311 - Selling Sawdust
In an effort to gain leverage over the McDonald's Corporation, I endeavor to supply them with cheap sawdust for use in their hamburger patties.
Oct 31, 2023•15 min
Whatever Happened to Pizza at McDonald's
This is a podcast about whatever happened to pizza at McDonald's.
Podcasts are better in Metacast mobile app
Don't just listen to podcasts. Learn from them with transcripts, summaries, and chapters for every episode. Skim, search, and bookmark insights. Learn more
Episodes
310 - A Ouija Halloween
On a special Halloween edition of the program, I seek spiritual/technical support for my malfunctioning Ouija board.
Oct 28, 2023•24 min
309 - Taylor Swift's Ronald Costume
I am forced to travel far from home to investigate whether Taylor Swift dresses as Ronald McDonald's in her new motion picture. In the process, I befriend a fellow "journo" there to experience the experience himself.
Oct 21, 2023•25 min
308 - The Art of the Golden Arches
While visiting a famous painting of a woman in gold, I was surprised to discover the galerie offered no information about this painting's relation to the McDonald's Golden Arches.
Oct 14, 2023•15 min
307 - Thwarting Artificial Intelligence
Upon learning a certain social media mogul might want to use my book to train his artificial intelligence, I endeavor to ban him from purchasing said book at his local bookseller.
Sep 30, 2023•15 min
306 - Attack of the Clones
Concerned about who will inherit my investigative journalism empire, I pursue the possibility of cloning my own heir.
Sep 23, 2023•17 min
305 - Jerking Soda
With McDonald's removing self-serve soda machines from their dining rooms, I call upon an expert in the art of jerking soda to explore the idea of the old-fashioned soda jerk making a return to the pubic sphere.
Sep 17, 2023•27 min
304 - Hacking McFlurry Machines
I am joined by my colleague, journalist Jason Koebler of 404 Media, who shares with me his reporting on the potential of hacking McDonald's McFlurry machines and other McDonald's equipment such as mainframe computers storing pizza secrets, etc.
Sep 01, 2023•21 min
303 - Loki Sauce
Waning interest in superheroes means McDonald's is about to dump massive amounts of unsold Loki Season 2 branded sweet n' sour sauce into our fragile environment. I inform the authorities.
Aug 11, 2023•16 min
302 - Moving to New York City
I officially announce my relocation to New York City, a.k.a. Pizza Town, USA, and set up a briefing with one of the area's top officials: the honorable Mayor Eric Adams.
Aug 01, 2023•19 min
301 - Returning to Panoply
With the podcasting industry in financial ruins, I reclaim the abandoned trademark for the Panoply Network and reinstate my program as one of its flagship titles.
Jul 29, 2023•23 min
300 - The Mystery of the McCafe Bakery, Part 2
Continuing my investigation into the disappearing items on the McCafe bakery menu, I travel to my local McDonald's to find some answers. And perhaps, to make a new friend.
Jul 22, 2023•31 min
299 - The Mystery of the McCafe Bakery, Part 1
McDonald's has pulled McCafe Bakery items from their menu. Is this history repeating itself? No, but I go undercover as a long haul truck driver to get to the bottom of it anyway.
Jul 20, 2023•19 min
298 - Addressing the Grimace Milkshake TikTok Trend
Disturbed by the recent Grimace's birthday milkshake TikTok trend's disrespect toward those who have actually passed away due to the consumption of McDonald's food, I seek to memorialize these fallen heroes in a manner befitting their station.
Jun 30, 2023•14 min
297 - Understanding Fan Fiction
I attempt to understand a piece of McDonald's Pizza fan fiction involving characters from a popular "Japanimation" program.
Jun 27, 2023•23 min
296 - Green Gut Powder
In the wake of the total collapse of the podcast advertising market, I seek a sponsorship from a popular purveyor of green gut powder. But when I try a sample mixed with a limited edition Grimace's birthday McDonald's milkshake, the results are less than ideal.
Jun 22, 2023•27 min
295 - What is a Soul?
A Silicon Valley startup using robot labor to make pizzas has shut down. Before I purchase the automotons for my own uses (bringing back McDonald's Pizza), I consult with a spiritual advisor to answer the question of whether these automoton workers possess human souls.
Jun 14, 2023•24 min
294 - Peering Into the Future
Because I have to prerecord this week's episode due to my recovery from major oral surgery, I employ the awesome powers of a psychic practitioner to help me make sure I do not miss any upcoming events.
Jun 01, 2023•18 min
293 - Securing the Legacy of Willow 2
As I prepare to undergo potentially fatal oral surgery, I arrange for my Willow 2: Through the Portal of Time documents to be displayed in one of the most sacred shrines to Hollywood royalty.
May 25, 2023•15 min
292 - Coping with New York Times Audio
The local New York-area newspaper called The New York Times has released a new audio application that has dire consequences for one of my elderly sub-contractors.
May 19, 2023•17 min
291 - Ending Child Labor at McDonald's
I reveal my plan to deincentivize child labor violations at McDonald's by teaching children the Good News about McDonald's Pizza while they are still living inside a human womb.
May 11, 2023•23 min
290 - Season 2 of Pizzaply Media's "Evidence File" Premieres
In this special presentation of the season 2 premiere of Pizzaply Media's hit true crime podcast "Evidence File", the new anonymous Australian host explores the murder of the former anonymous Australian host.
May 01, 2023•21 min
289 - Miniature Witness Protection Program
After a round of high-level corporate layoffs, I enroll all "whistle-blowing" former executives in my miniature witness protection program.
Apr 25, 2023•24 min
Episode 288 - Live from Boston College
A special presentation of my educational lecture delivered live at Boston College (one of the Boston colleges).
Apr 06, 2023•1 hr 3 min
Episode 287
Broadcasting live from the restroom of a public bus on my way to lecture in Boston, Massachusetts, I answer listener questions about McDonald’s Pizza and other matters.
Mar 28, 2023•25 min
Episode 286
I open the proverbial "vault" and unleash a long lost episode of the program from days of yore.
Mar 25, 2023•18 min
Episode 285
A congressman gives me an idea for how to purchase my own McDonald's franchise using farmed hogs.
Mar 15, 2023•19 min
Announcing My Lecture at Boston College on 3/29
An announcement of my rare, in-person live lecture at Boston College on 3/29.
Mar 13, 2023•4 min
Episode 284
My colleagues at NPR allow me to rebroadcast a segment from their series StoryCorps about a poor moonshiner whose life was changed forever by the taste of original recipe McDonald's Pizza.
Feb 28, 2023•19 min
Episode 283
On this emergency "breaking news" edition of the program, I investigate a bizarre request from former president Donald Trump, who visited an Ohio McDonald's. In the process, I use artificially intelligent voice cloning technology to go undercover as the former president himself.
Feb 24, 2023•16 min
For the best experience, listen in Metacast app for iOS or Android
Open in Metacast