Every Monday morning step into the office of iconic psychotherapist Esther Perel and listen in as real people in search of insight bare the raw, intimate, and profound details of their stories. From breakups and open relationships to workplace conflicts and fractures in the family, it’s a place to hear our own stories reflected in the lives of others. So…where should we begin? Part of the Vox Media Podcast Network.
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This episode features a man confronting the complex aftermath of a relationship built on dishonesty, particularly concerning his ex's hidden OnlyFans activity and a health betrayal. He explores feelings of grief, anger, self-blame, and jealousy, tracing these emotional patterns back to the profound loss of his brother. The conversation with Esther Perel delves into how past trauma influences current relationships and the importance of being truly "seen."
Esther Perel guides a couple through the complexities of a husband's long-standing philandering, which his wife recently discovered. The session delves into his perfectionist nature, childhood feelings of inadequacy, and his pursuit of validation through external relationships, intensified by his mother's illness. Simultaneously, the wife confronts her own suppressed grief and anger from past losses, demanding a resolution as she grapples with feelings of betrayal and replaceability.
When her younger sister gets engaged, a woman finds herself spiraling with unexpected grief and frustration. She’s spent years in relationships with men who shy away from marriage, and the news stirs up deeper childhood wounds—secrets about her family and questions of belonging. With Esther’s help, she begins to face the shame she’s carried and the tricky balance between wanting to be seen and wanting to stay true to herself. Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call...
This episode features a couple grappling with the challenges of new parenthood, financial pressures from a career change, and the impact of their respective neurodivergences. Esther Perel helps them explore how their use of therapeutic labels sometimes masks deeper issues of trust, control, and intimacy. They confront their patterns of personalization and judgment, learning strategies to diffuse tension and foster connection beyond their diagnoses.
This is a classic session of How's Work? A large and scattered network of journalists meet for a virtual session with Esther. Over the past year, they've reported on the biggest stories of their careers, but they are burned out, isolated, grieving, and disconnected from the very thing that supports and energizes them all: their newsroom. Over the last few years, workplace culture has been transformed by remote work, inconsistent in-office presence, and an intergenerational workforce. Where Shoul...
A man grapples with his first profound heartbreak at 29, struggling to move on from a relationship marked by intense emotional attachment, deep-seated insecurities, and a pattern of "emotional flooding" contrasted with sexual withholding. He and Esther explore how his childhood, particularly emotionally detached parents, influenced his desperate search for connection and his difficulty in letting go of a toxic yet deeply significant first love. The conversation provides perspective on his intimacy issues, fear of inadequacy, and the path toward self-compassion and healthier future relationships.
She’s watching the company she co-founded unravel—strained partnerships, family entanglements, and the weight of guilt, anger, and responsibility pulling her in every direction. Now she wants to ask Esther: how can she protect her relationship with her brothers but still free herself to move on to what’s next? Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to talk through ...
A woman, two years post-divorce from a turbulent nine-year marriage, grapples with conflicting feelings as she plans a secret meeting with her ex, who claims to have changed. Despite recognizing the unhealthiness of their past, a deep emotional connection and a sense of unique understanding persist. Esther helps her explore the roots of her attachment, the importance of reconciling her internal divisions, and the necessity of transparent communication with her therapist and support system to achieve true autonomy and a genuine, self-determined closure.
A man approaching 40 struggles with relationships that never last beyond a few months, oscillating between intense pursuit and sudden withdrawal, accompanied by a loss of sexual interest. Esther Perel helps him connect this pattern to his childhood experiences: his parents' difficult divorce and his complex role in his mother's subsequent misery. The conversation reveals how early feelings of responsibility and a fear of entrapment have shaped his romantic life, leading to a profound breakthrough.
Esther Perel introduces acclaimed psychotherapist Julia Samuel for a profound discussion on grief, redefining it not merely as a response to death, but as an experience that begins with love and can act as a portal to healing. Perel connects her work on eroticism—defined as vitality and a life force—to resilience, drawing on her parents' Holocaust survival to illustrate how actively engaging with life and joy is crucial even amidst deep trauma. Samuel further elaborates on the intertwining forces of Eros and Thanatos, providing practical frameworks like the "dual process model" and "pillars of strength" to accommodate loss, find growth, and expand our capacity for love and presence.
This is a classic session of Where Should We Begin? In a Where Should We Begin first, Esther sits down with two friends. They’ve been close for so long they feel like brothers, with all of the baggage that comes with family but none of the certainty. There are things that go unspoken between them, issues they have skimmed over in their two decades of friendship. Esther creates the space for the conversation they didn't know quite where to begin. This session was recorded in collaboration with NP...
A listener shares the painful experience of falling in love with his best friend, leading to an intimate but ultimately unrequited bond he had to end. Esther Perel helps him unpack the heartbreak and confusion, guiding him to understand that the profound connection he felt stemmed from his own capacity for vulnerability and growth, not solely the friend. The conversation offers strategies for moving forward, including innovative approaches to dating and building new communities, emphasizing self-reliance in finding future love.
In this classic Esther Calling, a man struggles with being triangulated by two friends in a dysfunctional relationship, constantly absorbing their conflict. Esther helps him understand his pattern of being an indispensable confidant, tracing it back to a childhood survival mechanism linked to a fear of abandonment. The conversation provides insights and actionable strategies for him to set boundaries, protect his emotional well-being, and maintain friendships without taking on undue responsibility for others' relationships.
This episode features two compelling discussions from Esther Perel's Sessions Live event. Psychiatrist Paul Browde shares his journey from secrecy to aliveness, navigating queer identity under apartheid and an HIV diagnosis, ultimately finding healing through pleasure and connection. Additionally, therapist Nedra Glover Tawwab redefines boundaries as tools for healthy connection rather than separation, offering practical advice on navigating imperfect relationships in the age of social media and misused therapy terms.
Friendship is a key thread of the social fabric. But what happens when the thread starts to fray? They met in college and have been close for a decade. Now, with long-term partners in the mix, their once-easy bond is under strain. Resentments—some spoken, many not—have started to pile up. Can their friendship adapt to this new phase of life? Or will it unravel? Esther offers them both some hope. Topic: Relationships with Family & Friends For the month of July, Esther is offering 20% off to j...
In a heartfelt conversation, Esther Perel and Trevor Noah explore how meaningful relationships foster growth, often through challenges and "friction." Esther shares insights from her childhood, shaped by her parents' Holocaust survival, and her career as a relational therapist. The episode delves into cultural differences in relating, the impact of technology on community, and the essential human need for connection and purpose in an increasingly uncertain world.
He's 42 and is in his first real relationship. And he's panicking. He's afraid he doesn't know how to be in a true romantic partnership. With Esther's help, he explores how his past has contributed to his fears of intimacy and abandonment. Topic: Dating & Romantic Consumerism Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to talk through with Esther, send a voice memo ...
A woman dating a Mexican man for four months describes his increasing possessiveness, particularly his demand that she delete contacts and unfollow ex-boyfriends. The conversation explores their cultural differences and mutual attraction. A shocking revelation about his existing marriage of convenience with a child significantly shifts the dynamic, highlighting the profound asymmetry and conditions within the relationship. Esther challenges the caller to confront the reality of the situation and her reasons for accepting it.
A single mother by choice explores her new identity and the challenges of dating within a traditional community. She discusses balancing her needs with motherhood, her changing criteria for a partner, and navigating internal voices of shame and external community expectations versus praise for her unconventional choices. The conversation delves into past relationship patterns, cultural stereotypes about men and marriage, and reclaiming her multi-faceted identity while embracing the freedom and responsibility of charting her own course.
Processing the fallout from a tumultuous relationship with a narcissistic partner who love-bombed her then became aggressive and manipulative, especially after her father's death. The caller explores her struggle to trust and bounce back, uncovering how her own patterns, family history, and friendship dynamics influenced the relationship and her healing journey.
Esther Perel sits down with three guests to explore their experiences with modern dating, covering everything from app usage and first date strategies to navigating expectations and dealing with fatigue. They discuss the challenges of finding genuine connection, the perceived transactional nature of app-based interactions, and the unique perspectives of dating at different life stages.
This is a classic session, from the second season of How's Work? From day one, they’ve described their relationship as “tumultuous," but there are highs as well as lows. One is new to the work force, the other is new to this particular work place. One manages the other. And while they like each other on a personal level, they clash over their fundamentally different approaches to getting the job done. Over the last few years, workplace culture has been transformed by remote work, inconsistent in...
In this episode, Esther Perel speaks with a woman grappling with the fallout of a broken relationship and the realization that her timeline for having a child is threatened. She explores feelings of anger, regret, and self-blame after her partner wavered on their agreed-upon plans for using frozen embryos. Esther offers guidance on grieving the loss of her envisioned future, broadening her perspective on family, and finding clarity amidst the emotional turmoil.
Esther explores the caller's difficulty in maintaining friendships, tracing it back to experiences in foster care and a fear of abandonment. They discuss how the caller's survival strategies, developed in childhood, now hinder her ability to form lasting connections. The conversation focuses on reframing perspectives and communicating needs to build healthier relationships with friends and family.
A mother seeks Esther's advice on managing conflicts between her husband and teenage daughter, where she feels stuck in the middle. They explore family dynamics, communication issues, and the mother's role as a peacemaker. Esther offers strategies for shifting the dynamic by focusing on the parents' relationship and individual responsibilities, rather than trying to fix the daughter's behavior.
Their relationship is on the edge. They're grappling with communication issues and the emotional scars from their past. And they're trapped. Trapped in an endless cycle of blame, defensiveness, and attack. Esther tries to help them notice their patterns of escalation and break the cycle they keep finding themselves in. Topic - Conflict & Polarization Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https...
A Southern preacher explores her fear of being "too much" or "not enough" in relationships, guided by Esther to uncover the root of these feelings. They delve into childhood experiences, the need to be needed, and the challenge of allowing oneself to be vulnerable and cared for. The conversation culminates in practical exercises for expressing needs and seeking feedback from loved ones, aiming for more authentic and reciprocal connections.
Esther Perel coaches a divorcée navigating co-parenting complexities and strained communication with her ex-husband and his new wife. They explore past traumas influencing current reactions, focusing on breaking negative cycles through changed behavior and seeking professional guidance for healing and better communication for the sake of the children.
In this episode, Esther Perel works with a couple on the brink of divorce, helping them to understand the underlying issues driving their disconnection. They explore how their focus on family has overshadowed their individual needs and relationship. The session uncovers deep-seated patterns from their childhoods that influence their behaviors and expectations in the marriage, offering a path towards reconnection and a new shared story.
We all know the difference between being alive and feeling alive. The state of the world has many of us struggling with threat and uncertainty, both of which immediately constrict our imagination and our ability to face the unknown with curiosity and discovery. Join Esther Perel for a live conversation on the Vox Media Podcast Stage at South By Southwest with futurist Amy Webb and innovation expert Frederik Pferdt as they discuss how the big changes of today will shape our relationships of tomor...
