The Beginning

Where the Veil Grows Thin

May 13, 2023•4 min•Season 1Ep. 1

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Episode description

When I was little I prayed that I would die before anyone I knew or loved because I was so sure I couldn’t bear the loss. I was sure that the enormity of the grief would swallow me whole or spit me out all chewed up, ugly and unlovable. I did not want to know that kind of pain.

Then, someone I loved died.

And I survived the pain, but grew just a tiny bit less naive. Still, I went on to think, “Okay, so I was lucky on that one. I still don’t want anyone else I know to die.”

But they did.

And I survived. And it has gone on like that since, for 68 years. I want to believe, my time here on earth will make a difference. If it can be through helping someone else feel less fearful talking about death or less alone, that’s good enough for me.

So I write, to move beyond the fear that what I have to say will be of little significance to anyone. The proverbial “first step” of the thousand-mile journey. The fear comes and goes; weaving itself into my life, making itself ridiculously obvious during times of doubt. But making friends with the fear has helped tremendously in allowing me to welcome it when it comes.

I am reminded often of the teachings of Frank Ostaseki to “Welcome everything; push nothing away.” When I feel myself pushing something away, I take a closer look. I am usually pleased to find that there in the midst of what I thought I wanted to avoid, a rainbow is blending so beautifully it might otherwise have been missed.

In my work I am continuously delighted by the opportunities that arise in simply being alongside someone who’s story has yet to fully unfold. Just as my own has yet to do.

It seems that as a culture we don’t talk much about dying, at least not before we have to. However, in our house, we talk about it a lot. We’ve had to. Parents, sisters, children, friends and beloved pets have died. Each loss creating the need to re-calibrate the course of our lives because each death brings us closer to understanding what matter in life.

As I began writing these stories, I was a hospice chaplain.

Dying was part of my life on a daily basis.

It’s part of your life too,

I assure you.

Join me now, as we move closer to the veil...

Thank you for listening to Where the Veil Grows Thin.
You can always get these wherever you get your podcasts or for more information, visit seanjeung.com.

Transcript

Hi and Welcome to Where The Veil Grows Thin.

I want to introduce myself and say a little about how this website came to be.

In 2000, metastatic pancreatic cancer took my mom's life. During the year between her diagnosis and her death she did everything she could think of to prepare her five adult children and her husband for her leaving.

She had always been, for me, the model of grace and kindness and strength; forgiveness and love. Watching her navigate those months, knowing that she would die, was no exception to that.

I have said 100's of times since her death, that her dying, brought me to where I was always ultimately meant to be; and where I have remained to this day; in the field of death and dying.

The things we see in this work are so profoundly life changing that the idea of writing a book based on what I was learning about living by being with those who were dying was a natural evolution. But trust me, 23 years is a really long time for a book to gestate and not get birthed.

It finally came to me that maybe it was because I was trying to give life to it, in a form it didn't want to yet be born into. So, with the help of some amazing and talented individuals I've been voice recording what I had thought would be chapters in a book.

I am humbly indebted to Kate Collins, Ben LeRoy, Jason Buchholz and Mae Houston for walking me through early decisions and holding me close to their hearts while also holding my feet to the fire. Without the 4 of you, this reality would still just be a vision

And to my husband, Greg, who not only tolerated my obsession, but encouraged it, every step of the past 23 years, knowing innately, how important it has been for me to know these stories will not die when I do. They are what I can leave behind when I die that might be of value to someone somewhere.

To the families of those who's stories are told, thank you for allowing their stories to be shared; for understanding the possible gifts that might benefit someone else down the road.

So, thank you for coming. Thank you for believing that what you might find here could make a difference in your life or the life of someone you love. And if you like what you see or what you hear, please, share it.

We want the world to know there are places like this where you can dip your toe in the waters of death and dying and grief and loss, survival, recovery and resilience and in doing that, maybe, change how you feel about all of it.

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