All right. 3, 2, 1. Let's get it. Let's talk about the difference. And the utility of being empathetic versus sympathetic. And I've seen. Many things get worse. Because a salesperson. A parent. Friend. Is more sympathetic. When they should be empathetic. And I'm going to use sales as a metaphor because that's what I do. And I believe we're all selling our way through life, but swap out whatever the circumstances are. If you're in sales, you could use this.
If you're in a sales encounter, you could use this. But also if, if you're just, you know, talking to one of your kids are you're talking to a loved one or a friend. It's important that you have the ears. Of empathy. And not the mindset of sympathy and it doesn't mean that you're cynical. It doesn't mean that you don't care. It's that. You're there to provide a service or solution. All right. And you gotta remember that. And sometimes we lose sight of that mission.
Because we're more sympathetic. And we're less empathetic. Now there's no place. For cynicism. And there's. Not a lot of room. For. Being sympathetic. And again, you hear this and you're like, oh, I'm just supposed to just middle finger everybody. No. That's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about number one, cynicism. We only have to go there on that. You understand you don't need to be jaded and hard. I don't care how many rejections you go on through. I don't care.
What's going on with how tough your month has been or what's going on in your life right now? Look being cynical with everybody that ain't gonna get you nowhere. But also being overly sympathetic. You think your heart and your heart are hearts. You think that you're doing something good when in fact you're making the situation worse.
, because your sympathetic sympathy can, can kill a deal just as fast as cynicism can, because when you're sympathetic, there's a high degree of emotions and those emotions are so stirred up. That when your sympathetic. You actually embody the emotions of what that other party is feeling. So one party came in. In a bad situation in their life. And now you got two because you're sympathetic and you went down the rabbit hole with them. And this then turns. And gets jaded. And gets revengeful.
And I mean, you think about your friends, a lot of friends. Seek out. People who are sympathetic toward their needs. And so they go and they conspire and they drink and they, it just, the situation just gets more and more toxic and they leave worse than how they came. And this is true in sales. This is true in life so that's why I say, man, you need to swap these things up. You are here. You have to understand this as a salesperson. As a parent, as a friend. You're there. To show empathy.
Empathy is a psychological alignment. With the way that they're feeling. But you distance yourself from the sympathy where you go down that channel with them. And so your job. Is to actually stay zoomed out. Identify with your emotions. And thoffer for guidance. To provide a solution. There are going to be customers. I'm amazed, man, 20 going on 27 years now in sales. I'm amazed of how many customers will actually just share their entire life with me, dude, I meet them five minutes later.
They're opening up and telling me not only of their whole life, but also. their current ailments sometimes, man. That's a good thing. And I have to be reminded of that I'm trustworthy enough to open up and dude they say a lot of things? But also I have to be mindful that I'm there to provide. a service. And a solution. And so I've got to be able to hear what they say. But I've got to filter that out. And only keep. What aligns with. The service or solution that I have to offer.
And if I'm not that person that can provide that for them, if what they came for, filter that out. And I can't provide that, then I can refer them to someone who can do that. And then I can. Again, I'm empathetic. I'm aligned with your emotions. I'm aligned with your situation. But I'm going to. Guide you in the right direction, whether it be. Toward me toward fulfilling that solution or towards someone else who is better equipped to help you in that situation.
And that's what you got to think about, man is, do you have the empathetic ears in situation? Or are you getting sucked in? in being sympathetic, you've got to be able to zoom out. You've got to be able to provide a solution. It's the same sort of situation. If you're a leader now I'm sitting here thinking about it when you're leading a team. You can't be. Mr sympathetic. Or Mrs. Sympathetic. You have to be empathetic. Aligning with the pulls the struggles.
But then also you got to fulfill a mission. You have to provide a solution. You're there to lead the company. In a productive. Positive manner. And so the only way that you're going to be able to do that, Is being more empathetic and less sympathetic. I mean, look at it like this. Let's just take us out of the mix. You wouldn't want a doctor. Who is sympathetic. Somebody who, when you tell them your pain points, when you just bleed your heart out to them.
Would you want that doctor to just go down the shit hole with you? And just, y'all just be too soupy messes. No. You want an empathetic doctor who listens to what. Your situation is. Who identifies with it? But then he recommends a solution. He provides some necessary steps. That can help you out of your situation and you leave the doctor's office. Better. More confident. And hopeful. That this is going to work. That's the same thing your customers need. That's the same thing your child needs.
That's the same thing. A loved one needs. That's the same thing a friend needs. That's the same thing your employee needs. They don't need. two just like them. They need to walk away from you. More confident. Hopeful based on your recommendations. Because you were empathetic. You, you understood what they were going through. You filtered out. Some of the stuff that really didn't have anything to do with the solution. And service that you offer. And they walk away more confident, hopeful.
And empowered. You realize that empathy? Is empowerment, not only for yourself, but also for others as well, because when you can confidently filter that, that filter out the things that don't belong. And you keep it on track. And you provide a solution based on empathy. It's empowering because not only did you provide the solution, but you help them walk the steps. Toward getting there. My wife. He owns a gym. When she first opened, she was sympathetic. They came in. Just a hot mess.
But she would come home just drained because she became them. When instead, what she's had to learn is she had to be empathetic. Identifying with the struggles. their everyday struggles, the challenges that they have as a woman. Because it's an all women's gym. And she provides the necessary steps. For them to get their mental and physical health. And so she builds women from the inside out. She believes in getting those things straightened out. And the way that she does that.
Is empowering them to come in. And work out, bust a sweat. They start feeling better about themselves and things begin to change within and around those women. That's empowering. See what I'm talking about? And you got to think about this, and this is, this is why I'm bringing you this episode. How many times. Are you sympathetic and you make the situation worse. Good intentions. I get it. When you should instead be more empathetic. Psychologically identifying with.
The pain points, the needs, the struggles. But then also never losing sight of the mission of providing a service or solution. In a way that only you can offer. That's the thing. I had a salesperson the other day, man, that almost quit. He was overly sympathetic. And so he was working with a customer, the wife called. Her husband just got diagnosed with stage four cancer. And so she selected a truck and she was like, I want this to be. His truck. This this'll probably be the last truck he owns.
And for 40 days, man, that truck had been sitting there. Nobody didn't work any deals on it or anything like that. What's the odds. That that day two people were buying the truck at the same time. It just happens. And unfortunately. The other salesperson sold that truck. A minute or two before he was able to. Put his deal together. And he snapped. He was sympathetic. And his heart was full and he felt for the customer, but he embodied. Their struggles. And because of that.
He almost made a bad decision. He almost snapped. And quit. a lucrative job, something that he's laid the foundation for for many, many years. And once the dust settled I sat down with them. And said. You got to. Emotionally tied in that deal. It's not that you don't care. You do, but here's the challenge. Your job is to provide a services solution. That's what they came to you for. And so it's not like they're just not going to buy anything, ever help them be empathetic.
She wants him to have a nice truck find that nice truck for him. And you're going to often find. That what you offer. Is better. Than what they initially set out for. And there's, they're like, there's a rhythm to life and they're like, Kinda glad man, that, that other truck. We didn't get. It's what happens in life? And so that's your job. Is when things seem to blow up. And it all goes awry. Can you get back in the game quicker? And be empathetic.
and provide a solution, give them other options to consider. Because that's exactly what they're going to do. Your, customer's not going to just quit and not buy anything. But they're not going to buy from you. If you stay in sympathy, land. And you just get sucked into this and you're just a soup of emotions. You're making the situation worse and the worst thing you can do. Is to be so sympathetic with your customers. With the loved one. With someone you're leading. Is that they walk away.
As bad or maybe even worse. Then how they came to you. People should walk away, empowered. People should walk away with options. After they encounter you. Encounter. Empathy. Empowerment. They encounter you a professional. You strain the things that don't belong. And you keep only the things that are relevant to provide a service or solution. And then you give them the empowerment. The guidance, the steps necessary. To get their situation better. All right. So when you're in.
The heat of the moment. If you find that you're snapping at other people, when they're trying to offer you guidance, you probably to sympathetic. If you find that you become argumentative with someone personally, professionally. You're probably being sympathetic. And you need to have the ears of empathy. and be more empathetic. I identify with their issue. And less sympathetic zoom out. Don't get so close to the fire. That you can't help them. Find a solution. That's what you're here for.
All right. Let's get out of here. Thanks for sharing today's episode. Keep it simple. Keep it moving. Never settle. Stay tough peace.