 1.5 years. Is this the lovely young lady that is supposedly a virgin still?

I don't know. I think so. Let me find out. She's one of the creators of the Bob house. This is where all those chicks hooked up and did like lots of videos. But yeah, I swear. Hi, friends. It's my birthday in a week, and this year I want to do something very special for you. I want to donate 24 hours of my income on the last day of September to charity. So any money spent on that day will be... So make sure you subscribe before September 30th.

The charity I'm donating to is called Feedback America. They provide meals to millions of families using food banks and pantries across the country. Every dollar spent helps put food on the table of someone in need. Let's help change America by doing this. Do you have chat GPT? Write that. Maybe she may have. Yeah. But this is the woman who has stated she is a virgin and is waiting until sex to have marriage. Yeah, waiting until marriage to have sex. Waiting until sex to have marriage.

I mean, look, she's a lovely young woman, and I really don't know if I could subscribe to anyone's OnlyFans that hasn't had a dick in them. I'm sorry, but, like, I would like to imagine my penis in you. Well, she's still hoping that that's what you're imagining. She's just telling you that you'd have to marry her first. Yeah, but that's not my massive fucking dragon dick she's shoving in her. Mine is small and white.

Ish. You know, that is actually kind of funny because she's actually using a gigantic bad dragon as a toy. I don't know what she's using. When she finally does get married and finally does have sex with a normal average everyday... Hello, hello. The toys are far bigger. Hello, hello, hello, hello. Is anyone here? I thought this would have been more fun.

I don't know what that sound was, but it was supposed to be echoey. Apparently in another timely story, only seven weeks old today. We're getting a little closer to, you know, relevant.

I appreciate you hair-tossling us for our ineptitude. Emergency. The Portland naked bike ride. Yeah, planned an emergency for seven weeks ago. Organizers of the World Naked Bike Ride said on Instagram Wednesday, not this past Wednesday, obviously, that they are planning to protest the Trump administration's decision to send 200 federalized National Guard troops to Portland. OK, so they decided to protest this by riding around naked.

I'll tell you. An emergency world naked bike ride is coming up in response to the militarization of our city. So they send in the troops and you send in the naked hippies? I... I don't know what world. If you want to go on a naked bike ride, go on a naked bike ride. But if you're expecting the troops to not show up just because you're riding around on your bike naked. And like my biggest fear would be somebody would tackle me off the bike and I would get road rash on my dick.

I feared wrong things would get pinched. Well, that too. This goes into a lot of things because I'm not disagreeing with their goal. I'm disagreeing with their method and... Okay. If you don't want troops in your city, I understand that. I get it. I understand not wanting that. Now, but you're... way of combating that is to ride around on your bike naked and say, go away. I just don't see how one works out to the other.

It's the other thing is I never figure out why every once in a while you'll be driving through some rural town in the middle of nowhere and you'll see somebody out there with protest signs. And it's kind of like you do realize that not a single person who has anything to do with what you're protesting is here. Yeah, I mean, some people are just oblivious to that, though. Babe, they have a world naked bike ride here in Milwaukee. We missed it this year. Oh, when is it for next year?

Well, it was in June of this past year, so maybe next year I'll keep my eyes open. All right. There you go. Make sure I drink a lot of water that day and not pee. It's got to hang as much as possible that day. That was my dong hitting the mic stand. Sorry. They do have one scheduled for next year here in Milwaukee. June 27th. 62626. 627.

Beef's going to be biking next to Rita going, wave those boobs at me for a second. This is starting to shrink up a little bit. No, because the problem is there's no... It's either too small, it's either what it is, or you try to fluff it, and then it goes full boner. There's no in-between. Just saying. Rita, did Beef just call you his fluffer? He usually does. You notice I didn't even bat an eye. I just kind of glossed over it.

There's a funny little coincidence here. This happened a while ago. This is pride.com because that's what we do here. We keep everybody included. Massive grinder outage reports coincide with the Charlie Kirk Memorial Service in Arizona. I think this is hilarious because this is like...

Grindr is the gay hookup app, right? Like the gay swipe left, swipe right app. It's homosexual Tinder. Right. So when... ever that like there's a democratic convention or republican convention or fuck a pastor's convention in town somewhere and grinder goes out it's like oh okay i get it i can dig it Well, I don't know if it's affected you guys. You guys noticed. But over the past several weeks. Grinder? No, not recently.

I don't know if this is exactly why Grindr went out or not. But over the past several weeks, there was a period of time where Microsoft Web Services went down for a while. Amazon Web Services went down for a while. And then there was another one this past week, and I can't remember which one it was, but, you know, I think the Chinese are attacking us through cyber attacks, and no one's telling us. Wait a minute, where'd I put my tinfoil hat? I think that's probably more, I mean, that's.

Probably got some potential to it, right? You never know. People, you got to test the waters before you do a full-on scale attack. I guess my point is the fact that I don't think Grindr going down had anything to do with Charlie Kirk's funeral. No, no, no, no, no. I think, though, otherwise, maybe there was such an influx of people into that area and people like to diddle other people.

That actually would be funny if the influx of people in the area all being all there for Charlie Kirk's funeral happened to have been on Grindr and... drove it down at that point, that that would be hilarious. That's kind of what they're implying, because that's what happens every time. Like, whose convention did we have in Milwaukee? four years ago was it the republicans and it was the rnc we had here so yeah when the rnc was here grinder went down for them too

So is it just... Why is it just Grindr? Why is it not any of the other apps? It might be Tinder and stuff too, but we don't hear about it because Grindr is more salacious. Not only that, but this is this is this is Pride magazine that this is in. So they're probably all just excited that the that the ultra Christian Charlie Kirk people are gay. What do you mean? They're not surprised. They fucking know. They're called beards for a reason. Why am I wrong?

Not that kind of beard. Man. You got the full beard and goatee. You got the wife and the kids. I'm not allowed to shave it. Oh, Jesus. You look like a six-year-old. that's part of it yeah i got a buddy that's like that too he's like i think there was a tiktok guy in line too he's like looks like this viking dude long hair great beard and he's like i haven't shaved in like 12 years and then he shaves

And his wife's like, I married a child. Yeah, the last time that I shaved my beard, it was because the... The dog hit me in the back of the knees while I was trimming it, and I basically took the entire bottom out under it with the clippers. So the only thing you can really do at that point is shave it off and grow it back. Yep.

My daughter, who I think was six or seven at the time, started crying. My wife told me that I didn't look like the man that she married. And my brother had the... uh the the best line out of all of them the most poetic in which he said dear god i think my eyes are going to start bleeding i'm sure i've told it on here before but i was four five six something probably about your daughter's age

And I walked in the house, and my mom's always been blonde or blonde-ish. So your mom shaved her mustache? This was like 85, and she went like. Copper. Like bronze. I just got a dirty look from Beef. I walked in. I didn't even mean to. I forgot the cameras over there. I walked in and I started crying my fucking eyes out because her hair was. like not blind anyways um apparently broad's like 14 minutes

Study reveals how long the average woman actually wants to have sex for. It's the pounding, yeah. It's like the pounding for the amount of time, yeah, the 14 minutes. Well, an average man in bed can last just under 20 minutes. That's time to cuddle, baby. That is time to cuddle. What are we doing with the other 19 minutes and 30 seconds? Nicole happened to help break me in just the right way so that Rita is beneficial.

I mean, like her address. I need to send her a food basket for sure. We're talking like the average 20 minutes. No, no, no, no, no. We've been cuddling for at least 11 by then. I'm sorry, baby. On average, women reach orgasm in 13 minutes and 41 seconds, according to the study. You're above average, baby. I'm always above average.

I like the fact that, you know, once again, it's down, it's not just like in approximately 13 minutes. No, it's 13 minutes and 41 seconds. That's pretty precise. Who's sitting there with the stopwatch? I would like to see the... Oh, and are we talking from, well, not only that, are we talking, it's similar to what we were talking about with the length of penis. How are we measuring this? Oh, like from insertion? No, are we talking from insertion?

And then are we talking to the moment that, you know, it starts to... to build and you know what's going to happen, whether they stop or not? Or are we talking about, you know, when, you know, the orgasm is completed, then does it matter if it was a multiple orgasm? I mean, there's so many details left out of this. And it's just another survey of 3,836 people found that ladies would actually prefer to fool around for an average of 25 minutes and 51 seconds. What?

Well, that's, yeah, that's the foreplay. That's a lot of foreplay. And all I have to say is that if saucydates.com can be running this study, we should be doing studies as well. We should. I agree, we should be. I would like to think that we are better than saucydates.com. Okay, so I guess even though a lot of we are absolutely better than saucydates.com, tell your friends, wholesomeaddiction.com.

Uh, apparently can finish just shy of 14 minutes. Okay. But like intercourse lasts a bit longer than that. Blah, blah, blah. So are they saying that. they need for approximately 40 minutes of fooling around, or is it 25 minutes altogether? Is it 25 plus the 13, which I know would be 38, but plus the seconds is.

Because that seems like way too much. Like Rita and I are... already rinsed and ready for a fucking 23 minute power nap yeah okay no no no actually this this adds up because basically they're saying that the whole thing should be the 25 minutes and 51 seconds because they're basically saying between that and the actual course part, there's a 12 minute and 10 second discrepancy. So yes, they're talking about the entire thing from foreplay all the way through.

Well, we skew that. It's kind of one of those things like, hey, okay, okay, okay. So I've got to do this for a half an hour about and then I can go to bed? All we need is our data in there and we fuck this whole study up. And you're right, though. Is it weighted if in seven minutes or ten minutes or right at the 13-minute mark, the couple can knock out four?

A three or four multi-orgasm. Is that weighted heavier than just one orgasm that barely squeaks by? I mean. Well, that's the other part about it. Like, are we talking about a really intense orgasm or are we talking about a, okay, I came. Wow. Thanks for showing up. It's a valid question. Right. What's the age bracket, too? Because obviously sex is going to be different in your 20s and 30s versus, say, your late 40s or 50s.

And I'm also curious as to how they're measuring this. Do they have some person with a clipboard and a lab coat off of the side with a stopwatch, you know, measuring this? Or do they just like... Oh, that would fuck my performance up. Right. Oh, I'm being timed? Or even just that. Imagine you're sitting there trying to do your job there, Beef, and Rita's over there holding a stopwatch, just kind of going, okay, start. Well, and that's the thing. It's like...

Like you said, do we start it the second I kiss her or go, hey, baby, do you want to fool around? Or is it the second I'm inserted? And then what happens when you forget to stop it? And you're doing this on the nightstand, but you're not hitting the button. Well, that's so that's the question. You know, this would be more accurate if we had somebody off to the side. Put a blink camera in my room. That's better than having fucking... Does beef have performance anxiety?

Listen, I sometimes can't piss in the urinal when I'm at a football game. It's weird. I don't know. So I don't know how I would be with a football game. That's usually because you've got some large guy named Bubba who decided to pick the urinal right next to yours, even though there was an entire wall of them. No, usually when I have to piss at a football game, like a Packer game or something, there's like... 700 people milling about because they drank as much beer as me.

This next one isn't so much funny and it isn't so much at all anything. It's horrible and it's terrifying and it's sad. And I wanted to mention it because this is still the world we live in. this show is about dick and fart jokes and sex and uh but this is horrible um amber check i don't know if you guys heard about this story she was a tradeswoman a welder And she's like a 20 year old woman. She did classes at her old high school in her days off. She was kicking ass at her job.

She went to HR five times because this guy kept hitting on her and harassing her and HR didn't do anything. And, um, While she was at her workstation one day, a man walked over to her, picked up a sledgehammer, and bludgeoned her to death. He told law enforcement he simply didn't like her and he'd been planning to murder her for some time. This is...

This points out a little bit of disparity. You know what I mean? In the trades person, tradesmen. The trades. In the trades for the... Usually a male-dominated field. Correct. And like... dudes, you know, I get it. There might be a pretty lady that's better at your job than you that might not want to touch your penis or vice versa if you're a woman and she doesn't want to touch your clam.

Don't bludgeon anyone to death or shoot anyone or electrocute anyone. How about don't kill anyone, let alone anyone at work because they don't want to touch your bits. Or HR, pay attention to the complaints. At least do a... Five times. Even a little investigation. separate them, make them work different days. I don't know that like, this is horrifying and terrible. And I know this isn't necessarily the place for it, but it's women shouldn't have to deal with this yet. We do.

deal with this kind of stuff almost every day yeah and i mean this is you know it's it's it is related to sex right he kept making passes at her she didn't like it she complained and nothing was done and i mean this isn't Caveman times. You don't get to just bash her and fuck her, dude. What the fuck? This is so fucking wrong. I don't know.

I got nothing more than that. This is my little soapbox for the time. I know this isn't necessarily sexy, Jake, but it's still a thing that's there. I just don't have any words for it. I'm just, you know, it's stupid.

like what i don't i don't have any other way to put it it's just it's absolutely stupid that people look at something like that and it you know oh my god she's not she we can't have a woman doing right fuck them you know and like uh sean's um we used to hear back in the day like you know i don't if you're a woman cop you better be able to shoot

like the men if you're a woman firefighter you better be able to carry a 200 pound or 300 pound person out just like the men have to do it's all it's all performance stuff so if she can kick ass and be a welder who gives a shit what's between that person's legs um

Again, this is just, it's dumb. It's useless. And they shouldn't be afraid to go into the trades. I mean, they make excellent livings. And not only that, like, could you imagine how horrific it would be if you worked at this place and you saw this too? Like, you're not sleeping right ever again, whether you're a man or a woman or a fucking dog or whatever. Not like Whitney from Wisconsin, but yeah, horrific. I didn't mean to bring the room down.

That's okay. I'm still trying to figure out that people are speed dating again. Someone shared this link. I've summoned you. You've officially made it. You're like the jerk now in the phone book. I'm not calling you a jerk. Watch a classic movie. It may have been me. It may have been. You put a lot of links in there. Yeah. Rita read the title of one and she goes, Jake put it in. I said, then add it. This is how Jake produces. He throws it all on Discord for us to grab.

Well, that way other people can see it, too, even if we're not going to talk about it. Right. But I guess, yeah, speed dating is apparently popular again. Here's five whole tips. I've never done speed. Just the tip. Has anyone has anyone done speed dating? No. Neither have I. If you've done speed dating at any age or level, whether it be now or 20 years ago, write in to...

Beef at wholesomeaddiction.com or better yet, because emails are hard. Oh, we might have an interview. Jake, we got to talk about this. There's an email we got because I actually checked my emails. You just saw him squirrel. Or join the Discord and you could send us links and stuff on there. But send us an email and let us know if you ever did speed dating and how it went and how the setup was. But back to the news. Singles are so exhausted from dating apps.

Well, this actually does at least have one positive over dating apps. I think it has a few, but go on. No, one major one. Okay. Which is. you're not going to have somebody show up and have it be the wrong picture. True. You can also tell if you're like actually attracted to them in person versus the personality. I think, yeah, I think in that three to 10 minutes, I don't know what a good speed dating.

window is does it tell you here how long you get um but i think you can those few minutes you can really actually like find out who the person is if they're goofy if they're funny and that could be bad right because if i come off too goofy it might not work if if you come off too serious vice versa but it's still you kind of get to see the real person in action like

If you make a very simple sci-fi or star, pick your wars or, you know, whatever, you make a comment and it goes right over their head. Because text or messaging doesn't always convey what you're actually trying to feel or get across in a message versus talking in person. Jake laughed. Okay, we've got 90 seconds. I'm attracted to you, so I've got one question. Star Wars or Star Trek?

She was running around to the next person, I mean. Not only that, if she's wrong, but even imagine she sits there and she goes, what? And then you're like, no, no, okay. But see, if I wouldn't have known Rita. And I would have given her that. I'd be fucked because she'd be like, my dad liked Star Trek and what? Right. So.

And I don't want anything really to do with Star Trek. Sorry for any of those Trekkies out there. I'm not a fan. Oh, we're going to watch some of the reboots. You'll be fine. All right. Some of them are fine. She gives in pretty easy. She rolls over and shows me the puppy dog belly. I was a belly rub. Treat speed dating like a first date.

Oh, my God. You stab her with a fork? As you would prepare for a first date, wear date attire, shower, and properly groom. The fact that you even have to suggest that someone shower, groom, and dress appropriately for a date. The fact that that's even something you have to tell someone. In the recent years. I've heard a person at a place that I knew of say to a different person at a place that I knew of something along the lines of, wait a minute, you don't shower?

And this other guy said, well, you know, like not every day. I do like once a week. What? No. Maybe twice a week. No. No. No. Usually twice a day, damn it. And I mean, I'm once a day all the time. There's once in a while in the winter. A lot of times in the summer twice, but once in a while in the winter where I'm lazy and depressed and I'm like, well, I'll just shower tomorrow because I didn't do shit. It's a weekend. You literally laid on the couch. But like the context of this was like.

Well, I don't really get dirty or sweaty. And I'm thinking to myself, yeah, but you got kids and they puke on you and they shit on you. And I know where you work and I know what you do for work. And like. Showering is like just, ah, we're going to start a new chapter. I'm off work. I'm done doing chores. I'm going to scrub my butthole and then relax. Like it's a thing. Or if I'm going on a date.

Or we're going out to get fancy. I'm not fully ready until I've, even if I showered that morning, it's like a, it's another, it's a fresh version of me. I don't know why. I don't even, we've had this because I don't even like.

uh, the whole getting fancy thing. And yet I'm still, there's no way in hell I'm leaving the house without having showered first. Like why? Yeah. Like that's what I mean. If, if it's a weekend and it's a, it's the, it's cold out, I may shower and not shower and not go anywhere or.

Half the time I just get up and go, I'm going to shower just to get back on the couch. And put on a fresh pair of clothes. I might actually relax better if I have showered and put on fresh clothes. Well, I mean, not only that, I tend to shower before bed because I can't imagine climbing in bed. Well, like me, I work in a warehouse. So usually I come home, I do stuff, and then I shower right after work. So then by the time I get up in the morning, I'm like, well, I'm just going to work.

wash my face and brush my teeth i usually don't shower in the morning me either yeah we're both in warehouses because yeah i'm crawling around on the floor nobody's smelling my butthole but me till after i get off work so you're welcome baby um

Avoid only talking about yourself. Well, no shit. But you still have to be able to say something about yourself. Okay, enough about... me what do you think right right right or or when they ask a good question to you you answer and say well how about you what do you think about that like you know be kind is number three hey you got some small tits

You deformed? Yeah. You're a little fishy over here. Did you wash your not balls today or what? Or the other one. You know your eyes don't go in the same direction. Which one am I supposed to look at? Right. Eyes are up here. Yeah, but your jugs is down there. Don't be too quick to judge. Well, imagine there you got the woman who's doing the other thing sitting there going, you know, excuse me, my boobs are down here. Right. Excuse me.

I wore this low-cut for a reason. If I want you to see my boobs, I'm going to wear a push-up bra. Do I have to wear a lower-cut shirt for you to look at my tits? They're here for a reason. I went out and bought the Wonder Brawl for this one for tonight. So you damn sight better be looking at these things. Don't be too quick to judge. It's dating. You're going to judge people. And I don't mean that in a rude way, but.

Also, don't be too quick to judge, right? I go back to, so Star Wars or Star Trek? Sounds like you could weed out of a lot of people. Swallow or spit? Not that I care, but... i just want to know if you're willing to put it in your mouth That's the answer. Either answer is right. What if she sits there and goes, oh, I don't do that. Then next question. Next question. Where's the next broad? Or dude, for that matter. Swallow or spit, pal.

uh see try different events yeah the last broads one was a bus now i'm here for dudes any of you guys swallow or spit I don't know what that means. Speed dating can vary depending upon the event. Oh, probably like, is it at a bar or a library? Your swallow and spit jokes might vary. Are you sure? The librarians I heard are dirty. You go find that special book and you just basically hold that up. What do you think about this? What is it? The Kama Sutra?

Or even the Spit or Swallow series. Oh, yeah. You're right, the erotical one. Do we have a cover for that? We should get that to Sean. Hold on, let me find it. We should get that to Sean for the... No, no, don't go back and scroll. That took you six news stories last time. What, are you afraid he's going to veer off topic or something? You're right. He's probably better whilst off topic.

I think this might be our last one for tonight before we get on to the bonus cast. If you'd like to listen to a bonus cast or all of them, go join our Patreon at the VIP level. You can join us at any level, but the Patreon for the VIP level gets you the bonus cast and access to, I believe, all the old ones, I think. Don't hold me to that, but I think it does. So you could get it for like a month and download them all and listen to them, even though that's cheating.

I still think, you know, thanks for the cash. Yeah, it helps pay for stuff. But anyways, my face, it just, I shaved. Hear that? That's an ingrown hair. You see what I have to live with, Jake? Last story for tonight. Apparently, a stripper put a bride on blast for cheating on a fiancé at a strip club during a bachelorette party. That's a lot. But this.

Pretty young dancer. She's got a kitty cat on her arm, so I like her a little better. Look, I'm just happy that they did the bachelorette party at the female strip club. Yeah, right. That's kind of cool. But then again, apparently this girl was hooking up with a male patron. So this very nice stripper said...

She took to her Instagram or something. She said, if your fiance is having her bachelorette party in Nashville on the week of August 31st, has braces, hair about shoulder length with blonde highlights. and a cowboy hat with a veil on it, she's cheating on you. I'm pretty sure she just described about 50% of the bachelorettes walking around Nashville. Yeah.

So apparently, yeah, this chick was getting frisky with a male patron and then left with him. Oh, the dancer said the woman was trying to record the woman on stage and as a bad tipper. Yeah. That's probably where all this came from. Everyone on Tic Tac says it Tic Tac. What the fuck is wrong with me? Tic Tac, oh my gosh. No, she's probably just pissed that the girl didn't tip her. I mean...

Probably. That's probably where this started. But did she actually go fuck a dude? Because that's the question, right? I mean, no bueno. No bueno. You're at a woman's... Strip club. Squeeze some tits. Scissor or something. But, you know. You just want to watch scissoring. Maybe. And the thought of extra meat insertion on a bachelorette party just sounds a little off.

Maybe. I don't know. Maybe I'm wrong. Send your hate mail to someone who gives a shit. Or me. Because I'm going to pretend to care. And I'll beat it on the show. Yes, you want hate mail. It's been a while. It has been a while. It could be fun. Hate mail is always fun.

I really miss. It was always fun because, you know, hate mail took a bit more like effort and thought than complimentary mail. It's kind of like, oh, you listened. And I really wish I could find the one from the chick from Berkeley from all those years ago.

That really was good. Just for no other reason than the whole, you know, somebody was trying to be nice to you and you're going to be a bitch about it. Right. Like my mom would have... beat me if i was walking out of a door and there and there was two young women or young men anybody two people behind me and i didn't hold the door for them my mother would be like matthew

Oh, coming out a door, the first things I always do is look behind me to see if there's anyone behind me versus just letting the door slam on somebody. Strange. You have common fucking courtesy. Anyways. Now I got to go back and look for that. Like I did that fucking text email or the text news story.

The one that really pisses me off too, though, is when you hold the door for somebody and you can see that it's not even like they had their hands full. They just walk through and don't even touch the door to take it off your hands. It's kind of like, you're welcome. Right. Yeah. Well, it's, they do that and then don't say anything. Oh, thank you. Yeah. Then I just say, you're welcome a bit louder. Oh no, I'm totally passive aggressive. You fucking lazy prick.

I've seen that in action. That's not passive aggressive. That's just aggressive. Oh, yeah, yeah. No, you're right. The person who goes, you're welcome, that's... Passive aggressive. Oh, yeah, you're right. Fuck you. I get those two confused all the time. And on that note, thank you to everybody that listens, downloads, plays along. If you two would like to play along.

or you're sick of just listening, and you'd like to play along anonymously, join our Discord. Or if you just want to play along, join the Discord. You can share porn and links and stories and all the good stuff there. And you can email us about interviews and stuff that we should get because I'm dumb and I forget to check the emails. You can also...

Join the Patreon somewhere. I believe it's the top right, right around the same spot of our website, wholesomeaddiction.com. There's a link for Patreon and Discord. You can join it at the VIP level and get free extra casts. which we're about to record just like mini lano matt jam a pair new what the fuck or new

WTF. Come on. Next week, we've got to think of something fun for that. Okay. Grizzac, Ken, Steve, TPS reports, Jake. Ew, Jake. Adam, Pervy, Wizard, and Puff. It's this Jake, guys. I can rip on him. Thank you, everybody, for listening. Thank you, everybody, for downloading. We couldn't do it without you guys. We still would, though, because we like babbling to each other. We have nothing better to do on a Saturday afternoon. We really don't. Yeah. Join the stuff. Pay some stuff or don't.

Join the Discord, though. It really helps to find our links and interaction. And yeah, the Discord is absolutely free. Join it. Come play along. There's a lot of great memes to steal. Yep. And there's even some good porn to not whack it off to. Yay. All right. I guess we'll see you guys next week. Bye. Actually, we might take off next week, but we'll see you soon. Bye.

Thank you for listening. Thank you for downloading. Please check out all the podcasts available on wholesomeaddiction.com. If you want to join the conversation and hang out with us, please do so on our Discord server, which link can... also be found on wholesomeaddiction.com. We love you guys and we will talk to you again next time.